Trader Joe's Mango & Passion Fruit Squares

Straight outta Thailand, Trader Joe's Mango & Passion Fruit Squares will run you $2.29 for 17 little bite-sized treats. True to the name, they are indeed square-shaped, measuring 1.25" x 1.25" and weighing just over 9 grams a piece. They're individually wrapped AND they come in a resealable bag for a multi-layered defense against spoilage and dryness.

Upon unsealing the bag, you'll note the sweet-tart scents of mango and passionfruit wafting out from the package. I was expecting something akin to fruit leather in terms of texture, but these tangy tidbits are softer and moister than any other fruit snack I've ever tried. They're sweet and a little sour, and mango and passionfruit are the top two ingredients. There's also some added sugar, but it's far from excessive. 35 total calories per square isn't bad.

The fruit snacks are extremely sticky and sometimes difficult to remove from their little pouches. They're soft enough that they easily tear into pieces with certain sections sticking to your fingers while other portions remain glued to the inside of the plastic wrapper. If you're eating these on the go, you'll want wet naps on standby. The back of the bag proudly declares that they "won't make a mess!" It's a bald-faced lie, I tell you.

These morsels are mostly smooth dried fruit, but certain bites contain noticeable fibrous threads. I guess other dried fruit like dates and figs have similar fibers, but mango tends to have them quite a bit. Not a dealbreaker by any means, but the fibers are about the only things that remind you this is real fruit and not soft, chewy sugar candy.

Would buy again. The beautiful wifey gives Trader Joe's Mango & Passion Fruit Squares eight out of ten stars. I'll go with eight out of ten stars too just for the value alone. Each square costs less than 14 cents. I'm guessing these will disappear pretty soon, so grab 'em before they're replaced with something that begins with "Trader Joe's Pumpkin Spice" fill in the blank...

Bottom line: 8 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Pineapple Coconut Bars

Ryan Hall says September is going to be abnormally hot for most of the USA. If you're like Sonia and me that means it's still tropical popsicle season. Apple, pumpkin, and sweet potato can wait a few more weeks until the air gets a bit cooler. But if you're one of those poor, misguided individuals that just has to get your PSL on the moment the kids are back at school, then sit back, relax, and click play on our Ultimate Fall Foods Playlist on YouTube. Or take a gander at some classic written reviews of fall stuff—much of which has already returned to Trader Joe's—right here on our blog.

For the rest of you, we're here to tell you that Trader Joe's Pineapple Coconut Bars are refreshing and tasty, and they've got pretty decent ingredients and non-threatening nutritionals. At just 90 calories per bar, I'd say they're worth checking out.

They're pretty pineapple forward. That might be our biggest complaint. The coconut cream gets overshadowed by the pineapple juice concentrate in the flavor profile. Sonia wishes there were coconut shavings throughout the bar to add more coconut flavor and some texture. I don't disagree.

The coconut adds a nice thickness to the texture and a greater level of creaminess than I expected. These are not just frozen juice popsicles. They're sweet and smooth, and they really hit the spot for any "beat-the-heat" type situation. I just wish the actual coconut flavor were there in a bigger way. It's not really a piña colada vibe. It's more like PINEAPPLE with a whisper of coconut cream.

There is something undeniably satisfying about eating a frozen treat when it's 95 degrees outside and the humidity is doing its best to turn you into a damp towel. These are particularly good for that kind of weather because they're not so heavy or rich that you feel like you've made a terrible mistake halfway through eating one. Grab a couple, sit outside, and pretend you're on a tropical island instead of standing in your backyard watching your neighbor mow his lawn.

Sonia and I would both buy Trader Joe's Pineapple Coconut Bars again. $3.79 for six individually-wrapped popsicles. Gluten free. Kosher. Vegan. I'll throw out eight stars once again. The beautiful wifey will spring for eight and a half.

Bottom line: 8.25 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Sweet Chili Black-Eyed Pea Tempeh Chips

I've always been an adventurous eater. A lot of it was because of some food sensitivities I had when I was younger. I was constantly being fed alternative grains, milks, meats, and what my friends considered "health food." Some of it was definitely delicious...and some of it was downright disgusting.

But eating, for me, was all about the discovery of new things. While my friends stuck with old standbys, I was drinking goat milk, rice milk, and oat milk decades before they were cool. I was eating bison burgers while my peers were eating McDonald's for the fourth time in a week. As far as grains were concerned, wheat was forbidden by my parents for most of my childhood. I ate rice bread, millet bread, and pancakes made with amaranth flour, among other things.

Even so, I'd never even heard of foods like seitan and tempeh until I befriended a group of vegetarians and vegans while living in Wilmington, NC in my early twenties. They introduced me to dishes that included tofu and soybean-based tempeh. I can still count on one hand the number of times I've had tempeh since then, but I'll never forget my first time trying it. I liked it. Didn't love it—but I liked it.

Apparently, Trader Joe's Sweet Chili Tempeh Chips are made with black-eyed peas rather than soybeans. That's just fine with me. I just realized two things while researching basic info about tempeh: 1) tempeh is fermented and uses a "starter culture" somewhat akin to sourdough and 2) tempeh is a traditional Indonesian food—and this product is indeed imported from Indonesia.

That said, these are very tasty chips. They're gluten free, they come in a resealable bag, and they're surprisingly spicy. There's definitely a sweet chili flavor not unlike your typical sweet Thai chili sauce, although not quite as syrupy sweet. Underneath, there's a good bit of saltiness and the earthy, nutty essence of black-eyed peas.

They're crispy and crunchy and remind me a bit of other bean-based chips—like traditional chips or crisps but denser and a bit more hearty. There's a faint dusting of powdery garlic and paprika on the surface of the chips and they're just mildly oily, too. They've got coconut oil but I wouldn't say any coconut shows up in the flavor profile in any meaningful way.

$3.49 for the 3 oz resealable bag. Gluten free. Product of Indonesia. Sonia and I would buy this again, but we fully recognize this is a product that won't be for everyone. If spicy chips made with black-eyed peas sound intriguing, we say give 'em a try. I can't imagine these will be at Trader Joe's forever, but I wouldn't be upset if they were. Eight out of ten stars from both Sonia and me for Trader Joe's Sweet Chili Black-Eyed Pea Tempeh Chips.

Bottom line: 8 out of 10.

Trader Joe's All Mixed Up Ice Cream

When I look at the title of this product, I think of that old 311 song "All mixed up, don't know what to do/ Next thing you turn around and find the person is you." Anybody else? Just me? That song was probably before your time if you were born in the last 30 years or so.

As far as the ice cream goes, I like it. I like Trader Joe's All Mixed Up quite a bit, actually. I want to LOVE it, but there are just a few things about it that I have slight reservations about. But let's be positive and look at all the things that are working here.

First off, I'm glad they went with a vanilla ice cream base. Vanilla is the obvious choice when you're doing something weird and complicated, where the mix-ins are providing most of the flavor and interest. Those of you who've been reading for a while know that I love peanut butter and peanut butter-based desserts. There is an actual peanut butter swirl in here as well as mini chocolate peanut butter cups. Both elements are well-represented and balance out the vanilla sweetness with a rich, savory nuttiness.

I like the pretzels, too. They provide a nice carb-o-riffic crunch and a bit of brittle breadiness. I am not, however, a fan of the candy coating around the pretzels. To me, it's unnecessary to add a confectionery coating to something that is already highly indulgent and intensely sweet. It's like a Buddy the Elf move. There's a reason normal people don't add frosting to vanilla pudding.

The chocolate and vanilla creme sandwich cookie bits are fine but totally unnecessary IMO. The pieces are quite small for the most part, so they didn't really influence my enjoyment of the peanut butter elements either way. Similarly, the rainbow sprinkles are inconsequential aside from some potential visual appeal—if you're into that sort of thing.

I would have leaned into the peanut butter and pretzel elements and not messed around with sandwich cookies, candy coatings, and jimmies if it were me, but then we'd basically have Trader Joe's Chubby Hubby, which I'd be totally fine with. However, it's peanut buttery enough as it stands, so I'll give it a decent score.

$3.99 for the pint. Kosher. I would buy it again while Sonia would not. Eight out of ten stars from me for Trader Joe's All Mixed Up Ice Cream. Sonia likes the peanut butter in the ice cream, as well, but she thinks it's way too busy overall. She prefers simpler desserts in her old age. Seven out of ten stars from her.

Nathan's score: 8 out of 10.

Sonia's score: 7 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Deli Sandwich Style Potato Chips

Never been a huge fan of plain potato chips. I'll nibble on one or two if I want something salty, but I generally find them boring. I'll eat barbecue flavored chips all day long. Or give me something with onions or chives and some kind of sassy sauce—like Trader Joe's Ridge Cut Horseradish Chips.

That said, Trader Joe's Deli Sandwich Style Potato Chips are some of the best "plain" potato chips I've ever had. They have a "vegetarian deli style seasoning" on them. Neither Sonia nor I really know what that means, but we like the flavor of these chips quite a bit.

They're fried in vegetable oil, and they have a nice rich—almost buttery—feeling to them. "Milk" is actually listed in the ingredients. Not sure how common that is in potato chips, but it works here somehow. There's a modest vinegar flavor underneath the potato and oil, and Sonia likened these to salt & vinegar chips. I thought they tasted very similar to Trader Joe's Chips In a Pickle, but with noticeably milder pickle flavor. There's even a hint of mustard in the mix.

They're quite crunchy, but they're not obnoxiously hard. That butteriness lends itself to the mouthfeel just a bit, too. They're a little oily, but not in a bad way. These are honestly an outstanding companion to any deli style sandwich.

$2.99 for the 7 oz bag. Kosher. Would buy again. Trader Joe's Deli Sandwich Style Potato Chips are "plain" chips that are absolutely not plain. That flavor is rich, zippy, and uncommon. On the video review, upon first taste, I gave these chips seven and a half stars—a very good score for me for potato chips, but I think I'm going to have to raise that to match the beautiful wifey's score of eight out of ten. These are definitely "really darn good" potato chips.

Bottom line: 8 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Fresh Cut Watermelon Chunks

I'm the first one to admit Trader Joe's isn't always the best place to buy fresh produce. But Sonia was quick to point out that we've never even tried any of their pre-cut fruit options. Hey, there's a first time for everything, so we picked up a batch of Trader Joe's Fresh Cut Watermelon Chunks.

Hot take: this batch of watermelon was pretty good. At $3.99 for a full pound of pre-cut, fully de-rinded seedless watermelon, it was a great value. They were nice uniform cubes, none too big, none too small—perfectly bite-sized.

As is the case with most watermelons, certain pieces were a darker shade of red than the others. There was a sliding scale going from pale pink or almost white to that deep rich red that you want to find. I'd seek out the reddest piece, stab it with my fork, and pop it in my mouth. So good. There's nothing like cold watermelon on a hot day.

The paler pieces were, unfortunately, far less sweet and far less scrumptious than their deep red counterparts. They weren't awful—far from inedible. They were simply, predictably, not as good. Just a tad bland.

I'm pretty picky when it comes to fresh fruit in general, but especially with watermelon. I'd say about 2/3 of the plastic tub was up to my standards. I ate a few of the paler specimens just to convince myself that they weren't really up to snuff, and the beautiful wifey took one for the team and finished them off after dressing them up a bit with lime juice and Trader Joe's Chile Lime Seasoning.

All things considered, I think we'd buy this product again. It was at least as good as other batches of pre-cut watermelon I've had from other grocery stores. Product of the USA. Let's go with seven and a half from me for Trader Joe's Fresh Cut Watermelon Chunks. Sonia will go with eight out of ten.

Bottom line: 7.75 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Hard Cooked Eggs

Trader Joe's Hard Cooked Eggs will run you $3.49 for six eggs. They're found refrigerated near the other egg products and they come in a resealable bag. Obviously, you're paying for the packaging and the convenience since TJ's basic eggs are usually in the ballpark of three and a half bucks for a dozen.

The eggs in our bag were unblemished—nice smooth whole hard-boiled eggs. None were broken or pierced. There's a small amount of moisture in the bag, as you'd expect. There is a cautionary note on the packaging indicating there may be shell fragments in the product, but we found absolutely none in ours.

I'm gonna go out on a limb and assume that just about everyone reading this knows what a hard-boiled egg tastes and feels like, so I guess we'll skip over the part where I describe the flavor and texture to you. We ate a couple straight out of the bag and then Sonia made egg salad with the rest. See pic. Yes, those are Trader Joe's Pickled Red Onions in the egg salad. Yummy.

We hard boil our own eggs. I like eggs just fine and the beautiful wifey is downright obsessed with them. We just wanted to check out this product and assess the quality and value because that's what we do here. Been doing it for 16 years—in fact August 16th will mark the 16th anniversary of this blog exactly. Not gonna stop any time soon.

If you've got $3.49 burning a hole in your pocket and a hankering for hard-boiled...er hard-cooked eggs, there's no reason not to buy these. It's obviously cheaper to make them yourself, but if you're short on time or just plain lazy, these will do just fine. Would be a nice item to take on a picnic or road trip. Kosher. Sourced from cage free hens. Purchased on August 2 with a "best by" date of September 23. Eight out of ten stars for Trader Joe's Hard Cooked Eggs.

Bottom line: 8 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Chicken Breast Bites

This is one of those products that doesn't seem like it could possibly be impressive with just chicken and a bit of sauce and yet, somehow, Trader Joe's Chicken Breast Bites are actually shockingly good. At four bucks for just shy of four ounces, it's not exactly a steal, but as usual, you get what you pay for.

The quality of the chicken in this case is superb. Imported from Canada for some strange reason, this pollo is 100% pristine white breast meat. If you've been reading for a while, you'll know I'm a white meat guy when it comes to poultry, and this offering didn't disappoint. The seasoning blend is also top-shelf, featuring a rotisserie-esque combo of rosemary, vinegar powder, garlic, and black pepper.

When I first saw this item in the store, I thought I was looking at chicken with some kind of queso dip in the little reservoir. It's actually honey mustard, and it's also very good. Containing actual honey, mustard powder, and mustard seed, it's sweet, tangy, and turns the plain chicken into a satisfying snack all by itself. Sonia and I shared the small pack, and it was plenty of protein (22g) and sugar for an afternoon pick-me-up for both of us.

The pack comes with a little wooden skewer that Sonia was fond of using. I just made sure my hands were nice and clean and went in using my stubby fingers. There's just about the right amount of the sauce, and some of the chicken bites were surprisingly large and chunky.

We'd both buy this one again. $3.99, found in the refrigerated section near the wraps and salads. Product of Canada. Sonia gives Trader Joe's Chicken Breast Bites with Honey Mustard Dipping Sauce a very impressive nine out of ten stars. I'll throw out eight out of ten.

Bottom line: 8.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Cookie Dough Ice Cream Bites

When I first looked at Trader Joe's Cookie Dough Ice Cream Bites, I made what I thought was a perfectly reasonable assumption: chocolate shell on the outside, cookie dough ice cream on the inside. You know...basically a miniature ice cream bonbon with a cookie dough identity crisis.

Nope.

Instead, Trader Joe's pulled a sneaky one. These little guys are actually made with a shell of chocolate chip cookie dough wrapped around creamy vanilla ice cream. If only all chocolate chip cookies had big globs of vanilla crème in their middles...

The cookie dough shell absolutely steals the show here. It's buttery, soft, and just a little chewy—the texture lands in that magical sweet spot where it's sturdy enough to keep the ice cream from escaping, but seldom feels tough or frozen solid. If they are feeling a little too firm, just let them thaw for a couple minutes and they get soft right quick.

There are chocolate chips mixed throughout, but they're refreshingly tiny. Rather than turning every bite into a dental obstacle course, they simply add little pops of chocolate without distracting from that glorious raw cookie dough flavor we all secretly know is the best part of making cookies anyway.

Inside, the vanilla ice cream is smooth, creamy, and pleasantly sweet without trying to overpower everything else. Honestly, I expected either the cookie dough or the ice cream to dominate, but Trader Joe's somehow found the Goldilocks zone. Every bite feels balanced, with neither component hogging the spotlight.

Sure, these aren't quite as sophisticated as that fantastic Lemon Tiramisu, actually imported from Italy. These bites aren't exactly transcendent or life-changing. But if we're talking pure enjoyment? This is probably the best sweet treat or dessert we've seen at Trader Joe's since that stellar citrusy delight.

They're poppable, dangerously easy to keep eating, and somehow manage to feel nostalgic without tasting gimmicky. Trader Joe's Cookie Dough Ice Cream Bites are simple, ridiculously satisfying, and proof that sometimes the best desserts don't need to be too fancy. Both Sonia and I landed on the exact same score without even comparing notes: eight and a half out of ten stars.

Bottom line: 8.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Coconut Cashew Candy Clusters

During our initial taste test, Sonia likened Trader Joe's Coconut Cashew Candy Clusters to the Girl Scout classic: Samoas. I guess it's a fairly obvious comparison. Both have coconut, caramel, and chocolate. The most obvious differences are that these have cashew nuts like another recently-reviewed candy offering from TJ's and these come in a "cluster" format rather than neat, uniform circular cookies.

It's been a hot minute since I've had a box of Girl Scout Cookies, but I'd say these are significantly sweeter than Samoas. Honestly, they're a little too sweet for me. I'm glad Trader Joe's went with milk chocolate rather than dark chocolate for once, but the presence of several different types of sugar and caramel pushes these happy morsels way past the mark in my opinion. I mean, the nuts themselves are "coconut cashews" that already contain cane sugar. It's sugar on sugar on sugar with a whisper of nuttiness.

Also, Samoas have an actual cookie element that adds structural stability. These candies are much gooier. There is a slight crunchy element in the mix which I assume is the coconut cashews. It almost feels and tastes like little pieces of toffee, but I don't see mention of toffee in the ingredients. Not my favorite texture in the world, either.

Still, most folks will find these palatable if not downright delicious. I would have gone absolutely mad for these in my younger years. These days, I'm looking for something a little more balanced, a little more restrained. I would have liked significantly more coconut flavor and cashew flavor. Furthermore, this summer heat makes candy like this a sticky mess. The chocolate and caramel melt instantly upon contact with fingers and hands. Makes me want to put on latex gloves before reaching into the bag.

But even grumpy old men can appreciate super sweet chocolatey candy once in a while. As long as I only eat one or two pieces at a time and wash them down with a swig of milk, I'll easily put a dent in the bag. With a little help from the beautiful wifey, we'll polish off the 6.3 oz package in a few days. Thankfully, it's resealable so we don't have to eat the whole thing at once.

$4.99 for the five serving bag. Kosher. Probably wouldn't buy this one again, personally, but there are plenty of people out there who rave about it. Sonia gives Trader Joe's Coconut Cashew Candy Clusters seven and a half stars. Once again, I'll go with seven out of ten.

Bottom line: 7.25 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Dark Chocolate Covered Cashews

Trader Joe's Dark Chocolate Covered Cashews are the latest in a very, very long line of random things covered in dark chocolate. Don't believe me? Other things they've covered in dark chocolate throughout the years include:

Corn Nuts
Almonds
Graham Crackers
Pistachios
Bacon
Gummy Bears
Coffee Beans
Espresso Beans
Pretzels
Mango Sorbet
Dried Mango
Cookie Sticks
Elephant Dung

Okay, that last one may have involved an element of creative license, but all the others have been totally real, actually-available products at Trader Joe's at one point in time. And that's just a short list off the top of my head. There have been dozens and dozens more that aren't even listed above. Thankfully, most of them have disappeared never to return.

This product falls nearer the top of the list than the bottom I think, in terms of overall edibility. I love me some cashews. Thankfully, these cashews are nice and soft and creamy. They're nothing like the oddly hard and crunchy cashews we found in the Garlic Butter Nut Mix. It may have something to do with the well-above average temperatures we've been having, but I feel like these were among the softest cashews I've ever had. They're very high quality and taste great.

Unfortunately, most of that natural cashew flavor is drown out by copious quantities of dark chocolate. Even Sonia agrees. She'd prefer a greater nut to chocolate ratio. Also, I'd prefer milk chocolate—though I'm quite certain I'm in the minority on that point. And I must admit that as dark chocolate goes, this stuff isn't particularly bitter. I just generally prefer milk chocolate to dark chocolate, but I'm consistently outvoted when debates arise. After all, milk chocolate makes your teeth rot out while dark chocolate is a healthy superfood rich with antioxidants. I digress.

The resealable bag is nice. Nuts are expensive, so five bucks for a 6 oz bag is fine I guess. They're kosher. They're salty and sweet. They're perfectly snackable. Sonia would buy them again. I won't hate on Trader Joe's Dark Chocolate Covered Cashews any more than I already have. If you like dark chocolate covered things and cashew nuts, you'll most likely enjoy these quite a bit.

Sonia's score: 8.5 out of 10.

Nathan's score: 7 out of 10.

Trader Joe's BBQ Flavored Potato Chips

As much as I love novelty and uniqueness, there are certain things a consumer should be able to rely on year after year, decade after decade. I was raised on two outstanding potato chip brands, both with outstanding barbecue flavor offerings. The first you've likely heard of: Utz. Based in Hanover, PA, they offer a widely-available sweet and mild barbecue potato chip that's easy to appreciate and much more interesting than a plain potato chip in my humble opinion. Some Redditors speculate that this Trader Joe's product is simply Utz in disguise.

The other barbecue chip I loved as a kid was Gibble's, made right in my hometown, Chambersburg. Fried in lard rather than vegetable oil, Gibble's offers a much richer flavor with a hearty crunch.

Trader Joe's BBQ Flavored Potato Chips have a softer, lighter crunch more similar to the Utz chips I know and love. They have a good bit of sweetness to them, but there's also a subtle hint of bite thanks to the presence of onion, garlic, paprika, black pepper, cinnamon, and clove. That's quite a spice blend for a simple potato chip.

But back to the reliability factor for a moment. These are the fourth or fifth barbecue chip we've seen from TJ's over the years, but most of those previous iterations aren't available anymore. If you've been shopping at Joe's for a long time, you'll no doubt remember Trader Joe's Hickory Barbeque Potato Chips. Those were a mainstay in our pantry for years and years.

In 2013, we saw Trader Joe's imitate the popular PopChips with their Barbeque Popped Potato Chips. I REALLY liked those, but of course, they vanished just as quickly as they appeared. Later, we saw a strange potato and corn snack with barbecue flavor. And in more recent years, we've had the Carolina Gold BBQ Potato Chips which I believe, shockingly, are still currently available. I like those a bit more than my erstwhile blogging colleague that penned that review seemed to, although I have to say I like these a bit better than the Carolina dealies despite being on record saying I prefer ridge cut potato chips.

$2.99 for the 10 oz bag. Pretty decent value. Kosher. Gluten free. Would buy again. Fingers crossed they keep these around for a while...or at least bring back those wannabe PopChips. Eight out of ten stars from the beautiful wifey for Trader Joe's BBQ Flavored Potato Chips. I'll think I'll match her score this time.

Bottom line: 8 out of 10.

Trader Joe's French Galettes Butter Cookies

Sonia and I first tried these galettes during a multi-cookie showcase we did on video a couple weeks ago. Truth be told, I wasn't exactly enamored with these confections from square one. But of all the cookies we tasted that day, these grew on me the most and actually turned out to be my favorites over time.

Trader Joe's French Galettes Cookies remind me a bit of Royal Dansk Danish butter cookies. You know the big blue tin that Grandma would get for the family at Christmas time..? Yeah, kinda like that, but these are tad more dense and firm, not as crumbly, and I'd say these are saltier than their Danish counterparts.

They're perfect for dunking in hot coffee or your beverage of choice. They're plenty sweet, but more than that, there's that cultured butter vibe. It really grew on me. It's rich and complex. Sonia mentioned she'd eat them with jelly or jam, while other folks suggest they pair well with fresh fruit or ice cream. For the most part, we just enjoyed them straight from the pack with a spot of tea or java.

There are three separately packaged sets of four cookies each, so you only have to open a third of the box at a time. That helps keep the majority of the cookies fresher, longer. It might be an excessive amount of packaging, but the beautiful wifey and I both think it's worth it.

$3.99 for twelve galette cookies imported from France—apparently from some fancy schmancy bakery in Nantes. Might buy again. Seven and a half stars from Sonia for Trader Joe's French Galettes Butter Cookies. I'll go with seven out of ten—which is actually a very high score for me for crunchy cookies of any kind.

Bottom line: 7.25 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Ranch Rolled Corn Tortilla Chips

After trying Trader Joe's Original Rolled Corn Tortilla Chips—the ones with chili lime flavor, we knew we had to check out this latest addition to the lineup: Trader Joe's Ranch Flavored Rolled Corn Tortilla Chips.

Right up front, the taste is ranchtastic. And if you've ever enjoyed a certain blue-bagged ranch tortilla chip from a certain major snack company, you'll immediately recognize where TJ's is going here. These taste very similar to Cool Ranch Doritos. There's that familiar tangy, savory, slightly cheesy ranch seasoning that coats your mouth and makes it really hard to stop reaching back into the bag.

But here, there's a little something extra going on. The seasoning blend is superb. There's onion, garlic, black pepper, and parsley all hanging out together, giving these chips a little more depth than just your standard ranch powder. The garlic and onion give them that savory punch, while the black pepper adds a tiny bit of bite. The parsley is a nice touch too, giving the flavor a little bit of freshness in the middle of all that salty snack goodness. These definitely aren't bland ranch chips.

We're aware that Takis has a ranch flavored offering, too, but neither of us have tried Buckin' Ranch Takis. I've heard mixed reviews about that product. Seems like Takis' wheelhouse is spicy stuff, but some folks say they do ranch pretty well, too.

To be quite honest, Sonia and I usually prefer our tortilla chips in the classic flat triangle shape. There's something about the regular tortilla chip that just works. It's lighter, easier to eat, and most importantly: it makes a much better vehicle for dipping.

The rolled shape is fun, but it also makes them feel a little denser and crunchier than a typical tortilla chip. There's a lot of chip packed into every bite. If you're eating handful after handful, that extra density starts to become noticeable. I thought it was my imagination at first, but I kinda feel like these are a tad thicker and harder than their chili lime counterparts.

In the end, the ranch flavor is spot on, the seasoning blend is delicious, and they absolutely hit the spot if you're craving Cool Ranch Doritos while cruising the aisles at Trader Joe's. Sonia and I both prefer crispy, wispy tortilla chips over something this dense, and we'd probably grab the chili lime offering again before this one—but if you're a ranch chip fan, these are absolutely worth a try. Trader Joe's Ranch Rolled Corn Tortilla Chips are fun, flavorful, and a decent addition to Trader Joe's snack aisle. $2.99. Kosher. Gluten free. Seven and a half stars a piece from Sonia and me.

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Root Beer Float Bars

Sonia and I are 100% in agreement that Trader Joe's Root Beer Float Bars are a better summer buy than the recently-reviewed Trader Joe's Root Beer Float Pieces. These are cold. They provide more refreshment. Their taste is closer to that of an actual root beer float. The candy pieces melt in the heat. They're a tad too sweet. They don't taste quite enough like root beer.

The only point I'll give to the root beer pieces that I can't give to these popsicles is the novel presence of popping candies. The cookie chunks fizz like real soda. I kinda wish they'd put Pop Rocks or whatever we're calling them in these fun frozen treats. Sonia disagrees. She hates fun.

Just kidding. She's a girl and girls just wanna have fun, after all. I guess we just differ on what constitutes fun occasionally. For example, I love roller coasters. I think they're a blast and a half. Sonia? Not so much. She'll get on a kiddie coaster once in a while but she's terrified of the big rides. Okay, now I'm getting off track.

Back to the popsicles. I mean, these aren't just popsicles. They're also ice cream bars. They're the best of both worlds. Vanilla ice cream on a stick surrounded by frozen root beer. That's a fun idea. That idea's so summery, it should be illegal to keep these in your freezer and consume them in any season but summer. That's why TJ's takes them away come fall time. The root beer pieces go away around then, too, but they don't seem as summery to me.

Usually I'm cursing at Trader Joe for making half his inventory seasonal, but with these, it makes sense. There's a nice balance of sweet, earthy root beer and creamy vanilla bliss. The first bite kinda tastes more like root beer but once you get further down the bar, it seems like there's a plethora of vanilla ice cream.

$3.79 for six bars. Kosher. Found in the frozen section, duh. We'd buy these again next summer for sure—or maybe even on our next TJ run. But there's probably too many other new treats to try to make room in our freezer bags for these. I dunno. We'll see. Eight and a half stars from the beautiful wifey for Trader Joe's Root Beer Float Bars. I'll go with eight out of ten on this one.

Bottom line: 8.25 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Root Beer Float Pieces

There's just something about a root beer float that screams summertime. You've got the earthy bite of the root beer, the sweet vanilla cream, and the fizz of the soda. They all come together for such a great flavor that's cold and refreshing. And why root beer? I mean, cola floats work just fine. I think it's the way the root beer and ice cream interact to create such a fluffy head of foam. Can a solid piece of candy possibly capture the magic of a real root beer float?

Trader Joe's Root Beer Float Pieces will run you $3.79, and I must admit they're fun and unique. They've got a vanilla cream sandwich cookie for a base which is covered in a root beer flavored confectionery coating. Plot twist: there are Pop Rocks to add fizz, just like actual root beer. Okay, it's "popping candy." But we all know who made popping candy famous.

The vanilla cream in the center is cloyingly sweet. And it's topped with cookie which is topped with more sweet candy. It's a bit over the top in terms of sugary sweetness if you ask me. Part of the brilliance of a root beer float is the balance of flavors. There's definitely some root beer taste in these candies, but the cookie part of the equation overshadows it by a good margin.

Sonia and I like Trader Joe's Root Beer Float Bars popsicles significantly better than these dry candies. Their flavor is much closer to that of a traditional root beer float and the refreshment factor is head and shoulders higher than these sticky sweet candy pieces. These root beer bites definitely have their fanbase—plenty of rave reviews out there if you go looking for them. We'll put 'em solidly in "not bad" territory. The beautiful wifey gives Trader Joe's Root Beer Float Pieces seven and a half out of ten stars. I'll throw out seven out of ten.

Bottom line: 7.25 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Red, White & Blue Cookie Bites

Decades ago, my father was a tour guide at Independence Hall in Philadelphia. He often remembered the bicentennial year—just a few years before I was born—in 1976. He recalled it as a year-long celebration that saw a huge rise in tourism in Philly. People seemed more interested in US history and the birth of our nation. There were reenactments, parties, fireworks displays, and festivities of all kinds. A few times he'd remarked to me as a child: "Well, you'll be around for the 250th anniversary of our country." And here I am.

We won't be attending any major Fourth of July events this year, but 7/4/26 has been a date planted in my psyche for a very long time now. As far as festivities go, Sonia and I will keep things simple but fun. I mean, we have napkins and plates with red, white, and blue stars. And thanks to Trader Joe's, we have these super duper patriotic cookie bites.

Those of you who've been reading for a while now understand it takes a really special cookie to get a glowing review on this blog. That's not what's going to happen here, unfortunately, but hey I'm down with the fun red, white, and blue theme and there's at least some uniqueness going on here, so let's get down to brass tacks, shall we?

Trader Joe's Red, White & Blue Cookie Bites are tiny balls of crunchy vanilla cookie surrounded by fruit-flavored candy coatings. The red flavor tastes like cherry and the tub is mostly that red flavor for some reason. I think it represents courage, valor, and sacrifice. Or maybe it just stands for cherry. I like the flavor okay, but there is a bit of that cough syrup vibe.

The blue flavor is blueberry-esque. I like it a tad better than its crimson counterpart. Also justice, vigilance, and perseverance are admirable qualities. Go USA.

The white flavor tastes like lemon to me. It's the best of all and there were like five in the entire gigantic tub. Apparently Trader Joe doesn't believe in purity and innocence. I'm kidding. Or am I?

It's going to be hot this Fourth of July, and the candy coating on these cookie bites is going to melt if you take them to a barbecue or outdoor party or something. So...I wish we had like some Trader Joe's Bomb Pops or some other frozen America-themed treat to review today, but I guess you can always do something indoors...in the air conditioning...and hope these vaguely snackable cookies stay solid long enough to try one of each flavor before you say "meh" and hand the tub to the kids.

Should I even score this one? I mean they're not bad. It's just...they're not great either. Someone commented on our YouTube channel "This guy should not be allowed to review cookies." Maybe that's true. I am terribly jaded when it comes to cookies. We've literally reviewed over a hundred types of Trader Joe's brand cookies. Maybe I should refrain from posting negative cookie reviews because normal folks seem to be fond of every cookie that TJ's puts out. Leave your own personal score for these cookies in the comments. Let's just do it that way.

Five bucks for the ten ounce tub. Kosher. Personally, I wouldn't buy Trader Joe's Red, White & Blue Cookie Bites again. Have a great Fourth of July weekend, everybody. Stay safe out there.

Bottom line: America turns 250 years old this weekend and these are red, white, and blue cookie bites.