Trader Joe's Almond Butter Almonds

There's so many phrases and words out there that, for whatever reason, really grind my gears. The following isn't a complete list of such phrases I've heard used so often and thrown around carelessly I think I'd rather be smacked by .a two by four than hear them again

"Now more than ever..."

"New normal."

"Social distancing."

Generally calling someone a Karen. Called for sometimes? Sure. All the time....nah. Does that make me a Terry or Kevin or whatever the male name equivalent is?

And most pertinently to this review of Trader Joe's Almond Butter Almonds..."double down/ed/ing."

Ugh to all of them. 

Except the Almond Butter Almonds! They're delicious!!!!1!

You see, I could say TJ's DOUBLED DOWNED on all things almondy and tasty here to make a rather tasty, somewhat redundantly flavored snack. I could...but no. Doesn't sound right.

There's a fairly straightforward concept here. Get an almond butter-flavored candy-esque coating and slather on some salted roasted almonds, and that's about it. And fabulous, because almonds by themselves are pretty mundane. But here, add that nut butter shell and they became magical. Think of something akin to a yogurt covered almond, except maybe a tad softer and mealier (it is almond butter, after all) and that's about what thee nuts crunch and munch like. The little bit of salt and toasted crunch of the almond core really help to hold up and support the outer layers, which remained remarkably intact all the way from factory to distributor to store to home to belly. The result is undeniably snacky, and something that feels like a little guilty pleasure. We love 'em. 

Good nuts, good stuff. And a good price too - I think these were maybe $4 for the bag? Wasn't anything major, Just a small handful or two was more than enough to put a major dent in any hangry tummy rumbles. Because of that, earlier today we finally finished off our one bag I bought...I guess maybe next time in the store, I'll have to say to myself "Self, now more than ever, we need to make it the new normal to double down on our purchases here, lest you lovely bride decides to become a Karen and socially distance you for your transgression." Or something to that general effect. Nothing down from the Mrs or I, the almond butter almonds are a double win in our books with double fours. 

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Almond Butter Almonds: 8 out of 10 Golden Spoons 

 

Trader Joe's Multigrain Crackers

Well, here's yet another installment in our somewhat occasional series which I casually call "Oh-Crud-It's-Late-and-I-Need-To-Write-Something-But-We've-Had-Nothing-New-or-Exciting-Recently-That-Hasn't-Been-Reviewed-And-I'm-Too-Tired-And/or-Full-To-Go-to-TJ's-And-I-Could-Do-That-Hot-Truffle-Sauce-Except-I-Never-Want-To-Touch-It-Again-Except-To-Pitch-It-and-That's-Not-It's-Fault-It-Makes-Me-Ill-I'm-Sure-It's-Actually-Quite-Good-But-Not-For-Me-Thanks-Body-What-Else-Do-I-Have-OOOOOOO-Pantry-Staples-FTW."

Clearly it's still a work in progress. 

I'm not particularly amped to write up a review of Trader Joe's Multigrain Crackers. I mean...multigrain crackers. Appreciably, they're without hyphen between multi and grain, unlike my intro there. But what is there to really say?

Well, here goes. With a bunch of young kids cramped up in the house, gotta feed them, continually, except not after midnight, like gremlins. They all love what we call "snacky lunch" which is basically deli meat, sliced cheese, crackers, milk, and fruit/veggies. They DEVOUR that. And sometimes that's just our dinner option too for low effort/everyone happy nights. And of course, snacks all day long. Our youngest one munches her way from alarm clock turning green to night night tuck in. So...in other words, we eat a lot of crackers around here, and always need a box on call. 

Is it always TJ"s multigrain crackers? Likely nah, but to be honest I couldn't tell you for sure. I feel like we always have them around, though, ready to go. So maybe? 

And if not maybe we should. I just had a few, actually trying to taste them and not just take them for granted. And (un)surprisingly, they're actually pretty good! There's a lot of earthy grainy goodness, with a touch of onion and salt, sweetened a smidge with added sugar (could do without that), all wrapped up in a light, crispy, crunchy, perfectly snacky cracker. I can see why my kids like them by the handful, and why we're always pairing with some cheddar or dip or even some peanut butter. It's a pretty delicious, vaguely healthyish little disc that serves enough purpose on its own but will happy be a vehicle for whatever else you want to cram on in. 

Couldn't tell you the precise price but I doubt it's more than $3. Inexpensive, high quality, healthyish and tasty - yeah there's no little "Trader Joe's-y" twist to them, but those mentioned values are always at the top of TJ's priorities, and my family's as well when it comes to noshing. So, good work once again, TJ's. The crackers aren't world changing, but keep a box around as we do. You should never take a classic for granted. 

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Multigrain Crackers: 7 out of 10 Golden Spoons 
 

Trader Joe's Everything but the Bagel Seasoned Kettle-Cooked Potato Chips

It's 2021 and yet my pet thought, the Chocolate Gum Theory, is still not a thing. C'mon people.

It's been mentioned on here before from time to time, so if you're familiar, feel free to skip the next paragraph or so. It's all a primer for those who aren't. So if you're still with me, gird up, it's time for an education. 

It's a very simple theory. Chocolate is good, right? So is gum. But what happens if you put those two things together? It's...not good. Basically put, the Chocolate Gum Theory states that combinations of things, even good ones, can be less than the sum of their parts. Like...chocolate and cheddar. Salmon and jerky. Babies and pocket knives. Stuff like that. Somewhat related is the Bowie/Mercury Corollary that states two great things when combined can be even greater, while the Bowie/Jagger Corollary reminds us they can be much....much....much less. 

Okay, are we all back together? That's the best. And on to today's subject, Trader Joe's Everything but the Bagel Seasoned Kettle-Cooked Potato Chips.

EBTB! So hot right now. Not familiar? You should be. It's an everything bagel sans bagel. It's awesome. And who can resist a perfectly crunchy, delicious kettle chip? I sure can't, so put them together, and we gonna be Under Pressure (good) or Dancing in the Street (not so much)?

Sadly, it's the latter.

I've (literally) spent some time chewing on this to try and determine what the crux of the matter is, because simply put, these chips should be good but just aren't. The issue seems two fold. First, there's this oddly overly oleic taste and feel to the chips. I mean, even by kettle chip standards. I think it'd stand out regardless of flavor. Looking over the ingredients, maybe it's the sesame oil that adds on that little extra that turns it into too much? While not absolutely repulsive, the experience isn't enjoyable either.

And secondly, perhaps, everything seasoning isn't really meant for literally everything. There has to be a proper vehicle for it to be experienced correctly. Part of the appeal of an everything bagel is that the seasoning has a chance to permeate and enhance a warm, chewy, doughy bagel. Here it's a crunchy chip, and without some sort of fuller embodiment to spread its wings, the taste seems overly condensed and artificial. Like, the garlic seems waaaaay too funky on ours, and everything else is a tad bit overkill. On a bagel it'd probably work, but not here. Which is too bad, I love crunchy kettle chips, but with everything going on here it's a hard pass from here on out.

Not gonna lie, I picked up two bags of 'em hoping they'd be great. It took our chip-munchin'-mad fam four days to consume the first, mostly by me out of duty to this here blog. None of us are excited about the second. Might even return, along with the truffle hot sauce I got a month or more ago and can't consume enough of to properly judge as it makes me feel literally ill. There's so many better chips out in the TJ's aisle, spend your $2.49 on something else that'd treat you right.

My lovely bride is much more into the TJ's social media than we are, and it seems our thoughts align with most others publicly stated. If you like 'em, awesome, you get on with your bad self, but maybe stock up as I can see these being pulled due to unpopularity. Or, as always, I could be completely wrong. Except Chocolate Gum Theory, that's true and proven once again here. Just bleh. 

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Everything but the Bagel Seasoned Kettle-Cooked Potato Chips: 2 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Trader Joe's Dark Chocolate Cookie Sticks

Personally, if it were me designing the cover art for this product's packaging, I would have gone with a narwhal. Narwhals are the only animals with a tusk that has a girth to length ratio comparable to these cookie sticks. They're very long and very thin, hence the moniker "sticks" as opposed to "bars," "batons," or "fingers."

If I were instructed by my creative director to steer clear of narwhals for some reason—perhaps they're too freakish looking for a box of cookie sticks, or they carry connotations of cold climates and frigid waters, or they're just too cumbersome-looking in general—the next obvious choice is a unicorn, right? I mean, they're not real, and their horns are significantly shorter than these sticks in relation to their thickness, but at least everybody knows they're fun mythical animals with horns coming out of their heads.

Instead, Trader Joe's packaging artists decided upon a zebra-like animal to grace the cover of this cylindrical container. Regular zebras don't even have horns. Only unicorns do. So, logically, this would be a zebracorn. What's a zebracorn, you ask? It's pretty much my favorite animal. It's like a zebra and a unicorn mixed...bred for its skills in magic.

You feel me?

The tubular box is unique. There's a tab around the middle that you tear off and then the top separates so you can access the cookie sticks, and it slips right back onto the bottom when you're done. It's not air-tight, though, so it does little to prevent exposure. We found the sticks got stale in fairly short order. 

Even on day one, they weren't exactly show-stoppers. There's a lightly sweet and salty bread as a base and a semi-sweet dark chocolate coating. They tasted fine to both of us, but we weren't blown away. We tried dipping them in coffee, but they don't retain the liquid very well. They're vaguely crunchy, nearly pretzel-esque, texture-wise. It's a nice mouthfeel, but they seemed to lose some of that initial crispness if you don't finish them right away.

I must admit, they're convenient and snackable. I just wish they delivered a little more in the flavor department. For the price, $1.69, they're a decent enough value. Not sure if we'd purchase again, though. Three stars a piece for these zebracorn horns.

Bottom line: 6 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Grainless Granola

Years ago, when pretty gung-ho into the paleo diet, on a random Target trip I hit a major score: clearance sale on Renola, a grain-free granola, for like less than $3 a sack. Usually that was like $6 or $7! Needless to say, I cleaned them out, and had nothing but Renola to snack on for about six months. 

Somehow that's not as quite a find a memory as I thought it'd be, and kinda forgot about it 'til Trader Joe's Grainless Granola came around. 

I haven't had Renola in ages (probable coping mechanism from overdose, much like since graduating college in 2003 I've eaten instant ramen noodles maybe 5 times), so a direct comparison is tough to do on my end, but there's much the same vibe.

The main base is comprised of three components: almonds, sunflower seeds and pumpkin seeds. In an act of what I presume to be black magic, all these get transformed into a a state of pretty close to real actual granola. There's got to be something more than just roasting them - the whole feel and experience is lighter and crispier than one would expect, almost as if it were more munchy than crunchy if that sounds right. It's phenomenal, and is imminently snackable right out of the bag and would work on yogurt. Big pieces, little dusties, in between pebbles, didn't matter. All the same bite, and all delicious. 

That's not it, though. Something has to hold all that together and give it a little oomph. And between some combination of coconut, salt and chicory, hold together it does. That also provides the over-arching flavor - it's not quite sweet, not quite salty, and while "savory" seems to be much the wrong word, it still seems right in a way. There's just something to it, a certain I don't know what, that really provides the perfect flavor to a near perfect bite. 

All that being said, I can see myself getting quite tired of the grainless granola quickly. Just a little extra flavor component would be wondrous, or even just a different variety to go back and forth between. 

But then again, at $3.99, it's a heck of a value for what it is. Vegan, gluten free, all that...yup. 

Good stuff, check it out for sure. A few handfuls will hold you over for quite a bit, that's for sure. My lovely bride isn't a big a fan as I am, as the nutritional info kinda seems to be a bit much for such a compact product, if that makes sense. 

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Grainless Granola: 7 out of 10 Golden Spoons. 

Trader Joe's Mini Cranberry Pistachio Biscotti

I'm not sure why there are so many tasty dunkables for coffee and tea in the world, but so few for energy drinks like Red Bull, for example. I wonder what an energy drink dunkable would even taste like. If I were an ambitious man, or if I knew anything at all about baking, food science, or grocery purchasing habits, I'd attempt to invent the first energy drink dunkable. It might not even be a pastry. It could be more like a pretzel, a stick of jerky, or maybe like a fruit-flavored candy cane. You'd swirl it around in your heavily-caffeinated, fizzy, sweet-tart energy beverage, and slurp the excess moisture off the end of the dunkable. It'd be fun and delicious. And energy drink consumers wouldn't feel like they're missing out on the dunk-it-in-your-drink party anymore. 

A reasonable person might insist that there's no need for energy drink dunkables. But then there's that George Bernard Shaw quote that I'm fond of recollecting when I'm acting ridiculous and self-indulgent: “The reasonable man adapts himself to the world: the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man.”

Clearly, these biscotti were designed and formulated by very reasonable people, because they don't go well with energy drinks at all. Don't ask me how I know that. They honestly aren't even easy to eat all by themselves because of their hardness. They just beg to be paired with java. Fortunately, the wifey has an insulated cup of coffee on her work desk all day, every day. And after disappointing myself with silly experimental beverage and cookie pairings, I can always put on my big boy pants, pretend I'm an adult, and borrow her coffee for a dunk or two.

With coffee, these are pretty delicious. There's enough cranberry in them that you'll notice a few chewy berry remnants after the cookie part has dissolved in your mouth. You can taste the cranberry very well, too, although the chewiness was just slightly off-putting to Sonia. I was pleasantly surprised there was any noteworthy amount of actual cranberry in there at all.

The tops of the biscotti pieces are zig-zagged with happy vanilla icing. It just adds a hint of sugary sweetness. The bread itself isn't super sticky sweet, but it has a nice lightly nutty flavor. I don't feel like it's bursting with specifically pistachio flavor, but Sonia thinks the pistachio element was adequate.

We'll plow through this tub pretty quickly. $3.99 for the 9oz container. Four stars from the little missus. Three and a half from me for Trader Joe's Cranstachio Biscotti.

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Crunchy Almond Butter Puffs Cereal

A first impression is a lasting one. 

Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. 

And so on and so on with a few little pithy adages, but let's start off the new year with some initial impressions of the new Trader Joe's Crunchy Almond Butter Puffs Cereal. 

C'mon, that sounds awesome, right? Boom. First impression made.

Take a look at it, too. It's rice and quinoa based, so no gluten. And as a lowkey bonus, read the description: it's not just almond butter, which is tasty enough in its own right if not a tad plain...but also cocoa powder too! So this can be a healthyesque breakfast cereal that tastes like a buttercup maybe! This train is gaining some traction here. Choochoo!

But then hold the box, or even better, try to open it. The bag inside too. Perhaps the first clue that something is a bit off. The cardboard stock to make the actual cereal box is...odd. It's not the familiar type, but instead sturdier, glossier, stockier, more rigid. It feels odd. If you happen to take a look at the bottom flaps, you'd notice it's folded together, not glued and sealed. Kinda odd, but sturdy enough given the materials. But whatever glue was spared on the bottom was more than accounted for atop, as man, these flaps didn't want to open. There's some serious papercut potential here. But once you past that, you're finally on to the big boss: the bag. It's thicker and heavier and glued way tighter than it should for easy manual opening - I gave up and used scissors to avoid unnecessary cereal explosions all over the floor. lord knows my kids do enough of those themselves. 

Finally, take a bite. Or try to. These puffs are hard. "Crunchy" is an understatement. Looking thru ingredients, because it can't be just rice and quinoa..aha. Cassava flour, too. There it is. All those flours come together to make some sort of cereal kernel that's then coated in almond butter and rolled in cocoa powder. The result: a jaw-achingly crunchy cereal. Tired out my molars for sure, and if you'd think milk would soften it up, you'd be wrong. 

Speaking of milk...I'd say skip it altogether for these poundy puffs. Not only does it not really appreciably soften the crunch, but it seems to cover up all the taste, too. Indeed, if eaten more as a dry snack, the flavors come out a bit more: the earthy grains, the nutty almond butter, the little tastes of cocoa here and there. It's fairly subtle and actually pretty tasty without being too much of a sugarbomb. Delicious, really. While breakfast may be important, sometimes a snack is so much better.

So there you have it. It remains to be seen how often we'll pick up the almond butter puffs for the $4 or so it set us back. I'm definitely not in as love with them as I thought I would, but I don't horribly mind them either. Some matching threes sounds about right. 

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Crunchy Almond Butter Puffs Cereal: 6 out of 10 Golden Spoons.

Trader Joe's Caramel Coffee Cashews

"If you could be one thing, you should be efficient."

Okay, anybody else else looking forward to new season of "Letterkenny" debuting this weekend? Anyone? I'm almost looking forward to it more than Christmas Day itself.

Anyhoos if you know anything about the show, you'd know that the main character, Wayne, and his buddies have many mantras they repeat. Very few of them are publishable here. But that top quote is, and through all the adult banter and silly stuff like riffs on ants riding SeaDoos (NSFW - and this is tame for the show), some of that all stick through. 

Well pitter patter, let's get at her. What's more efficient than snackination with caffeination with a side of TJ'sination for your situation? Nothing. 

Enter Trader Joe's Caramel Coffee Cashews. It's all that and a bag of nuts. I hope and pray these are still available next time we get into a TJ's as these have gotten me through some very long work days as of late. 

These nuts are fantastic. Cashews are already pretty much the king of the snack nut world. Pecans could be a challenger, and pistachios would higher if not for the shell. Take a batch, and roast them up. That's already fantastic...but a bit plain. So get some caramel coffee goo and coat all the cashews and let them dry. Fantastic. 

Leading off, the coffee flavor is much stronger than the caramel. It's actual ground coffee beans in the mix, reduced down to a not too clunky powder. That's not to say you won't hit a little clump here and there that's coffee-ground reminiscent. Not matter, the feel of it blends well with the toasty cashew center. But then the caramel kinda sneaks in, very mellowly, and sweetly and lightly lingers for subsequent bites. If this were an actual coffee, I'd consider drinking one on occasion - I'm too much more a black coffee kinda guy, but can outside my comfort zone every once in a while. Well balanced and super soft snackable - perfect.

Sharply minded readers and TJ's aficionados may recall a similarish product sans caramel in the past. Maybe it's the nuts, maybe it's me, maybe I'm nuts, but I like these better. A lot better. Delish. 

And as Letterkenny fans may know, there is an episode entitled "Nut" which I will not reference here aside from this. I think my lovely bride is due to watch it tonight on my rewatch/her first go through leading up to the new season. Gotta long day at work first to get through first - it's a great day for hay! - , then kids in bed - I'm gonna need some more of these nuts to get there. 

Double fours. 

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Caramel Coffee Cashews: 8 out of 10 Golden Spoons
 

Trader Joe's Festive Chocolate Collection

In general, I try to look beyond the physical—beyond the surface, to discern what lies beneath a thing, a person, or an idea. But sometimes, sheer physical beauty is its own end. Take, for instance, a Christmas tree or Christmas lights or Christmas decorations in general. If you ask a dozen people what a Christmas tree means to them, you'll get a dozen different answers. But that doesn't take away from the fact that all 12 of said people will agree that it's a pretty thing—a lovely sight to behold.

Similarly, there's a breathtaking conjunction of Jupiter and Saturn in the southwestern skies just after sunset right now. I've already seen it the past two nights, although tonight will be their closest approach to one another. They'll appear to be touching each other in the sky, despite the fact they are actually 450 million miles apart. Some are calling it the Christmas Star, although I'm pretty sure the original Christmas Star was a conjunction of Jupiter and Venus...but this isn't an astronomy blog and I'm digressing a bit.

Anyway, it reminds me of what Sam tells Frodo at the end of LOTR: "There's light and beauty up there that no shadow can touch." So true.

I suppose I'm unnecessarily waxing poetic for what is essentially just a box of chocolate. We all know what chocolate tastes like. And Trader Joe's rarely tries to slip substandard chocolate by us...I mean, other than early iterations of their advent calendar. What I'm trying to say is that this particular product is more about presentation than anything else. I almost don't want to eat it, it's so festive and cute, but I'm hankering for a release of endorphins at the moment, being the darkest day of the year and all. But hey, from here on out, the sun gets higher in the sky every day. So let's all be happy and eat some chocolate wreaths, gifts, snowmen, and gingerbread men.

There's dark, milk, and white chocolate represented here, so there's a nice variety—something for everybody in terms of chocolate preference. There are seven pieces of chocolate total, some much larger than others. $3.99 is just a teensy weensy bit steep for what you're getting here, IMO. None of the chocolates are anything to write home about, but then there's nothing to complain about either. 

There are a few little surprises like various fillings. Some of the pieces are just simple slabs of decorative chocolate. Others contain "hazelnut paste," "dark chocolate couverture filling," "caramel filling," or "creme filling." It's a bit like Forrest Gump's box of chocolates in that you never know what you're gonna get. I'd try to match the filling up with its corresponding shape and let you know which is which, but I've indiscriminately shoveled a number of them down my hatch already, and I'm really not even sure which fillings I've had. Some are slightly tastier than others, but all in all, each piece has been satisfying and chocolatey. Sonia agrees.

There. I feel a bit of serotonin kicking in. I'm happy. It's Christmas week. Hope you're all joyous and healthy and have your house stocked with tasty foods. Get out there and check out the planetary conjunction. Very interesting things are about to happen. I can feel it. 

Happy holidays!

Bottom line: 7 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Chocolate Lava Gnocchi

Gnoccolate. C'mon, man. You missed a golden opportunity to create a beautiful new word, Trader Joe. 

In keeping with this week's chocolate theme so far, it's time to take a look at something many of you already have an opinion of: Trader Joe's Chocolate Lava Gnocchi. We were unable to obtain them last year, so since Sonia and I haven't had much luck scoring this year's newest products in a timely fashion, we'll be sharing our opinions on this formerly buzzworthy product making its sophomore appearance in Jolly Old Saint Joe's frozen section, just in case you're still sitting on the fence about making the $2.99 purchase or not.

It's not the first time we've seen Trader Joe's choc-ify something that's not traditionally chocolatey or desserty. I wasn't particularly impressed with last year's chocolate hummus, but all four of us on the team appreciated the chocolate raspberry tamales in the happy golden days of yore. Do they still sell them? Didn't see them on our last run. Oh well. They should if they don't.

In my opinion, these chocolate lava gnocchi fall squarely in between the two aforementioned choc-ified concoctions. They're not the sweet, rich, indulgent desserts I was hoping for, nor are they a wholesome savory dinner item, either. They're basically chocolate-flavored potato balls. If that sounds good to you, then you might love 'em.

But you also might hate 'em. They're starchy. Like very starchy. Potato is about the most starchy substance I can think of. And then whoever formulated this product was like, "Hey it's not starchy enough with just potato puree. Let's add some rice starch and more potato starch. Then Starchy Joe's Starchy Starch Balls with Starch and Chocolate will be complete!"

I mean, they do taste like chocolate. But like I said before, it's not the rich sweet flavor I was hoping for. A little whipped cream goes a long way in terms of sending these gnocchi in the indulgent dessert direction, but doesn't make them entirely delectable. As far as "lava" is concerned, there's not much. No need to evacuate the town at the bottom of Mount St. Gnoccolate. There's a mild wetness you can see in the center of a piece cut in half on the right side of the pic I took, but even that gets sucked right back into the starchy void before it can really liquefy completely and flow freely. So the lava factor was disappointing. 

Also, they look like fresh reindeer droppings.

We'll have no problem finishing the bag today. We had most of them for breakfast. Is that weird? But we probably won't re-purchase. Three stars a piece.

Bottom line: 6 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Candy Cane Joe-Joe's Dark Chocolate Bar

In the spirit of the season, we'll be making a list and checkin' it twice:

Trader Joe's. Check. 

Candy cane. Yes. 

Joe-Joe's. Yup.

Dark chocolate. Texas sized 10-4. 

A chocolate bar with a name like Trader Joe's Candy Cane Joe-Joe's Dark Chocolate Bar should be fun, festive, seasonal, joy inducing. A cure for what ails ya. It should be a little snippet of merriment, a little piece of contentment, a little bite of something good in a world gone mad. I mean, it's a candy bar, but really, can you blame anyone for pinning at least a little hopes of something positive on it. 

Hate to sound grinchy, but that's a bit too much for this chocolate bar. It's simply just okay, kinda good but certainly not great. Let's run through that list again and see what's naughty and nice. 

Trader Joe's - on the nice list! Really, did you expect anything different?

Candy cane. Oh there's plenty of candy cane, and it's very candy cane-y. That's a good thing. The "generously topped with crushed peppermint" is a bit of an oversell - I prefer the underpromise/overdeliver model of satisfaction personally - but there's plenty enough little candy cane shard that get all up in there and in tooth crevices and whatnot to make the bar plenty candy-cane'd up. Nice and minty and everything. No issue.

Joe-Joe's. Well, okay, here's where things start going sideways. For the uninitiated, Joe-Joe's are TJ's version of Oreos. They're rather ridiculously tasty, and featured plenty this time of year in all sorts of festive offerings. But here? It's literally just cookie crumbs from the Joe-Joe's table. There's not a lot of them, and the ones present are rather small. This could be forgiven if Joe-Joe's creme filling were somehow incorporated (like a little reservoir in the bar itself?) but nope. The cookie essence is completely lost as the cookie crumbs aren't prominent enough in either size or taste to stand out at all. It just feels like another small crunchy bit that could be attributed to a candy cane instead. Not enough in my book. 

Dark chocolate; The usual goodness here. As usual, i could do darker but no complaints. 

There ya have it. For a $1.99 you could do better for sure, and while these won't ruin your day, if your kid ends up snatching the whole thing to use for shingles for a gingerbread house you shouldn't be heartbroken either. Middling score here all around with a double 3. 

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Candy Cane Joe-Joe's Dark Chocolate Bar: 6 out of 10 Golden Spoons. 

 

 

Trader Joe's Candy Cane Chocolate Covered Almonds

With it being only about two weeks before Christmas, you gotta break out the Christmas item reviews as much as possible. Couple years ago, we did one a day for a whole month, and subsequently since many of those same products returned, there's a whole bevy of them in the archives ready for you to search and find. it's actually kinda tough for us to find a new, seasonally appropriate review subject after ten years of writing for the blog. Gotta hear about it, find it (which may be the toughest part), buy it, eat it, review it...it's not that hard a life, but that's sometimes how you end up writing about things like trail mix crackers in early December. It's not a mild case of the bah-humbuggeries and absolutely not any poopy-pantsery, it's just how it is.

On to today's feature: Trader Joe's Candy Cane Chocolate Covered Almonds!

In yet another entry into the ever expanding catalog of TJ's chocolate nut varieties, these almonds are fairly new to stores within the past few weeks. Nothing says Christmas like a candy cane, and feeling a little nuts. 

Please forgive the close up pic of the packaging, and the product pic of a paltry pile. That's the aftermath, courtesy of my lovely bride, for once, and not myself, with packaging pics trying to disguise the carnage as much as we can. She demolished them. Have no shame, love. You know how often I do it. 

And I can see why. These candy-coated almonds make quite a tasty treat. There's a few layers at work here. At the core is your average tasty roasted almond. Who can hate that? No one, unless you're allergic or something. Then, like the rest of us, they're clothed in layers. For the under garmies is a decent, maybe half millimeter thick layer of dark chocolate. As expected, it's the typical tasty TJ's variety. Yums. Then atop of that, for warmth, is the outer layer of white chocolate. Can't argue there. And lastly, for final touches, are little teeny nuggs of candy cane for a minty touch. The more you eat, the mintier they get. 

At first, for everything going on here, they seemed a bit mild. A bit...under-flavored, maybe? The candy cane factor isn't overly strong for the first couple bites, and I was thinking it was somewhat muted by the chocolate layers a bit too much. Maybe too much chocolate, just pick one and go with it? Or heck, even split the difference between dark and white and make it milk chocolate? But then, when the candy canes begin to assert themselves a little, there's much better balance to everything, and while still not aggressively flavored, will keep you going back for more. 

So yup, we liked them. Sandy, even after being dealt with a weird random case of heartburn from them, had a few more bites and we had to negotiate the fate of the last handful of survivors. Tasty stuff. 

At $3.99 for the small tub, it's not an awful deal either. I could definitely buy 'em again and put them in a candy dish somewhere...or more likely stash away so i can eat 'em all myself. If someone took all mine, then i could be all bah-humbuggery and poopy-pantsery about that. Good stuff, calling it a double fours de force. 

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Candy Cane Chocolate Covered Almonds: 8 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Trader Joe's Trail Mix Crackers

This has been a year of curveballs and surprises—mostly unpleasant ones. That's been true for the world at large and very much true in my own personal life, as well. So I decided to do a surprise review of a non-Christmas item right in the middle of the Christmas season. Crazy, right?

I've got a sinking suspicion that this year isn't done with big surprises just yet, either. Be prepared for anything. Hopefully this review of Trader Joe's Trail Mix Crackers is a more pleasant "surprise" for most of you than what the remainder of 2020 has up its sleeve.

I mean it's not unheard of for us to look at "normal" products in December. And this one definitely deserves a looksee, as it slipped through the cracks review-wise for the past month and a half or so, and it's pretty darn unique and tasty. How many Trader Joe's products have we seen that prominently feature mung beans? Not many.

Combining all the best properties of crispy, crunchy, salty, cheesy crackers and the satisfying snacktasticality of a typical trail mix, this fun bag of munchy morsels is right up Trader Joe's alley. Each cracker is studded with cashew nuts, raisins, sesame seeds, and fried mung beans. All I really know about mung beans is that they're in a lot of Asian snacks and desserts. It's hard to isolate their flavor here because they're surrounded by so many other ingredients, but I believe they're slightly sweet and a little nutty.

And they work quite well with the nuttiness of cashews, pumpkin seeds, and sesame seeds. A bit of extra sweetness from the raisins helps balance out the mixture of flavors. There's also a "sugar syrup" listed in the ingredients, which I'm guessing served as the "glue" that attaches the trail mix pieces to the crackers.

Surprisingly, most of the crackers were fully intact when we first opened the package. A few broke into smaller shards. No biggie. The bag isn't resealable, which in larger families probably wouldn't be a problem. Since it's just Sonia and me, we didn't finish ours in one sitting, so we broke out the chip clips to preserve the freshness. Again, no biggie.

$2.49 for the 4.5 oz bag. Good for curbing hunger and pretty tasty. Four stars from Sonia. Three and a half from me.

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Decked Out Tree Cookies

Most normal years right around now, my lovely bride and I are busy as all heck, cleaning up the house and baking cookies for what we call our annual Holiday Cookie Potluck. It's...basically what it sounds like it is. Cookies, friends, family, gathering together, hanging out...but not this year. Not sure if you've noticed, but 2020 isn't exactly what any of us would call "normal" except if you're a weirdo. 

Anyhoos, we're adaptable and doing a smaller thing this year and taking it on the road. Yup, still making cookies, and gonna deliver to some folks this weekend, so we've still been busy with making cookies..and storing them...and smacking away each other's hands so we have enough for the cookie tins...and kids (myself included) still want to eat cookies while staring at them all day, literally within arm's reach, as we're doing work and school from home. 

So if we wanted to get some Trader Joe's Decked Out Tree Cookies to help hold us over this week, who can blame us? 

Look, there's nothing absolutely magical here. Really not. No offense. Take your basic cookie, add a little chocolate, then a little more, add some spirit fingers  I mean "festive sprinkles" and that's about what it is. I'm pretty sure we could easily make a homemade replica pretty easily here. 

But that doesn't mean these tree cookies aren't any good. Nah. They're downright delish. That cookie base isn't quite a shortbread - it's not as crumbly - but not exactly a sugar cookie - not crispy enough - either. Nah. it's like a nice little marriage of the two for texture, with a little hint of sugar. That's all that's needed to serve up the milk chocolate filling, of which there is plenty. The cookie itself even seems a little indented so to have a reservoir to have a little scooch extra filling, which, let's be honest, should be okay with literally everyone reading this. Gotta love the milk chocolate. I usually side more towards darker, but if this were a dark chocolate, it'd likely be too rich a cookie with the amount of filling/frosting slabbed atop. That white chocolate drizzle is a nice little touch, as is the sprinkles. Do they literally meet the definition of "decked out"? likely not, but the cookies are kinda cute, kinda snazzy, and definitely tasty, and what else does one need from a Christmas cookie really?

While not worthy to be the centerpiece of a holiday cookie tray, there's not a thing wrong with them either. Kids will likely love them. Mine sure did. And heck I don't really mind them either. And at like $3 for a tray of 8 cookies it's not a bad deal either. While not blown away, we are quite happy enough to give them a good score. 

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Decked Out Tree Cookies: 7 out of 10 Golden Spoons
 

Trader Joe's Gluten Free Italian Panettone

Sometimes I wonder if I wasn't supposed to be born into a big Italian family. I'd never even heard of the Feast of the Seven Fishes until a couple days ago, after watching the 2018 indie film by the same name. Seven types of fish and seafood all on the same day? Yes, please. I like the way you Italians roll.

Likewise, I'm becoming more and more fond of the panettone each year, thanks mostly to Trader Joe's. This is the fifth type of panettone product we've reviewed on this blog, and I don't think I've disliked any of them. They're tasty, festive, and Christmassy. Look, you can even hang this one on your tree. It's an ornament and a snack all in one.

Like the other panettones I've tried, this one is made with soft, supple, lightly sweet, slightly buttery bread. But this one's gluten-free! Goodness. I'm almost always stating that Trader Joe's gf products taste great but have a weird texture. Not this one. The texture here is amazeballs. I probably wouldn't have even guessed it was gluten-free if I hadn't known any better.

There's a good bit of packaging around the product. Maybe it's overkill, but it keeps the bread remarkably fresh. There's the decorative outer cardboard box, then there's a cellophane wrapper within, and finally, there's a cupcake-esque muffin liner on the bottom and sides of the panettone.

The product is spongy and pleasantly moist. The bread alone would make a great little treat, but there are "golden raisins" and teensy bits of candied orange peel scattered throughout the loaf to make it even more interesting. The sweetness level is probably on par with a breakfast muffin, rather than a dessert like cake or cupcakes. In fact I had my panettone for my breakfast yesterday, and it was the perfect size and density to serve as a morning meal.

At $1.99, it's plenty affordable. If you've got anybody with a gluten-free diet on your Christmas list, this product has Sonia's seal of approval and mine as well. The original glutenful version is still available, but the taste and texture of this one doesn't suffer much if at all for want of wheat or gluten. Four Christmas stars a piece.

Bottom line: 8 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Spicy Chakri Mix

 

During my freshman year of college, Aerosmith released their Nine Lives album. My dormitory roomie, whom I'd known since high school, and his then girlfriend, were big fans. So they purchased the CD shortly after its release. On it was a track entitled "Taste of India." The opening lines of it went: 

"Gotta love the sweet taste of India. Lingers on the tip of my tongue." 

Like a good Christian roommate, my old friend changed the lyrics to "Gotta love the sweet taste of Nathan's mom" and would sing it that way when it would play on his boombox in our very tiny dorm room. We'd always have a laugh together about the lyric swap, as "your mom" jokes were in vogue at the time. 

But none of us were well-versed when it came to actual Indian food back then. In subsequent years, walking the streets of Los Angeles and Philadelphia with a bag of curry or channa masala take-out in my hand, my friends would often hear me mumbling "Gotta love the sweet taste of Nathan's mom" under my breath and would ask what the heck I was singing.

I gotta give it to Trader Joe's for furthering my experience with Indian food. Most of their Indian selections aren't quite restaurant quality in my opinion, but they're close enough that when you consider price and convenience, they're still a must-try in most cases.

This snack bag is a little different from the other Indian selections I've had in that it's a dry snack, rather than a saucy meal with veggies, rice, and tofu or meat. It has a spice blend that's similar to a lot of other Indian treats—curry leaves, turmeric powder, and rosemary.

In some ways, it's not a far cry from a Tex-Mex snack mix. The smell is pretty similar and the heat level is comparable, also both styles are super crunchy. There are tiny balls, skinny sticks, peanuts, and those big long pieces that look like the spines of small animals, and each element is super crispy. Looks like all the pieces are made of chickpeas and/or rice, other than the peanuts, of course. I really do wish the peanuts were larger and more plentiful. The peanuts on the cover art are huge compared to the tiny ones I found in my mix.

Other than that, not too many complaints. It's a convenient, exotic snack that's got a decent flavor and a little spicy kick. It would be great on salads or maybe even mixed in with other Indian dishes. I'd even try it with other international cuisines. I'm thinking this would be great on top of Pad Thai or even in wonton soup...? 

It's salty, nutty, and moderately oily. I still think it would be much stronger with more peanuts. But hey, I can always add my own, right? $2.99 for the 7oz. bag. Three and a half stars from me. Four from Sonia.

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Pumpkin Spice Batons

The weather here in the upper midwest has been absolutely gorgeous this week. Highs in the low 70s, lows in the low 40s, not much humidity, and often not a cloud in the sky...it's like the fall we didn't have in October, when we saw a week with highs in the 20s and 30s and even an early snowstorm. So we've been spending a lot of time in the backyard.

We put out our lawn chairs, get a campfire going in the fire pit, let the dogs run around. Sometimes we even work out there during the day. I might smoke a cheap cigar or have a beer. Sonia will either have a cider or an insulated cup of coffee. We try to stay off our phones while we're out there. It's a great way to unplug from all the madness—not that we watch any mainstream media anyway, but we still get a good enough dose of the outside world to raise our blood pressure when we're on Youtube and Bitchute or surfing conspiracy investigative research forums.

This week we both sat out with some java and munched on these pumpkin spice batons. I think these are the third or fourth flavor of batons that we've sampled from Trader Joe's. We missed the mango batons in summer 2016, but we've had enough to know what to expect, and in general, we're fans of the crispy little snacks.

Each iteration of baton has had a wafery outer shell that's delicate, crunchy, and lightly sweet. There's also an inner layer of creamy, smooth filling, which is significantly sweeter and provides most of the flavor. This particular variety has a nice pumpkin spice blend that's not overbearing or too subtle—it's right in the middle as far as pumpkin spice intensity, and it's decidedly satisfying.

They go particularly well with coffee and are obviously fairly dunkable by virtue of their long, skinny straw-like shape. They soak up just enough of the beverage to get slightly soggy on the outside, but not enough to become structurally unstable. In other words, you can dunk repeatedly without much fear of half the baton breaking off and going for a plunge to the bottom of your drink.

For only $1.99 these are great for a fall snack or as a pairing for your morning cuppa joe. We're looking forward to a relaxing weekend in our backyard sanctuary, and we'll probably polish off the rest of the canister while we're out there. We'd definitely consider purchasing again next fall. Four stars from Sonia. Three and a half from yours truly.

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Nantucket Style Cranberry Pie

Writing this in the wee morning hours of a near sleepless night on the first Wednesday after the first Tuesday after the first Monday of a November that is (hopefully) nearing the culmination of yet another four year cycle that's been unlike any most of us have been around for, in a year like no other...there's a lot of different ways I could go with this next thought, but none of you are here for that. 

You're here for the pie! 

Specifically, Trader Joe's Nantucket Style Cranberry Pie.

Saying this while knocking on wood, no matter what lies ahead, Thanksgiving is a few weeks away. It's my favorite holiday of the year. It may look and feel different this year - Zoom calls and not card tables and folding chairs and all - but, no matter what, I'd like to focus on what I have to be thankful for. I urge you to do the same. Maybe give this a read if you need a nudge. 

Anyways, on to the Nantucket pie. Oh the limericks going thru my head right now. Is this a thing up there? Gonna have to check 'em out sometime. 

Do you like cranberries? If so you're gonna love this pie. that's the case with us. Tart, sweet, firm, a little smushy and jelled up - though there's a place in my heart for the stuff from a can, this is the real cranberry sauce kinda deal. Even better, there's a few walnuts sprinkled in. I emphasize a few. That's my only real complaint - a couple more crunchy walnuts would make this pie an absolute winner.

The crust almost makes up for it. Almost. It's not quite shortbready, but it's not plain ol' plain ol' either. I'm not sure what the proper classification is, except tasty. i can live with tasty. Can you? Good. 

It's $6.99 for the pie. Best deal in the world? Nah. but for something tasty and easy to put on the table, it's not awful at all either. Found in the freezer section, you can either thaw it at room temp for a couple hours - previous experience with this method suggests the longer the better - or you can stick in the oven, paper dish and all, for about 20 minutes then let cool to room temp. While not sure if a traditional way to enjoy or not, a little whipped cream or vanilla ice cream doesn't seem completely out of line.

As an added bonus, my kids (who I am continually thankful for, despite my thinning hairline and wallet thanks to them) don't really like cranberries...so more dessert for me!

Give it a try. As with most anything else, I truly hope everyone gets their piece of the pie they want and deserve. We'll give this one a good score.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Nantucket Style Cranberry pie: 8.5 out of 10 Golden Spoons

 

Trader Joe's Chocolate Chip Cocoa Meringues

My youngest offspring is currently obsessed with a show called The Bumble Nums. It's....well, I'll spare you all the details, but it's definitely geared for real little kids. The basic plot of each show centers around the three main characters getting "secret ingredients" for a dish they're gonna make. I suppose the point of it is to try and be cute while encouraging kids to try all sorts of food, but when the only word each character can say is a different intonation of the word "yum" and they things like snap peas somehow take on the characteristics and property of ninja stars, well, it gets old fast. 

Especially if watching the same episode over...and over...and over...just to keep quiet so school work and work work can get done around the house. Yeesh. 

Anyways, something like Trader Joe's Chocolate Chip Cocoa Meringues could probably be on the show. I mean,us adults know they're sure to be tasty, but a little kid has no idea what a meringue is. heck, even I have only more than a little clue. They sound fun and tasty...yet seem mysteriously with their swirrls and curls. 

So, as the narrator might ask for these, "What's the secret ingredient?"

Can't be the egg whites or sugar. I mean, that's all what a meringues is to give it a form and shape. Like most meringues, these TJ's cocoa puffs are light, airy, a tad aridly chalky, with plenty of chomp to them. Each meringues is easily three or four bites, giving plenty of time to bite on through. Yet there's a softer, not quite melt-in-the-mouth quality that does tend to emerge, just as a good meringue should. 

Maybe it's the coca? Nah. That's not a knock, as it's certainly a delicious flavor. Think of a really good hot cocoa mix, and that's about what these taste like, in meringue form. Plenty of flavor. If you were to dunk some in some warm milk, I'm pretty sure it'd turn right to hot chocolate. No complaints at all, especially for the chocoholic portion of the family...which is basically all of us. 

So i guess it must be the chocolate chips? Excuse me, in the Bumble Nums spirit I need to call them something like Chompy Chocolate Chips and pretend they all have mouths that go CHOMP so you got to be careful when you catch them scurrying around...I digress. There's mini chocolate chips! Like, super mini, so much that I kinda passed over them at first. But every few bites there's a slightly extra cocoa-concentrated pocket with a bit more of a chew to them, and they they are. They work, and pretty seamlessly well, that do give the meringues a little extra kick.

Meringues aren't my personal favorite, but they'll do for a treat now and then. Wife and kids all gave them a hearty thumbs up, and I'll give them a pass for being a fairly decadent, comparatively low-cal almost-guilt-free treat. You'll get a box of about 20 of them for around $3.69 which seems a fair enough value. 3s from me, 4s from everyone else. And a chorus of "Yums!"

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Chocolate Chip Cocoa Meringues: 7 out of 10 Golden Spoons