Trader Joe's Buffalo Style Chicken Poppers

Don't know about you, but I've been putting on the lockdown pounds, which I'm trying to be better about...but then something like Trader Joe's Buffalo Style Chicken Poppers comes along and somehow falls into my cart and, well, what do you expect?

Look at that picture of the front. Just looook. It's a little wedge of snacky time perfection, from what it appears, right? Oozy filling, deep fried wrapper, the words "buffalo chicken" promising that classic spicy taste...who can resist? Not me.

But wait, there's more! Silly me, calling it just a wrapper. No, friends. No, It's not just any wrapper, it's phyllo dough! I mean, mathematics and philosophy and Yanni are fine and all, but phyllo just may be the greatest Greek contribution to society. All those irresistably thin 'n crispy layers, making these poppers more of a pastry than just another Chotchki's-type deep fried dish...oh yeah, for sure.

Naturally there's only one proper way to prep these: air fryer. No question. If you don't have one, you should, and you'll never look back. That's what we did, and the result was piping hot, not-too-greasy, light and crispy buffalo chicken poppers ready to, well, pop right in our mouths.

And all that phyllo...delicious. I think I'll have another bite of it, and maybe another nibble. Good, but where's the chicken? Where's the buffalo? Where's the whatever else in there?

Oooh...there it is. Sorta.

As always, it's possible we just got a particularly stingy batch of product, but that'd be one helluva unlucky streak. So I'd rather assume that the little perhaps half spoonful of chicken and cheese per popper is pretty representative, and in my opinion it's just not quite enough filling for all the dough.

That being said, the chicken-cheese-hot sauce filling is pretty decent. Personally, I woulda opted for more a classic bleu cheese or ranch to match with buffalo chicken instead of some sort of cream cheese/Cheddar hybrid. But for what it is, it's fairly tasty and proportionate to its components. I'd also add a little more buffalo to ramp up the spice, but that's not everyone's thing, I know.

In all, it's a great appetizer or snack. Pair with a cold 'n frosty IPA for a respectable bar-at-home type experience, or just nosh on for a little classic comfort vibe, and share with a friend. I was pretty happy with just two of them, which is surprising as a serving says it's three of them...maybe I'm beginning to learn restraint once more? Watch it, lockdown pounds. Matching 3.5s.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Buffalo Style Chicken  Poppers: 7 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Trader Joe's Lemon Chess Pie

Never heard of chess pie before. Thought maybe it was like a Rosca de Reyes but with plastic chess pieces baked into it instead of a plastic baby Jesus. Nope. Although, you gotta admit that would be fun. You could play a game with just the chess pieces you found in your slice of pie, as a way to introduce an element of chance into the game. But then again, meh. I'm sure the pawns would be a choking hazard. Darn you, chess pie.

So I Googled it. Apparently, it's Southern, and it means "just pie" but with a deep Southern accent. Fair enough. If that's the case, though, then shouldn't it be "chess pah"?

This version of chess pie is super tangy and sweet. It's a delicious, mouth-puckering lemon flavor. It immediately reminded both Sonia and I of lemon bars. We both agree it's a uniquely summery flavor, but we can't really put our finger on why we feel that way. I guess it's still lemon harvest season...?

The body of the pie is a fairly dense lemon custard. It's very smooth and somewhat thick. The crust is dry and flaky, maybe mildly buttery. The crust was a little too broad around the edge of the pie. There's like a half inch where there's nothing but crust and no lemon. I didn't mind eating the crust plain, but then again, I was pretty hungry. I could see some people discarding the excess crust since it's not particularly interesting by itself. How wasteful.

The lemon factor is pretty intense. That is, the coefficient of lemonosity is necessarily greater than the determinant value of the neutrality of the crustal elements when multiplied by pi. Ahem—I misspoke. I meant "when multiplied by pie." Make sense? Get it? Got it? Good.

$7.99 for six servings. I think you can definitely get at least six servings out of this one. It's pretty rich, so a medium-size pie piece is pretty satisfying. Double fours here in honor of 4th of July Weekend.

Bottom line: 8 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Milk Chocolate Covered Peanut Butter Pretzels

Ah, the good old rule of three. If you don't know it, you know it. Anything grouped as three tends to be more memorable and make more impact in some way, shape or form, very generally speaking. Think about it....

Stop, drop and roll.

Three point shots.

Three point sermons.

Three blind mice, and the Three Little Pigs.

The Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Maria.

Harry, Hermione and Ron.

Earth, Wind and Fire.

"A cord of three strands is not easily broken."

The Chicago Bulls and their "three-peats."

And so on. These were just off the top of my head. I could likely go on all day, in which case I'd need a snack, and maybe that could be a threesome as well...like Trader Joe's Milk Chocolate Covered Peanut Butter Pretzels.

Chocolate, peanut butter and pretzels. There you go. Another classic. And true to classic form, there isn't much reinvention here. Sometimes the old standby just works. And when TJ's doesn't lean on one of their traits heavily (innovation), there's nothing wrong with relying on their other two (quality and value), which this product does and does very well.

Admittedly it's been a while since I've had them - I had the pic and my general thoughts stashed away for a "break glass in case of emergency" review if we somehow didn't make it to a TJ's recently in these odd times - but I think I can manage to be fair. As stated, nothing earthshattering here. It's simply creamy milk chocolate, better than the standard Hershey stuff, coating over a crispy pretzel stuffed with kinda stiff, dry peanut butter as is the usual. The whole thing is kinda like a Turducken, another three-inspired classic. It's tough to eat more than a few at a time, simply because they're filling and fairly rich, but tasty enough that once that effect wears off a bit it's tough to resist going back for a couple more.

The only thing I'd change, and this is regardless of brand, is the peanut butter itself. I wish it could be soft and creamy instead of the slightly epoxy-like nut matter that invariably just dries out my throat. That's likely tough to pull off in this kinda snack, and understandably so...but I can still wish it were a possibility.

For the $3.99 they cost, I'd love to buy these pretzels again and again and again but know I likely shouldn't. Invariably, I stash the bag away and eat them all within (you guessed it) three days. Deeelish. Let's buck the three convention and hit them with some double fours.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Milk Chocolate Covered Peanut butter Snacks: 8 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Trader Joe's Corn Cookie Mix

Corn. It's everywhere and in everything. It's across the street from where I grew up in suburban Philadelphia - even between all the fancy residential developments and retail shopping centers that seemingly try to devour them all, a corn field still remains. It's like the entire middle of America, right? I know that's not precisely true but it's what a lot of people say anyways, and most of us kinda smile and nod. It was on my dinner plate last night in it's classic on-the-cob form, and is most nights anyways as a somewhat sneaky food ingredient that's in almost everything it seems.

That's not all, of course. Corn is used to make everything from fuel to plastics to heck, even spark plugs these days. You can't get away from it even if you tried.

Despite all this, seeing something like Trader Joe's Corn Cookie Baking Mix was a bit of a surprise. Cookies...featuring corn? And we don't mean like candy corn, either. Like, actual real corn...as a selling feature and not just as HFCS or any of that stuff.

Apparently the concept of a corn cookie has been around for a while. I've just never heard of it, which is par for the course for me of course. At first impression and without much further research, there seems to be like a 1950s vibe to the idea. I'd welcome to be corrected by anyone more knowledgeable than me.

Anyways, the TJ's cookies. They're super easy to make. A cannister of the mix, two sticks of unsalted butter and a large egg are all that's needed to make two dozen corn cookies. Or if you're like me and can't make even sized dough balls, it might be more like 30. Anyways, just mix those all up to a smooth batter, which will likely take a few minutes - I was staring at a mishmash of crumbs for a while until it just magically came together.

Now, imagine cornbread. And imagine a decently crispy, light sugar cookie. And think of the two of them smashed together, with the graininess of the cornbread being stripped away. That's almost precisely what these cookies taste like. It's a bit odd at first but it gets more comfortable on repeated bites. the flavor comes in a wave - first, it's unmistakably corny, but then transitions to a sweet, almost creamy cookie taste. It's like cornbread but sweeter, and like a cookie but cornier. And it actually kinda works.

Naturally this got me a little curious to try a little experimentation. I sprinkled a little cinnamon atop one. That worked nicely. But then I got the courage to go bold. How do these corn cookies and, say, a little Everything but the Elote Seasoning go together? Or heck even a cookie and a pickled jalapeno? I will say I tried them both and wasn't completely offput by the experience. The pepper pairing was better than the elote eloping in my opinion, but then again, I'm not a huge fan of the elote stuff anyways. I know. Shame on me. 

It is important to note that the first ingredient of the TJ corn cookie mix is, in fact, wheat. Sorry, glutenfree folks out there.

As a whole, neither my lovely bride nor I nor our kids absolutely love or hate the corn cookies. A repeat purchase is entirely debatable and may be subject to any suggestions for other ways of using the mix. There's nothing revolting about them, for sure, but nothing that really gathers our enthusiasm either. We'll go double threes.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Corn Cookie Mix: 6 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Trader Joe's Pecan Pralines

Man, 2020 has been quite a year so far, and we're not even halfway through it yet. Has the whole world gone nuts?

Apparently, everything is happening on schedule. Earlier this year, I finished reading a book called The Fourth Turning, written the year I graduated high school: 1997, over two decades ago. This book specified that the "climax of the crisis era" would begin "around the year 2020" and would be marked by "new diseases," "cultural distress," "social distress," "political distress," "economic distress," and "military distress." These predictions were made based on the simple theory that history repeats itself roughly every 80 years. 

Look at 1940: WWII raged around the world and the U.S. got pulled into it the following year. 80 years prior: 1860, the American Civil War. 80 years prior to that: 1780, right in the middle of the American Revolution. The pattern actually goes back well before the formation of this country, and it can be observed in almost any civilization throughout history. It's an incredibly insightful read and I could go on and on for pages, so to prevent this snack review from becoming a book report, I'll try to wrap things up. My point? It's going to be a bumpy ride for a while, but stuff is cyclical, and no, the world is not nuts—or more accurately, it's no more or less nuts than it's ever been.

What is nuts? Trader Joe's Pecan Pralines. In times like these, it's nice to have an old familiar snack that you can count on to curb the munchies, satisfy a sweet tooth, and keep your blood sugar up without too much fanfare.

The pecans are a good mixture of pecan halves and smaller pecan bits, generously coated in a praline confection consisting of sugar, butter, corn syrup, vanilla, and salt. They're very sweet, moderately salty, and surprisingly buttery. Texture-wise, for a fraction of a second, they feel almost breaded when they're in my mouth. I guess that's a testament to the amount of sugar, butter, and salt that's on there.

The flavor is so potent that I'm usually pretty satisfied after just two or three pecans. Beyond that, I feel like I'm teetering on the brink of hyperglycemic shock. That sweet butter just builds up on my tongue and I need to chug a half gallon of water to reclaim equilibrium in my mouth. In light of that, I think this single tub would last me quite a while if it were just me. Sonia's quite happy to eat them all day long, however. She finds them supremely addictive.

These have been around there on TJ's candy shelf for a number of years now, at least. Once again, this is the first opportunity we've had to try them. If you already like pecans and enjoy them in a buttery candy form, then this snack is for you. I'd be okay going quite a while before we purchase them again, but I think Sonia will grab them sooner. 

A plastic tub will run you just under $6 at Trader Joe's, or....what the WHAT? You can pick them up on eBay for about $40 plus shipping?

Four stars from Sonia. Three and a half from me.

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's These Sprinkles Walk Into a Sandwich Cookie

I'm cookie-jaded. 

I've just seen way too many cookies from Trader Joe's. They just keep churning them out year after year, and we, foolishly-enough, just keep reviewing them. 

Since Sonia and I don't have any human children of our own, to get a more accurate score, it occurred to me I should hop in the car, drive into a nearby suburban neighborhood, and offer the local kids some of these Sprinkles Walk Into a Sandwich Cookie treats. And it immediately occurred to me thereafter that it might turn into an episode of Nathan Walks Into a Prison Cell if I did that. I mean, I'd have the best intentions, of course. But creepy old bald dudes waving colorful sweets around probably wouldn't be welcome around unfamiliar neighborhoods during these trying and paranoid times. Obviously we do have some friends and acquaintances with kids, but none of them are close-by at the moment. Anyway, I'm getting off the subject.

Cookies. Gosh-darn, freaking, bloody heck. Why'd it have to be cookies? Why did we even buy these cookies, you ask? Because once in a while they impress us. And when you're shopping with low blood sugar, almost anything seems like it'll be appetizing and delicious once you get back home.

So...considering how sick of cookies I am, these are another noble effort on the part of TJ's, I guess. Couldn't they make them organic or throw fair-trade quinoa into them somehow? Guess not. Sprinkles this time. Colorful, festive sprinkles—to celebrate the partial re-opening of our nation or something like that.

We've got above-average quality butter cookies here. They're not soft or anything. They're crispy, which is fine. But I always prefer soft. The sprinkles are super bright and happy, you know, if you're into that sort of thing.

But that buttercream frosting...that's the highlight for me. It's a little sweeter than I would have preferred, but there's a very rich authentic dairy cream flavor that's scrumptious. It's a fresh milky taste that I've never experienced in pre-packaged shelf-stable cookies before. That's what sets these jovial sandwich cookies just a notch above most other big name sandwich cookies I've had.

I can only eat one of these at a time. They're very rich, buttery, super sweet, and dense. They go great with a glass of cold milk. Just one cookie, and I'm ready to down the whole glass, you know, just chugging away.

Repeat purchase? Heck no. Trader Joe's will have some newfangled cookie nonsense we'll have to review before we could ever purchase these again, even if we did have a specific hankerin' for them, which, as good as they are, I don't think would ever really happen. 

To score, I'll suppress the cookie cynic and put myself in the shoes of someone that might be in the mood to eat cookies regularly. Um...three and a half? Yeah that sounds fair. Sonia? Three and a half as well. She's not as jaded about cookies as I am, and she really loved the packaging here, but she was appalled by the fat content at 8g per cookie. Her grown-up cookie-consumer insight of the day: have sugary cookies with coffee to mitigate the sweetness. Brilliant.

Seven stars total seems objective enough to me. Share your thoughts in the comments below.

Bottom line: 7 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Many Things Snack Mix

Many things. So...many...things.

Your things might be different than my things, but we all got so many things.

Well, so does our favorite grocer with the new Trader Joe's Many Things Snack Mix. Trader Joe's does many things well, so how do they do Many Things?

Might as well hit this head on: there's really no great reinterpretation of the wheel here. Just a cursory glance in the little product window on the front confirms exactly what the inspiration for this snack bag: the ubiquitous all time American classic chowtime grub Chex Mix. Hats off to Chex, really, for turning a rather mundane breakfast cereal into a snacktime staple that's as famous as it is munchable.

Cereal squares? Pretzels? Peanuts? Little bread chips? Goofy corn stick kinda dealies? Checks (and Chex) all around.

There's a couple small differences. If these were a General Mills product, they'd likely label this as "spicy honey" or some sort of alternate take on the tried and true Worcestershire original. A closer look reveals there's actually two types of cereal squares - "spicy" with a much more reddish appearance, and "honey butter" with a more subdued look. That's not to say the flavors are mutually exclusive, or even all that different, but the spicy ones are slightly spicier while the honey ones slightly more accentuate, well, honey. I don't really taste any butter, though.

The peanuts also are honey roasted, and are kinda interesting. By their lonesome selves, they're not too terribly noteworthy, but occasionally, perhaps in the right random proportion of other snacky tidbits, the flavor "takes off" a littlke bit and "grows." I don't how else to say it, and I can't easily replicate it or state what the exact mix should be to optimize this feature, but there it is.

Everything else is as expected, more or less. The pretzels taste like pretzels, the "savory bread chips" are tasty with a nice little touch of chives. As far as the corn sticks, they taste like corn and salt, no lime detected like the ingredients state. I think some "everything but the elote" style sticks would have been a better choice, but maybe that's just me.

The end result? Tatses like a Chex Mix variation, and a decent, not spectacular, one at that. A couple handfuls pair well with an IPA tall boy, so not gonna argue with that at all. The TJ's snack mix is definitely tasty enough for repeat munching, but unsure for repeat buys unless for a road trip or for a quick snack on the go.

That's about as many things as I can say about Many Things right now, except it's final score.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Many Things Snack Mix: 6.5 out of 10 Golden Spoons 

Trader Joe's Synergistically Seasoned Popcorn

synergy [ sin-er-jee ]

noun

1. the interaction of elements that when combined produce a total effect that is greater than the sum of the individual elements, contributions, etc.; synergism.

plural synergies

adj synergistic

adv synergistically

You don't see the word "synergistically" used on many food products these days. I've only ever heard "synergy" used in the context of humans working together, but I guess I see how it could be applied to culinary elements instead.

I'm down with various flavor combinations that might initially seem like they'd clash or conflict with one another such as salty and sweet, spicy and sweet, and tangy and salty, but throw them all in the same mix together with "smoky," and there's just a little too much going on for this guy's tongue to handle. I think the straw that broke the camel's back for me was the presence of vinegar in the mix. It's right there next to sugar on the ingredients list. Sweet white vinegar? I want it to work, but it just doesn't in my humble opinion.

Also, I'm not in love with the smoky element here. I've tasted "smoky" done very well, and I've tasted it done poorly in more instances than one. I question the authenticity of "natural smoke flavor." What exactly got smoked? I'm going to bet they didn't put the popcorn itself in a smoke house. It might have worked had they done that, but I'm sure it's not practical or cost-effective to smoke each individual piece of popcorn. I'm guessing it's some kind of liquid smoke or additive.

The spiciness by itself works pretty well. It's not too hot, and it gives the popcorn a pleasant pungency. I think I'd really enjoy the flavor if they'd lose the sugar and smoke elements.

Texture-wise, the Trader Joe's Synergistically Seasoned Popcorn is pleasantly crunchy. Most pieces are large and spherical, flaunting a mouthfeel not unlike the Popcorn in a Pickle, for example. As far as color is concerned, they appear a shade of amber-esque light orange—a color you might assume indicated cheddar cheese flavor under normal circumstances. As far as look and feel, this snack is nothing to complain about.

The bag seems oddly oversized. There's an enormous amount of vacant space—even more than other popcorn products from TJ's. I feel like there's the same amount of popcorn in the bag, but the bag is 50% larger than typical popcorn products. It's always disappointing to open a snack bag and find it only half full.

I'm sure there are some adventurous snack enthusiasts that are mad about the flavor of this product. I'd like to say I'm one of them, but I'm afraid this won't be a repeat purchase if I have anything to say about it. I'm not telling you not to try it. The bag pretty much lays it all out for you: tangy, salty, smoky, spicy, and slightly sweet flavors...together at last. If that sounds good to you, knock yourselves out. The wifey liked it better than I did. She kept repeating, "It's weird, it's weird" while eating her first couple handfuls. Apparently, her opinion of the product improved as she got used to the flavor, and she settled on three and a half stars. 

Two and a half from me.

Bottom line: 6 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Springle Jangle

Ah, at long last the vernal equivalent of the longstanding Yuletide favorite Jingle Jangle is here. Wait. Was there really anybody asking for this? Is this really something Trader Joe's needed to add to their lengthy lineup of fancifully-packaged chocolatey snacks?

Let's be honest. If you happened to purchase a tin of Trader Joe's Jingle Jangle at Christmas time, I'd bet dollars to donuts you still have some left in the container now that spring has rolled around some four months later. Granted, we have a small family, but we sure had a good bit left over many months hence after we bought it near Christmas 2014, and we used it as a photo double for gourmet elephant poop the following April.

First of all, chocolate isn't something I'm craving a lot right when the weather gets warm in the springtime. It makes my skin oily and it melts in my hand before it ever gets to my mouth.

There's only one element in this mix that's not prone to melting, and that's the "butter toffee peanuts," and there just aren't anywhere close to enough of them in the package. They're the only novel element in the jar—the only item I feel like I haven't consumed a million times before. Apparently, Trader Joe's does/did offer a butter toffee peanut product all by itself, and it's now available on...walmart.com??? 

At any rate, they did throw me a bone and add one white chocolate element in this spring version of the snack mix. Oh wait. Sorry, that's "yogurt," not white chocolate. Is there any difference? Yogurt-covered pretzels are just fine in my book, especially when they're slathered in pretty pink and yellow nonsense. How festive. I'm sure TJ's wanted this product out by Easter, but life and lockdowns happened, and they couldn't get the item on shelves in time. No worries. It's still spring.

The nonpareils, dark chocolate Joe-Joe's bark, and pastel-colored fake M&M's AKA spring candy gems are all pieces I'd happily do without at all in this mix. The peanut butter cups are tasty, because, you know... peanut butter and chocolate. I prefer the milk chocolate version and would happily lose the dark chocolate ones, though. I must admit, there are fewer M&M dealies in this mix than in the original, so that's a plus.

At $4.99, it's much smaller and cheaper than the massive Jingle Jangle tin, but it's still overpriced by my estimation. It's basically a cylinder of chocolate, chocolate, chocolate, chocolate, chocolate, yogurt pretzels, and candy peanuts. Since it's aesthetically-pleasing and there are fewer candy gems and a little something white chocolate-esque, we won't shaft it too badly and will bestow it with the same scores we gave the original.

Bottom line: 6.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Honey Mustard & Onion Seasoned Pretzel Pieces

This is not meant as any undue attack or unforward critique of one of the all time classics...but there is a serious need of innovation here.

Yes, we are talking about Trader Joe's Honey Mustard & Onion Seasoned Pretzel Pieces. If anyone could have magically pulled this off, I would have counted on TJ's to Wonka-fy it into existence. They didn't. I can't really be disappointed, because it just might be impossible, but still...I had hopes, only to be in vain.

You see, there is a fundamental issue with many snack food items, and honey mustard onion pretzel pieces are probably the best, clearest example. It's such a strong flavor, right? You know it when you taste it. The sweetness and bite of vinegar, the saltiness of the onion, the goodness of whatever other odd spices are sprinkled in...you know what I speak of. If you've ever had a honey mustard onion pretzel, you'll know exactly what this taste like.

That's not precisely the issue, of course.

Instead, it's this question: how many bites of a perfectly balanced flavored snack do you actually get, per bag? It can be frustratingly few.

Alas, there's no exception here.

The first few portions out of the top of the bag are surprisingly bland. Like, they look like they should taste like something, and they kinda do...but not really. All that flavor dust went south for the winter and never came back.

Work towards the equator and there's a couple great bites in there, that taste like a little bit of everything and not too much of anything. Snack time bliss, that's what that is. Yum.

But then there's the bottom third or more. It's where everything settled. A little bit is good, but then for such a strong flavor like honey mustard and onion, it gets way too powerful way too quick. It's hard to have too much, unless you're really hungry.

I was really hopeful for some sort of innovative solution that TJ's would bring forth to the masses here. Maybe it'd be a scientific break though, in that some sort of edible, tasty glue or adhesive would hold on more tightly to the flavor crystals, so all would arrive in factory perfected form. Or that the delivery driver would bring them in a rented out concrete truck, tumbling the packages all the way from distribution center to retail. How about a paint-shaker type contraption in the stockroom? Or, like, maybe like the stockperson would give them an expertly vigorous shake before putting on the shelf, with the cashier giving an instructional DVD to purchasers to ensure even flavor distribution and snack food satisfaction all the way to the point of the consumption, so that if a consumer didn't fully love a balanced, even, delicious morsel of honey mustard onion pretzel that'd be squarely on them as some sort of societal outcast worthy of weeping and gnashing of teeth? It's not like TJ's employees are doing anything else these days.

I kid, of course, but alas, it was not to be. Here we go instead from predictable palatal progression from mediocre to delicious to "a bit much." Sigh.

But apparently I like them, enough to have devoured more or less the whole package myself with a few bites spared for the kiddos. It took a few days to be sure. My lovely bride didn't even try them - she's not opposed, she technically had opportunity, but in her opinion the window of time afforded her was too short -  so I'm flying solo here, which is dangerous. So, uhh...seven spoons? Sure. Need a breakthrough to get to that next level.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Honey Mustard & Onion Seasoned Pretzel Pieces: 7 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Trader Joe's Everything but the Bagel Nut Duo

Pearl Jam has long been a favorite band of mine. Classic grunge and rock - it's hard not to like. Have never seen them live unfortunately, but that'll change...sometime...I hope. I've had my chances and have whiffed on them thus far.

That being said...they got some real crappy stuff they put their name on. No, I'm not just talking "Spin the Black Circle" that somehow won a Grammy, just for having the Pearl Jam name on it when they were one of the hottest things around. Have you heard their new song, "Dance of the Clairvoyants"? What in the heck is that?

It's kinda the same deal with Trader Joe's Everything but the Bagel Nut Duo.

EBTB! So hot right now! It's a seasoning! It's a salmon! It's...probably at least five other TJ's products I can't recall right now. Thanks, beer. And now it's on a pair of nuts.

Could be hot. Could be great. But more likely than not, like those Pearl Jam tunes, it'll skate by on the premise of its name instead of its merits.

It's that aforementioned Everything but the Bagel Seasoning, which is great on everything, including, ironically, bagels,  but on almonds and cashews. That's it. That's all. Must be have been a slow week for the product developers to come up with this.

First, almonds. As far as base nuts, almonds are definitely a step above peanuts, but man, they're still kinda dull. And it's disappointing that by looks our bag is roughly two parts almonds to one part cashews. Need me more quality nuts in this bag!

And for whatever reason, the seasoning blend doesn't translate well onto nuts. It just doesn't. Whatever makes it resonate well on meat and veggies and eggs and, ironically, bagels, just doesn't work here. Yeah, it's there, but not exactly delicious. It's more of a "meh" than an "oooh."

In short, nuts make a great snack. Flavored nut mixes make an even greater snack. But there's so much better out right now - looking at you, Olive & Herb Mix - that makes this mix not too inspiring, with a twinge of feeling like it was kinda mailed in. For $3.99, it's an okay deal but one we are likely to repeat. Feeling charitable, so my lovely bride will hit it with a three each.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Everything but the Bagel Nut Duo: 6 out of 10 Golden Spoons.

Trader Joe's Organic Marbled Halvah

When all this is finally behind us, and if you're then planning to go to Philadelphia for whatever reason, be sure to make a stop at Reading Terminal Market, especially if you've never been. You won't be disappointed.

It's amazing. There's all the Amish vendors selling baked goods, the best pork sandwich you will ever eat, some rather interesting food oddities, and food from across the world, all in a tight, crammed little space. As a bonus, it's only a short and safe walk away from Independence Hall and the Liberty Bell, which are naturally pretty darn historic and a bit awe-inspiring as well.

It's also pretty much the only place I knew where to buy halvah.

What's halvah? I had no idea either until Sandy picked some up there on our last trip around Christmas time. It's delicious, is what it is.

And now, of course, perhaps Columbusing halvah to the masses, is good ol' TJ's with Trader Joe's Organic Marbled Halvah. Find it stashed right next to the cash registers for an interesting litle pick up.

So, halvah...okay. Imagine like almond or sunflower seed butter, all dried up into a kinda crispy mass. Now, instead of those, it's tahini, or sesame seed butter. Yup, the same kinda stuff that gets put into hummus, except I guess that might be more oil? Anyways, yeah.

Halvah in general, and TJ's in particular, has an interesting texture. It's firm yet soft, dry yet not arid, chalky yet not crumbly. You can tear yourself a chunk at ease, yet it falls apart nearly instantly when bitten. It's kinda like magic, and that's how a good halvah tastes.

The TJ's type, in comparison, does seem a bit more firm than the couple bites we have left of the "real deal" from Philly. There's more similarity than not, so I'd say it veers towards authentic in terms of texture, but it's not all the way there. Sandy says it more closely tastes like a halvah candy bar which she's had somewhere - seriously, where that girl gets her treats sometimes, I just don't know.

Naturally, there's a zillion varieties. What Sandy got at Reading Terminal was pistachio halvah - tastes like heaven. In comparison, a cocoa vanilla swirl flavor from TJ's is bit not too exotic-y. But I get it. Playing safe with a familiar flavor might be more enticing for the otherwise ignorant shopper (which I fit the mold of more times than not). It's pretty basic chocolate and vanilla too, even a little plain to be honest. I would have loved another flavor, like more pistachio or honey or other traditional flavors.

It's also kinda odd to me the way the TJ's halvah is packaged. There's ten little individually fun size wrapped pieces inside the bag. Seems kinda wasteful, unless you want to be the neighborhood oddball to hoard these to distribute to all the lil Tiger Kings and Carol Baskinses that'll be trick-or-treating this fall (God willing).

Anyways, the halvah's worth the try for the $3 or so. Like other TJ's selections, it just might help you discover something new to enjoy. It's good enough and approximates the real deal close enough, and dangit, I'm a man of many things, and a halvah snob isn't one of them. I'm just hoping for some more flavor variety. Our kiddos didn't seem to enjoy it much so it may be more of a grown up treat, for what it's worth. Between the two of us purported grown ups we'll hit with a seven.

Trader Joe's Organic Marbled Halvah: 7 out of 10 Golden Spoons.

Trader Joe's Almond Flour Chocolate Chip Cookie Baking Mix

"Let's see...something Eastery. Something...Good Friday-ish...? What do people eat on Easter? Rabbit. Oh, no wait. Ham. But we don't eat ham...

Um...how about candy? No Trader Joe's candy. D'oh! Something else that's sweet...ah, here in the back of the pantry drawer: Trader Joe's Almond Flour Chocolate Chip Cookie Baking Mix.

I'll make up some nonsense about people giving up wheat flour for Lent and this will totally work."

That was my train of thought in selecting this particular product for today's review. Maybe you did give up wheat flour or gluten for Lent and you tried this product recently. Maybe you gave up animal products and made it the vegan way. I don't know. I think we'll try it with cow's milk because we actually have some on hand right now.

I'm not the most culinarily-inclined guy on the block, so wish me well. I'll see you back here after the cookies are done baking.

---45 minutes later---

Okay, we're back. Mission accomplished. I'd call it a success in my book, with only a few minor mishaps. 

First step: mix the powder, butter, and vanilla in a bowl, then stir in milk one cup at a time. So far, so good.

I've always loved cookie dough, so during this process I seized the opportunity to lick some of the batter out of the mixing bowl. It was super almondy, but oh-so-good. The biggest difference between the batter and the finished product is that the cookies themselves tasted way less like almond. They were extremely similar to traditional wheat flour cookies. The nuttiness that I found so prevalent in the batter is just faintly noticeable after heating.

Technically, the baking process is only 10 minutes long. I left ours in the oven for about 5 extra minutes. They wanted to be very mushy at the short end of the baking spectrum and verging on too crispy at the long end, but they were very tasty in every case. 

Sonia said they reminded her of some fresh-baked chocolate chip cookies she used to get in middle school. These cookies she referred to were wheat-flour cookies, so there again, the taste of the almond flour is very similar to regular glutentastic flour.

There's a respectable amount of chocolate chips in the mix. They're not large. Just tiny morsels. The only sugar in the flour is "coconut sugar" and the chips have some cane sugar. None of that seemed to affect the flavor much. They just tasted like very good, normal, fresh-baked chocolate chip cookies, with just a hint of extra nuttiness and perhaps a whisper of "grittiness" for lack of a better word. 

$4.99 for enough mix to make 12 cookies. Gluten-free. They can be vegan, too, if you use alternative milk and oil instead of butter. 

This is set to be one of the weirdest Easters ever. Hope you're all staying sane.  

Four and a half stars from Sonia on Trader Joe's Almond Flour Chocolate Chip Cookie Baking Mix. Four from me.

Bottom line: 8.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Garlic Hummus Snack Pack with Pretzel Slims and Trader Joe's Organic Pitted Kalamata Olives

Obviously these aren't so normal times right now.

I think I've left my property once in the past five days. That means for over 90% of the time, I've been wearing pajama pants. Being cooped up in the basement to work at home has been interesting - always fun when you have to put a call on hold so you can holler at the kids to QUIET THE HECK DOWN - and my back actually misses the crappy, somehow compartively ergonomic office chairs. At the time I'm writing this I'm strangely excited by and apprehensive about going out later today for some groceries and beer.

And kids? Parents of young kids out there, you know what I'm talking about. Things aren't normal or all that fun at all...but we gotta do the best we can, despite all that, for the kids, right? Gotta take care of them, shield them, protect them, yada yada yada. I'm not talking about being a Pintrest-perfect parent - I'm talking about navigating them through these difficult waters to be relatively happy, reasonably healthy (physically and emotionally), and in tact without exhausting your last nerve. Thank God for Disney+.

I think I've written before that one of my family's favorite meals is what we call "snacky dinner" - basically what it sounds like. Cold cuts, cheese, pita, chips, hummus, veggies, fruit - everybody gets to eat what they want. It's a summertime favorite, usually washed down with a watermelon. It's great.

Well, it'd been a while, so we pulled out a snacky dinner the other night, and had two new-to-us contributors -  Trader Joe's Garlic Hummus Snack Pack with Pretzel Slims and Trader Joe's Organic Pitted Kalamata Olives.

I'll do the TJ's snack pack first. It's....nothing amazing, and not worthy of its own review in my opinion. I mean, do you know what small, crispy pretzel chip tastes like? Great. Now what about basic garlic hummus? Delicious, right? Now mentally dip the chip into the hummus and imagine what that tastes like - that's pretty much precisely what we got here. Darn good, right? Yup. Earth shattering and amazing and unique and...whatever else? Nah. I will give kudos that the snack cups seems to hold more than I thought, and I got fuller than I thought on mine. And even though I'm a generous dipper, I ran out of pretzel slims before I ran out of hummus. When times return for an easy, portable snack, this could be a go-to for sure. Delish.

And now a jar of olives? What do you want me to say? Usually for snacky dinners we'd hit up an olive bar and bring home a small sampling of olives and garlic and stuff like that. Not an option right now. So I've had kalamatas before, and this TJ jar full of them pretty much fits the bill. Nothing overly right or overly wrong, but kinda Goldilocksed at "just right." Strangely, our youngest, who previously has hated olives, gave one a try and wanted more. So maybe there's something to these particular olives, but if there is, I haven't determined what that is.

So, there ya go. Are either the garlic hummus snack pack or kalamata olive jars really all that special? Nah. But as a part of our snacky dinner, for a fun meal with the family, we enjoyed them immensely. Things don't have to be perfect or special or anything right now - they just have to get us through, and if they can bring a little happiness along the way, I'm all for it. There's goodness to be found in the mundane.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Garlic Hummus Snack Pack with Pretzel Slims and Trader Joe's Organic Pitted Kalamata Olives: 7 out of 10 Golden Spoons each

Trader Joe's Organic Milk Chocolate Caramel Eggs

Not gonna lie. I've been sitting here for a while trying to figure out how to make this interesting and/or unique...can't.

So here goes: Trader Joe's Organic Milk Chocolate Caramel Eggs.

What all is there to know? Not much. Our TJ's trips are somewhat limited and "sustenance/mission-at-hand" focused these days. Can't blame us. Maybe there's new and exciting stuff. If there is, please tip us off!

Easter's coming up soon. Can't exactly cancel Easter. Eggs are somehow probably one the two biggest secularly acceptable symbols of Easter, second maybe only to the Easter Bunny that supposedly hides the eggs. Never really understood all that, but after a while, you just accept it.

I'll tell ya where the TJ candy eggs can hide, though. Right in my belly.

You probably get the whole concept here already. Typical milk chocolate shell surrounding a small resevoir of oozy goozy silky caramel. That's precisely what we have here. There's nothing all that special or unique or outstanding about them. Nothing horrible either - everything is of good quality, as one would expect.

Tasty? Absolutely. Delicious? Positively. A little bit too easy to eat a few more little guys than ya should? Guilty as charged.

Amazing and earth shattering and sure to change your whole world? Nah, fam.

As a small note, I will say I didn't even realize they were organic. There's still part of me that expects organic stuff to taste weird or odd or a little different or, like, happier or something. There's none of that. It just tatstes like regular ol' milk chocolate and caramel. I'd say that's a positive.

Well, there ya go. Hope to hit ya with something more exciting next time. I liked 'em, my kids loved 'em. My poor, lovely bride somehow managed to not even try one before they all disappeared. it wasn't all me, love, I swear! Not like ya missed all that much anyways. At a couple bucks for a bagful, it's not a bad little seasonal pick up for the ol' Easter basket, but should not be a focal point...save that honor for the jelly beans. Think I'll just say the eggs aren't bad and rate them appropriately.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Organic Milk Chocolate Caramel Eggs: 6.5 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Trader Joe's Olive & Herbs Mixed Nuts

Well, working from home has been an adventure thus far.

For about the past week, I've been set up on a card table in the basement. It's a bit cool and drafty down there, but it works. I never knew I was raising a herd of elephants though - man, my kids are LOUD stomping around. My colleagues are still kinda catty, and the commute still kinda stinks (I mean, I walk right by the litter box), so not everything is completely different...

One thing that'll never change: need work snacks.

Vending machine or work cafe not an option for now, so instead I gave Trader Joe's Olive & Herbs Mixed Nuts a try.

I always gotta try new and interesting looking nut mixes, especially ones that aren't primarily peanuts. I have nothing really against peanuts, but nothing really for them...I mean, technically, they're not even a nut. There's just so many better nuts out there, especially cashews and pecans, and almonds aren't that bad, either.

Those aforementioned nuts are the basis of this entire snack. If asked for ratios, my bag seemed to be about half almonds at most, then a quarter each of cashews and pecans. That's above and beyond acceptable in my box. Each nut is roasted nicely,, enough to give them a satisfying crunch and bite, while displaying their respective nutty earthy flavors.

But that's not quite all.

Nah, you see, when I read the "Olive & Herbs" part of the title, I presumed without looking further that it meant just the flavoring sprinkled atop. Indeed, there's a lot of herbal medley plastered everywhere, and while I'm not knowledgeable enough to really point out which herb was strongest - there was some variance from bite to bite - I figured olive would be a flavor in the mix, too.

Nope.

Dried Kalamata olives, in the actual mix, along side the nuts.

Wasn't prepared for that.

Maybe I'm over-sheltered but I've never had dried olives before, I don't think. They're...a bit odd. Think dried out raisin, not chewy, more of a just a shell than anything. Olive mummies, maybe. Their oddness stands out more if consumed solo, but with a couple cashews, the bite is pretty seamless. In fact, I wasn't even aware I had some in a handful until I tasted them, because it's unmistakable. So potent. So strong and vibrant. So...dry. How is this even possible? I don't know.

Good thing my brilliant and lovely bride had the foresight to pick up not one but two bags - one for her, and one for me. At $4.99 for a 10 oz sack, it's not an awful deal by any stretch. Over the past two days I've eaten my entire ration, leaving me wondering what I'll find to graze on today. I'll have to go to work on that, I guess. For a unique-to-me snack at a good value, and all those cashews and tasty olives, I gotta go full five. Wouldn't change a thing. Sandy, who has way more self control than I do, shrugged and gave 'em a four based on her few small handfuls.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Olive & Herbs Mixed Nuts: 9 out of 10 Golden Spoons.

Trader Joe's Chile & Garlic Cashews

Cashews have never been cheap. I grew up in a home full of nuts. And I mean that as a double entendre. All three of us in the home were nuts, and likewise, we frequently consumed nuts. All manner of nuts: pecans, pistachios, almonds, macadamias, and of course, cashews were very often our go-to snacks. 

I can recall, sometime in the middle of college, or perhaps shortly after graduating, getting a craving for cashews rather out of the blue. I walked into a convenience store in downtown State College, PA and tracked down a little bag of cashews. I don't remember exactly how much they were, but it was enough that I immediately dismissed the cashew craving and opted for a fifty cent bag of peanuts instead. My parents weren't wealthy people. Not sure how we afforded things like macadamia nuts and cashews on the regular. No wonder my dad had trouble paying the mortgage throughout my childhood.

But regardless of financial status, you've gotta splurge once in a while. These particular cashews are a good choice in our opinions. Six bucks for the bag is a little steep, but they are oh-so-tasty.

On top of the classic flavor of salted cashews, the blend of chile powder, garlic powder, and onion powder makes them even more savory, flavorful, and full of a spicy kick. It tingles the tongue and warms the back of the throat and begs to be chased by a cold beverage. These cashews will definitely make you thirsty. Sonia and I both absolutely love their flavor. 

They're roasted to perfection, pleasantly crunchy, and not too salty. There's a decent amount of sodium and fat, but you'll find that with many nut mixes. It's mostly "good fat" or so I'm told. 

I'd complain about them being imported all the way from India, but apparently there are very few places in the United States with a warm enough climate for cashew farming, so "buy American" can't really apply here. That's probably the main reason for the hefty price tags.

Sonia's going to try adding these to a stir fry. I'm sure they'll blend in seamlessly. We'll report back if anybody's interested...

Four and a half stars from Sonia. Four from me.

Bottom line: 8.5 out of 10.