It might be an unpopular opinion, but in general, I think food should just be food and decorations should just be decorations. I've never discovered a product that excelled at both simultaneously. And that's to be expected, isn't it? Most edible decorations have been handled excessively before anyone gets the chance to eat them. And if they do, in fact, serve the purpose of ornamentation, well, then...they've likely been sitting out in the open collecting dust, being touched by children and licked by pets for goodness knows how long.
Of course, there are exceptions to every rule. And that's one of the reasons we'll be looking at this classic Trader Joe's Decorate Your Own Holiday Ornaments Cookie Kit. We'll be sure to score based on value and fun-factor, not just on taste and texture of the "baked cookies."
First observation: this is a big box. It's heavy. It's one pound and 4.7 ounces! I think that's the second heaviest food product we've ever purchased from Trader Joe's after the big round tin of Jingle Jangle.
There are three tubes of icing: red, white, and green. The colors aren't particularly vibrant. They're rather drab for holiday red and green. I suppose we can chalk that up to Trader Joe's using natural stuff for colors like vegetable juice, paprika, beet powder, turmeric, and spirulina extract instead of typical man-made dyes. That's fine. It's a trade-off.
There are two of each cookie shape: gift box, Christmas tree, snowman, and snowflake. And there are two little packets of candy decorations, one with tiny snowflakes, candy canes, gingerbread men, trees, and balls of various colors. They also give you shiny golden twist ties to hang the ornaments from your Christmas tree.
They taste like the most boring sugar cookies ever. They're only moderately sweet, and they taste and feel like they were meant to be decorative. The candy sprinkles and icings aren't much better. I honestly wouldn't buy this as a food item. I guess kids might like 'em, but I can't imagine many adults being enamored by the taste and texture of these things. A full cookie contains 300 calories, and that's not even close to worth it by my estimation—especially around the holidays when there are so many super tasty foods available.
But I gotta admit, they're cute. Feel free to critique our handiwork in the comments below. I'm sure your kids made much nicer cookies than we did. We're a little out of practice at decorating edible Christmas ornaments.
$7.99 for eight cookies. We'll offer two separate scores here, one as a food item, and another as a decorative one. Four Christmas stars a piece from Sonia and me as far as a fun family activity and ornamental value are concerned for Trader Joe's Decorate Your Own Holiday Ornaments Cookie Kit. Two grinchy Christmas stars a piece from Sonia and me for the edible aspects of this box of cookies.
Bottom line: 8 out of 10 stars for the fun-factor.
Bottom line: 4 out of 10 stars for the food-factor.
Most people you ask will tell you green goddess dressing is characterized by sour cream and mayo content. Trader Joe's seems to have taken the stance that green goddess is defined by its spice blend rather than its creamy base products. I'll back that claim up with exhibit A: Trader Joe's Green Goddess Salad Dressing, a vegan take on the classic condiment. Sonia and I both have an affinity for avocado and avocado-based products, so the lack of dairy and eggs didn't hurt when we scored that product.
Conversely, TJ's isn't hating on the traditional sour cream and mayo combo. As long as it has that lemon, basil, garlic, pepper, and chives blend, it's still worthy of the moniker "green goddess." Exhibit B: Trader Joe's Green Goddess Dip.
And finally, I bring before you exhibit C, a non-vegan green goddess flavored food, void of sour cream and mayo, but still worthy of the name. They didn't call it Gouda with Basil, Garlic, and Chives. They called it Trader Joe's Green Goddess Gouda.
Predictably, Trader Joe's now offers the spice blend in a shaker all by itself so you can make ANYTHING green goddess-style. Green goddess eggs. Green goddess fries. Green goddess popcorn. Green goddess turkey and swiss sandwiches. Green goddess ice cream? Insert something even more ridiculous than green goddess ice cream here. There's even a recipe for Green Goddess Dressing on the side of the shaker, although that's not particularly ridiculous.
It tastes like classic green goddess spices, and it's super convenient. It goes well with just about any salty or savory food you can think of. It's fairly allium-forward, and they didn't overdo it with the salt. The lemon elements are surprisingly potent, as well. It's a very nice flavorful blend.
I'd call it a decent value at $2.49 for 2 oz. I think we're looking at four stars a piece from Sonia and me on Trader Joe's Green Goddess Seasoning Blend.
Bottom line: 8 out of 10.
The way the title of this product is written on the label, you might think it should be called Trader Joe's Joe-Joe's Pepper Mint Cream Liqueur. First off, we all know "peppermint" is one word. Furthermore, there's no such thing as a Joe-Joe's Pepper Mint. There are, however, Trader Joe's Peppermint Joe-Joe's, and several spinoff varieties thereof. Also, I don't like saying the name "Joe" three times in such succinct succession.
It is therefore more appropriate to call this beverage Trader Joe's Peppermint Joe-Joe's Cream Liqueur. No nutrition information is given anywhere on the bottle because nobody would ever be curious about the ingredients of an alcoholic beverage—never in a million years. High fructose corn syrup? Arsenic? Rat poison? Meh. It's all good. I trust that Trader Joe's and their mysterious third party suppliers have my best interest at heart...
But all sarcasm aside, this is a tasty beverage. There's very little harsh vodka flavor despite the only hint about the libation's composition being a note reading "made with vodka" on the festive, tastefully-designed packaging.
This product sat for a few days before we consumed it. There were a few whispers of sediment at the bottom of the bottle. To my surprise, the sediment wasn't white or pink, but a dark chocolate brown. I think that's the "Joe-Joe's" part of the equation. Like, they put in something chocolatey to approximate the cookie part of the above-mentioned Peppermint Joe-Joe's.
It's mostly a sweet vanilla and peppermint flavor, but there's also something faintly chocolatey. It's quite delicious and surprisingly smooth and velvety. I've heard rumors on the interzones that people make Peppermint White Russians with this stuff. Yikes. That sounds dangerously delicious. Don't let Jeffrey "The Dude" Lebowski know about that recipe.
If we had Kahlua on hand, I'd give you the lowdown. So far, I've just had this stuff on the rocks, and IT. IS. YUMMY. You could easily add more cream if it's too much alcohol for you.
Conversely, you could add more vodka if it's not stiff enough for you. Not that I recommend that. Just sayin'.
We've had pretty good luck with these holiday liqueurs throughout the years. See Trader Joe's Egg Nog and Ginger Bread varieties. Eggnog? Gingerbread? Maybe it is "Pepper Mint" after all.
I digress. $8.99 for the 750 ml bottle. 14.75% ABV. A mere three and a half stars from Sonia, who wants there to be a little more of that chocolatey flavor. Perfect five from me for Trader Joe's Peppermint Joe-Joe's Cream Liqueur.
Bottom line: 8.5 out of 10.
