Look, I don’t know who at Trader Joe’s decided to start moonlighting as a high-end pastry chef, but they deserve a raise, or at least a very firm handshake. For a mere five bucks, you get a 12 oz resealable bag of Homestyle Cherry Pistachio Pecan Granola that tastes suspiciously like it belongs in a zip code I can’t afford to live in.
Apparently, this stuff is modeled after the legendary granola served at Eleven Madison Park in NYC. You know, the kind of place where the water costs more than my car insurance. But instead of a $400 tasting menu, you’re eating this over a chipped bowl while wearing pajamas with holes in them. Pure luxury.
The first thing you’ll notice? The scale of the "bits" in Trader Joe's Homestyle Cherry Pistachio Pecan Granola. The cherries: not some sad, shriveled raisins-in-disguise. These are massive, succulent dried cherries that actually taste like fruit. The nuts: they didn't skimp. Pistachios and pecans are everywhere, providing a crunch that feels expensive. The coconut: there are oddly large slivers of coconut in here. I’m talking "could be used as a structural shim" large. It’s bold, it’s brave, and I’m into it.
The sweetness comes from maple syrup and brown sugar, which gives it a sophisticated depth rather than a sugar-rush-at-a-five-year-old's-birthday vibe. Plus, they used extra virgin olive oil instead of the usual industrial-grade canola oil. It makes the whole thing feel artisanal and posh.
The one catch? The texture is generally crunchy, pleasant, and nearly perfect, but keep your dentist on speed dial. Sonia found a cherry pit lurking inside one of those giant dried fruit pieces. It’s like a delicious game of Russian Roulette. Is it a snack? Is it a dental emergency? Only the first bite will tell.
Despite the potential for a broken molar, we're obsessed. This might actually be the best granola either of us has ever had. We'd love to try the real deal at Eleven Madison Park on our next visit to the Big Apple. I went with eight and a half stars in the video review, but now that I think about it, it's definitely Pantheon-worthy. Nine out of ten from me for Trader Joe's Homestyle Cherry Pistachio Pecan Granola. The beautiful wifey will throw out nine out of ten as well.
For six bucks, you get a dozen mussels nestled in their half shells, each one smothered in a garlicky, herbaceous butter sauce. Twelve mussels may not sound like a lot—and honestly, it’s not—but they are imported from France, which automatically gives them a little accent and a sense of occasion. You’re not just eating frozen shellfish; you’re experiencing something. Tres chic.
Preparation is refreshingly low-effort. They come frozen, you slide the tray into the oven, and 15 minutes later you’re pulling out something that looks suspiciously like it belongs on a white tablecloth with a glass of wine you can’t pronounce. No stovetop drama, no splattering oil, no culinary degree required.
Eating Trader Joe's Garlic & Herb Butter Mussels is half the fun. You start off politely with a fork, scooping the mussel out of its shell, but quickly realize the real move is to use the first empty shell as a tiny, makeshift seafood shovel for the rest. It's quite practical but it also feels lowkey vulgar for some reason.
Flavor-wise, these are interesting. There’s a faint fishy note—as one might expect from mussels—and also a subtle flinty, almost metallic edge that reminds you that yes, this did in fact come from the ocean. And yet, somehow, it all works. The garlic and herb butter pulls everything together into something genuinely tasty, unique, and kind of fancy. You can absolutely see why mussels are considered a delicacy, even if you don’t personally want to commit to them long-term.
That said, these are not my favorite seafood, nor even my favorite shellfish. Shrimp still reigns supreme, scallops remain untouchable, and mussels… well, mussels are having a moment, but not a permanent residency in my freezer.
Would I buy these again? Probably not. But if they showed up at a Super Bowl party, parked next to the wings and seven-layer dip? Yeah. I’d grab one or two, feel sophisticated for a second, and then go back to the chips. For the novelty factor and the decent flavor both the beautiful wifey and I will go with a solid seven and a half out of ten stars for Trader Joe's Garlic & Herb Butter Mussels.
