There's something very Girl Scout-esque about these cookies. At least part of it is the box and packaging—a long rectangular cuboid with a cellophane sleeve and plastic carton thing. And although I've never tried them, I know the Girl Scouts offered a toffee shortbread cookie not long ago called "Toffee-tastic." By some miracles of science and Girl Scout magic, those were rice-based and gluten free. Here's one entertaining look at them in case you're eager to learn more like I was.
This Trader Joe's selection is wheat-based, glutenful, chocolatey, and vaguely coffee-ish. If I use my imagination, I can detect some toffee candy sweetness, too. But mostly, I'd say it's a dark chocolate and shortbread kind of vibe here.
They're crispy and crumbly, and the chocolate coating and drizzle acts as a waxy covering to these otherwise grainy morsels. The texture isn't entirely unpleasant, but the chocolate coating insulates these cookies a little too well from the sometimes-welcome wetness that stems from a brief dip in your hot beverage of choice. In other words, these don't make great dunkables in my opinion, because they're simply too "weather-proof," for lack of a better term.
The flavor isn't bad, but it's not particularly memorable, either—especially after a month or so of gorging myself on boatloads of coffee and mocha flavored products for the sake of this daring TJ's blog. I should probably break up this java jones nonsense with bread that isn't coffee-flavored once in a while.
But at any rate, I'm not alone. Sonia was underwhelmed as well. She doesn't even think the shortbread is very tasty. We're not hatin'. We're just not going to buy these cookies again, because there's nothing that we really want to hang on to here. If they had slurped up our hot coffee the way those Joe-Joe's did, these cookies might have been well-worth their $2.99 price tag—which really isn't unreasonable if these are your thing. We're just gonna bet that for most people...this isn't gonna be your thing...at least not in any meaningful way.
Yes, yes...there is a certain irony to starting a review about bread, presumably leavened, with Passover greetings. I mean no disrespect. Originally, I had in mind to review chocolate coconut macaroons until at the last minute I realized I had already reviewed them two years ago. Those are Kosher for Passover, and having been more exposed to Jewish tradition and cuisine over the past two years through my daughters' preschool, I have a little more respect for them...not like they could beat homemade from Bubbi or Zaida but they're better than I gave them credit for previously.
That and Nathan snagged the other review item I had in mind this week already, so by default, here's Trader Joe's California Style Sprouted Wheat Bread.
At least I can make a tenuous tie to JudeoChristian sensibilities with this loaf of bread by saying it's similar to Food for Life's Ezekiel 4:9 bread. At least, that's like, the common healthy bread standard, right? Except for the fact it tastes like a cross between bird suet and 40 grit sandpaper, but man oh man, is it healthy.
TJ's take is better. Much better, in my opinion. It's softer, for one, with a still grainy texture not unlike most multigrain breads. Which is pretty awesome, for everything that got stuck in there: wheat, barley, millet, oats, soybeans, lentils, corn. I mean, that sounds like a mouthful, and it is, but it's really a pleasant texture, especially when toasted with a little butter melted on it. If you're used to just plain old white bread, it might be a rough adjustment, but if that's your thing, you'd never pick this up anyways. There's a slight fibery chewiness, with a little crispiness mixed in from presumably the millet bits. It's like it actually has to be chewed a bit, which is fantastic to me. I'm a white bread convert from my youth.
As for taste, I have no real complaints either. It's wheaty and grainy with a lot of nutty and earthy in there too. Between that and the aforementioned mouthfeel, there's nothing for me to really bristle at.
Couple extra benefits: It's filling. Quite filling. A piece or two of the sprouted wheat bread toasted and buttered, with a couple eggs with kale, and man, I'm stuffed til lunch. And, well, my digestive system seems happier too. I'll leave it at that.
Sandy has no real complaints either, and in fact I'm pretty sure this will become a regular staple in our house, especially at it's fairly reasonable price point of maybe $4. That Ezekiel bread? More pricey. We're both huge fans, with no real suggestions for improvement, and hope this is one deal you won't pass over.
Bottom line: Trader Joe's California Style Sprouted White Bread: 8.5 out of 10 Golden Spoons.
Leading up to these mocha-fied treats, six out of our last seven posts contained the word "coffee." I'm not sure if the Trader Joe's packaging people just got tired of typing the word "coffee" (I think all of us at WG@TJ's have), but they certainly could have slipped it into the title of this product if they had wanted to since there are actual ground coffee beans within each candy—in fact, most, if not all, of these coffee-laden commodities we've been looking at recently have contained actual ground coffee beans.
Another fun fact: eleven of our last thirteen posts have been coffee or mocha-themed. So we're getting to be old pros at analyzing, assessing, and taste-testing coffee-infused snacks and desserts. I can bust out a three or four paragraph review after just a single bite of a Trader Joe's coffee product, because A) the caffeine makes my brain speedier, and B) I'm good at pulling useless fun facts out of my backside to use as filler. (See: this post up to this point).
But without further ado, I promise to start talking about these crunch cremes. Ready? Here we go. To the melody of the Tiny Toon Adventures theme:
They're crunchy, they're creamy, they're just a little dreamy.
They're not like sashimi, but they're totally gourmet.
As for this review, you'll have to settle for my substandard prose.
The crunch cremes are appropriately both crunchy and creamy, with an emphasis on the cream side of the equation. The crunch is understated, for sure. It comes from the coffee beans which are most definitely already ground. There are no actual beans or even partial beans—just tiny granules of the aforementioned ground up substance. Flavor-wise, they're a pleasant mix of chocolate and coffee, with hints of caramel, vanilla, and coconut. The whole thing melts in the mouth easily, leaving just a few bits of ground coffee on the tongue. The texture is complex and hard to describe, flaunting everything from silkiness to grittiness, yet still somehow providing a cohesive snacking experience.
Sonia wishes there were more coffee in them. She thinks they taste too much like plain chocolate. I'm fine with the amount of coffee here, but maybe that's because I don't like coffee as much as she does. Three and a half stars from her. Four from me.
Somehow, some day, this whole TJ's coffee deal will blow over.
I'm weary of it. So are you, I bet. it's okay, we're in this together...I mean, nobody wants to end up like poor old Nathan anyways. If you haven't seen, you must. I haven't seen him so wired since the one time he shotgunned six Red Bulls before busting out the out the most energetic, rousing rendition of "It's The End of the World As We Know It." Ah, college days.
But as (hopefully) close to the end of the coffee era as we are, we can't let it pass without trying Trader Joe's Kona Coffee Cookie Mocha Swirl Ice Cream. C'mon, that sounds awesome, gotta try it. the only question is, will this join one of all time TJ's ice cream greats, or be a massive disappointment?
As is the usual, the truth is somewhere in between, but decidedly much towards the optimal end of the spectrum. Twist off the lid and there it is - tannish brown coffee ice cream base, with dark swirls of mocha fudge. The cookie portion isn't all that visually apparent, but is more than abundant in nearly every spoonful in a soft, crumbly way that's somehow deeply embedded into the cream. The kona mocha ice cream hits almost every important taste touchpoint - rich, creamy, with good strong coffee depth more than tempered by sugary goodness, and that mocha fudge - oh my - great touch.
But...I'm on the fence. Somewhat. As much as I enjoy the ice cream, I can't help but think of maybe two little tweaks, and if it'd make it better or not. First: maybe, just maybe, either a vanilla or sweet cream base would be better instead of coffee ice cream. As is, it's tough to tell if the kona tastiness is derived mainly from the ice cream or the cookies mixed in. I kinda want the cookies to stand out a bit more. That brings me to the second point: the cookie texture. As a shortbread cookie, it's not much surprise about their softness and crumbliness, but something firmer, with a little more snap, perhaps. Just a little more rigid, you know?
Eh well. Really darn good ice cream as is, shouldn't quibble too much. Sandy was happy enough with it to forego her customary Halo Top for a night or two. She added that she'd really like to see this sold by the the pint and not just quart - as a non-kid friendly bucket, this will last us a while. That's enough to knock it down to a four for her? Me? That four sounds just about right. Hopefully this is giving the whole coffee craze its just desserts. Bottom line: Trader Joe's Kona Coffee Mocha Swirl Ice Cream: 8 out of 10 Golden Spoons
Like their nutty cashew cousins, these almonds are covered in coffee...and sugar. They're more candied than coffee'd, but that's just fine by me. There's enough ground roasted espresso coffee matter present to taste distinctly like coffee, yet they're palatable to someone who's not really into the flavor of black coffee. The taste is more like a nutty cuppa with four or five sugar packets dumped in.
And of course, they still taste like almonds. If you hate almonds, you're not gonna like these. If you love almonds, it's not a given, but there's a darn good chance these will make it on your grocery list more than once. Even someone with a sweet tooth like me can appreciate that the sweetness is balanced out by the rich, earthy coffee essence. Sometimes traditional candied nuts can be...well, a bit too candied. The flavor of these nuts is significantly more balanced.
And since you don't get "sweeted-out" immediately, the addiction-factor rises. The natural goodness of almonds combined with the caffeination of espresso can make these crunchy morsels a potent afternoon pick-me-up snack, so long as you have the willpower to stop after a handful or two. Eating and drinking too much coffee can result in...um...numerous physiological and psychological ailments, as we've all witnessed recently.
Sonia raved about these almonds. She used to snack on almonds all the time, and her beverage of choice was always...coffee! So these are right up her alley. She enjoys the convenience of having the two flavors combined and appreciates the subtle balance of sweetness and savoriness. At $3.69 for the bag, they're significantly cheaper than the cashews and a decent price for a bag of plain almonds of comparable size.
Four and a half stars from her. Three and a half from me.
Normally, we take the weekends off here at What's Good at Trader Joe's....but not today. We can't. Not when we have breaking news like this....no, it's not Dog Food for People or oddly sourced cookie butter treats that somehow never came to Trader Joe's shelves. This time it's real.
You know all those coffee products at TJ's recently? Kinda fun, right? I mean, as long as you can stomach the idea of a coffee-flavored sausage, I guess (strangely, it works). Apparently, this is just the first wave. The beginning. The dawn of new at Trader Joe's. It's going to be the Espresso Era. The Mocha Epoch-a. The Americano Age. The Period of Percolation aka the Dawn of the Drip.
Namely, everything (and we do mean everything) at Trader Joe's is going to be coffee-fied. And there's nothing we can do about it.
How did we find out? With the aid of an internal informant, we have knowledge of a memo from Big Joe. In it, it's detailed that, much like how Big Joe corners the market on cheap California wine to sell as two-buck Chuck, he decided to branch out to a new venue: Arabica beans.
And they're going to be in everything. Literally. Everything. Soon, you will not be able to go Trader Joe's and not buy a product not laced with roasted, caffeinated, high energy Arabica beans. Not just in your coffee. Not just as a gimmicky flavor trend for a few months. In literally everything...forever.
This will bring coffee to a place it's never been before. Just imagine your favorite Trader Joe's products....but all coffeefied. Man, coffeefied is a fun word....COFFEEFIED. Woo! Sorry, had to get that out. But we're talking...Coffee Cookie Butter. Crunchy Coffee Cookie Butter. Coffee cheddar cheese...oh wait, that exists already. Coffee chips. More coffee chocolate bars...
But no, even more! Coffee where coffee has never been! We're talking...Orange Arabica Chicken! Coffee Crusted Brussel Sprouts! Coffee tortillas! Asian Stir Fry - where the beans are coffee beans! Kona crusted salmon jerky! Coffuu toffee...I mean coffee tofu, I think..you know what I mean! Mocha mac and cheese! Coffee garlic barbecue rub - oh wait, that exists already. Coffee coffee coffee everything....even coffee two buck Chuck! That'll be probably popular amongst today's kids.
Coming soon for summer....it'll be mango coffee twists on everything. In the fall, pumpkin spice latte everything! C'mon now, who wouldn't that as a marinated pork product? In the winter, holiday spice! Sprinkled in here and there and everywhere will be all different coffees and roasts and sources...but all coffee, all the time.
We're getting all jittery here in anticpation, Narthan and I....in preparation for this I've ingested nothing without coffee for about the past 48 hours so pleas excuse any typocs cuz right now i can barely keep my fingaers stedy ima doing what i can Please do not judge. this is what i get for for dmpign coffee ont op of my spaghetti and going all at it Elf style at dinner tonight. it's okay my kids loved it too. Dont judge they do not sleep evar anyways. We will all cope.
But yes...coffee everything, coming to a TJ's near you soon. You cannot escape nor will you be able to survive the withdrawal.
To get you even more primed here's a video from Nathan and Sonia, giving you a glimpse into all our futures:
No, not more coffee, as inviting as that sounds. If you haven't been paying attention to the blog recently, it's been all on up on coffee products. I'd mention them, but there's too many....just take a look over on the right sidebar under posts from this month going back.
I mean, an actual break from anything coffee related. It's a good thing, and we're all gonna need it. More on that...later.
"Carmelized on the outside" is one way of putting it. Hard and dense with a suggestion of crispy carmelization is another. It was definitely tougher and chewier than anticipated. And the insides weren't much better. Sandy and I have a disagreement over what the word "custardy" should imply. She thinks it ought to mean creamy, like custard cream/creme. I stick more to the true meaning of custard, meaning a dish with eggs, milk, flavoring and sugar, baked until set, so cakelike except spongey. But we both agreed that the innards didn't match our hopes. Cool, dense, but fairly pleasantly (if unevenly) vanilla-esque. Think more my interpretation of custardy for sure.
I've always preferred the smell of coffee to its taste. The smell is rich and earthy—the taste often is, too, but there's usually a bitterness that accompanies it that I find unpleasant in most cases. With this product, when you open the bag, you might as well be opening a big bag of dark roast coffee beans. The smell alone can wake a drowsy person from their dreamy slumber. It's a deeply pleasant experience, worth the $2.99 for just the first whiff of the bag alone. But not only that, the taste is just like coffee, too—but there's little to no bitterness here. It's sweet, but not overly so, nutty, crunchy, and full of real ground coffee.
And like real coffee, it goes great with milk. It stays nice and crunchy. The texture of whole grain oat clusters pairs so beautifully with the flavor of sweet, creamy coffee, it's a wonder this isn't a staple in every household. Like most of their products, I'm sure Trader Joe's didn't invent this stuff—apparently coffee cereal has been a thing for a while, although I can't imagine flakes working quite as well as granola—but TJ's is the first store that's brought this phenomenon to my attention. They get most of the credit in my book, because they're the ones making this mainstream. And after this fun little coffee extravaganza is over, if only one product becomes a mainstay at Trader Joe's, I hope it's this one. Caffeinated cereal is something we need in our lives.
Sonia raved about this caramel coffee granola. She pointed out that the flavors are exceptionally well-balanced: the nuttiness and graininess of the granola, the earthiness of the coffee, and the sweetness of the caramel. She thought it tasted just like actual caramel. While there was definitely a nice sweet element to the cereal, I personally didn't detect anything as specific as caramel per se, but you still won't hear me complaining, because the sweetness level was just about perfect.
As far as weaknesses go, I could complain about the clusters of granola being inconsistent. Some were enormous and inedible in their initial rock-like state, but with a few jabs of a spoon, they typically would crumble into something more manageable. Not a big deal. And not that it's a weakness, but tons of black flecks fall off the granola chunks and float around in the milk. It almost looks like pepper. But it makes the residual milk taste like a diluted frappucino.
This is a must-purchase for fans of coffee and granola. It might even come in handy if you're trying to wean yourself off of eight cups of coffee a day. Having a little caffeine in your snack could help "take the edge off." Or that might just be an excuse to feed your nasty habit even more.
But it's a darn good excuse.
Four stars from me. Perfect five from the coffee-loving Sonia
There are two constants in my life, as contradictory as they should be: Caffeine and being tired. Just earlier today, at 9 a.m., I felt ready for a nap. And this was after my second cup of coffee. Probably has something to do with the pace of life I live: work on average six days a week, for about 50ish hours, and chase around my two young daughters all weekend long while trying to do things like "laundry" and "housework" to give my wife a breather. She does most of the at-home heavy lifting all week long, with a pace that keeps up with if not exceeds mine at work. The private life of one of the nation's foremost amateur-hack foodie bloggers is not nearly as glamorous as one may think.
Coffee is my companion, coffee is my friend. I've tried doing less coffee, the whole "get your body into a natural rhythm"-type deal....nah, need coffee. Maybe one day. But not today, and the tomorrows for the next five to ten years (at least) look not so promising.
Trader Joe's Coffee Glazed Cashews give yet another way to ingest coffee. Coffee + snackable nuts = caffeination and snackination in one. Time efficiency. I like that the idea.
I also really liked the cashews the first few times I had them. There's a very strong coffee aromatic that hits right when the seal is cracked. The word "glazed" is a bit of a misnomer - the ground coffee is practically caked and/or crusted on. "Coffee caked cashews" would probably give the wrong impression, though, so I understand the word choice. The crunch and feel is not too much unlike other candied nuts. Decent quality cashews.
But after a few tries, I've liked them a bit less each time. As a black coffee aficionado, the added sugar makes it too sweetly-tinged for me. I don't mind nut flavored coffees black, so I don't think it was that. And as one may imagine, like eating coffee beans, the flavor is a bit strong, to the point that only a few will easily do. I'll still munch on them, but the strong sugary coffee taste, without much of an accompanying buzz, gets to be a bit much. As a plus, that means the bag will last us quite a while.
Sandy appreciates the fact that she can open the bag and get a strong whiff of coffee at any time. I'm not sure if that means she's huffing them when I'm not around, but even if she were, I wouldn't judge. Our kids are crazy. She hasn't munched on more than a small handful or two, which is typical for her and anything she considers a treat - she still has candy from two Christmases ago. But she's going with a four for them, while I'm coming in a little lower. "Meh" worthy at best in my opinion.
Bottom line: Trader Joe's Coffee Glazed Cashews: 6.5 out of 10 Golden Spoons
