Trader Joe's Birthday Cake Popcorn

We were slightly less impressed with this product than we might have been since its advent comes so closely on the heels of another festive confectionalized corn concoction: last month's Candy Corn Popcorn. If your birthday happens to be in October, then this product is arguably seasonally-appropriate, but for the other eleven twelfths of us, the candy corn variety is a little more Halloweenish and, therefore, Octoberish.

Taste and texture-wise, this candied popcorn is remarkably similar to the candy corn version. It's still a high-quality popcorn coated in a slightly waxy, sugary glaze—sweet and a little salty, addictive, and hard to put down. It also begs comparison to Trader Joe's Birthday Cake Bar by virtue of its nearly identical packaging and presentation. Like the bar, this product boasts colorful little sprinkles. There's approximately one sprinkle per corn kernel, on average. Oddly enough, though, I felt as though I could taste them, but it could be just the power of suggestion. I know for sure I could feel them—firm, round little funfetti do-dads in nearly every bite.

As far as the coating is concerned, it's not really white chocolate like I was hoping for. 

The Birthday Cake Bar was most definitely made of delicious white chocolate, so I reasoned that TJ's would glaze this popcorn with the same. It's really just sugar, tapioca nonsense, and...well, you can read the ingredients list as well as I can. No mention of cocoa butter or anything milk-related, so...not white chocolate in my book.

And yet, it's got a similar vanilla-esque essence. It tastes very faintly of actual birthday cake somehow. In a blind taste test, I could most definitely differentiate this product from the candy corn popcorn, but the sprinkles/jimmies are the most obvious difference.

It's not a bad snack by any means. It would be perfect for parties—birthday or otherwise—although the bag would be gone in a matter of minutes. Again, Trader Joe's tells us there are five servings in the bag, but most people are gonna go with two or less. I'm a little sad there's no white chocolate, but I can't complain much other than that. Three and a half stars from me. Sonia enjoyed this just about exactly as much as she enjoyed the candy corn popcorn, so four again from her.

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Harvest Spaghetti Squash Spirals

Hey you! Like squash?

How about squash with squash?

How about squash with squash in a squashy sauce?

How about squash with squash in a squashy sauce...with a side of squash?

That's what my family more or less ended up with for dinner the other night, due to my brilliant planning. But I'll limit my guiltiness to only the last part of "a side of squash." Hey, without thinking too hard, some zucchini sounded like a great idea to go with our Trader Joe's Harvest Spaghetti Squash Spirals. Probably shoulda gone for some leaft greens or something instead. Oh well.

Everything else though? That's all Trader Joe's Harvest Spaghetti Squash Spirals. Sorry for the cruddy pic, I just got a new better camera but still figuring out how to take pics of shiny packages. So in case the description on the front is unclear, it says spaghetti squash spirals and chunks of butternut squash in a seasonal tomato sauce. "Seasonal tomato sauce" paired anywhere close to "harvest" with a TJ's item is a code for pumpkin puree being involved, as is the case here...pumpkin is like an honorary squash, right? So it's squash with squash in a squashy sauce. Period. At least there's none of those purported "spices" really bandying about in here.

Wish I could say I liked it more. It's not an awful product, and I kinda like the presentation. Our particular frozen package contained four small squash tumbleweed/bird nest type deals which heated quickly on our stove top, and combined well with the sauce and butternut squash chunks when added. All the squash was on, or on enough for a frozen product - the spaghetti was mild and firm, and appropriately noodley,  while the butternut was soft and sweet with a good touch of earthy. The sauce was a little sparing, as I would have liked more, as I feel it didn't offer much one way or another. Although pictured on the package as small shreds, the cheese on top came out as large flakes, and was a highlight. We love our Parmesan-esque cheeses here.

Still, there was something that felt lacking or at least not compelling. The spirals were small enough to leave us wanting more, so maybe that's part of it. Or maybe it just wasn't our favorite presentation...we're admittedly more of a roasted veggie kinda fam. Still, for relative ease and convenience, with an acceptable price tag of $2.99, the squashy spirals are a decent enough product. Just don't expect to be wowed.

Double threes.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Harvest Spaghetti Squash Spirals: 6 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Trader Joe's Caramel Apple Flavored Granola

Rise and shine, autumn aficionados! We're looking at another applicious treat this fine morning—another mashup of two great foods. Every one of our last five posts or so have been mind-blowing mergers of two or more fascinating foods and/or beverages. Today: what happens when a caramel apple explodes into a bag of ordinary granola?

It gets...way less boring!

Not that I have a problem with plain old granola. It's a classic. Always will be. But if you're looking for something with a little more flavor and excitement, look no further.

Large slices of dried apple grace the sides of the massive hunks of granola here. Those big "rocks" of cereal do break apart fairly easily with a spoon, particularly after soaking in milk for a minute or two. Some of the heftier chunks are way too sizable for being shoveled directly into the mouth—even if you have a particularly big mouth like me.

There's an immediately detectable apple presence in most bites. It's sweet and tart, but it tastes much more like dried apple than an actual caramel apple. No biggie. There's still a caramel-esque sweetness, though, too, even in bites with little or no apple. They must have used caramel to fuse all the granola bits together. Actually, now that I've checked, I don't really see "caramel" on the ingredients list, but maybe it's, like, the combo of brown rice syrup, cane sugar, and vanilla extract...?

Guess what else I see in those ingredients? "Pumpkin spiced pumpkin seeds!" I guess Russ is right. I just can't escape being a basic white boy...even when I'm trying to strategically balance pumpkin spice with the other flavors of fall. Oh well. You can't really taste it here. At least I can't.

Also, both Sonia and I were surprised to see "peanuts" in the ingredients. We didn't taste them or see them much at all. I mean, it's quite possible that they've fallen to the bottom of the bag. We haven't finished the whole thing yet. 

As a side note, our resealable bag wasn't resealable. It had those two ziplock-like tracks, but when pinched together, they failed to mate like they're supposed to. Again, no biggie. We just used a chip clip dealie. Problem solved. Don't think the bag will be around long enough to get super stale anyway.

Double fours.

Bottom line: 8 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Apple Cider Donuts

Nope, still not going there. Nathan caved first...I'm holding strong with my "alternative tastes of fall" binge for as long as possible!

If you ever find yourself driving along Rt 100 in Waterbury, VT, chances are you'll stop for ice cream and maybe the tour at the Ben & Jerry's Factory. Been there probably 100 times on vacation, as my family vacationed in Vermont almost every summer for years. We still occasionally do. And dang it, we love ice cream. But there's much more to be had on that stretch of road. There's a Cabot cheese outlet annex store (oodles of free samples) and also Cold Hollow Cider Mill...with more free samples...and freshly made cider donuts to die for.

No, Trader Joe's Apple Cider Donuts don't hold up against Cold Hollow's, or probably any local apple orchard that makes their own cider donuts. There's just too much to be said for freshmade from a local source that make cider donuts an undeniable treat.

But if you're not anywhere close to anywhere that makes cider donuts and these TJ's ones are available, it's a more than adequate consolation prize.

These cider donuts from TJ's are thick and dense and cakey. There's nothing light and airy about them at all. The distinct lack of overall greasiness to me that suggests perhaps they're baked and not fried.

Biting into the dough past the cinnamon and sugar sprinkled outside, there's subtle appley sweetness with a little twinge of typical cider spices like nutmeg and clove. Admittedly, tthese particular cider donuts, as with most, aren't an overwhelming flavor experience, but go more for a comfort vibe. Eating one of these is good enough to hold me over for several hours, which is no easy task, and certainly not something an average donut could do.

Still, having had truly exceptional cider donuts both on vacation in VT and closer to home from our local orchard, I can say these TJ's ones just lack a little something. I can't think of it being anything other than freshness and local taste. I'm not calling them stale tasting, by any means, because they're not, but a donut made moments before consumption tastes much different than one that's been in a box for at least a day or two.

If you have no other options, go get 'em, you won't regret 'em. At $3.99 for the six pack, it's a good deal. I was happy enough to eat them alongside some coffee for breakfast the other morning, as well as enjoy part of one for a late night snack with a little bourbon. Our kids liked them but weren't wowed....just wait til I take them on vacation and stuff them full of free samples, donuts and ice cream right before they pass out for the long drive back home from Vermont, just like my dad used to do. Then they'll love cider donuts for sure.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Apple Cider Donuts: 7 out of 10 Golden Spoons 

Trader Joe's Spiced Pumpkin Madeleine Cookies

Rejoice. It's that very special time again. It's that time of the year when it rains pumpkin spice products all across the western world. There'll be lattes for Suzy, and Kringles for Johnny, and muffins for Dick and for Jane. 

It's time to get basic—or, perhaps, basically awesome—depending upon your perspective. At any rate, let's get down to basics and talk about this: the first pumpkin spice product of 2018 here on our illustrious blog.

As noted previously, the first Trader Joe's pumpkin or pumpkin spice product of the season tends to have a distinct advantage over later offerings. It's a combination of pumpkin overload, heightened expectations, and social media steering us to the best products first and the "meh" products last. This year, it's no different.

Not that we heard a huge buzz about these on the interwebs prior to picking them up, but Sonia had definitely spotted them on Instamagram a couple times. "Instamagram." That's not an error. That's how I say it. Like when I say my home state, I call it "Pennsylmavania." It's funny. Homer Simpson-inspired. I add an extra syllable in the middle of words to amuse myself and, occasionally, others, because I'm basic like that. It just seems to work particularly well with Instamagram.

Sonia's a huge fan of it when I add my extra "ma" syllable to things. Know what else she's a huge fan of? Pumpkin stuff. Know what else? Madeleines—ahem, mademaleines. So these are like a dream come true for her. In fact, she actually said, "This is a dream come true for me" when she bit into her first cookie. She really, really enjoys these.

I like them too. They're sweet and punkinny. I think the pumpkin spice element is juuust a little too heavy-handed. I enjoy pumpkin spice to a degree, but I feel like it overshadows the natural butteriness of the madeleines slightly. Sonia thinks the balance is nearly perfect.

The texture of the cookies is very madeleine-esque—moist, soft, and spongy. We're both fans.

We both think $2.99 is a tad steep for six small cookies, but Sonia will quickly point out that madeleines tend to be on the pricier end of the cookie cost spectrum.

Sonia will kick off this pumpkin season with a four and a half star score and a big thumbs up. I'm on board for four stars and another vote for "yea" on these mademaleines.

Bottom line: 8.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Organic Frosted Hot Cocoa Toaster Pastries

Listen, we all know it's coming. Heck, it's practically here. Some (many?) of you are probably wondering why we haven't jumped on that bandwagon quite yet.

Not me, though. I can wait. Long time readers probably know that already. Nathan's the one who's basically awesome, not me. And if you still don't know what I'm talking about, heck, I'm not even ready to write the actual words. But you know them, they're everywhere this time of year. They rhyme with "sumpthin' nice."

But nah. I'm sticking with what I'll call "alternative seasonal tastes" as long as I can. It's a long fall ahead...heck, it hasn't even technically started yet. But colder weather is on the horizon, and with that comes great classic tastes like a good cup of hot chocolate.

Or, more to the point of this review, Trader Joe's Organic Frosted Hot Cocoa Toaster Pastries.

Sheepishly, it was while searching for another seasonally appropriate PopTart compadre that I first spotted these particular TJ's breakfast/snacky pastries. Those other ones were for my beautiful bride, but these? For me. All mine. Gimme all dat cocoa....now!

For me, this is the rare toaster tart that actually tastes better toasted than "raw." The key is the filling. At room temp, it's kinda a basic choco-fill, nothing too special. but when toasted, it gets this warm, gooey, fudgy feel that's quite evocative of the dregs at the bottom of a cup of hot cocoa. Except, well, better.   It's good filling for sure, and the surrounding dough pouch is appropriately soft and crumbly with just the right feel, whether toasted or not.

But there's a small disappointment here. Look at the top. Where's all the frosting? Every pastry we got in our box had this same male balding pattern thing going on. And what's on there isn't quite enough to really taste if it's supposed to be more like some wispy froth type deal, or more of a marshmallow essence. I know this sounds like I'm complaining that there's not enough sugar on my sugar, because I am, but when you're getting a toaster pastry out to mash on down, you know what you're going for, organic or not. If I wanted healthy and good for me I'd make a kale smoothie.

It's been a long time since I've actually consumed a name brand Pop Tart so direct comparisons are going to fall flat, but I'd rate the TJ's toasty tarts as at least equal to if not better than their more famous counterparts. Maybe it's the word "organic" playing mind tricks. You never know...but I know you can find these now at TJ's for $1.99 for a box of 3 dual foilpacks (6 tarts total) which strikes me as a good deal. Need more frosting, though. But for a first taste of things to come, not bad, not bad at all.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Organic Frosted Hot Cocoa Toaster Pastries: 6.5 out of 10 Golden Spoons 

Trader Joe's Candy Corn Popcorn

I'm not a huge fan of picking up Halloween products before the leaves have turned and the air gets chilly, but TJ's releases these things in September, and we've got to strike while the iron is hot. Also, we're reviewing this sooner than later for the benefit of you readers. Knowing Trader Joe's, they'll be sold out next week, and they'll discontinue the product forever, and you'll be pulling your hair out, shopping for it on eBay at some obscene markup. I mean, hopefully, that won't happen, but if you're a fan of candy corn and/or caramel corn, I wouldn't take the chance...

Because this stuff is pretty yummy. It does, in fact, taste like candy corn. I think it tastes like caramel corn, too. But it's a very high-quality kind of caramel corn. It's on par with the Pumpkin Spice Caramel Corn we checked out just about exactly two years ago. I'm not even particularly fond of regular caramel corn. Never have been. But fancy, flavored, gimmicky, sexy, newfangled caramel corn? Yes, please.

As far as candy corn is concerned—as a kid, I was obsessed with it. I waited all year for those waxy, triangular sugar drops, and I'd inhale as much as my parents would allow during the season. I'd pray for lots of little bags of it during trick or treating, and they were among the first of the confections devoured on Halloween night. 

Sonia? Not so much. She thinks candy corn is kinda gross. But she still enjoyed this product because, in her words, "the candy corn presence is subtle." I see where she's coming from. It's not really an overpowering flavor. Candy corn haters may enjoy it despite an aversion to classic candy corn.

On the texture front, we're looking at nice, big, whole, popped corn kernels. They're fresh and crunchy. They'd be fluffy white if not coated in that slightly waxy, firm, sugary glaze. There are three colors in the bag: yellow, orange, and clear. I wouldn't have minded if they were three different flavors...but I guess that wouldn't be true to the candy corn theme.

It's a nice combination of two classic junk foods. It's a little addictive, too. Two people just might polish off the bag in one sitting. $1.99 for 5 oz. If I were rich, I'd hand out whole bags of this to the trick or treaters.

If your local store is sold out before your next TJ's run, you could always try melting a bunch of candy corns in the microwave and then dumping them over a bowl of popcorn, but I doubt it would turn out this well. Double fours for this product.

Bottom line: 8 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Carrot Cake Spread

A few posts ago, there was a link in there about wine "experts" having their opinion swayed by the label. Product presentation affects perception, right? Seems like kinda no-brainer. Tell me what it is, I can judge adequately. Blind taste tests are tougher (yet perhaps fairer) in that something can be judged on its own merits. And maybe labels can make you "taste" something that kinda isn't there.

Mentioning this in reference to Trader Joe's Carrot Cake Spread because, honestly, if I didn't know it was trying to taste like carrot cake, I probably wouldn't have guessed it right off the bat. It's kinda an odd concoction...but oddly good.

Let's do this hypothetically blindfolded. First words I would say are chunky, almost like a marmalade. Except it's little bits of matter instead of orange peel or whatever. But there's absolutely a jammy marmalade vibe. Then, sweet. Very sweet. I'd pick up on apples right away, then probably pineapple for a slightly tart taste. Then, spicy. Not overly. I'd say ginger primarily, maybe a little cinnamon too. Then, super sweet, lots of sugar. Almost too cloyingly sweet but it sorta reins it in a smidge.

Blindfold off...hey, what are those little orangey doodads mixed in with pineappley tidbits? Are they...carrots? I guess? Wha?

Makes sense, I guess. Carrots really don't taste like much by themselves, and there's enough other stuff going on here.

Does it taste like carrot cake then? Meh....not sure. When I think carrot cake, my mind defaults more to it being a vehicle for cream cheese frosting inhalation, not a super sugary cake by its lonesome. Indeed, nekkid carrot cake would sway more towards savory in my opinion, while this TJ's carrot spread is undeniably sweet and sugary. So I wouldn't say it tastes just like carrot cake...but seeing the label, a little, I can see what TJ's is going for here. It kinda works.

All that aside, though, it's a good spread. Sandy and I spread some out on graham crackers for a post-dinner snacky that our kiddos turned up their noses at. Sandy's plotting a bagel and cream cheese run to use so we can try that, and she's intrigued by the jar's suggestion to try on pork. All that seems like it'd work to me, so why not? Most other uses you can think would probably work, exccept probably not as the J in a PB&J. I kinda want to mix it up with a can of cream cheese frosting, get a big spoon, and get shameful myself.

Still, I just can't shake that the carrot cake jelly is a bit too sweet and perhaps a little off the mark. Maybe if labelled as Spiced Pineapple with Carrot or something goofy like that, I'd be a bit more on board with the general concept. You see, it's messing with me here...quitting while I'm somewhat ahead.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Carrot Cake Spread: 7.5 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Trader Joe's 100% Arabica Cold Brew Coffee

That cold brew coffee is so hot right now.

I won't deliver my usual spiel about how I'm not a regular coffee drinker. I'll let Sonia take the helm for this review. By that I mean this post will be mostly me interviewing my wife and transcribing her thoughts, since she's the resident java expert in our household.

Sonia has had cold brew coffee from Dunkin Donuts, Starbucks, and Wawa, among others. As far as brands on our local grocery store shelves, she's sampled Stumptown, Stok, and Califia. She thinks this one is among the best, flavor-wise, but in terms of overall value, she'd put this at the very top of her list, with this one quart bottle running $4.99 at our local Trader Joe's.

The flavor is "smooth," as the packaging would suggest, but it's not particularly "bold" in Sonia's opinion. "The flavor is full-bodied, but it's not overly strong. It says 'bold,' but the taste is actually pretty subtle," says Sonia. "A lot of brands taste a little too earthy for me—they leave an almost cigar-like aftertaste—but this one is nicely balanced, with low to moderate acidity." She's fine with this brew straight out of the bottle by itself, but often she'll add a small amount of almond-based creamer that includes some sugar. 

This cold brew uses 100% arabica coffee beans from Colombia, home of Juan Valdez and, apparently, some other folks connected to Trader Joe who know how to make decent coffee.

Personally, I've always measured the success of a coffee by how much sugar and cream I have to add to make it palatable. I could stomach this offering with no additives whatsoever, but it's still not my very favorite. This is an instance where a hint of some kind of flavor would have worked for me. I'm well aware that most coffee purists would disagree. Sonia was fine with it this way, although she admits she'd try a mocha, hazelnut, or vanilla variety if they offered it.

We both prefer cold beverages in warmer weather, and we've still got a bit of that here in South Jersey, although we'll both welcome fall with open arms whenever it decides to show up. With highs still in the 80s around here, cold brew coffee serves us well. Sonia gives this product four and a half stars. I'd probably only go with three, but I'll let Sonia's opinion temper my low score and I'll go a little higher with three and a half.

Bottom line: 8 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Sparkling Coconut Water with Yuzu

It's merely a fact of life that sometimes things come a little too late.

Such it is with Trader Joe's Sparkling Coconut Water with Yuzu for us.

It's gearing towards mid-September here, but last week, it was HOTT here in the 'burgh, like in the mid-90's and very humid. Such a day would have been notable but acceptable in, say, June or July...but September? After Labor Day? Awwww heck no! Though not equinoxically correct, summer's over by then! I spent the day going from place to place to scoree free AC without getting cited for loitering.

Two days later...our local TJ's gets this new cocount water in. It screams summer refreshment...but we just spent a whole weekend in the 50s and low 60s, extremely rainy to boot, almost jeans and hoodie weather. I'm not complaining about that one bit, really, but as much as I like this coco-water, I'd like it even more when it's hot and sticky.

Oh well. Gotta dance with which you've been dealt. It's delicious water, really. There's just enough carbonation in there to keep me from guzzling the whole somewhat dimunutive can at once, which is a good thing. It's certainly not as carbonated as a soda or anything like that.

But, man, the flavor...good stuff. The coconut flavor really shines through with sweetness, though not overkill by any stretch. And the yuzu adds a perfect accent. This isn't our first TJ's yuzu product, so I kinda knew a little what to expect, but if you're not familiar with the fruit, here ya go.  It kinda tastes like mild grapefruit with maybe a little orange or lemon, but not bitter or overly acidic or anything. It's a very mild, pleasant flavor that's uber refreshing when ice cold.

There's parts of me that wishes it came in a larger can. At $3.99 for the 4 pack, it's a comparable price point for most other beverages of its ilk, but I somewhat feel it's a little small for a buck per can. That's probably just me being cheap, though, and it'll be a repeat buy for sure. As is, if I let it settle for a bit, there's enough water in a can to quench my thirst and kinda fill me up a little too because of the fiber from the coconut. So it's probably a proper size...I just like it too much, is all.

Go get some before it's too late!

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Sparkling Coconut Water with Yuzu: 8.5 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Trader Joe's Riced Cauliflower Bowl

I move that the standard bean ingredient serving as the cornerstone of all vegan/vegetarian meals be changed from soybean to garbanzo bean. Do I hear a second? Anybody?

Not that I hate soy or tofu or other soy derivatives. I just like chickpeas better. And then when rednecks are trying to insult vegan/vegetarian men, they'll call them "garbanzo guys" instead of "soyboys." Doesn't sound quite as demeaning. Confession time: I'm originally from Pennsyltucky, so I'm still part redneck. Also, I'm not even full vegetarian. I might be more inclined if we can make that chickpea initiative happen.

Fortunately, there are delicious marinated chickpeas in this dish. There's also a good bit of soy-based tofu. Sonia thinks there's not enough of it. I disagree. Sweet potato, kale, and onions round out the veggie combo for a unique mixture of flavors. I find the tahini sauce to be somewhat acrid and acidic for my taste, while the wife is more than fine with it. 

Sonia thinks some of the vegetables are a bit too tough. I can see where she's coming from, although, overall, I think the texture is nice—particularly the chickpeas. Plenty of riced cauliflower here, too. Serves as a nice low-carb base for the dish.

For a quick, zappable, vegan lunch, $3 isn't a bad deal. The taste and texture are good, but not outstanding, in my opinion. Sonia is a little more enthusiastic overall. Says she'd definitely purchase it again. I think I'll go with three and a half stars here. Sonia will dole out four.

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.

Gastronomiche Casa Milo Squid Ink Spaghetti

It doesn't happen often...but it does. I'm actually talking about two different things here.

First, a review of a non-TJ's branded product on our blog. Over 90% of a TJ's is their own house brand so there's plenty to choose from...but there are exceptions.

And secondly...my kids begging for something for dinner that doesn't involve the words "mac 'n cheese."

By some wizardry and magic, those two worlds coverged upon a single product: Gastronomiche Casa Milo Squid Ink Spaghetti. Available at your local Trader Joe's...maybe. Sandy follows a bunch of TJ's Instragram and Facebook pages and has seen a lot of buzz about this particular black pasta, as well as scores of pictures of empty shelves with the product tag and a sad face.

So apparently it's a big deal, so good enough for a review for me.

I think I get the appeal from my kids' standpoint: It's black! Spaghetti usually isn't! This is new and exciting and kinda spooky! I'm sure there's all sorts of creative Halloween-themed dishes you could make with this to have it be even more fun. Although both kids kinda forgot about it in the couple days between purchase and preparation as they both asked why their noodles were black. I just told them that I burned them.

What about us adults? I tried figuring out the benefits or plusses or anything that made squid ink pasta stand apart from the regular ol' semolina fare (aside from appearance of course) and came up with two things: it has more antioxidants and it tastes a little different. I'm not gonna argue about anything with antioxidants - the less oxidants I have to fight on my own, the better - but different taste? Really?

If anything I was surprised by how similar the squidghetti tasted to the usual. It took a few slow, careful, plain bites to discern a small difference, and even then I'm not sure it wasn't a case of me trying too hard. Really, for all intents and purposes, at least to me, it tastes the same, especially when adding garlic and EVOO and shrimp like we did.

Worth a try? Sure. Will it change your pasta-pounding world? Probably not. If you want a dark colored pasta that's truly different, here's another option. But I'm not intimidated by squid ink spaghetti anymore, at the very least, so perhaps I can be a little fancier if I ever see it on a menu somewhere. 'Til then, this will be in our occasional rotation I'm sure for the two or three bucks a package.

Bottom line: Gastronomiche Casa Milo Squid Ink Spaghetti: 7 out of 10 Golden Spoons 

Trader Joe's ABC Bars

I'm Always Buying Crack at Trader Joe's—not literal crack, just highly-addictive substances that happen to be nice and legal. ABC could stand for so many things here. I might refer to them as they're meant to be called: Almond Butter Cocoa. Or I could ask Sonia to Absolutely Bring the Chewies on our next hike. They're definitely Addictive Bars, Creamy. They're vegan, so they're free of Animal Byproducts, Completely.

Flavor-wise, I might call these Amaretto Blast Cookies. The flavor is almondy—but it's such a sweet almond flavor, I think it tastes a bit like amaretto—though not alcoholic in the least. I think they taste more like amaretto than either almond butter or cocoa, quite honestly. Sonia thinks the cocoa dominates the almond butter slightly. I'm not sure if I agree or not. They're just sweet—but not overly so, nutty, buttery, and not unlike confectionalized amaretto. Scrump-dilly.

Texture-wise, they're surprisingly soft. I might describe the mouthfeel as A Bed of Comfort. They're definitely chewy rather than crunchy, but there's a much greater "melt-in-your-mouth" factor than, say, most "chewy" granola bars or cookies. 

They're gluten-free, so...Absolutely Buy'em Celiac-sufferers. Price-wise, ABC is easy as 1, 2, 3 dollars, with a total of six in the box. That makes them about 50 cents a piece. They are kinda small, but they're rich, dense, and more filling than you might expect. Sonia and I would put them on par with the average Clif, Luna, or Balance bar in terms of hunger-curbing capacity, with a slightly better overall value.

This is another thumbs up from both of us. Sonia will dish out her second four and a half stars in a row. Put me down for four again.

Awesome Bars, Conclusively.

Bottom line: 8.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's High Rye Bourbon

If you ever find yourself passing through Louisville, KY on a Tuesday afternoon with a few hours to kill, and a crew of small kids in tow, and you're a little thirsty either before or after going to the absolutely awesome Lousiville Slugger Museum and Factory...as Sandy and I found ourselves recently...may we suggest the Evan Williams Experience?

Seriously. Few distelleries are open on Tuesdays, even fewer are kid friendly. EW is the exception. Friendly folks, interactive tour that's fun and informative (will even keep kid's attention for the most part), capped off with a short tasting of different EW offerings at the end. It's really when tasted side-by-side that different charcteristics of different bourbon offerings stand out. It actually kinda hit for the first time the difference between the even keel of a typical base mixed barrel offering versus the milder undertones of single barrel. We picked up a few bottles there for sure...

...then headed over to the Louisville TJ's for even more bourbon, because, you know, Kentucky. Why not? Can't exactly get TJ's hard stuff just anywhere.  We picked up an old favorite but in spirit of adventure also chose Trader Joe's High Rye Bourbon. Not a bad price at $19.99.

And of course for sake of comparision I had to try the two side by side. Did that again just now. So the rest of this review oughtta be fun.

At 84 proof, I expected more burn to be honest. But it's not here in the rye variant. The regular ol TJ's straight sure can, as I semi-coughingly reminded myself. Nah, it's much more even and mellow here, with still a semi-fiery undertone. But man oh man...the rye. There's a lot of it, as one would expect. I'm learning to appreciate it, slowly but surely. I feel like it may be somewhat akin to hoppy beers, in that bourbons high in rye would also be a somewhat acquired taste. The mix mash here is 70% corn and 30% rye, so there's definitely a heavy-handed grainy taste here that I'm not accustomed to. Most bourbons seem to be 10% rye or less. A little ice mellows it out, and blossoms some slightly sweet elements.

And sorry, but I laugh at the label note that says "aged in new charred barrels." That's literally every bourbon. It's like listing Cherrios as cholesterol-free, in that it's a given. It's an actual legal requirement for any bourbon to be considered a bourbon to be aged in a newly charred barrel.

It's a sipper meant to be enjoyed slowly, for sure. If I were still into cigars, I'd imagine the two going well hand-in-hand...but I haven't smoked one in years. I've been working my way thru the bottle slowly, as it does go down easily enough, but at the end I'm not sure I'll make it a point to seek out more rye bourbons. I feel it's a drink I can respect and appreciate for what it is, but not completely savor, if that follows. Sandy does enjoy bourbon but more or less is taking a pass at this one. I'd say it's decent enough for what it is, especially at a fairly reasonable (to me) price. Thanks Pennsylvania and your government-run spirit shops. Gonna go with a seven here overall.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's High Rye Bourbon: 7 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Trader Joe's Thai Tea Mini Mochi

I'm not sure when I was first introduced to it, but I've been a fan of Thai iced tea for a long time now. If you're ever at a good Thai place, definitely try the Thai iced tea. Some restaurants make it better than others, but when it's good, it's absolutely delicious. I'm pretty sure it's a type of black tea, but with plenty of coconut milk and sugar up in the mix. When it's served, there's a cool layered effect with white at the top, black on the bottom, and a nice orange-brown in the middle—check out the photo in this article.

These mochi bites captured the flavor fairly well, but both Sonia and I thought it was a little less sweet than the Thai iced tea we're used to. Sonia was fine with that. Since they're definitely a dessert food, I wouldn't have minded them a little sweeter, but they're still pretty tasty the way they are.

I also thought they overdid it with the flour on the outside of the gelatinous shells. The mochis were absolutely covered in the stuff. At first, I thought it might have been powdered sugar, but it wasn't sweet. A couple times, I actually coughed from inhaling some of it. 

The pic above was taken immediately after our 25 minute drive home from TJ's. They melted a little in the sweltering heat and a tiny bit of ice cream jumped out of their shells—fortunate for the sake of the pic in that you can see the color and texture of the actual ice cream there in the top two corners of the tray.

Other mochis we've tried from TJ's are all significantly larger than these. I guess that's why these are called "mini mochi." You could theoretically pop the entire mochi ball into your mouth in one bite, but you might suffer some serious brain freeze. I preferred to eat them in two small bites. 

With a serving size of 6 pieces and 210 calories, this is one of the more satisfying dessert foods we've seen in a while. Also, they're dairy-free, using coconut milk instead of cow's milk, but they're still nice and creamy. The tapioca and rice-based shells are soft and thin, just like we've seen from other Trader Joe's mochi offerings.

Sonia gives these ice cream treats four and a half stars. I give them four. $3.49 for 15 mini mochi balls.

Bottom line: 8.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Black Licorice Treads

Tire treads can be awfully scary or just plain awful.

Two quick stories: Couple years ago, got on the PA Turnpike. Less than five minutes into a 300 mile drive, an 18 wheeler blew a tire as I was passing them. Tread tore right off and flew right towards our windshield. I thought we were goners...but some real nifty air current wind tunnel vortex-type voodoo (or just maybe the hand of God)  caught it and sailed right over us and onto the empty lane behind us. I don't think I breathed for the next hundred miles.

Another time, not as dire but didn't work out as well: Totally ran over a tire tread on the highway and busted up the whole underside of our car. Stopped at a truck stop for duct tape to make it the rest of the way home. Got "bit by an alligator" in trucker lingo, apparently. Almost $1000 in damage in an instant.

Fortunately, Trader Joe's Black Licorice Treads are of a happier variant. I mean, it's candy. They'd never make a candy version of anything harmful or awful or anything, right? These are totally candy sticks! 

Anyways, think a flattened out black Twizzler plank, and that's about what we got here. I'd approximate each TJ tread at about three Twizzler's worth, maybe four. Biting into a piece definitely gives about the same satisfaction as biting into multiple Twizzlers but is a little softer and less thick overall. Maybe it's the lack of airtube in the middle, which sadly means I can't make double use of them as a straw. Doh.

The flavor is a little different, though. I'd admit I'm used to black licorice being flavored mostly by anise, and there's a little bit of that to be had here. But most of the flavor seems to come more from actual licorice root, with which I'm not as familiar. I wouldn't say it's rich or vibrant or deep or whatever adjectives the packaging uses. It's more subtle and subdued, and it takes a few chews to get really worked out. Maybe it's only because it's a little different from a Twizzler and it has TJ's name on it, but I kinda want to say almost "more refined." Interpret as you wish, I'm an unabashed TJ's fanboy.

Good licorice treads for real. Would have been ideal for our recent road trip, on which we somehow avoided any vehicular shenanigans of any sort. As my family says when it's all good, "No dents, no tickets." Good approach here, as these are pretty good snackers I probably won't tire of. Give them a spin. Hoping I'm not inflating too much when I say double fours. Okay, this is getting worn out...

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Black Licorice Treads: 8 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Trader Joe's Chipotle Vegetable Quesadillas

"If they're called 'vegetable' quesadillas, there should be more vegetables," stated Sonia. "I want sliced-up zucchini or eggplant or peppers in there. Corn and beans aren't enough."

This is coming from the only human being I know who eats plain cheese quesadillas for a meal—nothing but a tortilla with melted cheese—on average about twice a week. If she'd add beans, corn, and chipotle sauce, I could probably live off her quesadillas, because I enjoy the taste enough, and also, I'm guessing, there'd be enough nutritional value in there.

Likewise, I could live off these quesadillas. I really like their simplicity and flavor. I'll admit we heated them in the microwave, but I was more than pleased with the result. 

Sonia? Not so much. Sometimes I think she feels threatened by Trader Joe's Mexican offerings—as if I'll suddenly ask her to never cook again and demand the freezer be stockpiled with Trader José's comida Mexicana. Where is José these days, anyway? Don't worry, wifey. I'll never get tired of your salsa de queso.

Sonia's other major complaint was the price. $3.49 for two quesadillas. I'll admit they're not exactly giving them away, but each quesadilla could stand as a meal in and of itself. That seems like a pretty standard price point for frozen foods to me. I think Sonia has a problem with it because she can make about 500 of her plain quesadillas with an inexpensive stack of corn or flour tortillas and a hunk of cheese from the grocery store, and they wind up costing about 15 cents each.

The balance of corn, beans, and cheese is on point here in these "vegetable" quesadillas, and the chipotle flavor is almost perfect, too. There's a hint of heat, but it's not overwhelming. If I were in the mood for something with a significant kick, I would have to put some kind of hot sauce on them, but for most occasions, they're perfect just the way they are. 

Sonia didn't really have any specific complaints about the taste or texture. She just thinks they'd be better with another ingredient or two. Fair enough. Two and a half stars from her. 

That's a painfully low score for these, in my opinion. Four and a half stars from me.

Bottom line: 7 out of 10.

Simpler Wines Rosè

For my family, we seem to have a pretty set vacation template for a good time. Go somewhere to go to a zoo, a baseball game...and a Trader Joe's. It's just what we do. We're not particularly outdoorsy or beach folks or lounge all day by a pool or go fancy-schmancy stuff. And yes, we do hit up Trader Joe's in other states as much as we can. We just got back from a southern swing and added on three new states (North Carolina, Tennessee and Kentucky) to our growing list. By my count we're up to 16 states.

What's the appeal? Hard to exactly say...but we need to eat and get snacks and well, you never know what you might see or find, or who you might encounter. It's cool to see the different set-ups and artwork and have the kids look around for the animal...although Nashville, you don't have one? That's odd.

And of course, since we live in an oddball state a little too dedicated to its Quaker heritage by not allowing most grocery stores to sell alcohol, there's a whole branch of TJ's beverages we can't get on the regular around home. Got a fair amount of them while out and about which we'll be drinking and reviewing our way through in the coming times.

First up: Simpler Wines. AKA wine in a can. Though not branded as "Trader Joe's", as far as I can tell it's a TJ's exclusive and related to Simpler Times canned lager which replaced it's "Name Tag" line I *think*...so it's TJ's enough. Plus, it's wine! In a can! How cool is that?

I'm not gonna lie and say I'm a wine expert. Most wine experts aren't all that expert-y either. So I'm just going to ask myself a simple question: Did I like this particular rosè, can and all?

Yup! Sure did. It's light and floral and subtly sweet, with perhaps a bit more carbonation than anticipated. Perhaps it's because it's from a can so my taste buds are thinking more soda/sparkly water. Regardless, the rosè is a pretty decent, refreshing summer drink, and at about 10% it carries a little punch.

And of course, since it's in a can, this potent potable's potential portable possibilities prolong past previously prescripted parameters. Primarily, picnics. Perhaps parks or for pedestrian pastimes. No glasses needed - just pop open and enjoy, all with any local open container laws in mind, of course. Plus, well, wine in a can is still kinda novelty, so why not?

It's $5.99-ish for the four pack of 250mL cans. A liter of decent wine for $6? Not bad at all. In addition to the rosè there's also canned chardonnay. Both Sandy and I enjoyed after getting the rugrats in bed for some late night Netflix and chill - another vacation classic. Double fours.

Bottom line: Simpler Wines Rosè: 8 out of 10 Golden Spoons.