Trader Joe's Sweet Onion Style Pretzel Twists

Apparently, Trader Joe's Sweet Onion Pretzel Twists are a knockoff of a product from a brand called Stellar. Never had the Stellar twists, but I'm anxious to try them now. We snack on Dot's Pretzels from time to time and really enjoy their honey mustard offering in particular.

If there's any one flavor that sounds even more potentially delicious than honey mustard, it's sweet onion. And boy does this product hit the mark. It's sweet, it's oniony, and wouldn't you know it? The bread part of the pretzel is pretty tasty, too—almost buttery to my tongue.

There's just enough crunch to make the twists snacky and satisfying, and the wheaty goodness comes through in the flavor profile, as well. Also, they're not too hard. They crumble in a very pleasant way and there's almost a soft pretzel feel as you chew the product.

What surprised me most here is how balanced everything is. Sweet onion could easily go off the rails—too sugary, too artificial, too “chip dust in a bag.” But this walks a nice line. The sweetness never overpowers, and the onion flavor doesn’t veer into that sharp, lingering bite that sticks with you for hours. It’s mellow, rounded, and honestly kind of addictive in that “just one more handful” way that turns into five.

They also feel fairly versatile for a pretzel snack. You could crush these up and throw them on a salad for some sweet-savory crunch, or pair them with a dip if you’re feeling adventurous. We tried them straight out of the bag and had zero complaints, but I could absolutely see these holding their own on a snack board next to cheeses, cured meats, or even something spicy to contrast the sweetness.

$3.69 for the 12 oz bag. Kosher. We wish it didn't have canola oil, but even still, Sonia and I would both buy this product again. Nine out of ten stars from the beautiful wifey. Eight out of ten stars from me.

Bottom line: 8.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Black Sesame Mochi

Despite my feeble attempts to avoid reading or hearing others' opinions of certain products before trying them, I'd heard quite a few people stating how amazing Trader Joe's Black Sesame Mochi was before trying it myself. In some cases, that will push me in the direction of a biased positive opinion, not wanting to be the guy who says it's not that great.

In other cases, I'll get my hopes up. I'll expect something delicious to the point that if the product isn't over-the-top amazing, that I'll be disappointed to some degree if it's just okay. It's an "expectations vs reality" type problem.

I think the latter case is what happened here. This product...kinda tastes like dirt to me. It's like cookies and cream without the sweetness and only a fraction of the creaminess. If I were writing an ultra positive review, I suppose I'd be describing the flavor as earthy and nutty—which it is, to be fair. I might point to the product's restraint and subtle flavor as a plus.

Both Sonia and I love sesame. We like sesame seeds on breads and crackers, we like it as a topping for rice bowls and salads, and we enjoy other sesame derivatives like sesame oil and tahini. We're both even fans of crunchy sesame candy. If you're not sure what we're talking about, just do an internet search. There are dozens of brands that sell it now and plenty of recipes if you want to DIY. That candy tastes quite a bit like sesame...and so does this mochi. But I think that candy has a honey sweetness that balances the sesame's nuttiness better than the sugar in this handheld ice cream treat.

That's just me giving my honest opinion. I'm surprised the beautiful wifey agreed with me here. I think it's a flavor that could grow on both of us. It's unique. It's interesting. It's just more unusual to my palate than I was expecting it to be. Probably wouldn't buy Trader Joe's Black Sesame Mochi again, but I'd like to try other brands of black sesame ice cream just to compare. Blood Orange Mochi will still reign supreme in our household for the time being.

Found in the frozen aisle. Kosher. Gluten free. $4.99 for six mochi.

Bottom line: 6 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Patagonian Scallops

Scallops are one of my favorite foods of all time. As a youngster, the family would often head to the local Bonanza Steakhouse at the mall for weekend outings and special occasions. Their fried scallops were a favorite of mine. Since then, I've sampled scallops from fancy restaurants in various cities around the country. The absolute best I can remember came from The Warehouse in Marina del Rey. That scallop was about as big as a baseball and came served in a gourmet butter sauce.

The scallops I'd grown up with at Bonanza, on the other hand, were about the size of golf balls. And these "petite and sweet" little morsels from Trader Joe's are roughly the size of marbles after cooking. They're very tiny on the tongue, but they pack a big flavor.

Imported from the Patagonia region of Argentina, these teeny scallops are quite possibly the second best scallops I've ever sampled. They've got that same rich, buttery flavor that other scallops tend to have, but these are sweeter and more delicate. They're ten bucks for the four serving bag. Bonus: each serving is only 80 calories and flaunts 13 grams of protein.

Sonia did a great job of pan-searing these little guys, with a bit of help from Gordon Ramsay. They were thoroughly thawed, patted dry between two layers of paper towels, and then tossed into butter and oil for 90 seconds on each side. We made sure we had a temp of 145°F+ and they came out lightly crispy on the outside and tender yet slightly firm on the inside.

That first batch had nothing but a bit of butter and it was amazing. The next batch was fried in a butter mixture with garlic and lemon. We also used the garlic and lemon sauce on our radiatore pasta. This was one of the best, most luxurious meals we've ever had from Trader Joe's in our nearly 16 years of reviewing their products.

I'm sure it's quite easy to mess up the timing on the cooking, especially with such small scallops, but the value and flavor are absolutely there in Trader Joe's Patagonian Scallops. We'd both buy these again in a heartbeat. As much as we loved the recently-reviewed Black Cod Sablefish with Miso Marinade, we think this product is even better. The beautiful wifey will give these nine out of ten stars. I'll go with a very rare nine and a half.

Bottom line: 9.25 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Dark Chocolate Covered Crunchy Corn Kernels

I mean, we pretty much assumed these would be like chocolate covered Corn Nuts and that's pretty much what they are. If that sounds good to you, you might like 'em. I thought they'd be kinda weird...and they are.

Not the worst thing I've sampled from TJ's, but not the best either. Trader Joe's Dark Chocolate Covered Crunchy Corn Kernels are actually imported from Colombia. The resealable bag will run you about four bucks. There's an interesting balance of bitter, sweet, and salty in terms of the flavor.

Texture-wise, the kernels aren't as hard as I thought they might be. They're brittle and crunchy, and they break apart easily enough without shattering violently. Sonia and I both have sensitive teeth and neither of us were bothered by the mouthfeel at all. The chocolate is smooth and there's a fairly generous coating of it on the outside of each morsel.

For us, it's just something that was interesting to try. Don't think we'd buy this product again but it's not like we're returning the bag for a refund either. Sonia and I both agree we'd try a milk chocolate version if they ever offered one. Seven out of ten stars from the beautiful wifey for Trader Joe's Dark Chocolate Covered Crunchy Corn Kernels. I'm down for six and a half.

Bottom line: 6.75 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Rice Pudding

Trader Joe’s Rice Pudding is one of those quietly divisive refrigerated desserts that immediately exposes a cultural split you didn’t know was sitting at the family dinner table. Growing up, nobody I knew was exactly racing toward rice pudding with excitement. It was always kind of the sad cafeteria cousin of real dessert—soft, beige, and emotionally ambiguous. Meanwhile, all the Hispanic kids were over there living their best lives with arroz con leche made by somebody's abuelita, and it tasted like pure joy with a dusting of cinnamon.

This version from Trader Joe’s lands firmly in the “white people rice pudding” category, and I say that with love and a spoon in my hand. It’s very vanilla-forward, very sweet, and noticeably missing that warm cinnamon hug that usually turns rice pudding into something transcendent. The rice itself is plentiful, leaning starchy and chewy in a way that makes you feel like you’re eating something substantial rather than just dessert-ish air. It’s not trying to be fancy, and honestly that’s part of its charm. It’s refrigerated, ready-to-eat, and $2.99 for four cups. So...it's uber-practical, if nothing else.

What’s surprising is that the overall flavor is genuinely solid. It’s sweet without being cloying, creamy without being heavy, and weirdly comforting in a lowkey kind of way. Sonia and her mom, who are both very much team tradicional arroz con leche with cinnamon, raisins, and generational confidence, both absolutely love it, which says a lot. I like it too, but I have to admit it becomes significantly better with a generous sprinkle of cinnamon.

In short, Trader Joe’s Rice Pudding isn't trying to reinvent dessert. It’s just quietly existing, doing its job, and showing up consistently for $2.99. I’d absolutely buy it again. It’s an eight out of ten affair for this guy. The beautiful wifey will give it a very enthusiastic eight and a half.

Bottom line: 8.25 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Wild Alaskan Black Cod Sablefish with Miso Marinade

I like regular cod quite a bit, so why not black cod? Don't think I've ever had that before. Sablefish? I guess that's just another name for the same species. Man, that's one ugly fish.

Fortunately, it tastes way better than it looks. For ten bucks, you get two servings of Alaskan sablefish, complete with a miso marinade. We opted for the "sear and bake" heating method, and our fish turned out great.

The sauce is tangy, salty, and sweet. It blended wonderfully with the flavor of the fish, which is buttery and rich. Never had such flavorful fish without a hint of "fishiness." It's such a clean, neutral flavor—among the highest quality whitefish I've ever had.

Texture-wise, the outer portions of Trader Joe's Black Cod Sablefish were slightly firmer and darker than the inner portions, due to the searing process. The bulk of the fish was soft and delicate. "Buttery" could describe the texture as well as the flavor, honestly. The skin just fell right off the meat, and there were thankfully no bones at all. The dish paired perfectly with rice, although you could also toss it on a salad or serve it with noodles, I suppose.

Our only complaint? For $9.99, there's not nearly enough food to make it a good value. I mean, you get what you pay for, and this is some very delicious fish, but both Sonia and I were pining for more. There's imported stuff at TJ's for a fraction of the cost of this product, and last I checked, Alaska was still part of the good ol' U.S. of A. I guess there's some high demand for these fugly fishies.

Would we buy it again? You betcha. Found in the frozen section, we'll totally buy it again and complain that there's not enough of it again. Maybe we'll try heating it in the air fryer next time. Eight and a half stars from both the beautiful wifey and me for Trader Joe's Wild Alaskan Black Cod Sablefish with Miso Marinade.

Bottom line: 8.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Blonde Bar

Trader Joe’s knows exactly what they're doing by parking the Blonde Bar right in the checkout lane where your willpower is already halfway out the door. Priced at $2.69, this Italian import practically whispers “You deserve a little treat,” and into the cart it goes.

Marketed as “caramel flavored white chocolate,” the Blonde Bar immediately raises expectations for creamy decadence. Instead, it delivers a bit of an identity crisis. It looks like white chocolate’s tan cousin, but flavor-wise it’s basically caramel doing a convincing chocolate impression. If you’re a white chocolate fan hoping for that buttery vanilla sweetness, you may find yourself squinting and asking, “Wait, where did the white chocolate go?”

Texture-wise, the bar snaps like standard chocolate, smooth and firm, then melts into a sweet caramel-forward flavor that’s pleasant but not exactly mindblowing. There’s no actual caramel inside, yet it somehow tastes like someone condensed caramel into chocolate form. It’s clever, but also a little confusing.

The cookie crumbles promise extra excitement, but they show up more like background extras than featured performers. They’re small, sparse, and deliver only a faint crunch. They're just enough to tease you into wanting more. If those crumbs were bigger and more plentiful, this bar might have gone from “nice” to “now we’re talking.”

Overall, Trader Joe's Blonde Bar is undeniably sweet and perfectly snackable, especially when you’re already in checkout mode and feeling impulsive. There’s nothing here to complain about: no weird aftertaste, no major texture issues, no regrets. But it also doesn’t quite stick in your memory once the wrapper’s gone. 

It was easy enough for us to finish the bar, but we won't exactly be dreaming about a repurchase. I’m throwing out a respectable seven out of ten, while Sonia will go slightly higher with a seven and a half. Not a must-buy in our opinions, but if it hops into your cart, you won’t be mad about it.

Bottom line: 7.25 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Sliced Porridge Bread

At $4.49 for the loaf, this Canadian import is one of those bakery finds that feels both rustic and slightly mysterious. Sonia and I can both say honestly that we've never had a bread quite like it, and that’s saying something for two people who’ve toasted their way through plenty of carb territory. Trader Joe's Porridge Bread is a distinctive little twist on traditional wheat bread.

Its uncommon texture is what really sets this bread apart. The outside of each slice toasts up like you’d expect: golden, lightly crisp, and structurally sound. But the inside stays soft, tender, and almost porridge-like, with a texture that genuinely reminds you of oatmeal. It’s cozy. It’s comforting. It’s like hot cereal decided to disguise itself as bread.

Flavor-wise, this loaf leans lightly sweet, but not in a sugary, dessert-ish kind of way. It’s more of a subtle, grain-forward sweetness that comes from the blend of wheat, oats, and rye along with subtle hints of honey and brown sugar. The trio of grains gives the bread a wholesome, hearty profile with just enough complexity to make the bread satisfying in and of itself without overwhelming whatever you pair it with.

This bread absolutely shines with simplicity. A warm slice with just butter was one of our favorite ways to enjoy it. The butter melts into that soft interior and turns it into pure comfort food. Sonia especially loved using it for egg sandwiches, where the gentle sweetness and dense yet pillowy texture complemented the savory eggs perfectly.

This isn’t your standard sandwich loaf, and that’s exactly why it’s worth grabbing. If you like experimenting with textures or want a breakfast bread that feels a little different, this is a great choice.

Unique, cozy, and lightly sweet, Trader Joe’s Sliced Porridge Bread is a welcome change of pace. We'd definitely buy it again. Product of Canada. The beautiful wifey will go with eight and a half out of ten stars here. I'm down for eight out of ten.

Bottom line: 8.25 out of 10.