Trader Joe's Organic Cold Brew Mocha Nut Latte

July. Hot hot hot. Or, if in Pennsylvania like me, it's beginning to get humid too. Real humid. Granted, it's not the sweltering unrelenting steam of late July-to-mid-September that feels like a homicidal dishwasher going full tilt with the door cracked open quite yet, but it's coming. You desert people with your dry heat - you're lucky. I've been in 115 degree heat that's been dry and more comfortable than mid-80's and 10000% humidity.

Still need coffee. We've been over this. I don't need to sell you on the idea that cold brew coffee is a great idea for summer months.

So if TJ's comes out with one, I'm gonna try it. So here's Trader Joe's Organic Cold Brew Mocha Nut Latte. Seems to be a break from my normal black brew - not the worst thing in the world, can use some flavor every once in a while, so here's a swig....

....uhhh, what the H-E-double bendi straw is THAT? This isn't coffee. it's not even close. "Brown chalky liquid somewhat resembling coffee" may be a more apt description.

First of all, I didn't see this before sipping, there's liquefied dates in here. As a predominant ingredient, as in, like, right after water. Ugh. Don't get me wrong, I like dates. I've had coffee and dates for breakfast. I like dates with my coffee. I like coffee with my dates. I like going on dates to get coffee. I like drinking coffee to get along with my date, err, I mean, wife. All that being said, I do not need dates in my coffee, especially when it adds this weird chunky pulpy complexion....

...which is only added to by both almond and cashew milk. I have no problem with either individually or mixed together, and prefer over regular cow juice, to be honest, but by themselves they push beverage texture to about its max for me. Inclusion of said dates pushes it over.

There's so much earthy groundlike flavor going on that it's almost easy to overlook the actual coffee aspect. it's there, but not nearly strong enough for my liking. Disclaimer: Usually I drink unadulterated black, so take it for what its worth. There's some vanilla and cinnamon, I guess, and obviously a nutty flavor, but mocha? Not to me. Just weird nutty creamy datey coffeesque stew. Yum. Not.

Not a fan, as you've guessed by now. Sandy enjoys more than I do, but also notes that the chalkchunkpulp issue is a major putoff, enough that despite liking the flavor she stated she will not purchase again. Somehow this warrants a three in her book. Me? Nowhere close to that, and it's not the heat getting to me. It's just not that good, at all. Blah.



Bottom line: Trader Joe's Organic Cold Brew Mocha Nut Latte: 4 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Trader Joe's Organic Lemon Ginger Herbal Flavored Water

Ah, tomorrow's the Fourth of July. And there's nothing quite as Murican as lemon-ginger-infused water to celebrate Independence Day. Let's take a look.

Imagine you just consumed a plate of lemon ginger chicken. Now imagine you rinsed off the plate and collected the water from it. Imagine further that you had a temporary lapse in judgement or some kind of heat stroke and decided it would be a good idea if you drank said rinse water. 

Ahh, refreshing right? Depending on the temperature of the water...perhaps. But still a pretty weird taste. Yeah. I'm not feeling it. And I like lemon and ginger just fine. And in case you're wondering, no, this product doesn't taste like chicken. I just couldn't think of any other legitimate reason you might have lemon and ginger on a plate.

The ghost of lemon and ginger present here is just potent enough to ruin the super-neutral taste of plain water, and yet it's not strong nor sweet enough to be any kind of delicious chuggable beverage.

And another thing: the write-up on the packaging claims this product is "Hydration with flare." "Hydration with flare"? Did I somehow miss that this water is flammable? Does the water have a high enough alcohol content to serve it flambé? Or did they mean "flair"? Or is this use of the word "flare" somehow acceptable here? Was the water flavored with road flares?

So if you ask me, just go ahead and skip this hippy dippy nonsense and go drink a tooth-rotting, high fructose corn syrup-laden Coca-Cola tomorrow while you watch those fireworks. One won't kill you. Coke is deliciously American, and this stuff just isn't. Fair comparison? No. Apples and oranges? Sure. I'm fresh out of more appropriate comparisons. This heat's getting to me.

Sonia thinks she'd just rather drink plain old water for refreshment—or maybe even sparkling mineral water. I agree. One star a piece.

Bottom line: 2 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Calamansi Cooler

If you were to juice an octopus or squid and turn it into a drinkable cocktail, it might be a faint clear-yellow-orange color, and you might call it Calamari Cooler.

Because of its unfamiliarity, the word "calamansi" didn't exactly roll off our tongues, so we opted to be silly and call this drink "Calamari Cooler." We'd pour a can into a glass and offer our guests some Calamari Cooler and were met universally with surprise and/or disgust.

Only then would we explain that we were just being weird because that's just kinda what we do and then we'd show them the can. Neither Sonia nor I nor a single one of our friends had heard of the calamansi fruit before encountering this beverage. We Americans are so sheltered when it comes to exotic fruits. Thank goodness for Trader Joe and his daring ventures into Southeast Asia.

It's a strange flavor, especially at first. But it certainly grew on me since my initial reaction. It really does fall very close to a lemon-lime sort of taste, but there's something else there that's very difficult to put my finger on—almost something tangerine-esque. Sonia thinks it might be more like grapefruit.

The flavor is light, refreshing, and not very intense at all except for some moderate tartness. Despite the fact that sugar is the second ingredient, it's not overly sweet.

It's a nice summer beverage for sure. We'll probably buy it again to beat the summer heat. $2.99 for four cans. Four stars from Sonia. Three and a half from me.

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Pineapple Mango with Natural Mint Flavor Agua Fresca

We've come across obscene amounts of mango products from TJ's over the years, including a beverage or two. We've been braving mango drinks and reviewing them here since 2010. The flavor of this one isn't such a far cry from other authentic mango juices, although this one's much thinner than anything that might be called "nectar," or really even anything called "juice." It's cool, fresh, flavored water.

You really could replicate the flavor of this stuff by taking ordinary mango nectar, adding water, a dash of pineapple juice, and simply brushing your teeth before taking a swig. Same effect. Okay, not really. The mint here tastes slightly more pleasant than Colgate, although it seems a bit out of place somehow. It sounded good when I read it on the label, but in actual practice, I'm not a huge fan.

Sonia grew up with aguas frescas in her native sunny Southern California. Some of her favorites included tamarind, cantaloupe, and watermelon. According to her, even drinks like horchata are technically a type of agua fresca...and I looove me some horchata. 

Russ and Sandy checked out the flower-flavored variety a week or two ago. I tried a similar hibiscus beverage when I lived in L.A. and I wasn't a fan of the taste—but hey, each to his own. I thought I'd fare better with a fruity flavor, but the essence of this one didn't really grab me either.

Sonia likes this drink a lot more than I do. She enjoys the "lightness" of it. I must admit, the lack of sweetness here is very refreshing. It's not a bad beverage, particularly if you consider the refreshment factor. I'm just not digging the overall flavor all that much.

Sonia's interested in trying the other varieties sold at Trader Joe's, but she wishes they offered more traditional flavors like the ones sold in Mexican marketplaces.

Three stars from me. Four stars from the wifey.

Bottom line: 7 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Organic Cold Brew Coffee

"Hi, my name's Dada, and I need to eat more coffee."

When they're not too busy calling me "Uncle Russ" or "Rusty" or threatening to eat my head, this is how my kids (almost five and two and a half years old) are choosing to mock me these days. I suppose it could be worse.

But imagine a little voice saying that, in a mockingly deep and somewhat serious tone.

And yes, it's a true statement. Except for eating part, especially that the TJ's coffee craze has seemingly subsided.

Now that it's after Memorial Day, it's officially cold brew coffee season. Hot coffee, when hot outside, is awful. No one needs that. But a well done cold brew coffee? Rich and smooth and delicious, with a roasted sweetness tacked on? Yes please. All summer along.

Trader Joe's Organic Cold Brew Coffee is precisely that. If not for the new coffee shop that just opened down the street from us, I'd be stocking up even more on the TJ brew. There's not much to nitpick here. Heck, I even love the bottle, with the oddly satisfying pull-ring pop cap. When that cracks open, it did something for me. Can't explain it. But it did.

The cold brew is decidely dark, with a full on flavor that I thoroughly enjoyed drinking black over some ice. One is supposed to "pour hard" to apparently activate the nitrogenation of this beverage...um, okay, sure. there might be something to that. I'd be lying to say that I noticed one way or another, so if that is a failure of my pouring technique, so be it. I did what I could.

I heard from our TJ's cashier that some have said this coffee is decidely high octane with extra caffeeine. It might be that espresso they tack in. Again, haven't noticed that myself, to be honest. At time of writing I drank this several hours ago while grilling dinner, and I could go to bed within five minutes and be fine. Must be those kids driving me crazy over a long holiday weekend.

A bottle costs $1.99 and can be found in the refrigerated area, in our particular store near the yogurt and juices. Compare to the normal coffee shop prices, and it's not an awful deal. I'd tell you what Sandy thought of it, but I kinda, without thinking too hard about it, drank most of it with her getting only a small sip or two. I don't know why she didn't get her own. Oh well. Must have been lack of coffee - it's not just Dada who's so caffeine dependent, after all.

No real complaints, and is in fact pretty robust and tasty, so let's just say it's pretty darn good.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Organic Cold Brew Coffee: 8 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Trader Joe's Organic Hibiscus Agua Fresca

Mid, moving to late May. You know what time of year it is. This is when it begins to get hot. Maybe not consistently quite yet, but the past couple days out here in the 'burgh - yup, hot. Get the iced coffee for the mornings, for those fortunate enough to have AC in their house, crank it a smidge. For more simple folks like us, open the windows, turn on the fans, circulate some air, hope for the best.

At least it ain't August yet. That's the worst.

Anyways, you gotta get your cool drink game plan down. Do it now, while there's still a chance at some seasonal forgiveness from the heat barrage that's sure to happen.

And may I humbly suggest adding Trader Joe's Organic Hibiscus Agua Fresca to the rotation?

Admittedly, this a bit out of the comfort zone for me. I know that "agua fresca" means something along the lines of "cool water" in Spanish, and that a hibiscus is one of the many boring plants at the flower shows I used to get dragged to as a kid. I may have had a legit "agua fresca" in Mexico a few years back - papaya if I recall correctly. Tasted more like hot dog water. But I figured I had to give this a try.

Glad I did. The "subtly-sweet juice beverage" description is fairly accurate. There's a lot of flavors at play here, but sugar for the sake of sugar is, thankfully, not one of them. There's a cranberry-esque tartness from the hibiscus that carries much of the way through, with a slightly citrusy finish. There's also a definite brewed tea-type element. But it's a light, clean, crisp flavor, that doesn't linger at all. Nor does it sink and feel a little heavy like juice sometimes can. It's good.

I haven't given the hibiscus agua fresca the "just mowed the lawn" test yet, but I think it'd pass with flying colors. Will try this weekend and report back if, somehow, it fails.

Both Sandy and I enjoyed it quite a bit for the coolness, the crispness, the cleanness. Not too tart, not too sweet - instead, it just seems to balance everything just right. This just might this summer's hot new cool drink.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Organic Hibiscus Agua Fresca: 8.5 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Trader Joe's Organic Jalapeño Limeade

Oh, this would have been perfect last week, with it being Cinco de Mayo and all, right?

Uh...maybe?

There's a couple common misperceptions about Cinco de Mayo. I'll be open to correction here. But I always hear it referred to as "Mexican Independence Day." Uh...nope. Cool idea and all, but seems, much like St Patrick's day, to be American appropriation of foreign culture with a big excuse to drink heavily. No disrespect to the actual meaning behind Cinco de Mayo, of course.

Listen, you don't need excuses to drink margaritas and eat tacos. And something that may go well in said margarita or alongside said taco is Trader Joe's Organic Jalapeño Limeade. 

+1 to TJ's for not labelling it Trader Jose's. 

As for the drink itself, it's interesting. In an interesting way. Admittedly, to my very gringo self, at first there was a "Mexican" vibe to it, mostly because nothing goes better with most Mexican dishes to me than a little spice and a little citrus lime twist. And that's more or less what the limeade tastes like - sweet limeade, without much bite, smoothly transitioning down to a spicy afterburn courtesy of the powdered jalapeños. The heat factor seems to waver a bit from sip to sip - some seem relatively mild, others with a deeper burn - but to my taste, never delved into unpleasant territory. Your mileage may vary, of course. 

That's kinda the crux - the jalapeño. It will make or break the drink for you. To me, it kinda limits the appeal somewhat. When I try to discern how refreshing a drink may be, I think if I'd want to drink a beverage after doing a few hours of yard work on a hot day. With that spice, I think this would score rather low...but I'm willing to be wrong. 

As a plus, that burn mixes nearly seamlessly with a little booze poured in. So there's that. 

At this point, Sandy and I are both more or less indifferent. There's apparently a Minute Maid jalapeño lemonade that she prefers. Good chance I'll be drinking most of this, slowly but surely. I'm okay with that, but it'll last a while. Nothing much else to say, muchachos. Solid threes from us both. 

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Organic Jalapeño Limeade: 6 out of 10 Golden Spoons  

Trader Joe's Monsooned Malabar Coffee

In case you haven't noticed, it's absolutely coffee season at Trader Joe's. Just in the past couple weeks, we've hit up amazing coffee brownies, coffee cookies, heck, even coffee flavored cased meats. And there's a lot more we haven't officially gotten to yet - but just you wait. Coffee is 2017's answer to 2016's mango, apparently.

And yes....I just realize now this will post on March 17th. St. Patty's Day. If you were hoping for something a little more Irish, check out this or this - or for the imposter green, this. My bad.

Anyways, in this coffee season, and on a day we all could use an extra cup...how about an actual coffee?

Introducing Trader Joe's Monsooned Malabar Coffee. Doesn't that sound fancy and exotic? Um, I guess. There's some huge ol' write up on the back about the history of coffee being transported on ships and being exposed to the elements and how that affected the coffee and how this can of java purports to mimic all that. Well, alright, I'll take their word for it. How's it taste?

Not amazing. Not bad. As an avid black coffee drinker, I like to think I can taste the nuances of different beans and roasts and whatnot. I'm just not picking up much here. But that's not a complaint. I like my coffee to taste, first and foremost, like coffee. That's how this brew is. Medium roast, fairly even and smooth for the whole sip. The can states there's a "woodsy aromatic" which I'm not completely buying but it smells like good coffee.

That's my take. But for a better one, take Sandy's. Up until the past few weeks, her coffee cup consisted of 10 parts creamer and sugar to 1 part coffee. Now, she drinks it plain and straight too. Obligatory Airplane! reference. She adjusted rather quickly, actually, and for all the coffees we've tried at home over the past few weeks, this may have been her favorite thus far. She stated it's because the Monsooned Malabar tries to be a good coffee on its own merits, instead of relying on additives to even it all out, if that makes sense.

And yes, in the spirit of St Patty's Day, you could probably "Irish it up" a bit and it'd work  quite well.

Worth a shot. We're both pretty happy and most likely will buy again, especially with how the two of us drink coffee almost nonstop on the weekends here. Decent stuff at a decent price - $6? $7? Typical price range for TJ's coffee, so we're going with a typical TJ's coffee score.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Monsooned Malabar Coffee: 7 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Josephsbrau Spring Prost

Following in the footsteps of other Gordon Biersch-produced, Trader Joe's-distributed, seasonally-inspired Josephsbrau brews, here we have a delightful vernal offering of Maibock style lager.

I retained enough of my high school and college German to know that "Mai" means May, and that these beers are traditionally served at spring festivals in that particular very merry month. And while we're still just getting into the swing of my other favorite month that starts with "M," it is feeling significantly warmer than Sonia and I are used to this time of year since we're still exploring the Carolinas—a great deal farther south than we've been at this time of year for the past six years or so. All that to say, it feels appropriate enough to be consuming spring-themed products at this particular juncture.

I have certainly heard of bocks and Maibocks before, but I've actually never heard of a "prost" prior to laying eyes on this product. They probably deliberately avoided the word in our German classes because teaching it to us would have been construed by certain overprotective parents and/or uptight faculty as encouraging underage drinking, since the word is inextricably intertwined with beer, and is used to say "cheers" auf Deutsch.

As far as the actual product goes, I think I enjoyed this one the most of any Josephsbrau beverages that I've tried thus far. It was somewhat foamy, with a larger-than-usual head, and it poured a color I'd put somewhere between mahogany and amber. It tasted nutty, caramelly, and moderately bitter. I found it slightly smoother and more drinkable than most beers, and I'd happily purchase it again at $1.17 per bottle. Sonia tried it and was similarly pleased, but perhaps not quite as much as I was.

Three and a half stars from her. Four from me.

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Instant Coffee Packets

As I've confessed many times, I'm not exactly a coffee connoisseur. Or even a coffee appreciator. But when it's twenty cents a cup for my daily dose of caffeination, I say "Bring on the java!"

Sonia's fine with this light roast too, because it's not only cheap, it's also ridiculously convenient to just pour the packet into hot water. There are no troubling mishaps with sugar bowls full of ants, annoying blunders with creamers that have been sitting in the fridge too long, or problematic incidents with unrinsed French presses. Just good, cheap coffee, ideal for travel.

I give this product a respectable three and a half stars. Sonia will throw out four on this one.



Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.

Josephsbrau Winter Brew

Another Princeton run? Nope. Sonia and I are in the South. And it's way easier to buy beer down here. Back in the Keystone State, you had to go to a specialized beer distributor to get your hands on cervezas. Our part of the Garden State wasn't much easier. No grocery stores carried the stuff—not even the happy Hawaiian-shirt-clad helpers at TJ's could sell you suds in South Jersey. Even Wilmington, DE was similarly prohibitionist. 

But my old stomping ground of Wilmington, NC had an especially alluring wooden shelf well-stocked with Trader Joe's brand bottles, including a "mix-a-six" option, where customers could try up to six different craft beers in one cardboard case, paying à la carte prices for each bottle—most of which were in the ballpark of one dollar each. Merry Christmas to me.

I guess Trader Joe's worked out a great deal with Gordon Biersch—they're mass producing all of the Josephsbrau label beers for TJ's stores. When I used to visit the Gordon Biersch restaurant chain during my time in L.A., I'd refer to it as "Gordon Beer-ish." As in, "That Gordon. He's such a beer-ish fellow, isn't he?" 

Quite beer-ish indeed, it turns out.

This brew was the first one out of the fridge. 7.5% alcohol content, seasonally-appropriate, and a sleek, handsome label? Seemed like the logical choice. 

Now keep in mind, I've only broadened my horizons to dark beers in the past few years. But in that short amount of time, I've discovered what I like and what I don't like, and this beer was somewhere in the middle.

It's got a nice deep brown color, and it pours with a small amount of suds on top. There's a molasses-esque sweetness about it, but it's still dark, malty, and very subtly spicy. It's not super thick or heavy the way some dark beers can be—I'm not a fan of drinking motor oil.

I still don't have my cicerone certification yet, but I'm working on it. When tasting new beers, I always make up my own mind about how I feel about them first, but I like to check BeerAdvocate after the fact to see just how far off I am from, you know...people who actually know what they're talking about. Seems these pseudo-beer-experts liked this brew a bit more than I did in general, but user "HopsAreDaMan" in particular summed up my feelings about this beer when he said, "...although I would happily drink this beer if offered to me, I would not seek it out."

Bottom line: 6.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Joyous Joe

Let's do some quick analysis here: Thanksgiving is a four day weekend. That means four days off, with a couple small kids. That equates to a lot of coffee consumption for us adults. Conveniently, there's four mini-cans of coffee that come in Trader Joe's Joyous Joe, so there'd be like a new flavor every day, right? How can this go wrong? Heck, it might even made a great little holiday gift for a white elephant-type deal, right, so it'd double as review fodder. Really, can't go wrong here....

Wrong.

There's four flavors here: Peppermint Mocha, Wintry Blend, Pumpkin Spice Coffee, and Gingerbread Coffee. Each variety comes in a canister that holds enough pre-ground coffee to make a large 10 to 12 cup pot o' joe.  I'll go through them in order we tried them...

Gingerbread Coffee: Thanksgiving Day. There's an issue here. Usually, we're French press folks, which requires course ground coffee. It's the standard grind for these beans, which means a regular drip pot is required. No matter, we have one of those, with the right size paper filters, let's fire it up...Cue catastrophe. the gingerbread coffee has ground ginger in it which apparently "blooms" a bit when wet. Because of this, somehow, some of those ginger bits Houdini'ed themselves out of the paper filter and lodged themselves under the rubber gasket of the dispenser drip nozzle thing of our coffee pot. So, right after Sandy filled her first cup, the coffee just kept flowing - nonstop - all over the counter and floor and everywhere. I was in the other room and I hear her yell for help and in our pre-caffeined state we have to figure out what in the heck is going on. I have to take the reservoir off and carry to the sink while Sandy holds a cup underneath it to catch all the drips, which sounds easy enough to do until you remember: no caffeine yet. Not easy or fun. This happen to anyone else? Please tell me this happened to someone else.

Tasted decent enough, with a strong ginger flavor. A little robust, and I'm not sure I'd make it my usual cup, but it worked for the day. Probably my favorite out of the bunch.

Peppermint Mocha: Friday. With the Exxon Valdez-ian coffee catastrophe of the previous day behind us, and coffee pot fixed via thorough dislodging of ginger chunks with a toothpick (fun times!), it's minty mocha time. Not great, not awful. Chocolate and mint work well in tea form but never coffee for me - not sure why. Decent amount of mint, meager amounts of chocolate, tasted kinda watery and a little sad. Still better than the peppermint mocha Sandy picked me up from McD's the other day. I'd rank third out of the group.

Pumpkin Spice: Saturday. Enough said. You know what I am by now. Last in my book. Go away, pumpkin spice. Blecch. Go away.

Wintry Blend: Sunday. We are a house divided on this coffee. I think it tastes fine, with a little extra bite. Out of any of the varieties, I could see getting a full can of it. Sandy says it tastes like it was stirred with a burned stick. Hrmm, there are "spices" listed: cloves, nutmeg...and cracked pepper? Pepper, in coffee? Now that's a new thing to me at least, and it does add an extra little slap that I could see would be offputting - I do get the burned stick sensation, but I just so happen to like it. Not Sandy.

So, there you have it. I'd prefer a full bean version so I could use a French press; however I know not everyone has their own bean grinder so I get why it's pre-ground as a default. If you need an inexpensive (less than $10) gift for someone who likes flavored coffees, or if you just want a little seasonal variety pack, I could see it the Joyous Joe being a worthwhile pick up. But we'll probably pass going forward. Sandy's in the spirit with giving it a three, I'm bah-humbuggin' it with a two overall.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Joyous Joe: 5 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Trader Joe's Chocolate Mint Flavored Black Tea

Finally, begrudgingly, reluctantly, and much to my chagrin, the heat is on my house for the fall/winter. It's not that I don't like being warm. Who doesn't? But what I don't like is paying a whole bunch extra on utility bills just so I can be comfy in a t shirt around the house. Plus: it's a 101-year old house I live in. Turning on the furnace does more than make it a little bit warmer; it also makes my dwelling's inherent draftiness all that much more palpable.

In my house, if you're cold: Put on another layer. Grab a hoodie. Lay on another blanket. Still cold? Go run a fast lap or two around the block then come back inside. Bet you're warmer then. There's other ways I occasionally recommend to my wife Sandy that we can keep each other warm, but she's not terribly amused by it. Fill in the blanks yourself. 

And of course: hot beverages. Coffee is nearly almost always welcome, but there are certain times and places a hot cuppa tea hits the warm beverage spot a little bit better. While in search of our favorite seasonal TJ tea, Sandy and I instead came across Trader Joe's Chocolate Mint Flavored Black tea, and were just intrigued enough we had to try.

Good stuff, this tea. Each tea bag comes individually sealed in a plastic wrapper that once cracked elicits a strong, fragrant mint scent that's fairly inviting. It's almost as strong as some mint gums, but in a more pure/less candified way. When brewing and sipping, it's still that same smell that carries through, so naturally, it's a pretty pepperminty tea. But that's not all there is. There's some coca shells in the tea bag, presumably crushed to itty bits, which add a definite chocolate flavor. The black tea itself, along with some chicory, make for a good tea base for the chocolate and mint to play off of one another. To me, sugar and cream aren't necessities, but I tried a sip of Sandy's, and with a little something added, the chocolate and mint seem to pop even more. I don't want to say it tastes like an Andes Candy in tea form, because that's not precisely it...but it's not terribly offbase either.

Gotta love the bear in an ugly Christmas tree sweater too, with the look in his eyes suggesting he just spilled some on his pant leg or bare bear feet. Would this bear wear pants? I'm thinking a nice pair of corduroy khakis.

Regardless, it's a fine tea, with just enough going on to suggest a dessert vibe. I could see getting some flavor fatigue if drinking this tea a few days in a row - admittedly, it does taste a little gimmicky. But I like it, as does the wife. She's going for a four, while I'm coming in a little lower - in the end, she's more of a tea person than me. No matter. Now pass me another blanket.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Chocolate Mint Flavored Black Tea: 7 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Trader Joe's Black Cold Brew Coffee

Like most semi-functional adults I know, I need coffee every day. In multiple doses.

Preferred methods of intake primarily include: a relatively leisurely French press pot at home, plunged by either my four year old, my just-turned-two-year-old, or, when the girls ask just sweetly enough, the dog (all with my assistance, of course). Or when the chance allows, a cup from a good, local coffee shop.

Preferred methods of intake do not include the work coffee pot or vending machine, or a tepid tankard of brown water from the gas station on the way to work. Though that's what I settle for far too often.

So, Trader Joe's Black Cold Brew Coffee can be a nice little mix up. Someone please explain why TJ's is debuting this cold brew can-to-go in November, though. In my little world, there is an inverse relationship between coffee temperature and the five day forecast. Hot weather : cold coffee. Cold weather : hot coffee. Simple, right?

Speaking of simple...so's this slim can o' cold caffeine. Unlike most cold brew or iced coffees I have tasted, this TJ's one doesn't try to be extra dark or roasty or overly robust or anything. So many of them can be so bittersweet that the taste nearly veers towards offputting. Not this brew. It literally tastes like regular coffee....except purposefully cold. Which isn't that wonderful.

I've been a black coffee drinker for nealry two years now, which I like to think has helped cultivate a discerning coffee palate. Even after waiting for the can to warm up a smidge to see if the temperature had any flavor locked up, when I tasted again, still, not really anything there. Fans of this website may appreciate the flat earthiness of the taste...eh. Doesn't do much for me, but not that I minded

For the record, there is a vanilla flavored version of the cold brew coffee as well, which my wife Sandy tried, but I didn't. From what she said, it's not a creamy coffee, but rather like a flavored oil (or however one makes flavored coffee beans), so it wasn't what she hoped for or expected, but tasty enough.

A can runs $1.79 a pop, and it's one of those fashionable little slim dinky cans, too. The price stikes me as fair enough of a value, but not one I'll go for terribly often either. the eight ounces got me just enough caffeine to last for a few hours at work, and I enjoyed more than the work options, so it's not horrible either. Just all kinda meh. Like me without enough coffee.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Black Cold Brew Coffee: 5.5 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Trader Joe's Hat Trick Trio of Bitters

I've learned several things as a result of purchasing this product: (1) I missed my true calling in life as a bartender. (2) When they say "bitter," believe it. (3) It's nearly impossible to squeeze 1oz of juice from the average lime with your hands. (4) If Trader Joe's wants you to pay upwards of $15 for something, there's a reason for the premium.

We made all three drinks described on the packaging: Joe's Whiskey Sour, The New Daiquiri, and the Citrus Grove Gin Rickey. To be honest, I've never had a whiskey sour or a gin rickey ever before in my life. And the daiquiri in this case was nothing like the strawberry daiquiris I've tasted. Yes, I know. Haha. I've only tried the girliest drink out of the three. To be fair, though, I don't think I've ever actually ordered my own daiquiri. I've simply tasted my dates' daiquiris. Honestly. What? Don't believe me? Fine.

And I also poured the bitters right onto my tongue. Guess what? They're bitter. And potent. They cost so much because they'll last you five years longer than it takes for the earth to crash into the sun...or until you decide to move out of your house and into a new dwelling for the fourth time in seven years and you pass the little bottles along to friends as part of your downsizing efforts. But who would do a crazy thing like that?

The recipes call for five "dashes" of each bitter in its respective drink. How big is a "dash" exactly? I'm pretty sure that's not a universal unit of measure. But whatever. I think I erred on the side of "more than five dashes," because I genuinely appreciated the flavor they contributed, although I added a bit of extra syrup as well to balance out the bitterness. We used an agave syrup we had on hand rather than the called-for "simple syrup."

I think I liked the whiskey sour the best, mainly because I love lemon. But the other two beverages were nothing to sneeze at. Sonia liked the rickey drink the best. It really did have a nice citrusy vibe, and the grapefruit bitter probably had the most interesting flavor in and of itself. We both enjoyed the daiquiri, but to me, the spicy bitter/white rum combo was the weakest of the three concoctions.

If you're not into the whole drinking scene, the package gives a few other suggestions for enjoying these bitters. It mentions using them on fruit or ice cream. I must admit, we did NOT try them that way, and we couldn't really see how that could possibly work. If you have tried the bitters that way, please let us know in the comments whether you liked it or not. 

The box also mentions using the bitters in non-alcoholic beverages. That we did try. But after adding them to several different juices, fruit-infused sparkling waters, and sugar-free energy drinks (okay, that last one was just me) Sonia and I agreed that nothing worked quite as well as mixing them with good old-fashioned booze. Also, it's curious that they're 40% alcohol themselves. Yet they can be sold at TJ's that don't sell alcoholic beverages. I guess that's because nobody could ever drink enough of this stuff straight out of the bottle to get any kind of buzz without plastering a permanent pucker-face on his ugly mug. And in case some of you are wondering—no, I didn't try to do it myself. I only drank a dash or two straight from the bottle. I just look that way naturally.

Anyway, score-wise, we know this product won't be for everybody. It's a relatively small amount of liquid for a relatively high price. But if you look up comparable gift packs of three bitters, most other brands will run you in the ballpark of $50 instead of $16. For that reason and for the quality of the product, I give it four and a half stars. Sonia will go with four.

Bottom line: 8.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Raspberry Cranberry Spritzer

There's something very festive about cranberries. I guess it all started with cranberry sauce, an integral part of the traditional Thanksgiving meal. I mean, they cram cranberry sauce into those ubiquitous Thanksgiving-themed wraps during the month of November. Cranberry is even part of most Christmas meals and many Christmas snacks these days. 

I'm sure there was some earlier version of the fruit that was consumed at the first Thanksgiving—something other than the shivering, gelatinous mass that slides out of a tin can and maintains the exact shape of the canister, right down to the ridges around the sides of the product. The Pilgrims and Native American Indians might have eaten, like, actual cranberries. Apparently, they're harvested up until the middle of November, so it makes sense they'd have a bunch of them on hand. Or, just as likely, they may have had cranberry juice to drink.

Raspberry is more of a summer fruit. But thanks to Ocean Spray, most of us know that raspberry and cranberry together is something pretty tasty and special. Add a little sparkliness...er, spritzeriness? And how could you go wrong?

The taste is lightly sweet, but very natural. It actually tastes like fruit juice and sparkling water. You can taste raspberry, cranberry, and even a dash of lemon flavor, but it's not as tart and intense as the aforementioned Ocean Spray offering. Both beverages are good, in my opinion, albeit in completely different ways. The sparkling water adds the perfect amount of fizz and dilutes the juiciness and syrupiness of the product, so it seems just a bit more sophisticated than typical Cran-Raz. Ever have Izze sparkling juice drinks? It's very similar to those.

Speaking of sophistication, how about the packaging? It's a very nice, classy bottle. To be honest, I'm not even sure if the cap was twist-off or not. In my zeal to open the product, I pried the metal cap off with a bottle opener without even testing my hand at the bottle top. Even though I managed to snap the only-slightly-mangled cap back in place, the spritzer will most likely lose its fizz pretty quickly. Oh well. Good excuse to chug a bunch of it today.

Because it's not super cheap ($3.49) I doubt I'll pick this up each time I swing by TJ's, but I would most definitely consider this as the non-alcoholic beverage to accompany my Thanksgiving and/or Christmas dinners.

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Autumn Apple Rooibos Tea

"You're gonna like the way this tea tastes. I guarantee it."

Pardon me. I've been saying stuff like that all week, because I have that voice. You know the one. Low. Gravelly. Deep. It's late October, just got the first real cold spell of the year, it's cold/sore throat time. I've been feeling fine, aside from sounding like the dude on Men's Warehouse commercials. I'd love to hear him take some hits off a helium balloon sometime, by the way.

So chilly...insides need some warmin' and calmin'...it's tea time. But too early yet for lemur tea.

Fortunately, there's SPRINGBOK tea!

Trader Joe's Autumn Apple Rooibos Tea proudly has a well trained springbok balancing an apple on it's snout on the box. Why? Well, because rooibos is from South Africa...so are springboks...if it's a TJ's seasonal tea, there needs to be a cute, lovable animal on it. Connection. Boom. Springbok tea.

Never mind that it's actually spring in South Africa right now...I digress.

It's good tea. Not great, but good. Rooibos, in my admittedly limited experience, is kinda a complex flavor for different flavors to arise out of. It's kinda the same here - unless a decent amount of sugar gets dumped in, the apple gets a little lost. I mean, it's there, but really needs to be coaxed out. There is a sweet and fruity taste to the tea, but I wouldn't default directly to apple.

I will say the longer the tea steeps, the better it tastes. The directions on the box say six minutes. Go longer. Keep that tea bag in there while you drink it - the last few swallows are the best and most vibrant without being overkill.

Sandy likes the tea a smidge or two more than I. I think it's because she usually adds sugar or honey to hers, while I prefer mine sans additive. To her, the autumn apple tea tastes like a good cross between hot apple cider ("that can be too apple-y and sweet') and tea - not too much one or the other. She's also generally more into tea than I am, which may help. It's a good solid four for her, while a three-ish, suits me just fine.*

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Autumn Apple Rooibos Tea: 7 out of 10 Golden Spoons 

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*Hahaha, get it? "Suits!" Hahahh....maybe I'm more delirious than I thought

Trader Joe's Unsweetened Organic Açaí Puree Packets

Stepping out of our comfort zones and trying new things—that's what it's all about when it comes to venturing the wilds of Trader Joe's like our team has these past six years. Not that I'm uncomfortable with acai. I've been singing its praises since before this blog began. No, I'm not uncomfortable with acai as an ingredient. But when it comes in a bag pureed all by itself and I'm the one who has to figure out what to do with it—that's a challenge for me. I mean sure, there are suggestions on the packaging and there are tons of recipes and ideas online. But up to this point, the acai in my world has always been pre-measured, pre-mixed, and pre-sweetened. And I liked it that way. 

But could I like it like this? It was worth spending $4.49 to find out.

Sonia and I have been brewing up fruit smoothies in our little generic wannabe "bullet" blender as of late, and we knew acai would be a welcome addition to our concoctions, which generally feature bananas, strawberries, yogurt, almond milk or coconut milk, and agave sweetener. It seemed like acai would probably blend pretty seamlessly with those ingredients. But knowing the berry's properties of earthiness, natural caffeine, and high levels of fiber, there would be certain potential pitfalls associated with using too much or too little in our homemade mixtures, namely: creating a beverage that might not taste great, missing a decent amount of sleep, and/or extra visits to the bathroom. But despite these inherent risks, we dove right in to acai-land and got a-mixin'.

Once thawed, the product is a fascinating purple goo. I had never tasted acai by itself before. It's far less sweet and much more earthy/nutty than I ever imagined. Those mixologists at Robek's and Jamba Juice always told me acai had a "natural chocolate-type flavor." Well, it certainly does when sweetened. But by itself, the flavor might be likened to some unusual, berry-ified bitter cocoa bean paste. If anything, our smoothies needed more sweetener than usual once we added the acai, in order to cancel out its natural bitterness.

Once sweetened, however, it added a very welcome complexity to our beverages that one simply cannot achieve using more traditional fruits and berries. It wasn't quite like those store-bought mixtures or a "professionally-blended" smoothie, but it certainly wasn't bad. We never did quite achieve that chocolatey taste we've had before, but we created an interesting fruit-based beverage with a velvety texture and an inviting richness seldom attained outside an actual smoothie joint—where you'd pay upwards of $5 for a single acai drink. 

Both Sonia and I are finding this one a bit hard to score, since it's just a single ingredient that begs to be used with many other ingredients. But for what it is: a convenient, relatively-reasonably priced (acai ain't cheap) exotic berry puree that can enhance your homemade smoothies and shakes, we think it deserves to be rated "really darn good."

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Pumpkin Spice Almond Beverage

From the moment Sonia saw this product on Instagram, she was swooning. On her next TJ's run, she searched high and low, but could not find this enigmatic beverage in our favorite Marlton, New Jersey store. She asked an employee if they had it hidden in the stockroom or if they'd be getting a shipment of it soon. The Trader Joe's employee was friendly and polite, as they almost always are, but he replied something along the lines of, "No, people on the east coast don't like gross stuff like that." Actually, his reply wasn't anything like that. However, he did say it was only available on the west coast. We'd heard that before. Remember the Parsnip Chips?

In that case, we just waited like a week, and voila, they were suddenly available on the east coast as well. In talking with Russ, we discovered that just several days after we were told this product was only available on the west coast, it was suddenly available in Pittsburgh. Now unless there was some pretty significant seismic activity that somehow eluded the evening news and shifted The Steel City 2500 miles closer to the Pacific Ocean, there's absolutely no way you could say Pittsburgh is on the west coast. So Sonia still had hope.

Sure enough, a day or two later, this beverage popped up on shelves here in Jersey. Sonia snagged a carton, and soon we were both sipping pumpkin spice flavored almond milk. A happy ending, right? Well...

Sonia and I haven't disagreed this strongly on a product in quite a while. She enjoyed it thoroughly. I did not. You all know I'm down with pumpkin and pumpkin spice stuff for a limited time each year between mid-September and late December, right? And I've always liked plain or vanilla almond milk just fine. But this stuff didn't quite work for me somehow. It's not nearly as sweet and sugary as it needs to be to succeed as a desserty kind of drink. Yet it's not simple and nutty like the regular stuff.

At first, you can taste the pumpkin spices in spades. For a moment, it's almost enjoyable. But then, as the flavor rolls over your tongue, there's a bit of a weird chemical kind of vibe. And I'm not a huge fan of the slight aftertaste, either. The texture is fine—very similar to other almond beverages—but possibly a little bit thicker in this case. To me, the overall essence of this product is that of an unsweetened pumpkin spice coffee creamer, not designed to be a stand-alone beverage. But that's just me.

Sonia thinks it's silky, smooth, and just about right in every way. She likes the flavor just fine and is happy to chug the beverage straight out of the carton, although she does concede that it makes sense to use it as a coffee creamer even more than a drink all by itself. Four stars from her.

Two from me.

Bottom line: 6 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Organic Ginger Zinger

"Put your pears on the stairs!"

"Stomp and roar, out the door!"

"Put your sidewalk on the fidewalk!"

Yes...rhyming is all the rage these days with my four year old daughter. It's going on for weeks, nonstop. Most of our conversations sound like the classic Princess Bride talk between Inigo and Fezzik....sometimes with actual words, and as you can see, sometimes not. It's what we do, usually with a giggle...and a wiggle!

I'm fairly glad that I won't have to explain that the words "ginger" and "zinger" don't precisely rhyme, despite looking pretty similar. That "g" at the start of the second syllable is troublesome, isn't it? Close, but not enough. No rhyme, at any time.

But I ought to attempt to explain to all you fine folks how Trader Joe's Organic Ginger Zinger tastes, so here goes. Best way I can explain is, think of a bell curve, with one end designated for lemonade and the other for a mild ginger beer. Your tongue "rides" this curve as you taste this particular drinky concoction. At the foothills, there's the sugary sweetness of the lemonade, but when one would expect the tart bite to kick in, there's the intermingling of the ginger. This mix gets stronger, and just when the flavor you think would apex, it descends once more, this time more towards the ginger, with the very tail end leaving a meek, inoffensive ginger burn.

And that's pretty much it.

One end, a little lemonade, on the other, a little ginger beer, and in the middle between those two points there's a whole lot of not much. Well, sugar and water, yes, but really...nothing there. A little carbonation would have helped carry any flavor through, I think, because really, this kinda reminded me of flat soda. On the plus side, when I mixed a little rum in there, that middle ground picked up fairly well with a more solid base in there.

TJ's has proven how delectable ginger and lemon can be before. It's too bad the results can't be duplicated in beverage form here. Sigh. If this were still the hot depths of summer instead of slowly turning towards hoodie weather here in the Northeast, I might be a little more forgiving and use some words like "light" and "refreshing"...but not to be rude, I'm not in the mood. At $3.49 a quart, no need to rush it to your fort, but might be worth a shot...that's all I got.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Organic Ginger Zinger: 6 out of 10 Golden Spoons