Trader Joe's Crispy Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookies

These happy little cookie bites are sure to produce post-dinner smiles. Good texture. They are crispy, as the label indicates. They are slightly crunchy as well, but "crispy" is indeed the proper adjective to describe the level of tooth/cookie resistance present in these snackable treats.

They're made with oatmeal, which is better for you than bleached wheat flour, and they have a moderate amount of chocolate. Just enough to make them dessert-like and fun.

I'd say they're better than Famous Amos or any other big name vending machine type cookie, and probably better for you. And, if you broke down the price to find out the cost per cookie, I'm willing to bet they're a better value, at $3.99 for one package.

Sonia gives them a 4 out of 5. I do, too. Bottom line: 8 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Honey Nut O's

Trader Joe's
Honey Nut O's

That rhymes.

They should have a little bee that raps about this cereal on commercials. "Honey Nut O's, mine not yo's..."

But I guess that would kinda be copying the Cheerios bee. Not that the Cheerios bee raps...only because "Honey Nut" doesn't rhyme with "Cheerios." If it did, I'm sure the Cheerios bee would bust it out like Jay-Z...Hey, they could call him "Jay-Bee." Get it?

Lol. That's terrible, I know...

Since they're made of oats, they could have a rapping horse...since horses like oats I think. And they could name it after some famous horse...Mr. Ed...Secretariat...Seabiscuit...I guess they could call him Honeybiscuit.

Anyway, I like this cereal. It's very close to the Honey Nut Cheerios in terms of flavor and texture, and it's generally cheaper. Good Stuff. Sonia and I give it Four and a half Stars a piece. Bottom line: 9 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Organic Mango Nectar

I like the thick, rich texture of this juice. And that's about all I like. The taste leaves a little to be desired. Sonia wasn't a huge fan either.

I like mangos. I guess they just don't translate into nectar the way I was hoping they would. My logic was "I like the way mangos taste, therefore, I will like the taste of this organic beverage made from mangos."

It's as if the good people at TJ's found a way to create a delicious mango flavored beverage, but they couldn't get the texture quite right, so they decided to see if monkey urine would smooth everything out, and even though the flavor was completely ruined, they just left it that way because they ran out of ideas.

Sonia says she thinks it's bland...I disagree...I think it tastes the way a mango tastes, but with something extra...something that just ruins it. Not sure what it is...the package mentions white grape juice and vitamin C, but I've never heard of either of those things ruining the taste of a fruit juice before.

With this Mango Nectar, TJ's has offered us a healthy beverage flaunting near perfect texture and consistency, with a flavor not unlike the fluid waste of a diseased chimpanzee...not that I know what that tastes like...I'm just guessing.

If you're really really crazy about mango, you should try it...I might be wrong. It gets 2 stars out of 5 from this reviewer. Sonia gives it a 2, stating "And that's being generous." Bottom line: 4 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Mini Eclairs

I thought these were really good.

The last time Sonia and I had eclairs, we were in Vegas at one of those all-you-can-eat buffets, and they had eclairs out on their pastry table. And boy, these Vegas eclairs were disgusting! Worst. Eclairs. Ever.

So, after that experience, it didn't take much to impress me. I thought these Trader Joe's Mini Eclairs were tasty. The chocolate and the filling were very good. I must admit, the bread was a tad dry. That's what got Sonia. She is an eclair enthusiast, and she wasn't thrilled with these. She'll admit they were better than the Vegas buffet eclairs, but still not up to par with the fine pastries she is accustomed to.

Once these eclairs sat around a bit longer, they got slightly more moist. They come frozen, and you're supposed to eat them thawed. The only one Sonia had was about an hour or two into the thawing process. I think they need a little longer than that...For pre-packaged, frozen eclairs, I don't think you can expect too much more than what TJ's delivers. I give them Four and a half Stars out of Five. Sonia gives them Three and a half. Bottom line: 8 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Organic Strawberry Lemonade

Well...I definitely like this stuff. That may indicate that it would be too sweet for some people. It's actually quite similar to the Pomegranate Limeade...except think of a strawberry instead of a pomegranate...and a lemon instead of a lime...

But really, it does have a similar texture and flavor to the Limeade. The main difference, I would say, is that this beverage is not quite as tart. The sweetness level is about the same, but the strawberry finish generates a milder pucker than that of the Pomegranate Limeade.

Sonia gives it Four Stars, and it would have gotten that fifth one if not for the excessive sweetness. I give it Four and a half. I really like it, and it's a nice break from the Pomegranate Limeade once in a while, but overall the flavor isn't quite as impressive. But it's a very close second in my book...

Bottom line: 8.5 out of 10.

Trader José Light Premium Lager

So this is supposed to taste like a Corona or something. It says it's imported from Mexico. Authentic. Trader Jose. Si, Senor. 

 It's not as good as Corona, but it's not bad for an imitation store brand. And, it's cheaper than Corona. Limes always help with Coronas, and I'm sure they would enhance the flavor of this beer, too, although we didn't have any when we tried this. 

Also, it is a light beer. There was no non-light version at the store when we picked this up. Light beers can't really compete with the real thing. I don't think I've ever had a Corona Light. It's probably on par with the Trader Jose. 

All in all, it's pretty good. I give it a Four. Sonia gives it a Four. 

Bottom line: 8 out of 10.

Trader José's Chunky Salsa

<gasp> This stuff's made in Needham, Mass? Well, this stuff ain't made in San Antonio, but I still think it's a good salsa. Actually it's only sold and distributed from Needham, Mass., and I'm not sure where it's made. Could be New York City for all I know. In this case, it looks like our good friend Trader Jose hopped the border and made straight for the northeast.

I'm happy with it, but I am a yankee, and I apparently cannot be considered a connoisseur of fine salsas. To me, it seems chunky, just like the label says, and it has plenty of flavor. It's got just a little kick, but it won't burn your mouth.

It's OK if a salsa burns your mouth some, as long as it's got the sabor to back it up. ('Sabor' is Spanish for 'flavor.' Have you seen those billboards where it says something like "Experience true sabor." I guess 'sabor' is a real Spanglish word now. We'll go ahead and define the Spanglish term 'sabor' as "flavor, as it pertains to any food or beverage imported from a Latin country, or a Tex-Mex inspired food, such as this salsa.")

Now my wife, who is 1st generation Mexican-American, has the authority to declare this a good salsa, despite the fact it's made in (or at least distributed from) New England. And she actually likes it more than I do. So that says something.

I think they have hotter versions of the same salsa. I guess this is the mild variety. There's a little graph in the shape of a chili on the side of the jar that shows you how hot it is, and the chili is 1/3 red. I'm guessing medium is 2/3 red, and so on. I'll have to try the hotter ones too at some point. For this kind, I give Four and a half Stars. Sonia gives Five Stars. Bottom line: 9.5 out of 10.

Joe-Joe's 'n Cream Flavored Ice Cream

Joe-Joe is apparently a toucan or some other kind of tropical bird, and he apparently has his own line of oreo-style cookies at Trader Joe's. What toucans have to do with chocolate and vanilla creme sandwich cookies, I don't know. (I'm not sure what they ever had to do with fruit loops, either, but at least the colors on the toucan's beak were similar to the color scheme of the cereal). By that logic, perhaps a zebra might have made a better cookies n' creme mascot. Anyway...this ice cream is "cookies 'n cream" flavor, and it's very good, in my opinion.

Sonia and I are both lovers of cookies 'n cream ice cream. It's the perfect balance of classic ice cream flavors with exciting cookie surprises. It's safer than something like "apple pie" ice cream or "strawberry cheesecake" ice cream, which, although tempting and emanating with potential, can be easily botched by an imbalance of ingredients or an improper pastry to ice cream ratio. Conversely, cookies 'n cream, though somewhat traditional, is not nearly as boring as plain chocolate, strawberry, or vanilla. It is the bar by which ice cream standards are set. Dairy science wizards and ice cream auteurs that can master the fine art of cookies 'n cream may then get set to tackle more advanced flavors, a la Ben and Jerry's, the world's leading minds in the world of dairy deliciousness.

Like Ben and Jerry's, Joe-Joe's opposes the recombinant bovine growth hormone and will not use milk from cows treated with it. I don't know what it is exactly, but it is evidently quite sinister, and cows treated with it are downright unhappy.

Sonia thinks the ice cream was a little bland. I disagree. I could taste chocolatey cookies and vanilla ice cream, and it was creamy and sweet...our other guests didn't make a big fuss about it either way, which would tend to suggest they kind of agree with Sonia. Hmmm...

Anyway, the cookies 'n cream passes, at least in my book. TJ's, you may now proceed with caution in the development and production of more bizarre flavors.

I give the Joe-Joe's 'n Cream Four and a half Stars. Sonia gives only Three and a half. Bottom line: 8 out of 10.

Trader Joe's 100% Pure Maple Syrup

I was trying to think what Canadian name they could give to maple syrup...but I guess there are plenty of guys named Joe in Canada. Maybe "Trader Joe's, Eh? Pure Maple Syrup"?

Or how about "Trader Joe the Mountie Pure Maple Syrup"? But then, if this Mountie's profession is Royal Canadian Mounted Policeman, then he can't also be a trader, can he? I mean I guess he could, but he should probably focus on catching the moose poachers instead of trading maple syrup and the like.

Well, I guess we'll just think of it as "(Canuck) Trader Joe's 100% Pure Maple Syrup." It is good, by the way. It goes well with the aforementioned Gluten-free, Dairy-free Pancakes (or any other pancakes, for that matter.) I give it Four and a half out of Five Stars. Sonia gives it Four and a half out of Five Stars, too. Bottom line: 9 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Gluten & Dairy Free Homestyle Pancakes

Mmmm...just like mom used to make at home...wait, no, I'm pretty sure the ones mom made when I was a kid had dairy, and you can bet they were chock full o' gluten, too.

Actually, my mom never made pancakes for me as a kid. My dad did sometimes, and I distinctly remember almost choking to death on one of his famous rubber pancakes. Yummy.

At any rate, these pancakes are a marked improvement over anything I ever had in my home. Makes you wonder whose home these pancakes were styled after? Well, apparently this particular home had some issues with milk...and gluten, as well.

What is gluten, anyway? We know it has something to do with wheat, but we're not quite sure what it has to do with wheat. We know many people have some sort of "issues" with it. Are people allergic to it? Does it cause indigestion? Is it just not good for us?...Does it taste bad?

Well, I certainly don't miss it in these Trader Joe's brand "Homestyle" Pancakes. Come to think of it, the pancakes in most people's homes probably don't come in little plastic wrappers, either. And they're probably cooked on the stovetop, not in the microwave.

Oh well, homestyle or not, I'll keep eating them. Four out of Five Stars. Sonia gives Four out of Five. Bottom line: 8 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Organic Whole Wheat Fettuccini and Organic Marinara Sauce

This pasta combination is very good. It's extremely filling. The whole wheat fettuccini is thick and hearty. I didn't read the label before Sonia cooked the pasta, but I'll bet there's like a day's worth of fiber in one serving of those noodles...which is good if you...ya'know, need more fiber. There's at least enough pasta in the $1.29 package to make two large servings, and probably more like three or four. The marinara sauce costs $2.29 a bottle.

The sauce has a medium consistency. It's not super-thick, but it's not too thin, either. It's not really chunky, but the pasta itself feels chunky somehow—in a good way. There's a nice tomato-ey flavor to the sauce that works well with the wheaty flavor of the fettuccini. You feel like you're eating a dish that came right out of the good green earth and into your tummy. Right on, TJ's.

I give the pasta Four and a half Stars, the sauce Four Stars. Sonia gives the pasta Four Stars and the sauce Four Stars.

Bottom line:
Trader Joe's Organic Whole Wheat Fettuccini: 8.5 out of 10.
Trader Joe's Organic Marinara Sauce: 8 out of 10.

Trader Ming's BBQ Chicken Teriyaki

Again, we have the "Trader Ming's" brand signifying that this is authentic Chinese food. Er, wait...isn't teriyaki Japanese?

First we had Trader Ming's Mandarin Orange Chicken...definitely Chinese...what with "Mandarin" and all. Orange Chicken = Panda Express = Chinese.

And Teriyaki = Kabuki restaurant = Japanese. Hmm...I don't know, I'm thinking maybe this should have been Trader Yoshi's or something.

Whether Trader Joe's got its nation of origin correct or not, this chicken teriyaki is pretty tasty. Sonia cooked it up like a pro. Well, I guess it's already cooked; you just put it on the stove for a while to heat it up and add some sauce. But she totally nailed the heating up and adding sauce process.

Yet again, Trader Joe's...<a'hem> Trader Ming's, rather...whoops, excuse me...Trader Yoshi's BBQ Chicken Teriyaki is a victory for TJ's Asian food efforts. I liked it quite a bit. Almost as good as the teriyaki chicken I've had at classy Japanese restaurants. Sonia claims hers was a little too chewy. I guess I can see where she's coming from. The texture may have been slightly off. But I definitely liked the flavor.

I give it Four out of Five Stars. Sonia gives it Three and a half Stars. Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Roasted Seaweed Snack

Yes, I enjoy seaweed. It's like salty paper that melts in your mouth. I'm pretty sure it's an Asian thing. I know they usually use seaweed in cut sushi rolls.

I love eating this seaweed snack with rice. The seaweed comes in little square sheets. You just pick up the sheet, put it on the tips of your fingers, and scoop up a little rice with it.

It tastes great by itself if you're just in the mood for a salty snack. Eat it right out of the package. Or if you're like the weirdos that took the photo on the wrapper, you can crumple up each piece and serve it in some gourmet crystal serving dish thing, when you're, like, entertaining snooty guests or royalty or something.

It's cheap, it's good for you, and it's pretty tasty.

I give it Four out of Five Stars. Sonia gives it Four out of Five, too. Bottom line: 8 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Meatless Corn Dogs

One day, I was particularly in the mood for corn dogs as I roamed the crowded aisles of my local Trader Joe's, when I spotted these frozen puppies. I didn't see any other varieties nearby, and I was crestfallen upon noticing the "meatless" seal on the cover of this box. I wanted meatful corn dogs. Who ever heard of a vegetarian corn dog?

Well, my friends, I was brave that fateful day (not to mention really desperate for a corn dog) and I went ahead and bought these corn dogs, devoid of life-sustaining meat. And wouldn't you know it, but the evil genius that decided it was a good idea to make vegetarian corn dogs also decided it would be a good idea to make them taste good. Now, I'm not going to lie to you -- if I had a meaty corn dog in one hand and these Trader Joe's Meatless Corn Dogs in the other, I could probably tell which was which. But, without having the meatful corn dog for reference, the average consumer probably wouldn't detect the absence of meat in these amazing TJ's Corn Dogs. I really like them. Easy to microwave, relatively healthy; look there, "4g of Soy Protein."

I've got to hand it to these vegetarians; not liking the taste of veggie foods is an increasingly invalid excuse for eating meat with every meal. Trader Joe's Meatless Corn Dogs are healthy and tasty, and you can enjoy them without wondering if there are pig snouts or hooves in the food. Always a plus.



Bottom line: 8.5 out of 10.

Mikawaya Mochi Ice Cream

So...I know this is cheating because technically this mochi isn't Trader Joe's brand, but if you're shopping at TJ's a lot, you need to try these, and I've never seen them anywhere other than Trader Joe's.

For those of you unfamiliar with mochi ice cream, it's a sort of soft, dessert-ish, rice-based shell filled with ice cream, and, ohmyfreakinggosh, it's good.

I guess Mikawaya is a Japanese company. It wouldn't surprise me if these puppies are imported from the Orient. They're a little pricey: in the ballpark of $3 for six little ice cream ball things...but trust me, it's worth it. If you buy them individually at a mochi ice cream restaurant in Little Tokyo, for example, you might pay $1 for each one. So six for $3 is a bargain. Plus, the quality is on par with ones I've had from an actual mochi parlor. They're amazing.

My favorite flavors are strawberry and vanilla. Chocolate is OK...only get the green tea flavor if you LOVE green tea. I've never had mango, but I hear it's not bad.

Next time you're in the frozen section of TJ's, pick up a box. They're scrump-dilly-icious. Bottom line: 9.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Sparkling Mineral Water

Since it's still summer, and it has been pretty hot lately, we'll go ahead and review TJ's water, since everyone should be thinking about their proper hydration. I mean, it is just water. 

However, I can totally tell the difference between name brands such as Perrier or San Pellegrino and a store brand. TJ's ranks very high among store brands, but doesn't quite hold up to the likes of Perrier. Similar to other popular lines of sparkling water, TJ's mineral waters come in different flavors: plain, lemon, lime, berry, and orange. I think my favorites are berry and lime. Sonia likes lemon the best. Orange is our least favorite. 

But they're all decent, and all worth a try. At $ .89 a bottle, it's not a very big investment. It's hot out there. You'll surely be sweating a lot. Drink plenty of fluids. 

Bottom line: 8 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Peanut Butter

So here we have Trader Joe's Crunchy Salted Peanut Butter and Trader Joe's Organic Crunchy Peanut Butter. They're both good. They also come in unsalted varieties.

I can't really tell a difference in the taste between the organic and regular. They both taste pretty fresh. I remember a farmer's market run by Mennonites in my hometown in central Pennsylvania that would pulverize peanuts (or any nuts you wanted) right before your eyes in a hand-cranked grinder to make a butter out of them. It was as fresh as could be. The taste of the Trader Joe's brand is exactly half-way between that ground-right-in-front-of-you-by-Amish-types flavor and that of any traditional grocery store brand. Considering that the price is in the same ballpark as Jif or Peter Pan, it's a pretty good value.

I give them Four and a half Stars. Sonia gives them Four. 

Bottom line: 8.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Omega Trek Mix

When I read lables that boast "500mg of Omega 3 Fatty Acids Per Serving," I expect the product to taste like some nasty oily medicine. So my expectations are already low...but that's just me. I'm weird. It's probably some psychological issue I have. Also, I'm seeing tons of walnuts in this bag, and I'm not the biggest fan of walnuts. Sonia loves walnuts. I'm more of a peanut, pecan, and almond kind of guy.

So, as I'm writing this, I'm trying this trail mix for the first time. Appropriately, I have just come in from a long walk outside on the urban trails of Hollywood. (No, I'm not talking about Runyon Canyon - just the sidewalks...but I walked at least two miles by my calculations).

So let's see how this trail mix holds up to its competition...

OK, well the first thing I notice is that the packaging is poorly designed. The bag is not resealable. I will have to put the remainder of the mix in a tupperware container after I try a few handfuls. And, the package just exploded as I opened it. It's one of those bags where as soon as you've applied enough force to get the package open, you've already applied too much force. I just spent five minutes picking up nuts and berries off the floor. I'm docking at least a half a point for that. How frustrating!

So, there aren't as many walnuts as I first expected. It's not bad. Every third bite or so, I get kind of a medicinal flavor on my tongue...just slightly. The berries are very oily, and now my hands are quite sticky. If you're really hiking with this trek mix, be sure to bring some moist towelettes - or dip your hands in a stream nearby.

There are way too many pepitas. (That's what Latinos call pumpkin seeds). Now, I don't have a problem with pepitas by themselves, but I'm not a big fan of them in trail mixes. I like trail mixes to be a little sweet, and pepitas are decidedly salty.

The bag sells for $4.48.

Other than that, this trail mix passes. I give it Three out of Five Stars. Sonia gives it Four out of Five Stars. Bottom line: 7 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Chicken Cilantro Mini Wontons

Yummers. I'm not sure why these are Trader Joe's and not "Trader Ming's" like the orange chicken and some of their other Asian foods. I guess this is Americanized Chinese food. It tastes authentic enough to me...(as if I'd know the difference).

Easy to prepare, good texture, not too expensive. I think they're $3. I'd say these are a good buy. Add a little soy sauce -or- TJ's has a really delicious gyoza sauce that works well with these little guys.

I give them Four and a half out of Five Stars. Sonia gives Four and a half Stars. Bottom line: 9 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Organic Tomato Bisque

Of all the things I would have guessed to be absolutely bursting with flavor, it wouldn't have been tomato soup. But this tomato bisque is quite possibly the best tomato-based soup I've ever had of any brand, anywhere.

Sonia and I like to grill up cheese sandwiches on the George Foreman and dip them in this soup. Simply amazing. We use whole wheat bread or multi-grain bread with Havarti cheese. That seems to go pretty well with this bisque. But just by itself or with saltine crackers is good, too. We haven't tried it yet, but I bet you could use this as a sauce for pasta.

Pick it up for $1.99 a can.

I give it Five out of Five Stars. Sonia does, too. Bottom line: 10 out of 10.