Trader Joe's Vodka Mule

It occurred to me that in addition to some political motives, there may be some copyright issues with using the term "Moscow Mule" on the packaging of this vodka, lime, and ginger-based mixed drink. A quick search on the interzones will reveal that at least at one point, the term was indeed a trademark of some entity called "Perfect Beverage."

Although, now it would seem numerous other beverage companies do, in fact, use the term "Moscow Mule" on their pre-mixed, often canned, vodka-ginger-lime offerings, while others go the safer route, using the term "Vodka Mule." Whatever their motives were in regards to the name, Trader Joe's has opted for fun flamingo pool floaty graphics while avoiding mules, Russians, and copper mug imagery altogether. Such a lighthearted theme—worlds apart from the WW3 nuclear destruction cover art I'd have suggested were I the packaging designer.

That's probably why I'm not a packaging designer.

Sonia and I have made a couple of our own Moscow Mules over the years, usually employing the gingerrific zip of Trader Joe's Triple Ginger Brew along with vodka and fresh-squeezed limes. We liked them enough that we even bought a couple of copper mugs. I still don't get why you have to have a copper mug to drink one of these. Some say it's about temperature, others say the metal oxidizes and releases pleasant fragrances, yet still more say it's simply about presentation.

Well, friends, copper mug or not, Trader Joe's Vodka Mules are definitely not the best Moscow Mules I've ever had. They are 10% alcohol by volume, and they're only mildly sweet and limey. There's really not even enough ginger flavor, although Sonia disagrees. There's such relatively little taste, you'd think: well all the rest must be vodka...but vodka's generally in the ballpark of 40% ABV. So at most maybe a quarter of the beverage is vodka, right?

The beverage pours perfectly clear and fizzy like your typical lemon-lime soda or what have you. At least they got the carbonation level right. No complaints there.

Plus it's convenient to have them all mixed beforehand and simply pop the top and drink. But I've definitely made much better mules myself, and I'm far from a pro mixologist. Meh. We can always doctor them up ourselves: add more lime, more ginger, more sweetness.

About $11 for four 12 oz cans. I wouldn't buy again. Two out of five stars from me. Three and a half out of five stars from the beautiful wifey for Trader Joe's Vodka Mule.

Bottom line: 5.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Crab Paws

It's time for another pet treat video review. Alfred and Sadie would love it if you hit the like button on the video, and they'd be super appreciative if you subscribed to our YouTube channel if you haven't already.

Thanks for watching!

 

Three and a half paw prints a piece from Alfred and Sadie for Trader Joe's Crab Paws.

Bottom line: 7 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Snacky Clusters

Sometimes I wonder if the people who come up with these products aren't, you know, like really high when they think of ideas for new items. Truth be told, I've never smoked weed. Absolutely no judgment if you do. Honestly, I think I'd do pretty well with the stoner crowd. Those folks seem nice and chill.

I've never even had edibles. I mean, there was this one time in college when I was at a party, and I was super hungry, and this pan full of fresh-baked brownies appeared on the coffee table in the living room. I grabbed a couple because my blood sugar was very low and I absolutely inhaled them. I started feeling really funny after that. I never figured out if it was just like a huge blood sugar spike or if they were "special brownies." Guess I'll never know for sure.

So you can probably see where I'm going with this. If you've got a hardcore case of the munchies, chocolate-covered Fritos, Lay's, and Rold Golds probably sound not just edible, but incredible. When you're stone cold sober, maybe...not as much?

So I did an experiment. I had a couple shots of gin as an aperitif while Sonia sipped on wine, and sure enough, these weird, crunchy, chocolatey concoctions suddenly sounded not only eatable but downright enticing. I didn't finish the bag, but I made a dent in it for sure. Sonia was still not quite sold even after a nice glass of red—and I mean, red wine and chocolate go together better than gin and chocolate...

This isn't even the first instance TJ's has sold us chocolate covered potato chips. And of course, their chocolate covered pretzel varieties are legion. But corn chip dippers? That is a little weird. I can see why Sonia is having a hard time getting past it.

$3.99 for the bag. Three out of five stars from the beautiful wifey. Three and a half stars from me for Trader Joe's Munchies Clusters...er, sorry, Snacky Clusters.

Bottom line: 6.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Squiggly Noodles

It's funny how many Americans don't think of noodles as top-shelf, sought-after dinner fare. I know my personal bias thinks of cheap Maruchan or Top Ramen from the good old college days. They were in the ballpark of 20¢ a pack back then, and most of us that ate them did so out of necessity rather than choice. But considering the cost, the noodles weren't terrible, and the powder packets not only turned a cup of water into a savory flavored broth, but they delivered nearly a whole day's worth of sodium, too. I still eat that stuff from time to time, but as far as noodles go, it's what most of us are familiar with, and sadly, it's the bottom of the barrel.

Asian cultures on the other hand, hold noodle dishes in high esteem. Japan's ramen scene, in particular, is fascinating to Sonia and me. If you don't know what we're talking about, check out The Ramen Girl for your next romantic movie night. We've been to a couple decent ramen restaurants, too, here in the states, which Sonia is a huge fan of.

These noodles are Trader Joe's take on Momofuku and are indeed squiggly, soft, and slightly chewy. I found the texture more palatable when cooked for just a bit longer than the four minutes mentioned in the heating instructions. They contain a significant amount of sodium, as well, boasting 920 mg per serving, probably mostly from the sesame and soy sauce packet.

The sauce is just barely enough to thinly coat the noodles in each pack. When munching on the noodles alone, we both wanted a lot more of the sesame and soy sauce combo. It's pretty much just salty like soy sauce with a faint whisper of sweet from the sesame. If you were going to prepare a big fancy dish with veggies and meat along with these noodles, the sauce could easily be substituted with something else or forgotten about entirely. But as a stand-alone dish, the noodles are fairly dependent upon the sauce for flavor.

As a base for a larger, more elaborate meal, we both think these would be great. As a snack in and of themselves, these packs aren't exactly stellar. The noodles are high-quality enough, but nobody wants to eat plain noodles, and the sauce just doesn't do enough by itself. There's not even a broth for these noodles to bathe in.

$4.99 for four packs of squiggly noodles. We probably wouldn't buy these again unless we had a very specific recipe we were going to follow. As stated above, I'm sure these would make an excellent base for a big Asian meal, but we tend to score things on what they are and not what they could potentially be. Three out of five stars from me. Three and a half stars from Sonia for Trader Joe's Squiggly Noodles.

Bottom line: 6.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Ube Mochi

I neglected to post the nutrition information in the video review, so I'll post it here. And just so you're not looking at a weird skinny vertical pic in the middle of a white screen, I shall let this post serve as Ube Central, and it will contain all ube related links from our blog.

Man, when TJ's latches on to an idea, they really run with it. It was once referred to as "Purplepotatopalooza" by Mr. Shelly. I like that.

PURPLEPOTATOPALOOZA:

Trader Joe's Ube Purple Yam Ice Cream

Trader Joe's Ube Mochi Pancake & Waffle Mix

Trader Joe's Ube Tea Cookies

Trader Joe's Ube Pretzels

Trader Joe's Ube Spread

Trader Joe's Ube Joe-Joe's

I guess that's it. Did we miss any?

Four and a half stars from Sonia. Three and a half stars from me for Trader Joe's Ube Mochi.

Bottom line: 8 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Gluten Free Strawberry Muffins

Maybe I'm just getting used to it, but I feel like each time I have a gluten free muffin from Trader Joe's, the texture gets closer to normal wheat-based muffins. I honestly have to say that texture-wise, these muffins beat last week's non-gluten-free coffee cake hands down.

The flavor's nothing to complain about either. There's a good bit of strawberry taste all throughout these bready breakfast bites. There are bits of real strawberry, too. The only thing I can think of that would improve these muffins would be more and larger chunks of strawberry.

Sonia absolutely raved about them. I thought she was going to try to sneak three out of the four muffins for herself she was so enthusiastic. But no, she was nice and left me my fair share. 

Truth be told, I didn't even eat both my muffins before the best by date. Honestly though, they still tasted remarkably fresh. We'd buy these again.

$5.99 for four big, filling gluten free muffins. Folks with wheat allergies, celiac, or Crohn's disease, rejoice. Put these on your grocery list for sure. Put me down for a solid four out of five stars. The beautiful wifey will go with four and a half on Trader Joe's Gluten Free Strawberry Muffins. 

Bottom line: 8.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Trio of Soft Licorice Twists

Sonia and I got to talking about licorice the other day. It's odd that seemingly everybody in our parents' generation was somehow into black licorice—like it reminded them of their childhood or something. I'm not a huge fan of black licorice, but I'll nibble on it once in a while. I'll save the licorice flavored jelly beans for last, but I'll eventually eat them. The beautiful wifey, on the other hand, HATES black licorice.

We're both cool with fruit flavored licorice, though. In my teens in Pennsylvania, I'd go through a pack of strawberry Twizzlers during the course of a two hour movie at the theater—generally only if they were sold out of Starburst. As a youthful California girl, Sonia would occasionally partake of Red Vines.

These aren't the first soft licorice candies we've seen from Trader Joe's over the years. See: Black, Strawberry, and Berry flavors. Here we have raspberry, mango, and green apple for your snacking pleasure. So...how are they?

They feel like typical licorice—firmer than gummy candy, but still soft—less chewy than taffy, but still pliable. These licorice pieces seem oddly thick to me. They're easily two or three times the diameter of a Twizzler but not as long.

Taste-wise, I was hoping they'd be a little bolder. The mango flavor is probably the strongest of the three. I was also hoping the green apple would be a little more tart. Sour apple is always a winning candy flavor in my book.

I almost feel like I can taste the wheat flour and glycerin as much as the fruit flavor. I mean, the flavors are good, they're just not strong enough. Sonia and I both want a sour version of these with sour apple green, sour raspberry purple, and maybe a sour lemon yellow.

As it is, I think we'll throw out three and a half stars a piece for Trader Joe's Trio of Soft Licorice Twists. $2.49 for the 7 serving bag.

Bottom line: 7 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Vegetable & Cheese Enchiladas

Mexicans and Mexican-Americans like my wife eat some unusual fare from time to time. They eat cow tongue (lengua) and cow stomach soup (menudo). They eat grasshoppers (chapulines) and cactus (nopal) among other things.

I've tried lengua tacos. Not a fan. It's a texture thing. While I've had more than one stomach dish in my day, I've never had proper menudo. I'd try it, although I haven't enjoyed eating any kind of stomach ever. Not that they're my snack of choice or anything, but grasshoppers fried in oil and dusted with chili powder are not nearly as disgusting as one might think. You vill eat ze bugs and be happy!

Nopales, on the other hand, I enjoy eating fairly regularly. Sonia makes a dish with eggs, nopales, onions, and hot sauce that's really yummy. So we were excited to see nopal cactus as an ingredient in Trader Joe's Vegetable & Cheese Enchiladas.

The dish is quite mushy—almost soupy. I wouldn't mind more veggie chunks in the mix. More corn, more nopales, more zucchini, more onions, more of almost everything.

Taste-wise, I'm fine with the cheese and sauce blend. It's tangy and tomatoey, with just a hint of spice. I would prefer significantly more heat.

Sonia actually thinks these are quite bland. She thinks Trader Joe's is replacing the classic black bean and corn enchiladas with these veggie and cheese ones, and she's not very happy about it. She wants more spice, more onion, and more garlic flavor here.

While I'm not blown away, I'm not super disappointed either. I'd prefer a bit more kick and a little something to sink my teeth into, but I can see why some people are digging these enchiladas. Sonia...not so much. She thinks the flavor is a flop and would have preferred a tangier Mexican cheese like cotija.

$2.99 for two enchiladas. Two and a half stars from the beautiful wifey. I'll throw out three and a half for Trader Joe's Vegetable & Cheese Enchiladas.

Bottom line: 6 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Cinnamon Coffee Cake

Truth be told, I'm not a huge fan of coffee. I'll drink it if it's the only caffeination option available, but I'm really more of an energy drink guy. Coffee cake, on the other hand? I like coffee cake quite a bit and resent the fact that it doesn't pair very well with Red Bull.

I've ranted before that I wish I had the innovative vision to invent the world's first energy drink dunkable. But maybe I should be thinking more about energy drink cake..? What would that be like? It wouldn't be very sweet, right?

As I compose this review, Sonia is musing about the fact that this coffee cake is made with sour cream. Maybe energy drink cake would be even heavier on the sour cream and the sweetness of the beverage could offset the sourness? Maybe it would be a little salty, too. I'd call it Wake-Up Bread. Any food scientists out there wanna take up the endeavor with me? We'll split the earnings 50/50 and take the world by storm.

I'm mostly kidding of course. The idea is a bit ridiculous. Most people will want to stick with familiar stuff, not unlike Trader Joe's Cinnamon Coffee Cake. It's pretty standard coffee cake by my estimation. It's a notch above anything you might get out of a vending machine, but it's not the best coffee cake I've ever had, either. It's not even really the best coffee cake we've seen from Trader Joe's. Still, it's cinnamony, sweet, and has a slightly crunchy top and soft bread down below.

Both Sonia and I found our cake a bit dry. Like not dry dry. But not moist either. We did consume the cake before the "best by" date, just in case you're wondering.

The overall flavor here was good, but nothing to write home about. It's possible we just got an off batch or for whatever reason they changed the freshness sticker at our TJ's location. Sonia and I are both thinking three and a half stars a piece for Trader Joe's Cinnamon Coffee Cake. $5.99 for the 8 serving loaf in the baked goods section.

Bottom line: 7 out of 10.