Trader Joe's Black Bean Dip

As a parent, one of the rules I have is "don't yuck someone else's yum." It's only polite, and encourages my kids to try new things. And naturally as a corollary, my kids aren't allowed to tell someone else they're not gonna like something, because, again, encouraging boldness and discovery. If you try, you're halfway to triump, and if you sigh, you're halfway to silence. So c'mon c'mon.

Obscure Rustic Overtones anyone? Anyone? One of the best concerts I've ever been to, like 20 years ago....I'm old.

Anyways, naturally, I'm guilty of breaking this rule on occasion, and most recently with my youngest who was making a beeline for Trader Joe's Black Bean Dip.

It was in best of intentions, even though I hadn't tried it yet. Look: jalapenos. Serranos. Even habaneros. This has got to be spicy, and I've seen my kids ingest anything with a hint of spice before...I didn't want to deal with it.

She tried it anyways, and come to find out, not only did she love it, there was nothing for me to worry about.

Listen: this black bean dip isn't spicy. At all. It's calm and surprisingly mild. Even the black beans at like Qdoba are way spicier. No heat, and no real flavor except cool black beans. Beans is all it is, it tastes. Sure, with a little work, there's a little sublety at play here - the smallest touch of heat, a smidge of garlic and whatnot - but no, not spicy. At all. None.

That's my major takeaway. My lovely bride thinks it has more flavor than I - it's possible, I've been scorching myself with the case of TJ's bomba sauce I procured recently - but she has another quibble. It's not really a "dip" per se. We broke so many chips trying to scoop out just a little. The dip is full of entire beans, with some smushed up as a paste-type deal to hold it all together.

More flavor, and perhaps a rebranding to "bean taco filler" or something hopefully more appetizing sounding than that would work. Really I could see this stuff working great as a base for tacos or filling up inside a quesadilla as a protein source. That would better use of its consistancy and allow for flavor optimization, so all problems solved.

In the end, I'm neither yucking nor yumming but more meh-ing. Same with my lovely bride. Double threes.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Black Bean Dip: 6 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Trader Joe's One Potato Two Potato

Nothing like a little comfort food to get you through the coldest parts of winter. Potatoes and cheese? How could Trader Joe's One Potato Two Potato go wrong?

One Potato, Two Potato,

From the Trader Joe's,

Three potato, four potato,

See how that cheese flows.

Five potato, six potato,

It's a hearty dish.

Sev'n potato, eight potato, 

Scrumptious and delish.

As usual, there are heating instructions for the microwave and the conventional oven included on the packaging. I opted for the latter, as I was feeling less lazy than usual—kicking off the new year practicing good habits and all that. The directions simply state: "remove packaging," but don't specify if the tray that contains the dish is "ovenable," a term that Trader Joe's preparation instructions have employed in the past. I made the assumption that it was indeed ovenable, and as evidenced by the fact that the tray did not burst into flames while baking at 350° for nearly an hour, I concluded that I did make the correct choice. Also, had it not been for the tray, the veggies and cheese would have spread out all over the baking sheet and perhaps gotten a little too toasty.

What's working here: lots of big, chunky veggies, tasty and evenly-distributed cheese, a crispy, crusty outer layer, and an overall salty, savory taste, perfect for a winter side dish. The potato chunks and the places where the cheese browned a little around the edges are by far my favorite elements in this side dish.

What's not working here: too many sweet potatoes, which at first I took for carrot chunks. Oddly, they bugged me more than the mushrooms. Even though I've never been a fan of 'shrooms, there simply weren't enough of them to bother me here. Sonia actually wished there were more of them. 

The sweet potato chunks were plentiful and enormous. They should have called this Trader Joe's One Sweet Potato Two Sweet Potato, although I'm not aware of any nursery rhymes that involve counting sweet potatoes. I normally don't mind sweet potatoes at all, particularly if they're well-baked. However, I feel like the ones in this selection had an odd texture—almost spongy—and the chunks were simply too big. There was a lot more sweet potato than regular potato by my reckoning. So...I wouldn't have minded more regular potatoes, peas instead of mushrooms, and thicker, gooier cheese.

Still, despite one or two distinct weaknesses, this potato platter is a winner in my book. The overall effect doesn't suffer much from the overabundance of sweet potato—there are still some tasty bites to be had. $3.99 for four servings. 

Sonia's likes and dislikes were a little different than mine, but we'll still both arrive at the same respectable score for Trader Joe's One Potato Two Potato: 4 out of 5 stars a piece. 

Bottom line: 8 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Peanut and Crispy Noodle Salad Kit

Supposedly the whole point of a salad is to eat something light and healthy, right? Get a nice array of yummy, nutritious veggies in your system, like all those leafy greens your PCP is always telling you about. Salads are great. Salads are fun.

But the whole point of a salad isn't being healthy.

Nah, you're talking to a guy who lives in Pittsburgh, and you see what we do to salads here? That's a tame one.

Right, it's what goes on top that counts. Know anybody that actually really enjoys just eating plain romaine? Nah. I ate raw naked spinach for a while and you should have seen all the looks I got...and to be clear, it was the spinach that was laid bare, not myself. Nobody wants to see that.

Here's a perfect example: Trader Joe's Peanut and Crispy Noodle Salad Kit. Sounds great. Sounds...I don't know, as enticing as a salad can get? TJ's even emphasizes the fix-in's as the selling point in the name, which is a good thing if you look at the components.

I mean, just look. The whole base of the salad is the 100% routine, boring , generic cabbage/romaine/carrot mix that I swear makes up 95% of salads. It's like a stock photo come to life. Booooor-ing. Nothing wrong with it per se, except it is what it is which is all it's ever gonna be. Snooze.

So how can liven it up? Chopped peanuts? Well, okay...except those are kinda boring too. Nothing wrong, but nothing right. It's like a rerun watched too many times.

But then....crispy rice noodles! And peanut and lime dressing! Maybe there will be something worth writing home about here.

First off: the noodles. For some reason I expected chow mein type noodles, which was a completely flawed assumption on many levels. Instead, these are light, airy, tiny, airpopped Styrofoam-ish rice noodles that are remarkably crispy and crunchy for their size. There's not much taste to them by themselves, so naturally they absorb the flavor of whatever they're nearby, which really oughtta be...

The dressing. Almost every salad comes to the dressing. This peanut-lime take is pretty darn tasty. My lovely bride wanted to drench every inch of her salad with it and guzzle the rest from the packet...fortunately I stopped her. We've made similar sauces at home with peanut butter and soy sauce, but there's more here. Some different spices, and the Thai lime leaves are a real nice touch. I'm sold. It's another dressing that needs to be sold by itself, and there needs to be more of it in the salad if only we didn't have to squabble over the last few drips.

Pretty decent salad overall. Sandy and I had it as a lighter dinner the other night and were both pretty happy. It's not a bad deal at $3.99 and if you're looking for a new salad mix in this New Year, it might be tough to top this.

 Bottom line: Trader Joe's Peanut and Crispy Noodle Salad Kit: 8 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Trader Joe's I Dream of Chocolate Cake

I made a New Year's resolution to eat way more chocolate cake in 2020, and by golly, I'm off to a good start. On New Year's Day, as I surveyed my frosty surroundings, I made the clutch decision to pull this Trader Joe's I Dream of Chocolate Cake out of our little freezer, thaw it, and eat it for lunch. Not after lunch, but for lunch. Sonia and I make our own hours, work from wherever we please, and gosh darnit if we want cake for lunch, we have it. Our actual resolution was about living life on our own terms, a la #fulltimetravel. Just kidding. I don't make New Year's resolutions. They're silly.

No, but seriously though if 2017 and 2018 were the worst years of my adult life, then 2019 was probably the best. We spent the year across 16 different states, saw a dozen national parks, monuments, and historical sites, and visited friends and family we haven't seen in years. I don't know what this year holds, or even if we'll be traveling, but I have a feeling it's going to be pretty special. For Sonia and me, that all starts with throwing caution and tradition to the wind—and doing things like eating chocolate cake for lunch on New Year's Day. Eat your heart out, pork and sauerkraut.

At this point I must confess that the whole chocolate on chocolate on chocolate thing isn't really my cup of tea in general, unless I have some kind of specific craving. I like chocolate cake as much as the next guy, but it takes something special to really wow me. I can't say this particular specimen completely blew me away, but it's pretty tasty nonetheless, not to mention uber-convenient. 

When I first tried the cake, I don't think it was fully thawed. The top layer in particular was reminiscent of chocolate ice cream, slightly melted. Even in subsequent servings, there was a creaminess there that still vaguely reminded me of chocolate ice cream rather than a typical chocolate frosting for a cake. It was extremely moist, including the inner cakey parts, almost to the point that it felt like pudding. It was dense, rich, and flavorful, and it tasted remarkably fresh for something so recently frozen.

$6.99 is reasonable for Trader Joe's I Dream of Chocolate Cake, I guess. There's enough cake in the box to provide dessert to a large family or a small party. It says six servings, but you could stretch it to more since it's so filling. Sonia gives it four stars. Chocoholics will like this even more than I do, and would probably score it very highly. I'll give it a thumbs up in the end, and about three and a half stars.

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Vanilla Overnight Oats

As I sit here in the early morning hours of New Years Eve 2019, eating some Trader Joe's Vanilla Overnight Oats, I can't help but think about life a little bit.

It's kinda like oatmeal, isn't it?

Sometimes it's pretty good, other times it can be a lot better. You gotta take your lumps and move on. Sometimes it's better to stir it up a little, other times it's best to let it be and wait.

And to relate a little further to these new(ish) overnight oats...it's definitely a little nutty, but overall sweet. It's perishable, so take proper care. And sometimes there's no shame in taking the easy, convenient route to get through whatever lies ahead of you, as long as you're prepared ahead of time.

Okay, enough of the life coaching....it's not like I'm some Ralph Marston-esque guru. I'm just a 37 year old dude who ate some oatmeal, dangit, and I stayed in my own bed last night, not at a Holiday Express. Let's talk oatmeal.

This particular overnight oats seems really heavy on the almond flavor, coming from the almond milk/beverage the oats were soaked in. If you're not an almond fan, keep away...but at least it's good almond flavor. If I had some actual nuts to sprinkle in, I would just to mix it up a bit. There's also a decent amount of vanilla to really sweeten up everything, too. No added sugar needed, and that comes from a sugar junkie. There is a bit of a sticky sweet aftertaste that lingers on, which abates quickly with a little coffee or fruit.

It was surprising to see dates on the ingredient list, because they're imperceptible in pretty much every way. I don't taste them and I don't feel them. Of course, as in real life, dates can be really sneaky...let's move on, please.

As one would expect, the TJ overnight oats are a bit cold and somewhat lumpy but not in a gross way. I'm not smart enough to know if it's okay to heat them up, as the package gave no microwave instructions. I don't see why not except for maybe moving the oats to a microwave safe dish.

Not bad for $1.99. The oats are decent enough quality and there's a lot of convenience here, which always comes at a premium. I'm not sure I'd stock up on them personally, but for my lovely bride and I, it probably wouldn't be bad to have a couple around for one of our trademark crazy mornings on the run. That's just life, all rolled up and ready to go, and it's not bad.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Vanilla Overnight Oats: 7.5 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Trader Joe's Cultured Coconut Milk Nog

If you want super creamy eggnog without the dairy, this product is for you. I know there's almond nog, but this stuff is great for folks that want something a lot thicker—a snack rather than a beverage.

Sonia thought Trader Joe's Cultured Coconut Nog tasted more like coconut and less like nog. I felt the opposite. It's definitely a bit coconutty, but then again coconut yogurt tends to be that way. I was surprised how forward the nog spices were in this instance.

We've tried at least one other kind of cultured coconut from Trader Joe's, and all in all, I liked that blueberry flavor better. But this one isn't bad, and it's seasonal, festive, and noggy as it wants to be. The little coconut wearing a scarf is a nice touch on the packaging. I always wonder who does these illustrations. You'd think there would be animation studio execs busting down the doors of TJ's creative department trying to hire these folks to make the next Charlie Brown Christmas, but with coconuts wearing winter clothing instead of Peanuts characters. 

Anyway, Trader Joe's Cultured Coconut Nog is thicker than any drinkable nog, very much flaunting the texture of normal yogurt. It looks just like regular yogurt, too, with just a few flecks of nutmeg and cinnamon floating around in the mixture. Flavor-wise, it's a little unusual to taste coconut and "eggnog" side by side like this, but it's not disagreeable at all—a very pleasant pairing, by my estimation. I'm surprised cultured coconut "yogurts" aren't more popular, considering how ubiquitous milk allergies and lactose intolerance seem to be.

This $1.49 nog-gurt kinda grew on me by the end of the cup, but as a self-proclaimed nog connoisseur, I'm a tough grader. Three and a half stars from me. Sonia liked it at first bite. Four stars from her.

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Buffalo Style Chicken Dip

At no time, under any circumstance, is double dipping okay.

Don't. Just don't. Ugh.

I need to remind my kids of this constantly. I don't like to think I'm much of a germaphobe, but once something has been in somebody else's mouth I want nothing to do with it. It's gross. Listen - I don't even double dip when I know I'm gonna be the only one dipping. Don't do it!

Any serial double dippers out there? If so, shame on you, and I have a New Year's Resolution to propose to you.

All that being said, I'm double dipping this week when it comes to Trader Joe's Buffalo Style Chicken Dip.

Key difference: it's all just metaphorically speaking after my earlier review of the Green Goddess Dip, in which I admitted I'm not a huge dip fan. The big exception, of course, is buffalo chicken dip - who doesn't love it? Gotta go for it.

TJ's take is about average overall, in my opinion. There's some definite high points. For instance, these plenty of shredded-to-bits breast that literally make the dip chock full of chicken. Copious amounts of meat is always a plus. And there's a nice enough of a cayenne-inspired sting that slowly builds, enough to be noticed but not ever unpleasant. It's maybe a four on a 1 to 10 scale of spicy, which I think is accessible to most folks.

Issue is...it's neither bird nor spice that make up most of the flavor. It's almost all sour cream. It's impact is somewhat dampened by cream and Monterey Jack, but also a little amped by the presence of vinegar in the cayenne pepper sauce. Because of this, when making my own buffalo chicken dip, I tend to stay away from sour cream. Buffalo chicken dip should be spicy, not sour, and here it is, mostly sour.

All that being said, yeah, I can eat my fair share of this dip, and probably more. As my lovely bride said, for being no work whatsover, it's pretty decent. But it could be better...much better. I've seen some online chatter about some other folks augmenting the dip with a little added spice of their own, which makes sense to me. Meh. Not great, not bad either, I'll take it for the $4ish bucks it cost for the tub. 

Both my wife and I want to give it a three, but since we ain't gonna double dip on scores, I'll sneak an extra half spoon on.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Buffalo Style Chicken Dip: 6.5 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Trader Joe's Non-Dairy Oat Beverage

I don't know how Christmassy this oat beverage is, but there is a buzz about it on social media, and it's totally new to me. It seems each year, there's a new type of "milk" on the market. When I was a kid, there was, of course, the classic cow's milk, which I had sensitivities to as a child. Then they started pushing fake milks like Similac and other animal milks like goat's milk.

In recent years, they discovered they could milk soybeans, almonds, cashews, coconuts, and now, apparently, oats. Trader Joe's Non-Dairy Oat Beverage is a drink made of nothing but water and hydrolyzed oats. Simple enough.

Its consistency is similar to any of the above-named nut milks—that is, it's thinner than cow's milk and slightly thicker than water. Flavor-wise, it reminds me of milk left over from a bowl of Quaker Oat Squares.

I always loved that cereal. Always loved the milk that remained in the bowl. It tastes like that: lightly sweet, oat-flavored milk. The carton mentions there's an innate sweetness to oats, and this beverage lets that flavor shine in a way regular oat grains can't for some reason—something about breaking down starches into sugars.

I could see this as off-putting to dairy milk purists or people who don't like the flavor of oats. I didn't mind it one bit. I was, in fact, pleasantly surprised. I was fine sipping on it plain, it worked well on cereal, and it made a decent base for hot chocolate, too.

I haven't seen any other brands in mainstream grocery stores, but then again, I haven't really been looking. I'm sure it's just a matter of time until we see Oat Silk on the shelves of the local HyVee or Piggly Wiggly. Until then, I have nothing to compare this oat beverage to.

Sonia liked it as well, and she says she could see it replacing almond and dairy milk in our household. $2.29 for 32 fl oz. Four stars from her. Three and a half from this guy.

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Green Goddess Dip

Apparently, and surprisingly to myself, I'm now a cat person.

To put this in context: over the past few months, my lovely bride and our lovable munchkins have been begging to get a cat. I'd roll my eyes and grumble every time. Evidently one evening, after imbibing a particularly potent potable or two at a local brewery, I agreed...to get one. As kinda like a Christmas gift for the family...not like animals are really gifts...but you know what I mean, I hope.

Well, now we have two. I got suckered into it. We've had Autumn and Cy in our family for about a week and a half now. I love 'em. Autumn is so friendly and Cy is still pretty shy. I was kinda sad when he hid in our basement for the most of the week and we couldn't lure him out, but I finally got to pet him for a good half hour or so last night. I will admit that I'm enjoying having these little furballs, so far at least.

What's that got to do with the new Trader Joe's Green Goddess Dip? No, I'm not recommending it as a snacktime condiment for ALF. It's just, I never thought this kinda stuff would be my thing, either.

If you're familiar with TJ's Green Goddess Dressing (I'm not), this dip is probably pretty similar. Except two things: look at first two ingredients: Sour cream (which I'm generally okay with, in moderation), and mayo (which I'm not). Apparently this makes the "dip" more of a classic green goddess dressing than the actual dressing TJ's sells...well, who knows.

The sour cream adds a little body and zip, and the mayo definitely helps thicken stuff up a bit. Other than that, the dips has all the hallmarks: citrusy, garlicky, acidic, a touch spicy but in a flavorful, not heated kinda way. I wish I could taste more avocado in it - all that seems to translate over for them is the color, and not as much flavor.

My only holdbacks, and this is just me, is the consistency. It's so smooth and gloppy and, well, dip-like. I just don't do dips. Why not? Couldn't tell you. I just don't. And while the green goddess dip isn't a complete game changer for me, after trying it I can totally get the appeal.

Sandy likes it more than I do. She actually employed it as a salad dressing for her lunch the other day, and has been scheming other ways to implement it. I might leave the rest of the container more or less to her - I might be too busy petting our new kitties anyways. Four spoons from her, I'll give it three.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Green Goddess Dip: 7 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Trader Joe's Old Fashioned Egg Nog Liqueur

I've always loved eggnog. It has always said "Christmas" to me more than any other single beverage or food.

In general, I think eggnog tastes better sans alcohol, although I've experimented at length with various alcoholic additives, including whiskey, bourbon, rum, and finally Jägermeister—my all-time favorite. Prior to this beverage, I'd never tried a liqueur version, nor had I ever mixed eggnog with brandy.

It works very well. It's basically what you'd expect from a very fine eggnog mixed with top-shelf French brandy and spiced rum. I feel like the spices are slightly more pungent than usual, but they're blended oh-so-perfectly in this instance.

This eggnog liqueur is super creamy, but not too thick. As much as I love creamy beverages—everything from fruit smoothies to blended coffee drinks to milkshakes to eggnog—I've never wanted them particularly thick. A thin beverage is more drinkable in my opinion, more chuggable—not that you'd ever chug Trader Joe's Old Fashioned Egg Nog Liqueur. It's best when sipped slowly, savored, and meditated upon. It's probably one of the best eggnog beverages I've ever tried—certainly the best pre-mixed version containing alcohol. Superb.

I, personally, think it's time to force beverage companies to put nutrition facts and ingredients on all their alcoholic products. I would think a drink as apparently top quality as this one shouldn't have many ugly secrets to hide. It would be a great selling point if they did publish them on the bottle, whether they were forced to or not. I'm sure it has more calories than we'd want it to, but at least we wouldn't be completely in the dark.

$7.99 for the bottle. Just under 15% ABV, so it's on par with a red wine as far as alcohol content is concerned. 

Eggnog has grown on Sonia since we've been together. She wasn't really a fan when I met her, but now, she's down with the nog. She's in agreement that Trader Joe's Old Fashioned Egg Nog Liqueur is a very tasty concoction. Four stars from her. Four and a half from me.

Bottom line: 8.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Over the River & Through the Wood Trek Mix

Over the river and through the wood
On our busy lives we go!
Does TJ's know a way
For our hunger to be slayed
Oh please, don't tell me no!

I could go on...but we're all busy here. Tis the season. I'd much rather just go right into the details of this newish tantalizing looking snack, Trader Joe's Over the River & Through the Wood Trex Mix.

Man, there's a lot in here. It's almost easier to list what isn't in than what is. There's a lot of almonds, piles of pepitas, a plethora of pecans, copious cranberries, a peck of pistachios, and a plentiful prosperity of pretzels of the chocolate covered variety...in both dark and white chocolate.  Don't like anything in there? You must be crazy.

Really, it's a good mix. There seems to be the most of the almonds, pepitas and cranberries, which isn't a bad thing. If I wanted a bag chock-full of chocolate covered pretzels, I could buy one. Everything is crunchy and munchy and melds together well enough, with a couple noteworthy bits.

The MVP of the trek mix has got to be the pecans. The bag says they're pumpkin spiced, and there's definitely a little of that kinda flavor to them. But it's more mild cinnamon and ginger than over the top, slap ya outta your Uggs pumpkin spice which I more or less loathe. SO enjoyable, with a soft roasted bite, and there's a good amount of full pecans as well as itty bitty pieces, that really make the mouthful when present.

As for the LVP? It's almost unfair, but if I ahd to pick one, it'd be the sweetened dry cranberries. I like 'em just fine, but their tartness overrides most of the other ingredients when they're around. They mesh the least well with anything else here, so that's why I'd pick them. Part of me would almost prefer boring old raisins, but then I'd probably complain about boring old raisins, so maybe there's just no pleasing me here.

Everything else is on point. Love the chocolate pretzels in particular too. The pepitas are pepitas - what else can be said? Yum. Pistachios are always welcome, especially when there's no need to shell them. Just a small handful goes a long way.

Great mix. Highly enjoyable. Reasonably priced - well, I'm assuming so, misplaced the receipt, wife doesn't remember, I wasn't there at time of purchase, so one of y'all can fill us in. Double fours.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Over the River & Through the Wood Trek Mix: 8 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Trader Joe's Cheesecake in a Bite

These little bites are, in fact, little more than bites. They're very small. If I would have read the box carefully before purchasing, I would have seen that the pic on the cover art does include a disclaimer about the image being "enlarged to show texture." On the back of the packaging, however, there's a much smaller pic of a cheesecake in a bite with the caption "actual size."

Another interesting point to ponder before even taking a taste of these little bite-sized cheesecakes: the preparation instructions. "Defrost at room temperature for 3-4 minutes." Three or four minutes? I'm not sure how hot these folks have their houses, but I wouldn't think 72 degrees could thaw anything in 3-4 minutes. Keeping Tiago the Tioga, our house on wheels, at 72 degrees is a near impossibility in our current climate. A small price to pay for the freedom we enjoy. But we're about to hit a stretch that won't see above-freezing temps for four whole days. We're more than comfortable in the low to mid 60's in our coach, and our multiple propane Buddy Heaters and electric space heaters keep the living areas in that ballpark pretty consistently.

So we simply defrosted for a few extra minutes. The cheesecake bites were thoroughly thawed, surprisingly. Their texture is exactly what you'd expect from cheesecake. The top part is smooth, creamy, and soft. The bottom provides some structural stability and a more cookie-like texture.

The tastes? Somewhere between good and great, in my opinion. Peppermint isn't necessarily a cheesecake flavor I'd ever seek out. I don't hate peppermint. I just think there are tons of other flavors I'd rather see cheesecake-ified. If you're on the hunt for an indulgent, creamy version of peppermint, the peppermint flavor in this cheesecake bite collection might be exactly what you're looking for. Flaunting a bit of chocolate flavor, too, it's not unlike a classic peppermint patty in cheesecake form.

I felt the gingersnap spice flavor tasted a lot like pumpkin pie, sans the pumpkin. Ginger is usually one of the dominant spices in a pumpkin pie or pumpkin cheesecake, so it makes sense this would taste a lot like pumpkin pie. There's also cinnamon up in the mix, as well as a hint of molasses. My favorite, Sonia's second favorite.

The maple vanilla flavor is pretty tasty. You can detect both distinct maple and vanilla flavors. I think maple could have easily overshadowed the vanilla if they hadn't taken any care to balance the two precisely. It's a bit like what I might have guessed pouring maple syrup on plain vanilla cheesecake might taste like, but perhaps a tad less messy. This was Sonia's preferred flavor out of the three, my second. 

I give Trader Joe's Cheesecake in a Bite collection three and a half stars. I've tasted better cheesecake in my day, but the presentation is nice, and there's nothing really lacking. It will all come down to your own personal affinity for the three somewhat unusual flavors they've selected for this product.

$5.99 for 12 cheesecake bites. Sonia's score? Four out of five stars.

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Ginger Snowball Cookies

Prepare ye the annual holiday cookie onslaught!

You know how it is. Every year around this time...cookies cookies cookies. Cookies here. Cookies there. As my five year old would gratuitously add, cookies in your underwear. Well, probably not there, but if you did, who am I to judge? We all need to get through our days somehow.

Cookies cookies cookies...so I didn't really need to buy Trader Joe's Ginger Snowball Cookies...but yet here we are.

There's not much reinventing of the wheel here. If you're thinking these look like fairly typical holidayesque pfeffernüsse, you're on the right track. Soft, crumbly, buttery, lots of excess powdered sugar to dry up your mouth and cough out and make a flurry fall on your sweater...yeah, these check all those marks.

As a redhead myself, the phrase used on the package though kinda makes me blush. "Studded with ginger," it says. I mean...well, I don't know what I mean. But you know what I mean.

What Trader Joe's means by that particular phrase is interspersed throughout the cookies are little bits of candied ginger. These ginger pebbles will either make or break the cookies for you. There's two things about them. First, the flavor is really particularly mild. Ginger can be really over the top or under the radar, and TJ's chose the latter here. I kinda like it, but I want more ginger taste. And second, for the unsuspecting, their presence really interrupts the bite path. It's not quite like biting into a rock, but the rest of the cookie is so soft and crumbly that hitting as hard spot kinda interfered with the whole experience. Instud of these "studs", as it were, I'd prefer the flavor to be amped up and disseminated throughout the dough, maybe like a triple ginger snap reimagined as pfeffernüsse.

So yeah. We have our annual cookie party coming up, and these will likely not be on the tray. It's not out of hate or spite, but well I spent five hours baking yesterday so I'd rather have the fruits of my efforts be on display. But when that's not a possibility, I'd consider buying again for the $3 or so. They're good enough I s'pose.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Ginger Snowball Cookies: 7 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Trader Joe's Cauliflower Gratin

After checking out an odd pasta plus cauliflower dish from Trader Joe's recently, numerous readers mentioned this particular pasta-free dish as an even lower carb, lower-calorie alternative. There are breadcrumbs in this cauliflower gratin, so it's neither completely carb-free nor gluten-free, but it does contain significantly fewer carbs and calories.

It's apparently only a seasonal dish, but it was still available on our last Trader Joe's run, thankfully. Sometimes I think "seasonal" at TJ's means "we get exactly one shipment a year, and if you miss out, just cross your fingers we'll get one more shipment next year about this time."

Anyway, we were curious to see how it would compare to the cauli and shells combo. Both dishes are refrigerated, not frozen, and they come with "best by" dates printed on the packages. I'd prefer them to be frozen so there's not a gun pointed at your head to eat them soon after purchase, but then I guess there's that whole "freshness" issue...

I digress.

There's plenty of flavor in Trader Joe's Cauliflower Gratin. There's a four cheese blend flaunting parmesan, asiago, fontina, and provolone. The cauliflower chunks are much larger in this dish, and I feel like they're slightly softer, but there's still a nice roasted quality to them, and they taste great alongside the copious cheese. The breadcrumbs were more plentiful here—another reason I enjoyed this gratin offering more than its predecessor. They're not panko this time—just regular wheat-based breadcrumbs with some herb flavoring.

Sonia raved about the taste and texture as she quickly downed her share of the dish. She was shocked at the conservative numbers on the nutrition facts at first glance, although if you pay attention, they're not as low as one might think initially. The recommended serving size of this product is half a cup, as compared with a whole cup on the cauli & pasta shell combo. They want us to eat half as much cauliflower gratin and somehow stretch a package to three and a half servings. Nope. Not gonna happen. This is two servings at best.

Both products are the same price: $4.99. In the end, this will get a thumbs up from both of us. We like it just a tad more than the very similar dish with pasta. The cheese combo and breadcrumb elements in the cauliflower gratin seem just slightly higher quality to me. Four stars apiece.

Bottom line: 8 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Crispy Rice Salmon Bites

Whatsfordinnerwhatsfordinnerwhatsfordinnerwhatsfordinnerwhatsfordinnerwhatsfordinnerwhatsfordinnerwhatsfordinnerwhatsfordinner......

If you're a guardian of some miniature trolls AKA have some young kids in the house, no doubt that's a familiar refrain. Undoubtedly it is for my lovely bride, with whom I just celebrated ten years of mostly married bliss, and I.

To combat, I troll right back. With hamsters.

Think Bubba Shrimp...except hamsters. Hamster stew. Hamster steak. Fried hamsters. Hamster meatballs. Hamster omelettes. Mashed hamsters. Grilled hamsters. Hamster flambe.  At least what's I tell them, making it up, over and over again until they stop nagging me.

Of course, they never really believe me, until I told them that Trader Joe's Crispy Rice Salmon Bites were hamster nuggets with a side of hamster sauce. The juvenile gulps were barely audible at the sound of the news.

Yeah, I can assure you these bites are definitely not hamster. TJ's does have a somewhat spotty history with salmon products but has mostly been on the upswing as of late. I think these continue the trend.

For $6.99, you get twelve respectively sized chunks battered somewhat tempura style with rice flour and spices. The breading does seem to crisp up pretty well while baking and maintain its texture without getting soggy over the fish. That's good news - nobody sane likes soggy nuggets. It does add a little bit of flavor, too, for sure, but pretty mildly so, leaving most of the flavor to the salmon.

So here's the thing. We do enjoy salmon in our family - well, 75% of our voters, at least - but mostly we do cold smoked on bagels, so actual fleshy chunks are a somewhat unfamiliar form to us. Perhaps that's why the strike me as a little bland - it may be the unfamiliarity of the protein more than anything else. There's part of me that feels I'd really enjoy chicken a lot more in this form than salmon. There's nothing wrong with the fish - it's perfectly fine - but just a bit fleshy and subtly flavored.

So that's why TJ's put in dynamite sauce! Kaboom!

What's dynamite sauce? Apparently it's like a sriracha/mayo remoulade with some soy sauce mixed in as well. I don't think it stands well on it's own - the soy adds a cloying sweetness that strips the sauce of much of its spiciness. I don't want to have a bottle of this separately. But when drizzled over or dunked with the salmon bites, it works, adding flavor that works well with the natural fish flavor without overpowering it. There's also plenty to go around. Our kids hated it - "too spicy!" they claimed, which is code for having flavor other than straight up salt - while I was indifferent. Sandy thinks it'd taste great on a burger.

Well, there you go. Serve as a hot appetizer or a side dish like we did to go along with some veggie soup. The TJ's salmon bites are a little different, and an interesting take. We'll probably buy once or twice again. Mostly thumbs up, with added points for not actually being hamsters.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Crispy Rice Salmon Bites: 7 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Trader Joe's Chocolate Peanut Butter Mochi

Mochi, the traditional Thanksgiving treat. Right?

Right?

No?

Oh well.

So many good seasonal treats out at TJ's right now....problem is, we seem to have covered most in years past, or just haven't spotted them. Didn't eat it, can't review it. So that's how we got stuck with posting about Trader Joe's Chocolate Peanut Butter Mochi the day before Turkey Day Stuff Fest.

If you've had TJ's mochi in the past, you know more or less what to expect here. This particular interpretation has much the same touch and feel of other TJ mochi offerings - dry, chewy rice flour exterior, firm, chilly, surprisingly melt resistant ice cream in the middle. Highly portable, very snackable and just plain fun, except this time with the classic pairing of peanut butter and chocolate.

Well, peanut butter at least.

That's the main problem. The chocolate rice mochi shell is scarcely cocoa-fied at all. It's...bland. It's...just kinda there, and that's it. If I strained my taste buds enough, there's some strands of chocolate to be detected, but there's not nearly enough.

The pb ice cream is more towards the subtle side too, instead of extra sugary over the top like some commercial offerings. That's fine and it totally works - it's pretty darn tasty. It's just that it'd be really nice to have that play off some chocolate a bit, and it just doesn't happen.

Eh well. The moch are still pretty decent as is - my beautiful bride, our kiddos and I had no issue downing our share. I don't recall the price but it's no more than a couple bucks for the box of six, which is reasonable enough value. Double threes.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Chocolate Peanut Butter Mochi: 6 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Trader Joe's Cauliflower & Cheesy Pasta Shells

At first, I thought Trader Joe's was substituting pasta shells completely with cauliflower in this dish. It seemed like the most Joesian thing to do. 

You feel me on the use of the term "Joesian"? It means Trader Joe's-esque, as in, What Would Trader Joe's Do? Because Trader Joe's loves to swap out normal foods with cauliflower. It's super Joesian.

Just check the search term "cauliflower" on our blog. We've seen them swap out pancakes, rice, pizza crust, mashed potatoes, and much, much more...with cauliflower. Nothing but cauliflower.

Now they're keeping the pasta, but throwing cauliflower into the mix. I guess it's lower in carbs, but obviously not carb-free. I honestly wouldn't have minded a dish sans pasta. Cheesy cauliflower with a little panko would have been just fine with me. The pasta shells keep the look, feel, and taste just a tad more familiar...and it works.

In truth, I don't think the cauliflower adds a whole lot. But like I said, it might be taking away some of the carbs. It smells of cauliflower even more than it tastes like cauliflower, in my opinion. 

This dish is tasty because of the oodles of warm, gooey ricotta and fontina cheese, with just a bit of dry, crunchy complexity from the panko. I love panko bread crumbs. Wouldn't have minded a whole lot more of it here in Trader Joe's Cauliflower and Cheesy Pasta Shells.

It's possible to tell which little bits of the dish are pasta and which are roasted cauliflower pieces, but they really don't taste all that different to me. I went the lazy route here and microwaved the dish, although both microwave and oven heating methods are listed. During the stirring process, I mixed most of the panko into the mostly melted cheese, except around the edges, where a nice, firm panko crust remained. I wish I'd left the panko-encrusted top intact, because it was probably my favorite part of the meal.

There's still plenty of fat and cholesterol in this product, so it's not really diet food, unless you're just aiming to consume slightly less carbs. I mean, pasta isn't the first thing you'd want on a low carb diet, but if you were going to splurge, cauliflower plus pasta is better than pasta alone I suppose. I give three and a half stars to this cauliflower & cheesy pasta shells microwave dinner. Sonia gives it four. 

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's An Assortment of Boozy Little Chocolate Truffles

Overall, Pennsylvania is a pretty good state to live in. Respectable weather more times than not, decent economy, reasonable cost of living (especially around Pittsburgh), good schools, two major cities with plenty enough culture and opportunities between them, lots of mountains and lakes, lots of cool, interesting towns. I've lived in three different parts of the state and have loved them all.

But not to say we're perfect. Biggest thing: Our so-called "blue laws." Although not really enforced, in some places it's technically illegal to play pool on Sundays. One law that is: can't buy cars on Sundays still. And most pertinent to this review: can't buy alcohol at grocery stores or gas stations, at least without jumping through some hoops.

So, yeah, while most of you enjoy the glory of TJ's with some sort of alcohol at them, we don't. So when superfans of our blog like Elaine from California offer to send us stuff like Trader Joe's An Assortment of Boozy Little Chocolate Truffles (can't buy 'em here!) we're all on board. Thanks Elaine!

Yup, at no more than 2.2% alcohol, these truffles are too boozed and infused to be on the shelves here. Though, let's be honest, at such a low percentage you're more likely to get buzzed from all the sugar instead of any of the spirits.

As you can see, there's four types of truffles here. Each kind is distinctly marked, roughly marble-sized, and packaged as nine pieces, so there are 36 truffles altogether. All have a soft chocolate shell with a oozy boozy caramelly center. Let's break down each, in order of preference.

Prosecco: Enrobed in white chocolate. Delish. These are easily the sweetest of the bunch. The sweetness of the white chocolate and prosecco play very well off each other, and is quite a pleasant experience. Sandy's favorite, and my second.

Scotch whiskey: Dark chocolate. Definitely the other end of the spectrum from the prosecco ones. Perhaps the most decadent of the bunch? I'd definiterly say the most rich. But the dark chocolate really is a good framework for the earthy goodness of the whiskey to shine through. My favorite, Sandy's second.

Navy rum: Navy rum? Never heard of navy rum. I blame my Puritancal upbringing. These are milk chocolate with a dark chocolate drizzle. Not terribly notable, a good solid truffle, and one can definitely taste the rum, but they are definitely the least distinct of the bunch.

London gin: Probably love or hate, depending on how much you like gin. There's definitely a certain sweet pine-y gin flavor poking thru the regular chocolate. I liked my second more than my first, but still, not the best here. Not awful. Sandy's not huge on them, making them the lowest on the totem pole here.

So there ya have it. Candy with booze for all the grownups for your holiday get-together. I'd say slip a few to the kiddos to make them crash, but that's irresponsible and would probably backfire anyways - much more sugar than spirits here.

Each box runs $6.99 which seems pretty reasonable all things considered. Must be 21 and not in Pennsylvania to buy. We like 'em just fine.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's An Assortment of Boozy Little Chocolate Truffles: 7 out of 10 Golden Spoons.

Trader Joe's Hold the Corn! Appetizers

Hold the corn! That must be a pun on "Hold the phone!" But wait, that doesn't rhyme—not even close. Ah, Trader Joe's must be making a play on "Hold the cone!" which is, in turn, a pun on "Hold the phone!" I guess TJ's is making fun of themselves. Unless this is somehow a play on "Hold the horns!" you know...like you "hold the bull by the horns," buuut that's a stretch.

The inspiration behind the title of this product means nothing if the product doesn't taste good. Fortunately, it does. Oh how it does.

The rice wrapper here is crispy, dry. The veggie-based filling is moist and fairly rich, but not overpowering in any way. The primary flavors are sweet corn (imagine that) along with some onion, the rice from the shell, and juuust a hint of spice from the red chili powder, green peppercorns, and garlic.

I could have sworn I detected the taste and texture of quinoa up in the mix, but alas, there is none listed on the ingredients. They aren't excessively greasy or oily. The nutrition info here is very reasonable, considering how utterly delectable these things are.

There's also the slightest suggestion that these are somehow veggie spring rolls that want to be dipped in a sweet and sour sauce of some kind. I might have tried that pairing if we'd had any packets laying around. Most people might not have that inclination—Sonia certainly didn't—but I'm big into condiments, and I always want to dip my appetizers in something—maybe an avocado salsa or chipotle sauce would have worked here...? I would have even slathered them with melted cheese of some kind—not that they really needed it. They didn't last long enough to be experimented upon. Perhaps we'll try them with dips upon the next purchase—and there will be a next purchase.

Served as appetizers, these will certainly make your guests ready to eat more food. The only problem I can foresee is that the only thing they'll want to eat is more of these delicious cones of corn. Each one is like a mini cornucopia, perfect for Thanksgiving...or any other time for that matter. $3.99 for 12, found in the frozen section. Two big thumbs up and a very high recommendation from this nomadic half of WG@TJ's. Four and a half stars from me. Five stars from Sonia.

Bottom line: 9.5 out of 10.