Trader Joe's Organic Dark Chocolate Half Coated Rice Cake Thins

There's pretty much only word that comes to mind when it comes to rice cakes, and it's this: BOOOOORRRRRRRRRRIIIINNNNNGGGG. 

That's not meant to be taken offensively, actually. I happen to like rice cakes. But I also like painting trim, sitting on my porch for hours, and baseball, so apparently I have an affinity for boring things. Rice cakes are just kinda plain...nutritious-ish, sure...but kinda tasteless and bland...so boring. Gotta add something to them to liven them up a bit. 

Not bad idea here with Trader Joe's Organic Dark Chocolate Half Coated Rice Cake Thins. Now there's a mouthful of a name. 

Now these hombres are t-h-i-n thin. Maybe a quarter inch at most? Probably thinner. But also way crispier and less airy and Styrofoamy then the usual rice discus. It's kinda a fun texture, especially by rice cake standards. It's almost like a regular rice cake, squared and compressed. I dig. 

Add a half dip of dark chocolate though? Now it's a party. 

It's about the same usual TJ's Belgian dark chocolate-y goodness used in nearly all their dark choc products. I'm gonna guess it's between 65% and 72%. There's still enough sugar to add a tinge of sweetness without being overly bitter, and a smidge of creaminess to help soften it up. The chocolate itself seems to add a lot of balance to the grainy goodness of the rice cake, with one side left exposed so as to not overwhelm or be too decadent. 

But still, true to the rice cake roots, a little something more seems needed.

Slather on a dab of your nut butter of choice? Sure, that'd be awesome. Probably some other toppings too! But really, I'd be happy with just a little sea salt sprinkled atop - not a lot - but just enough to pair well with the rice and dark chocolate as somewhat of a bridge between the two.

But yeah, these chocolate dipped rice cake thins are surprisingly decent, and went down the hatch pretty quickly in our household with assistance from all eligible memebers, without complaint. 

I think they were $1.99? Correct me if i'm wrong. Decent snack and one we'll be sure to grab again, lest we get too bored with te current rotation. I'd say between my lovely bride and I we'd give them a seven overall. 

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Organic Dark Chocolate Half Coated Rice Cake Thins: 7 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Trader Joe's Ube Tea Cookies

Ah, ube. We meet again. It's "the popular purple tuber from the Philippines," according to the back of the box. That's about as good a summary as I could ever come up with. In fact, I don't think I knew ube was from the Philippines, specifically. You learn something new every time you read the spiel on the back of a Trader Joe's product.

You might even pick up a new vocabulary word or two. This box employs the use of the word "toothsome." Nice. Haven't heard that word in a while. But how are the cookies, you ask?

Toothsome enough, I suppose. I guess I should preface this post by saying I'm not really a tea cookie guy. Tea cookies tend to be dry as a rule, and that's why they need to be paired with a beverage. 

I'd prefer soft, moist, fluffy, fresh-baked ube whoopie pies or something like that. But you know, as they say, if wishes were buttercakes, beggars would bite.

As these cookies stand, they're buttery, crumbly, and sweet. There's almost too much powdered sugar in the equation. The ube adds a nice, rich root vegetable flair to an otherwise run-of-the-mill tea cookie experience. 

Taste-wise, though similar in flavor, I don't think I'd put them on par with, say Ube Ice Cream or Ube Waffles, but they're another admirable foray into the realm of violet Asian veggie themed dessert foods, as only Trader Joe's can pull off, or likely even attempt.

If you're into ube a lot, or you don't mind crumbly, powdery shortbread cookies, I say give 'em a whirl. Three stars from me. Four from Sonia.

Bottom line: 7 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Sparkling Watermelon Lemonade Water

 On a hot summer day, what's better for refreshment than an ice cold slice of watermelon?

Not much...except maybe a tall cool glass of lemonade. 

Or, for you Bobby Boucher Jr-inspired purists out there, just some simple sips of water will do. 

Let's make everyone happy and combine 'em all into Trader Joe's Sparkling Watermelon Lemonade Water. Ahhhhh. 

My beautiful bride and I are slamming thru a lot of "fizzy water" as of late. I mean, it's hot. So we're gonna be guzzling case after case, because let's face it. Regular water, while refreshing, gets kinda old after a while. 

In the overarching order of different flavors and brands tried as of late, this TJ's offering falls squarely in the middle. We're getting to be connoisseurs, apparently.

The big issue really is the flavor. While not tinny, harsh and abrasive as some, the flavor just doesn't stick out enough. Not really. There's certainly a mildly sweet hit of watermelon that comes and goes, with a small secondary surge of something kinda like lemon...kinda. It took several sips and "warming up" of the beverage to really taste anything like lemon, and then, it's not really that close to be lemonade. And the watermelon part, while definitely suggestive of watermelon, just isn't quite enough to stand all on its own. 

And I can almost hear it: "how much flavor can you expect out of sparkling water?" Go try a key lime from La Croix. You tell me. 

All that being said, the carbonation is pleasant and on point - not too much, not too little, just right. It adds a nice little something-something for a little extra fulfillment out of a drink, and hits one of soda's satisfaction points without really any of the pop pitfalls. 

An eight can case is less than $3 and will keep ya going for a few days, so there's that. I'm sure we'll buy this again in our never ending rotation. Double threes. 

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Sparkling Watermelon Lemonade Water: 6 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Trader Joe's Crisp Crunchy Crisps

Inflation is here, friends. I'm sure you've noticed your grocery bill going up lately. Even if you're buying the exact same stuff week after week, the prices keep rising, slowly but surely. Or, in some cases, the manufacturers simply put less of the product in the packaging and keep prices on an even keel. You know, like a bag of chips—they can fill it with fewer and fewer chips and then literally inflate the rest of the bag with air...which may very well be the case here.

I mean, I've never purchased this product before, and I'm pretty sure it's new-ish, but that's what strikes me first about the product before even opening the bag: it's barely even half full of crisps. For $2.29, these things better be good.  Made primarily of pea, potato, and chickpea flours, these chips are unique, if nothing else. At first bite, I thought they were a bit boring and maybe a little bland. I expected them to have a more pungent, earthy array of flavors, but found them to be more like plain rice crackers.

After shoveling a few more crisps down the hatch, I started to taste that pea-ish earthiness that I expected up front. It's there. It's just more subtle than I was expecting at first. They're moderately salty, as well. Maybe even a tad too salty. 

True to their name, they are indeed crispy...er, crisp...and crunchy. Gosh, I mean, these would have been a complete failure if they had been soggy or soft or chewy. The bag says to try pairing them with your favorite dips. I did. They do go well with things like guac or corn and bean salsas. Their subtle taste lets the spiciness of the condiment shine through and provides a nice crunchy vehicle for consumption. Though somewhat airy, they're not as brittle as you might assume, so they can carry a dollop of dip without breaking...at least not every time.

Sonia liked them un poquito mas than I did at first, but they definitely grew on me. By the end of the bag, I was pining for more. I do still wish they tasted a tad more like actual chickpeas. 

Four stars from the wifey. Three and a half stars from yours truly.

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Strawberry Shortcake Sandwich Cookies

 Ever take a bite of something and wonder how much butter is in it? It'd be easy to gauge if that something were an actual butterstick (which i may or may not have done in my youth), but, like, anything else?

That was my very first thought with Trader Joe's Strawberry Shortcake Sandwich Cookies. 

Holy moly. There's enough butter in there to make Paula Deen blush. And it's not even that the cookies taste all that buttery - they do, but no overly so - but in that each like crook and nanny of the shortbread cookies exude so much rich crumbliness or creaminess that there's only one possible culprit: butter. 

Take the actual cookie. As my lovely bride described perfectly, they're just the right amount of sandy and crumbly, with a little melt-in-your-mouth crispiness. The little "strawberry studs" interspersed through out do add a small element of occasional chewiness but it all melds together very tastefully. And, wow, the cookies are extremely sweet too - all that strawberry and "natural flavors" (c'mon now) in there, as if one of God's tastiest fruits needed any help. These cookies would be pretty spectacular even by themselves...

But then there's the filling. It's...very vibrantly pink. And super berryful. the frosting is rich and thick and creamy...and sweet. Very, very sweet, almost too much. It'd be pretty great by itself - it's a great buttercream. Super tasty. 

But there's the rub. Together, the cookies and buttercream go just a little too far when combined. It's a bit overkill. Personally, I would have preferred keeping the filling as is but using a more subdued version of a shortbread cookie. Something a little more reserved and toned down - the same texture, of course, but less rich and fancy and delectable. Sometimes taking off a little adds more, and that, in my one only vaguely qualified opinion, would be the case here. 

That being said, my kids loved them as we went for an evening stroll the other night. On a nice night, going on a walk to the local creek with a super sugary treat can't be beat, at least not with my crew. They're the perfect sized treat for a small hand, as long as it's attached to someone who ate a good dinner. And the richness strikes deep enough that truly one seems enough for a grownup too. 

And apropos of nothing, a key lime pie version of these cookies would be ABSOLUTELY KILLER.

When all said it done, it won't take much buttering up to make these cookies a repeat buy. 

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Strawberry Shortcake Sandwich Cookies: 8 out of 10 Golden Spoons

 

Trader Joe's Vegan Bolognese Style Pasta Sauce

Funfact: when Sonia was young, her elementary school classmates emotionally scarred her by calling her "Sonia Bologna" on the playground. 

Another funfact: her husband would resurrect the nickname many years later, you know, just because. 

Yet another funfact: Sonia and her husband would enjoy a pasta sauce from her namesake city of Bologna even further into the future—in late May of 2021, just yesterday, in fact.

This is actually the second Bolognese sauce we've reviewed from Trader Joe's over the years. The first one was made with turkey. This one is made with "meatless plant-based crumbles." From what I've read, it's a sauce that's traditionally made with beef...but enough cows and octopuses have given their lives for the advancement of Trader Joe's brand online criticism this week. Time for a vegan option.

Although it's not really apparent in the picture, the sauce contains a fair amount of the meatless chunks mentioned above, along with plenty of veggie pieces, too. The pea protein-based crumbles flaunt a mouthfeel somewhere between an actual bite of ground beef and a very small cube of tofu. 

The sauce coats the pasta fairly evenly. While not super thick, it's chunky enough to remain hearty.

There's a rich, tomatoey flavor. The blend of spices is somewhat milder than I expected for an Italian-inspired pasta sauce. I remember tasting lots of fennel in the turkey Bolognese—almost as if it contained bits of black licorice. That's not the case here. The overall flavor is more oniony and garlicky, with notes of less pungent elements like basil and celery.

$3.99 for 18 oz of sauce, easily enough for dinner for two to four people. We ate ours atop some large spiral pasta and were pleasantly surprised. Might buy again.

Three and a half stars a piece from Sonia and me.

Bottom line: 7 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Wild Caught Cooked Atlantic Octopus

Okay, sorry, story time. It's cute, don't worry. For many nights over the past few weeks, at bedtime, i've had to spend ample time convincing one of my young kids that no, a giant octopus was not going to eat her overnight. I have no idea where she got that idea. I've "locked" the door and put her other stuffed animals on guard. I've made magic protective spells. I've even reminded here that here in Pittsburgh we live nowhere near an ocean. Doesn't matter. She had legit fear that a giant octopus was gonna come eat her. Even if Daddy was bigger and tastier looking, as I also reminded her. Nothing worked...

...until Trader Joe's Wild Caught Cooked Atlantic Octopus debuted in freezers a couple weeks back. "Look, sweetie!" I exclaimed. "Trader Joe's caught the giant octopus! We're safe!"

She totally bought that, then in toddler logic deduced that if the giant octopus can no longer eat us, we should eat the giant octopus. I thought she was joking but she insisted for weeks that we buy it to eat it. Finally, we relented.

And know what? We'd do it again. 

Granted, it can be somewhat of a visually challenging buy. I mean: tentacles, right? Gulp. 

But thaw it out and warm it up. As it says, fully cooked, which saves a few hours of prep from raw. We decided to make a simple "salad" of sorts with red onion, cucumber, and grilled octopus, prepped with just a little EVOO and salt and pepper. The octopus itself is firmer than we thought - sort of like a cross between calamari and a chicken sausage - while being extremely mild. No fishiness or anything. Likely if marinated, it'd soak up whatever flavor it was swimming in. Okay, not sure I like that visual either...my bad. 

And there's no rubberiness or anything, and as my lovely bride stated, even when chewing on a tentacle, it's the same feel in your mouth. Your teeth don't know the difference. If it's just a bit much, though, the tentacles can be removed easily enough which we did for our kids to get them to eat a bite before rewarding them with a hot dog. More octopus for us and happy kids. Win win. 

And our kid who begged for the octopus? We let her have first bite. She popped it in, amde a face, spat it promptly out, then said she loved it but had to twist her arm to eat it the rest of the meal, only for her to state afterwards it was her favorite. Yeah, I don't know either. 

Anyways, the eight ounce package is enough for two servings and costs $8.99. Seems reasonable compared to most seafood, and a buy we'd make again. Would love to hear ideas of how you all may have enjoyed the TJ's octopus, so share away. Double fours. 

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Wild Caught Cooked Atlantic Octopus: 8 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Trader Joe's Carne Asada Burritos

A lot of my gringo friends think I must be eating things like tacos, nachos, and carne asada burritos on the regular since I'm married to a Latina of Mexican descent. While I am treated to an authentic dish from time to time, courtesy of the beautiful wifey or possibly her mom, it's usually a dish native to southern Mexico, specifically the state of Oaxaca. We're talking stuff like salsa de queso and tlayuda topped with quesillo cheese. Yum.

While similar to the cuisine of northern Mexico, the food my wife's family makes only occasionally contains red meat and is virtually never presented in a burrito-type format. All that to say, we're not really carne asada burrito experts or connoisseurs, although living in Los Angeles for seven years and thirty-one years, respectively, might mean we've had more decent Mexican food than the average American. If I have only one good thing to say about SoCal, it's that there's plenty of well-above-par Mexican at surprisingly affordable prices, if you know where to look.

After resisting the urge to heat the burritos in the air fryer, I opted for the oven. 20 minutes at 450 degrees as per the heating instructions yielded a warm outer shell and a nearly-still-frozen center. So I continued heating.

Another ten minutes at 450 seemed to do the trick. I tried the burrito plain at first. The meat was a little gristly. If I'm going to eat beef, I prefer it ground. If it's steak or carne asada, I'm not a big fan of wads of fat and sinewy textures. There was definitely a bit of that here. If you don't mind your meat a tad chewy, at least I can tell you there's plenty of it—at least one or two chunks of carne in every bite. 

Taste-wise, the blend of onions, chiles, and cilantro was underwhelming. There's a very mild heat and just a moderate amount of extra savory flavors. The product needed cheese, salsa, and sour cream to be truly palatable for either of us.

In the end, we each finished our burrito in one sitting, but we wound up giving any beef chunks that floated out of the crispy shell to the dogs, who didn't mind the bit of gristle at all.

$4.99 for two burritos. Two stars a piece on this one. Not a repeat purchase.

Bottom line: 4 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Southern Peach Crisp Ice Cream

 It's May in Pittsburgh. Know why they call it that? It *may* freeze. It *may* rain. Heck it *may* hail or flood. With a little luck it *may* be springlike for a few days...before it *may* get hot and burny and kinda gross. At least it's not awfully humid yet. And I just *may* live in an old brick house that two weeks ago I was pumping the heat in to keep it above freezing and now wish my our stackpipe didn't burst a few weeks ago, kinda depleting our extra funds for some HVAC stuff...including emphasis on the AC. 

Ugh. it just *may* be another long, hot summer we're just starting. Get the ice cream. 

Specifically...get the new Trader Joe's Southern Peach Crisp Ice Cream. 

Ho. Lee. Sheet. It's been a hot minute since TJ's debuted an ice cream that truly impressed us - we're kinda snobby when it comes to our frozen scoops. the wait is over. Soft and creamy right out of the freezer, and a palty $2.99 a pint, this is gonna be my lovely bride's and my ticket to chill this summer. 

The sweet cream base is 100% on point, and the right call. Vanilla would have been a bit too plain, and while something like a bourbon base would be a bold strategy (and welcomed here!), there's perhaps a bit too much risk for the masses. Sweet cream? Don't mind if ya do! Soft, sweet, creamy, and perfectly delish in its own right. Nom.

Add in some peach puree, though? Great touch! We didn't hit much of a vein our carton, but we had was a great touch. Peachy keen. At certain points, the classic combo of peaches and cream approached the point of perhaps a little too cloyingly sweet, but it never strayed over the line. Even more delish. Nomnom. 

But wait...there's more. 'Crunchy buttery oat crisp"? Shut the front door. YES. Though somehow amiss in my photo, there's ample little pebbles and dust and itty bitty clumps of this around. A little salty, earthy, oaty, buttery, crispy, brown sugar and cinnamony - all classic, and amazing, and really puts the final touch on the whole scoop. It's irresistibly good, and adds the impression of peach pie a la mode...except a lot more ice cream.  Nomnomnomnomnom...I could go on...

Love it. Maybe have bourbon on the side. Awesome ice cream. If this were an option at a local ice cream stand, we'd go often for it. Still gonna support local this summer, absolutely, but there's nothing wrong with having a sure thing at home. No real complaints except maybe a touch more peach, but the mileage may vary in your own respective carton. Go get it, you won't regret it. No ifs, ands, buts, or *may*s about it. 

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Southern Peach Crisp Ice Cream: 9 out of 10 Golden Spoons