Trader Joe's Boozy Bottles

To tell you the truth, I don't know that I've ever had cognac prior to these little candies. I always think of that old Tim Meadows sketch on SNL, The Ladies Man, where he'd sip his Courvoisier cognac. It's a French liqueur, and it's a type of brandy. Other than that, I don't know much about it.

Obviously, these boozy bottles are being presented a little differently, but they remind me quite a bit of Trader Joe's now defunct Brandy Beans. The dark chocolate is semi-sweet, and so is the liquor by my reckoning. Pretty interesting combo in both cases.

The box says the alcohol by volume is in the ballpark of 3%. That's apparently enough to give some folks a buzz, therefore this product can't be sold to anyone under 21 years of age. I don't know for sure, but I'd go out on a limb and guess that it's not even sold at the Trader Joe's locations that don't carry alcoholic beverages.*

I only had one or two bottles at a time, and as you can see they are quite small. I certainly didn't get buzzed, but there is definitely a strong alcohol flavor to the chocolates. I'd say they're about half full of cognac, and it will spill right out if you bite the candy in half. If you don't like booze at all, you probably won't enjoy these. The beautiful wifey and I do enjoy alcoholic beverages in moderation, so we thought these were pretty good.

Here's an occasion where I'll admit dark chocolate works better than its sweeter cousins. I think the flavor of milk chocolate might get lost underneath the strong punch of the cognac. Dark chocolate balances it out fairly well.

$3.99 for nine little boozy bottles. Imported from France. The novelty factor is very high with this product, and it tastes pretty darn good, too. We would buy again. Eight out of ten stars from me for Trader Joe's Boozy Bottles. Sonia will throw out nine stars.

Bottom line: 8.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's German Iced Gingerbread Soft Spiced Cookies

These were near the checkout area at Trader Joe's on our last run. "German Iced Gingerbread Soft Spiced Cookies." Awesome. Sounds delicious. And they're soft...it's like a dream come true!

Except by "soft," they mean totally not soft. Like they're the same texture as gingersnaps or run-of-the-mill crispy cookies. I mean, they're not super hard...but they're by no means "soft" and honestly, they're a little on the dry side.

It's too bad because they taste really good. The icing makes them nice and sweet. The ginger flavor is just about perfect—not too strong, not too weak. They go great with coffee. There are actually two individually wrapped "cookies" in the box which helps keep the second one fresher longer. They're quite large. Each pastry is three servings a piece. They're like the same shape as a Pop-Tart but just a bit bigger in every dimension.

I'm not sure we would have purchased them if they hadn't so boldly proclaimed themselves "soft," but in the end, that's really our only complaint. There are just so many cookies of every kind floating around at Trader Joe's and everywhere else this time of year, it takes something extraordinarily special to get top marks on this blog. Unfortunately, we can only recommend these if you don't mind crunchy cookies or if you're looking for a spiced international treat to dunk in your java.

Product of Germany. $3.49 for the six serving box. Might make a decent stocking stuffer or cheap gift. Seven out of ten stars from Sonia and me for Trader Joe's German Iced Gingerbread Cookies.

Bottom line: 7 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Winter Sangria Sparkling Water

More seasonal water from Trader Joe's. Get it while supplies last. Is winter sangria a thing? This water tastes like year-round sangria to me. It's like a faint fruit punch flavor with maybe a slight emphasis on grape—you know, like wine...sorta.

There's nothing to suggest that it's alcoholic or that it's even trying to emulate an alcoholic beverage. And I mean, in terms of alcohol flavor, even regular sangria isn't very potent. You're mixing like maybe 13% ABV red wine with zero alcohol fruit punch, so it's maybe in the ballpark of 5% alcohol depending on your wine to punch ratio. I digress.

This flavor is fine. It's festive, I guess. There's a bit of an aftertaste that I'm not a huge fan of, but it's not a deal-breaker. It's not that intense. I'd buy again next winter.

$3.49 for eight 12 oz cans. Kosher. Wouldn't all water be kosher, though? I guess not. I just Googled that real quick and I'm not even gonna touch that on here. We give this flavored water seven and a half out of ten stars.

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Dark Chocolate Covered Peppermint Cremes

Peppermint is seasonally appropriate this time of year, and I must admit it pairs up pretty well with chocolate. Still, it's never been my personal favorite. I'm usually underwhelmed by peppermint and chocolate combos, with a few notable exceptions, namely: Bittersweet Mint ice cream from the Berkey Creamery, and Trader Joe's Peppermint Hot Chocolate in the big green tin that's been available around the holidays for quite some time now.

Here's the part where I tell you I like milk chocolate more than dark chocolate and you look down on me and think about clicking over to another review. But you can't say I don't give it chance after chance after chance. I mean half of Trader Joe's offerings are slathered in dark chocolate. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn't. Maybe even occasionally I'll admit dark chocolate works better than milk chocolate for certain applications.

I think I'd still like to try a milk chocolate version of these, but dark chocolate gets the job done. They're more minty than chocolatey by my estimation, thanks to not only a generous glob of peppermint creme in their centers but also the little candy bits all over their outsides. Certain specimens seemed fatter than others, and those seemed to have a tad more minty creme in their middles than the flatter ones.

I was wondering what exactly "peppermint creme" would look and taste like. It's pretty much a dead ringer for the stuff that's in the middle of a York Peppermint Patty. I might even go out on a limb and say that if you like Peppermint Patties and dark chocolate, you'll enjoy these most definitely. The creamy center is our favorite part of the candy by far. Still, I'll tire of them after two or three pieces, but they were fun to try and would be something I'd keep in the back of my mind as a stocking stuffer or a contribution to an under $5 white elephant party or something like that.

$3.99 for 15 peppermint cremes. Kosher. Put me down for seven out of ten stars for Trader Joe's Dark Chocolate Covered Peppermint Cremes. I might have gone with something higher if it had been milk chocolate. Sonia will go with seven out of ten as well, stating that they would have gotten an eight but that the candy cane bits hurt her teeth.

Bottom line: 7 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Coffee Panna Cotta

Dang. No wonder they want you to take that stuff out of the little cup and turn it upside down. It looks just like Fancy Feast sitting in there. Not particularly appetizing.

It wasn't quite the flavor extravaganza we were hoping it was, but it tastes a lot better than it looks. Coffee flavored, but not over the top. Sweet, but honestly it could have been a bit sweeter. Sonia wanted the syrup to be a lot thicker and wouldn't have minded more of it.

That's why I think it's better to eat it straight out of the cup. You don't lose any of the sauce that way. The presentation isn't nearly as nice, but unless you're trying to impress somebody, there's really no reason to flip it over and have the dark brown liquid slide all over your plate.

There was a peach and blueberry panna cotta at Trader Joe's years and years ago. Sonia and I both liked that one better than this one. I thought for sure the beautiful wifey would favor this one, but no. She agrees the fruit flavors worked better. She thinks maybe a true espresso panna cotta might be good with heavier coffee undertones and more sugar. She prefers good old Mexican flan to this stuff.

$3.49 for two single serving cups, found in the refrigerated section. It's not bad, but we probably wouldn't buy again. Italian-inspired, but not imported from Italy. Seven out of ten stars from both of us on Trader Joe's Coffee Panna Cotta.

Bottom line: 7 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Sous Vide Turkey Breast Tenderloins

Well, shoot. I liked these quite a bit. I don't even know what sous vide (soo-veed) means. I even looked it up and I'm still confused. Rather than regurgitate what I just read on Wikipedia, I'll let you decipher the French phrase yourself...something about cooking meat for a long time at a low-ish temperature.

But all we had to do was heat these medallions up for 8 minutes or so in a sauce pan. When it's just two people, an entire turkey is overkill even for Thanksgiving. Trader Joe took away our Turkey & Stuffing En Croute, so what's a couple to do? This product was perfect.

But Thanksgiving is over, you say? Why review it now? Well, there are a few other holidays creeping up on us before the end of 2024, and this review will still be floating here in cyberspace when Thanksgiving 2025 rolls around. We're just here to tell you that Trader Joe's Sous Vide Turkey Breast Tenderloins get our seal of approval.

They didn't go crazy with seasoning here: just some soybean oil, onion, garlic, and salt. The meat was cooked to perfection, nice and even. It was all white meat, which I love. Even the little chunks of meat were convenient for serving and consuming. While they're more than a mouthful each, they were very easy to cut into smaller bite-sized pieces.

It was $8.99 for the package. Sonia and I ate our fill and still had some leftovers. It's obviously much less work than cooking a whole turkey and slightly cheaper. Plus, there's no greasy dark meat or bones to deal with. Would buy again. Sonia and I give Trader Joe's Sous Vide Turkey Breast Tenderloins 8 out of 10 stars.

Bottom line: 8 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Shimmering Candy Cane Body Butter and Trader Joe's Pumpkin Body Butter

Body butter. I don't think I've ever used body butter. Isn't that basically just a fancy way to say "moisturizer"? Marketing gimmick if you ask me.

If you ask the beautiful wifey, she'll say these products are great. Six bucks each. Apparently they charge like a thousand times that much at fancy cosmetics places.

Pumpkin for fall and Candy Cane for the holiday season. Sounds fun. And I must admit they do smell good. I think they're more feminine than masculine, though. Watch the video review below to find out what fragrances of body butter I'd like to see from Trader Joe's as a dude.

This might be only the second non-food review we've done on this blog in 15 years. See: Trader Joe's Camel Milk Soap and Trader Joe's Mouth Wash with Tea Tree Oil. Pretty sure neither of those is available anymore.

Hygiene is important. Should we start reviewing stuff like toilet paper and tissues? We can't keep up with all the food as it is. If you have any requests, just let us know in the comments. 

As part of our Cyber Monday sale, subscriptions to our YouTube channel are absolutely free today! All you have to do is click the "subscribe" button below the video or on our YouTube profile page. No credit cards required. Get access to each and every one of our video reviews absolutely FREE!

Sonia gives Trader Joe's Pumpkin Body Butter 9 out of 10 stars.

She gives Trader Joe's Shimmering Candy Cane Body Butter 8 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Cranberry Ginger Chutney

Well, Thanksgiving is tomorrow and as always, there's a ton to be thankful for. Even in the darkest of times, there are always good people and circumstances that can be appreciated. My heart is truly filled with gratitude as Sonia and I focus on our blessings and prepare for our Turkey Day feast. And with that, I leave you with this mostly negative review.

Trader Joe's Cranberry Ginger Chutney tastes like a chunky-style apple cider vinegar beverage. I can see what they were going for but I'm not fond of the execution. It's way too vinegary for me. We both love Indian food and Indian spices in general, but this? Sonia was way more positive than I was, but I don't think either of us would buy it again.

The cranberry and ginger aspects work quite well. There are nearly whole cranberries in certain bites. The raw ginger and tart cran flavors offset the sweetness and there's just a whisper of bite from the cayenne. It's that sour acidity from the vinegar that throws me off.

It'll be just the two of us tomorrow. I don't know who I pity more: those of you who will be completely alone on Thanksgiving Day or those of you who have more than a handful of relatives to tolerate, LOL. Either way, we'll be with you in spirit. Thanks for reading and have a happy Thanksgiving!

Sonia's score: 6.5 out of 10.

Nathan's score: 5 out of 10.