Trader Joe's Organic Taralli and Friends Crackers

Wikipedia describes a taralli cracker as a "toroidal Italian snack food." For those of you who neglected to snag your masters in geometry from a prestigious university, a toroid is basically a donut shape.

The toroidal taralli crackers in this bag are kinda like Italian wontons I guess, at least flavor-wise. There's a vague sourdough vibe, too. Some people say you can dip them in sweet stuff. So if you dunk wontons in duck sauce as an appetizer or snack, you could dip these in...I dunno...cream cheese and fancy Italian marmalade?

I guess there are many different kinds of taralli crackers? Some get dipped in wine, some get paired with cheese, and others get dunked in spicy stuff. I need some Italian folks to weigh in on these because I clearly have no background with this fare.

The straight sticks taste very much like classic garlic croutons, but maybe a little softer. They're tasty, with a complex spice blend. There's a melt-in-the-mouth quality that most croutons lack. But I would totally throw these into any savory soup and I'm sure they'd enhance the taste and texture significantly. Both Sonia's and my favorite.

The square crackers are like sesame sticks kinda. But they're crackers instead of sticks. If you like sesame sticks, you'll like these. There are actual sesame seeds listed in the ingredients, so my tastebuds must be working today.

The twisty sticks are probably my least favorite of the bunch. They're a bit like plain saltines but puffier. And twistier. Fun shape, boring flavor. Could make a decent vehicle for a cheese dip I suppose.

$3.29 for the bag, imported from Italy. A sack of crackers with no chocolate or toffee or dipping sauce packets doesn't seem super Christmassy or exciting to me, but then I'm about as Italian as a spot of tea and crumpets. How do you serve these? How does TJ's offering compare to what Nonna used to make? For now, I'll score with a very neutral 3 out of 5 stars. Sonia will go with three and a half.

Bottom line: 6.5 out of 10.

Boatswain Hazy IPA

Have you seen this meme? Ugh...I mean, I can't argue, really...but that doesn't mean i like it. At all. 

Sometimes the truth is tough.

Love me a good IPA and I'm always eager to try a new one, especially of the unfiltered/"hazy"/New England style variety. That's my jam. So, I was pretty excited when I spotted a new-to-me can of Boatswain Hazy IPA at an out-of-state TJ's last weekend. Didn't see a full sixpack so i just slid one into a make-your-own sampler...

Thank God.

Ugh. Straight up not good. it's...I don't know...lacking too much. There's no real full body or anything. Instead, it's just like watered-down bitterness that funkifies itself into some sort of ghastly brew. First sip to last, it's straight up not enjoyable...at all. I can't even explain how bad it is, it just is.

The can boasts it's supposed to be fragrant and offer notes from mosaic, ella and citra hops. That's uusally a good thing. But the hops used must be last year's or something. It's all...not vibrant and stagnant, and, for lack of a better word, bitter, but not in the good bitter way that an IPA is supposed to be. It's bad bitter. Really bad bitter. 

Managed to drink it all, though I was tempted to pour it all down the sink. 

For what it's worth, I think the can cost a nice price of 69 cents. So, well, there's that. But if you see this TJ's exclusive branded Boatswain Hazy IPA, spend the extra buck or two and get yourself a local or regional brew instead. You'll be much happier.

Bottom line: Boatswain Hazy IPA: 1 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Trader Joe's Cookie Mug Hangers

Apparently these have been a thing for a while. Makes sense. It's not the first time I've been oblivious to a product that has existed in the world at large for months or years, only to have Trader Joe's draw my attention to it when they offer their own iteration of said product.

If I'd had these as a kid, I'd have undoubtedly played with my food until yelled at by one or both of my parents. I would have lined the little cookie men up on the side of a mug of hot chocolate and pretended it was me and my friends by the poolside in the summer. I'd have imagined the marshmallows as little floaties and tried to get the gingerbread men to lay on top of them without sinking into the hot cocoa.

Or I'd have imagined the cookie men were villains about to be summarily executed by being thrown into a vat of boiling liquid or perhaps eaten by a hungry dinosaur—played by yours truly—limb by limb, all the while begging for mercy.

I might have imagined them as deep sea divers, about to plunge into the abyss to explore an unknown trench, only to be consumed by a giant sea monster, again played by me. At any rate, I'd have had fun. Lots of fun.

And I'm not saying they're not fun as an adult. They are. They're cute, seasonally-appropriate, and quite tasty for pre-packaged gingerbread. If they'd had guts made of cookie butter, they might be even more impressive.

And they actually hang on to the side of your mug. I was thinking maybe we needed mugs with wider rims or something, but each mug we tried was easily straddled by the little mug-hangin' buggers. The foot on the inside on the mug actually dangles into your hot beverage of choice and is fully saturated within seconds, ready to be slurped off the cookie. Of course, he doesn't hang quite so well with only one leg left so you've got to do some old-fashioned cookie dunking at that point, but I'm perfectly fine with that.

The recipe seems pretty much like classic gingerbread. It's got a sweet, cinnamony essence and wheaty base. There's not much in the way of real ginger or any other pungent spices, so it's more of a "kids' gingerbread" flavor by my estimation. I'm usually turned off by an overabundance of clove and allspice, so plain sweet cookies are fine with me, especially when paired with a beverage.

The cookies are plenty crunchy and crispy until they get wet, at which point they become nice and soft and even more delicious. Not sure if we'll pick these up again next year, but they'll get two thumbs up and about four Christmas stars a piece from Sonia and me.

Bottom line: 8 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Salty Honey Toffee Milk Chocolate Covered Crackers

Really when it comes to it, whoever came up with the idea of chocolate covered saltines is a genius.

Saltines aren't sexy. No way. Versatile? Sure. But...boring. A little chocolate always spices things a bit, but the concept of chocolate covered pretzels or even potato chips is about ten times more exciting than the averagest of crackers out there. 

But if you're supposed to pile stuff on saltines to make them a tasty treat...why stop with just chocolate? Genius. 

Here we are with Trader Joe's Salty Honey Toffee Milk Chocolate Crackers. That's quite a mouthful to say right there. 

And to eat! Wow. It's almost hard to find the cracker in there, it's enrobed in so many layers of silky milky chocolate. TJ's really has it down on its chocolate game - across the board it's much higher quality and tastier than the usual Hershey's fare. There's no exception here. Usually I'm a dark chocolate guy, the darker the better, but I could nosh on this milk chocolate all day, it's so good. 

And then uptop of course is the salty honey toffee bits. There's not so much honey except maybe a small twinge of sweetness, as mostly it tastes of salt and toffee. That's not bad thing. Tastes rich and somewaht decadent, and gets amplified even more by a little choco-drizzle atop. It's quite good. 

And yeah, there's a saltine in there...somewhere...serving as a base and actually helping keep everything in check. If this were fall on chocolate and toffee, it'd probably stray towards too much, too rich, too whatever. That's the not the case as just little taste of plain ol' boring cracker  somehow helps rein it all in. 

The package says there's a little touch of coffee in there too. I couldn't detect it, but I'm also getting over a cold so my tasters aren't 100%. 

The package comes as a sleeve of eight of these treats that won't be the star of any holiday cookie plate, but would make a nice, somewhat fancy addition for only a few bucks. It's not bad deal, and not an all the time purchase, but I can appreciate them for what they all, a humble saltine all dressed to the nines for the holidays. 

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Salty Honey Toffee Milk Chocolate Covered Crackers: 9 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Trader Joe's Advent of the Cocktail Hour

Ever since I was a little kid, I've had a thing for advent calendars. There's just something about a countdown that's so suspenseful and fun. In elementary school, we'd make chains out of construction paper, with each of 25 links to be broken as the days crept closer to Christmas. We'd alternate red and green paper for the links, or maybe we'd throw in some white to represent the snow that we hoped for throughout December.

We even looked at Trader Joe's Advent Calendars on this blog a whole decade ago. Can you believe it's been that long? Since then, we checked out the Advent Calendar For Dogs. Some years we'll even purchase separate advent calendars for Sonia and me, as well as two individual ones for each of our mutts.

This year, we got two of these calendars with Boozy Little Chocolate Truffles. It's a different assortment of confections/liqueurs than its predecessor. The original boozy chocolate assortment featured gin, whisky, rum, and prosecco, while these candies contain liqueur de cafe, honey caramel, peach bellini, eggnog, coffee martini, and pink champagne. We're gonna jump ahead until at least December 6th so we can hopefully sample one of each flavor and give you the lowdown on all of them.

Wednesday, December 1: we got liqueur de cafe. It's a vaguely Kahlua-esque flavor, nice and chocolatey with a coffee booze edge. Probably Sonia's favorite.

Thursday, December 2: coffee martini time. Similar to the previous selection, but there's more of a harsh gin-like essence mixed with traditional coffee flavor.

Today, Friday, December 3: we found an eggnog chocolate. It actually tastes like eggnog with alcohol. I wanna say it's eggnog mixed with rum..? Not as tasty as it might have been if they had gone with Jagermeister, but hey, these chocolates are from the UK, not Deutschland.

Then we got in our magical time machine and jumped ahead to:

Saturday, December 4: and we got honey caramel. Tastes a bit like actual honey. And caramel. Imagine that. Pretty high quality. I'm not complaining.

Sunday, December 5: peach bellini. There's actual peach puree in there. It's barely tastable, but it's there. And peach Schnapps, too. This one might be my favorite, although the peach flavor struggles to shine even when paired with plain white chocolate.

The order of the chocolates appeared to repeat at that point, starting over again with liqueur de cafe. I warped ahead to Christmas Day in my magical DeLorean TARDIS time sled hot tub and found what we were missing: a pink champagne chocolate truffle. Awwww yeeeah.

The verdict: a bit anticlimactic. Meh. It's not bad. Sonia said, "This doesn't taste like anything." I wouldn't go that far. I tasted something champagne-esque. It still tasted more like white (pink) chocolate than anything else, with maybe a hint of being spiked with white wine. Acceptable. Don't get your hopes up too high and you won't be disappointed.

For $6.99, this imported set of 25 unique chocolates presented in 6 different flavors is fun, giftable, and pretty. It's in a whole 'nother ballpark quality-wise compared to those original Trader Joe's Advent Calendars with 24 bites of barely edible "chocolate." I mean, granted, we're paying 7 times as much, but it's worth it.

I should mention, too, that the fillings in each chocolate are smooth, semi-solid cream, rather than liquid. You can totally get away with biting them in half and not having random shots of liquid alcohol squirt out onto your clothing. 2.5% ABV.

Three and a half stars from Sonia. Four from me.

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Sweet & Salty Snack Mix

Ah, December. 

If you're a real TJ's fan, you know exactly what time of year it is officially now: time to run to your local shop and snatch up anything and everything covered in chocolate. 'Tis the season. 

Granted, there's nothing really definitively overtly holidayish about the new Trader Joe's Sweet & Salty Snack Mix.I mean, there's not even a reindeer or elf on the packaging, let alone little fun shapes or something. But c'mon now. Look at that little bowl on the front. Wouldn't that look great as part of your holiday spread?

There's four main components to the mix, two of which incorporate a good thick drizzle to coating of good ol' silky smooth rich milk chocolate. 

First and foremost would be the caramel popcorn - that seems to be the real base of the snack, as I'd say it's at least 70% popcorn. That's not a bad thing, as it's decent munch crunchy popcorn. With the substantive carmale overlay, the popcorn packs a good crunch even though it's kernel-free (or however you would describe the floofiest part of regular popcorn), and hits some rich notes with the chocolate on top of that. Lots and lots of caramel and chocolate, in a highly snackable form. Yum.

Let's keep on the choco-choo-choo by hitting the real winning tidbits here: Little shards of chocolate coated potato chips. Deeeeelish. Addictive. Too few of them so far, though I'm hoping there's a little pocket further down the bag of them. I'd feel like I hit gold. I kinda want to go mining for them, but thats against the rules with snack mixes in our house. You get what you get and you don't get upset...but man, hit me up with these choco-chips anytime. Thick, crunchy, salty, chocolatey. Yum. 

Those first two items have enough chocolate that none is really needed for the mini peanut butter filled pretzels. They're naked, regular, ol' pb pretzel nuggz in baby form. Tasty of course, with a surprising amount of peanut butter sensation despite its diminutive form. Regular sized nuggets would have taken over the feel and texture of the mix, so the smaller sized ones were the right call, despite me craving a touch more peanut butter...

...which perhaps is why there's roasted peanuts in there, too. Yup. Regular ol' roasted peanuts. Not bad at all but what can be said?

Altogether this $4ish grab bag of snacks would be a fine addition to pretty much any occasion. Or, if you're like me, for getting that early to mid afternoon sugar rush to finish out the work day. Or...well..do you really need justification to get it? No way! Treat yo'self. 

Double fours. 

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Sweet & Salty Snack Mix: 8 out of 10 Golden Spoons

 

Trader Joe's Sugar Plum Sparkling Beverage

Plum just isn't a part of daily life for most people. It does come up each year during the Christmas season once or twice. I guess they put it in Christmas pies..? There's that nursery rhyme everybody knows. I think it goes something like this:

Little Jack Horner
Sat in a corner
Drinking his sparkling beverage
It had real plum
So he thought he'd gift some
To his boss for maximum leverage.

Or maybe not. Some people might not even like this stuff. In which case, the rhyme might be more along the lines of:

Little Jack Horner
Sat in a corner
Sippin' on sparkly plum drink
It wasn't that sweet
He thought it tasted like feet
So he spat what was left down the sink.

Or for those who like to get festive with adult beverages:

Big Jack Flair
Sat in a chair
Chugging his Christmas bevvy
He poured in some rum
To mix with his plum
And said, "Man I can't drive my Chevy."

That's right folks. Drink responsibly if you do decide to add something stiff to this sparkling beverage. I'm not even sure what would go with it, honestly. I think it's pretty decent as it is. I immediately thought of cranberry while tasting it for the first time. Sonia thought of raspberry. Now that I think about it, raspberry might be a better comparison. It's not quite as intensely tart as either cranberry or raspberry. It's subtler than that. Just a hint of sour tang and it's also pleasantly sweet, bubbly, and refreshing.

It's festive and Christmassy because it's presented well, and since plum is such a rare ingredient in our food and beverages, it just makes this product seem even more distinguished. This year, it was sort of our toast to the kickoff of the Christmas season. We'd buy again next year and save for Christmas Eve or Christmas Day. Three and a half stars from me, four from Sonia.

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Wine Infused Sea Salt Seasoning Grinder

For years, my grandmother's side of the family would gather all together for Thanksgiving. It was (and still is) a pretty big crew...enough great uncles, aunts, cousins, nieces, nephews, whatever else that we would have to rent an auditorium at a local campground to fit all 70+ plus of us. Huge. Overwhelming. And awesome. It was tradition for each family to bring things, with a whole system worked up by my great uncles and aunts, and it would be tradition for any newlyweds to bring only things like some butter, salt, or at most a veggie tray. You had to earn the right to bring dessert or a turkey. 

Anyways, though we no longer gather together like that any more, and my lovely bride and I aren't exactly newlyweds any more either after our recent double digit anniversary, I really wonder what would have happened if we were ever to be entrusted with bringing salt and pepper, and brought in something like Trader Joe's Wine Infused Sea Salt Seasoning Grinder. 

Probably some of my more conservatively minded aunts would be concerned if the wine in the salt would make them drunk. Probably a few of my uncles would hope it would. Of course, that wouldn't happen...and I'd like to think everyone there would realize it...but there'd be a stir regardless. Russ and Sandy, with their fancy salt. With booze in it. There'd be stories to tell from it, no doubt. 

Anyways, for a big fancy salt grinder, this ain't bad. It's real simple yet somewhat elegantly composed of sea salt infused with rosé, mixed with pink peppercorns and a touch of rosemary. those components all add a nice little savory touch that puts a little extra taste in other than just plain ol' salt. Subtle and nice. i like it. 

Could easily see some sprinkled atop some roasted turkey or stuffing or veggies or whatever else you may want to sprinkle some salt on. Given the rosemary, I'm not sure it'd be a good match for anything going for a salty/sweet combo, like some type of dessert....but as always, I could be wrong. It's only $4.99 for this banana-sized salt grinder too, so I have a feeling we'll have this a while. 

Here's to hoping you and yours have a Happy Thanksgiving. 

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Wine Infused Sea Salt Seasoning Grinder: 8 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Trader Joe's Pumpkin Maple Bacon Flavored Stuffies Dog Treats

If your dogs are like ours, they feel left out during fall while humans gorge themselves on pumpkin and maple flavored stuff, while they generally only have normal dog treats available. Well, thankfully now they're in luck. Trader Joe's has stuffed not just pumpkin, not just maple, but also bacon flavor into these unique autumnal snacks for man's best friend.

I tried a bite. Seriously. They're surprisingly flavorful for dog biscuits. You can actually taste maple flavor. I didn't notice pumpkin or pumpkin spice really. There may have been a subtle trace of cinnamon, but that's about it. There's no bacon flavor per se in my opinion, but there is an unusually smoky element. I'm guessing it's supposed to be like smoked bacon or something. "Iiiit's BACOOOON!" added our dog Alfred, or so I imagine he's thinking behind those big brown eyes now popped wide open, staring at the bag begging for just one more treat...

Years ago, we saw quite a few very large, extraordinarily hard dog cookies from Trader Joe's. We had to snap them in halves or even quarters just to make them manageable for our little monsters.

These treats are much smaller and softer, so they're a little more optimized for small dogs. We still generally break them in two, but it's very easy to do so, and I'm confident even a whole piece wouldn't kill them. If you have a big dog, just give him a couple at a time, and I'm sure Rover will be perfectly happy.

Also, some of our older pet treat reviews had quite a few comments stating that Trader Joe's treats made their pets sick—that they'd vomit or have bowel issues after consumption. Our doggies have fairly sensitive systems, but they've never had any issues with TJ's treats. Granted, we only give them one or two at a time, and I think that's key: moderation, even for canines. But if your pups have ever had issues, by all means, drop a comment down below for the benefit of future readers.

Our dogs both loved these. They'd push each other out of the way just to grab the next treat, with Alfred just a little more enthusiastic than Sadie. So four paw prints from Alfie and three and a half from Sadie.

Sonia and I will each add half a paw print because there's a resealable bag, fun artwork on the packaging, and $3.79 for 14 oz. is a decent value. I think this seasonal product might be done for the year. You might get lucky if your individual store has some overstock, but you'll probably have to wait until fall '22 to get your paws on more Trader Joe's Pumpkin Maple Bacon Flavored Stuffies Dog Treats.

Bottom line: 8.5 out of 10.