Trader Joe's Simply Nutty Bars

My goodness...there's like a zillion different granola/ energy /Kind /fruit/ whatever bars out there these days. They're literally freakin' everywhere. At the local non-TJ's grocery store, there's an aisle and a half full of them, all different varieties.

Anyone else remember the good ol' days when there was just the variety pack from Quaker Oats, and not much else? How innocent and quaint.

I guess portable snackage is on the rise with our busy lifestyles. Like a lot of you, I'm sure, I got kids and fairly regular 10 hour work days to make ends meet. Food intake is sometimes completely dependent on what's convenient, but since I want what I eat to be healthy (or at least healthy-ish), as do a lot of folks, but everyone has their different ideas...well, that explains the market maybe.

Adding to the noise is good ol' TJ's with the new line of Trader Joe's Simply Nutty Bars. There's three varieties, of which I've sampled the two pictured, the Dark Chocolate, Nuts and Sea Salt bar as well as the Dark Chocolate, Walnut, Peanut, Fig & Date Bar. Not shown, and not tried, because it sounded the least interesting of them all, is the Dark Chocolate, Peanut and Almond Bar which comes in a orangey box. It's different from the sea salted bar mostly because it lacks walnuts and sea salt from what I can tell, so probably a little plainer.

I'd relate these bars mostly closely to the Kind variety, not just for ingredient similarity but also overall flavor and feel. Crunchy isn't the right word, at least not in the sense of those Nature Valley shrapnel-in-wait planks, but neither is crispy, nor soft, nor anything else. There's elements of all of that present from the toasted nuts, the little white crispy bally things which I never really know what exactly they are (pea protein pearls? Who knows?), and in case of the fig and date bar, from those respective ingredients.

Out of these two, I'd say I probably enjoy the dark chocolate, walnut, peanut, fig and date one more, and it's not just for the always appreciated ampersand. They're not figgy or date-y like Larabars (which I really enjoy, for the record), but instead they get reduced down to a paste that kinda fills the gaps between the nuts while adding a flavor depth, if that makes sense. The sea salt bar is pretty good in its own right, but it sticks mostly to a classic nut and chocolate mix with a trace of salt added. There's just something more to the figs and dates one.

Oh, and chocolate. Oh yes. There's a pretty good drizzling on the topside of each bar, with the backs completely dipped. And, as is custom with pretty miuch anything TJ's with dark chocolate, it's fairly high quality and tasty too - not exactly Belgian, but not Hershey's either. I'd reckon it's in the 60% dark range or so, and there's enough in there to give me the midafternoon chocolate boost I need, with enough nuts and protein to keep me from getting too hangry, that make skipping my cubicle neighbors' candy dishes so much easier.

Sandy and I both like what we've tried. We're suckers for this kinda stuff, and at $4.99 for a five pack, TJ's seems to be selling them at more than fair market price. At some point we'll probably try out the Dark Chocolate, Peanut and Almond Bar, but if you have, please comment away and let us know if we've missed something special (or not) there. We approve.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Simply Nutty Bars: 8 out of 10 Golden Spoons (both varieties)

Trader Joe's Tomato Tiropita Triangles

Rather than give you a spiel about what tiropita is and fake like I know what I'm talking about (as I've done many times in the past), I'll just link to Wikipedia for you here. But I will go ahead and simply mention that just as spanakopita means "spinach pie," tiropita or tyropita means "cheese pie." How creative.

When you first bite into these pastries, you'll notice the buttery, flaky crust, but the filling really zings the tongue with a super Greek-ish cheese flavor. At first, I thought it was all feta, but the first cheese mentioned in the ingredients is "mizithra." It's made with cow, sheep, and goat's milk so that none of the farm animals feel left out. What? No pig's milk?

The taste of the tangy cheeses overpowers most of the tomato flavor, IMHO. But if you pay attention, there's definitely a touch of sun-dried tomato up in the mix. They go together pretty well. I was thinking they should have called these "Mizithra Tiropita Triangles," because the cheese flavor is so dominant, but then again, mizithra is a type of cheese and tiropita means "cheese pie," so it would not only be redundant, but you'd lose that nice alliteration in the title of the product. And technically, since these are three-dimensional objects, shouldn't they be called "prisms" or "polyhedrons"? I guess not, since the sides of the prisms aren't perfect planes. So basically, just forget about this whole paragraph.

Sonia? She liked these even more than I did, and she also made the initial assumption that the primary cheese flavor was feta. She claims she could taste olives. And there are definitely some olives and olive oil in there, but my taste buds weren't keen enough to pick them out without looking at the ingredients...or, you know, the front of the packaging where it explicitly states there are Kalamata olives in the product. She also enjoyed the flaky crust but thought it was a bit too oily. In all honesty, that might have been my fault since I used a little oil in the pan when I baked them. I was a bad boy and did not follow the instructions exactly.

But they still came out good enough for Sonia to give them a four. I'll say...three and a half.

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Pacific Flounder with Crab Meat Stuffing

Here in Pittsburgh, we take Lenten Fridays seriously. How seriously? Just click here - fish fry season! Any Catholic church worth it's weight holds their own, though no one yet can ably explain to me why eating a giant slab of fried fish is exactly a "sacrifice." Eh well. Bonus points to any fish fry with homemade pierogi. And if you don't know what a fish fry even is - here's a spot-on comedic primer.

But...you can't always make it to one. That's our no-fry Friday last Friday. We did make it to Trader Joe's though, saw his Pacific Flounder with Crab Meat Stuffing, and in case you find yourself in similar predicament and motivation today....

Pass on by. Not that great. Not awful. But not good. All in all, this stuffed seafood contrivance is a good idea...but just lacks any taste. Like, none. No herbs. No spice. Nothing from the cheese or breadcrumbs or saucy mayo stuff or anything else listed (the label says bell peppers, we didn't spot any!).  Just soft, flaky fish of the decent variety, filled with mushy nondescript crab with the occasional crumby grit or saucy splooge.

Both Sandy and I ended up after a couple bites reaching for the brown sugar BBQ sauce we had out for our fries just to add a little something to make our dinners actually taste like something. In all, these aren't the worst things you could spend $4ish on at TJ's, but there's lots better. Maybe these could be a Lenten sacrifice.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Pacific Flounder with Crab Meat Stuffing: 5 out of 10 Golden Spoons  

Trader Joe's Hatch Chile Mac & Cheese

I think everybody goes through at least one or two "mac & cheese phases" in their life. The first normally occurs in early childhood. There's just something about cheddar cheese on macaroni that really excites a youthful palate. I myself, due to food allergies, was not able to partake of much mac & cheese back then. But after being treated for said allergies, I was a full-fledged mac & cheese connoisseur by college—when an American's second great mac & cheese phase often occurs. It's a fast, inexpensive way to break up all that ramen.

And quite honestly, I've been eating more mac & cheese than usual lately. Sonia and I have a pretty good stockpile of shelf-stable foods in case of extreme weather, long-term loss of power, martial law, WWIII, or zombie apocalypse—and since I work from home, I often find myself raiding the pantry at lunch time when we're low on fresh groceries. I'm almost ashamed to admit it, but I once stated that I preferred Kraft Easy Mac to Joe's Diner Mac n' Cheese. While I no longer stand by that shocking statement, I'll admit that I'm still not quite as fond of Joe's Diner as Sonia and many of you seem to be.

Nevertheless, despite its similar appearance and packaging, I was fairly excited to try this new Hatch Chile Mac & Cheese. And it is very similar to Joe's Diner, except—you guessed it—it includes "roasted chiles from Hatch, New Mexico." Sonia thinks the cheese in this case "tasted a little odd and different." I didn't really notice that. I thought that the chiles were a welcome addition to what was otherwise the same old Joe's Diner Mac n' Cheese. Sonia wishes there were more of the chiles. I can see where she's coming from. The existing chiles give the mac a nice little kick, but it could definitely use more of them in my opinion. We both enjoy spicy foods, and as I've mentioned many times before, Sonia is full-blooded Mexican-American, which automatically puts her in the top 5% or so of hot chile-loving Americans. I think most of the rest of the WG@TJ's team would fall into that category, too. However, it's entirely conceivable that this product would be a little too spicy for some people, which brings me to my main point about this product...

Why not just buy Joe's Diner or any other mac and cheese and add your own personalized amount of Hatch Valley Salsa, Salsa Verde, and/or hot sauce? I mean, sure, there's an extra step and possibly an extra purchase implied there, but spice-o-philes and spice-o-phobes alike can suit their own tastes in that case. With this, there's a chance you're the guy or gal this particular product is tailored to, but there's also a good chance you're not. I'll throw out three and a half stars for this frozen mac dish. Sonia will give it three.

Bottom line: 6.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Organic Brown Sugar BBQ Sauce and Marinade

If you took a listen to our most recent podcast episode, in addition to hearing some things you probably didn't want to about Nathan's and my eating quirks as well as inappropriate jokes about babies and microwaves, you also probably picked up on my excitement over the newest addition to the barbecue sauce lineup, Trader Joe's Organic Brown Sugar BBQ Sauce and Marinade. I mean, I was downright giddy. Down, boy.

Then again, if something can make a slab of tofu taste downright deeeeelish, well, it's got something going for it. Not that I hate tofu. It just absorbs whatever flavor you put on it.

All that being said, it's probably a good thing I waited a few days to declare my official verdict on this here new-fangled condimental concoction.

Ehhhhhhhhh.

Okay, it's better than that. But not nearly as good as I thought amidst all my excitable nervous hyperventilation that's now out there for all the world to hear.

The base flavor is a pretty strong typical tomato, with a heavy, heavy dose of molasses and sugar. Looking over the ingredients, I saw molasses listed probably three or four times...that's a lot of molasses. Poor moles. That makes a fairly potent base, but there's more going on than just that. Pineapple juice and little itty bitty chunks of what I presume are zested orange peel make a citrusy component that enhances and deepens the sugary tones, plus the typical spices like black pepper, garlic and cloves add some heat to the sweet. So, the sauce offers sort of a three way triple threat of multidimensional flavor, in reasonable balance and proportion, though subsequent samplings tasted a little more discombobulating than the initial encounters.

Problem is, I think, the consistency. I'm hesitant to use the words "thin" and "runny", but it sure ain't "thick" and "gloopy". While that may make it easier to use as a marinade, it come up a little short for my typical lunch of seared chicken breast bites. While other sauces, like the Organic Sriracha or Apple Bourbon, are thick enough to retain consistent flavor during cooking, refrigeration, transportation and reheating....this isn't. There was a literal pool of salad dressing-y oily runoff at the bottom of my Tupperware, leaving only a sugary sweet thin coating on my chicken. No twinge of heat. No nothing else. Kinda disappointing, I must say.

Regardless, if served right away, this does taste pretty great over chicken, or for dipping some fries in, or for whatever else kinda BBQ sauce needs you may have. Without too much stretch of imagination, I'd make pulled pork with this fairly happily. I have a feeling, though not tested, that burgers and meatloaf and the like would probably be better off with something else, though.

Still, for $2.99, it's worth a try. Sandy and I will probably pick it up now and again, for as long as it's around, despite our middle of the road take after our initial impression wore off. Take our score and split amongst it however you see fit, it'll be pretty close.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Organic Brown Sugar BBQ Sauce and Marinade: 7 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Podcast Episode 18: February 2016 New Products

In this episode we discuss several new Trader Joe’s products like Sweetheart Bark of the Finest Collection, Sriracha Hummus, Molten Chocolate and Butterscotch Macarons, Thai Sweet Chili Veggie Burger, Parsnip Chips, and more.

Click here to see the show notes.

If you like what you hear, please help us out and rate the show on iTunes.

Trader Giotto's Due Canestrelli and Trader Giotto's Baci di Dama Cookies

That checkout area is tricksy. And now it's kinda fancy, too. Gourmet-sounding, foreign-inspired chookies? Yes, please. 

I call chocolate chip cookies or any other kind of cookies with considerable chocolate components "chookies" because I'm super in-touch with my inner five-year-old. But the grown-up in me enjoyed the sophisticated European-ness of these treats and the fact that they weren't overly sweet. Did I just rip off a Frosted Mini Wheats commercial? 

The Due Canestrelli is vaguely reminiscent of other chocolate wafers I've had, but thinner, stiffer, and a little more bitter. They're highly-snackable, satisfying, and unique.

The Baci di Dama Cookies might look like miniaturized macarons, but they're more like a shortbread-based cookie with a thin layer of dark chocolate filling. They're not unlike those crispy Milano-esque cookies we looked at last year. Although, I guess these are filled with Italian chocolate rather than Belgian chocolate?? If there's a difference between the two, I can't really detect it.

Each of the cookie packs is 99 cents and doesn't disappoint in the flavor department. Sonia scores both with four and a half stars, and I'll give 'em both fours. Cheap, fast, convenient, and small enough that you can eat the whole pack and not feel completely disgusted with yourself.

Bottom line: 8.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Natural Turkey Summer Sausage

Sometimes, such as when I commented to my dad during the Super Bowl halftime that at least Coldplay was better than getting camera-slide-humped by Bruce Springsteen right before the montage started of years past and this clip played, my timing is impeccable. As referenced recently,I like the Boss and all, just, um, not like in that way.

Other times, my timing is off. Way off.

How else can I explain reviewing Trader Joe's Natural Turkey Summer Sausage right now? First, it's still winter, and there's a big ol' storm dumping inches of the powdery white death over a lot of the Eastern seaboard...Pittsburgh mostly spared yet again. Second, it's Ash Wednesday, so if you're Catholic, or like me, respectful of Catholic tradition for somewhat vague reasons, you aren't supposed to eat meat today...so here's a meat review. Right.

Anyways, on the spectrum of quality shelf stable meat consumables, summer sausage to me is a solid midpoint between the high (good beef jerky) and the low (Spam). It's not a perfectly optimal form of protein intake, but for a snack with cheese and crackers here, a hike-worthy munchable there, sure.

Narrowing down the scale even further, I think this turkeyfied take on the summer sausage stage is also fairly middlin'. It tastes just about right - definitely some good black pepper bite, good garlic, some bonus sweetness presumably from the cherry powder - but perhaps just a small step too potent. Really, if you're familiar with the cracked pepper beef and pork stick that TJ's offers, this has a fairly close flavor profile. What's different, though, is the texture. It's...not sure of the proper word. Softer? Yes. Mushier? Not quite right...but sort of. And not exactly grainy or anything, but there's a totally different bite to it, which is to be expected from a different meat. So with all the health tradeoffs of a leaner meat, to me, there is a small price to pay for the texture.

And now here is a potential controversial point here: the casing. To eat or not to eat? As a homage to my middle kid upbringing, I have a foot in both camps. Sometimes, I do, and sometimes, I do not. It depends almost entirely on my motivation and the relative ease in removing said casing. If you are in the "do not eat the casing" party, bad news: At least on my log, the casing is particularly difficult to remove. It seems extra stuck on. Now, I was able to remove it, eventually, but have tried some both ways, and I don't think the product greatly benefits or suffers from it. But in a likely cringe worthy moment, I tried some casing just by itself. Not advised.

Regardless, I'd say the TJ turkey summer sausage works. Not great, not bad, but it'll do, and not much else. Sandy tried some and kinda shrugged her shoulders, as did I. Not terrible for the $3ish bucks (I think). Just might do it for you whenever the time is right.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Natural Turkey Summer Sausage: 6 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Trader Joe's Sweet Onion & Bacon Vinaigrette

Sonia and I both like onions, but unlike our Pittsburghian counterparts, we're not huge bacon fans. Just do a search on this blog for the term "bacon," and pretty much all the results are posts by Russ. I know, I know. Unless you're vegan, vegetarian, kosher Jewish, or dead, what kind of unAmerican commie jerks don't like to eat lots and lots bacon? Us, that's who.

 

But we loved this salad dressing. Because it's mostly onions. The bacon flavor is very faint, by our reckoning. It's definitely there, but just barely.

 

Visually, using this dressing is like pouring a bunch of caramelized onions onto your salad. It's surprisingly thick and absolutely full of onion bits. There's actually more solid than liquid in the bottle here, and the dressing literally piles up on your lettuce unless you scatter the product around your salad bowl evenly. Taste-wise, it's not sweet like caramelized onions, but the texture is very similar.

 

Shockingly, this dressing is pretty subtle overall. It does taste like onions and vinaigrette dressing, but neither one is overpowering. It has neither the full earthy sting of raw onions, nor the sweet acidic zip of other kinds of vinaigrette. I actually wish it were a tad more pungent.

 

Sonia thinks it's just about perfect the way it is. We both agree it's amazingly unique and adds a lot to our salads. Four and a half from Sonia. Four from me.

 

Bottom line: 8.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Fair Trade Organic Bolivian Blend

Listen: I'm not a coffee snoot by any stretch. I mean, I can taste the difference between gas station and coffee shop coffee, between Starbucks and a respectable cup*, and I won't touch the stuff from vending machines at my job...but when I read descriptions on coffee cans, 90% of the time, I can't easily discern the "earthy" or "fruity" or whatever descriptor words get tossed on there. Light vs medium vs dark roast - sure. Much beyond that, dicey at best.

 That is, until I met Trader Joe's Fair Trade Organic Bolivian Blend.

Says right on the front: "sweet caramel flavor." Now, I drink my coffee black, nothing added...and there's absolutely something to this coffee that makes it taste like someone slipped in a small flavor shot. Without any enhancement, it's noticeable enough for a schlub like me. Darn good beans, these are. Most days, a cup or two is exactly what I need to earn the right to go home to the wife and kiddos.

I've been drinking my way thru a cannister at work over the past few weeks, and I'm impressed. If I were to pay something $2 or $3 for a decent-sized cup of it, I'd be happy....and this was pretty inexpensive, probably right around $8 or $9 for the almost-pound. Tremendous deal, especially for it being organic and fair trade. I might have myself a new regular here.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Fair Trade Organic Bolivian Blend: 8.5 out of 10 Golden Spoons
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* Not all Starbucks coffee is bad - some of their fancier ones are just fine. But a cup of their regular stuff? Tastes like the burned charred remains of some ancient coffee bean burial rite. Will do in a pinch, but far from my first choice.

Trader Joe's Thai Sweet Chili Veggie Burger

There's a song a few years old that I really enjoy named "Daylight" by a dude named John Mark McMillan. Go ahead and take a listen if you'd like. Sounds kinda Springsteen-y, doesn't it? Now, I'd be willing to bet that at least 95% of you have never heard of this song, or of John Mark McMillan, which is fine...but pretty much everyone has at least a vague idea of who Springsteen is and can recognize songs like "Born in the USA" and "Hungry Heart" and whatnot. Where am I going with this? Follow me here. If Springsteen were to release a version of "Daylight" that sounded 100% identical to McMillan's, it'd be hailed as a classic, a return to form. Dad rock fan boys (hey, me included) would be buying it in droves and Rolling Stone would probably slobber all over themselves in praise. Instead, because it's by a dude named John Mark and not Bruce, it toils in obscurity.

So what makes something great isn't always the product....it's the marketing and the packaging. Ya follow me?

Trader Joe's Thai Sweet Chili Veggie Burger (why singular?) reminds me of this thought. Sandy, who's keeping calorie tabs, scanned the barcode on the box and instead of TJ's, it popped up as a Dr. Praeger's product on her phone app. Google confirms such a thing as a Dr. Praeger's Thai veggie burger exists, and it's mentioned (although not detailed) on the official site so yeah, probably a Dr. Praeger product. Seeing a Dr. Praeger Thai veggie burger on the shelf, I'd probably pass right on by and not notice. Put the TJ's name and package on it instead, and both Sandy and I couldn't wait to give them a try. Suckers.

All that to say, it's a pretty decent veggie burger. No, it's not going to replace a regular hamburger if that's what you're in the mood for. The patty is mostly rice and carrot based, with some edamame chucked in, so they're not even going for a textural approximation here. Having one of these heated up via microwave and also one baked in the oven, in a rare twist for me, I prefer them microwaved - alittle more moist and palatably pleasing that way. The oven kinda dried them up to a crispy outside, mushy dry inside akin to veggie scrapple. Some onion chunks also add a little character here and there. For taste, it's honestly pretty straightforward, without much complexity or flavor layers like most decent Thai fare. I didn't really pick up any sweet chili flavor from the patty - whatever is there is pretty subtle and would easily be overpowered by any cheese, toppings, or bun. There's a slight bit of residual heat, but not enough to get your knickers twisted. Instead, it mostly tastes like garlic, spices, onion and greenery mixed with rice, which is nice but not quite the kick I was looking for, either.

My ambivalence towards these Thai veggie patties is easily outweighed by Sandy's exuberance. Indeed, they're practically perfect for a reasonably healthy, super easy, and fairly decently priced ($3.69 for a four pack) lunch option. Bonus points for being individually frozen and packed. We had them one night, and was going to review them, fell asleep instead...and when I went to revisit them just a couple days later, I found she had the rest for lunch. There was no twisting her arm to lay down her money and play her part on her return trip to TJ's for more....everyone's got a hungry heart. Four from her, 2.5 from me.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Thai Sweet Chili Veggie Burger: 6.5 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Trader Joe's Sweetheart Bark of the Finest Collection

Following in the footsteps of the Valentine's favorite, TJ's Fireworks Chocolate Bar, and at least one other "Bark of the Finest Collection," this timely slab of candy will kick off the month of February here on our blog. If there's ever a time to eat a bunch of chocolate, it's Valentine's Day...and Easter...and Halloween...and Christmas. Okay. There are lots of excuses to eat tons of chocolate, and nobody really needs another reason to eat more of it. But if you're thinking about gifting this hunk of sweetness to your boo or your bae this V-Day, here's what you're getting into...

It's three kinds of chocolate, heavily dominated by the dark chocolate base. Then, of course, there are the "milk chocolate gems," not to be confused with the ubiquitous "milk chocolate buttons" we've seen in multiple Trader Joe's products, which in turn, should not be confused with M&M's (even though all three are essentially the same thing). And finally, they threw us white chocolate fans a bone and carelessly slathered the product with some seasonally-appropriate pink white chocolate. I mean, the box says they "recklessly drizzled" the bar with "rosy-hued" white chocolate, but what I said basically means the same thing, right?

Right. Back to the bar. That brings me to my next point: this is actually a bar. In the past, Trader Joe's barks have arrived all broken up in chunks. Either they're trying something new, or their former shipping and receiving crews have all been fired and replaced with much gentler, attentive back room clerks. Because you have to break this one up yourself. Or just eat it like a giant chocolate bar.

It's actually a very simple product, which in my opinion, is one of its biggest strengths. I think some of the selections we've seen in the past got a little too complicated for their own good—I'm thinking Cowboy Bark in particular, but also the Cowgirl Bark to some extent. This sweetheart bark is best suited for dark chocolate fans, although it does wind up on the sweeter end of that dark chocolate spectrum. The white chocolate is detectable, but only just barely. The gems add little more than prettiness and a bit of pleasant, crunchy texture, but they can be tasted, too, to some degree.

Being someone who enjoys dark chocolate, Sonia thought the product was tasty, simple, and festive. The nice packaging and visual presentation of the product makes it a pretty obvious gift idea for Valentine's Day. Just don't expect a reinvention of the wheel here. TJ's is just giving you a large, attractive bar of dark chocolate at a fairly reasonable price ($3.99). Double 3.5's it is.

Bottom line: 7 out of 10

Podcast Episode 17: Favorite Healthy Products

Is your New Year’s resolution to eat healthier? In this episode we share our favorite healthy Trader Joe’s products.

Download the MP3.

Check out the show notes.

Thanks for listening! If you’d like to help the show, we would appreciate it if you rated or reviewed us on iTunes.

Trader Joe's Steamed Chicken Soup Dumplings

Ah, January. If you're anything like me, you know what this means: head cold season. Seriously, I've had one lingering for at least a week, and it's gotten to the point that I can't hear as great out of my right ear. Which wouldn't necessarily be an awful thing, given how my kiddos love to shriek incessantly. Except I have to spend a decent amount of time on the phone at my daytime job, usually with overseas call centers, so I have to ask them to repeat things a couple times, thus giving off even more of the impression that I'm the weird old guy at work to all my younger colleagues (including my boss, who's 26. 26!!!). I'm only 33. It's not my fault those young'uns don't know basic '80s movie references (inconceivable!), random ODB lyrics, or who Homestar Runner is.

Anyways...head colds. Fun. Even more fun when you have a newly reset high deductible HRA insurance plan that makes going to the doctor for routine stuff like this somewhat cost-prohibitive. So, as I can imagine my nonexistent Southern grandma saying, I just need to eat some chicken soup, dumplin'.

Or maybe my ears failed again, and she said "Eat some chicken soup dumplings." Well, either way, here's Trader Joe's Steamed Chicken Soup Dumplings, available in the freezer section for $2.99. Cool concept: Take TJ's mostly successful potsticker/gyoza line, cross it with classic chicken soup. So basic, yet kinda genius.

So how's it work? Not bad. These were ready to rip after about 10 minutes in the steamer basket on the stove top. There's also microwave instructions but I'm not that kinda guy. Anyways, the six of these puffed up fairly impressively during cooking (we have clear glass lids for our pots so I could watch) and they were positively puffing and pulsing. Yummmm. When done, on the advice of the box (and using a shred of common sense), Sandy and I waited a minute or two for them to cool down so biting into them wouldn't unleash a boiling gush of broth straight down our gizzards.

I won't say the dumplings tasted exactly like chicken soup. As kinda a duh-ism, there's a lot more noodle to it than usual. I will say the doughy parts straddled a good line between usual soup noodle and potsticker dough-type flavor. But there's also not a whole lot of broth, either. I mean, yes, it's there, but the box's claim of being "filled with a warm and savory broth" may be a slight overstatement. Also, the chicken...not sure what spices you all usually put in your chicken soup, but the stuff here, between soy sauce and ginger and garlic made the meat part taste almost chicken sausage-esque. Sandy agreed with that. Also, no typical soup veggies like carrots or celery. End result: The chicken soup dumplings tasted much more like a somewhat juicer version of the regular chicken potstickers than a large bite of chicken soup that inside-outted itself. 

Which, I really like those, and I'm not a huge fan of chicken soup, so overall, I'm happy. They're pretty filling and decently okay for you caloric content, etc wise - get some fresh veggies on the side for a good enough lunch on a cold day. I mean, yes, the salt content is somewhat horrific, but name something that isn't, and if that's the worst you can say about a frozen prepackaged meal, it's not that bad in my book. Not that much worse than chicken soup. I liked 'em, Sandy borderline loved 'em, so these will be a repeat buy, I'm positive.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Steamed Chicken Soup Dumplings: 7 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Trader Joe's Molten Chocolate and Salted Butterscotch Macarons

Ah, macarons, macarons, macarons...and macaroons. Not the same thing. Here's a PopSugar article explaining the difference, which was undoubtedly inspired by ignorant blog posts such as this one, written by uninformed foodie-hack blogger types. And now that we know how to differentiate the two kinds of cookies, let's take a look at TJ's latest offering in the macaron—with one "o"—category.

If nothing else, the actual product looks like it does on the packaging. There's an attractive, well-formed flaky pastry with a soft, fluffy center. Plus, the molten part is really kinda fun. While peering into your microwave, you can actually see the pastry's gooey center liquefy and slide down the sides of the product just like a middle school science fair volcano. The only problem with that is, you have to time it right. The box suggests 40 seconds. Our microwave is a little on the old and feeble side, so it took about ten seconds longer. Leave it in too long, and too much of the center winds up sliding down onto your plate; not long enough, and there's nothing "molten" at all. But if you stand there and stare at the product, it comes out pretty well if you yank the microwave door open just as the filling starts to ooze. And even I have the attention span to stand and stare at something for 50 seconds or so.

The texture of the cookie part of the macaron was a bit stiff and crust-like. It wasn't altogether unpleasant, but also certainly not the finest example of macaron texture we've seen from Trader Joe's. The filling was more like the creamy center of a toasted marshmallow, and when eaten with the outer shell, helped to compensate for the comparative dryness of the other component.

Flavor-wise, the butterscotch version was a run-of-the-mill salted caramel kind of vibe, with an emphasis on the sweetness—just a hint of saltiness. And it wasn't a particularly complex flavor, either. To be honest, I'd be slightly disappointed if I were served this dessert in a restaurant. But there's usually some taste sacrificed in a product that goes from frozen to ready-to-eat in less than a minute. Sonia liked the flavor of this butterscotch one more than the chocolate variety since the butterscotch filling reminded her of cajeta, a Mexican caramel made with goat's milk.

As for the chocolate variety, the texture was identical to that of the butterscotch, as far as I could tell. I liked the flavor slightly more in this case, as it was very similar to a brownie. Sonia wasn't as impressed. In the end, she'd just rather eat a brownie.

Apparently Russ and Sandy were not fond of these cookies at all. I don't really blame them. I certainly wasn't as blown away by them as I thought I would be, but as they are, I think I'll score them somewhere in the "not bad" range. Let's go with three and a half for the chocolate version and three for the butterscotch from me. Sonia will throw out three stars for the chocolate version and a four for the butterscotch.

Bottom lines:

Trader Joe's Molten Chocolate Macarons: 6.5 out of 10.
Trader Joe's Molten Salted Butterscotch Macarons: 7 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Sriracha Hummus

Sriracha and hummus...simple idea. Never occurred to me for some reason. But brilliant. How can it fail?

The existence Trader Joe's Sriracha Hummus puts another test to my so-called "chocolate gum theory" that two things that are great separately are not so necessarily good together. However, this is an undisputed win in my book. It's so much more Bowie - Mercury than Bowie - Jagger. Instead of having a bright red pool of sriracha in the midst of some basic hummus, the two are blended seamlessly together in this near radiantly muted orangey glowy glop, with the two flavors coming together just as well as the colors. Lots of the typical sriracha heat, but enough tahini-fied hummus bringing up the base that offers a little break from the spice storm. But still, so much bite in its smooth and creamy ways. This dragon hummus is not for the faint.

Too tasty, two bucks...too easy winner in my book. Perfect five. Sandy though? I thought she'd love it, but perhaps it's a little potent for her. After one bite, she made a face, then went right back to our alternate tub of roasted garlic hummus we had for the kiddos (their favorite). I asked why the rejection, but she just couldn't put her finger on it. More for me then! I couldn't be happier.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Sriracha Hummus: 6 out of 10 Golden Spoons.

Trader Joe's Organic Granny's Apple Granola Cereal

When I hear the words "granny" and "apple" in the same phrase, I naturally think of Granny Smith apples—especially when I see that lovely shade of light green. And although the ingredients don't specify what type of apples are used in this product (just says "organic dried apples") I'm pretty sure they're not Granny Smith. But that's not a bad thing in this case. I'm thinking Granny Smiths would have been too sour. The apples we find here are nice and sweet, and they mix very well with the organic oats sweetened with organic milled cane sugar. I was actually pretty pleased with the amount of apple bits throughout the cereal. There were walnuts, too, but those were fairly sparse in our box.

Apparently Sonia wishes there were more pieces of apple. Her comment: "I wish it had little pieces of apple in it." My reply: "It does." Her next comment: "Hmm funny I don't remember eating them. But then again I am a little weird." Oh, Sonia. In her defense, though, they do blend in pretty well with the rolled oats and other granola ingredients—visually, as well as flavor-wise. Strangely, she still liked it enough to give it four out of five stars.

It's a solid, hearty, granola-based cereal. Just think of any other granola cereal you've had from Trader Joe's or anywhere else for that matter, and throw in some dried apple bits, and that's pretty much what you have here in terms of taste and texture. Considering it's completely organic and naturally-flavored, I can't go lower than four stars either. Like Russ's last post, this product has been a mainstay on that TJ's cereal shelf for at least four or five years now—but we just tried it for the first time this past week and we're here to tell you that it's worth a purchase. It just might wind up on your grocery list week after week.

Bottom line: 8 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Triple Berry-O's

Sigh.

I had this completely, totally, fun, cute idea for this review of Trader Joe's Triple Berry-O's. Basically, it was going to a review from the standpoint of my three ("an' a haff!", as she proudly exclaims) year old of what I thought was her favorite cereal. I'm talking in-depth review and analysis, complete with bite-by-bite play-by-play, with telestrator and all. Might have even called Madden out of retirement for it.

But...M, in typical three an' a haff year old attitude, completely refused. Come to find out, she's more intrigued these days by "grandma crunchers wif brown sugar an' milk on dem" (i.e., Corn Chex) or "Corn Chex, cuz dey have corn on dem" (i.e., Kix - see the box) or Rice Krispies (no cute name for those) these days. When we ran out of all of those and had only Berry-O's left was she reluctantly willing to have them for breakfast once more. It helped that I fibbed that we were out of waffles and bread for toast. I swear, she used to eat an entire box, by herself, every week or so, not all that long ago.

Might be a good thing, though, because her food critic skills are AWFUL. I gave her a simple test, like Chef Ramsay's "Chicken, beef or pork?" taste test, only it was "blueberry, strawberry, or raspberry." I gave her a bite with one of each berry in it with her eyes closed, and asked her what berry she tasted. After the blueberry bite: "Nothin'!" This is after she said blueberry was her favorite. After raspberry: "Blueberry!" She did manage to get the strawberry, right, though, probably because of shape more than anything else.

Anyways, the TJ triple berry O's are pretty straightforward. I like the O's part - simple, basic honey oat munchers, like any other store brand. It's one of my favorite cereals, non-Cocoa Pebbles division. But, to be honest, I hate the berries part. Like any freeze dried fruit, they're too strong, too sweet, too acidic almost, too sugary, too jarring with the rest. If there's going to be fruit in my cereal, it's got to be fresh, because at least then I'll get that from an actual piece of fruit, not the dried up remaining shell of one. At least I'd say the box is 90% O's, 10% fruit (at most) so it's not anything to make too big a fuss out of.

Naturally, the berries are my kids' favorite part, so I can pick them out of my cereal, give the berries to them, win Best Daddy Ever award, not miss out on anything I like, and be left with a bowl of cereal I'm perfectly content with. Seriously, the look on their eyes when I give them a berry would look just like mine if you gave me a hundred dollar bill.

In M's words, "I used to like them, but now I only like dem a lil' bit." That's because "dey make me sticky." I'm not sure what she means either. When I asked her how many spoons she wanted to give them, she just grunted then asked if she could wear her jammies all day and when she could watch Daniel Tiger. Eh well. For $3.29, the O's were quite a regular pick up for us, and I get the appeal of them. Bonus points for being fairly nutritious and no silly cartoon characters or movie tie-ins. I recommend giving 'em a try.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Triple Berry O's: 7 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Trader Joe's Organic Fair Trade Espresso Dark Chocolate Baton

Two of these happy little bars ensnared Sonia at the checkout counter on her last TJ's run. She enthusiastically devoured hers before she even got it home. She suggested that I try mine immediately. She even mentioned it on our last podcast episode and gave me an ultimatum to eat my bar by the following day.

But my bar sat on the counter for the better part of a week. That's not a testament to my willpower, believe me. That's a testament to the fact that dark chocolate and espresso doesn't really excite me that much. I finally tried one of the detachable sections and thought, "Yeah I can totally see how Sonia is into this." The remainder of the bar lay dormant on the counter for the next few days. I offered it to Sonia and she politely declined and said she might eat it later. That probably IS a testament to her willpower in that, apparently, she has some.

I ate about a section per day for the next three or four days. I don't remember how many sections the bar had exactly...somewhere between four and six I'm pretty sure. But I found that for me, it hit the spot most when I was getting into my post-lunch afternoon coma and needed a little shot of caffeine and sugar. If you're into chocolate-covered espresso beans, you'll surely enjoy this firm, crispy candy bar. There's plenty of dark chocolate flavor and there are tiny, crunchy espresso bean bits all through it. Sonia gives it four and a half stars and I'm torn between three and three and a half. I'll go with the higher score since the product is only 99 cents and I'm sure most of our readers will appreciate it much more than I did.

Bottom line: 8 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Pour-Over Coffee Brewer

I'm wiling to be shortsighted and/or wrong here, but I have a hard time seeing the practicality of the new Trader Joe's Pour-Over Coffee Brewer. Not that I'm entirely sure how it works...seems to be some sort of disposable filtered plunger-less French press-esque contraption. But, for a single serving, look, it's silly. "Backpacking!" you may say. I had that thought as well...but then thought of all the excess material to pack in/pack out, along with the cost (somewhere between $1.50 and $2 each), you'd be better off with a French press mug if you're a serious hiker, or something like Starbucks Via for the occasional hiker. Maybe if you're car camping for the night...maybe. I wouldn't pull this out at the office, and I have at least four coffee makers at home that I can think of...this seems silly.

Although, it's decent coffee. Just straight up black, doctor however you wish (if at all). It's better than Starbucks Via/any other instant coffee that comes to mind...since this is actual brewed coffee. And I don't mind Via, not because it's great, but because anything tastes better in the Great Outdoors (as opposed to the Typical Corporate Cubicle, the Reliable PreOwned Hyundai, or the Kitchen In Desperate Need of Remodeling). Nothing fancy, not all that much character to it that's absolutely distinctive. Just plain ol' coffee, better than gas station coffee (though in the same price ballpark) and much better than Wendy's (worst coffee I've ever had!), but more of a fuss to make between pouring in hot water, etc. It'll get you warm and caffeinated on some fairly reasonable terms, which as good as it gets sometimes with ultra-mobile coffee.

Solid but unspectacular. But there may be something to this particular set-up that I'm whiffing on, so if I am, please fill me in!

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Pour-Over Coffee Brewer: 6 out of 10 Golden Spoons.

Trader Joe's Convivial Cookie Collection

Someone in TJ's marketing department was paying attention during vocab. The word "convivial" just means friendly, agreeable, or enjoyable. I've only heard it used once or twice in my whole life during casual conversation, but hey, it adds to the alliteration in the title of the product. And alliteration is clearly convivial to the cochlea, don't you concur?

Leave it to Trader Joe's to combine trains, friendliness, and random cookies from Germany with very European-sounding names in a way that doesn't make any sense...and yet still there's this inexplicable impression that they know what they're doing. It worked on us, right? And we've no major complaints about this product, either. When they say 24 cookies in the box, it's not a trick in this case—unlike their five-ounce tuna cans and bags of "about" 40 churros.

Each type of cookie is pretty good, although there were definitely some I liked better than others. I liked the crispy cylindrical cookies the best. It might have been my overactive imagination, but they had an almost citrusy, lemony essence about them. A close second for me were the Kit Kat-esque wafers covered in dark chocolate. I might have liked them even more if they were covered in white chocolate, but the dark kind worked just fine in this case. I'd also say the same about those butter cookies with choco-fied edges. Those were my third favorite. In fact, if you look at the picture, Trader Joe's conveniently laid out the cookies from left to right in the order that I like them.

Overall, Sonia liked the cookies even more than I did. Plus, she was a huge fan of the nonsensical train-themed packaging and clever quips spoken by the cookies, like when the circular coconut cookie says, "I'm always around" on the back of the box. Her favorite cookie is the one with the knight from a chess set on it. Sure, the knight is made of white chocolate, but there's barely enough to taste it at all, especially considering it's surrounded on all sides by dark chocolate. She liked that there were seven different cookies to choose from, and that when you tired of one kind, there were still others to try. She gives this product four stars.

I can't get super excited about the packaging in this case, and I'm not really the biggest dark chocolate-covered cookie guy in the world, but I must admit that for $3, these are high-quality selections of confections. Three and a half from me.

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.

Episode 16: New Dec 2015 - Jan 2016 Products

Listen to us chat about some brand new stuff coming out on Trader Joe's shelves!

MP3!

Show notes!