Trader Joe's Broccoli & Cheddar Cheese Quiche

Eleven years ago, Sonia and I did our very first video review on Trader Joe's Mexicaine Quiche, a comparable product to this one with similar packaging and preparation instructions. The dish didn't exactly wow us, so for the most part, we've avoided Trader Joe's quiche offerings for the past decade.

Although, I must admit, I had completely forgotten about odd little items like this one, which were similarly underwhelming and unmemorable. But even so, at long last, it is time to give TJ's quiche another whirl. This time, it's the broccoli and cheddar variety.

There's plenty of egg and cheese here. The crust is nice and crumbly. It's slightly buttery and supple. Somehow, I feel this product flaunts a tastier spice blend than some of its predecessors. It certainly isn't spicy per se, but there's a nice overall flavor, which some of the other quiches lacked. There's onion in there, which helps, but as far as actual herbs and spices, all I'm seeing is garlic, salt, and pepper. In my humble opinion, it's enough—although, a few dabs of hot sauce can't hurt, either.

There are large chunks of broccoli here and there, which can be a little stringy. The bites that contained very small bits of broccoli were better texture-wise, and I think more finely-chopped veggies would have helped distribute the greens around the dish more evenly.

$2.99 for the single serving quiche. It's nothing to write home about, but I definitely don't hate it, either. It makes a more interesting breakfast than toaster pastries or cereal, I suppose. I don't know if I'd seek this product out again, but if I found it in the back of my freezer, I'd happily fire up the oven and eat it without complaint. Three and a half stars a piece from Sonia and me for Trader Joe's Broccoli & Cheddar Cheese Quiche.

Bottom line: 7 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Cheese, Spinach & Kale Egg Bites

I know, I know. Cholesterol is bad for you or something like that. But isn't some cholesterol good cholesterol? Wouldn't the cholesterol in egg yolks be the good kind? I like egg yolks. One of my all-time favorite social media tag lines for a post on this blog was for this egg white salad and it read:

Dear Yolk,
I miss you.
Yours,
Mr. White

It's like a little story in and of itself, in letter format. I realize it's totally arrogant and narcissistic to reference my own stuff like it's some kind of classic work of literature or something, but I bring it up because the same could be said about this product. Why do you hate yolks, Trader Joe?

That said, there's way more flavor in this product than that poor, sad egg white salad. And this product isn't bragging about being "spicy" or flaunting cowboy artwork on its packaging. This packaging says, "if you don't get your hopes up and just want some egg white and some veggies, you won't be let down." And I wasn't. Maybe because my expectations weren't particularly high.

The cottage cheese works really well here. It adds some tang and body to the dish. The two tiny eggy circles are still not very filling. Sonia and I shared them, one for each of us. But I see on the packaging that both bites together are considered a single serving. That tracks, because I could have eaten four or five of these things in one sitting, no problem.

There's a fair amount of spinach and kale throughout the product. One or two bites were just a tad stringy, but not overly so. The spice blend, including garlic powder, onion powder, and white pepper, was nice too.

$3.49 for a dish that's not very heavy at all. It tastes okay and it's probably not very fattening, so there's that. They're also very convenient, going from refrigerated to hot in 60 seconds. I guess we'd buy again? Three and a half stars from me. Four stars from Sonia for Trader Joe's Cheese, Spinach & Kale Egg Bites.

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Honeycrisp Apple Granola

You know what makes apple flavored stuff taste better? Apple, apple, and more apple. The greater the quantity of real apple, the better. I guess the folks at Trader Joe's know that, and that's why they put a bunch of dried apple pieces all throughout this cereal. The pieces are surprisingly large, they're very sweet, and they aren't particularly leathery like dried apple can be sometimes.

The granola is pretty standard. It's just clusters of rolled oats, rice flour, and sweeteners like brown rice syrup and cane sugar. We recently looked at another brand's apple granola and really liked it as well.

That product had little corn flake type pieces in it which I enjoyed quite a bit, however, the dried apple pieces were much smaller than Trader Joe's offering. Sonia didn't care for the flake pieces, so she's much more fond of this Trader Joe's Honeycrisp Apple Granola.

It would make a great yogurt topper or trail mix ingredient. In addition to having it with milk, we both snack on it plain every once in a while, too. It's sweet and hearty enough it makes a great mid-day snack or breakfast. It looks like this one might already be done for the season. Curse you, Trader Joe. Oh well. We'd buy it again next year.

$3.99 for the 12 oz resealable bag, which we went through pretty quickly. 

Four and a half stars from Sonia. Four stars from me for Trader Joe's Honeycrisp Apple Granola.

Bottom line: 8.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's 12 Mini Pumpkin Ginger Scones

My dad used to make pumpkin muffins with barley flour back when I was a kid. I got sick of them pretty fast, but I didn't have the heart to tell him, and my mom would request them quite often.

"I made pumpkin muffins again, Nathan!" I'd hear him declare from the kitchen.

"Oh grrreat...I'll, um, I'll come grab one as soon as I'm done with my homework," I'd reply.

In a way, these pumpkin ginger scones remind me of my dad's pumpkin muffins, probably because they both contain barley flour and pumpkin puree, although these are much better, flavor-wise. The texture is a tad different, of course, but the insides of these scones were a little muffin-esque, at least to me.

They came out much flakier and scone-like on the outside. I kind of liked the subtle difference in textures. I was also surprised at how much larger the scones got after baking. I mean, I knew they were going to expand a bit, but I'd say they at least doubled in size while heating, if not tripled. It doesn't look like a whole lot of food while frozen, but it's way too much bread for two people for one sitting, even if Sonia and I are carbivorous pumpkin gluttons.

I could see these becoming dry or even coming out undercooked if you don't nail the baking time and temperature exactly. The instructions offer an option to brush the pastries with milk or cream, so I used half and half. Can't tell if it helped much or not, but I guess it couldn't really have hurt. The scones really wanted to stick to the parchment paper after heating, but other than that, they were really nice and flaky, buttery, and flavorful.

They're surprisingly not that sweet. Uncharacteristically, Sonia was the one pining for a glaze or icing of some kind. I can see where she's coming from, but I was fine with them plain. The pumpkin spice blend was pleasant and well-balanced, with a particular emphasis on ginger—but it wasn't an exaggerated raw ginger explosion, either.

$4.99 for a dozen scones. I think we're looking at double fours here. Would possibly buy again next year.

Bottom line: 8 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Apple Cinnamon Buns

Ah, the very first NEW fall product of the season. You can just taste the anticipation in the air with a knife. Er, wait. That's not right. I'm sure there's some idiom that sums up what's going on here, but can't think of it right now because I'm too hungry.

Apple. Cinnamon. Buns. Any one of those three elements is enough to make my mouth water. All three together? Shoot. How could Trader Joe's possibly go wrong?

Well, first off, there are no heating instructions on the box, which I thought was weird. I mean, sure, there are plenty of baked goods you can just snatch right out of the packaging and go to town on. These seemed possible candidates for such a situation, and the lack of preparatory directions reinforced that assumption.

However, the buns were decidedly unimpressive at room temperature. Sonia described them as "hard," whereas I simply saw them as "stale." We consumed them a full three days before the best by date, in case you were wondering.

So we mused whether we'd nuke them for a spell or air fry them. We opted for the former at least partially out of impatience, but also because 12 or 15 seconds in a microwave posed less of a risk of drying out the product than any number of minutes in an air fryer.

After heating, the product was markedly improved on several fronts: the texture was wetter, softer, fresher, and even the cinnamon flavor seemed to pop a little more than it did prior to the pastry's ride in the radiation robot. I slathered my share with butter which gave it a bit more of a comfort food vibe than the product provided just on its own.

Still, there's not nearly enough apple in the buns to make them magical or memorable. There's a shallow, paltry pool of minced apples in a sugary sauce right on top in the middle of the buns, but that's about it. For these to get our enthusiastic seal of approval, that apple filling would need to at least quadruple or quintuple in quantity.

As is, we're looking at about three and a half stars from Sonia and three from me which, honestly, I think is being a little generous. Heated, with some added butter, these buns make a passable dessert treat, but they're a far cry from legends like the Rustic Apple Tarte in terms of appliciousness and overall purchase-worthiness.

$4.49 for two buns. Probably wouldn't buy Trader Joe's Apple Cinnamon Buns Crumb Topped Danish Pastries with Apple Filling & Cinnamon again.

Bottom line: 6.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Gluten Free Strawberry Muffins

Maybe I'm just getting used to it, but I feel like each time I have a gluten free muffin from Trader Joe's, the texture gets closer to normal wheat-based muffins. I honestly have to say that texture-wise, these muffins beat last week's non-gluten-free coffee cake hands down.

The flavor's nothing to complain about either. There's a good bit of strawberry taste all throughout these bready breakfast bites. There are bits of real strawberry, too. The only thing I can think of that would improve these muffins would be more and larger chunks of strawberry.

Sonia absolutely raved about them. I thought she was going to try to sneak three out of the four muffins for herself she was so enthusiastic. But no, she was nice and left me my fair share. 

Truth be told, I didn't even eat both my muffins before the best by date. Honestly though, they still tasted remarkably fresh. We'd buy these again.

$5.99 for four big, filling gluten free muffins. Folks with wheat allergies, celiac, or Crohn's disease, rejoice. Put these on your grocery list for sure. Put me down for a solid four out of five stars. The beautiful wifey will go with four and a half on Trader Joe's Gluten Free Strawberry Muffins. 

Bottom line: 8.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Cinnamon Coffee Cake

Truth be told, I'm not a huge fan of coffee. I'll drink it if it's the only caffeination option available, but I'm really more of an energy drink guy. Coffee cake, on the other hand? I like coffee cake quite a bit and resent the fact that it doesn't pair very well with Red Bull.

I've ranted before that I wish I had the innovative vision to invent the world's first energy drink dunkable. But maybe I should be thinking more about energy drink cake..? What would that be like? It wouldn't be very sweet, right?

As I compose this review, Sonia is musing about the fact that this coffee cake is made with sour cream. Maybe energy drink cake would be even heavier on the sour cream and the sweetness of the beverage could offset the sourness? Maybe it would be a little salty, too. I'd call it Wake-Up Bread. Any food scientists out there wanna take up the endeavor with me? We'll split the earnings 50/50 and take the world by storm.

I'm mostly kidding of course. The idea is a bit ridiculous. Most people will want to stick with familiar stuff, not unlike Trader Joe's Cinnamon Coffee Cake. It's pretty standard coffee cake by my estimation. It's a notch above anything you might get out of a vending machine, but it's not the best coffee cake I've ever had, either. It's not even really the best coffee cake we've seen from Trader Joe's. Still, it's cinnamony, sweet, and has a slightly crunchy top and soft bread down below.

Both Sonia and I found our cake a bit dry. Like not dry dry. But not moist either. We did consume the cake before the "best by" date, just in case you're wondering.

The overall flavor here was good, but nothing to write home about. It's possible we just got an off batch or for whatever reason they changed the freshness sticker at our TJ's location. Sonia and I are both thinking three and a half stars a piece for Trader Joe's Cinnamon Coffee Cake. $5.99 for the 8 serving loaf in the baked goods section.

Bottom line: 7 out of 10.

Daelmans Caramel Stroopwafels Minis

 

Trader Joe's Buttermilk Protein Pancake Mix

Pretty much without fail, if Trader Joe's puts the word "protein" in the title of a product, it's a safe bet I won't like it at all. I mean I have nothing against proteins. I love fish, eggs, dairy, nuts, and beans as much as the next guy. But when a product has "whey protein concentrate" or "pea protein powder" or anything like that as a top ingredient, it's virtually a guarantee that the protein powder taste will overpower the entire product.

So why try Trader Joe's Buttermilk Protein Pancake Mix at all? Well, firstly because the beautiful wifey wanted to check it out. But also because it's pancakes. They can't possibly screw up pancakes with some protein gimmick, can they?

In short, yes. Yes they can. These are pancakes that taste very much like they were made with whey protein concentrate. No amount of butter and/or syrup can completely save them and make them taste like normal, delicious pancakes. They taste like health food, pure and simple. They taste like protein powder.

Some people, no doubt, can look past it. I, for one, cannot. Sonia generally enjoys products with or without protein powder, and even she can't get past the protein powderiness of these pancakes.

They're soft and fluffy enough, I guess. There's not a ton of chalkiness like some protein products. So the texture's not a complete failure.

We'll eventually finish the box, but we wouldn't buy it again. $3.99 for the 11 serving package. Two stars from me for Trader Joe's Buttermilk Protein Pancake Mix. Two stars from the beautiful wifey.

Bottom line: 4 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Organic Chocolate Chip Chewy Granola Bars

In between exotic imported spices, purple yam-flavored cookies, and other miscellaneous oddities, it's nice to know there's still plenty of "normal" stuff at TJ's, as well. Sometimes a chocolate chip granola bar is in order, and you don't want anything weird in it.

I mean Trader Joe's Chocolate Chip Chewy Granola Bars are organic, which is good, but that's where the Trader Joe-isms stop with this classic snack/breakfast-on-the-go.

With whole grain oats, brown rice flour, and unsweetened dried coconut in the chewy, solid base, there's plenty of complex carbs and healthy stuff to keep you feeling full throughout the day. The rest of the ingredients are organic sweeteners like honey, agave, cane sugar, and tapioca syrup.

The bars could probably use a few more chocolate chips. There were definitely a couple bites in each one without any chocolate. The whole grains and sweeteners are tasty enough by themselves that the lack of chips is certainly not a dealbreaker here.

Texture-wise, they're nice and soft. "Chewy" is as accurate a word as any. This box sat in our pantry for at least a month and the bars still felt and tasted as fresh as any pre-packaged granola bar I've ever had. I must point out it is quite warm here now. These types of granola bars tend to get much harder when consumed in colder temperatures.

$2.49 for 8 bars. Each one is individually wrapped, and honestly, they're on the small side. They're just big enough to curb the munchies and keep the blood sugar levels up, but they're on the verge of being so tiny that I'd be tempted to reach for a second.

Three and a half stars a piece from Sonia and me on Trader Joe's Organic Chocolate Chip Chewy Granola Bars.

Bottom line: 7 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Organic Silver Dollar Pancakes

For some reason, during high school and college in particular, I was very much in that "breakfast all day" mode. A big plate full of carbs seemed appropriate for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I'd supplement with fruits, veggies, and meats here and there, but by and large, I was in the mood for pancakes, waffles, cookies, toast, granola, and Pop-Tarts constantly.

It might have something to do with my metabolism changing, but lately I've generally been feeling the opposite. Like, I'm rarely in the mood for breakfast foods, even at breakfast time—so I just eat lunch and dinner type fare for my morning meal.

This morning, however, I wanted breakfast for breakfast, and I remembered we had some Trader Joe's Organic Silver Dollar Pancakes in the freezer. I'm not sure what I can attribute the unusual-for-me craving to, but it might have something to do with the changing seasons and the weather going from utterly frigid even up until April to downright summery and hot right now at the end of May. We barely had spring.

Anyway, the pancakes went from frozen to ready-to-eat in 65 seconds. That's pretty freaking convenient. I mean, they're not as good as ones you'd make from scratch and cook in a pan, obviously, but considering the significant difference in effort between the two methods, these tiny silver dollar sized dealies aren't bad to have on hand for mornings when you're pressed for time.

Of course, there's a heating option that involves the oven or a toaster oven. I'll see if Sonia wants to go that route when she wakes up. Otherwise, you can tell us in the comments if you've made these that way and how they turned out.

They're pretty plain until you slap some butter and syrup on them. But most pancakes are like that, unless of course you've got fruit in them or chocolate chips or something like that. I'd buy again for the convenience factor alone.

$3.29 for about 30 mini pancakes. Kosher. Organic. Not a bad value, either. Trader Joe's Organic Silver Dollar Pancakes are nothing to write home about in the flavor department, but they're a nifty product to have in the freezer in case you need to ready up a breakfast spread in a matter of minutes. Three and a half stars a piece from Sonia and me.

Bottom line: 7 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Butter Croissants

Give us this day our daily bread.

Notice it doesn't say "give us this day our daily fish" or anything like that. And you know the Bible's all about fish, fishing, and fisherman analogies. But not here. It says "give us our daily bread."

But you know what? I think if I had absolutely nothing but bread to eat on an average day, I'd be perfectly okay with it—particularly if the bread was as tasty as Trader Joe's Butter Croissants. I'm sure that's not the type of bread he had in mind when Jesus taught us how to pray, but hey, we can always ask for something special even if we don't get it all the time.

I'd ask for bagels one day, brioche toast the next, then buttermilk biscuits, ciabatta bread, pita, naan, and finally croissants: a different gourmet baked good for every day of the week.

And while Trader Joe's Butter Croissants might not beat out something freshly made from a Parisian bakery, they'd be pretty high up on my list for what to order on croissant day. We had ours with butter and strawberry jelly, as seen in the pic above. Delicious.

We also made croissant sandwiches with egg, cheese, and Trader Joe's Bomba Sauce. Ahhh-mazing. The croissants are indeed buttery to the core. They're flaky, soft, and surprisingly fresh (if consumed before the "best by" date.) 

You probably won't have much trouble eating three of them in short order, although Sonia wishes they did have a resealable package just in case you can't eat all of them right away. Our family is just the two of us, but a larger household shouldn't have any problems in that department.

$3.49 for three large croissants. We would buy these again. Four stars a piece from Sonia and me for Trader Joe's Butter Croissants.

Bottom line: 8 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Glazed Sweet Lemon Scones

I was just daydreaming about lemon-flavored foods and remembered that silly urban legend that some lady named her twin boys Lemonjello and Orangejello after what she was eating in the maternity ward of her hospital, shortly after giving birth. Then I was thinking, "Would I ever name my kid after food? After something lemon-flavored? After Trader Joe's Glazed Sweet Lemon Scones?"

Probably not. But if I did, I'd make it a little discreet. Like I'd name my kid Joseph Lemon Scone Rodgers. There's "Joseph" in there for Trader Joe. And then "Lemon Scone" would be his middle name(s). People would call him Joe L.S. and wonder what the "L.S." stood for.

But even cooler than naming your kid after lemon-flavored food would be to have a band called The Lemon Scones. "We are The Lemon Scones, and we're here to make you think about food and get hungry and stuff! One, two, three, four..." And all their tunes would be about breakfast. I think you could forge an entire career around songs about the most important meal of the day. Maybe they'd have a B-side or two about dessert...but I'm hearing mostly just breakfast ballads. Their first album would be called Breaking the Fast.

Trader Joe's Glazed Sweet Lemon Scones are indeed glazed, sweet, and lemon-flavored. Like nearly all lemon-flavored products from Trader Joe's or anywhere else, my biggest complaint is that it could still use more lemon flavor. These are pleasantly lemony, but the tartness of the lemon is easily overshadowed by the sugary sweetness of the glaze.

Still, they're a carborrific blast of sweet-tart lemon. I like them. I generally like anything that's lemontastic. I love them for breakfast, while a Brit might say they go best with a spot of afternoon tea. I can't go lower than four and a half stars. $4.49 for six kosher scones.

Sonia likes them, too, but maybe not as much as I do. She'll give Trader Joe's Glazed Sweet Lemon Scones three and a half out of five stars.

Bottom line: 8 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Gluten Free Triple Ginger Muffins

Like raw garlic, ginger is one of those miracle substances that's truly a gift to mankind. It has antibacterial properties. It can lower blood pressure. It can even aid digestion and help fight the common cold. Unlike garlic, it actually lends a great flavor to candies, sweet beverages, and other treats.

I can't vouch for any health benefits or healing properties from this particular product, but I can tell you it tastes significantly like real, raw, unadulterated ginger. In my opinion, they got the ginger flavor juuust right. It's always a delicate balance. The recently-reviewed Gingerbread Sandwich Cookies didn't have enough real ginger flavor if you ask me, and products like the Ginger, Almond & Cashew Granola had too much raw ginger flavor. This product nailed the ginger level with ginger puree, candied ginger, crystallized ginger, and ground ginger. Wait. That's four kinds of ginger. That makes this product Trader Joe's Gluten Free Quadruple Ginger Muffins. I guess "triple ginger" rolls off the tongue a little better.

The ginger is balanced out by the alternative flours like rice, potato, and tapioca along with a sweetness blend including molasses and brown sugar. Sonia, in particular, loved the molasses and brown sugar. The ginger flavor is powerful, but not overwhelming.

Texture-wise, these are practically identical to October's Gluten Free Pumpkin Streusel Muffins. They're not simply moist or oily, they're nearly wet with a sticky liquid glaze. There's an unusual fresh-baked quality about them, and they don't suffer for a lack of wheat or gluten. Unlike the pumpkin version, these didn't seem to have that grainy or gritty texture at all.

$4.99 for four muffins. Sonia likes pumpkin just a bit more than she likes ginger, so she'll go a half star lower on this one. I'll go half a star higher since these didn't make me cough. So four stars from me, three and a half from the beautiful wifey on Trader Joe's Gluten Free Triple Ginger Muffins.

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Glazed Maple Donuts

Well, shoot. That's a tough act to follow: a teary-eyed farewell post with 12 years worth of memories and reviews and goodbyes and whatnot. I might lose half my audience if I don't bring my A-game here these next few posts. What could possibly do this blog justice after that?

I honestly don't know. But these maple glazed donuts are gonna give it the old college try, that's for sure. And I gotta say: I'm a fan.

In terms of cakiness and density, these are not unlike the Apple Cider Donuts from a few years back. These maple dealies look a little more cruller-ish in terms of their twisty, braided appearance. They're soft, sweet, and made fresh daily—something I didn't realize before this purchase. I guess they get delivered? I don't think there's a bakery in that back room at the Trader Joe's store...but I could be wrong.

The glaze is mapley, but honestly, it might not be quiiiite mapley enough for this guy. I was thinking they'd be absolutely dripping with real, rich maple syrup from Canada or Vermont or somewhere like that. I mean, they are maplicious. Don't get me wrong. There's maple in that glaze for sure. But it's almost like they mixed the regular sugar glaze from a plain glazed donut with a maple glaze, yielding a donut that is exactly half as mapley as I'd like it to be.

Fun fact: maple syrup appears in the ingredients list under the "contains less than 2% of the following" section. Version 2.0 should contain at least 4% maple syrup. I guess I could always add my own syrup...

The friendly Trader Joe's clerk gave me the following pro-tip, and I'll pass it along to you: microwave each donut for 15 seconds before consuming. These are fine at room temperature, but they're waaay better warmed up.

Sonia digs 'em a lot, too, although she agrees the maple flavor could be a little stronger. She says they'd go well with coffee. Indeed they would, my love. Indeed they would. $4.49 for six pastries. Four stars from Sonia, four from me on Trader Joe's Glazed Maple Donuts.

Bottom line: 8 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Gluten Free Pumpkin Streusel Muffins

Top of the muffin to you! In general, the observation from the famous episode of Seinfeld is accurate: that the top of the muffin is by far the best part. But in this case, I'd say the "stump" is just as good as the top—all part of one pastry. No reason to discriminate. Sonia might disagree.

We're looking at these particular muffins primarily for the benefit of the gluten-intolerant. Sonia and I, while both gluten-sensitive, generally just bite the bullet and deal with some mild discomfort after eating regular bread. Once in a while, we just avoid bread altogether, and once in a while, we seek out gluten-free alternatives. We've both known folks with Crohn's and celiac conditions and are well aware that for some people, "biting the bullet" just isn't an option. So for you all, here are our thoughts:

These were exceptionally soft and moist muffins. The liners were visibly wet when we pulled them off of the pastries. If not for the fact they were room temperature when we ate them, I might have assumed they were fresh-baked in a blind taste test. Sonia observed that the top portion of the muffin was sweeter than the rest. She thinks a bit of icing might have made it even tastier.

As far as the pumpkin spice goes, we both agree it was well-balanced. Everything was tangible and tastable but no single spice nor pumpkin element overshadowed the delicate sweet brown sugar flavor profile of these baked goods.

Our primary complaint was an odd coarseness in the bread that seemed to build up the more we ate. I used the word "grainy." Sonia used the word "gritty." We both felt it and both didn't like it, but in both cases, we agreed—not a deal-breaker. Still a good product, particularly in light of its gluten-free status.

$4.99 for four muffins. Four stars from Sonia. Three and a half from me.

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Pumpkin Spice Espresso Beans

If you wanted to play a really mean trick on your whole neighborhood at Halloween, you could buy a bunch of bags of these at Trader Joe's (only 99¢ each) and pass them out to all the kids for Trick or Treat. They're candy-esque enough that a lot of the children would gobble them down before they even realized what they were eating. They'd be bouncing off the walls well into the wee hours of All Saints' Day. It would be hilarious.

But seriously though, don't do that. And if you do happen to do that, definitely don't mention that you got the idea here. I'll take down this post and deny everything.

Honestly, though, I'm projecting. Sonia puts these out in our little pumpkin-shaped candy dish and most nights, I'm the undiscerning victim. I'll get the munchies after dinner and I'll gobble down a handful. Fast forward to 11pm or midnight and I'm lying in bed, staring at the ceiling all bug-eyed and wiggling around like the poster child in a restless leg syndrome PSA, with Sonia swatting at me trying to stop me from moving. So that's Trader Joe's Pumpkin Spice Espresso Beans' biggest strength as well as their biggest weakness: they're addicting and they're caffeinated.

Flavor-wise, there's a nice balance of rich, earthy espresso beans and sweet white chocolate dusted with ginger, cinnamon, nutmeg, and allspice. It works at least as well as regular chocolate if you ask Sonia or me. We bought multiple bags and we're glad we did.

If you're burning the midnight oil for work or need a sweet, caffeinated mid-day pick-me-up, or even looking for an alternative to coffee or energy drinks in the morning, these are a thumbs up from both of us. It says there's two servings per package, but just three or four beans is usually enough to take me to my happy place. Will buy again. Four and a half stars from Sonia. Four from yours truly.

Bottom line: 8.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Cookies & Creme Joe-Joe's Granola

Oh man, let's just try to work through this here. 

At first glance, it really looks like the real name of this product is....ready for it....Trader Joe's Joe-Joe's Granola Cookies & Creme Inspired Granola Clusters. That's a real mouth full. it's a good thing that a "granola cookie" really isn't a thing - I mean, it sounds an edgier, crunchier oatmeal cookie - but as a guy who's eaten, reviewed and researched many a cookie, I've never heard of them. I'm now patiently waiting for you all to prove me wrong that such a thing does exist, and if so, I'll give you my mailing address and eagerly wait an up-close inspection. 

So, really, it's "just" Trader Joe's Joe-Joe's Granola, but with all those potentially possessive 'postrophes, there's a question of ownership and chain of command. I mean, it's my granola! Hands off now Joe-Joe...and Trader Joe's...it's mine and you won't want it when I'm done with it. 

Enough banter, let's get to it. Joe-Joe's, of course, are TJ's answer to the all time classic Oreo sandwich cookie. They're pretty nondescript, except to say it's a bit of a tasty knockoff, but it's fun to incorporate them into things like ice cream, and now, apparently, granola. 

This stuff is seriously crisp and crunchy, much more than regular granola. Perhaps the addition/utilization of coconut is the reason. This crunchy crispy clusters will give your molars a work out right out of the bag, and honestly, not even milk will soften it, at least in the few minutes it'd take to scarf down a bowl. Super crunchy and munchy. I dig. 

And if cookies and creme is your bag, this'll deliver. There's plenty of not-precisely-Oreo Oreo flavor that delivers - just the right amount of chocolate amped up by the little choco-bits strewn about, and a good hint of the vanilla creme filling too. What's missing is the full, rich, creaminess from the filling of the cookie - naturally, a little milk helps bring it out, a little, and it totally makes sense why it's not all quite there. It's a pretty good adaptation for what it is. 

Pour some in a bowl and drown in milk, or grab a handful and toss in some yogurt, or just straight mash it down the gullet. it's all good. The granola is pretty filling for what it is, and I'd say it delivers. No real complaints from my lovely bride and I - it's solid, tasty, not quite transcendent, but pretty tasty overall. We're pretty happy here. 

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Joe-Joe's Granola: 8 out of 10 Golden Spoons 
 

Trader Joe's Pumpkin Brioche Twist

If you're a carnivore, you eat nothing but meat. And what is meat but the muscles of animals? Also, not surprisingly, since "you are what you eat," a strict carnivore's physique generally becomes more and more muscular.

I'm not sure when I first heard it or who coined the word, but one of the funniest food puns I've ever heard is the word "carbivore" to describe those of us who are naturally inclined to breads and other carbohydrates. And unfortunately, carbivores tend to become what they eat as well, and they get a little doughy in the middle.

I must admit, although I'm in a constant battle against my cravings, I'm naturally fairly carbivorous myself. I've never met a piece of brioche toast I didn't like. And this one is no exception—with swirls of pumpkin puree, brown sugar, and pumpkin spice all through it. Yum. This loaf is pre-sliced perfectly for a traditional toaster. Just grab a piece, pull off the wax paper liner, warm it up, add a bit of butter. Perfection.

Again, maybe my critical standards go out the window when carbs are involved. Maybe I'm not thinking clearly, but I just can't think of any complaints. 

Some might say this is just glorified cinnamon bread and they wouldn't be entirely wrong, but the fall-ish flavors are well-balanced—neither too dominant nor too subtle. The texture is soft and supple and the bread just melts in your mouth. I could eat the whole loaf in a single day.

Sonia absolutely loved this product, too. Her only complaint was that the slices might be just a tad too thick, just barely clearing the slots in our toaster, width-wise. Also, she forgot to peel off the liner paper once or twice, so...there's that. She made French toast out of a couple of the pieces and added maple syrup. I'll agree that they were superbly scrumptious, but I'd rather save this brioche bread to eat by itself and have her make French toast out of regular bread.

But I'm getting off track. This is an outstanding fall product by my estimation. I hope it returns next year. $4.49 for about 9 slices. Five stars from me. Four and a half from the beautiful wifey.

Bottom line: 9.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Naturally Flavored Strawberry Waffles

 

It's August, so in just a few week's time it's gonna be back to school time...may as well start stocking up on what we're gonna need. Notebooks, pencils, crayon, whatever else we usually raid from Staples or wherever, and man, we gotta find our one kid's iPad we hid so well we can't find it ourselves. 

And while we're at it, may as well back up the truck on some Trader Joe's Naturally Flavored Strawberry Waffles. 

Freezer waffles are a constant in our house, but especially during the school year. Quick, easy, portable, tasty enough breakfast on the go - what's not to like? Heck, I'd go as far as to say they're practically a necessity, given the precaffeinated chaos that usually arises as we keep one ear open for the distant rumble of an approaching school bus.

It's nice to have variety, though, which is exactly what we got here from TJ's. Not just a plain waffle...or blueberry...or an unexpectedly wise mango...but strawberry. It's a change up, and a welcome one at that. There's everything to like here if you're a fruity freezer waffle aficonado like we are. 

For one, as we had hoped for and expected,  the waffles themselves are relatively hefty and bready. We like our Eggos here, but you know how lightweight they are? It's not quite the same here. I mean, it doesn't beat an actual waffle waffle, but for a freezer waffle, there's some serious substance to them. 

The batter is, of course, pretty neutrally flavored with a tinge of sweetness, which complements the strawberries pretty well. And there's a lot of berry buried in there too, more than meets the eye. There's little puree pockets and berry bits all strewn about and mixed in, and seem almost jam-like at times. Which leads me to my next point: while I'm sure maple syrup would work okay here, if you like sugar overload, the real play just might be some peanut or almond or sunflower seed butter here. Make it taste like a sammich, and more easily portable too. Win win. 

Our kiddos devoured the whole box in less than 10 minutes. I'm lucky I snagged one! And only $1.99 for the box! Or was it $2.99? I'm sorry, summer brain drain going on here, maybe I need to go back to school myself. Absolutely worth a pick up, and I'd buy a pallet full if it were practical. Sorry for the somewhat beat up box pics, but that's what you get when your four year old wants to be helpful and cram them into an already full freezer compartment...if we had more freezer space, I'd buy at least a case. That'd get ravaged here in no time. Fours all around. 

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Naturally Flavored Strawberry Waffles: 8 out of 10 Golden Spoons