Trader Joe's Chai Tea Mints

Kind of a random little last-minute checkout stand kind of purchase here. I like mints. I like the flavor of chai tea. But I've never really craved a mint that tasted like chai.

But if Trader Joe's says I need chai tea mints, then maybe I need chai tea mints. Why not?

They're about the size of your average Altoid or other brand name mint. They are leaf-shaped and have leaf veins on one side and "TJ" on the other.

The taste? Hmmm. Kinda odd. I see where they get "chai" from, for sure. I guess it's the cardamom and black tea. You can taste it immediately. Later, you can taste the hint of peppermint oil mentioned on the ingredients list. There's something chalky both in taste and texture throughout the whole experience, though. I find it rather unpalatable. Is it the calcium stearate?

Do they even freshen your breath? Well, kinda. I guess it's better to smell like a chai tea latte than garlic, onions, and tuna fish...I mean, if that's, in fact, what you had for lunch...

About two bucks for a tiny tin of chai flavored mints. There are supposedly 57 pieces in there. Vegan. Would not buy again. Two and a half stars from me.

Sonia likes them enough. In regards to the discrepancy, she states, "Well, I like chai." I do too, wifey. However, I don't like chalk. She claims she doesn't detect the chalkiness. Four stars from her.

Bottom line: 6.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Chromatic Celebration Cake & Baking Mix

I've often referred to myself as a "foodie-hack" on this blog and drawn attention to the fact that I'm not particularly skilled in the culinary arts. I managed to pull off some relatively photogenic cupcakes a few weeks ago but that, friends, was the exception to the rule.

Although I didn't completely butcher this batch of baked goods, I came close to it. The bag of frosting mix and the bag of cake mix weren't labeled individually, and I nearly poured the frosting base in with the eggs, milk, and oil and put it in the oven. I mean, the cake mix was yellowish and the frosting mix was white, but hey, the frosting in the Spring Cupcakes changed colors after mixing it with butter...so looks can be deceiving.

In the end I guessed correctly that the yellow mix was the cake. And fortunately, the cake part came out halfway decent yet again. It was yellow and fluffy and had lots of colored speckles all through it.

The frosting in Trader Joe's Chromatic Celebration Mix was even runnier this time. And it was oily somehow. If anything, I erred on the side of less butter than was called for, but the mix tasted and looked like there was excess butter. Maybe I didn't mix it long enough.

Also, the box made it clear to use "room temperature" butter. We only had frozen sticks of butter. I thought, "Ha. Room temperature? That's not gonna happen!" and I nuked my stick and 3/4 of butter and started mixing away. I also added the sprinkles to the frosting mixture itself before plopping it on the cupcakes, and um, well, they mostly dissolved. So that's why I opted to show you the interior of one of our cupcakes, complete with lovely colored speckles, with a few dollops of buttery off-white frosting dispersed around the base of the delicacy on the plate instead of the finished iced cupcake with colorful frosting.

Most of our readers could probably bake something like this with their eyes closed. But it seems the Spring Cupcake Mix was slightly more idiot-proof than this colorful concoction. And yes, that's me. I'm the idiot.

But they taste pretty good if I do say so myself. Pretty much your typical yellow vanilla cake mix. $4.99 for the box. Needs 2 eggs, 3/4 cup milk, 1/2 cup oil, and 14 Tbsp butter. Fun. Colorful. Would make a nice Easter treat. Four stars from the beautiful wifey. Three and a half from me on Trader Joe's Chromatic Celebration Cake & Baking Mix.

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Coffee & Dark Chocolate Joe-Joe's

At a quick glance, this is at least the 15th iteration of Joe-Joe's sandwich cookies that we've reviewed on this blog. And that's not including the Joe-Joe's derivative products like ice cream, cereal, and beverages that flaunt the Joe-Joe's moniker and/or contain chunks of real Joe-Joe's cookies.

That's a lot of dang cookies.

So if we're tough graders on a perfectly delicious product, it's only because Trader Joe's needs to keep setting the bar higher and higher with each Joe-Joe's product. Because what's the point of introducing new Joe-Joe's and discontinuing old ones if not to offer a better and better cookie?

I mean, honestly, Trader Joe's Joe-Joe's Chocolate Sandwich Cookies with Coffee Creme are really decent treats. They're heavy. Dense. Rich. Sonia likes the word "decadent," but I think it's overused. I mean, it's certainly applicable here, but I feel like the word "indulgent" is more appropriate somehow. I guess they mean about the same thing in the end.

Maybe we're just getting older and more boring but we each had a single cookie from the sleeve and said, "Wow. I'm done." I washed mine down with cold milk. Sonia chased hers with hot coffee. There's just so much sugar and chocolate and cookie and coffee crammed in there, just a few bites are enough to satisfy our sweet tooths. Er, sweet teeth?

There's definitely a mocha vibe. Dark chocolate and real ground coffee beans will do that. I feel like the chocolate is slightly dominant. There's "white confectionary coating" and vanilla flavors in the mix, too, so it's not a bitter dark chocolate flavor at all. It's about as candy-esque as dark chocolate gets. And then there are whispers of coffee here and there, mostly in the creamy core of the cookie.

I'm sure the interzones are ablaze with the praises of Trader Joe's Coffee and Dark Chocolate Joe-Joe's. If it's your first time at the Joe-Joe's rodeo or you just really like mocha stuff, it's a safe bet you're gonna love these. Sonia and I will easily finish the box over the next few days, but we agree it's not a re-purchase for us.

$3.49 for eight cookies. Three and a half stars a piece for <breathes in> Trader Joe's Coffee & Dark Chocolate Joe-Joe's Chocolate Sandwich Cookies with Coffee Creme in a Dark Chocolate and Coffee Coating <breathes out> from Sonia and me.

Bottom line: 7 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Egg Shaped Soaps

I thought about putting this review up for April Fools' Day and acting like I tried to make an omelette out of these soap eggs. But meh, the first day of April fell on a Saturday this year and we generally don't post on Saturdays and it would so obviously be a joke, it wouldn't really fool anybody. So I decided to make this an early Easter post instead.

We've only done a couple other non-food, non-beverage reviews throughout this blog's 12 and a half year history. We looked at one other type of soap, some mouthwash, and of course, the Grump Tree. So why look at Trader Joe's Egg Shaped Soaps? Because they're Easter-ish, and because I felt like it.

Just like real eggs, these come in a carton. There are only two eggs here, though, instead of a dozen. The fragrances are really nice. The pinkish-purplish egg is lavender & honey while the blue-green one is blueberry. They just smell like really expensive decorative soaps.

Like if I were a suburbanite trophy wife soccer mom, I'd totally get a basket, fill it with that fake plastic green Easter grass and buy like a dozen of these eggs. I think I'd unwrap them before placing them in the basket just so the smell would bowl you over as you walked into the bathroom. I'd never let anyone actually use them as soap and would break them out each spring, year after year, and everybody in town would talk about how great my bathroom smells around Easter.

But I'm a dude, so I just unwrapped them and started scrubbing away in the shower. And what do you know? They're good for cleaning your body and face and stuff, too. And after your shower, you smell like lavender & honey and/or blueberries. I guess the scents are a little feminine, but after throwing on deodorant and body spray, the residual smell isn't really detectable.

Sonia likes 'em. She's the one that bought them. I don't know what it is with women and decorative soaps. At least she lets me use them as actual soap. Props to you, wifey.

$2.69 for two egg-shaped soaps. Four out of five stars a piece for Trader Joe's Egg Soaps.

Bottom line: 8 out of 10.

Trader Joe's PB&C Snack Duo

When snacks like this come along, I kinda wish I was in junior high school again, brown bagging my food. I'd pop out a treat like this one and all the kids would be like, "Whoa. What's that? I wanna try it!" And then I'd use the leverage to work out totally unfair lunch table bargains involving entire sandwiches being traded for only a singular exotic cocoa stick dipped in peanut butter. Feel free to give your kids the idea if they aspire to be some kind of cafeteria warlord or something. Or feel free to try it at your place of employment if you work on site. Just be sure to give your boss one stick for free so he'll look the other way as you clean out your co-workers.

Following in the footsteps of Trader Joe's PB&J Snack Duo, this new chocolate and peanut butter creation is the same concept, but with cocoa creme sticks and real peanut butter dip replacing peanut butter wafer sticks and raspberry jelly.

Improvements: the jelly in the last iteration was messy and sticky. The peanut butter in this product is less so. I like my snacks to have a lot of peanut butter flavor, so actual peanut butter is nice. This product seems more filling to me somehow. There's protein in peanut butter, so that could be part of it. And if there's one flavor combo I generally prefer over peanut butter and jelly, it's peanut butter and chocolate.

What's worse: the cocoa creme wafer sticks are okay, but they're nothing to write home about. They remind me a bit of Trader Joe's Petite Cocoa Batons. I guess I prefer the peanut butter creme wafer sticks. But if we had those again here, we'd have to call this product Trader Joe's PB&PB Snack Duo instead of Trader Joe's PB&C Snack Duo.

What's about the same: the sticks still want to snap in half when dunked in the dip. You really have to be gentle and slow, or you have to know exactly where to brace the stick so it won't break. It's a silly complaint, I know. But half of you wouldn't come here if not for the silliness.

In the end, Sonia likes these about the same as the PB&J dealies. And I should mention at this point that the PB&J Snack Duo has become an extremely regular purchase at our house. Like, Sonia picks them up every single time she goes to TJ's. I have a feeling these might become a regular purchase as well.

$3.99 for 6 packs of 8 sticks a piece. Certified kosher. Four and a half stars from Sonia on Trader Joe's PB&C Snack Duo. I guess I'll throw out four like I did for the previous iteration.

Bottom line: 8.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Bananas Bananas! Candy

It's been a hot minute since we reviewed the classic Trader Joe's Gone Bananas! on this blog, but Sonia and I have purchased them many times since. They're still one of my personal favorite Trader Joe's items of all time. So naturally, I had to try this similarly named, similarly packaged candy featuring chocolate and banana flavors.

This one's shelf stable instead of frozen. There's plenty of chocolate here, but no real bananas. The only fruit presence is in the form of "banana powder." Doesn't sound super appetizing, but let's dig in anyway, shall we?

First impression: yum! There's a definite surge of banana flavor in the center of these candies. It's not quite like real banana, but it's close enough that you wouldn't mistake it for any other fruit. It's enough to balance out the abundant milk chocolate taste but doesn't dampen its potency.

The outer chocolate shell is firm but not too hard. The filling is only slightly softer. It's called "creme" but it's more al dente than a typical cream filling. Can I use "al dente" in a context unrelated to pasta? It just means "firm when bitten," right? I'm going with it either way. Al dente candy is a thing now...just because I said so.

There are also little crunchy things in the center of the mini-bananas. I might have guessed it was crispy rice, but I'm thinking now it's the cocoa nibs. I like 'em, although I think crisp, toasted rice would have worked at least as well. The nibs just get lost in the sea of chocolate, cocoa, and more chocolate.

The verdict? Worth a purchase or two for sure. Not as good as the original Gone Bananas! but few things are, at Trader Joe's or anywhere for that matter. $3.29 for 5 oz of banana flavored candy. No need for refrigeration or freezing. Might be a nice treat for school lunches or a hike in cool weather. I wouldn't think of these as a summer snack as much since the chocolate would no doubt get messy. The bag is resealable and the artwork on the packaging is fun. Four stars a piece from Sonia and me.

Bottom line: 8 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Spring Cupcake Mix

I have no idea if this product is back on Trader Joe's shelves again this year. They discontinue good stuff at the drop of a hat. Even if it's not back this spring, there's always a chance they'll bring it back in the future at some point, so just go ahead and read the review anyway and pretend it's relevant now. Mmkay? Thanks.

I procured my box by traveling back in time to Spring 2022. You didn't know I had a time machine? I've mentioned it before. I call it the magical DeLorean TARDIS time sled hot tub. Super original, right? I decided to pick up a box of this mix this year because I was unable to get my hands on one last spring.

And I'm glad I did. It's a tasty product. Some assembly required, of course. Also eggs, water, butter, and milk. Twenty-two minutes in the oven at 350° and we're in business.

Trader Joe's Spring Cupcakes came out super moist, sweet, and vanilla-y. The green frosting was a little runny at first, but after congealing in the fridge for a half hour or so, it got nice and spreadable. Oh—that's another thing: the frosting mix is white, but when you mix it with butter, it turns green. It's like a far-out science experiment. I can't even explain it...and I built a time machine.

There's nothing oily or cheap or sub-par about these cupcakes. Nothing that tastes off. Well, now that I say that, those little egg candies didn't blend so well with the other elements, texture or flavor-wise. They have a candy shell with dark chocolate and caramel within. There's nothing wrong with them, really. They just feel like an unnecessary gimmick that got thrown in at the last second to make the product feel more Eastery or springy or something.

$4.99 for the box of cake mix, frosting mix, and little dark chocolate caramel egg candies. Four stars a piece from Sonia and me for Trader Joe's Spring Cupcake Mix. And for those of you who wonder why I can't use my time machine to go forward to see whether TJ's brings this product back or not—well, of course I can. But there's no telling whether the timeline we wind up on as a collective is the same one I'll travel to in order to do product recon. I have seen at least one tangent universe where this product is back. But I've seen a bunch where it's not. In essence, the future isn't set in stone. Anyway, Sonia gives this product four out of five stars. I, John Titor, er...I mean Nathan, give this product four stars as well.

Bottom line: 8 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Dark Chocolate Bark

I like my chocolate like I like my women: dark and chunky. 

Ha, no. I can't even right now. I like my women petite, like my Sonia. And I actually prefer white chocolate. I just always wanted to say "I like my women like I like some food or beverage." I tried it once long ago, and it didn't work then either.

Seriously, though: a quick internet search will reveal that dark chocolate is the best kind of chocolate for raising serotonin levels in the body. Among other things, it's the chemical that regulates emotions, appetite, and sleep cycles. So despite a preference for the taste of white or milk chocolate, there are other reasons why I might reach for the dark variety once in a while.

And there's plenty of dark chocolate in this little bag of bark. There are big slabs of the stuff—mostly quadrilateral shapes. I'd say each chunk is at least four bites a piece, and I'd say the vast majority of the product is nothing but chocolate.

There are definitely almond and pretzel bits in every hunk, but the average bite only contains a teensy crumb of either almond or pretzel. It's rare if you get a detectable piece of nut and pretzel in the same bite.

That's my biggest complaint. I like the almond and pretzel presence here. I wish there were a bit more of it.

There's plenty of sea salt, though, in Trader Joe's Dark Chocolate Bark. Just a slab or two will make you plenty thirsty. If anything, I think the salt could be toned down some.

I expected Sonia to enjoy this product a lot more than me since she's way more into dark chocolate, but she too wished there were more of the mix-ins throughout the bark and a lot less salt. She gives it three out of five stars.

I give Trader Joe's Dark Chocolate Bark three out of five stars, as well. Dark chocolate lovers might like this product more than I did by virtue of the dark chocolate content, but this product could use a little more pizzazz if you ask us. We'll finish the bag easily enough, but it's probably not a repeat purchase. $3.99 for 10 oz of kosher dark chocolate in a resealable bag.

Bottom line: 6 out of 10.