Trader Joe's Pumpkin Overnight Oats

Pumpkin Overnight Oats, hereinafter referred to as POO, was never going to be a contender for the hallowed halls of the Pantheon on this blog. I'll give anything the old college try, but I'm starting to see a pattern here. Super indulgent desserts that go the pumpkin pie route can totally work. I'm thinking Trader Joe's Pumpkin Spice Sheet Cake. Savory stuff that sticks to a squashy, herby essence is also a safe bet. Just one example would be Trader Joe's Fall Harvest Salsa. Products that get slathered in pumpkin pie spices and pumpkin puree while still trying to maintain an air of wholesomeness and healthiness like this one? Ehhhh. Those usually miss the mark in my opinion.

On one hand, the POO is thick and full of whole grain oats, much like TJ's other overnight oat offerings. It's $1.99 for the single serving cup. It's not a terrible value. It's filling. It's unique.

But on the other hand, I don't think the pumpkin spices and pumpkin puree really work in this application. You can get away with throwing things like apples and peanut butter into oatmeal, but would you really ever want to throw a piece of pumpkin pie into your oatmeal? I doubt it. I wouldn't.

Sonia isn't as turned off as I am. And honestly, I thought there was a good chance this would be so bad that I'd gag and spit it out of my mouth. It's truly not that awful. I could finish it by myself if I had to. I just don't think either of us would ever buy it again.

Kosher. Gluten free. Keep refrigerated. Sonia will go with seven out of ten stars on Trader Joe's Pumpkin Overnight Oats. I'll throw out five stars for the POO.

Sonia's score: 7 out of 10.

Nathan's score: 5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Chicken Sausage Breakfast Bowl

Just trying a different format here. Most of this review was done on the fly in the YouTube video below, but I'll throw out some bullet points in this written post.

Pros: plenty of chicken sausage. Convenient. Filling. Product has a nice blend of salt and pepper flavors in the background.

Cons: the sausage comes in huge slabs rather than crumbled, and it has too much fennel flavor. There's not enough cheddar cheese. The plastic film didn't want to come off of the bowl easily. $4.29 is a little too much money considering the size and quality of the product. 

If you're in a pinch, it'll do the job for a quick and easy breakfast (or lunch) particularly if you're super hungry. Probably wouldn't buy Trader Joe's Chicken Sausage Breakfast Bowl again.

Bottom line: 6.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Mango Sticky Rice Crisps

I realize we're a little late to the party with these mango sticky rice crisps, but we've had a bag sitting in the pantry waiting for review for a month or two now, so better late than never, right? They're still a long ways before their expiration date, and they've been sealed up the whole time. I assume this review will be relevant for summer 2025 and beyond...or will TJ's discontinue the item?

Hard to say. Speaking of "hard," these circular snacks are somewhat hard to chew. The rice is fine. It's crispy and brittle just like you'd assume from a rice "crisp" or a rice cake. But the mango is dried and it's pretty tough. Fortunately, most of the pieces are very small. They're like pebble-sized pieces of mango infused into discs that are roughly quarter-sized in terms of diameter and about a quarter inch thick.

The flavor is amazing. It's very similar to real mango sticky rice. The sweetness level is just about perfect and there's plenty of mango taste. There's even real mung beans and coconut milk in the mix. No complaints there.

Unfortunately, half the pleasure of mango sticky rice is the soft, creamy texture. It can be somewhat chewy, but there's nothing tough or leathery in the original dish. I feel like a jerk being critical of such a delicious snack, but I just wish there were some way to soften those mango pieces a bit. I'd almost prefer a refrigerated version that used fresh mango instead of dried mango.

Still, if you have mandibles of steel or a really great dental plan, I won't tell you not to buy these because they taste great. I'll go with something like 7 out of 10 because the flavor would get a 9 and the texture'd be more like a 5.

Sonia gives Trader Joe's Mango Sticky Rice Crisps seven out of ten as well, but she's not quite as thrilled with the taste as I am. $3.29 for the resealable 4.5 oz bag. Product of Thailand.

Bottom line: 7 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Hashbrowns

POE-TAY-TOES. Boil 'em, mash 'em, stick 'em in a stew. You can make hash browns out of 'em, too. Taters really are versatile. Quick question, though: is "hashbrowns" one word or two? Seems Trader Joe's can't make up their mind on the issue. We reviewed a Shredded Hash Browns product many years ago, and back then it was a two word phrase whereas now it's a single compound word.

Not that this is a new item. In fact, this iteration may pre-date that shredded offering mentioned above. It's been around for a long time because it's an excellent product. I'm finally enthusiastic enough about it to give it a solid review thanks to the advent of the air fryer. Heated on the skillet, these morsels are good. Heated in an air fryer, these morsels are great.

They're crispy, slightly oily, and full of delightfully hearty potato flavor. These are some of the best hashbrowns Sonia and I have ever had. We've purchased this product a few times over the years. Not sure why we didn't review it sooner.

To circle back to the question I asked in the opening paragraph of this review, I'm just going to go out on a limb and say that "hashbrowns" taste better when they're spelled as a single word, so we should all just spell it that way from now on. $2.79 for ten potato patties made with Idaho potatoes, found in the frozen section. Twenty-eight cents per hashbrown? That's a ridiculously good value. Nine out of ten stars from the beautiful wifey and me for Trader Joe's Hashbrowns.

Bottom line: 9 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Unexpected Cheddar Cheese & Turkey Sausage Egg White Bites

When I complain about these egg bites being too small and too expensive, Sonia is quick to remind me that they sell pretty much the same thing at Starbucks for nearly double the $3.49 price tag at Trader Joe's.

And while I'm complaining, let me just say I wish there were a whole egg version of this product. Sure, egg yolks have some cholesterol, but it's good cholesterol. I always feel like I'm missing something when I eat yolkless egg.

But now that I've gotten those trivialities off my chest, let me say that all things considered, I like these egg bites quite a bit. You can't beat unexpected cheddar in the cheese department. If I'm gonna eat sausage, I prefer turkey sausage, so there's that. It's nicely spiced and flaunts a rich, savory flavor, even though the sausage pieces are quite tiny by my standards.

It's undeniably unexpected cheddar we're tasting here, but there could always be more of it. Littles pieces of vegetables wouldn't have been unwelcome, either. These aren't the first egg bites we've looked at on this blog. See: the spinach and kale variety from about a year ago. Those greens worked well in egg bites, although, all things considered, I have to admit I like this version just a tad more.

Sonia will give Trader Joe's Unexpected Cheddar Cheese & Turkey Sausage Egg White Bites eight out of ten stars. That sounds about right. Gluten free. Made with eggs from cage free hens. We would buy these again.

Bottom line: 8 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Chile Crackers

Aside from some aesthetically-pleasing packaging and the fact that I generally enjoy spicy foods, these crackers don't seem particularly alluring to me. They're being prominently displayed at TJ's stores and on traderjoes.com right now, but I'm still a bit skeptical. Can a cracker flaunt a nice crunchy texture while simultaneously delivering wheaty goodness and peppery heat?

Meh. Sorta. They're oddly dense. They're not like super light wafery crackers. They remind me a bit of the recently-reviewed Savory Squares in terms of density and overall texture, but those were made with tapioca and almond flour primarily and these are wheat-based.

Upon first bite, they don't seem very spicy. I must admit the pepper builds up on the tongue after munching on a full cracker or two but I wouldn't have minded a good bit more chile pepper flavor. 

There's also tomato powder listed in the ingredients, but I wouldn't say they taste tomatoey either. It's just a dull, dry, salty wheat flavor with a modest amount of heat.

My favorite Trader Joe's brand crackers in recent memory are definitely the Green Olive Flats, which provided us with a pleasant surprise. Despite both Sonia and I loving spicy, peppery foods, I don't know if we'd pick these up again. 

I love the concept here but I don't love the execution. I guess you could say I have a love-hate relationship with these crackers.

$2.99 for the 5 ounce box. Product of the United Kingdom. Sonia gives Trader Joe's Chile Crackers seven out of ten stars. I guess that's about right.

Bottom line: 7 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Everything but the Bagel Cheddar Cheese

This everything but the bagel phenomenon is getting out of hand. Why can't we just put classic EBTB on our own cheese, Trader Joe? You don't trust us to do it properly? I suppose it's nice to have it pressed right into the wheel already. It would be tedious to sprinkle the proper amount on every single bite of cheese, wouldn't it? Some of these products were better than others, but I know it was convenient to have it pre-applied to a few other things throughout the years:

Trader Joe's EBTB Greek Yogurt Dip

Trader Joe's EBTB Nut Duo

Trader Joe's Everything Ciabatta Rolls

Trader Joe's EBTB Smoked Salmon

Trader Joe's EBTB Potato Chips

Trader Joe's Everything Bagel Chips

Trader Joe's EBTB Crackers

Ridiculous, right? Anyway, TJ's keeps making them and we keep buying them, so there's no end in sight. Today we're looking at cheddar cheese. Pretty hard to mess that up, right?

We tried it plain first just to see what we're working with here. It's good. I thought, if anything, the EBTB wouldn't be strong enough and I'd want more of it. It's pretty well-represented here, honestly.

There's a significant garlic element in the EBTB cheese. Fortunately, Sonia and I absolutely love raw garlic, black garlic, cooked garlic, garlic butter, garlic mayo, garlic bread, and...well, you get the idea. I'd be wary of eating this during a work lunch since it might make your breath a tad funky.

Other than that, have at it. Provided you like cheddar cheese as well as the garlic and onion vibe you get from EBTB, I can't imagine people disliking this product. It makes plain old cheddar cheese seem super gourmet. Sonia and I will try this with chicken, pasta, sandwiches, and melted over veggies.

It's some of the best tasting cheese I've had in a long time. I give Trader Joe's Everything but the Bagel Cheddar Cheese 9 out of 10 stars. Sonia will give it a perfect ten. $4.99 for the 8 oz wheel.

Bottom line: 9.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Hot Smoked Salmon Fillet

Sonia and I grabbed this product from the fridge at TJ's in haste, neither of us remembering that it had already been reviewed on this blog. In our defense, it's been over five years since the post went up, and we weren't the ones that reviewed it.

I thought about simply bumping that old post and plopping a short video at the bottom, but I think I'll just let that one stand on its own since we've got a significantly divergent take on this item. If you care to read the review from my esteemed former colleague just click here:

Trader Joe's Hot Smoked Salmon Fillet Take One

It's quite possible suppliers have changed in the past five years or that the quality of the fish has improved or simply that my erstwhile Pittsburghian counterpart "got a bad batch," but we found a much smaller layer of dark gray salmon next to the skin on our specimen. Also, we found our salmon to taste pretty good overall.

My biggest gripe would be that the smokey flavor was just a little overbearing. Some folks love that smokey flavor, but I can only tolerate it in moderation. Sonia was fine with the smokiness here.

We found a salmon spread recipe on thekitchn.com involving this salmon, mayo, onions, and lemon/lime juice. That combo was absolutely superb. The acidity of the lime juice and the creaminess of the mayo counterbalanced the smoke flavor nicely, and it made an extremely satisfying appetizer that actually wound up being our dinner.

We finished the product in a single sitting that way, serving the salmon spread on both water crackers and white rice. Get a look at the actual product by checking out the YouTube Short below.

$8.99 for the 6 ounce ready-to-serve package. In the end, I'd prefer unsmoked salmon for most situations, but this product is convenient and has plenty of potential when mixed with other ingredients. Would buy again. Seven and a half out of ten stars from me. Eight and a half out of ten stars from Sonia.

Bottom line: 8 out of 10.

Leelanau Cellars Witches Brew

When we lived in the Philly area, Sonia and I attended this Christmas village they do right in Love Park in Center City. It was a very cold evening and there were even a few snowflakes in the air. Enchanted by the beauty of the lights and Yuletide decorations, the beautiful wifey decided to embrace the moment by sampling one of the vendors' mulled wine beverages.

Within minutes, her pulse began racing and she became very short of breath. She had to sit down and relax immediately and just narrowly avoided fainting. We might have assumed they dropped some kind of drug into her drink if not for the fact I finished the rest with no noticeable side effects.

With my help, she managed to make it back to the SEPTA train and returned to normal within a couple hours of reaching our apartment. To the best of my knowledge, mulled wine is simply red wine infused with a few spices and served hot, but to this day Sonia has avoided it due to that odd reaction.

All that to say I'll be scoring this one alone. The beautiful wifey will be enjoying a nice vanilla blonde ale while I sip on this sweet spiced red. And yes, it is quite sweet. There's even a sweet-o-meter on the back of the bottle indicating that this brew gets a 4 out of 5 sweetness score. I'd say that's about right.

It's basically a fruity dessert red with a warm blend of fall spices. From a distance, it looks like a dark opaque red color, but in the light it looks like a slightly translucent shade of light purple. The particular ingredients aren't listed so I'm merely guessing at the spices here, but I'd say I taste clove, allspice, nutmeg, and maybe a hint of cinnamon and ginger. It's still more sweet than spicy in my book, but it's definitely packing more than just grapey goodness.

I tried it hot but I honestly prefer it at room temperature. I didn't feel the need to add a cinnamon stick or anything like that, but if that's your thing, have at it. I haven't tried it chilled or on ice yet either, but I bet it would taste a good bit like sangria, particularly if you tossed some fresh fruit into your glass.

$7.99 for the screw cap bottle. 12.5% alcohol by volume. Would buy again. I'll go with seven and a half out of ten for Leelanau Cellars Witches Brew.

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.