Trader Joe's Hold the Dairy! Mini Chocolate Frozen Dessert Cones

When they say "mini cones" they're not joking. These are obscenely diminutive desserts in my book. We've seen miniature cones from Trader Joe's before, but I think these are the smallest yet.

And it wouldn't be such a big deal but each cone is individually wrapped, and they're not super easy to get out of the packaging without mangling some of the pretty waves of coconut ice cream on top of the tiny cones. I dunno. Maybe I'm just hopelessly inept at unwrapping teensy little baby frozen desserts. I have fat hands. Perhaps I'd do better using an exacto knife and tweezers.

I'm exaggerating of course. But only a bit. My complaints about this product are primarily the format of the packaging. I'd much rather have, say, four normal-sized Nutty Buddy-style sundae cones than a dozen microscopic ones.

The flavor? It's good. It's chocolatey coconut milk. It's not a far cry from dairy. I mean, you can tell it's not dairy if you pay attention. I feel like they chose chocolate because it's rich and it overshadows the natural coconut milk flavor. I'd almost always prefer vanilla. I think it would allow the natural coconut milk flavor to shine even more. But if you're trying to trick a dairy-lover into eating something totally vegan, these are a decent choice.

The wafer cone and other ingredients are very much on par with a regular dairy-ful ice cream sundae cone, and there's nothing to complain about there. The overall effect is sweet, crunchy, and satisfying...as long as you eat more than one. I wouldn't have minded some nuts of some kind.

$3.99 for 12 very small cones. Not a terrible value. Just too much packaging. Dairy-free. Vegan. Coconut-based. There's actually coconut milk, coconut water, and coconut oil.

I'd probably reach for one of the other "Hold the Cone" options before I'd purchase these again, although I'd love to see these larger and with other flavor options. Three and a half stars a piece on these Hold the Dairy! cones. 

Bottom line: 7 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Ube Pretzels

Earlier this week, I made one of my usual, occasional laments that here in Pittsburgh, we always seems last to get anything new, TJ's-wise. Weeks will go by and my lovely bride, who's always got her fingers on the pulse of new products in the pipeline, will be showing me the latest Instagram hype of whatever's new and hot. And we wait...and wait...and wait...and finally, when we get it, not that whatever it is usually isn't delicious, but it's kinda old news for the vast majority of yinz. 

Well, perhaps Big Joe finally heard all of that and tossed us a bone to gnaw on, with Trader Joe's Ube Pretzels. 

Neither Sandy nor I had heard of them or knew anything about them. It was a complete surprise. Somehow, we got ourselves a bag. I mean, I'm positive we're not like Neil Armstrong or anything, but for once, we kinda felt the rush of being first, or at least pretty darn close enough to it. 

If that isn't true, don't ruin it for us, please!

Anyways, TJ's ube pretzels. In case you didn't know, ube is basically a purplish sweet potato that naturally sweet, a touch savory, and translates well across many dishes, notably desserts and sweets. TJ's has been on a kick with them recent years, most notably with ube ice cream. Almost anything with ube, we like. 

As you can likely see, the basic premise here is very simple: a yogurty ube-flavored candy coating over some typical salty snappy pretzels. That's it. It's simple yet fun at the same time. We couldn't wait to start crushing some, and our kiddos were pretty excited about eating purple pretzels. Win win all around. 

Except...well...don't get me wrong, I like them. The few remaining survicors in the bag can attest to how many I snatched away from them. But there's something just a touch off on them. It seems to me that the candy coating is a touch or two more straight up sugar than actual ube flavored. Like Buddy the Elf ("Does it have sugar in it?...Then yes!"), I love straight up sugar, but it just doesn't work as great with the ube and then trying to work in a salty grainy pretzel. If something is ube, I want more ube. I can save the super sugary stuff for other times. 

Other than that, these pretzels are definitely a fun little snack that's worth the try. A bag runs about $3 and will definitely get a little sugar rush for that midafternoon lull. There's a good general thumbs up all around from us here in the 'burgh, what with us being first and all. Don't ruin that illusion!

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Ube Pretzels: 6.5 out of 10 Golden Spoons
 

Trader Joe's Ranch Seasoning Blend

Did you know that you don't need to shake a shaker? It's true. It's amazing what you can learn while surfing the interwebs. You just hold the shaker in place while upside down and rotate the plastic covering with the holes back and forth. Or hold the plastic covering in place and rotate the shaker itself. The salt or pepper or, in this case ranch powder, just falls right out...much more evenly than if you shake it, I might add. It was one of those "my whole life has been a lie" moments for me. So there you go. That's a free life hack just for reading this blog.

Another life hack: put this stuff on popcorn. Ranch popcorn. You're welcome. Why isn't ranch popcorn a thing? Well, actually, I suppose it is. But why isn't it more popular? I dunno. As I'm writing this paragraph, I'm realizing it says "sprinkle on popcorn" on the front of the label. I guess Trader Joe's beat me to it.

Pro tip: the more buttery your popcorn is, the better this seasoning will stick to it.

To be honest, ranch isn't really my thing. It's definitely not my go-to as far as salad dressing is concerned. I'm not big into hot wings or anything like that. In the upper midwest, they give out ranch with freaking everything. At some bar/grills around here, they give you ranch with French fries. I'm always like, "Um...have you ever heard of ketchup?"

But I digress. Ranch has its place. It's great as a veggie dip with carrots and celery and broccoli, although this powder doesn't really work in that application. I bet you could mix it with some sour cream and create a makeshift ranch dip. The side of the shaker actually has a recipe for "Creamy Buttermilk Ranch Dressing" involving mayo and buttermilk but I bet it would be just as good using only sour cream and this seasoning, a la those Hidden Valley seasoning packets.

It might just be me, but I felt this ranch flavor was particularly potent, almost spicy even. There's plenty of garlic, onion, dill, and pepper taste in addition to the creamy buttermilk. I'm thinking you could use this on baked potatoes, fish, poultry, or other meats. Anybody have any other crazy ideas? Love to hear about them in the comments.

We both liked it and would buy it again. $2.99 for the shaker. Four stars a piece from Sonia and me for Trader Joe's Ranch Seasoning Blend.

Bottom line: 8 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Buffalo Style Seasoned Almonds

 

It probably doesn't need to be said...but life can get pretty nuts sometimes. 

Theoretically I could on and on about the past few weeks, what, with our family's second round of COVID, a major house upgrade that made an emergency home repair needed, a two night hospital stay, a cross-state trip, all on top of kids and 60 hour work weeks and all sorts of stuff like school, dance class and lacrosse...but you're probably exhausted with your own stuff for me to load you down with all of mine. 

Know what helps us get through, and maybe spice it up? A good snack, with a little kick. Something like Trader Joe's Buffalo Style Seasoned Almonds. 

Man, I'd been looking forward to the TJ's buffalo almonds for weeks until they finally appeared on the shelves here in the 'burgh. We always seem to be last to get anything here, but once I could get my grubby hands on the half pound sack for only $3.99, I was all over them like the seasoning powder on these nuts. 

One word: spicy. Reallllll spicy. It's been a hot minute since anything kinda buffalo-ey got to me, but these almost do. The spice powder practically radiates red hot heat that's in and around every single bite. It's intense and strays close to too much. Maybe that's my inner old man emerging as I'm turning the last corner towards 40, but man, these nuts are muy picante. 

But lest you think that the piquant pungency is all that's present, there's more. Even before reading the ingredients, I noted a palpable creaminess in the powder seasoning. No, it's not really either ranch or blue cheese - it's more just a suggestion of milky goodness that puts the smallest of a damper on the flavor. Personally, I like it, as it's vaguely suggestive of dipping a buffalo wing in a little sauce to cool it down. Buuuuuuut, to be picky, I'd prefer a little bleu cheese flavor over plain cream. 

Combine all this with a traditional straight up toasty good almond, and boom. It's a fiery snacktime to keep ya going. 

Good stuff all around, and I'll intend on picking up more for whatever the crazy road up ahead holds. No complaints all around. 

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Buffalo Style Seasoned Almonds: 8.5 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Trader Joe's When Life Gives You Lemons Make Ice Cream

Okay, now THIS is lemon ice cream.

It's not lemon sherbet, sorbet, or shave ice. It's not frozen lemon curd. And it's not an ice cream that just has a hint of lemon essence. It has the sour zip of real lemon all through it, from start to finish and also the rich, creamy sweetness of real ice cream.

As if just to say, "We don't care about your silly opinions, you foodie-hacks," Trader Joe's slapped us in the face with their discontinuation of the legendary Lemon Triple Gingersnap Ice Cream many years ago. There hasn't been anything like it since.

And there still isn't. This isn't a replacement for that early entry into our Pantheon. It's not that this one is worse or better. It's just different. It's like comparing apples and oranges. Or...comparing lemons...to slightly different lemons.

Ahem. What I mean is: that classic discontinued treat was an incredible balance of deliciously subtle lemon and gingerrific snippity snaps. With this product, the lemonosity is off the charts. There's much less in the way of milky sweetness here, and nothing gingery either. And if you love lemon like I do, that's good news.

But in a way, this product is almost too sour. Like it borders on being too tartly lemony. The caches of lemon swirl throughout the ice cream are very similar to lemon curd, but not nearly as sweet. Each bite of it made my mouth pucker—but not in a bad way.

The shortbread pieces don't lend much flavor-wise. Honestly, I wouldn't have minded if they were chock-full of ginger. The sweetness of the shortbread is totally overshadowed and overwhelmed by the lemoniness in the rest of the product, but it does add a bit of soft chewy cookie texture, which breaks up the absolute smoothness of the ice cream and lemon swirl nicely.

This is hands down the most lemony ice cream I've ever had and it's honestly pretty high on the list for most lemony product of all time of any kind in my experience...except for maybe an actual lemon.

If you LOVE lemon flavored things, you've got to check this out. Don't expect the lemon flavor to be balanced out by hints of ginger or vanilla or anything else, though.

This is much more of a summer flavor than an early spring one, in my opinion, but we'll finish the pint easily, even if it's not hot outside. I'd buy again in a couple months. About three and a half bucks. Four and a half stars from me. Four from the beautiful wifey.

Bottom line: 8.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Candy Coated Dark Chocolate Covered Almonds

Sooooo..... what's your favorite Easter candy?

'Cause I'm such a weirdo, mine is easily black jelly beans Love 'em, can't get enough. I'll eat them til my mouth tingles with sugary bitterness and once subsided I'll go back for more. 

Not 100% sure for my lovely bride, but the mini Cadbury Creme Eggs are near the top. No, not the big, gooey filled ones (which just so happen to be second on my list) as those are a bit texturally challenging for her. The mini guys, just candy coated choclate, but somehow softer, sweeter and different than, say, regular ol' M&Ms. In her mind, few things could be better..

...except maybe Trader Joe's Candy Coated Dark Chocolate Covered Almonds. 

I wouldn't be surprised if we track down a case of these new candies. Really, there's no reason for them to be Easter-specific except maybe their cutesy robin egg-esque appearance, but even then...whatever. 

There's nothing all too new or novel here. Take an almond, enrobe it in a layer of the typically good quality TJ's dark choc, then slap on a candy shell and call it a day. That's all there is there ain't no mo'. 

Yet it's just so well done. There's a creaminess to the chocolate that's a bit unusual for the darker, less milky blend, and it's almost intoxicating. Add it in the earthy center of a decent roasty almond, and the fun sgary snap of a candy shell, and it's so easy to pop handful after handful. Maybe the chocolate is all churned by waterfall or has some other Wonka-fied madness to it, but it's just so good. 

Grab them. Petition the stores to make them year round. Buy buy buy. if somehow you don't like them, send us your surplus. I beg not on my own behalf, but instead plead for my wife - Lord knows she puts up with enough from me. The least I can do is try to get her an endless supply of a candy she adores. 

Sandy, in case you haven't figured it out, gives them a perfect unassailable score. I know better than to argue with her....I mean at least I should....but I'll mark them high myself. Get me my black jelly beans, get her bag aftyer bag of these tasty treats, and we'll be in hog heaven. 

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Candy Coated Dark Chocolate Covered Almonds: 9.5 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Trader Joe's Thai Banana Fritters

When Sonia and I lived in Los Angeles, we frequented a place called Vegan Glory. Sonia and I weren't vegan then, nor are we now, but their Thai food was so amazing that we went there regularly with friends, the vast majority of whom were not vegan. It was a small, simple, unassuming restaurant at the end of a strip mall, but it often attracted celebrities and high-profile customers because the cuisine was so consistently fantastic.

Our favorite dessert there was banana spring rolls (although the coconut ice cream was a close second) We had some on our latest visit to L.A. when we RV'd through SoCal in 2019. They were still ridiculously tasty. So of course we've been searching for something that could take the place of those spring rolls since we've been apart from that outstanding restaurant.

Enter: Trader Joe's Thai Banana Fritters. I won't say they're AS GOOD as those banana spring rolls, but they're pretty darn close. And of course, these are "fritters" as opposed to "spring rolls" but they're still a desserty banana-based vegan dish with crispiness on the outside...so very similar.

Six minutes in the air fryer and the smell just overwhelmed the kitchen. I snatched my three fritters out of the basket piping hot and ate them with my bare hands. I don't necessarily recommend consuming them that way, as they are quite oily on the outside. I think Sonia used a fork and ate hers from a plate. Either way, they were tasty.

Banana is the dominant flavor. But there's a nice blend of other essences like coconut milk and sesame. There's a good bit of added sugar, too—enough to appease the average sweet tooth at dessert time, I'd say. At least half of each bite is banana, but there's a significant amount of rice flour breading, as well. Texture-wise, there's a nice crispy crunch on the outside and soft, supple banana on the inside.

$3.79 for six fritters, found in the frozen section. We'd buy again. Four and a half stars from the beautiful wifey. Four stars from me for Trader Joe's Thai Banana Fritters.

Bottom line: 8.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Tteok Bok Ki

 Here's another periodic reminder that I am a complete amatuer foodie-hack, not overly familiar with many great dishes and treats from around the globe, but always willing to try. 

So, Trader Joe's Tteok Bok Ki...can't say I've ever even heard of them before they plopped into my grocery cart. Thank goodness for the 'murican-'splained "Korean spicy stir-fried rice cakes" in the banner, because that, I can hold a concept of. 

These are, at first bite, interesting. There's a few ways to make them, I opted for what purported to be the crispiest option by inserting these oversized frozen rice poogs into the airfryer, while seperately simmering the almost glowing red sauce. I'm not sure if crispy is the right word, because there's still plenty of soft mochi-like chewiness to each bite, but the outside layer  did have a faint crispness, so there you go I guess. It's an unusual to my palate yet pretty fun bite. 

That sauce though...it never really thickened up the way I hoped it would despite following the instructions, far as I know. That being said, I almost didn't mind. It's vibrant and rich with plenty of red pepper and garlic kick. Man, if sold separately, I'd pour it over any number of things. Delicious stuff, and highly recommended as long as you can take some spice. 

Here's one of the times that TJ's really succeeds if looked at from a certain vantage point. Sure, I'm far from a tteok bok ki expert, but I'm gonna go out on a limb and wager that the TJ's version isn't the best in the world. Heck, how authentic it really is (or isn't) is above my pay grade here. But...now I know I'd stand a pretty excellent chance at enjoying the real deal, so if ever granted the opportunity, I'm gonna go for it without hesitation. That somewhat harkens back to the OG TJ's business plan of introducing new tastes and experiences to their customers. For me, it succeeds here. 

A good sized bag, enough for a big side dish or appetizer for two or more, was only around $3 or $4. Absolutely worthwhile in my opinion. If you got a more expert take than I do, fire away. 

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Tteok Bok Ki: 8.5 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Trader Joe's Pain au Lait Chocolate Chip

This product was absolutely screaming our names from the breads section at Trader Joe's. We enjoyed its predecessor so much, we were both excited to see a version with chocolate chips. Chocolate chips make everything better, right?

Well, in this case, maybe not—at least in our humble opinion. Chocoholics may disagree, but this product made Sonia and I realize that we are milk roll purists. At least in my case, I'd never had an honest-to-goodness French milk roll until I tried the plain pain au lait from Trader Joe's. That was some amazingly special bread: the soft texture, the milky flavor just absolutely wowed us. Other than fresh-baked, that might have been the best plain bread I've ever had. And this bread flaunts the same flavor and same texture. Still amazing. Still top-shelf. But the chocolate chips don't really add anything.

At first, there's something novel about it. I mean, it's candy baked right into the bread. What a great idea, right? But after a few bites, we both found ourselves pining for the pure, unadulterated taste and texture of the delicious bread without anything detracting from it.

Get your hands on the original stuff if you can. If not, this product is still pretty freaking tasty. If we'd tried this version first, I'm sure we would've been a bit more impressed. We didn't see the original pain au lait at our TJ's on our last visit, but I hope that doesn't mean it's been discontinued.

$2.99 for the bag. Four stars from Sonia. Three and a half from this guy. We'd buy again, but only in the absence of the plain pain.

I suppose it's pronounced more like "pan" or "pon" than the English word "pain," but to quote the Princess Bride:

Life is pain, Highness.

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Oat Chocolate Bars

There's a lot of power in preconceived notions, right? 

I'm going to use the possibly new Trader Joe's Oat Chocolate Bars as an example. 

See: I grew up not far from Hershey, PA, the self-proclaimed chocolate capital of the world. I've grown to realize their particular brand might not be the absolute best that's out there. Still, their chocolate is fairly ubiquitous, right? It's easily identifiable and serves as an easy standard to which one can easily compare all other chocolates too, , even if only to say how much better whatever the chocolate is compared to Hershey's. There's a reason we often use Hershey's as a comparison in our reviews as our yardstick. 

Welllll....one small bite of these TJ's oat chocolate bars, and I was ready to toss it and find me a Hershey's.

There's something just "off" about them, on first bite, that I didn't like. It tasted...grainy, and more than perceptibly so. Just off, and not "like what a milk chocolate bar should taste like." I stray more towards dark chocolate, but when going the lighter route, I guess I want the fullness and comfortable richness that regular ol' dairy milk helps afford and things like oats can't quite replicate. 

I ate the rest (I mean, it's chocolate, after all) but that initial impression, formed by years of my own experience, didn't change much. 

Then it kinda hit me: "my own experience." What about others? 

My lovely bride originally bought these as a small snack for herself and a friend who's vegan. It's a three pack, so two for them and one for me. Perfect. Anyways, if someone was vegan or dairy free, whether by choice or by need...I guess the TJ's is a pretty decent "milk" chocolate bar. There is a certain smoothness and even a touch of creaminess that the bar replicates reasonably well. Everyone deserves a chance at a good milk chocolate bar, right? 

In the end, this still won't be my chocolate of choice, but that's okay. I'm glad it's out there as an available option for whoever it would appeal for. Choices are good, and what doesn't work for me will probably work for someone else. It's all good. 

Anyways, I'm not a huge fan, but my wife and her friend were, so I'll lean more on their judgment than mine and say it's worth a shot, especially if traditional milk chocolate just isn't for you, for any reason. Double fours? Sure. 

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Oat Chocolate Bars: 8 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Trader Joe's Spring Gummies

The tulips in the backyard really want to come out. But just when we think they're about to go full-bloom, they get pummeled with cold north winds and snow flurries and they just stay tucked away—a few tufts of green leaflets poking out of the partially-thawed ground. One of these days soon they'll present their pretty petals, but for now it's a bit too chilly still.

Nevertheless, it is indeed springtime and Easter's not very far away. Nothing's more vernal than blooming flowers, playful butterflies, and cute chirpy birds. Even the convenient resealable bag boasts gorgeous green grass and beautiful blue skies.

The colors of the candies themselves are pastel pink, green, and yellow. As far as I could tell, however, there was no difference in flavors. They all had the same vaguely sweet, mostly forgettable taste. 

It's just cane sugar and a bunch of supporting ingredients that give the candies their color and texture. Fortunately, there's no pork gelatin. Hooray for kosher gummies. Also, they're gluten free.

So these would be fine for a kid's Easter basket or just a mid-day blood sugar booster. We've seen some disappointing gummy candy from Trader Joe's throughout the years and we've also seen some amazingly delicious offerings. These fall exactly in between the two extremes flavor-wise. But since they're presented so nicely, we'll be kind when we score them.

$2.99 for the bag. I think they were new as of last year, and they're making their second seasonal appearance right now. Three stars from Sonia. Three from me for Trader Joe's Spring Gummies.

Bottom line: 6 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Peanut Butter Chewy Coated & Drizzled Granola Bars

You ever see or hear or taste something "new" and immediately think, hey' I've experienced this before, but can't figure out where, when, or what it was?

That's 100% the case here with the new Trader Joe's Peanut Butter Chewy Coated & Drizzled Granola Bars. 

I swear I've had them before. Naturally, TJ's doesn't make these, or any of their products, so there's a chance I've had the brand name equivalent. 

Or maybe not. Let' be honest - how unique and different and everything can you get with a peanut butter granola bar? There's only so many ways to invent a wheel. 

Everything that can reasonably expected, and everything promised in photos and packaging is present. The bars are of sufficiently good quality with tier rolled oats and rice crisps and whatnot, which makes for a not too soft, not too hard bite with just the right amount of chew. They're neither floppy and flailing nor suitable for small construction projects. There's that peanut butter shellacking on the bottom side (that'd be the coat) with some extra kinda hanging around haphazardly atop (that'd be the drizzle). It's a small, perfect sized snack, plenty portable, filling enough for what it is, and no real complaints...

...but also absolutely nothing descript or unique or anything to set it apart from the crowd in any tangible way I can discern. Granted, I've barely had the brainpower to somewhat manage everything else I have in life recently, much less to categorically and definitively compare and contrast my nearly 40 years' experience of eating peanut butter granola bars to this particular TJ's brand. It's a big catalogue, and not well notated. All that to say, chime in if you got something, cuz I'm drawing a blank here. 

Nothing wrong, will rebuy, kids love them, nothing overly right, but hey, it's a decent snack. Not bad at all for what it is.  

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Peanut Butter Chewy Coated & Drizzled Granola Bars: 6.5 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Trader Joe's Organic Date Syrup

Ah, the Deglet Noor date. So much deglettier than regular dates. They provide so much noorishment, those fancy DNDs. I'm being facetious, of course. I don't know much about dates, but you can click that link in the first line if you want to read a post that demonstrates at least a passing knowledge of a couple date species, as well as a brief review of a previous Trader Joe's date product.

I'm not sure why I was thinking the syrup would be clear and thin, similar to agave, but it's quite dark and somewhat thicker than I assumed. It looks very much like chocolate syrup or balsamic reduction.

The flavor is super sweet, but it's distinctly different than most sweeteners. To me, it's not a completely neutral flavor. It really tastes like dates. So it's fruity in that sense. But it's also a "dark" sweetness, more similar to molasses in a way than plain old sugar or something like Karo. Neither Sonia nor I particularly like molasses, but we both like this. It's like...what we always wished molasses would taste like...if that makes sense.

It worked great as a sweetener in our smoothies. We've been putting a bit of honey in them as of late, but this functions pretty much in the same manner. There is that deep, dark, almost caramel-like flavor to the date syrup, so it enhances the taste of the fruits and juices even more.

I won't say it's a replacement for good old maple syrup. I don't think there's anything you could put on a pancake or waffle that's hands down better than real maple. But if you wanna mix things up a little, this stuff sure isn't bad in that regard. The pic up above is Trader Joe's Organic Date Syrup on a piece of French toast. It was pretty tasty. Not better than maple syrup. Just different. I'm always down for a bit of novelty, but I think I'll return to the old standby for my next stack of flapjacks.

$3.49 for a 6.09 oz squeeze bottle. There's nothing but organic Deglet Noor dates in there. Pretty impressive product. Trader Joe's Organic Date Syrup gets four stars a piece from Sonia and me.

Bottom line: 8 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Sour Cream & Onion Flavored Rings

"You look pretty good...for your age."

"You're so pretty/handsome when you smile."

"I bet you were in great shape when you were younger."

Yeah, some "compliments" aren't exactly that, are they?

Kinda like when my lovely bride stated that the new Trader Joe's Sour Cream & Onion Flavored Rings were, and I quote, "better than Funyuns." I mean, I get the basis, as in comparing the most ubiquitous onion ring bagged snack to the TJ's noob here, but really? That, while not quite a low enough standard to be a tripping hazard in Hades, isn't exactly a difficult hurdle to cross. The thought of Funyuns doesn't leave me (or anyone?) reaching for the stars, much less a bag of Funyuns. Overly salty corn meal fried in vegetable oil? No thanks. 

Back to the TJ's snacker rings. These are legitimately and legume-ly tasty, with a much healthier base of lentils and rice, and baked deliciously to a light, airy crisp. The result is a slightly earthy, crunchy snack with a bite that keeps my chompers chomping for more. It really is pretty fun and somewhat novel. 

Results do vary somewhat as far as seasoning distribution. In the name of science I snagged two bags on my last trip. The first sack wasn't overly sour creamy or oniony - it was more a subtle suggestion than all out flavor blast. it was kinda nice yet somewhat lacking at the same time. Like, let's not get too refined here, k?  The second must have gotten whatever was leftover from the first and then some, because man, right from the first, it's all out sc&o. At time of writing it's been nearly two hours since I had my last bite and I can still taste it. Gonna have to brush before smooching the Mrs. 

Definitely give them a try if sour cream and onion are your kinda thing. I'd love for some more variations, like a jalapeno cheddar or ranch, or even just a plain one. While there's no doubt that the rings are absolutely a snack/junk food, they're pretyt healthy on that curve. And it's great that even a small handful has enough substance to them to fill ya up and help stave off the mindless eating. Mmm lentils. Just a couple bucks a bag and worth it. 

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Sour Cream & Onion Flavored Rings: 9 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Trader Joe's Rosemary Croissant Croutons

I don't think I've ever set out on a Trader Joe's run thinking, "Dang, I wish TJ's would start carrying super duper ultra gourmet croutons!" But if I had thought that, welp by golly, this product would have been an absolute godsend...because I've never seen or tasted such top-shelf croutons before.

The croissant aspect of these crispy critters is the most impressive facet of them. They're layered in these thin, flaky, almost wafery strata of breadtastic delight. 

They're awesome to crunch on by themselves straight out of the bag so you can appreciate the unadulterated texture in its purest form, but they're also excellent in soup. They'll sop up a bit of the liquid and get quite soggy on the outside, but they're dense and bulky enough that they still retain some amount of crunchiness on the inside.

There's a butteriness about them that nearly approximates the comfort food quality you might get from grilled cheese when paired with tomato soup. The liquid in the soup wakes up the butter in the croutons and makes them—I don't know how to say it—it makes them more than mere croutons.

The rosemary element is significant. For me, it borders on overkill but doesn't quite cross that line. Sonia likes the flavor profile perfectly just the way it is.

If you're someone that enjoys Triscuits, Wheat Thins, Cheez-Its, Goldfish, saltines, or butter crackers as occasional snacks, I think these croutons are worth a try just for their stand-alone snack value. We'll definitely try the remainder of the pack with salad later this week. I'm sure they'll work great. 

$3.99 for the bag. This product gets a thumbs up from both Sonia and me. Four stars a piece.

Bottom line: 8 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Egg Wraps

Look, in the deli section! It's an egg....it's a wrap...it's the new Trader Joe's Egg Wraps!

You ever eat something with a familiar flavor in an unconventional or at least non-standard form? That's pretty much the experience here with these new-fangled gluten-free dairy-free kinda crepe-like eggy tortilla type thingies. It's...equally somewhat familiar and somewhat foreign all at once. 

The closest approximation I can make as far as taste is a Dutch baby pancake, which are pretty heavy into eggs and flour if you're not acquainted with them. Even that's not quite right, as it's rice flour and millet used here, not all-purpose. And obviously the wraps aren't all big and poofy either. But it gets the idea of a super egginess into a pancake-esque form, with a slightly more "grain"y taste. Odd, perhaps, but it works. 

The wraps themselves are super pliable and easy to use, like any respectable tortilla. Whether warming up or eating cold from the fridge, the flavor and flexibility remained really about the same. it was easy to make a quick ham and cheese wrap that wasn't greasy or slimy or offputting in any way. For us, I could see us using the wraps as a quick morning breakfast when the craving for eggs hits, but the time doesn't allow. Of course, if you need to be gluten-free, or just want to sneak some extra protein into your diet, you don't need to wait til breakfast time. That's just us. 

Six wraps come in the package, which is good for three servings. Cost was about $4.49 if I recall right, so about 75 cents each. Seems fair to have that kinda convenience/novelty upcharge baked in. No real complaints, and they're differently interesting to try on out.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Egg Wraps: 8 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Trader Joe's Tamarind Sauce

Not all that long ago, the beautiful wifey made a comment about craving tamarind sauce with another Trader Joe's product we reviewed. The comment struck me as totally random at the time, but at least part of my reaction was due to my general disdain for tamarind-flavored things.

I've had tamarind candy, tamarind soda, and even tamarind-flavored vodka. In each case, I thought it was kinda gross. Sonia grew up with such treats...well, okay, not the vodka, but the tamarind candy and beverages are something she's totally accustomed to. I think it's a Mexican thing.

To me, this sauce isn't a far cry from steak sauce, flavor-wise, but perhaps a bit more versatile. It's a bit thinner than A1 and other leading brands and perhaps a tad sweeter, but both types of sauces are tart, tangy, citrusy, and have an interesting blend of peppery spices underneath it all. This tamarind sauce is almost like a slightly fruitier version of Worcestershire sauce.

I don't think the average American wants A1-flavored candy or steak sauce soda, do you? But in its proper context as a condiment for meat, it's perfectly tasty. I'd say the same for tamarind, personally.

This sauce worked well with salmon, providing the same sort of sweet-tart element you might get from teriyaki sauce. It also went great with grilled chicken. I'm sure it would work well with white fish or shrimp. I don't eat steak very often, but I'd absolutely use it in place of A1 or Worcestershire.

It pours a deep, dark brown—almost like used motor oil. But because it's so relatively thin, it doesn't coat very well, and you can go through a lot of it quite quickly. I think it was $2.99 for about 7 oz.

We're both down for another purchase. Four stars from me. Four and a half from Sonia.

Bottom line: 8.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Crispy Crunchy Peanut Butter Cookies

 

In the world of cookies, there's a few ways you can go, of course. 

There's soft and squishy/melty. Soft and crumbly. Crispy and crumbly. Crispy and crunchy. hard and crunchy. And then just plain ol' rocks. 

For my money, as that list progresses, the quality and enjoyment factor of a peanut butter cookie goes down significantly...but we may have a new benchmark with Trader Joe's Crispy Crunchy Peanut Butter Cookies. 

Usually, it's the taste that diminishes the further right on the spectrum you go. But, it's not the case here. there's an undeniably strong peanut butter flavor, albeit somewhat sweet and sugary. it's a cookie, after all. But the taste is fairly nutty, a touch savory, and hits a lot of key notes, and is enough of a winning combo for my book. The little occasional chunk of peanut does help seal the deal.

But man, these would be even better if softer in my opinion, to really let that flavor wash over. Instead, the bite-sized cookies border on being too hard, too crunchy at times. The molars do get a work out here. A little milk or hot chocolate does soften them, for sure, but it'd be nice to have a softer bite without resorting to dunking. 

These new TJ pb cookies are pretty tasty, and a tub is worth a pick up for the occasional munch or homework time motivator. At about $4 for the tub it's a good enough value even for not being my preferred texture. There's only so many ways you can go.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Crispy Crunchy Peanut Butter Cookies: 7 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Trader Joe's Cinna-Dragons

The age of the dragon is upon us.

So many pop culture dragons these days I could blather on about: Smaug from The Hobbit, Daenerys Targaryen's dragons from Game of Thrones, Toothless from How to Train Your Dragon. I could go on and on.

Why these little candies are shaped like dragons and not like, I dunno...bears or tigers or something...anything else, I really have no idea. They're not even all that hot. The bag even states, "Are they fire-breathing dragon hot? Nah."

That's accurate.

The heat level here is probably just enough to annoy spice-o-phobes and probably a good bit shy of what a spice-o-phile is craving. But if you just want a standard sweet cinnamon candy with a bit of a kick, then these little treats are hard to complain about.

I went through a brief Hot Tamales phase in high school. These are comparable. I liked Fireballs, too, which obviously weren't chewy, but flaunted a very similar sweet-hot cinnamon flavor profile.

I don't recall what ingredients were used in those old-school cinnamon candies, but the Trader Joe's version is pretty much above reproach in that department. There's cane sugar instead of high fructose corn syrup and vegetable juice instead of weird chemical dyes. Nothing super unusual or unpronounceable.

In the end, I just have to be in the mood for cinnamon candy. There's nothing about these that calls me back for piece after piece. Their texture is fine. Their flavor is fine. I don't know what I was expecting. Maybe TJ's should dip them in dark chocolate next time.

Beautiful wifey feels the same. $2.29 per resealable bag. Gluten-free. Kosher. Three stars a piece from Sonia and me for Trader Joe's Cinna-Dragons.

Bottom line: 6 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Deli Style Corned Beef Flavor Dog Treats

Well this product is seasonally-appropriate, at least. Along with potatoes, Irish bangers, Irish soda bread, and of course Lucky Charms cereal, corned beef is a classic St. Patrick's Day meal. And since we've never seen any actual corned beef products for people from Trader Joe's, it looks like these dog treats are on deck for a review.

Even the packaging is green, white, and orange. How festive. And although there are no shamrocks or overt mentions of the patron saint of Ireland, we know what Trader Joe's was going for. The spiel on the back of the bag even suggests making a reuben sandwich for dogs using these corned beef treats.

Let's check out the ingredients. They include beef, potato, paprika, and celery powder. Heck with ingredients like that, I'd consider eating them. With grocery prices these days, I may have to...

But my dogs would have something to say about that, because they love these treats. There's a good bit of protein and fat, and of course no grains. If you stick your nose in the bag, it really does smell like real corned beef. As far as dog snacks go, these are pretty top-notch, quality-wise. And they're top-notch taste-wise, too, if I go by my mutts' reaction when I break this bag out of the pet pantry.

No dog deli near you? No problem. These are authentic deli style dog treats. Alfred and Sadie both agree. Four paw prints a piece.

Bottom line: 8 out of 10.