Trader Joe's Hot Cocoa Heart Melts

I won't rant about how I feel about heart-shaped food items in this post. I did that once on this blog and I'm kinda over it now. We press the little heart button on Instagram and sometimes Farcebook. We listen to iHeart Radio. We play the game of Hearts with playing cards. We make hearts with our hands like Damar Hamlin. Seems like everybody has a cardiologist these days. One of my favorite song lyrics goes, "Destroy the mind, destroy the body, but you cannot destroy the heart." As a green comet passes close to our planet this week, we are reminded that the heart chakra is green.

But Valentine's hearts are always packaged in red and pink. For tradition's sake, that's just fine with me. Even if the product itself is brown and white, a red and pink bag is appropriate for this time of year. It's a resealable bag—or at least, it was supposed to be. The ziplock strip on ours only went across three quarters of the mouth of the bag. Fortunately, we have chip clips to keep it closed.

The most uncommon quality of Trader Joe's Hot Cocoa Heart Melts is their ability to serve as hot cocoa bombs when dropped into a mug of steamy milk or to simply serve as stand-alone chocolate candies. In the latter case, they taste like sweet milk chocolate, super salty caramel, and soft mini marshmallows. I guess they kind of taste like that in the former case, too, but combined with hot milk, the flavors seem balanced a little more and the extra-salty caramel tastes less like a mistake and more like a gourmet twist on everyday hot chocolate.

I like 'em okay. Sonia does, too. For us, these fall just below the Peppermint Hot Chocolate and Trader Joe's Abuelita—but they're head and shoulders above the Hot Cocoa Ornaments or the Double Chocolate Stirring Spoon. The fact that they're also decent as a regular chocolate caramel candy is a plus.

$3.99 for about 15 hearts. Four stars from Sonia. Three and a half stars from me for Trader Joe's Hot Cocoa Heart Melts.

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Fig Cookies

By most consumer accounts that I've read, these fig cookies are inferior to their predecessors: Trader Joe's Fig Bites, which were really nothing to write home about in the first place. The fig bites were basically TJ's brand fig newtons with perhaps slightly healthier ingredients (no hydrogenated oils or HFCS) and exotic figs imported from Turkey.

This iteration called Trader Joe's Fig Cookies appeared about two years ago if memory serves correctly. The product has been repackaged and renamed. I believe there are fewer cookies in this pack, but this one is also a tad cheaper at $1.99 for about a dozen cookies. They taste roughly the same, but for some reason, these tend to stick together like they've been glued to one another with sticky fig juice. They're crumbly, soft, and vaguely fig newton-esque. I guess I'd buy these again just to avoid the bad stuff in Nabisco Fig Newtons.

The top ingredients include: unbleached enriched flour, cane sugar, figs, tapioca syrup, palm oil, and agave syrup. Calorie-wise, we're looking at 150 per two cookies. You'll get 3.5 grams of fat per serving, 1.5 of which is saturated fat. For full ingredients and nutrition information, please click here.

Three stars from me for Trader Joe's Fig Cookies. Sonia gives them three stars as well.

Bottom line: 6 out of 10.

Peanut Butter & Jelly Frooze Balls

Just a quick hit for today. It's our first non-Trader Joe's brand product of 2023. It is widely available at Trader Joe's stores as well as a few other major retailers and grocery chains.

Frooze Balls. Not sure how I feel about that name for the product. Like I guess it could be a contraction or portmanteau of the words "fruit" and "ooze." They are made mostly of fruit, and there is a sort of ooze in the middle of them, so "Frooze Balls" it is.

They're made of date and coconut squished into a soft, moist texture, filled with peanut butter and various fruit purees and juices to make up the "jelly" part of the equation. They're fairly filling for how small they are, and they taste kind of like you'd expect: sweet, fruity, nutty. I like them okay, but I tire of them quickly after I've had one or two. They lack...pizzazz in my book, though many will disagree.

Sonia's a tad more into them than I am. She gives them four stars. We've also tried the chocolate hazelnut variety, which I like about the same as these. Sonia prefers PB&J over chocolate hazelnut. $1.99 for five balls. Vegan. Kosher. I give the Peanut Butter & Jelly Frooze Balls three and a half stars.

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Dried Cantaloupe Slices

So this item is very similar to 2019's Watermelon Jerky, a very polarizing product. My guess is this one will be, as well. It's the same idea: dehydrated melon in a bag. They don't call this one "jerky," but simply "dried."

Neither Sonia nor I were huge fans of the watermelon version, and we're finding ourselves in the same boat with Trader Joe's Dried Cantaloupe Slices. While I generally enjoy more traditional dried fruits like raisins, dates, and dried apricots—and I was pleasantly surprised with products like Trader Joe's Dried Baby Bananas—I guess I just have to admit that I'm not a fan of dried melons.

Sonia swears she can taste the sulfur dioxide in the cantaloupe. I'm not sure if that's what I taste, but I'd just say it's like cantaloupe flavor but not as sweet. Texture-wise, it's like cantaloupe but stiff instead of soft, leathery instead of juicy. So, in other words, it's just like real cantaloupe, but it lacks everything that makes actual cantaloupe melon good: the sweetness, the softness, the moisture.

Some of you will find it a unique, convenient snack. I'm not saying you're wrong. I want to like it. I'll probably be able to finish the bag slowly, one or two pieces at a time. It's just not something I'd ever seek out after trying it this one time. Sonia agrees.

$2.99 for the 4 oz bag. Two and a half stars from Sonia. Three from me for Trader Joe's Dried Cantaloupe Slices.

Bottom line: 5.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Super Seedy Cheese Snack Bites

Mmmkay. This is one of those "sexy" new items I was talking about last week when I promised I'd review something more interesting than common pantry fare soon-ish. Trader Joe's Super Seedy Cheese Snack Bites are definitely new, but are they really that sexy?

Welp, I'm gonna go out on a limb and say...no. But let's look at both sides of this equation. There are some things working here. Let's try to be positive and look at that stuff first.

Parmesan cheese. The number one ingredient. I like parmesan. These are indeed parmesan-laden and cheesy and that's the "CHEESE" part of the product title. In my humble opinion the cheesiness is good and the intensity is about right.

What else is working? The texture. These things are crispy and crunchy in a very unique way. I tried to capture the texture visually with the new macro feature on my phone camera. Pretty cool, right? You can see all the rifts, ridges, nooks, crannies, and seediness up close. 

Of course, that photo is larger than life. I mean...depending upon the size of your monitor screen. Maybe if you're on mobile right now, it's just about life size. But then I don't know how big your phone is. Maybe I should just tell you how big they are. Fortunately, there's a ruler right behind me as I write this.

They are 1.25 inches by 1.375 inches on average. Nearly square. Like maybe two or three small bites a piece for me.

So let's move on to what's not working: nearly everything else. The overall taste of these is like black pepper. And I like black pepper. Is it the peppercorns? I guess. They're overwhelming. It's a pungent, acrid, bitter pepper punch in each and every bite. Actually some bites are worse than others. It builds up on the tongue and honestly I can only eat one or two crisps at a time. They're very light, too, in terms of density. If the peppercorn flavor were tempered a bit, I think I'd plow through the bag in one or two sittings easily.

TL;DR - Crunchy parmesan aspects are nice. Peppercorn element is overpowering.

$3.49 for the 2.8 oz bag. I give Trader Joe's Super Seedy Cheese Snack Bites with Puffed Quinoa & Whole Peppercorns two out of five stars. Sonia liked hers in tomato soup okay, although she agrees they're not great on their own. Three stars from her.

Bottom line: 5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Non-Dairy Frozen Dessert Chocolate Fudge Oat Bars

Let's kick the new year off right. It's January, and everybody's craving frozen treats, right? No? Well then, let's crank up the heat, put on a tropical island screen saver, and pretend it's the middle of July. Not every review can be seasonally appropriate.

I've honestly been surprised how well oat lends itself to fudge and chocolate flavors. In almost every case, these oats and oat milk-based products would have been a godsend if I were still on my milk-free diet as I was as a child, or for that matter, if I were vegan. I'm thinking these Chocolate Fudge Oat Bars, the recently-reviewed Very Chocolatey Oat Non-Dairy Frozen Dessert, and Trader Joe's Oat Chocolate Bars.

Conversely, in each case, these chocolatey oat desserts fall just shy of my good old dairy-based stand-by treats. Although it's not really my thing these days, I used to love a good Fudgesicle circa junior high and high school. That's basically what these are: vegan fudge popsicles.

They taste fudgey enough for me, although they might fall a hair shy of the originals in terms of rich chocolatey goodness and creaminess. Still, for being oat-based, it's hard to complain, since the differences are negligible.

Texture-wise, they're sorta creamy-ish, I guess, but also almost a tad oily I'd say. Is it the cocoa butter? Sunflower lecithin? Both? It's not really unappetizing, just unique. The mouthfeel of this product is...interesting.

$3.49 for four bars. It seems odd there are only four. Six would be ideal by my estimate. Sonia gives these oaty treats four out of five stars. I give Trader Joe's Non-Dairy Frozen Dessert Chocolate Fudge Oat Bars three out of five stars.

Bottom line: 7 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Fig & Olive Crisps

The box claims that figs and olives have been served together for millennia. Welp, golly. Don't I feel behind the times by a few thousand years. This is the first I've heard of it.

I guess it makes sense. You've got the sweet with the figs and the salty with the olives. Throw in some grains and seeds and you've got the beginnings of a top-shelf hors d'oeuvre right here.

We've seen Trader Joe's do this before. They combine two fascinating ingredients that seem like they'd be at odds with one another and throw them into a crunchy "crisp" format. I'm thinking summer's Strawberry & Jalapeño Crisps as well as the very autumnal Pumpkin Cranberry Crisps. The general verdict: they're good, but they need to be served with a dip, spread, or cheese.

Trader Joe's Fig & Olive Crisps are no different. Both flavor-wise and texture-wise, these crisps can only be fully redeemed with creamy cheeses. The sweet Christmassy figginess does clash with the briny olive flavor in a way when the crisps are consumed sans condiments. But there's just something about a good chevre or even low-brow cream cheese that balances out the flavors just right and tempers the über-crunchiness to a tolerable level. The box also recommends brie, cheddar, or manchego cheese, as well as sliced olives and figs.

I know there are folks out there that love these just the way they are. Sonia and I don't fall into that category 100% but we can see where those folks are coming from. Also, figs are super apropos during Yuletide, so we'll try to be fair and balanced. 

$3.99 for the box. The beautiful wifey gives Trader Joe's Fig & Olive Crisps three and a half stars. I'll throw out three.

Bottom line: 6.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Decorate Your Own Holiday Ornaments Cookie Kit

It might be an unpopular opinion, but in general, I think food should just be food and decorations should just be decorations. I've never discovered a product that excelled at both simultaneously. And that's to be expected, isn't it? Most edible decorations have been handled excessively before anyone gets the chance to eat them. And if they do, in fact, serve the purpose of ornamentation, well, then...they've likely been sitting out in the open collecting dust, being touched by children and licked by pets for goodness knows how long.

Of course, there are exceptions to every rule. And that's one of the reasons we'll be looking at this classic Trader Joe's Decorate Your Own Holiday Ornaments Cookie Kit. We'll be sure to score based on value and fun-factor, not just on taste and texture of the "baked cookies."

First observation: this is a big box. It's heavy. It's one pound and 4.7 ounces! I think that's the second heaviest food product we've ever purchased from Trader Joe's after the big round tin of Jingle Jangle.

There are three tubes of icing: red, white, and green. The colors aren't particularly vibrant. They're rather drab for holiday red and green. I suppose we can chalk that up to Trader Joe's using natural stuff for colors like vegetable juice, paprika, beet powder, turmeric, and spirulina extract instead of typical man-made dyes. That's fine. It's a trade-off.

There are two of each cookie shape: gift box, Christmas tree, snowman, and snowflake. And there are two little packets of candy decorations, one with tiny snowflakes, candy canes, gingerbread men, trees, and balls of various colors. They also give you shiny golden twist ties to hang the ornaments from your Christmas tree.

They taste like the most boring sugar cookies ever. They're only moderately sweet, and they taste and feel like they were meant to be decorative. The candy sprinkles and icings aren't much better. I honestly wouldn't buy this as a food item. I guess kids might like 'em, but I can't imagine many adults being enamored by the taste and texture of these things. A full cookie contains 300 calories, and that's not even close to worth it by my estimation—especially around the holidays when there are so many super tasty foods available.

But I gotta admit, they're cute. Feel free to critique our handiwork in the comments below. I'm sure your kids made much nicer cookies than we did. We're a little out of practice at decorating edible Christmas ornaments.

$7.99 for eight cookies. We'll offer two separate scores here, one as a food item, and another as a decorative one. Four Christmas stars a piece from Sonia and me as far as a fun family activity and ornamental value are concerned for Trader Joe's Decorate Your Own Holiday Ornaments Cookie Kit. Two grinchy Christmas stars a piece from Sonia and me for the edible aspects of this box of cookies.

Bottom line: 8 out of 10 stars for the fun-factor.

Bottom line: 4 out of 10 stars for the food-factor.

Trader Joe's Nuts About Rosemary Mix

I grew up calling hazelnuts "filberts." After a quick internet search, I found people claiming that they're the exact same thing and the two monikers are interchangeable. I also found people stating that although somewhat similar, they are, in fact, two different types of nuts. I found claims that Americans say "hazelnut" while Brits and Europeans say "filbert" for reasons they failed to adequately explain. Further, some said that they were called "filberts" after St. Philbert's Feast, which is held in France near the time of hazelnut harvest.

At any rate, Trader Joe's calls the ones in this mix "hazelnuts." I'm fine with that. I like them. I like this mix okay. But wouldn't you know it: this mix tastes like rosemary...like A LOT of rosemary. Who'd have guessed?

As is typical, I was racing through the aisles at Trader Joe's shortly after opening, trying to score some as-yet-unreviewed items before the store got even more crowded. I guess I was thinking this was more of a snack mix, following in the tradition of Trader Joe's Step Up to the Snack Bar Mix from four years back, or Trader Joe's Stepping It Up Spicy Snack Bar Mix from just a couple years ago, both reviewed during the month of December on this blog. But it's all nuts. It's all nuts and rosemary.

And if you're nuts about rosemary, that's a good thing. There are visible flecks of the stuff on nearly every nut. And it's a great lot of nuts for just about seven bucks. The vast majority of the nuts in our tub were completely whole, with a minority of the cashews being halves. They're all seriously high quality.

I think I might have enjoyed this more if there had been crackers or crisps or pretzels of some sort to soothe the raging carbivore within me. There's a fair amount of sea salt here, and just a hint of sunflower oil and sugar, so the nuts aren't entirely undressed. Fortunately, Sonia and I like cashews, pecans, almonds, and hazelnuts quite a bit.

Rosemary? I'm good with rosemary when it plays second fiddle to other flavors. The nuts are fairly rosemary-forward here. I'm totally down for a handful or two at a time, and then I have to back off. Sonia's the same way, but in general, she's a tad more wary of too much rosemary.

Wary of rosemary. Heh. That rhymes.

But she actually threw me a curveball here. She thinks the rosemary balance with the nut flavor is just about right. She's significantly more into these than I am, and she's on record not liking products because of "too much rosemary" in the past. I'm thinking specifically of Trader Joe's Turkey-Less Stuffed Roast we reviewed many years ago.

I'll go with three stars here for the good quality and decent value. Sonia will throw out four stars. I'll just say if you LOVE the taste of rosemary, I think a projected score for this one might be closer to 8 or 9. But for us, we'll give Trader Joe's Nuts About Rosemary about seven total stars.

Bottom line: 7 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Mini Peppermint Meringues

I've admitted before on this blog that I'm not big into the texture of meringues. I think it was in a review of the Vienna Coffee Meringues that I likened the texture of Trader Joe's meringue cookies to chalk. These are really no different. So why try them at all you ask?

Because sometimes Trader Joe's surprises me. And even more frequently than that, I surprise myself. Somehow, peppermint lends itself to crunchy, sugary stuff more than most flavors. I guess I'm thinking of candy canes. I'd always be too impatient to suck the thing slowly, and I'd just snap a big piece off and start crunching away, much to the chagrin of my parents and childhood dentist.

Anyway, if I could chew hard candy peppermint as a kid, I guess I can give these airy, crunchy peppermint dealies a try. At least these are meant to be crunched rather than sucked, so there's that. However, I can't imagine they're much better for your teeth than a candy cane.

The flavor is fine. It's candy cane-esque, with sugar and egg white mixed in there. I still can't fully get past the texture, though. I'm fine chomping on one or two at a time, but I could never really see myself craving these sweets over any other type of cookies or candy.

I guess one reason people like them is the zero fat content and low calorie count. If not for the sugar content, these might be considered keto-friendly. In fact, the serving suggestion says 11 "cookies" are only 80 calories. I had to see what other folks were saying about these meringues around the web and stumbled across a review that summed up my feelings on the subject nearly exactly: "I'm convinced that eating 11 of these would put you in the hospital, needing an IV insulin drip."

He's right. Eating 11 of these in one sitting should be called the Trader Joe's Mini Peppermint Meringues Challenge and should be regarded with the same contempt that sane folks have for things like swallowing an entire Carolina reaper pepper or a whole shaker of cinnamon while filming oneself on TikTok.

$2.99 for the tub of ~38 mini meringues isn't a bad value. I definitely wouldn't buy them again. Predictably, Sonia tolerated them a bit better than I did, but she's not down for a repeat buy either. I think we're looking at about three stars each on Trader Joe's Mini Peppermint Meringues.

Bottom line: 6 out of 10.

Trader Joe's The Most Wonderful Time of the Year Advent Calendar

Goodness gracious, Trader Joe. Talk about self-promotion. There's so much advertising for your own stuff on this advent calendar, you should pay us to take one!

But, alas, I did pay the whopping 99¢ for 24 pieces of chocolate. Let's see if they're as bad as Trader Joe's Old Advent Calendar.

Actually, nope. These are fresher somehow. Maybe it's because this one is wrapped in cellophane. I feel like the ones many years ago were just cardboard. I could be wrong, though. It's been 11 years.

Nevertheless, these chocolates are nothing to write home about. They're just plain sweet milk chocolate with no gimmicks, no surprises. I'd never buy them if not for the 24 interactive countdown windows. Advent calendars are fun even if the chocolate is yucky. Also, this one has a handy dandy checklist on the back with all your favorite Christmas items. They're the same ones featured on the artwork on the front.

Coincidentally, we've reviewed just about all those products on the advent calendar. Two can play at that shameless self-promotion game, Trader Joe's.

In the top left, we've got a big tin of Trader Joe's Jingle Jangle.

In the bottom left, I see a bag of Trader Joe's Scandinavian Tidings.

On the top right, there's a bottle of Trader Joe's Winter Wassail.

Also, on the right, I spy with my little eye: a carton of Trader Joe's Almond Nog.

And there's some Trader Joe's Candy Cane Joe-Joe's down there, too.

Last but certainly not least, there's a jar of Trader Joe's Cookie Butter.

What can I say? It's fun and cheap. And the chocolate doesn't taste like glue or cardboard. Three and a half stars a piece from Sonia and me for Trader Joe's The Most Wonderful Time of the Year Advent Calendar. That's fair, right?

Bottom line: 7 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Gluten Free Triple Ginger Muffins

Like raw garlic, ginger is one of those miracle substances that's truly a gift to mankind. It has antibacterial properties. It can lower blood pressure. It can even aid digestion and help fight the common cold. Unlike garlic, it actually lends a great flavor to candies, sweet beverages, and other treats.

I can't vouch for any health benefits or healing properties from this particular product, but I can tell you it tastes significantly like real, raw, unadulterated ginger. In my opinion, they got the ginger flavor juuust right. It's always a delicate balance. The recently-reviewed Gingerbread Sandwich Cookies didn't have enough real ginger flavor if you ask me, and products like the Ginger, Almond & Cashew Granola had too much raw ginger flavor. This product nailed the ginger level with ginger puree, candied ginger, crystallized ginger, and ground ginger. Wait. That's four kinds of ginger. That makes this product Trader Joe's Gluten Free Quadruple Ginger Muffins. I guess "triple ginger" rolls off the tongue a little better.

The ginger is balanced out by the alternative flours like rice, potato, and tapioca along with a sweetness blend including molasses and brown sugar. Sonia, in particular, loved the molasses and brown sugar. The ginger flavor is powerful, but not overwhelming.

Texture-wise, these are practically identical to October's Gluten Free Pumpkin Streusel Muffins. They're not simply moist or oily, they're nearly wet with a sticky liquid glaze. There's an unusual fresh-baked quality about them, and they don't suffer for a lack of wheat or gluten. Unlike the pumpkin version, these didn't seem to have that grainy or gritty texture at all.

$4.99 for four muffins. Sonia likes pumpkin just a bit more than she likes ginger, so she'll go a half star lower on this one. I'll go half a star higher since these didn't make me cough. So four stars from me, three and a half from the beautiful wifey on Trader Joe's Gluten Free Triple Ginger Muffins.

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Pumpkin Spiced Teeny Tiny Pretzels

I've studied our analytics enough to know that nobody reads our blog over Thanksgiving weekend, so here's a throwaway review made special just for today!

Why is it throwaway? Two main reasons. One: people are sick of pumpkin spice by this time of year, including me, sort of. Two: we've already reviewed this product, well, not exactly, but sort of.

The last time we reviewed this product, it was called Trader Joe's Pumpkin Spice Pretzel Slims rather than Trader Joe's Pumpkin Spiced Teeny Tiny Pretzels. I think we actually complained during that review that the pretzels weren't actual pretzels but just flat pretzel "slims" or skins. 

Well, I guess we should be grateful because these are actual pretzels—teeny tiny pretzels, in fact, in case you hadn't gathered that by the name of the product or the name of this post or the picture of the miniature pretzels on the bag or the picture of the mini pretzels in this review.

Mini pretzels covered in that "yogurt flavored" coating—which functions more like white chocolate than yogurt—with pumpkin spice and pumpkin seeds on top is indeed what we have here, and it tastes exactly like its predecessor. I like this version a tad bit more because they used three-dimensional pretzels this time, but neither Sonia nor I like them enough to raise our score. 

Eight is enough for Trader Joe's Pumpkin Spiced Teeny Tiny Pretzels, which probably aren't around anymore this year. Catch 'em in the fall of 2023 if you're into this sort of thing. Or bust 'em out of the back of the pantry now and munch on 'em in between leftover turkey sandwiches since I reminded you that they're actually pretty decent and snackable. $2.99 for the resealable bag.

Bottom line: 8 out of 10.

Trader Joe's This Coconut Brings Chocolate on a Date Bars

This product isn't very Thanksgivingy, is it? Not at first glance, no. But just think of all the travel that will be happening this week. You'll be stuck in the car with ravenous kids and nowhere to pull over. Everyone will be screaming that they're hungry while you're driving over the river and through the woods to grandmother's house you go, and then you'll remember you brought a box of Trader Joe's This Coconut Brings Chocolate on a Date Bars.

Convenient? Of course. Just five ingredients—that's a plus. The texture: soft, chewy, moist, with little bits of coconut swimming all throughout. Both Sonia and I like the mouthfeel just fine.

As far as the taste goes, this will be the second product in a row where we disagree. Sonia says the chocolate throws the whole thing off. She'd rather have a 100% fruit and coconut bar. We've seen those before: Trader Joe's Apple + Coconut Bar.

I think the chocolate is done exceptionally well in this instance: there's both non-sweet chocolate and cocoa powder, and it rounds out the product with a rich, dark indulgent quality that plain fruit bars lack. I'll plow through this box all by myself with little or no help from the beautiful wifey. Also, the size of the bars is absolutely perfect for keeping the blood sugar up and holding the munchies at bay.

As an aside, I should mention that I'm not sure why there appears to be a big white patch on the bar in the photo I took. It almost looks like a weird white mold on the bar. I assure you it didn't look like that in real life. Must have been a trick of the light or something.

$3.69 for five bars. Five? Why not six? Hmm. I'd still buy 'em again. Sonia probably wouldn't. Three stars from her. I've gotta throw out at least four and a half to keep Trader Joe's This Coconut Brings Chocolate on a Date Bars in the realm of respectability.

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Gingerbread Sandwich Cookies

Is this jumping the gun? It's not quite the Christmas season yet in my book. Thanksgiving should get its rightful day in the sun, for sure. I mean, on one hand, this product has been available at Trader Joe's for at least a couple weeks now, and I do know people that do Christmas movies, decorations, trees, you name it, starting the day after Halloween. Even I think that's too early. In our household, as well as the house I grew up in, the Christmas season officially begins the day after Thanksgiving, aka Black Friday. The tree goes up in all its glory, the decorations come out, and the Christmas song playlist begins.

I'll make an exception with this product since it's not overtly Christmassy. One could make an argument that gingerbread is fair game at Thanksgiving. Furthermore, folks need to know in advance whether this is a worthy holiday season purchase or not. So...is it? In short, Sonia will tell you an enthusiastic "yes!" and I'll give you a lackluster "meh."

There's nothing inherently wrong with these cookies. They're soft rather than crispy, which is a plus as far as we're concerned. They taste relatively fresh and gingery, although there's very little actual raw ginger flavor. They're more like stereotypical dessert-ish gingerbread. I'm not big into the sandwich cookie format always, but I must admit it works here. That's one of Sonia's favorite parts—the huge amounts of cream cheese-based filling. You can even see in the photo some of the specimens are just bursting at the seams with sweet cream icing. It might be overkill in a few instances, but the average cookie in the box is balanced pretty well in terms of filling versus gingerbread.

Sonia keeps going back for several cookies throughout the course of each day, whereas I've tired of the flavor for the most part. They still taste fresh enough. I guess I'm just not a huge gingerbread cookie fan. Also, there are big granules of sugar that crunch when you chew them. It makes me think the enamel on my teeth is crumbling with each and every bite. And the aftertaste, while not particularly pungent, has an odd baking soda essence.

At around five bucks for 18 cookies, it's hard to complain about the value-factor. Still, I don't think I'll muster more than three holiday stars for these wintry cookies. Sonia will tell you I'm wrong and that they're a great early Christmas season treat and would be perfect for parties. Four and a half stars from her. If you've tried these, let us know in the comments who's right and who's wrong about Trader Joe's Gingerbread Sandwich Cookies.

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's PBC Bars

Long ago, we reviewed Trader Joe's ABC Bars, the almond butter version of this peanut butter-based snack. In the post, I came up with as many "ABC" word combos as I could think of. It'd be a pretty big charge to do it again. It's in the past, babe, chill. I couldn't possibly be creative like that again.

Pleasantly buttery, creamy, these bars make positively boss comestibles like their predecessors. Trader Joe's packed blissful cocoa all through these bars, also peanut butter, creamy-style—pretty basic concept. 

But now that I've tried 'em, I get powerful bad cravings. Perhaps babies cry for PBC. They'd be a proper buy at checkout.

Health-wise, these are presumably a better choice than pretzels, brownies, chips. I would personally bake cookies, but I'm sure they wouldn't be as good as these. Perfect bars for camping, they'd probably be convenient.

People begging for chow? Pickup a box of craveable peanut butter cocoa bars. Please be careful: they're addicting. 

$3.29 for six bars. Vegan. Gluten free. I think I prefer the almond butter version just ever so slightly over these. I'm usually a peanut butter guy, but almond butter works a little better in this application. Still, peanut butter is never unwelcome to the beautiful wifey and me. Four stars a piece from Sonia and me for Trader Joe's PBC Bars.

Bottom line: 8 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Apple Cranberry Tart

I, personally, haven't seen the Rustic Apple Tarte on shelves in a while. I've seen posts about it on social media, so it must still be out there somewhere. That thing was legendary. So, if you can, pick one up.

If you can't, this delicious pastry is the next best thing. This has more of a sweet tart vibe. I don't mean that it's a tart that's sweet. I mean it's a tart that is both sweet and tart. Make sense? It's a much more tart tart than the rustic apple dealie, courtesy of cranberries. The apple tarte was just appliciously sweet.

The crust on this product is still outstanding, flaunting a country-style homemade vibe and buttery deliciousness. It's flaky and crumbly and just rigid enough to hold the fruit in the middle of the tart where it belongs.

Weaknesses? Well, for me, the cranberries weren't quite as melt-in-your-mouth perfect as the apples, texture-wise. Cranberries can have a slightly leathery texture and some of these did, just ever so slightly. Also, the aforementioned rustic apple tarte had candied almond slivers on top. This didn't. I miss those.

The missus raved about this tart from first bite. She said it's like something you'd pick up in an artisan bakery in Paris. She pointed out the impeccable balance of flavors and nice presentation. Her only complaint: she wants a four-pack next time. Two tarts just aren't enough.

$4.99 for the box. Heats in 20 minutes at 350° in a conventional oven. As highly as we'll recommend this dessert, it'll still score a full star lower than its rustic apple cousin. Four and a half stars from Sonia. Four from me on Trader Joe's Apple Cranberry Tart.

Bottom line: 8.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Very Chocolatey Oat Non-Dairy Frozen Dessert with Fudge Brownies

Every Good Boy Deserves Fudge. E-G-B-D-F. Anybody else? It's a mnemonic device to remember the lines on the treble clef. Or, alternatively, Every Good Boy Does Fine. I was terrible at piano even after nine years of lessons. I'm much more of a bass guitar guy. Sorry for the rabbit trail. I could go on for pages and pages, but we have a product to review here.

Trader Joe's Very Chocolatey Oat Non-Dairy Frozen Dessert with Fudge Brownies. That's a mouthful and a half for a product title. If nothing else, it's accurate. I mean, the fudge brownies aren't, like, whole brownies or anything. They're not even really chunks. More like bits...or bites. But there's a bunch of 'em, and they're pretty tasty.

Here we have rich, fudgy chocolate oat milk ice cream on top of rich, fudgy chocolate morsels. I have to be in the mood for "chocolate overload" to really enjoy a product like this one. Fortunately, I had one of my infrequent cravings just the other day. It was cold and gloomy, and I needed a pick-me-up. This did the trick in terms of picking me up...but not so much in terms of warming me up.

Well, duh. It is frozen dessert after all.

The oatiness doesn't really detract from the flavor. It's a pretty decent frozen dessert for being vegan. I will say there's something "loamy" about the look and texture. Can I use that word here? It's generally reserved for describing dirt. "This soil is loamy," said the farmer. It means a certain percentage is clay, silt, and sand. Not that it felt sandy in my mouth or anything like that. Clay-ish, perhaps.

Truth be told, I'm not really up to speed on all these newfangled dairy-free options from other brands these days. I've had a few. I think I'm more partial to rice-based ice cream than oat, but I wouldn't complain if you stuck a bowl of this frozen treat in front of me.

Sonia liked it but didn't love it. She'd generally prefer a vanilla-based frozen treat and thinks oat lends itself to less rich flavor combos rather than double chocolate like we have here.

$3.99 for the pint. Don't think I'd pick it up again, but I might if I were lactose intolerant or vegan. Three and a half stars from Sonia. Three from me for Trader Joe's Very Chocolatey Oat Non-Dairy Frozen Dessert.

Bottom line: 6.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Glazed Maple Donuts

Well, shoot. That's a tough act to follow: a teary-eyed farewell post with 12 years worth of memories and reviews and goodbyes and whatnot. I might lose half my audience if I don't bring my A-game here these next few posts. What could possibly do this blog justice after that?

I honestly don't know. But these maple glazed donuts are gonna give it the old college try, that's for sure. And I gotta say: I'm a fan.

In terms of cakiness and density, these are not unlike the Apple Cider Donuts from a few years back. These maple dealies look a little more cruller-ish in terms of their twisty, braided appearance. They're soft, sweet, and made fresh daily—something I didn't realize before this purchase. I guess they get delivered? I don't think there's a bakery in that back room at the Trader Joe's store...but I could be wrong.

The glaze is mapley, but honestly, it might not be quiiiite mapley enough for this guy. I was thinking they'd be absolutely dripping with real, rich maple syrup from Canada or Vermont or somewhere like that. I mean, they are maplicious. Don't get me wrong. There's maple in that glaze for sure. But it's almost like they mixed the regular sugar glaze from a plain glazed donut with a maple glaze, yielding a donut that is exactly half as mapley as I'd like it to be.

Fun fact: maple syrup appears in the ingredients list under the "contains less than 2% of the following" section. Version 2.0 should contain at least 4% maple syrup. I guess I could always add my own syrup...

The friendly Trader Joe's clerk gave me the following pro-tip, and I'll pass it along to you: microwave each donut for 15 seconds before consuming. These are fine at room temperature, but they're waaay better warmed up.

Sonia digs 'em a lot, too, although she agrees the maple flavor could be a little stronger. She says they'd go well with coffee. Indeed they would, my love. Indeed they would. $4.49 for six pastries. Four stars from Sonia, four from me on Trader Joe's Glazed Maple Donuts.

Bottom line: 8 out of 10.