Our Favorite Trader Joe's Valentine's Treats

Click below to watch a 20 minute discussion of our current favorite Trader Joe's Valentine's Day products and a brief recap of some memorable items from years past.

Trader Joe's Ranch Seasoned Cashews

Growing up, my mother always had this odd assortment of nuts lying around the house. In the kitchen, in the cluttered hallway, and even in her bedroom, there would be half-eaten tubs and jars of macadamias, pistachios, pecans, and filberts spilling out onto tables and floors all over the place. Among her favorites were, of course, cashews. I quickly learned to like them since they were virtually always available at our house and my food allergies limited what I could eat, especially throughout my younger years.

Back then, the only varieties of cashews I remember were salted or unsalted, raw or dry roasted. If they'd offered ranch cashews, I would have been begging my parents to try them. Whether they'd have indulged me or not would have depended upon whether my mother wanted to try them, too. My guess is she'd have given them a whirl.

Would she have liked them or not? I'm not sure. It's well within the realm of possibility that a cashew purist might be scared off by the sugar, garlic, and buttermilk slathered on this snack. I mean, Sonia and I like them quite a bit. We think the level of ranch-ish-ness is appropriate. Others may disagree.

Certain bites seem more ranchy than others, but the overall flavor is a good balance between the cashews' nutty goodness and the buttery, garlicky tang of ranch dressing. I must admit the taste seemed a little strange at first, but it quickly grew on me.

The nuts are mostly whole cashews with some halves floating around in the bag. Sonia liked their texture, stating that they're not too hard and not too soft, still crunchy like a nut should be but not overly firm.

$3.99 for the 8 oz resealable bag. Kosher. Would buy again. Eight and a half stars from Sonia for Trader Joe's Ranch Seasoned Cashews. I'll throw out seven and a half.

Bottom line: 8 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Aglio Olio Seasoning Blend

"Aglio e olio" apparently means "garlic and oil" in Italian. Never heard the phrase before looking into this product. I honestly don't know if this is a traditional spice blend from The Beautiful Country or not, but it's darn tasty.

If I were tasked with making my own ideal spice blend from scratch, I would undoubtedly start with garlic. It's the king of spices and herbs in my book. Red bell pepper and red chili pepper would most definitely be on the list as well to add some flavor and oomph to the seasoning. We've got both in Trader Joe's Aglio Olio.

Rounding out the list might be sea salt, parsley, and some kind of oil. My version might have onion in it as well, but I think you get the picture: my ultimate seasoning mix would be remarkably close to what we have here.

No point in purchasing it if you don't like garlic. It's quite allium forward. It's mildly spicy and very flavorful. My only complaint might be that it's a little saltier than I'd prefer it to be.

It's great with pasta, orzo, rice, or...in case you have any oddly bland pizza pockets on hand, it's Aglio Olio to the rescue. I'd add it to anything Italian. The shaker says you can toss it with spaghetti and olive oil, I guess in lieu of traditional pasta sauce, which sounds delightful. I bet it would go great with olive oil and bruschetta, too.

$2.49 for the 1.7 oz shaker. Kosher. Would buy again. This is probably one of my top three TJ's seasonings of all time. Eight and a half stars from both Sonia and me for Trader Joe's Aglio Oilo Garlicky & Spicy Seasoning Blend.

Bottom line: 8.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Panzerotti Pizza Bites

Four bucks gets you "about 4 servings" of panzerotti. There were 11 little pizza pouches, like mini calzones, in our bag. It's another Italian import, and it's another disappointment, unfortunately.

On the plus side, there's absolutely nothing offensive about these little doughy doodads. They're made of soft flour on the outside and they're filled with mozzarella cheese and tomato sauce. 

Straight out of the air fryer, there are wisps of cheese just starting to ooze from the seams on the little pizza pockets. The only hint I had that these wouldn't be perfectly scrumptious was the curious absence of a fresh-baked pizza smell. There wasn't much odor at all, save for the scent of slightly toasty reheated wheat bread.

And the taste? The same. Remarkably bland for Italian food. You can tell there's cheese and sauce, but it's like they forgot all the spices. I see them listed in the ingredients, but I guess I just want more—more garlic, more oregano, more basil, more pepper.

The texture is pleasant. The shell is soft and fluffy, slightly crispy on the outside, depending on how long you air fry them. The cheese and sauce are nice and gooey, although most specimens could have used a lot more of both. It's mostly just empty space on the inside of the pockets.

You could salvage these by dipping them in tomato bisque or some other kind of creamy, thick soup. Or maybe you could add your own cheese and spices. Again, they're not awful, they just didn't live up to their potential and are far too bland in our opinions.

Seven out of ten stars from Sonia. Six out of ten stars from me for Trader Joe's Panzerotti Pizza Bites.

Bottom line: 6.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Pink Lady Apple Chips

Seems like red delicious and golden delicious were en vogue when I was a kid. Now, it's Honeycrisp and Pink Lady that seem to get all the attention in the red department. Granny Smith is pretty decent if you want a tart green flavor, but Pink Lady is a fine choice for a sweet chip kinda snack.

Let's go ahead and get the negatives out of the way first since there really aren't many of them. First, there's canola oil in the ingredients. I maintain that I don't consume enough canola oil for it to do me much harm, but it seems like it's popping up more and more in Trader Joe's offerings, and canola oil is literally engine lubricant.

Second, there aren't enough chips in the bag. It's deceptively large and not even close to being filled with the chips. I'd say it's shrinkflation or whatever, but it just seems like a cruel trick.

But now that we've gotten the unpleasantries out of the way, it's all smooth sailing from here on out...because these chips are delicious. There's a pleasant crispy crunch to each chip. They're not too hard and not chewy or weird at all.

Flavor-wise, there's a good bit of cinnamon and sugar, but it's mostly just a sweet juicy apple taste. It's very pleasant. Not too oily, not too tart. These chips are stellar in both taste and texture.

$2.29 for the 2.5 oz bag. Would buy again. Gluten free. Kosher. Eight and a half stars from me for Trader Joe's Cinnamon Sugar Pink Lady Apple Chips. Nine out of ten stars from Sonia.

Bottom line: 8.75 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Cocoa Berry Black Tea Blend

At the time I'm composing this post, the high today will be nearly double digits below zero here in the Upper Midwest. It'll be something like forty degrees warmer by the time this review goes live. So if you're reading these words, that means we likely survived the polar vortex in order to publish this article on the interwebs. Yay.

I'm virtually never in the mood for hot beverages. I'm generally chugging a Red Bull rather than coffee even if we're talking literal freezing temps outside. But when you're looking at early morning weather in the ballpark of minus fifteen...well, then even I might reach for a steaming mug of java, hot chocolate, or in this case tea—what appears to be a very unique tea, just looking at the description on the box anyway.

And unique it is. It's not as indulgent or as rich as the name "cocoa berry" might make it sound. It is, indeed, a tea, so all the flavors are subtle. It smells more like cocoa than it tastes. There's a faint berry essence and an even fainter chocolatey one. It's a tea blend that very much favors the addition of sugar and cream in my humble opinion. Or, like Sonia, you can turn it into a latte.

It's a black tea so it's got some caffeine. There's a mild invigorating quality to the taste. I'd have this for breakfast or a mid-afternoon pick-me-up. It's nothing to write home about, nor is it anything to complain about.

I was just about to say I wouldn't buy it again, but when I looked up the price, I had to reconsider. Two bucks for ten tea bags. The cute little box and fancy presentation make it something that might be nice to have on hand to offer to guests on cold winter days. Seven out of ten stars from me. Eight out of ten stars from Sonia for Trader Joe's Cocoa Berry Black Tea Blend.

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Garlic Gondolas

I've said it many times: I'm a carbivore. Not necessarily proud of that. It's just a fact I love breads, pastries, cereals, and all manner of grains. I'm also oddly fond of garlic. I wasn't particularly enamored with it as a kid, but as I've grown old, I've come to appreciate its essence not only baked into Italian style dishes but also raw garlic for its potent medicinal properties and pungency.

Garlic bread? Of course I love garlic bread. We've seen our share of it from Trader Joe's. We've reviewed garlic bread with shrimp, bake at home garlic bread, garlic monkey bread, garlic cheese bread, and even garlic bread cheese. Can't say TJ's garlic bread track record has been particularly stellar. In fact, I think we're still on the hunt for a real winner.

If anybody knows how to make garlic bread, it's the Italians. And not only do we have a uniquely Italian product title with this item, but it is, in fact, an Italian import. So far, so good.

Bake at 425°F for 12 minutes on parchment. Done. The verdict? It's garlicky. It might even be too garlicky for some. Obviously, it's not raw garlic since it's been baking in the oven for the past dozen minutes or so. It's a decent roasted garlic flavor that I can appreciate. No, the garlic flavor isn't the problem here.

The cheese flavor is so subtle I wasn't even sure it had cheese until I looked at the ingredients. It's more like a thin layer of an oily garlic paste on a stiff slab of wheat bread. It's not crispy like Texas toast, but nor is it super soft. It's almost like the slightly chewy dough from a slice of New York style pizza but without any tomato sauce and practically no cheese.

It's not a terrible product, but it seems like it's missing an ingredient or two. Paired with a pasta dish, some marinara sauce, or a bowl of cherry tomatoes, it would be passable. The presentation is unique and interesting, but if you're playing the odds, you'll get better garlic bread from the local mom and pop's Italian restaurant.

Probably would not repurchase. Four bucks for two of Trader Joe's Garlic Gondolas, found in the frozen section. Six out of ten stars from me. Six and a half from the beautiful wifey.

Bottom line: 6.25 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Dark Chocolate Peanut Butter Cups

Can you believe that despite reviewing more than 2,250 Trader Joe's brand food products that we've never looked at their classic peanut butter cups? We've reviewed multiple types of almond butter cups and even sunflower seed butter cups but never their tried and true milk chocolate or dark chocolate peanut butter offerings.

Time to change that. I know I've purchased their milk chocolate peanut butter cups at least once or twice many years ago, but I don't think I've ever even tried this product. I've heard nothing but good things. Let's dive in.

Sonia loves that the layer of chocolate surrounding the peanut butter isn't very thick. She loves dark chocolate but thinks a lot of peanut butter cups are ruined by drowning out the flavor of the peanut butter with too much chocolate. I love that the peanut butter is super creamy and sweet. There's even a hint of vanilla in the mix which works to balance out the rich dark chocolate.

The texture and firmness of the shell is just about perfect, and the flavor combo couldn't be better. We can see why this product has been around for so long. It's a big tub with 35 or 36 peanut butter cups. It'll last you a good long time I would think, although that depends on how big your family is I guess.

$4.99 for 16 ounces of dark chocolate and peanut butter bliss. Kosher. I definitely want to try the milk chocolate peanut butter cups again next time, but we would repurchase this product at some point. Eight and a half out of ten stars from Sonia. Eight out of ten from me.

Bottom line: 8.25 out of 10.

Hardywood Joe-Joe's Chocolate Vanilla Creme Stout

Mind you, I'm no expert, but I've had a handful of chocolate stouts and porters in my day, and none really stood out to me in a big way. Can't say this one is much different except for the fancy packaging. I think I've enjoyed coffee and peanut butter porters at least as much as the chocolate ones. Then there was that beer that was both coffee and peanut butter that we found at Trader Joe's a few years back. That post was scribed by my erstwhile Pittsburgh-based colleague, but I can't say I disagree with his sentiments about that particular brew in any case.

Hardywood Joe-Joe's Chocolate Vanilla Creme Stout has a nice rich dark beer flavor with some mild sweetness and chocolate essence. It's a good bit milky, too. As far as anything cookie-esque, you really have to use your imagination. I didn't find the alcohol flavor to be particularly harsh despite a relatively high ABV for beer: 9.2%.

I didn't do the pro bartender pour in the video since I was recording with my other hand, but the beer still managed to fill my pint glass without an excessive head—just a nice layer of light tan on top of the deep dark brown body. No major complaints. The chocolate beer paired well with peanut butter pretzels and yielded a vaguely Reese's-esque flavor combo.

Not sure how we wound up with the moniker "Joe-Joe's" on the can but not the Trader Joe's logo. I imagine the Hardywood boss guy was like, "If we're gonna brew this stuff for you, how many times do you really need your name on the package? You get two instances of 'Joe' and then 'Hardywood' gets top billing, and that's my final offer."

Big Joe liked the product well enough that he shook hands on the deal. We like the brew well enough, too. $3.75 for a single pint or fifteen bucks for a four pack. Seven and a half stars from both Sonia and me for Hardywood Joe-Joe's Chocolate Vanilla Creme Stout.

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.