Trader Joe's The Spice Market

Lucky me. Three fifths of this review is already written. Here are the relevant links:

Trader Joe's Everything but the Bagel Sesame Seasoning Blend

Trader Joe's Chile Lime Seasoning Blend

Trader Joe's Everything but the Elote Seasoning Blend

Apparently the other two spices from this multi-pack are exclusive to this product. They are Trader Joe's Cocoa Cinnamon Sugar Blend and Trader Joe's Spicy Italian Style Sprinkle. Let's take a look at both.

First up, the cocoa cinnamon sugar dealie. I like it. It makes a killer cinnamon toast with a twist. Just add butter to plain toasted bread and a generous dusting of this stuff. Cinnamon toast with a bit of a chocolate flair. Beautiful. Sprinkle on plain oatmeal for a sweet breakfast treat. The kids wanted Death By Chocolate brand cereal but you've only got the plain stuff? Trader Joe's Cocoa Cinnamon Sugar Blend to the rescue.

Next, the Italian sprinkles. The base is really just salt and pepper. Pretty safe. But it would also be pretty boring if it stopped there. The medley of garlic, paprika, rosemary, and fennel, among others, really takes this stuff to the next level. It can turn any ordinary savory dish into an authentic Italian cuisine experience. I just had some with a cheesy spinach and onion omelette, and it was decidedly tasty. The spices added more than I expected them to.

$9.99 for three very popular Trader Joe's spices and two that you can't buy outside of this pack. The spices are $1.99 each when purchased individually, so you're not really saving money, but you're not losing any either. The presentation is pretty sweet, and this product would make an outstanding gift, particularly for anyone who cooks a lot but doesn't have regular access to a Trader Joe's store. If scoring the two exclusive blends individually, they'd get 7.5 stars and 8 stars, respectively. If you average out all the scores for all five spice blends, they're a solid 8 stars at least. So...that's it for Trader Joe's The Spice Market Set of Curated Unique Blends.

Bottom line: 8 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Strawberry Lemonade Joe-Joe's

 

Somewhat disappointingly, no, it's not a first. 

For a hot minute I thought that the Trader Joe's Strawberry Lemonade Joe-Joe's were the first non-chocolate Joe-Joe's. There's been numerous variations over the years, but they all had chocolate, right? or so I thought before consulting the Google machine. Apparently there's been all-vanilla Joe-Joe's, but let's be honest, how would those be memorable? And a little over five years ago (which seems several lifetimes) there was a matcha variation reviewed right here on this very blog. That sounds....odd. Thanks Nathan for taking on that one.

Huh. Well, okay, let's re-spin this then....how about the first Joe-Joe that I'd be eager to try that doesn't incorporate any chocolate? Unless there's some other type out there from over the years...anyways...

Strawberries and lemonade, a classic pairing. Sweet and tangy, it's a flavor combo that screams summer. Granted, that's usually in a tall icy glass, but here it's the classic sandwich crème cookie form. And not surprisingly, it works well.

Off the bat, the most prevalent flavor by far is the strawberry creme. It's rich and sugary and sweet, just like a good creme for a cookie should be. There could be a little more actual strawberry to it IMHO, but what's there works well. The "lemonade" is all from the cookies. At first bite, it's not all that present and is more overwhelmed by the strawberry, but about midway through first bite is when it begins to really kick in and offer more balance. The end result is a tasty, tangy, sweet little offering of a delicious drink, but in familiar, comfortable cookie form. Deeeelish. 

No real complaints, except I want to eat more than just two of them, to just enjoy a little bit more of that final taste combo. My lovely bride and I plan to hide the box out of sight and reach from our little never-ending wild pack of little munchers who'd surely ravage the entire box if given the chance...that sounds cruel of us to do. We'll enjoy that, or just grab them another pack for the $2.99 next time we go. 

Summer fun in cookie form. Double fours. 

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Strawberry Lemonade Joe-Joe's: 8 out of 10 Golden Spoons. 

Trader Joe's Everything but the Bagel Seasoned Bite Sized Crackers

Sometimes just a little rebranding is needed to get a little spark or buzz. Just ask Dunkin'. Dunkin' who? That's not a question that needs to be asked, but now I'm able to tell my kids that when I was their age, it was called Dunkin' Donuts. Now, just Dunkin'. You barely noticed that change, but I'm betting those DD suits are betting you'll now notice everything else that their "bake places" have, including crappy oversugared coffee drinks and greasy sammies. Oh well. Their profits are looking good as a result. 

More relevantly, here's Trader Joe's Everything but the Bagel Seasoned Bite Sized Crackers. Ahh, good ol' EBTB. It's a growing behemoth of a TJ's-nurtured "pet brand" so to speak - it's everywhere now - the seasoning blend, on chips, interestingly on bagels (everything but the bagel bagels? what?) and even on salmon. And now, finally, crackers. 

Oh wait. I stand corrected. According to my TJ's inside sources (AKA whoever happened to be the cashier on my last trip), these crackers have been around for YEARS and were just rebranded under the EBTB banner. This actually sounded vaguely right - I kinda remember a red box - but never tried them, never picked them up. Didn't help that there's only so many crackers one household should buy on any given trip, and all our usuals were out of stock, which highlighted this gleaming white box of snacktime promise even more prominently. 

Anyways, as far as crackers go, it's a decent cracker. Think of a slightly knock-off Wheat Thin with all the usual garlic and onion and various seeds which somehow is universally accepted as "everything" when quite frankly it excludes a lot more than it includes, and there you have it. There's plenty of flavor by themselves - I'd almost say too much - which we've been snacking on and off on. It is a bit too potent for a cracker, so a little pairing with some cheese is a good move. There's ample munch and crunch, for sure. In our household, at least, the purported adults like them more than the kiddos do - they can down a pallet of Cheddar Rockets in a day, this box has survived for nearly a week now. It's a good snack, for sure, but not addictive. At most, it's a fairly possible rebuy.

My apologies for the crappy pic. It's what happens when you have to snap one before dawn as you rush out the door. Maybe instead of rebranding myself, i just need a better set up And time. Lots more time. Sigh. 

Anyways, give 'em a try if you feel so inclined, and if like us you previously ignored their existence just to be enticed by the new packaging. 

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Everything but the Bagel Seasoned Bite Sized Crackers: 7 out of 10 Golden Spoons. 

Trader Joe's Spring Gummies

The tulips in the backyard really want to come out. But just when we think they're about to go full-bloom, they get pummeled with cold north winds and snow flurries and they just stay tucked away—a few tufts of green leaflets poking out of the partially-thawed ground. One of these days soon they'll present their pretty petals, but for now it's a bit too chilly still.

Nevertheless, it is indeed springtime and Easter's not very far away. Nothing's more vernal than blooming flowers, playful butterflies, and cute chirpy birds. Even the convenient resealable bag boasts gorgeous green grass and beautiful blue skies.

The colors of the candies themselves are pastel pink, green, and yellow. As far as I could tell, however, there was no difference in flavors. They all had the same vaguely sweet, mostly forgettable taste. 

It's just cane sugar and a bunch of supporting ingredients that give the candies their color and texture. Fortunately, there's no pork gelatin. Hooray for kosher gummies. Also, they're gluten free.

So these would be fine for a kid's Easter basket or just a mid-day blood sugar booster. We've seen some disappointing gummy candy from Trader Joe's throughout the years and we've also seen some amazingly delicious offerings. These fall exactly in between the two extremes flavor-wise. But since they're presented so nicely, we'll be kind when we score them.

$2.99 for the bag. I think they were new as of last year, and they're making their second seasonal appearance right now. Three stars from Sonia. Three from me for Trader Joe's Spring Gummies.

Bottom line: 6 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Cinna-Dragons

The age of the dragon is upon us.

So many pop culture dragons these days I could blather on about: Smaug from The Hobbit, Daenerys Targaryen's dragons from Game of Thrones, Toothless from How to Train Your Dragon. I could go on and on.

Why these little candies are shaped like dragons and not like, I dunno...bears or tigers or something...anything else, I really have no idea. They're not even all that hot. The bag even states, "Are they fire-breathing dragon hot? Nah."

That's accurate.

The heat level here is probably just enough to annoy spice-o-phobes and probably a good bit shy of what a spice-o-phile is craving. But if you just want a standard sweet cinnamon candy with a bit of a kick, then these little treats are hard to complain about.

I went through a brief Hot Tamales phase in high school. These are comparable. I liked Fireballs, too, which obviously weren't chewy, but flaunted a very similar sweet-hot cinnamon flavor profile.

I don't recall what ingredients were used in those old-school cinnamon candies, but the Trader Joe's version is pretty much above reproach in that department. There's cane sugar instead of high fructose corn syrup and vegetable juice instead of weird chemical dyes. Nothing super unusual or unpronounceable.

In the end, I just have to be in the mood for cinnamon candy. There's nothing about these that calls me back for piece after piece. Their texture is fine. Their flavor is fine. I don't know what I was expecting. Maybe TJ's should dip them in dark chocolate next time.

Beautiful wifey feels the same. $2.29 per resealable bag. Gluten-free. Kosher. Three stars a piece from Sonia and me for Trader Joe's Cinna-Dragons.

Bottom line: 6 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Chocolate & Peanut Butter Joe-Joe's Sandwich Cookies

 

Keep on...with the force, don't stop, don't stop til you get enough....

Classic Michael Jackson song, with extra advice to Luke Skywalker tossed in? Sure, I can roll with that. 

But yeah, there's many forces in the world, and as plain as that statement is, it's even more obvious that chocolate and peanut butter combined is one of them. Is there really any such thing as "getting enough" of that classic confectionary combo? 

In a word, yes, apparently. Because such is the case with Trader Joe's Chocolate & Peanut Butter Joe-Joe's Sandwich Cookies.

Take one of Joe-Joe's usual Oreofied sandwich cookies. He won't mind, and no, the name of the cookie isn't a "Joe-Joe" - that apostrophe in the title name denotes Joe-Joe's ownership of said cookie. I'm not a lawyer but I'm fairly certain a cookie cannot own itself. Anyways, take some peanut butter creme, sandwich between two chocolate wafers, coated in candified peanut butter, and drizzle chocolate atop. Voila. It's peanut butter inside chocolate inside peanut butter inside chocolate. A confection inception worthy of reflection...but it's not perfection.

It's all...just too much. Maybe I'm just getting old and sugar bombs like these don't hold the same appeal unless I'm in the right mood but, maybe, a line has to be drawn somewhere. What's the issue? Hrrmm. It's not the cookie itself - there's absolutely nothing wrong with a good ol' sandwich cookie, especially if it's got a nice creme-y peanut butter tinge. 

Nah, instead, let's go with the peanut butter candy shell. It tastes okay but still seems off - it's not quite the flavor or the texture but maybe somehow a little of both when shellacked over a cookie. There's a difference between regular peanut butter, peanut butter creme, and candy shell style peanut butter, of which of course the coating is the last of and my least favorite out of that trio. Add on top some chocolate drizzle and man...ate one, and had to take a breather afterwards. Had another a few minutes later and that pretty much sank my battleship for the rest of the day. Too sugary. Too rich. Too heavy. Just...too much. 

Maybe on the right day in the right mood these cookies would hit differently but yesterday, when sampled, was not the day. 

A small sleeve of eight cookies cost about $4, so make of that price point what you will. Not awful. And naturally they're awful for you as well. But on the plus side, there's an ampersand in the product name - those are becoming rarer these days. I don't love 'em, but don't hate 'em either. Nothing about them is screaming repurchase or avoid to me, unless my lovely bride has an opinion on them - I totally snuck them when she wasn't looking as payback for eating the whole donut we were gonna share the other day. Don't worry love, there's still some on top of the microwave and no it wasn't the kids - it was me. 

Meh, Let's just go down the middle. 

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Chocolate & Peanut Butter Joe-Joe's Sandwich Cookies: 5 out of 10 Golden Spoons. 

Trader Joe's Grainless Granola

Years ago, when pretty gung-ho into the paleo diet, on a random Target trip I hit a major score: clearance sale on Renola, a grain-free granola, for like less than $3 a sack. Usually that was like $6 or $7! Needless to say, I cleaned them out, and had nothing but Renola to snack on for about six months. 

Somehow that's not as quite a find a memory as I thought it'd be, and kinda forgot about it 'til Trader Joe's Grainless Granola came around. 

I haven't had Renola in ages (probable coping mechanism from overdose, much like since graduating college in 2003 I've eaten instant ramen noodles maybe 5 times), so a direct comparison is tough to do on my end, but there's much the same vibe.

The main base is comprised of three components: almonds, sunflower seeds and pumpkin seeds. In an act of what I presume to be black magic, all these get transformed into a a state of pretty close to real actual granola. There's got to be something more than just roasting them - the whole feel and experience is lighter and crispier than one would expect, almost as if it were more munchy than crunchy if that sounds right. It's phenomenal, and is imminently snackable right out of the bag and would work on yogurt. Big pieces, little dusties, in between pebbles, didn't matter. All the same bite, and all delicious. 

That's not it, though. Something has to hold all that together and give it a little oomph. And between some combination of coconut, salt and chicory, hold together it does. That also provides the over-arching flavor - it's not quite sweet, not quite salty, and while "savory" seems to be much the wrong word, it still seems right in a way. There's just something to it, a certain I don't know what, that really provides the perfect flavor to a near perfect bite. 

All that being said, I can see myself getting quite tired of the grainless granola quickly. Just a little extra flavor component would be wondrous, or even just a different variety to go back and forth between. 

But then again, at $3.99, it's a heck of a value for what it is. Vegan, gluten free, all that...yup. 

Good stuff, check it out for sure. A few handfuls will hold you over for quite a bit, that's for sure. My lovely bride isn't a big a fan as I am, as the nutritional info kinda seems to be a bit much for such a compact product, if that makes sense. 

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Grainless Granola: 7 out of 10 Golden Spoons. 

Trader Joe's Everything but the Leftovers Seasoning Blend

What does a good holiday dinner taste like to you?

Key word: dinner. 

There's so many great desserts, of course. Plethora of pies, preferably pecan, possibly pumpkin. Apple acceptable, cherry is choice. A cacophony of cookies, munchable mint, chewy chocolate chip, peanut butter is plenty better. Quality cakes as well...I could go on...

But we're here to talk the dinner itself. Tons of turkey, mounds of mashed potatoes, steep states of stuffing, generous grabs of green beans, copious corn...anything else? Oh goodness, gallons of gravy.

Don't you wish everything could taste like that?

It's now possible with Trader Joe's Everything but the Leftovers Seasoning Blend. 

You know that scene in the 1970s version of Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory where Violet Beauregarde marvels at the different elements of taste in the gum? Like how it tastes like roast beef and gravy and all that, just like that? That's almost the same concept here, except of course this isn't gum and I'm fairly certain the TJ's seasoning won't turn you into a giant blueberry that needs to be juiced. I mean, it is mainly salt, so a little ballooning is possible, but I digress. 

My potato of a phone isn't capable of getting a good pic of the ingredients for some reason, so here they are, in order: dehydrated onion, sea salt, yeast extract, salt, ground black pepper, dried yeast, turmeric powder, natural flavor, dried celery seed, citric acid, ground sage, rosemary powder, dried thyme, dried parsley. This kind of blend leans more towards turkey and poultry than beef, but it could still probably work.

Different aspects come out at different points. Sometimes it's more Scarborough Fair-inspired parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme. Other times there's a little more black pepper kick, and sometimes, yeah, it's kinda straight up salty. But overall, the savory impact implores the memories of great holiday foods, so sprinkle some on some eggs, veggies, meat, taters, heck, even popcorn for a little reminiscing treat.  That's the real winning part of the EBTL spice blend: while not tasting precisely like any dish in particular (closest to gravy and stuffing, but not quite), it tastes enough like any of them that you're sure to find a particular taste to latch on to and think of while this is sprinkled on something else.We love it. Likely we're late to show as we usually are here for anything new in Pittsburgh. I mean, Bon Jovi still takes up a third of the local hit charts. Pick it up if you see it, if you haven't already, as the EBTL won't be a bad medicine for everyday use. I won't give it a bad name with double fours. Have a nice day.

Trader Joe's Everything but the Leftovers Seasoning Blend: 8 out of 10. 

Trader Joe's PB&J Snack Duo

Bert & Ernie, Starsky & Hutch, Mac & Cheese, Hobbs & Shaw, Tubbs & Crockett, Batman & Robin, Siegfried & Roy, Butch Cassidy & the Sundance Kid, Mulder & Sculley, Laverne & Shirley, Salt & Pepper, Salt N' Pepa, Thelma & Louise, Lucy & Ethel, Sonny & Cher, Beavis & Butthead, Bono & The Edge, Burger & Fries, Frodo & Sam, Jack Skellington & Sally, Chucky & Bride of Chucky...you get the point. 

And the point is: There are a lot of memorable duos in this world, but Peanut Butter & Jelly are as epic as duos come. And now it's more convenient than ever. There are six packs with eight peanut butter sticks a piece in this $3.99 box. Math isn't my strong suit, but I think that's about 48 scrumptious, wafery peanut butter sticks. And that's not even taking into account the tasty "raspberry fruit dip."

I'd say the jelly-esque fruit dip is a tad more dessert-like than your average pb&j sandwich jelly. It's both sweeter and a little thicker by my estimation, and there are little dark round things all through it. I guess those are raspberry seeds. They add a bit of extra texture and they look kinda cool, although, I think I would have been a tad grossed out by them when I was a kid.

Other than that, these are absolutely optimized for kids' school lunches. They taste good, they're fun, they're filling, they're convenient, and they're made of decent ingredients. If you lack children like Sonia and I do, then you'll just have to eat them yourselves. That shouldn't be a problem for us.

As for the peanut butter sticks: they're crispy and supple. They're not hard or tough at all. They have a tendency to snap in half when you dunk them in the raz dip. It's a little frustrating, but if you dunk a half a stick at a time or know how to brace the stick with your index finger pretty far down the length of it, near the pool of jelly, you'll be dipping like a pb&j duo pro in no time.

Sonia was surprised how much the sticks tasted like peanut butter. I mean, their main ingredient is peanut butter. In light of that, I was surprised how subtle the peanut butter flavor was. They seem to be a bit sweeter and maybe have a slight vanilla essence, too...? At any rate, we both liked them. We're happy with the stick to dip ratio and the overall value and convenience factor.

We'd definitely consider this for a repeat purchase. Four and a half stars from Sonia. Four from me.

Bottom line: 8.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Everything but the Bagel Nut Duo

Pearl Jam has long been a favorite band of mine. Classic grunge and rock - it's hard not to like. Have never seen them live unfortunately, but that'll change...sometime...I hope. I've had my chances and have whiffed on them thus far.

That being said...they got some real crappy stuff they put their name on. No, I'm not just talking "Spin the Black Circle" that somehow won a Grammy, just for having the Pearl Jam name on it when they were one of the hottest things around. Have you heard their new song, "Dance of the Clairvoyants"? What in the heck is that?

It's kinda the same deal with Trader Joe's Everything but the Bagel Nut Duo.

EBTB! So hot right now! It's a seasoning! It's a salmon! It's...probably at least five other TJ's products I can't recall right now. Thanks, beer. And now it's on a pair of nuts.

Could be hot. Could be great. But more likely than not, like those Pearl Jam tunes, it'll skate by on the premise of its name instead of its merits.

It's that aforementioned Everything but the Bagel Seasoning, which is great on everything, including, ironically, bagels,  but on almonds and cashews. That's it. That's all. Must be have been a slow week for the product developers to come up with this.

First, almonds. As far as base nuts, almonds are definitely a step above peanuts, but man, they're still kinda dull. And it's disappointing that by looks our bag is roughly two parts almonds to one part cashews. Need me more quality nuts in this bag!

And for whatever reason, the seasoning blend doesn't translate well onto nuts. It just doesn't. Whatever makes it resonate well on meat and veggies and eggs and, ironically, bagels, just doesn't work here. Yeah, it's there, but not exactly delicious. It's more of a "meh" than an "oooh."

In short, nuts make a great snack. Flavored nut mixes make an even greater snack. But there's so much better out right now - looking at you, Olive & Herb Mix - that makes this mix not too inspiring, with a twinge of feeling like it was kinda mailed in. For $3.99, it's an okay deal but one we are likely to repeat. Feeling charitable, so my lovely bride will hit it with a three each.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Everything but the Bagel Nut Duo: 6 out of 10 Golden Spoons.

Trader Joe's Onion + Chive Cream Cheese Spread

"How about that sour cream spread?" I suggested, fishing for other blog post ideas from my better half.

"Sour cream? It's cream cheese," snapped Sonia. 

I often take it upon myself to correct the wifey when she misspeaks, so it's only fair when she returns the favor. 

And I mean, she's right. It's a tub of cream cheese, like for spreading on bagels. It's not technically sour cream, nor is there any sour cream in it. And it's great for toast, bagels, English muffins, etc. But I've also used it as a chip dip. It's a little too thick for most chips just straight out of the tub, but if you nuke it for a bit, it gets nice and soft. Neither of us have topped a baked potato with it, but I bet it would work for that, too.

If such as thing as sour cream cream cheese ever existed, I'm certain it would taste a lot like this stuff. I don't know if you'd need to keep that redundant "cream" right there in the middle of the product title, but I think it would work either way. "Sour cream and onion" and "sour cream and chives" have long been favorite flavors of mine for chips, dips, biscuits, and loaded baked potato toppers. It makes a great breakfast bread spread as well, in case you were wondering.

There are visible green bits of chives throughout the cream cheese, although the overall texture is nice and smooth. I wouldn't have minded a "chunky style" with even larger and more ubiquitous onion and chive chunks, but then I'm weird like that, and I looove me some onions and chives. There is a scrumptious tangy, oniony flavor, and it's plenty creamy, too.

It's not going to go with most fruit-flavored bagels or jellies. It pairs best with plain or everything style bagels and breads, or maybe even something with a bit of asiago cheese. We can definitively report that it does indeed go well with EBTB seasoning also. 

Sonia's gonna try glazing some fish with it this week, and then covering with panko crumbs. Four stars from her.

Repeat purchase? Perhaps. $1.99 for the tub. Four stars from me too.

Bottom line: 8 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Organic Marbled Halvah

When all this is finally behind us, and if you're then planning to go to Philadelphia for whatever reason, be sure to make a stop at Reading Terminal Market, especially if you've never been. You won't be disappointed.

It's amazing. There's all the Amish vendors selling baked goods, the best pork sandwich you will ever eat, some rather interesting food oddities, and food from across the world, all in a tight, crammed little space. As a bonus, it's only a short and safe walk away from Independence Hall and the Liberty Bell, which are naturally pretty darn historic and a bit awe-inspiring as well.

It's also pretty much the only place I knew where to buy halvah.

What's halvah? I had no idea either until Sandy picked some up there on our last trip around Christmas time. It's delicious, is what it is.

And now, of course, perhaps Columbusing halvah to the masses, is good ol' TJ's with Trader Joe's Organic Marbled Halvah. Find it stashed right next to the cash registers for an interesting litle pick up.

So, halvah...okay. Imagine like almond or sunflower seed butter, all dried up into a kinda crispy mass. Now, instead of those, it's tahini, or sesame seed butter. Yup, the same kinda stuff that gets put into hummus, except I guess that might be more oil? Anyways, yeah.

Halvah in general, and TJ's in particular, has an interesting texture. It's firm yet soft, dry yet not arid, chalky yet not crumbly. You can tear yourself a chunk at ease, yet it falls apart nearly instantly when bitten. It's kinda like magic, and that's how a good halvah tastes.

The TJ's type, in comparison, does seem a bit more firm than the couple bites we have left of the "real deal" from Philly. There's more similarity than not, so I'd say it veers towards authentic in terms of texture, but it's not all the way there. Sandy says it more closely tastes like a halvah candy bar which she's had somewhere - seriously, where that girl gets her treats sometimes, I just don't know.

Naturally, there's a zillion varieties. What Sandy got at Reading Terminal was pistachio halvah - tastes like heaven. In comparison, a cocoa vanilla swirl flavor from TJ's is bit not too exotic-y. But I get it. Playing safe with a familiar flavor might be more enticing for the otherwise ignorant shopper (which I fit the mold of more times than not). It's pretty basic chocolate and vanilla too, even a little plain to be honest. I would have loved another flavor, like more pistachio or honey or other traditional flavors.

It's also kinda odd to me the way the TJ's halvah is packaged. There's ten little individually fun size wrapped pieces inside the bag. Seems kinda wasteful, unless you want to be the neighborhood oddball to hoard these to distribute to all the lil Tiger Kings and Carol Baskinses that'll be trick-or-treating this fall (God willing).

Anyways, the halvah's worth the try for the $3 or so. Like other TJ's selections, it just might help you discover something new to enjoy. It's good enough and approximates the real deal close enough, and dangit, I'm a man of many things, and a halvah snob isn't one of them. I'm just hoping for some more flavor variety. Our kiddos didn't seem to enjoy it much so it may be more of a grown up treat, for what it's worth. Between the two of us purported grown ups we'll hit with a seven.

Trader Joe's Organic Marbled Halvah: 7 out of 10 Golden Spoons.

Trader Joe's Olive & Herbs Mixed Nuts

Well, working from home has been an adventure thus far.

For about the past week, I've been set up on a card table in the basement. It's a bit cool and drafty down there, but it works. I never knew I was raising a herd of elephants though - man, my kids are LOUD stomping around. My colleagues are still kinda catty, and the commute still kinda stinks (I mean, I walk right by the litter box), so not everything is completely different...

One thing that'll never change: need work snacks.

Vending machine or work cafe not an option for now, so instead I gave Trader Joe's Olive & Herbs Mixed Nuts a try.

I always gotta try new and interesting looking nut mixes, especially ones that aren't primarily peanuts. I have nothing really against peanuts, but nothing really for them...I mean, technically, they're not even a nut. There's just so many better nuts out there, especially cashews and pecans, and almonds aren't that bad, either.

Those aforementioned nuts are the basis of this entire snack. If asked for ratios, my bag seemed to be about half almonds at most, then a quarter each of cashews and pecans. That's above and beyond acceptable in my box. Each nut is roasted nicely,, enough to give them a satisfying crunch and bite, while displaying their respective nutty earthy flavors.

But that's not quite all.

Nah, you see, when I read the "Olive & Herbs" part of the title, I presumed without looking further that it meant just the flavoring sprinkled atop. Indeed, there's a lot of herbal medley plastered everywhere, and while I'm not knowledgeable enough to really point out which herb was strongest - there was some variance from bite to bite - I figured olive would be a flavor in the mix, too.

Nope.

Dried Kalamata olives, in the actual mix, along side the nuts.

Wasn't prepared for that.

Maybe I'm over-sheltered but I've never had dried olives before, I don't think. They're...a bit odd. Think dried out raisin, not chewy, more of a just a shell than anything. Olive mummies, maybe. Their oddness stands out more if consumed solo, but with a couple cashews, the bite is pretty seamless. In fact, I wasn't even aware I had some in a handful until I tasted them, because it's unmistakable. So potent. So strong and vibrant. So...dry. How is this even possible? I don't know.

Good thing my brilliant and lovely bride had the foresight to pick up not one but two bags - one for her, and one for me. At $4.99 for a 10 oz sack, it's not an awful deal by any stretch. Over the past two days I've eaten my entire ration, leaving me wondering what I'll find to graze on today. I'll have to go to work on that, I guess. For a unique-to-me snack at a good value, and all those cashews and tasty olives, I gotta go full five. Wouldn't change a thing. Sandy, who has way more self control than I do, shrugged and gave 'em a four based on her few small handfuls.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Olive & Herbs Mixed Nuts: 9 out of 10 Golden Spoons.

Trader Joe's Organic Toasted Coconut Granola Bark

I feel bad. I really do. 

Apparently the past three products I've reviewed, like the antipasto vegetables, have already been discontinued at Trader Joe's. In fact, they were discontinued at the time I posted the reviews. Furthermore, all three of them had already been discontinued at the time we purchased them. They were just part of that leftover batch that hangs out on shelves for a month or two after TJ's gives them the axe. If you ask the friendly employees, they'll kindly check the computer to see which products are going the way of the dodo, but I certainly never think to do that. When I'm shopping Trader Joe's these days, it's usually a rapid deployment-rapid extraction type of operation. 

I mean, I get it. They need to make room for newfangled stuff like this. But it's getting to the point that you'll never know what you can find in the store. Or if they'll discontinue your favorite product while you're not paying attention. Just ask reader Bruce W. about his Black Toad Dark Ale. It's almost like a game shopping at Trader Joe's. You've gotta admit, they keep it interesting.

This new product is like the long-awaited sequel to the pumpkin spice version, released in 2017 and only available seasonally, of course. This one has coconut chips replacing pepitas and pumpkin spice and still contains rolled oats, dark chocolate, and maple syrup. I believe its predecessor came in random shards while this one comes in uniform snackalicious rectangles, which I prefer.

Flavor-wise, you can taste the coconut more than I expected, since it only represents a small percentage of the surface area of the bark bites. If you hate coconut, you ain't gonna like these, by my reckoning. Sonia was pleased that they didn't go crazy with the chocolate coating. It's thin and it's only on one side of the bark. Of course, I would have preferred a milk chocolate coating to push it ever so slightly in a desserty direction. The overall taste is slightly sweet, nutty, filling, and pretty well balanced.

Down sides: crumbs. I hate crumbs. Kinda silly. There are crumbs in life. I guess that's why we have dogs—although Alfred and Sadie aren't particularly diligent when it comes to their vacuum cleaning duties these days. Also, dogs shouldn't have chocolate.

I digress. Sonia liked this bark just slightly more than I did, and we'll continue our streak of thumbs up-ish reviews. Granola + chocolate + coconut. Kinda like a cereal but in a bar form. $3.99, organic, gluten-free, kosher. Sonia gives Trader Joe's Organic Toasted Coconut Granola Bark 4 out of 5 stars. I give it 3.5.

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Peanut Butter Blondies

Peanut butter and jelly surrounds my life.

It's a quick, easy, portable, cheap meal that can be reasonably nutritious. I'll slap one together real quick when running out the door early to work. Chances are, on whatever day you're reading this, that I had one this morning. I have kids who love pb&j, so there's always making them for their school lunches (admittedly we'll usually use sunflower seed butter then). If we're going somewhere (baseball game, amusement park, state park, beach, road trip, etc) chances are we'll make then instead of taking out a second mortgage for concession stand fare or subjecting ourselves to McD's. They're not the worst in a pinch...but still. Rarely a week, or heck even a day, goes by without me making some sort of pb&j type concoction. It's a staple.

That being said...do I really want/need one as a dessert?

That's the "problem" with Trader Joe's Peanut Butter Blondies. Full name: Trader Joe's Peanut Butter Blondies with Strawberry Filling Topped with a Crispy Peanut Butter Confection. Jeez. That rivals a Fiona Apple album title for length.

Back to these psuedo-sammiches. That's what I call them...because that's what these blondies taste like. There's plenty of peanut butter layered on, just the way I like, with a thin layer of strawberry jelly. Kinda surprised it's strawberry, as the first impression was that it's pretty tart. I almost suspected mild raspberry and not strawberry. Still, it works.

Those two elements override the taste and feel of anything else. I suppose the blondie brownie in there could be a fine tasting base...but with all that rich peanut butter and jelly on top, I can't really taste it and my brain defaults to it being cold, dense bread, like bread that got a little too chilled and smushed when wedged in a cooler. That's not a bad taste....but I wanted to taste the blondie, too. I can't.

That "peanut butter confection" on top admittedly adds a real nice touch. It's like some sort of crispy dust and is about the only taste/texture cue that this is not a regular peanut butter jelly sandwich. I like it and hope it can be sold seperately somehow...I'm salivating at thinking of it as an ice cream topping.

Anyways, these aren't terrible treats. Sandy and I like the peanut butter blondies just fine. They are one of those "thaw out" type dessert deals that are sold frozen, and a serving size is two of the little square bites. They're rich enough that just one will really do. Strangely, our kids aren't too fond for whatever reason. Weirdos. Still, I wish they were somehow more "treat-like" and less "sandwich-like" if that makes sense. Eh well. They're definitely not bad as is.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Peanut Butter Blondies: 6.5 out of 10 Golden Spoons.

Trader Joe's Mushroom & Company Multipurpose Umami Seasoning Blend

First and foremost...Happy New Year everyone! Here's to hoping your 2019 will be full of enough golden spoons to make it pantheon worthy.

Second off...umami. It's a word that's always been a little full of mystery for me. It's a word to describe a taste along with salty, sweet, bitter or sour, all of which I feel I have a basic grasp.

But umami? Please. I had my suspicions that Google confirmed: it just means savory. That's all. It's goofy to me, using a word then immediately having to include a much easier to grasp definition. Why can't we just call it "savory" and skip the whole "umami" deal? Granted, it's more fun to say, and makes me feel a little sophisticated, but still. In the food description family, umami is the hoity-toity cousin that tries just a little too hard to stick out.

All this to say if anyone ever asks you what "umami" tastes like, for whatever reason, it wouldn't be a bad idea to pick up Trader Joe's Mushroom & Company Multipurpose Umami Seasoning Blend.

It's, well....savory. Duh. But there's quite a bit going on here too. There's a good salty bite, but also a little spice, a little heat, a little herby earthy type vibe...and comfort. It tastes like comfort. Like a warm broth washing over all the ills of the world. There's just something extra to it. Maybe somehow it's the mushroom powder, as I have no idea what it really does, but man, it's there. It's something to really kinda experience instead of being easily describable.

Except maybe in this regard: it tastes like what makes chicken soup good. Or a good gravy. Or some nicely roasted meat. Or...stuff like that. I can somehow only think of the seasoning through a carnivore lens, though I'm sure it'd work on veggies and potato soup and all that kinda stuff too.

My only complaint is it seems a lot has to be used to make the flavor really noticeable. We made some New Years pork roast that I had to shake a bit much of this on top to really release the umami tsunami. Eh well. No matter. More comfort, one shake at a time.

No real complaints. It'll be a pantry staple as long as TJ's can be bothered to carry it, which will hopefully be all of this year. That'd really make 2019 one to savor.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Mushroom & Company Multipurpose Umami Seasoning Blend: 9 out of 10 Golden Spoons.

Trader Joe's Organic Kosher Hot & Spicy Dill Pickle Chips

Alrighty, confession time: it had been weeks, perhaps even months, since I'd last stepped foot inside a Trader Joe's before I went there a few days ago. Kinda surprising, but kinda how we roll, too. My lovely wife, in all her semi-stay at home mama madness, already goes to TJ's probably three or four days a week and makes a regular route to scout out anything new or exciting. I (and you, the readers) reap the spoils.

Anyways, she and the kiddos left town for a few days to visit my folks, leaving me here by myself and in need of sustenance and supplies. Off to TJ's for me! Off to wander and frolic along the aisles once more, foodstuffs untasted, yearning to be brought home with me in my week of bachelor mayhem....

Nothing. Nothing new, exciting, interesting, or untried. I looked hard, everywhere. Maybe I'm off my game. Or maybe TJ's is in that weird "prepare ye the way of pumpkin spice" mode they seem to do every August and so there's not much new til then.

While I briefly considered picking up a big hunk of some cheese so my Week of Russ could mirror the Summer of George, I settled on a jar of Trader Joe's Organic Kosher Hot & Spicy Dill Pickle Chips. Woohoo. See, dear, I told you I was behaving myself.

I like 'em, quite a bit. There's few simple little simpler pleasures than a good pickle sometimes. Kosher dills that are closer to cucumber than overly pickled ones are the best IMHO, and that's the case here. Fresh, firm, fleshy, with a little crunch - yum. The heat level is pleasantly a little spicier than anticipated - imagine a fairly feisty banana pepper, and that approximates the heat level emanating from pretty much every chip. Of course, they are decidedly more pickle-y and vinegar-y than a pepper, but it's close enough. The heat blends well with the garlic and dill to make a smooth, even, pleasant taste.

Anything that you'd like pickle chips on, these would work. Burgers, sandwiches, straight from the jar like I did for dinner last night...hey, don't judge, not my fault there was leftover pizza at work and I needed something to go with my Mountain Dew...bachelorhood for the win. And for only a couple bucks for the jar, it's a quality pickle chip too. Good times. I have nothing overtly critical to say about them one way or another - I'm not in love with them, per se, but I certainly recognize their goodness and tastiness. Just me, so I'm doubling my score.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Organic Kosher Hot & Spicy Dill Pickle Chips: 8 out of 10 Golden Spoons.

Trader Joe's Cold Brew Latte Dessert Bars

Nothing but frozen coffee on a stick. No more, no less. Great if you love coffee—not so much if you're craving something a little more indulgent.

Sure, there's sugar and cream. It's not like they used plain black coffee. But if you were expecting something along the lines of a Fudgsicle with a coffee twist, you're in for some disappointment here.

Just like real coffee is mostly water, so too is this popsicle. And it tastes that way. 

I'm no coffee connoisseur, but if I had to wager what type of coffee is employed here, I'd say it's a lighter roast. It's not even a particularly bold or rich flavor. 

The refreshment factor is potentially pretty high, but again, the indulgence factor is surprisingly low. 40 calories per bar says it all.

Kosher, convenient, and inexpensive ($1.99 for five), this product is great for coffee-lovers who want to get their daily caffeine in a cool new way—and possibly to beat the heat at the same time. 

There's nothing chalky, mocha-y, or nutty here, like another recently-reviewed latte product. If I had to wager which item would be more popular with the coffee-craving crowd, my money would be on these java-sicles.

Predictably, Sonia, who loves coffee, enjoyed these bars more than I did. She does wish they were a little sweeter and perhaps a tad creamier, but she can appreciate them for exactly what they are: simple coffee-flavored refreshment. Three and a half stars from her. 

I'm not a coffee guy at all, but I have to have respect for this product just for its simplicity, refreshment-factor, and potential appeal to true coffee folks. Three stars from me.

Bottom line: 6.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's California Style Sprouted Wheat Bread

Happy Pesach!

Yes, yes...there is a certain irony to starting a review about bread, presumably leavened, with Passover greetings. I mean no disrespect. Originally, I had in mind to review chocolate coconut macaroons until at the last minute I realized I had already reviewed them two years ago. Those are Kosher for Passover, and having been more exposed to Jewish tradition and cuisine over the past two years through my daughters' preschool, I have a little more respect for them...not like they could beat homemade from Bubbi or Zaida but they're better than I gave them credit for previously.

That and Nathan snagged the other review item I had in mind this week already, so by default, here's Trader Joe's California Style Sprouted Wheat Bread.

At least I can make a tenuous tie to JudeoChristian sensibilities with this loaf of bread by saying it's similar to Food for Life's Ezekiel 4:9 bread. At least, that's like, the common healthy bread standard, right? Except for the fact it tastes like a cross between bird suet and 40 grit sandpaper, but man oh man, is it healthy.

TJ's take is better. Much better, in my opinion. It's softer, for one, with a still grainy texture not unlike most multigrain breads. Which is pretty awesome, for everything that got stuck in there: wheat, barley, millet, oats, soybeans, lentils, corn. I mean, that sounds like a mouthful, and it is, but it's really a pleasant texture, especially when toasted with a little butter melted on it. If you're used to just plain old white bread, it might be a rough adjustment, but if that's your thing, you'd never pick this up anyways. There's a slight fibery chewiness, with a little crispiness mixed in from presumably the millet bits. It's like it actually has to be chewed a bit, which is fantastic to me. I'm a white bread convert from my youth.

As for taste, I have no real complaints either. It's wheaty and grainy with a lot of nutty and earthy in there too. Between that and the aforementioned mouthfeel, there's nothing for me to really bristle at.

Couple extra benefits: It's filling. Quite filling. A piece or two of the sprouted wheat bread toasted and buttered, with a couple eggs with kale, and man, I'm stuffed til lunch. And, well, my digestive system seems happier too. I'll leave it at that.

Sandy has no real complaints either, and in fact I'm pretty sure this will become a regular staple in our house, especially at it's fairly reasonable price point of maybe $4. That Ezekiel bread? More pricey. We're both huge fans, with no real suggestions for improvement, and hope this is one deal you won't pass over.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's California Style Sprouted White Bread: 8.5 out of 10 Golden Spoons.

Trader Joe's Apple Raspberry and Apple Apricot Dried Fruit Bars

Just in case Trader Joe is neglecting to push his latest offerings on me in the checkout area like Heisenberg peddling a fresh batch of Blue Ice, every once in a while, I like to glance at that little out-of-the-way section where most Trader Joe's stores like to stash their inexpensive fruit bars, fruit leather, and fruit snacky type things, often in a rustic wooden rack or small woven baskets. That's where I discovered these Apple Raspberry and Apple Apricot Dried Fruit Bars.

We've seen quite a few incarnations of these fruit strips throughout the years, including: Fiberful Handmade Dried Fruit Bars, Organic 100% Natural Fruit Wraps, and several different Apple + Fruit bars. Here's our take on this newest gluten-free, kosher version, straight outta New Zealand (you'd think they'd offer Apple Kiwi flavor, no?)

Bottom line: 7 out of 10.