Trader Joe's Egg Salad

Sonia loves eggs. Maybe not every morning, but most mornings, the first things she'll do after getting up is fire up the coffee maker and grab a few eggs from the fridge. Within minutes she's sipping java and making an egg sandwich with cheese or some sort of omelette.

Me? I like eggs, but I kinda have to be in a certain mood. If I force myself to eat eggs when I'm not hungry for them, I get a little nauseous. But every once in a while I get a specific hankering, and in those instances only eggs will hit the spot. I'm weird like that.

It's a similar situation with egg salad and egg salad sandwiches. If we're traveling and we stop for gas at any random convenience store, Sonia will gravitate toward an egg salad sandwich, if available, more often than not. But it's usually pretty low on my list of preferences...unless I've got that craving.

One thing we do agree upon: this egg salad is not very good. It's bland. It lacks richness, creaminess, and flavor. It tastes and feels watery. Things like mayonnaise and mustard are listed in the ingredients, but they simply don't show up in the flavor of the product, so we wound up adding our own. We both tasted something similar to dill in the egg salad, but there's no "dill" mentioned on the packaging. We're perplexed on that one.

This isn't the first sub-par egg salad we've seen from TJ's. The Spicy Ranchero Egg White Salad comes to mind. I thought maybe egg yolks would help but apparently not. They're 0-2 as far as egg salad is concerned.

Now chicken salad, on the other hand, is a different story entirely.

If we lived any closer to a Trader Joe's, I think this might have been a "no-hassle refund" type situation. As it stands, we'll probably just force ourselves to finish this tub. I mean, it's edible, but this is most definitely not a repeat purchase. Sonia's score: 5/10. Nathan's score: 4/10

Bottom line: 4.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Cinnamon Sugar Almonds

AI is scary. I asked perchance.org for "the latest Trader Joe's food product" and within a couple seconds, it had formulated Trader Joe's Chicken & Waffle Flavored Potato Chips, complete with an enticing product description and images of said fictitious food product. Of course the writing on the packaging is all gibberish and the description doesn't provide actual ingredients, but heck, I'm starting to wonder if Trader Joe's hasn't been doing this all along. I mean they do have some pretty tasty stuffing flavored chips, at least around Thanksgiving time.

What other ideas did artificial intelligence come up with? Products like Trader Joe's Mini Gummy Bears on a Chocolate Pool Day come to mind. I mean, whose brain thinks like that? WTF is a "chocolate pool day"?

All that to say that this isn't really all that weird an idea. I'm glad the guy who wants to dip everything in dark chocolate was absent at the product development meeting that day. Because these things are perfect just the way they are. They're delectable little bite-size candies with a whole almond and plenty of cinnamon and sugar.

In fact, if I had to complain about anything, I might want a little less cinnamon, sugar, and confectionery coating and more nut flavor. These little treats are creamy, sweet, and they have enough real cinnamon that you might start coughing if you eat them too fast.

Some of the spheres are bordering on being too big to eat in one bite. When you break them in half, you can see more than 50% of the product is that vanilla candy coating, so these are definitely heading in the direction of indulgent dessert rather than salty, nut-based snack. Sonia agrees, but she's definitely a big fan of these almonds.

$3.99 for the eight serving resealable bag. Would buy again. 9/10 stars from Sonia. 8/10 stars from me for Trader Joe's Cinnamon Sugar Almonds.

Bottom line: 8.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Garlicky Pasta

I've used the word "garlicky" on this blog many times, but I still have a problem with that "k" sneaking in there. There's no "k" in the word "garlic." But I guess we would want to pronounce it like an "s" sound without the "k." In other words "garlicy" looks like "garlissy," you know what I mean? We could always just hyphenate it like "garlic-y" like we do when the word is made-up or not-yet-recognized as a real word. But apparently folks use "garlicky" enough that it has an official spelling, and that spelling includes a "k" whether we like it or not.

So...this pasta is more garlicky than anything else. I guess it's pasta-y too, but all pasta is pasta-y, so that's not even worth mentioning. But I mean, if you're gonna call it "garlicky," I'd prefer it be really freaking garlicky than, you know, just kinda garlicky. And I mean, it comes covered in a medium-thick garlic sauce that is pretty tasty. It has a decent amount of garlic flavor. I guess I just want more, but then again I am a total garlic fiend. I think chunks of actual garlic might help, too.

Sonia loves this dish although she, too, wishes there were more garlic flavor. She added red pepper flakes to her portion of the bag and says it really helped open up the garlic essences in the sauce and gave the whole thing a little kick.

Texture-wise, the spaghetti-esque pasta pieces are soft and supple. The sauce is pretty smooth with no chunks of anything except some sparsely scattered bits of parsley. I think garlic, onions, scallions, or anything from the allium family could have helped not only in the flavor department but the texture one too. Carrots and bell peppers or any other basic veggies might have worked, like in the recently-reviewed stir fry.

Sonia is definitely a bigger fan than I am, but I'm not hating by any means. It looks like four and a half stars from the beautiful wifey and three and a half stars from me, meaning she'd give it a 9 out of 10 and I'd give it more like a 7 out of 10. 

Should I just do scores that way from now on? Should we each just give an "x out of 10" score and then we just average it for the bottom line? Is that less confusing than two "x out of 5" scores? Let me know in the comments.

Bottom line: 8 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Hold the Cone Tips

Just the tip. Just for a second. Just to see how it feels.

That's a quote from Vince Vaughn's character in The Wedding Crashers. Your guess is as good as mine as to what he was alluding to in that instance. For all I know, it could have been a reference to sampling Trader Joe's Just the Tip chocolate-filled waffle cone snacks...or whatever they're called.

I guess some people think the tip is the best part of the waffle cone. I won't argue with that assertion. But to me, the best thing about the tip of the ice cream cone is that last little bit of semi-melted ice cream. The cone itself is just fine, but without ice cream, it's a little on the plain side. Substituting ice cream with a slab of dark chocolate is a clever idea, but does it work? In my opinion: sorta.

It really just makes me wish I had an ice cream cone. But then again, I'm one of those unsophisticated folks who never learned to appreciate dark chocolate as much as its sweeter milk and white chocolate cousins. I might have even preferred a waffle cone tip stuffed with vanilla icing or some type of creamy frosting. Oh well.

The beautiful wifey generally enjoys dark chocolate. Her take on the tips: "They're boring. And the chocolate is too hard. I want ice cream in my waffle cones." There you have it. That's the consensus in our household.

Check out our blog for reviews of other products in this Hold the Cone series from Trader Joe's, most of which contain, you know, actual ice cream: Chocolate. Ginger Pumpkin. Coffee. Dairy Free. And even one called Hold the Corn!

$3.99 for the 3.5 serving box. Final scores? Put Sonia down for three out of five stars. I'll be nice and throw out three and a half for the sake of you dark chocolate lovers, but I don't think either of us would buy again.

Bottom line: 6.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Dried Australian Red Papaya

We've been chowing down on carbs, curds, cookies, and candies lately, so for the sakes of both our health and reputation, it's high time we looked at something at least a little health conscious. Ah, here. This exotic papaya comes all the way from the land of Oz. Sonia and I both love dried papaya, so this red version must be even more amazing, right?

Wrong. You've heard of "fruit leather"? This stuff is the closest thing I've ever had to the actual texture of leather. It's crazy hard. It's extremely thin and hard to chew. Other dried papaya we've had contains a bit of moisture and juiciness. It seems this product has had all the wetness stripped out of it completely.

It's not particularly sweet. I can't even really describe the taste. There's something almost akin to black licorice in the flavor profile. It's similar to other papaya but not very sweet and not juicy. Honestly, the product it reminds me of the most is last year's disappointing Dried Cantaloupe Slices.

After lavishing all the recently-reviewed junk food with accolades, praise, and high scores, we really wanted to love this no-fat, low-carb selection but simply couldn't get into it. There's plenty of other delicious dried fruit products from Trader Joe's, but this one will get a thumbs down from both of us.

$2.99 for the resealable bag. Would not buy again. Two stars from Sonia, two and a half stars from me for Trader Joe's Dried Australian Red Papaya.

Bottom line: 4.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Breaded Cheddar Cheese Curds

I was born and raised in the Northeast, and since then I've lived in the South, on the West Coast, and in the Midwest. So I can tell you from experience that cheese curds are very much part of midwestern culture in a way that folks from other regions might not understand. For example, many midwestern fast food joints and mom and pop's restaurants offer your choice of French fries or cheese curds to go with your hamburger.

The cheese in most curds that I've tried is stiffer than what you'd find in a typical mozzarella stick. It's "squeaky" cheese. Like mozz sticks, however, they tend to be a little greasy and covered in a thin breading. Cheese curds are served hot, and they come to you nice and soft with a few little cheese bubbles on the outside of the breading, but they're rarely melting and oozing the way mozzarella sticks do. They're part of the comfort food culture here in the Upper Midwest and Sonia and I have taken quite a liking to them, particularly when served in tomato soup.

We used the air fryer heating method which involved pre-heating for about 5 minutes and cooking for an additional 5. The curds came out crispy and lightly brown on the outside and soft and squishy inside. They might have been a little softer than your average midwestern cheese curd, but the flavor was delightful—a robust burst of rich cheddar in every bite.

Folks round these parts tend to eat their cheese curds with ranch or gravy, but I prefer marinara sauce when it comes to dipping these delicious do-dads. Trader Joe's Cheese Curds don't really need any condiments, but they pair nicely with tomato sauce or ranch. I also made a spicy, exotic international dip that worked well by mixing ranch with sriracha and gochujang. The artwork on the packaging appears to depict a serving suggestion that involves dipping cheddar cheese curds into...more cheddar? That seems inappropriate...perhaps even vulgar.

But I'm not one to judge. Folks from Wisconsin would probably say it's blasphemous to eat cheese curds with spaghetti sauce but that's still my favorite topping for these noshable niblets. Sonia likes them sans sauces. Whatever tickles your pickle, as they say.

$4.99 for the 5 serving bag. Would buy again. Four stars a piece from the beautiful wifey and me for Trader Joe's Breaded Cheddar Cheese Curds.

Bottom line: 8 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Lemon Flower Cookies

I'm on record saying lemon is an excellent summer flavor at least once or twice on the blog. If I had to pick a season other than summer when lemon snacks can shine bright like the sun, the obvious choice would be spring. There are bright yellow flowers everywhere in the springtime...and serendipitously, lemons are bright yellow, too.

In the tradition of Trader Joe's Raspberry Hearts, these are seasonal shortbread sandwich cookies with fruit flavored filling. This time it's lemon instead of raspberry...which most of you probably figured out already. The shortbread is once again high quality, fresh, crumbly, and sweet, and the jam is delectably lemontastic.

I was pleasantly surprised with the level of lemonosity in these yellow yum-yums. I generally have to complain that Trader Joe's lemon products aren't lemony enough. These cookies might not be the most lemon-laden treats I've ever tried, but they pack a pungent punch of citrus satisfaction.

Sonia is hit or miss with lemon sometimes, but she genuinely enjoyed these flavorful flowers. Once again, they are two typical shortbread cookies stacked on top of one another with a layer of lemon lusciousness in between the two cookies, which yields a fairly fat cookie. If the beautiful wifey and I have one complaint about these, it's that they're too tall. We'd prefer flat shortbread cookies with lemon filling baked into them somehow.

But that's being picky. These are great sweet, tart, buttery cookie treats, and yes, we'd both buy them again. $5.99 for 18 cookies. Four and a half stars from Sonia. Four stars from me for Trader Joe's Lemon Flower Cookies, found in the baked goods section.

Bottom line: 8.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Organic Vanilla Bean Paste

For some crazy reason I was thinking this would be, you know, a paste. It's not. It's a syrup. In case you were wondering, yes, this is my first vanilla bean "paste" purchase. I realize Trader Joe's didn't invent this stuff. But a paste is somewhere in between solid and liquid. This is just a sticky fluid with bean bits in it. I dunno, man. That's my story and I'm sticking to it: vanilla bean paste is a syrup, not a paste. I'll die on that hill.

Not that it matters. It's still thick. It's still yummy. It's like vanilla extract but sweeter, thicker, tastier, and beanier—with way less alcohol flavor. Yes, it's much thicker than vanilla extract but not so thick that you'd call it a paste. But whatevs.

Apparently all vanilla bean "paste" is like this. It's very much on par with chocolate syrup in terms of thickness and sweetness, but with a distinctly vanilla aroma and essence. I guess it's kinda odd to review chocolate syrup and vanilla syrup in such a short span of time, but hey, what's done is done.

The best part about this product: the little vanilla bean specks. You can change regular boring vanilla ice cream to vanilla bean ice cream with just a teaspoon or two of this stuff. Or add it to smoothies, coffee, whipped cream, overnight oats, French toast, or cake mix. We did all of the above. Well, not the cake mix. Not yet. If there's any of this bottle still left in two months, I'll request a birthday cake with vanilla bean paste in the batter.

Five bucks for a tiny bottle of potent vanilla, complete with beanage. Comparable bottles from other brands apparently go for $20-$25. I like it. Sonia likes it. We would buy Trader Joe's Organic Vanilla Bean Paste again...even though it's clearly a thick syrup, not a paste.

Bottom line: 8.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Peas & Carrots Sour Gummy Candies

This is, like, totally the worst way to get your vegetables. But hey, there is some spirulina in there for color. So maybe that counts, right?

I don't think these candies are very sour at all. The carrots have some of that "sour sugar" on the outside but are otherwise just normal sweet gummy candy. Sonia says the peas are sorta kinda approaching an acceptable level of sourness but not quite attaining it. They're the opposite of the carrots: their insides are sourer than their stiff outer shell.

Made of mainly glucose syrup and sugar, the texture of the candy is hard to describe. The carrots are softer than the peas. It's a mouthfeel similar to that of Sunkist Fruit Gems, slightly different than your run-of-the-mill Sour Patch Kids or Swedish Fish—firm but gelatinous at the same time. Sonia says they're more dense than your average gummy candy.

The peas have an almost plasticky outer layer. The outside part almost feels like one of those old school glossy gumballs. The insides are soft and slightly chewy, and they taste moderately tart I guess.

$1.29 per 3 oz bag. Bring back the Ts & Js, TJ's. Sonia and I both like the Sour Scandinavian Swimmers more than these. I'm not saying I wouldn't eat a few peas and carrots if I had low blood sugar and somebody tossed me a bag of these guys, but neither Sonia nor I would buy these again. Two and a half stars from me. Three stars from Sonia for Trader Joe's Peas & Carrots Sour Gummy Candies.

Bottom line: 5.5 out of 10.