Trader Joe's Spider Gummies

Ah, it's almost Halloween. And it's time to eat some spiders. Whenever I think of our eight-legged friends, I think of that age-old fun fact that Debbie Downers are so fond of sharing—the one about how the FDA allows X number of insect and arachnid body parts in your grains, cereals, and spices. Also, there's rodent feces.

Then I also think of that ridiculous urban legend about the average American ingesting 8 spiders per year during sleep. I never believed that one. I mean, if you want to freak out someone gullible, you might as well tell them they eat rats while they're asleep. It's about as believable...and far more startling.

While the FDA fun fact is completely true, fortunately, spiders are generally too smart to wander into a human's gaping oral cavity at night, and that statistic about 8 spiders walking into your mouth per year is patently false.

These gummy spiders, however, aren't intelligent at all. And they'll wander into your mouth one right after another. I mean, granted, they need a little help. They won't do it all by themselves.

The question is: do you really want to shovel them into your mouth en masse? Their texture is fairly firm. Chewy, gummy, but still somewhat stiff. Maybe that's just by virtue of the lower temperatures we've seen around the Omaha area lately. Gummies are so much softer in the heat.

The sugar coating is a little crunchy. It's not over the top, though. It's not like crunching an exoskeleton...you know, in case you were wondering about that. Each spider is too big for a single bite in my opinion. They're each two bites if you ask me.

And the flavors...hmmm? There are no specific flavors listed anywhere on the bag. Even the ingredients list is mysteriously mum about which "natural flavors" are employed here. I've detected two distinct tastes. The lighter (orange and yellow) spiders taste like peach bellini to me. They flaunt a light, sweet peach and champagne essence. Okay, not so much champagne. But peach for sure. But not exactly peach. It's like peach...with a little extra something, so—peach bellini. Overall, it's a nice, sweet, fruity flavor that I enjoy.

The darker spiders (purple and green) are a totally different story. They taste like nasty raspberry or something. It's like raspberry...with a little extra something. What is that extra something? Spider guts? I don't know. I don't like them, though. I like raspberry flavored candy if it works, but in my opinion, this one definitely does not.

I wish there were at least two more flavors. Variety is the spice of life as they say. And assorted gummy candies should always bring at least four distinct fruit flavors to the table.

Not sure if they're still around, but I'd take last year's Halloween Gummies over these guys. These would be better if they were all the orange and yellow flavor. Or if they had four or more flavors. Sonia basically agrees, but she likes the darker spiders more than I do and thinks the green part might be apple flavored. Three and a half stars from her. Just three from yours truly.

Bottom line: 6.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Plantain Crisps

"Crisps."

Ugh. Hate that word.

It's even worse than a word like "moist" - like, yeah, that's not pleasant, but at least it's easily pronounceable. That -sps at the end is tough. I usually end up adding on an extra S or 3 so it ends up kinda almost rhyming with however Smeagol would say "princesses." I don't like it, no sir, not at all.

But Trader Joe's Plantain Crisps? Heck yeah, I can put up with my dislike of the name for a bag of these any old time.

Holy cow. Love 'em, as I do most anything plantainesque. These crisps, however, are definitely not like the average plantain chip, which are still extremely delectable. Instead of being kinda soft and somewhat Styrofoamy, these crisps are incredibly crunchy. There's as much crunch to these as a thick cut kettle potato chip, except in a lighter form. It's almost unbelievable how crunchy they are.

And oily. Very oily. You'll get greasy fingertips for sure. And there's a lot of salt. If you were thinking these plantain chips might be a healthier alternative to regular ol' spud based chippers, well, I got bad news for ya. it's so not the case. The back of the bag mentions something along the lines of these being twice fried - given the crunch, that wouldn't be surprising. But that definitely adds some calries there as well.

Earthy, crunchy, with a hint of sweetness but not overly so, these chips taste a lot like normal potato chips, except better in a way that I can't quite easily quantify. I could easily eat the whole bag myself - I'd feel awful yet accomplished afterwards, for sure. Good thing is, everyone in the family loved 'em, even the kids were clamored for more and more of them despite snacking on them as I cooked dinner. Fortunately it didn't spoil anything for us.

The bag's about $3 I believe, so it's a good deal. Lots of munch and crunch for your money, and I can't think of a single complaint. I can't quite place them in the panteon of all time great TJ's products but I can put 'em on the doorstep.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Plantain Crisps: 8.5 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Trader Joe's Pumpkin Bisque

I've whined enough times about the discontinued tomato bisque. Amy's brand is pretty darn close, so I won't harp on about that in this post. But I will say I'm always on the lookout for a bisque experience on par with that superb—ahem, "soup herb"—tomato version.

This offering comes close in terms of quality and taste, but it's really a whole different animal altogether. It's not like tomato bisque with pumpkin instead of tomato. It is what it is, if you know what I mean. No?

Let me describe it for you. This bisque is smooth. There are no chunks of squash or pumpkin. There are tiny flecks of something—pumpkin puree I assume—but nothing to really add any body or texture. I really don't like perfectly smooth soup unless I have something to dunk into it...or crackers to crumble into it.

The flavor is shockingly sweet—honey sweet. Almost too sweet for my taste. There is a savory aspect to it, and you can definitely taste the squashy pumpkin flavor, but it needs something to balance out its sweetness in my opinion. It's creamy, and there are plenty of secondary herb flavors to keep it interesting: garlic, tahini, and onion to name a few.

Fat content? Oh my. One jar has well over a day's value of fat, saturated fat, and sodium. If this isn't one of your favorite fall items, it might not make your shopping list every time you head to TJ's just because it's on par with an indulgent dessert as far as those stats are concerned. And I should point out that this jar is more like two servings instead of the three they're claiming on the nutrition label.

After trying it by itself, I decided to mix it with some leftover potatoes O'Brien. It worked for me better than the plain bisque did. The taters added some starchiness and firmness to the texture and the flavors blended pretty well, with both elements featuring garlic, onions, and salt. It might seem an odd combo to some, but I'd prefer a potato pumpkin bisque to something totally void of veggie chunks.

Overall, it's good. It's not what I expected. Crazy sweet in my opinion. Sonia liked it a lot more than I did upon first impressions. She was torn between four and a half and four stars, but opted for the latter in the end after she glanced at the nutrition info. It took me quite a while to decide how I feel about it. I was torn between three and three and a half, and I went with the lower of those two since it's just so cloyingly sweet, especially when eaten by itself. But I must admit, it's a unique flavor: sweet pumpkin that's nothing like pumpkin pie or traditional pumpkin spice. I'd say a more fitting name for this product would be "Honey Harvest Bisque." $3.99 for the jar. 

Bottom line: 7 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Angus Beef Chili

There's nothing quite like making homemade chili. I love it all...chopping veggies, browning the meat, tasting and adding spices while it simmers in a crock pot. It's so relaxing and one of my favorite cold day activities.

Unfortunately I don't make very good chili.

Or so I gather. No one else in my family touches mine. I've put forth a great amount of effort into various chili cook-offs over the years and have always come in last, or close to it. I don't know what anyone else's problem is, it's perfectly good...but it leaves a lot for one guy like me to eat.

Fortunately, when the chili bug hits me, I now have Trader Joe's Angus Beef Chili.

Oh, I'll still make my own, no doubt, if for no other reason than spite all you haters. But for a quick, ready to heat, no hours of preparation needed bite, this stuff'll do just fine.

Let's see, what's to like here....pretty much everything. Angus beef is the number one ingredient, so there's plenty of meat here, in small soft pieces. It's not quite ground or shredded...it's just pieces. And it's delicious. Lots of beans, beans, the magical fruit too to really fill it all out. And it's all a pretty smooth, go down easy blend, without any big chunks of anything. Most of the beans seem to have disintegrated into the final product which is alright by me.

The pepper spice indicator on the side says this is about medium heat. Seems accurate to me. It could be spicier, but I didn't need to add anything to enjoy the chili, either. There's plenty of peppery garlicky tomatoey spicy goodness as is, which blends well with any fixins like cheddar or cornbread. Heck, one morning last week when it was just me around I hard-fried a couple eggs and had this over top. Delish.

Plenty filling. Plenty warming. Plenty good. The tub says it's a two serving container....seems low to me. I could have made this into three or more meals. Good stuff. And at a decently reasonable price (either $3.99 or $4.99) it's a good buy for when I don't need a crockpot of literally my own jamming up the fridge for a couple weeks. It's just me here grading this, so I'll go double fours.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Angus Beef Chili: 8 out of 10 Golden Spoons.

Trader Joe's Autumnal Harvest Alfredo Sauce

Ah, there's nothing like the savory flavors of fall...squash, pumpkin, spices. Each year, we enjoy them all season long, from the first chilly autumn evening until well after Thanksgiving. They're delicious by themselves or all mixed together. Throw them all in a white pasta sauce and what do you get?

A disappointing bland paste that'll coat your dinner with sadness.

I'm sorry, but that's just how I feel. Sonia was thoroughly disappointed, too. There's very little in the way of squash flavor here. Simply eating an actual squash is far more flavorful. Absolutely none of the flavors come through the way they should. Parmesan and gruyere cheeses? I mean, parmesan, pumpkin, and squash can all be subtle essences, but, I mean...they're usually not THIS subtle.

This product isn't even that creamy. It's not super thick, it doesn't taste like milk, cream, or cheese. It's just a medium-thin, smooth pasta sauce with minuscule granules of butternut squash throughout. They're too small to be called "pieces." I mean, I know the word "pieces" doesn't really carry a size value innately, but a term like "bits" would seem a little more accurate somehow.

Salt, shallot, parsley, nutmeg, and black pepper should yield something with a little more flavor. We served it with brown rice pasta. We cleared our plates, but it was one of the most unsatisfying pasta dishes we've had in a long time. Not that we'd purchase it again, but if we were ever to try this sauce in the future, it might go with spaghetti squash better than any actual pasta. At least in that case, you'll taste squash.

This product should not be confused with the delightful red autumnal pasta sauce. That one's as surprisingly good as this one is surprisingly not.

On the upside, there's nothing particularly offensive about the taste or texture of this sauce..It's not rancid or gag-worthy. They just need to amplify the flavors a hundred-fold. $4.99 is way too much for this tub, in my humble opinion. Two and a half stars from Sonia. Two from me.

Bottom line: 4.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Organic Thai-Style Carrot & Sweet Potato Soup and Trader Joe's Turkey Apple Cheddar Sandwich

Soup and sandwich. Sandwich and soup. It's a classic lunch combo for a reason: it's nearly perfect. Can't argue with it.

Trader Joe's just so happens to have a new ready-to-grab sammich as well as a delicious looking new soup, which I just so happened to pick up and enjoy for lunch the other day, and since I don't really have enopugh to say about them seperately for a full out review of either, may as well make it a combo on here too.

Objections?

Didn't think so. Here we go...

First up: let's soup it up. Trader Joe's Organic Thai-Style Carrot & Sweet Potato Soup. It's in the refrigerated section, plastic tub, costs about $3.99 for a two serving container. Heat and eat, easy as that. And man, if you need a change up from some ol' can of the usual, here you go. It's legit good. There's a lot of flavor depth here, from sweetness from the coconut milk to a slight touch of heat from the red curry and spices, to a certian earthiness form the potatoes and carrots. Overall, it's smooth and not too thivk, with only small diced crrots in there. It's got kinda the overall texture of a decent tomato soup, but tastes way better. The spice does tend to ramp up but never to the point of unpleasantness, maybe registering a three overall on the mild-o-meter. It's warming and filling without being heavy like regfular potato soup, and could potentially be the rare soup that's worthy of all seasons. Solid, solid soup, and a great addition to the line-up, TJ's.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Organic Thai-Style Carrot & Sweet Potato Soup: 9 out of 10 Golden Spoons

And now it's sandwich time!

Yup, Trader Joe's Turkey Apple Cheddar Sandwich. That's a pretty apt and straightforward description for this sammie. And it works, precisely because it's so simple: couple slabs of smoked turkey, a slice of sharp cheddar, about a third to half an apple's worth of sweet wedges, a little arugula, small dab of dijon mayo, all served on a pretty earthy multigrain roll. Excuse me, it's "rustico"...whatever that means but it sounds good. There's nothing utterly standout about it, but it's just a tasty sandwich that costs $5. I'd gladly pay that for this precise item at like a little cafe somewhere, so it strikes me as a good deal. I wish there were a more definign characteristic for this sandwich to really hang its crust on, but alas. That being said, it'll be a glad rebuy at anytime.


Bottom line: Trader Joe's Turkey Apple Cheddar Sandwich: 7.5 out of 10 Golden Spoons 

Trader Joe's Boo Bark

I just happened to Google the name of this product to refresh my memory on the price of the item, and I came across some people selling it on poshmark for $20. Twenty friggin' dollars! I mean, I knew there was a kind of Trader Joe's black market out there for discontinued and hard-to-find items, but my goodness. That's highway robbery. It's normally $2.99 in the store. I'm guessing it's either done for the season already or it will be very soon. So, unless you're willing to pay an absurd markup to the online scalpers, most of you won't get your hands on this product until fall of 2020, assuming TJ's brings it back.

Also—I love how it's described as "used" by the online re-seller. Lol! I wonder if that means it's half-eaten when you get it.

Anyway...is this product really worth $20? Is it even worth $2.99. I'd say NO to the former question and yes, perhaps, to the latter.

It's mostly milk chocolate. There's also a fair amount of white chocolate in the form of swirls on top of the base, as well as white chocolate eyeballs. It flaunts four or five pieces of candy corn and a bunch of orange "candy gems," AKA generic M&M's. Last but not least, there are Joe-Joe's cookie pieces in the mix.

I was surprised how well all of the elements blended together, to be honest. I feel like somebody somewhere had to put candy corn and chocolate together previously. This can't be the first time it's been done. I was shocked how much I liked it. It doesn't sound good: sweet, waxy triangles with smooth, creamy milk chocolate. But in my humble opinion, they taste pretty darn good together. Sonia's not a fan, but then she hates candy corn.

The cookies, the eyeballs, the M&M's—they all work somehow. Sonia wishes there were more cookies, since they yield a more interesting texture than simple chocolate on chocolate. All of the elements are nothing but sweet, sugary, desserty things—all things kids might get on Halloween. Why not smoosh them all together and make a single slab of chocolatey candy?

For parents that don't let their kids trick or treat, this might be a way to smooth things over with Junior if he just wanted some good candy on All Hallows' Eve—a peace offering, if you will. Sonia thinks this product would be a great favor for fall parties. There's a fun theme going on, and the presentation factor is nice. It's really just a big block of chocolate and Halloween-themed sweets, but if you're not expecting anything more than that, you won't be disappointed. Four stars from me. Sonia was grumpy when she ate her half, so she said "three stars." I know her well, and I'm certain she'd give it a better score had her mood been a little better. So put her down for three and a half, at least.

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Apple Cider Cookies

Can there be anything better than some good ol' apple cider?

Drink it cold. mmm, refreshment. So much more refined than apple juice. All that pressed apple goodness...but cold. Sweet and a little spicy from nutmeg and cloves and whatnot. I could guzzle it by the gallon.

Drink it hot. Oh goodness. Perfect for those times when coffee wouldn't be right but a cup of tea just wouldn't do. Let those flavors expand and deepen and warm ya up on a cold windy fall day.

And it goes practically without saying that hard apple cider or even apple cider-flavored bourbons are pretty darn good for their own reasons as well.

And then there's apple cider cake, apple cider donuts....and things like Teader Joe's Apple Cider Cookies. Apple cider in edible, crunchified, not drinkable form. What a wonderful world in which we live.

Not gonna lie: as a family we LOVE these cookies. My one daughter wants to give them 245 golden spoons if she could, which I'm fairly certain would be a blog record. Practically every one of us fervently begs for them, and I may or may not have eaten half the container yesterday.

There's no mistaking the true apple cider taste of these cookies. They're apple-y sweet, with a small bit of tartness, just like a good regular apple cider. There's a small touch of the usual cider spices to round them out. Pretty awesome, although a bit hard. I would have preferred a crumblier cookie for more of a "melt-in-your-mouth" feel but seeing as that apple puree is an ingredient here, that may not have been possible. They're also a bit on the dry side, but there's a perfect remedy for that...

Yes, they do combine well with milk, but that's not what I had in mind. If you happen to have a little TJ's cinnamon bun spread, or even better, maple butter on hand, put a little dab on and make a little sandwich cookie. You'll thank me. It's like a full taste of fall, completely sans basic pumpkin spice craziness. Awesome.

We love 'em. $3.49 for a good sized tub. Go get 'em. Cidertastic.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Apple Cider Cookies: 8.5 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Trader Joe's Fall Leaf Corn Tortilla Chips

I'll never forget my 9th grade biology leaf project. We had to collect and meticulously preserve dozens and dozens of leaves from different tree species around our area. The process involved begging one's parents and/or older siblings to drive all over Franklin County, PA looking for various types of trees, plucking a number of pristine specimens from the branches, and then painstakingly placing them between construction paper and contact paper. We had to label them, write about them, be able share several facts about them, and we most definitely had to know their scientific binomial nomenclature.

"Mr. Rodgers!" Mrs Grove's voice boomed. "What is the common name for Acer Rubrum???" If I'd have said anything other than the correct answer, I'd have been humiliated in front of my classmates. There'd have been some insult to my intelligence as well as a personal slander of some sort. Tidbits of local gossip were fair game. It was terrifying. Fortunately, I'd studied the night before and remembered that, in fact, Acer Rubrum meant "red maple."

Unfortunately, that's about all I remember from Louise Grove's Advanced Biology class. And knowing the binomial nomenclature for various trees has come in handy exactly zero times in the real world. I mean, I might have impressed a nerdy girl or two in college as we walked around campus at Penn State in the fall, but nothing ever came of those moments, either. I can confidently say that some of these chips are shaped like maple leaves and oak leaves. What that third kind is—that kind of ovally, rounded one with a pointed tip—well, your guess is as good as mine.

In the end, it doesn't matter. The colors and shapes all taste the same. Fortunately, they all taste like good quality stone-ground corn with some salt and oil. They're not too thick, not too thin, and nice and crunchy. 

They're perfect for dipping, or as the back of the bag states, "for awesomely autumnal nachos." We've been having them with the harvest salsa, and the pairing works very well. They'd go well with just about any kind of salsa for that matter, but you know, we're just sticking with the fall theme we've got going on here. The chips are prone to getting stale rather quickly. We stored "in a cool, dry place" as per the bag, but they're noticeably less fresh after having been open just a day or so. Maybe we should've poured the remainder of the bag into tupperware...?

Fun fall-themed snacks. No pumpkin, no apple, no maple flavor. Admittedly, they're a bit gimmicky, but they don't disappoint as far as flavor and quality are concerned. Four stars from Sonia. Three and a half from this guy.

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Savory Corn Pie

Ever buy something, thinking it was one thing, but come to find out, it's something else altogether?

Such is the case here with Trader Joe's Savory Corn Pie.

Yes, yes, I know, I coulda read the package or description a little better. Heck, even the word "pie" is kinda a big hint. But for whatever reason, my mind stopped reading after "Savory Corn" and my eyes focused instead on the picture on the package. So neat...so clean...so wedgy and delicious and, well, savory looking.

It's gotta be corn bread, right?!?!?!? And on one of the first cool nights of fall, after the end of a long week and about to kick up the feet and relax and watch "Hocus Pocus" with the kids, nothing sounded better than a little easy to make corn bread to go with some homemade chili and beer. Sounds perfect.

Except....corn pie is not corn bread. Doh!

I'll give you this: It definitely tastes like corn bread. There's a certain mealiness to it, just like a good cornbread. The pie also features a lot of whole kernel corn, so there's no mistaking it, it tastes like corn. But also a little cheddar up top, and a little light peppery spice, with ample saltiness...yup, if this were cornbread, it'd be a dang good one.

But...it's corn pie.

In addition to all that, there's eggs and other stuff that make this more like maybe a souffle or casserole. It's not quite eggy enough to border on quiche. So it's kinda wet and a bit watery and super dense. The pie is extremely filling.

Really, I can get over the fact that it's pie and not bread - it was my complete lack of simple computational understanding, after all - and say all in all, I enjoyed this, with one big demerit. I baked in the over for the recommended cook time, and when I yanked it out, the top and edges were brown and simmering. Mmmmm. I cut into it...and the middle was still cold. Thawed, yes. Ready to eat? Nah. I think we ended nuking some (kids were clamoring for their movie) but when I reheated some in the oven a few nights later, I made sure it got burny all over. It was much better that way. Perhaps coincidentally, it also tasted and felt much closer to corn bread....I digress.

Good enough pie, good enough buy. For the roughly $3 it cost, it's a good value which will probably be repeated. It's a good autumnal pickup for sure on a cold day. There's no mistaking that.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Savory Corn Pie: 7 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Trader Joe's Maple & Sea Salt Kettle Corn

Seeing this product immediately makes me think of A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving, when they all ate popcorn and jelly beans for their Turkey Day dinner. I mean, I know it's The Great Pumpkin season, but apparently maple isn't even technically a fall food at all—it's more of a late winter, early spring thing. Feels fall-ish enough to me. 

Anything with colorful leaves on the packaging is autumnal as far as I'm concerned. Even the colors on the bag look Novemberish. And I'm thinking the Peanuts gang would all agree this maple kettle corn is a step up from plain old Pop Secret or whatever they were having.

The kernels are remarkably large, yet light and fluffy for a candied popcorn. They're neither too sweet nor too salty.

The maple flavor itself isn't particularly dominant, but it's there. I might have preferred a wee bit more maple up in the mix—after all, people are going to buy this product because they want the taste of maple. It's what makes this popcorn treat unique.

Trader Joe's went for a subtle taste here, not a sticky, hard-shell of candy or caramelesque coating. It truly is kettle corn with a hint of maple flavor, rather than caramel corn or candied popcorn. You can shovel more than a couple handfuls into your mouth without feeling a massive sweetness shock or getting gummy, pasty sugar stuck on your teeth. It's not very filling, either. 

We just happened to be sipping some Earl Grey tea with a bit of cream when we broke open this bag, and they paired surprisingly well as an afternoon snack. That earthy black tea taste helped balance out the moderate sweet mapley taste of the popcorn, and yet didn't drown it out.

It's very much on par with the pumpkin spice and candy corn flavors that TJ's has rolled out in the past few years. Sonia likes it a bit more than its predecessors. Four and a half stars from her. I just wish I could taste a little more mapliciousness. Three and a half from me.

Bottom line: 8 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Cinnamon Bun Spread

It's October when I'm sitting down to write this review, but it feels more like July here in the Pittsburgh area.

Temps in the 90s. Humid. Uncomfortable. Close to gaggingly gross. If thunderstorms are angels going bowling, maybe weather like this is when they leave the dishwasher open. It's gonna be another uncomfortable night in our well-insulated 104 year old brick oven of a house. I thought we were gonna be done with this by now.

Hot. Sticky. Just about the only thing I like matching that description is a warm gooey cinnamon bun pulled out of the oven. If only I could make anything I want taste that way....

Hey! Look! It's Trader Joe's Cinnamon Bun Spread!

I guess spread would be the right word for this concoction. It's not like a jelly, jam or sauce. It's almost more like a paste, but that's doesn't sound nearly as appetizing. It's smooth, with the smallest hints of chalkiness, and absolutely gooey especially if warmed. But yes, spread, as it's very easily spreadable.

And incredibly rich. Really. This is absolutely one of those "a little bit goes a long way" type deals. Honey is hitting leadoff on the ingredient list and from there: cream, butter, sugar, spices, vanilla...oh man. It's a lot packed in. What TJ's must be going for here is to try and have the brown sugar/cinnamon and vanilla sugary icing flavors comingling together in one concentrated take. It can all definitely be tasted too so savor it a bit for sure.

It all kinda works, but still, it's a lot. One of the aspects of a truly great cinnamon bun IMHO is balancing and enjoying the sweet and savory flavors against the bready roll itself. No rolls here unless you supply your own. So instead it's super concentrated cinnamon bun flavor, and it can be a bit much...

Not that it stops my kids from slathering it all over their freezer waffles in the morning for a quick and easy "breakfast treat." Spread it on whatever you'd like. My lovely bride enjoys putting a small spoonful in her coffee, which I can see working if you like flavored coffees. I don't really.

Our own picture of the nutritional label turned out kinda blurry so you can check it here, if you dare.

The small jar costs $3.49, and surely as this weather will pass, soon enough this cinnamon spread shall as well. This stuff is much more enjoyable though!

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Cinnamon Bun Spread: 7.5 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Trader Joe's Pumpkin Pie Spiced Ginger Brew

Ever heard of the Baader-Meinhof Phenomenon? It's that thing that happens when you just hear of something for the very first time, and thereafter, everybody and his brother seems to be talking about said thing. It's on TV commercials, it comes up at workplace water cooler convos, you overhear folks discussing it in the grocery store—it's something you'd never heard of in all your many years of life and suddenly it seems like the whole world is talking about it constantly.

I had that happen with "Moscow Mules" shortly after my esteemed colleague reviewed the original ginger brew for this blog. Somebody mentioned that it would make a great Moscow Mule in the comments. It came up in a conversation with Sonia soon afterwards, and I had to ask her, "What the heck is a Moscow Mule?" She explained it to me, as she'd ordered one or two in the past and had known about them since long, long ago. I thought, "Hmmm. Okay. Odd that my wife knows about this super obscure mixed drink served in a copper mug and I don't."

My very next trip to the state liquor store, I noticed there were pre-mixed cans of ginger beer and vodka, and they were being marketed as Moscow Mules. I couldn't believe it. How strange, I thought. Then it was mentioned in a movie we were watching, the details of which escape me now. A friend brought up Moscow Mules as an off-handed interjection while we chatted on the phone. It just kept coming up. Over and over and over.

Since then, I've sampled a makeshift Moscow Mule or two, although I have yet to try one in an actual, authentic copper mug. We did add vodka and lime juice to the above-mentioned triple ginger brew, and it did indeed make a tasty concoction.

This stuff? We don't have any vodka on hand to test my theory, but I'm thinking Pumpkin Pie Moscow Mules are just a big fat NOPE. And in all honesty, I'm not over the moon with this pumpkin pie ginger brew in the first place. It's not that I dislike it, it's just that the original is better. If it ain't broke, don't try to fix it. I'm generally okay with pumpkin/pumpkin spice/pumpkin pie offerings around this time of year, and I generally enjoy the flavor when it's appropriate. I just like that plain old ginger flavor better in this case.

I won't say the pumpkin pie spices "clash" with the ginger flavor, but they don't really enhance it, either. They're all just kinda there, whereas before, there was a nice pungent wave of ginger. Now it's a mishmash of ginger, allspice, cardamom, nutmeg, clove, and cinnamon. It tastes vaguely of pumpkin pie spice...and vaguely of a traditional ginger beer.

It's not the worst beverage we've had from Trader Joe's, but it's not the best, either. The presentation of the product is still stellar, the pleasant fizzy carbonation is still there, and as usual, only top-quality ingredients are used. It pours mostly clear, with a faint yellow-orange tint. If you're dying for pumpkin spice beverages beyond those lattes you've been grabbing at the local Starbucks, I won't tell you NOT to get this. I'll just tell you I prefer this particular beverage withOUT the pumpkin spice. And I'm not a pumpkin spice hater...yet. As I might have guessed, Sonia liked it slightly more than I did, but she wasn't bouncing off the walls and singing impromptu songs about fall like she does when they really nail the pumpkin spice thing.

Looks like three stars from me and three and a half from the missus.

Bottom line: 6.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Autumn Maple Coffee

Maple and coffee.

Coffee and maple.

It's absolutely a thing. And no, it's not really all that weird of a combo, like, say, chicken and donuts. In our house, my lovely bride Sandy puts maple in her coffee all the time. I do, occasionally, as well if I need a slight change up from plain black brew.

So to get them together, infused, in something like Trader Joe's Autumn Maple Coffee is a must-buy for us. So how good is it?

Listen: If you haven't figured it out yet, we're mapleoholics here. And as two adults with more-than and close-to full time jobs and a van load of young kids, we're definite coffee addicts too.

But...this stuff is only okay at most.

There's a couple issues. First and foremost: It only comes pre-ground. Wha!?!?!? There is an absolute difference in coffee taste for fresh ground vs pre ground, and for French press vs regular drip. At home, we're French press people...but you need coarse ground for that, less any grounds don't get caught by the filter. We don't have that option here.

So we dragged up our Hamilton Beach BrewMaster from our basement stairs (because where else would you store your coffee maker you usually only use when hosting a large mass of people?) and dug out the paper filters and fired it up.

When hot and ready...ugh. The coffee just doesn't taste right when hot and piping fresh. There's this really almost acidic kinda bite, and it's oddly bittersweet. Instead, wait for the coffee to cool for a few moments. That's when the maple flavor develops a bit more and is actually pleasant.

I've heard from some folks how aromatic the coffee is when brewing. It is quite maply when the bag is opened, but when percolating, at least in our case, not so much.

Some of the issues I mentioned might be mitigated somewhat if you're a cream-and-sugar fan for your coffee. I'm not. So take what I said there whichever way you see fit.

Neither Sandy nor I are huge fans. The maple coffee is a decent buy at best, which is kinda disappointing for us. I'm not sure of the price tag but it's probably around $8 or $9 for the cannister. We'll be charitable and say double threes.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Autumn Maple Coffee: 6 out of 10 Golden Spoons 

Trader Joe's Outside-In Stuffed Gnocchi

Finally, it's officially fall. The afternoons are still quite warm here in the midwest, but it was nice and cool yesterday morning, so we were craving something hot and somewhat hearty for lunch. We'd normally do pierogies on that kind of day, but lacking those, we opted for gnocchi. Similar, right? Heated in the skillet with butter and/or oil, potatoes, cheese... I mean, they're not exactly the same, but a pierogi craving could certainly be curbed with gnocchi, no?

I fired up the stove top, took a couple product pics for the blog, and tore open the bag. And then...I followed the heating instructions exactly.

What resulted was nothing resembling pasta or dumplings, but little balls of mashed potatoes with bits of cheese and tomato sauce inside. I mean, "mushy" would be an understatement. The taste was perfectly fine. What's not to like about the taste of potatoes, mozzarella cheese, and something vaguely reminiscent of marinara sauce? Nothing. Delish.

The texture was another story. The gnocchi would often rupture or disintegrate as I stirred them. You can see one specimen in the pic is showing its tomatoey insides there where I accidentally punctured it during the heating process. I took a few bites, somewhat disappointed with the uber-soft squishiness of my gnocchi...but then I discovered a piece that had not been stirred properly. It had sat right in one spot for more than six minutes. It was a deep brown on its underside, nearly burnt. It was perfect! The outer shell was firm, chewy, nearly crispy. 

So...I simply heated the uneaten portion a bit longer. And by "a bit longer," I guess I mean a lot longer. I stopped looking at the clock and just watched the food. Once the gnocchi were all nicely browned, I turned off the burner. After that, these little guys made a great warm lunch on a cool day.

The gnocchi are super-filling and dense. They are indeed like pierogies, but still significantly softer, even when cooked extra long, and their shells are actually potato based, rather than pasta filled with potato. The cheese and sauce are pretty tasty, although there's not quite enough of either. One blurb on the bag states, "The sauce is on the inside!" Farther down in the heating instructions, it says to add your own favorite sauce. Smh. Which is it? Stop sending mixed messages, Mr. Joe.

We ate ours without extra sauce, and we liked them just fine, although Sonia would have preferred a lot more of the tomato-based topping and would have added more if we had it. 

Three and a half stars a piece on this one. $2.99 for a pound. Pretty darn good value if you ask me.

Bottom line: 7 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Maple Ginger Cookie Swirl Ice Cream

If you're ever in the area of Waterbury, VT, you'll likely stop by the Ben & Jerry's Factory for at least a scoop of ice cream. Or...you can be like my family and attack a Vermonster as a gang tackle. But regardless, you're likely gonna stop, simply because it's Ben & Jerry's. It's ice cream. It's iconic. It's kinda just what you do without asking.

This doesn't mean that Ben & Jerry's is the best ice cream in Vermont.

Sure, it's the most famous....but you can also buy it anywhere. For an even better ice cream experience, and to miss the occasional hour long wait for a scoop, drive just a little further down Route 100 towards Stowe to Cold Hollow Cider Mill. Or make a quick jaunt to Morse Sugar House right outside Montpelier. Or stop at any other maple shack or cider mill or any cute little country store where you see the magic words "maple cremee," and extra bonus points if you get maple sugar sprinkled atop. Even my kids liked them more than Ben & Jerry's. Take that, Unilever.

It's not quite the same, but man, Trader Joe's Maple Ginger Cookie Swirl Ice Cream is pretty dang good in its own right.

How to begin? Oh man. Just rip off the lid and take a long, deep whiff. Mmmmm. Maple. *drool*. There's no mistaking the scent. It's like a Yankee Candle, but even better, it's okay to eat it!

And eat it you will. Don't even need a scoop and bowl. Just let your spoon slide into the soft ice cream base and navigate around the small ginger cookie dough nibbles interspersed here and there. Let it glide into your mouth and slowly melt over your tongue and let the maple flavor seep in. It's rich and creamy and unbelievably sweet but in an authentic manner. It's real maple syrup used here, probably Grade B as there's unmistakable deep maple taste and plenty enough sugar from the ice cream base to sweeten the whole deal. Ooooooooo.

My only really small nitpicky oh-goodness-why-am-I-even-mentioning-this comment is the ginger cookie swirl. There's plenty enough of it, don't get me wrong. But...it's not gingery enough. I really wanted a ginger bite to play off the maple sweetness and maybe just remind me a little of my favorite TJ's ice cream that has shuffled off this mortal coil. Surprisingly, it's triple ginger snap cookie dough listed on the ingredients...I see that but I don't taste it. There's still some of the pint to go, so maybe I just haven't mined the proper ginger ore quite yet.

The pint cost $3.99 which is about the going rate for a ice cream of this quality. Good thing they printed the nutritional facts for the whole shebang, otherwise I'd be tempted to just plow my way through. Absolutely delicious. No complaints at all from the Mrs, it's plenty enough maple even for her which says a lot. I'll stand by my ginger comment for now, but believe me, we'll be buying this as long as TJ's lets us.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Maple Ginger Cookie Swirl Ice Cream: 9 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Trader Joe's Spicy Shrimp Appetizer Duo

Ah, nothing says "fall" like spicy shrimp appetizers. In fact, I think we might have a Chinese New Year theme going on here. That was only back in February, over seven months ago...but it feels like yesterday, doesn't it? Anyway, I found these in the back of our tiny freezer, covered in frost, which probably served as camouflage for those many months, which might help explain why they weren't reviewed long ago.

I cleared the frost off of the packaging and thought, what the heck? I remembered we had some frozen appetizers hidden away, but for some strange reason, I was thinking they were chicken. Spicy Chicken Appetizer Duo. Weird, huh? Maybe Trader Joe's should offer a box of those, too.

Shrimp appetizer duo it is. So we tried them. And they're definitely worthy of review. I shrimply couldn't resist. I promise it has nothing to do with the fact that we are in desperate need of a TJ's run and haven't purchased any of the new fall items yet. <readers can't see that my fingers are crossed.> Apologies if this item is discontinued or out of stock. Hopefully they'll have them back for the next Chinese New Year season, a mere four months away.

Both items in the duo are quite tasty and high-quality. Let's start with the kung pao shrimp spring rolls. There's a decent bit of shrimp in them—more than I was expecting. There are also veggies, a light, crispy wrapper, and some spicy kung pao flavors. I wouldn't call either of these overly spicy. I wouldn't have minded a great deal more heat, but the overall effect is pleasantly garlicky, salty, and savory, with just a hint of an Asian spice kick.  

You can actually taste the lemongrass in the wontons. It's not over-the-top, though. The wonton bread is nice and thick, yet it's supple and flaky. The meaty insides of the wontons are soft, and they flaunt a fair amount of real shrimp, like their spring roll counterparts.

Other than the lack of heat, our biggest complaint is the lack of dipping sauce. There's a pic of sweet Thai chili or something on the cover art, and as is typical, the words "serving suggestion" are printed in a tiny font right next to it. We didn't have any sauces on hand, but we enjoyed them enough plain that they'll still get thumbs up from both Sonia and I. Fifteen minutes at 450 degrees. $4.99 for package of 12 appetizers. We're looking at four stars from Sonia and three and a half from me.

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Maple Streusel Bread

Pumpkin spice? Where we're going, we don't need pumpkin spice.

*flips down sunglasses*

Yes, yes, I know...it's that time of year. As sure as the turning of leaves and late summer into early fall, here come all the social media posts about pumpkin spice this and that and everything else conceivable. I see them all over the TJ's fan pages. I don't blame you...but I just can't join you. Not that huge a fan.

Give me maple all day every day instead. And if you can, give it to me as the new Trader Joe's Maple Streusel Bread. 

Oh. Mah. Goodness.

Let's not deceive ourselves here. There's nothing healthy about this. Even I cringed a bit looking at the nutritional stats the first time, and I'm no prude. Nor is maple truly an autumnal flavoring - mapling season runs late winter into early spring.

But still. Everything about this maple bread evokes fall. Warm up a slice and taste for yourself. Warm gooey maple ribbons, brown sugar swirls, maple glaze with buttery streusel around the perimeter, densely decadent dough with a hint of mild maple...oh man. Sensory overload. It's like every slice is a syrup-logged piece of French toast, except of being soggy and limp, it's dry bread. It's amazing.

And so, so rich. The first slice was so amazing I had to go back for more. About halfway thru the second, I questioned my judgement. Literally, this stuff sits like a brick in your gut. For a quick and easy breakfast-y kinda deal, I truly appreciate that to keep me going. Pick it up and you'll feel it - the loaf feels way more chunky than it looks.

I mentioned French toast. This streusel bread would probably also make awesome French toast, but man, it tastes so good as is I didn't try that yet. But I will. Ohhhhh I will.

No complaints from me. None. There's almost even a homemade quality to it that I'd love to try and pass off as my own. Your unscrupulous Aunt Millie just might. Sandy loved it as well, though she noted she wished it had even more maple. She's a mapleholic though on the level of Buddy the Elf.

It's $3.99 a loaf which strikes me as a very fair deal. And like squirrels readying themselves for winter, you better bet we'll be stocking up for a long winter ahead. Y'all stick to your pumpkin spice, we'll be quite happy, thank ya.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Maple Streusel Bread: 9.5 out of 10 Golden Spoons