I freaking love garlic. I've sung its praises on this blog numerous times in the past. I mean, I'm not a huge fan of what it does to one's breath, although if you and your partner both have it at the same meal, it's never quite as offensive as when only one of you has partaken of the potent plant's pungency.
It's delicious raw or cooked, in sauces, salsas, dips, chips—you name it, it works. I know they even have garlic ice cream. I think I'll pass on that, though.
You'd think I'd have heard of black garlic a long time ago, but its existence has only recently come to my attention. The easiest way to describe the flavor is with the following analogy:
black garlic : plain garlic :: caramelized onions : raw onions
Black garlic is to plain raw garlic as caramelized onions are to raw onions. Yes. It says right on the shaker it has a "caramelized-like flavor." It might sound a little awkward to put it like that, but it's not wrong. Trader Joe's Black Garlic is actually a little sweet. It's a rich, dark, earthy sweetness, but it's definitely kinda sweet.
Texture-wise, it's like large grains of salt. It makes food just a little crunchy and gritty, but in a good way. I added it to a bagel with plain cream cheese, and black garlic made every aspect of it better. I even tried it on hamburgers, and it worked better than I'd expected. I imagine you could use it on just about anything salty or savory.
$2.99 for about one net ounce of the condiment. Kosher. I'd buy it again. It has rice hull as an "anticaking agent" in the ingredients, but you still might find the grains are stuck together. Just break them apart with a fork before shaking.
Four and a half stars a piece from Sonia and me on Trader Joe's Ground Fermented Black Garlic.
Bottom line: 9 out of 10.
How cute. Cheesecake slices for dolls. I mean, I'm a dude, so you know...cheesecake slices for action figures. When we were kids, we'd take our G.I. Joe toys and set them up with my friends' sisters' Barbie dolls. They'd fraternize, eat tiny cheesecakes together, and then they'd get a little amorous, you know? Things might have gotten a little frisky between the Joes and the Barbies. But then Sergeant Slaughter would realize his pants were fused onto his legs, so things never really got out of hand.
Anyhow, tiny cheesecake slices. They're "truffles" that are "cheesecake-inspired." I've always been a big fan of cheesecake. Truffles? They're kinda hit or miss. I don't generally gravitate towards them. But cheesecake-inspired truffles are worth a whirl, I figure.
And yes, the morsels in Trader Joe's Cheesecake-Inspired Truffles Collection are awesome. They do indeed taste like cheesecake. Texture-wise, they're close to real cheesecake. It's like cheesecake but not as dense. They feel like whipped cream cheese on the inside. The outside is like your typical candy shell or thin layer of chocolate.
I LOVED the two fruit flavors: lemon and raspberry. Sonia agrees about raspberry but not lemon. I have no idea why. I almost felt personally insulted when she mentioned she wasn't as big a fan of the lemon flavor. They're both super tart and super sweet. I guess there's more tartness in the lemon flavor—a bit too much for Sonia, apparently.
She loved both of the non-fruit flavors. I liked them okay, especially the vanilla one. The caramel one was my least favorite, and even it's nothing to complain about. I think the salted caramel flavor just overshadowed the cheesecakiness to some degree.
If they made a box with four different fruit cheesecake flavors, it would be a shoo-in for this blog's Pantheon. They should keep lemon and raspberry. I'd also add orange cream, cherry, strawberry, and/or blueberry.
$4.99 for eight miniature cheesecakelets. Would buy again. Perfect as a gift or to substitute any occasion you might buy one of those boxes of chocolates with mystery truffles. Eat your heart out, Forrest Gump. I give Trader Joe's Cheesecake-Inspired Truffles Collection four stars. Sonia does too.
Bottom line: 8 out of 10.
A long time ago, I had a colony of Sea-Monkeys that lived for at least 5 years, spanning from my tweens until well into my high school years. It got to the point where they could survive on the algae naturally growing in their little aquarium. Generation after generation spawned and lived out their uneventful lives right there on our kitchen counter. Once a month or so, my dad or I would check on them. "Yep, they're still alive," we'd announce, despite their water getting murkier and murkier with each passing season.
Sonia was recently lamenting the fact that she had been deprived of Sea-Monkeys as a child, so we got some of the novelty pets off Amazon and hatched them about a month ago. We had to laugh at the ridiculous art work on the packaging that anthropomorphizes the brine shrimp and depicts them as a typical human family but with tails and weird spikes on their heads.
In a similar fashion, my overactive imagination can't help but picture probiotics as little people-like creatures swimming around in my guts every time I partake of yogurts, dietary supplements, or in this case, a beverage with "live cultures" or "probiotic" microorganisms.
I figure they have parties and play games with each other down in my belly. It's a bit disturbing when I think about it too much, but everything I've read insists that they're good for me. So...bottoms up!
Trader Joe's Tangerine Probiotic Sparkling Beverage not only provides a hundred billion little Sea-Monkey-esque people to swim around inside your tummy and promote gut health, but it doesn't taste half bad, either. It's a very refreshing, light, fruity flavor. It's sweet, but not too sweet; tart, but not too tart.
The carbonation level is perfect. It's actually surprisingly bubbly. I feel like it's a tad more fizzy than most of Trader Joe's sparkling juice beverages. Maybe it's just the probiotic critters splashing around having a good time. I dunno.
$1.99 for the 12 oz can. I would absolutely buy this again for the refreshing taste and carbonation alone, and any health benefits that might come with it are just a bonus in my book. There's a ginger version, too. I'm going to have to try it now. Four stars from Sonia. Four and a half stars from me on Trader Joe's Tangerine Probiotic Sparkling Beverage.
Bottom line: 8.5 out of 10.
Give us this day our daily bread.
Notice it doesn't say "give us this day our daily fish" or anything like that. And you know the Bible's all about fish, fishing, and fisherman analogies. But not here. It says "give us our daily bread."
But you know what? I think if I had absolutely nothing but bread to eat on an average day, I'd be perfectly okay with it—particularly if the bread was as tasty as Trader Joe's Butter Croissants. I'm sure that's not the type of bread he had in mind when Jesus taught us how to pray, but hey, we can always ask for something special even if we don't get it all the time.
I'd ask for bagels one day, brioche toast the next, then buttermilk biscuits, ciabatta bread, pita, naan, and finally croissants: a different gourmet baked good for every day of the week.
And while Trader Joe's Butter Croissants might not beat out something freshly made from a Parisian bakery, they'd be pretty high up on my list for what to order on croissant day. We had ours with butter and strawberry jelly, as seen in the pic above. Delicious.
We also made croissant sandwiches with egg, cheese, and Trader Joe's Bomba Sauce. Ahhh-mazing. The croissants are indeed buttery to the core. They're flaky, soft, and surprisingly fresh (if consumed before the "best by" date.)
You probably won't have much trouble eating three of them in short order, although Sonia wishes they did have a resealable package just in case you can't eat all of them right away. Our family is just the two of us, but a larger household shouldn't have any problems in that department.
$3.49 for three large croissants. We would buy these again. Four stars a piece from Sonia and me for Trader Joe's Butter Croissants.
Bottom line: 8 out of 10.
Trader Joe's is really running with this ube thing. Weird, right? Purple yams. Apparently they've been popular in Filipino food since time immemorial. TJ's has done ice cream, pancakes, tea cookies, pretzels, and spread so far. Why not make ube-flavored sandwich cookies?
Well, I can think of one reason: nobody is asking for them.
Ahem, but nevertheless, Trader Joe's will go ahead and give it the old college try and roll out a surprisingly tasty cookie, even if perhaps a bit odd. Let's open our little rectangular box and get reviewing.
What's working in Trader Joe's Ube Joe-Joe's:
1) they used vanilla cookies. Chocolate or coffee or ube or anything else simply wouldn't have worked. Vanilla is neutral enough to let the yammy flavors through.
2) The coating. The "yogurt candy" on the outside of the cookies creates an air-tight-ish seal and prevents the cookie parts from getting stale so quickly. It's also sweet, creamy, and yamtastic.
3) The filling. More violet root vegetable action here. Again, sweet. Again, creamy. Again, yammy as heck.
What's not working: I DON'T WANT ANY MORE SANDWICH COOKIES FROM YOU, TRADER JOE. Stop making sandwich cookies. Stop making cookies, period. Stop making new flavors of Joe-Joe's. Just stop it. Stop trying to make me fat with your organic junk food. Heck, is this even organic??
I'm warning you. One of these days, I'm going to give your cookies a bad review. Just you wait.
$3.49 for the sleeve of eight cookies. Perfectly delicious cookies that I would NOT buy again because I don't need any more dang cookies. Seriously. And even if I wanted to buy them again, they'll be discontinued in favor of Trader Joe's Pawpaw Durian Jabuticaba Joe-Joe's or some other such nonsense. Bloody heaven.
Four stars from Sonia. Three and a half from me for Trader Joe's Ube Joe-Joe's Vanilla Flavored Sandwich Cookies with Ube Creme in an Ube and Yogurt Candy Coating.
Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.
Our modern western society has had it so easy for so long, I feel like we need to be aware of our roots a little more. It's just so easy to eat something like a McNugget and not even pause to reflect that what you're consuming came from a living creature. Folks like Sonia's grandparents eat chicken just like we do, but she's actually seen them grab the feathery animal from the coop, place it on its side, and chop its head clean off its body with a hatchet. I don't think I'd eat chicken as often if I had to do that each time I had a hankerin'.
Likewise, can you imagine if we humans were farmed and consumed by an advanced alien race? Wouldn't it be the worst if you gave your life so Kodos and Kang could have a gourmet meal and they decided that your meat was too stringy or chewy, and they cast your corpse aside in favor of some other human with a more savory texture?
Your spirit would be floating there in the ether, looking down at the ungrateful extraterrestrials. "Hey, I died for this meal! The least you could do is show a bit of gratitude!"
In that same way, it seems such a shame when I'm eating an animal and I have to complain about the taste or texture. Trader Joe's Grilled Chili Lime Chicken Strips certainly weren't awful, but neither the taste nor the texture were on point like we were hoping they would be.
The preferred heating method for this product is the microwave. The microwave always yields chewy chicken, and this product was no exception. We tried heating some in the skillet, but it was chewy that way, too. It wasn't stringy or rubbery or gristly per se—it was just a little stiffer than we were hoping it would be.
Flavor-wise, I mean, there was some heat, which was nice. But it wasn't a flavorful heat. It almost felt like we were eating a chicken molé dish, but the peanut butter and/or chocolate was replaced with water. There was nothing rich or particularly savory or piquant or memorable about the meat. It was just plain chicken in a light vinegar sauce with hints of chili and salt. The lime juice wasn't even detectable.
On the plus side, it was low fat, low calorie, and high protein. So...there's that.
$6.99 for four servings of Trader Joe's Grilled Chili Lime Chicken Strips. Probably wouldn't buy again. Three out of five stars a piece from Sonia and me. And thanks to that chicken that died for our sustenance. We appreciate you.
Bottom line: 6 out of 10.
Peanut butter makes everything better. Jam and bread is just fine by itself as a side item on a breakfast spread. Add peanut butter to it, make a sandwich, and you've got a whole meal. A banana and yogurt smoothie is great. Add peanut butter, and you've got a hearty, nutritious shake that can serve as a meal substitute.
It makes delicious salsa even better. It makes caramel popcorn even better. It makes chocolate pretzels better. And yes, it makes Crownies...er, Brookies even better.
It's just a peanut butter cookie smooshed onto a brownie. It's not fresh-baked or homemade or worthy of too many accolades, but it's a pretty tasty treat if you ask me. Peanut butter and chocolate always work together. Cookies and brownies together aren't bad.
Both the cookie element and brownie element are pleasantly soft and chewy. There's a fairly decent balance of flavors, too. There are actual pieces of peanut in the cookie part and chocolate chips in the brownie. Sonia and I both prefer Trader Joe's Peanut Butter Brookie to the original, but then, we both like peanut butter quite a bit.
$4.49 for 8 kosher cookie-brownie squares. It's a half ounce less in weight than its predecessor. Not sure if that's shrinkflation or if peanut butter cookies are a little lighter than chocolate chip cookies.
Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.
Like many fine foods and beverages, gin is an acquired taste. The first time I tried it, I winced and said, "It tastes like drinking a forest." Then eventually I tried Tanqueray with tonic water and decided it wasn't that bad. Now I'm at a point where I can very much appreciate good gin and would generally choose it over whisky, vodka, or tequila hands down.
Sonia's more of a bourbon girl. She hasn't cultivated any love for gin as of the time of this writing, so I'll be scoring this one solo. In short, this Japanese gin is probably the best I've ever tried. It tastes the way I wanted Hendrick's to taste: exotic. It's complex and floral, peppery and smooth at the same time.
There are six botanical ingredients unique to Japan used in the crafting of House of Suntory Roku Gin: sakura flower, sansho pepper, yuzu peel, sakura leaf, sencha tea, and gyokuro tea. I'm only vaguely familiar with two of those ingredients: I've tried Japanese candy featuring the citrus fruit yuzu and its peel before. And I've tried sencha tea, a type of loose leaf green tea similar to matcha. When all six ingredients combine, they yield the most unique flavor of gin I've ever had the pleasure of sampling.
The bottle was $24.99 at Trader Joe's, but you'll find this gin at other mainstream grocery stores like Hy-Vee, as well. It's not Trader Joe's brand, but I think House of Suntory Roku Gin belongs in this blog's Pantheon.
Bottom line: 9.5 out of 10.
Blueberries and lemons are two of my favorite fruits. They're maybe my two most favoritest fruits of all time. That's right: most favoritest.
But you don't see them together all the time, do you? I don't know if the combo would work in every context, but it worked well in Trader Joe's Blueberry & Lemon Hand Pies. The sweetness of the blueberries and the tartness of the lemon went quite well with that buttery, bready crust. The blueberry flavor hit right up front while the sour lemon crept up on us slowly after a number of bites.
For the most part, the crust was flavorful and supple. It was a little soggier than I was expecting, particularly in the middle. It was firmer and flakier towards the edges of the pastry—similar to the Apple and Pumpkin Hand Pies. It was almost as if the middle soaked up a bunch of that plentiful filling, which oozed out the sides as I dug into the dessert with my fork.
I wouldn't have minded more whole blueberries in the filing. It was pretty smooth, which is fine, but I was expecting big plump berries that added some texture and burst with flavor when you bit them. All things considered, it was a very tasty baked good, absolutely worth the calorie/fat splurge for a special occasion or cheat day or if you're just not into the whole "fitness thing."
$4.49 for the two pies. It's a little pricy for grocery store fare, but the quality is just about on par with a specialized pastry shop, where you'd probably pay a lot more. Kosher. Would buy again. Shout out to reader April for the rec, who said "they taste like happiness and sunshine." Spot on!
Four stars a piece from Sonia and me on Trader Joe's Blueberry & Lemon Hand Pies.
Bottom line: 8 out of 10.
