Trader Joe's Astounding Multi-Flavor Mini Pretzels and Trader Joe's Jingle Jangle Pretzel Twists

Related links:

Trader Joe's Jingle Jangle

Trader Joe's Jingle Jangle Ice Cream

Trader Joe's and the Astounding Multi-Flavor Joe-Joe's

Trader Joe's Iced Gingerbread Squares

Few foods are as overtly Christmassy as gingerbread. Apple pie is jovial and jubilant and all, but it's just as appropriate on the Fourth of July as it is during the holiday season. Pumpkin stuff is fair game around Yuletide, but those goodies are also ubiquitous in October and November. I guess peppermint and egg nog are flavors you can't separate from late December, but as far as actual food items go, gingerbread is about as inextricably woven into the fabric of Noël as anything I can think of...and that's one of the reasons we have to hold it to a high standard.

These iced gingerbread squares aren't exactly a disappointment, but I certainly wouldn't put them at the top of my Trader Joe's holiday wish list. When it comes to appearance and texture, these morsels are about as far removed from homemade as you can get. They look and feel fake, overly processed. The perfectly squared off gingerbread pieces feel almost rubbery to the touch while the icing looks and feels like hard plastic.

The mouthfeel is fine, however. Once you start chewing the product, the gingerbread is nice and soft, the icing may be a little stiff but not hard. Still, there's the sense that these sugary slabs were made by machines rather than human hands.

There's a molasses and brown sugar sweetness to the taste, and the spices are blended fairly well. They're not overdone or harsh in any way. If anything, once you factor in the layer of icing, the squares may teeter on the verge of being too sweet.

The flavor, while pleasant, isn't particularly memorable. Of all the goodies we've sampled this year, this is about the only one that didn't disappear in short order after opening the package. Even the Holiday Vegetable Hash, after discovering a few ways to prepare it that we really enjoyed, is long gone from our fridge. Sonia and I aren't exactly fighting one another for the remaining gingerbread squares.

While it's not a terrible product by any means, this one just isn't among our favorites. About five bucks for six bars. Probably wouldn't buy again. Three out of five stars a piece from Sonia and me for Trader Joe's Iced Gingerbread Squares.

Bottom line: 6 out of 10.

Samuel Smith's Winter Welcome Ale

Trader Joe's Holiday Cheer Unexpected Cheddar Cheese Spread

Not all that long ago, Sonia and I purchased our very first tub of Trader Joe's Unexpected Cheddar Cheese Spread. It became our most recent addition to The Pantheon. In other words, we freaking love it. It came to our attention around that same time that TJ's also offers a hatch chile version and a holiday version of unexpected cheddar.

In true Trader Joe's fashion, they yanked the hatch chile iteration from the shelves before we could get our hands on it. (Please bring it back next year!) But we did manage to acquire some of this Holiday Cheer cheese spread, so here we go!

They've added dried, sweetened cranberries, riesling wine, and cinnamon into the mix. How is that gonna work?? Pretty well, honestly. Surprisingly well. But in the end, as tasty as it is, I feel like one of the strengths of the original flavor is its versatility and I think those additives make this holiday version slightly less so.

Of the three added ingredients, cranberries influence the look, taste, and texture of the product the most. On average, there's a couple shreds of cranberry in every bite. It lends a bit more sweet and tart to the spread. The riesling is also sweet, but it's very subtle. If you pay close attention, you can taste a whisper of sweet white wine. Likewise, the cinnamon flavor is barely there. If it were any more intrusive, it might not have worked, but as is, I say it's fine.

The spread still pairs deliciously with plain water crackers. It would go great alongside dessert wines, fruit, and maybe certain sweet meats. I don't know if I'd use it all willy nilly on cold cut sandwiches like I did the original flavor, though. Sonia added a couple spoonfuls to some spicy veggie chili, and I was certain it wouldn't work at all. But I was wrong. It was unique and quite tasty.

In the end, it's another great product and it definitely tastes very similar to the traditional unexpected cheddar. The cranberries, in particular, make it taste, look, and feel just a bit more Christmassy than its predecessor and I think we'd buy another tub next year. $4.99 for the tub. Four stars from yours truly. Four and a half stars from the beautiful wifey for Trader Joe's Holiday Cheer Unexpected Cheddar Cheese Spread.

Bottom line: 8.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Raisin Walnut Apple Bars

Looks just like some kinda fancy raisin bread broken up into mini-loaves for easy consumption, but I can't tell for sure. Let's see the write-up on the packaging. I'm sure it will tell us what the gimmick is here and how best to heat these little morsels. But...um...nope. No write up.

Traderjoes.com to the rescue. Ah, these are protein bars? I never would have guessed that in a million years. And they contain "high gluten enriched flour." Does that mean they add extra gluten? I guess whatever they remove from the gluten free products has to wind up somewhere, right? What a clever use for repurposed gluten.

Anyway. The bars. How are they? They're like really dense, really doughy raisin bread but with dried apple bits and walnuts, too. Kinda sweet. Kinda soft. Kinda chewy. They're much more filling than just a typical slice of cinnamon toast or other specialty breakfast bread. Not bad, not bad.

But they're so much better toasted. A little butter or cream cheese here goes a long way here since there's already a natural richness to the product. Filling, sweet, nutty, and fruity, I don't even know if these are supposed to be holiday or not, but I think something like this would do well year-round.

About 6 bucks for 8 bars. Sonia likes them a lot. Would buy again. Four stars a piece from the wifey and me for Trader Joe's Raisin Walnut Apple Bars.

Bottom line: 8 out of 10.

Trader Joe's French Apple Tart and Trader Joe's Teeny Tiny Apple Pies

On our last Trader Joe's run, we might have overbought a little, and I don't think there's any way to review all of these goodies before Christmas. So in the interest of consolidating our blog posts, this edition will serve to compare and contrast two popular apple pie products available this holiday season: Trader Joe's French Apple Tart and Trader Joe's Teeny Tiny Apple Pies.

The first and most obvious difference between the two products is the presence of enormous apple slices on the French tart. They're both Granny Smith and Northern Spy varieties. Some of you might recall the legendary Rustic Apple Tarte employed the use of Northern Spies. It's a lightly sweet and juicy species, while Granny Smith is tart and crisp. The teeny tiny pies are filled with a more traditional apple pie filling, with very small minced pieces of fruit—again using Northern Spy apples from Canada.

Flavor-wise, the French pie not only flaunts some sour apple pieces, but it uses apricot bits as well, lending it even more sweet-tart tang. The teeny tiny iteration boasts more of a cinnamon and brown sugar flavor and a much sweeter filling blend.

As far as crust goes, the teeny tiny apple pies have a traditional apple pie crust on the sides and bottom with an apple crumble-style coating on top. The tart is much less reliant on breading with nothing but a modest layer of shortbread underneath the layers of apple and apricot. There was an odd grittiness to the shortbread on the French apple tart that was just a tad off-putting.

Value-wise, we're looking at four servings in each of the products, though Sonia and I both agree you could easily stretch the French apple tart to eight servings. However, at $7.99, it's also pricier. The teeny tiny fellows will run you five bucks for the quartet of mini pies.

In the end, the French apple tart tastes more natural, and it'll serve a greater number of people, at least potentially. The teeny tiny apple pies have a very safe, classic apple pie flavor with cinnamon and brown sugar, they offer three different heating options right on the box (while the French tart includes none). The grainy texture in the French tart's shortbread bothered me a little more than Sonia, but she did notice it. Here are our final scores:

Trader Joe's French Apple Tart            Trader Joe's Teeny Tiny Apple Pies
Nathan: 3.5 stars                                  Nathan: 4 stars
Sonia: 4.5 stars                                    Sonia: 4 stars
Bottom line: 8 out of 10.                    Bottom line: 8 out of 10.

And if you're still on the fence about which purchase to make and you don't want to try one of each, we offer this last bit of guidance: if you're a family of four or less, go with the teeny tiny pies. If you're a family of five or more, go with the French tart.

Trader Joe's Raspberry Croissant Carré

All right, we did our obligatory vegetable-based product yesterday, so it's time to get back to indulgent, fattening holiday treats. I mean, it's practically the weekend. Up next: this raspberry croissant pastry thing. I've never heard of carré before. Apparently, it means "square" in French. Pronounced like "car-ray."

Only conventional oven heating instructions are given on the packaging, but we winged it in the air fryer on low heat (325°F) for about five minutes. It worked. The pastry was still soft, flaky, and buttery on the outside—like a croissant—and the filling was nice and hot, smooth and sweet, like the center of a high-quality jelly doughnut.

The filling is made with real raspberries and lemon juice, so it tastes authentic and fruity. It's mostly sweet, but there's a nice dose of tart flavor in there, too. 

The edges of the pastry favor the bread quite a bit, while the middle is positively bursting with the purple jam. Both elements are delicious and pair beautifully with one another as a fancy and festive French dessert treat.

$5.99 for the six serving loaf. I don't even know if this is an explicitly Christmassy thing. Raspberries are kinda summer fruits, no? I'm sure they could make this with apples, oranges, figs, or plums and it would still be interesting to try.

Anyway, we would definitely buy again next year. Four stars from me. Four and a half stars from the beautiful wifey for Trader Joe's Raspberry Croissant Carré.

Bottom line: 8.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Holiday Vegetable Hash

Trader Joe's is selling the good stuff now. And it's not just any hash, it's a special strain cultivated for this magical holiday season. But try as I may to roll it up and light it up, I just couldn't get this bud to burn. Somebody gotta tell Joe to dry his goods before selling them. Oh well, I guess I'll just have to eat these little hash chunks. They even give you suggestions for using them as edibles right on the package. You can make super stimulating soup or stoner stuffing with this stuff. Far out.

All hash jokes aside, our mixture seemed like it was teetering on the verge of being too dry, honestly. A bit more moisture would have been quite pleasant here. The squash and sweet potato bites were a little too hard and even the celery seemed stiff. We did consume it a couple days before the "best by" date, but it seemed like maybe our batch had seen better days..?

It's not a mix I'd ever want to eat on its own. In addition to the lack of moisture and abundance of firmness, it's a very odd flavor combo to me. When cold, the onions clash with the sweet potato and squash, and the herbs and spices are overrepresented.

As far as seasonings are concerned, we're looking at parsley, sage, rosemary, and...wait. What? Just parsley, sage, rosemary...and no thyme. I bet Simon and Garfunkel are rolling over in their graves right now. Wait. What? Neither of those guys are dead yet? Well, that's good, I guess. Time for a reunion tour then, maybe?

As an additive to other foods, I guess I'm failing to find a soup that suits this unusual mishmash of not-super-Christmassy oddball ingredients. Sonia sautéed it with salt and olive oil, and I must say I like this melange much better when served warm. The oil helps with the dryness, and all the flavors blend into a nice savory snack—much less harsh and bitter than when consumed raw. It works amazingly well as an accompaniment to eggs.

The beautiful wifey has big plans to serve up the remainder of our hash with a Cornish hen, but I don't think we'll get to that before this review gets posted. In light of how good this stuff is when served as a hot dish, I'll have to give it the benefit of the doubt. Sonia agrees.

$4.99 for the 18 oz container. Three and a half stars a piece from the wifey and me for Trader Joe's Holiday Vegetable Hash.

Bottom line: 7 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Gingerbread Ice Cream

I'm definitely an ice cream-all-year-round kinda guy. Most of my life, I've lived in places with four seasons. Ice cream in December might make sense to Southern Californians, but it might not be the norm for folks in the Mid-Atlantic or Upper Midwest. 

Actually, I take that back. In my hometown in central Pennsylvania, there'd be folks in line for ice cream at The Igloo all throughout the winter months. And the Berkey Creamery at Penn State never closed even in the freezing cold. I guess it's just part of the culture when you live in places surrounded by dairy farms.

At any rate, we never shy away from newfangled ice cream from Trader Joe's even if it's cold outside, so let's dig in. The actual ice cream here is gingerbread flavored. There are also nice big pieces of ginger cookies and a molasses-esque "gingerbread swirl." I think a vanilla base would have worked a little better here than the spicy brown base they used. A bit more creamy and sweet would have helped put the ginger spices in check, in the manner of Cookie Butter Ice Cream.

Still, this is a decent ice cream flavor, particularly if you love gingerrific ginger snaps. Every few bites or so, we got a piece of powerful, sinus-clearing raw ginger. I didn't really mind it since it wasn't in every bite. There were enough sweet and desserty elements that the raw ginger bits helped to balance them out, and they blended well with the molasses, cinnamon, and nutmeg flavors.

$3.79 for the pint. In summary, this ice cream is a festive, high quality, specialty dessert. It'll hit the spot for folks that absolutely love ginger. For other folks like Sonia and me, it was fun to try just once, but we'll return to vanilla-based ice creams that balance out the ginger spices a little better in the future. Three and a half stars a piece from the beautiful wifey and me for Trader Joe's Gingerbread Ice Cream.

Bottom line: 7 out of 10.