Trader Joe's Buffalo Style Chicken Meatballs

Right out of the gate, the flavor of Trader Joe's Buffalo Chicken Meatballs hits that familiar buffalo sauce profile: tangy and a little garlicky with a gentle cayenne kick. The heat level is pleasantly restrained, landing somewhere around a three or four out of ten, which makes these approachable even for folks who don’t normally chase spicy foods. I’m actually on record saying buffalo flavor isn’t usually my thing, but these meatballs are genuinely tasty.

Texture is another big win here. The meatballs are tender without being mushy and hold together nicely whether you heat them in the air fryer. They’ve got that satisfying bite that makes them feel hearty rather than processed. Bonus points: they’re gluten free, which makes them a convenient option for anyone avoiding wheat.

One interesting twist is the Monterey Jack cheese mixed into the meatballs. It’s not intrusive or overly cheesy, but it quietly does its job by mellowing the sharp edges of the buffalo seasoning. The result is a balanced flavor that keeps the buffalo vibe intact while smoothing out the heat and acidity.

We kept things simple this time around and served them low-carb appetizer style with celery sticks and ranch dressing—basically buffalo wings without the bones. Honestly, they capture that same classic flavor combo but might actually be easier to eat.

While they’re great on their own, these meatballs feel like they’re begging to be used in other dishes. They would absolutely shine in a toasted sub, sliced into a buffalo chicken salad, or tossed over a rice bowl with veggies and maybe a drizzle of ranch...or even blue cheese if that's your thing.

Compared to Trader Joe’s Pineapple Teriyaki Chicken Meatballs, we like these at least as much. The teriyaki version is delicious but definitely on the sweeter side, while the buffalo meatballs feel more versatile and adaptable to different meals. If you like buffalo flavor, even casually, these are an easy pickup and a fun twist on the classic wing experience.

Sonia gives Trader Joe's Buffalo Chicken Meatballs eight and a half out of ten stars, while I’m right behind her at eight out of ten.

Bottom line: 8.25 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Toasted Coconut Mini Sheet Cake

If you’ve strolled past the bakery section lately, you’ve probably spotted Trader Joe’s Toasted Coconut Mini Sheet Cake—a sunny little rectangle promising tropical vibes in baked good form. At $5.99 for a modestly sized sheet cake, it’s clearly aiming for that sweet spot between weeknight indulgence and “I guess we’re celebrating something?” dessert. But does it deliver peak coconut bliss?

Let’s start with the highlight: the icing. The cream cheese frosting is superb. It's lush, velvety, and decadently sweet without crossing into cloying territory. It spreads thick across the top in those signature ridges, and each bite delivers a creamy punch that honestly does most of the heavy lifting. If you’re here for frosting-forward desserts, you’re in good hands.

The cake itself? Good, but not stellar. It’s moist, tender, and pleasantly sweet, with a soft mouthfeel that pairs nicely with the frosting. You can definitely taste coconut, but it’s not overly coconutty. In fact, it’s almost cautious. The flavor leans creamy with a gentle toasted coconut note rather than bold, beachy intensity.

Which brings us to the coconut shavings. There really aren’t that many, and they're not that big. When you put “Toasted Coconut” in the title, you’ve set expectations. Coconut lovers want texture. They want aroma. They want to feel like they just fell face-first into a piña colada. As it stands, the cake is creamy and somewhat coconutty, but this is the moment to go coco-nuts. The coconut skeptics are already sitting this one out, so why not fully cater to the fans?

Still, as an everyday dessert, this mini sheet cake is undeniably tasty overall. It’s easy to slice, easy to share, and dangerously easy to keep “just trimming” the edges of.

Final verdict? Sonia gives Trader Joe’s Toasted Coconut Mini Sheet Cake a solid seven and a half out of ten stars. I'll go with seven out of ten. Amp up the coconut, and this could be an eight and a half without breaking a sweat.

Bottom line: 7.25 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Garlic Butter Irish Potato Chips

If you’ve ever wondered what would happen if pub chips got a passport and a culinary degree, allow me to introduce Trader Joe’s Garlic Butter Irish Potato Chips. For $2.99, you get a 5.5 oz bag of ridge cut chips imported straight from Ireland, and they absolutely taste like they flew first class.

At first glance, you might expect something similar to sour cream and onion potato chips. And yes, there’s that familiar creamy, savory vibe. But these are more refined—like sour cream and onion that studied abroad for a semester and came back quoting poetry. The buttery richness hits immediately. These chips are unapologetically buttery. Not greasy. Not heavy. Just smooth, savory decadence that feels borderline gourmet.

Interestingly, the garlic plays it cool. It’s not loud or sharp on the initial crunch. Instead, it sneaks in during the finish, lingering pleasantly after you swallow. It’s a slow-burn garlic experience. It's subtle on the attack, confident at the end. That delayed garlic pop keeps you reaching back into the bag "just to confirm" it’s really there.

Texture-wise, Trader Joe’s Garlic Butter Irish Potato Chips absolutely deliver. They’re ridge cut, giving them that satisfying crunch and structural integrity. These aren’t fragile, whisper-thin chips. They’re sturdy without being jaw work. In fact, we had these bouncing around in the car on a fairly long ride, and virtually none of the chips were broken. Now that’s engineering.

As for pairings? These would be phenomenal alongside fried fish, especially if you’re leaning into the Irish theme. They’d also hold their own next to a good Reuben sandwich, as well. Honestly, if a gourmet restaurant decided to throw a curveball and serve top-shelf potato chips as a side, they might taste exactly like this.

In the end, Trader Joe’s Garlic Butter Irish Potato Chips are rich, refined, and surprisingly balanced. Sonia gives them nine out of ten stars. I'll throw out eight and a half on this one. For three bucks, that’s a buttery bargain with a charming Irish accent.

Bottom line: 8.75 out of 10.

$400 Haul of Fame, March 2026

So this is our first official Trader Joe's haul video. We've obviously done many, many Trader Joe's hauls throughout the years but this is the first time we've actually gone through each thing we bought on video. We bought dozens and dozens of items, lots of which are new, lots of which are oldies but goodies.

Many of the things we bought have already been reviewed here on the blog. Many will be reviewed in the coming weeks and months. If there's anything in the video that you'd like us to review sooner than later, drop us a line in the comments section.

Wish Farms Pink-A-Boo Pineberries

If you’ve spotted Pink-A-Boo Pineberries at Trader Joe’s and thought, “Why are those strawberries so pale?” Relax. They’re not unripe. They’re just fancy.

For $5.99, you get a 10 oz package of these creamy whitish, pinkish berries that look like they should be sour but absolutely are not. Pink-A-Boo Pineberries are intentionally pale, and that ghostly complexion is part of their charm. They’re marketed as pineapple-flavored strawberries, and while I wouldn’t say they taste exactly like pineapple, they are exceptionally sweet with a bright, tropical vibe.

The flavor is delicate and candy-like. They're less tart than traditional red strawberries and more mellow overall. If you go in expecting a full on pineapple impersonation, you might be confused. But if you approach them as a special strawberry variety with a unique sweetness and subtle tropical notes, you’ll be pleasantly surprised.

Sonia loved the pineberries in yogurt. Image from Google Gemini.

These pineberries are reportedly non-GMO and are a hybrid of Japanese and Florida strawberry varieties developed at the University of Florida. So yes, there’s some legit horticultural wizardry behind that pale exterior. This particular produce comes from a company called Wish Farms.

Texture-wise, they’re juicy and tender, similar to conventional strawberries, though we found them slightly softer. They’re fantastic straight out of the container, and that’s exactly how they disappeared in our house. Sonia was especially enthusiastic about them. She liked them even more than I did. That said, I somehow managed to eat quite a few myself. They lasted exactly one day before we polished off the entire package.

Are Pink-A-Boo Pineberries worth $5.99? If you’re a strawberry fan looking to try something a little different, absolutely. They’re sweet, novel, and undeniably snackable. Available at Trader Joe's but not exclusively at Trader Joe's.

Final score: Sonia gives them eight out of ten stars, and I agree with a solid eight out of ten as well. Not quite pineapple in my humble opinion, but definitely a berry worth meeting.

Bottom line: 8 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Irish Coffee

With St. Patrick’s Day just around the corner, Trader Joe’s Irish Coffee feels like a festive bottle to grab while you’re stocking up on soda bread and shamrock-shaped sweets. Priced at $9.99 for a 375 mL bottle, it’s an approachable seasonal sipper that promises coffeehouse vibes with a boozy kick.

First impressions? Sonia nailed it: “It tastes like real brewed coffee…that’s been sitting in the carafe for a while.” That description is oddly specific...and oddly accurate. The coffee flavor leans more diner drip than fresh-pulled espresso. It’s slightly bitter, a touch stale tasting, but undeniably authentic in its brewed coffee character.

Where things get interesting is the balance. At 20% ABV, this isn’t just coffee with a whisper of whiskey. The Irish whiskey presence is stronger than expected, and the sweetness is dialed up more than we anticipated, too. It’s surprisingly sugary, which makes it quite palatable despite the assertive alcohol. It packs a punch but it’s nowhere near as intense as straight Irish whiskey. Think “spirited dessert drink” rather than “fireside dram.”

If you’re dreaming of something creamy—like coffee mixed with Baileys—temper those expectations. There’s absolutely nothing creamy about this bottle. It’s sweetened coffee and whiskey, full stop. Of course, you can add your own cream (and honestly, you probably should if that’s your vibe).

We experimented a bit. Warmed gently in a saucepan, it’s decent. Cozy, even. But we actually preferred it over ice. Chilled down, the sweetness and alcohol feel more balanced, and the slightly tired coffee note becomes less noticeable.

As for scores, Sonia gives it a solid eight out of ten stars. I land at seven out of ten. Averaged together, that’s a respectable 7.5 out of 10.

Would we buy Trader Joe's Irish Coffee again? Maybe. But we’d probably steer folks toward Trader Joe's Golden Vale Irish Cream Liqueur (if available), actually imported from Ireland. This product is imported from...Princeton, Minnesota. Also Trader Joe's Cold Brew Coffee & Cream Liqueur was a stellar booze and java option, but again may not be available currently. Still, for a quick, festive pour, TJ's Irish Coffee gets the job done.

Sláinte! 🍀

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Simply the Best Trek Mix

If you’re looking for a sweet and savory snack that’s ready for the trails...or the couch, as the case may be, Trader Joe’s Simply the Best Trek Mix might catch your eye. Priced at $6.49 for a one pound resealable bag, this nut and dried fruit blend promises a premium snacking experience with almonds, cashews, dried pineapple, tart cherries, and cranberries. It's been on TJ's shelves for at least nine years, and possibly longer, though I cannot confirm it was around prior to 2017...if you remember it earlier than that, drop us a comment below.

Let’s start with the standout: the dried pineapple. In our bag, it was absolutely plenteous, and the chunks were enormous. If you’re a pineapple fan, you’ll be thrilled. The pieces are sweet and bold, adding a tropical punch that dominates the mix in a good way. It almost feels like a pineapple-forward snack with nuts as the supporting cast.

Speaking of nuts, the almonds and cashews are high quality and fresh. The almonds bring a satisfying crunch, while the cashews add a buttery richness that balances the sweetness of the fruit. There were no stale or shriveled nuts in our bag—always a win when it comes to packaged trail mix.

That said, the fruit-to-nut ratio wasn’t perfect. While the pineapple was generous, there simply weren’t enough dried cherries or cranberries to create the tart contrast we were hoping for. Those ruby red bites add brightness and complexity, and we found ourselves digging through the bag looking for more.

Another small drawback: the mix contains canola oil. While it’s common in packaged snacks, we can’t help but wish Trader Joe’s had opted for a different oil, such as EVOO or avocado, to elevate the ingredient list just a bit more.

Overall, Trader Joe’s Simply the Best Trek Mix is a flavorful, satisfying snack with excellent nuts and abundant pineapple, but a slightly unbalanced fruit distribution. The beautiful wifey gives it eight out of ten stars, appreciating the sweetness and quality ingredients. I give it seven out of ten stars, docking a point for the shortage of cherries.

Still, for $6.49, it’s a solid grab for your next hike...or Tubi binge.

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Butter with Parmesan, Garlic & Herb

Trader Joe’s hit the mark with this Parmesan, Garlic & Herb Butter. It’s basically a four ounce roll of salted butter laced with the aforementioned titular flavors along with lemon juice, shallot, vinegar, pepper, and parsley so you get layers of flavor immediately: sharp cheese, bright citrus, savory garlic, and just enough cracked black pepper to keep it interesting. The parmesan really sings. It isn’t shy about its presence, giving the whole thing an umami punch you don’t always get from a flavored butter.

Spread on a warm baguette and broil for a couple minutes, it becomes effortless garlic bread—crisp on the edges, rich and gooey inside. I’ve also slathered it on morning toast when I forgot to buy jam, and truthfully, the tang of parm + herb was better than I expected. Other times, I’ve dropped a pat onto roasted potatoes or mixed it with wilted spinach and hot pasta for the kind of dinner that feels indulgent without any extra fuss. Folks online are doing everything from melting it over steak to dotting it on popcorn for a savory snack.

If there’s a downside, it’s that the pepper can be a little assertive if you’re just nibbling straight from the stick on a cracker. But overall, it’s one of those small extras that makes weeknight food feel a touch gourmet. Butter it on grilled cheese, finish grilled or roasted veggies, or stir it into rice or scrambled eggs to jazz up something plain. Quick, tasty, and incredibly versatile, this is one we'll pick up again.$2.99 for the eight serving stick, found in the refrigerated section. Eight out of ten stars from both Sonia and me for Trader Joe's Parmesan, Garlic & Herb Butter.

Bottom line: 8 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Ready to Use Espresso Coffee

When I first picked up Trader Joe’s Ready to Use Espresso Coffee, I honestly thought it was just a fancy little single-serve bottle—you know, one of those “one and done” caffeine grenades you slam before running out the door. But nope. Turns out that modest-looking bottle is packing 16 shots of espresso inside. Sixteen! Suddenly that ten dollar price tag makes a whole lot more sense.

One of the things we really like about it is the size. Compared to other coffee concentrates that come in bulky bottles and hog fridge space, this one is compact and easy to tuck away. It feels efficient, like espresso should.

The label says the arabica beans are sourced from regions stretching from Central America down through South America, though it doesn’t name specific countries. Flavor-wise, it lands pretty much where you’d expect. It's strong and somewhat bitter if you dilute it with just water. That method works in a pinch, but it’s definitely not where this product shines.

Add milk or cream and it transforms completely. The bitterness smooths out, the subtle roast flavors come forward, and it becomes very drinkable. We’ve been using it primarily for cold lattes, which come together ridiculously fast. Just pour, mix, ice, done.

Sonia, our resident coffee connoisseur, even took things a step further and created a homemade s’mores latte using this espresso. Her version included marshmallow syrup, cold foam, and a drizzle of chocolate syrup, and honestly, it tasted like something you’d pay seven bucks for at a coffee shop.

Since she’s the true espresso expert in the household, I let her handle the final verdict. Her official score: eight and a half out of ten stars for Trader Joe's Ready to Use Espresso Coffee. It's a very solid shortcut for cafe style drinks at home.

Bottom line: 8.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Thai Peanut Satay Sauce

Let's talk about the Great Peanut Sauce Trauma of years past. Once upon a time, Trader Joe’s released a different satay sauce that was so aggressively fishy it basically required an apology letter to our taste buds. It was a dark era for our pantry, and we spent a significant amount of time avoiding that specific section of the condiment aisle out of pure fear.

However, time heals all wounds, and we finally decided to give the new-ish Thai Peanut Satay Sauce a fair shot. At $2.29 for an 8.1-ounce jar actually imported from Thailand, the price was low enough to gamble on, even if our expectations were safely tucked away in the basement.

The good news is that the overpowering fish sauce has been officially banished from the recipe. This new version is built on a much friendlier foundation of coconut milk and coconut sugar, which already makes it a thousand times more approachable than its predecessor.

It boasts a complex flavor profile that actually makes sense, featuring a blend of peanuts, curry, garlic, shallots, lemongrass, red chili pepper, and cumin. When we first cracked open the jar, the sauce was a little stiff. Honestly, it had the structural integrity of a chilled stick of butter, but a little heat fixed that right up. Once it warmed through, it transformed into a smooth, savory, and aromatic dream.

Since we aren't exactly the type of people who keep wooden skewers lying around for a random Thursday night, Sonia skipped the traditional satay presentation entirely. Instead, she threw together some improvised peanutty chicken noodle bowls using rice noodles and chicken breast we had on hand. We topped the whole thing with pickled julienned carrots and crushed peanuts for that essential hit of acid and crunch. The result was genuinely impressive and very tasty.

We’re happy to report that the redemption arc is complete, and both Sonia and I would definitely buy this product again. If you want to see us actually cook and eat this, please watch our video review. Sonia gives Trader Joe's Thai Peanut Satay Sauce a solid eight out of ten stars. I'll go with a respectable seven and a half.

Bottom line: 7.75 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Japanese Mini Taiyaki

Having explored the culinary curiosities of Tokyo Treat, Bokksu, and Sakuraco, Sonia and I like to think of ourselves as seasoned snack diplomats. We’ve navigated the world of shelf-stable Japanese vending machine cookies and vacuum-sealed mysteries, but Trader Joe’s Mini Taiyaki felt like a high-stakes promotion. For $4.99, you get eight frozen fish imported directly from Japan, which is significantly cheaper than a round-trip ticket to Sakai City.

This was our first foray into the actual pastry version of taiyaki, rather than the crunchy, biscuit-based imposters we’ve encountered in subscription boxes. The instructions suggest various methods of resurrection, but we opted for the air fryer—the only logical choice for a custard-filled waffle that was born in a factory and spent its formative weeks in a freezer chest.

The result was surprisingly sophisticated. The exterior transforms into a crispy, golden texture that manages to be both structurally sound and satisfyingly light. Inside lies a reservoir of vanilla custard. It’s a classic pairing, executed with a level of restraint that is quintessentially Japanese. While American snacks often aim to induce a glycemic coma, Trader Joe's Taiyaki offer a sweetness that is polite and understated.

I will note that the fish are slightly oily, as if they’ve been sweating in their bag, but it’s a manageable sheen that doesn’t require a hazmat suit to handle. You can and should eat them with your hands. If you’re feeling particularly decadent, or if you simply want to see how much dairy a single human can consume in one sitting, they pair exceptionally well with a scoop of vanilla ice cream.

Overall, it’s a very neat experience for five dollars. It’s a bit of authentic Japanese street food culture tucked between the frozen cauliflower gnocchi and orange chicken. We’ve already decided they’re a buy again item, if only to fulfill our roles as dedicated snack critics. An impressive nine out of ten stars from the beautiful wifey. I'll go with eight and a half on Trader Joe's Japanese Mini Taiyaki.

Bottom line: 8.75 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Cranberry Clementine Greek Yogurt

Trader Joe’s Cranberry Clementine Greek Yogurt is one of those seasonal items that doesn’t shout for attention but ends up winning you over spoon by spoon. It usually shows up around the holidays, and while cranberry and clementine might sound a little festive-forced on paper, the execution here is surprisingly restrained.

First things first: the texture. This is a proper Greek yogurt—thick, dense, and creamy, very much in the same league as Fage when it comes to consistency. It’s not runny, not whipped, and not trying to be a sugar-laden dessert. A single serving feels substantial and filling, making it a solid breakfast or mid-day snack without needing much else alongside it.

Flavor-wise, Trader Joe’s Cranberry Clementine Greek Yogurt strikes a decent balance. The citrus notes from the clementine add brightness, while the cranberry brings a gentle tartness. Neither flavor dominates, and that’s the key strength here. The result is a unique flavor combination that feels refreshing rather than heavy, even with the yogurt’s thick body.

The sweetness level is a little lower than I'd prefer. It's quite tangy as one might expect from Greek yogurt. It also delivers a solid protein boost. Also, shouldn't cranberry clementine be an "all winter long" flavor rather than just a holiday one?

At 99¢ per cup, it's worth a whirl at least once just to see if you'll like it or not. It’s festive without being super gimmicky, and that’s no small feat for a seasonal dairy product. Predictably, the beautiful wifey likes it a bit more than I do, but I'm certainly not hating. Eight out of ten stars from Sonia for Trader Joe's Cranberry Clementine Greek Yogurt. Seven out of ten from me.

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Bird's Eye Chile Hot Sauce

Trader Joe’s Bird’s Eye Chile Hot Sauce is here to remind you that yes, Trader Joe’s can, in fact, bring the heat. Three bucks gets you a 4.22 oz bottle of this South African import, which immediately sets it apart from the usual California-cute condiments lining the shelves. This stuff contains actual bird’s eye chile pepper—the same fiery little number that powers peri peri sauce and fuels many a Nando’s chicken obsession. If you’ve had TJ’s Peri Peri Sauce before, you’re in the right ballpark. Similar vibe, similar bright, punchy personality.

Flavor-wise, it’s not just heat for heat’s sake. It’s quite spicy, but there’s also this fresh, almost citrusy brightness to it. It pops. It wakes up your taste buds. It’s the kind of heat that feels intentional rather than reckless.

Now, let’s talk about the pour. This sauce is on the thicker side, at least compared to stuff like Texas Pete or Tapatio. At first, it doesn’t want to come out of the bottle. You tilt. You wait. Nothing. Then suddenly—glorp. A spicy blob lands on your food like it just parachuted in from Johannesburg. And because it’s fairly hot, you don’t want to overdo it but controlling the flow takes a little practice. Consider it a relationship you’ll need to work on.

Once you get the hang of it, though? Game on.

We’ve splashed it on chicken and rice, chili, burgers, pizza, pasta, roasted potatoes, eggs—basically anything that benefits from a little fiery encouragement. It plays well with everything. It’s not the spiciest thing I’ve ever eaten, but it’s easily hotter than anything Trader Joe’s has put out in recent memory. And more importantly, it tastes great. Unique. Bold. Memorable.

We’d both buy it again. Another thumbs up from both Sonia and me. Eight out of ten stars from each of us.

Bottom line: 8 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Instant Jeju Matcha Latte Packets

Trader Joe’s Instant Jeju Matcha Latte Packets are a simple, convenient option for anyone who wants a quick matcha drink without turning their kitchen into a tea ceremony. A box costs $4.99 and includes 10 single-serve packets, imported from South Korea. That puts each drink at about fifty cents, which feels more than reasonable for something this easy and palatable.

Preparation couldn’t be simpler. Empty one packet into hot or cold water, stir, and you’re done. Sonia and I tried it both ways and agree that it's slightly more refreshing iced for some reason, though in the dead of winter, the hot version is perfectly acceptable.

There’s no need to add milk, sugar, or sweetener. Skim milk is the first ingredient, and there is some added sugar, but the balance works. The flavor clearly reads as matcha without being grassy, bitter, or overpowering. It tastes like a proper matcha latte. If you like matcha but don’t want it too intense, this lands in a comfortable middle ground.

Each serving has 80 calories and contains some caffeine—roughly half the amount you’d get from a standard cup of coffee. That makes it a decent option for an afternoon pick-me-up when you want something calming without the full jolt of java. Provided you stir it adequately, the texture is smooth with no chalky or gritty aftertaste, which can be an issue with some instant mixes.

One practical bonus is the shelf life. The box we picked up has a “best by” date of July 2027, so there’s no rush to use them up. They’re easy to stash at work, keep in a travel bag, or stock in the pantry. Ingredients: skim milk powder, sugar, dextrose powder, matcha powder, whole milk powder, sea salt, xanthan gum.

Overall, Trader Joe’s Jeju Matcha Latte delivers exactly what it promises: a straightforward, good-tasting matcha latte with minimal effort. Trader Joe’s Instant Jeju Matcha Latte Packets aren’t fancy, but they’re reliable, convenient, and something we’d happily buy again. Eight out of ten stars from the beautiful wifey. Seven and a half stars from this guy.

Bottom line: 7.75 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Crispy Garlic and Trader Joe's Fried Shallots

Trader Joe’s Crispy Garlic and Trader Joe's Fried Shallots are the kind of products that make you feel kinda smug in the snack aisle. You’re not buying chips. You’re buying ingredients. Fancy toppings. Culinary enhancements. Definitely not something you’re about to eat straight out of the bag like a raccoon at midnight, although I must admit we did try both that way and they're not half bad.

Trader Joe's Fried Shallots on a burger

Anyway, both of these live in resealable bags, both hail from Thailand, and both feel suspiciously like they might come from the same magical allium factory overseas. The Crispy Garlic will cost you $3.29, while the Fried Shallots are a slightly more modest $2.49. Inflation is real, but apparently garlic still thinks pretty highly of itself.

Trader Joe's Crispy Garlic

Let’s start with the Crispy Garlic. These little guys look like almond slices, which makes them feel classy even as they’re absolutely wrecking your breath. The flavor is significantly more potent than the shallots. They’re fried in rice bran oil, and the result is deeply savory, crunchy, and wildly addictive. If you love garlic like we do, this is your jam. Or topping. Or handful snack.

The Fried Shallots are more familiar, more chill. Think fried onions, but with that shallot sweetness and depth. They’re fried in palm oil and are perfect on burgers, salads, rice bowls, noodles—basically anything that feels lonely. We threw them on a burger and immediately felt smarter than we are. They add crunch, a little zing, and zero regrets. They're also certified vegan (until you put them on a hamburger).

If forced to choose, we like the garlic just a tad more but that’s because we’re garlic fiends, not because the shallots did anything wrong. In a fairer universe, you’d just buy both. Which, spoiler alert, we would absolutely do again. Sonia will go with eight and a half stars on Trader Joe's Crispy Garlic. I'll go half a star lower with a solid eight. The beautiful wifey gives Trader Joe's Fried Shallots eight out of ten stars, and once again, I'll go just a half star lower.

Trader Joe's Crispy Garlic: 8.25 out of 10.
Trader Joe's Fried Shallots: 7.75 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Salsa Taquera

Trader Joe’s Salsa Taquera is priced at $2.49 for a 12 oz glass jar, which is consistent with the rest of their shelf-stable salsa lineup. The packaging matches their Salsa Verde and Salsa Autentica, making it easy to spot and clearly positioning it as part of the same family.

In terms of flavor, this salsa is well balanced and thoughtfully composed. It features tomato, tomatillo, onion, garlic, habanero, jalapeño, and cilantro, along with a subtle touch of mango. None of the ingredients dominate the flavor profile completely, instead they work together to create an essence that's tangy, slightly smoky, and lightly sweet. The mango is restrained and adds depth rather than sweetness, which keeps the salsa firmly in savory territory.

The heat level is moderate. It is spicier than Trader Joe’s Salsa Verde and roughly on par with their Salsa Autentica, providing noticeable warmth without becoming overwhelming. This makes it versatile enough for regular use without limiting it to spice enthusiasts, even if Sonia and I would prefer something a little hotter. Visually, the salsa has a pleasant orange color that looks fresh and appetizing.

Salsa Taquera pairs especially well with chicken or beef tacos, as well as taquitos, where its acidity and spice cut through richer flavors. It would also go quite well with fish or shrimp.

Although the name suggests a traditional Mexican origin or at least inspiration, this salsa is not a product of Mexico, so I assume it's produced in the good old U. S. of A. That said, the quality and flavor profile hold up very well even for Sonia the salsa aficionado...er, aficionada..?

Overall, Trader Joe’s Salsa Taquera is a solid, well-executed condiment at an affordable price. It delivers good flavor, balanced heat, and versatility. Would buy again. Eight and a half out of ten stars from both Sonia and me.

Bottom line: 8.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Homestyle Cherry Pistachio Pecan Granola

Look, I don’t know who at Trader Joe’s decided to start moonlighting as a high-end pastry chef, but they deserve a raise, or at least a very firm handshake. For a mere five bucks, you get a 12 oz resealable bag of Homestyle Cherry Pistachio Pecan Granola that tastes suspiciously like it belongs in a zip code I can’t afford to live in.

Apparently, this stuff is modeled after the legendary granola served at Eleven Madison Park in NYC. You know, the kind of place where the water costs more than my car insurance. But instead of a $400 tasting menu, you’re eating this over a chipped bowl while wearing pajamas with holes in them. Pure luxury.

The first thing you’ll notice? The scale of the "bits" in Trader Joe's Homestyle Cherry Pistachio Pecan Granola. The cherries: not some sad, shriveled raisins-in-disguise. These are massive, succulent dried cherries that actually taste like fruit. The nuts: they didn't skimp. Pistachios and pecans are everywhere, providing a crunch that feels expensive. The coconut: there are oddly large slivers of coconut in here. I’m talking "could be used as a structural shim" large. It’s bold, it’s brave, and I’m into it.

The sweetness comes from maple syrup and brown sugar, which gives it a sophisticated depth rather than a sugar-rush-at-a-five-year-old's-birthday vibe. Plus, they used extra virgin olive oil instead of the usual industrial-grade canola oil. It makes the whole thing feel artisanal and posh.

The one catch? The texture is generally crunchy, pleasant, and nearly perfect, but keep your dentist on speed dial. Sonia found a cherry pit lurking inside one of those giant dried fruit pieces. It’s like a delicious game of Russian Roulette. Is it a snack? Is it a dental emergency? Only the first bite will tell.

Despite the potential for a broken molar, we're obsessed. This might actually be the best granola either of us has ever had. We'd love to try the real deal at Eleven Madison Park on our next visit to the Big Apple. I went with eight and a half stars in the video review, but now that I think about it, it's definitely Pantheon-worthy. Nine out of ten from me for Trader Joe's Homestyle Cherry Pistachio Pecan Granola. The beautiful wifey will throw out nine out of ten as well.

Bottom line: 9 out of 10.