Hello. My name's Nathan, and I love Trader Joe's. My wife Sonia does too. She's a great shopper, has excellent taste and knows good value when she comes across it. As many of you know, Trader Joe's is unsurpassed in the world of good-value grocery stores, so we spend a lot of our time and money there. Although the store fairly consistently delivers great taste with its own unique line of food products, there are definitely some big-hits, and unfortunately, there are some misses...

After doing a couple of internet searches for reviews of TJ's food items, Sonia discerned an apparent dearth of good, quality reviews for the store's offerings. So, at her suggestion, we decided to embark on a journey of systematically reviewing every Trader Joe's product, resulting in the blog you are about to read...

A couple of months into our Trader Joe's rating adventure, an old college friend, Russ, who unbeknownst to me had been following our TJ's blog, decided that I had been slacking in my blogging duties (which, of course, I was) so he decided to contribute his own original TJ's reviews to the blog, thus enhancing it, making it more complete and adding to it a flavor of his own. He and his wife Sandy are also avid TJ's fans and, as you will soon discover, he is an excellent writer and is nearly as clever, witty and humble as I am.

Seriously though, Russ: You go, boy!

So here it is: "What's Good at Trader Joe's?"

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Thursday, December 17, 2015

Trader Giotto's Nduja Spicy Salami Spread


 'Twas two weeks before Christmas
And all through the pantry
I went a-rustlin' for a snack
Before I'd get hangry

Heard the mom-in-law yell
"Hey! No more eatin' my cookies!"
So over to the fridge
I went for a look-see

Trader Joe's Spicy Salami Spread!
Or, to be fancy, "nduja"
My soul get all psyched up
My tastebuds thought, "Yum! Boo ya!"

Fancy exotic meat time!
From the country shaped like a boot!
Been wanting to try this for a while
Now's finally the time! Whoot!

Though..umm...spreadable meat?
That sounds like a gamble
"No matter!" thought I
" Here's the best I can scramble!"

Back over to the pantry
Quietly for some crackers
Nduja and knock-off Ritzes
Sounded like nice snackers


I scooped up my first bite
And plopped into my mouth
And took only a bite or two
Before it all went south

It all felt kinda funny
Like semi-molten pepperoni wax
Was slathered on my cracker
Hey, just reporting the facts

As for the taste? Hrmm
Salami-esque with paprika for sure
 But there's certain things
 No spice can ever cure

How I do say it?
It tasted like it had some funk
Not fermented, per se
But still kinda like a skunk

Perhaps a little green olive-y
Would be a nicer way to explain
But that's not quite it
No, it's with a little more disdain

Plenty of a spicy kick, though
Paprika and pepper so black
Mixed in tomato sauce
Made an interesting snack


I've revisited the nduja
Several times at this writing
I've liked it a little more each time
So let not my words be spiting

Although I must warn you
Though spared too many troubles
After each sampling
My gut felt full of bubbles 

Sandy bravely tried it
She really tried her best
But her heaves said it all
"All yours is the rest"

Pick it up if you dare
You may like it just fine
Might work on your cracker plate
And hey, just $3.49

Though don't be surprised
If your tongue feels confused
Mine certainly did
I just hope you're amused

Bottom line: Trader Giotto's Spicy Salami Spread: 3 out of 10 Golden Spoons   

17 comments:

  1. love the poem! very fun. I had wondered about this product, but being pregnant skipped it thinking I'd try it later. Not so sure now! lol

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    1. Thanks for the kind words, and congrats on the little one! Yeah...I mean, I don't want to ever tell someone no, but you've liked similar kinda stuff before, you *may* want to hold off. Either than or you'll love it, lol.

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  2. Yeah, that looks pretty nasty! Thanks for trying it for the rest of us.

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    1. Lol, well, I wouldn't say "nasty" - definitely a stray from the comfort zone, though. That's a part of the reason why we're here :)

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  3. It's really good, first time I strongly disagree with a review. It's awesome in a grilled cheese, and way better on toast than crackers (a nice crusty Italian loaf, or a boule work best). I'd give it an 8 at worst and probably 8.5.

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  4. Try it on reheated pizza instead of Pepperoni.

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  5. Haha. Nice poem :) Surprisingly, my husband and loved the Salami Spread though I confess I think it is a weird and somewhat sketchy product.

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  6. Wow, this was not my experience with this at all - to the point that I'm wondering if you got a bad or expired one or something. My wife and I loved it. Just tasted like delicious salami but in spread form.

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    1. That's how we felt too. I found it to be dangerously tasty. I won't buy it again any time soon because it's too easy and delicious.

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  7. They opened a container for me at my local TJ's. Definitely an intense, unexpected taste. Now, four weeks later, it is still in my fridge because my holiday company decided to go meat-free. I am thinking about making a stromboli with it and provolone cheese for a happy hour tomorrow night. Or dry some artichoke bottoms, fill them with the salami, top with mozzarella and then broil. Put some on top of a log of goat cheese? Or maybe just throw it on the table and see if anyone eats it. Should be interesting.

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  8. They opened a container for me at my local TJ's. Definitely an intense, unexpected taste. Now, four weeks later, it is still in my fridge because my holiday company decided to go meat-free. I am thinking about making a stromboli with it and provolone cheese for a happy hour tomorrow night. Or dry some artichoke bottoms, fill them with the salami, top with mozzarella and then broil. Put some on top of a log of goat cheese? Or maybe just throw it on the table and see if anyone eats it. Should be interesting.

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  9. I agree with your description of 'semi-molten pepperoni wax' ... I was so looking forward to trying this, also - but was soundly disappointed. I struggled to finish this stuff in a few sittings. So far it is the worst product I have tried from (otherwise amazing) TJ's.

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  10. Where is this available? I've never seen it in Pittsburgh.

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  11. Nduja is amazing! This is av great price. I totally disagree with this poem. I'd rate this a 9 out of 10. I've had other brands before and this is pretty good for the price.

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  12. It disappeared from TJ's last Feb and they assured me it would be back for Christmas. Yesterday however they informed me it was discontinued.

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