Trader Joe's Beef Bulgogi

It's been a minute, but we've seen bulgogi beef on this blog before. And even that wasn't my first bulgogi rodeo. Although this is a step in the right direction, my beef with this beef is similar to my beef with the last beef.

But let's start off with some positives first. For one, the flavor of this meat is utterly superb. The sauce is amazing. It's sweet, savory, and succulent—made with soy sauce and onion, and there's even a few fruit juices and purees in the mixture: apple, pear, and pineapple. The meat itself is rich and delicious. No complaints in the taste department whatsoever.

Thirteen bucks might seem steep for this type of frozen product, but there's a full pound of beef here. You could easily feed a family of five or six with this single product, provided you had rice or veggies to supplement the meal. So the price and quantity of this item seems reasonable to me, too.

The only thing preventing me from giving this product a perfect score is the chewiness and gristle present in some of the bites. I'm super picky about the texture of meat for some reason. Always have been. The bulgogi I had from Korean restaurants was melt-in-your-mouth perfect in every way. This just isn't. Overall, it's extremely tender like bulgogi is supposed to be, but just about every other bite—particularly in the larger slices of meat—there'd be gristle I not only felt in my mouth...but could hear when I chewed it. Ugh. Such a shame. I really wanted to love this stuff.

As it is, I'll throw out three and a half stars for the overall flavor and non-gristly bites. Sonia was similarly impressed with the flavor and displeased with the texture, so three and a half stars from her as well on Trader Joe's Beef Bulgogi.

Bottom line: 7 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Dried Tart Montmorency Cherries

I think this is the first time I've ever heard of a "montmorency" cherry. Apparently they're a fairly common variety of sweet-tart cherry widely available throughout the US and other countries. Who knew?

This dried fruit is very flavorful. Trader Joe's Montmorency Cherries are not unlike Craisins® or dried cranberries in terms of size, color, and texture. Flavor-wise, they're similar, too, but I think these are slightly sweeter and more robust.

The bag says you can use them in muffins, salads, and trail mixes, or as a component in a meat glaze. We mostly just ate them straight out of the bag. Balsamic glaze, Brussels sprouts, walnuts, red onions and these cherries together was an oddly good combo.

We also got in the habit of dropping a few of them into different beverages. We found they gave whatever we were drinking a little sweet-tart essence and the cherries, likewise, would absorb a bit of the flavor of the drink. Think: orange juice with a twist of sour cherry and then citrus flavored dried cherries at the bottom of the glass. Tasty.

They were really handy to snack on here and there for a between meal pick-me-up, and they come in a resealable bag. One drawback: they're slightly oily and you need a wet nap after eating a bunch of them.

$4.99 for the 8 oz bag, which lasted us a good long time. Kosher. Would buy again. Four stars from me, four and a half stars from Sonia for Trader Joe's Dried Pitted Tart Montmorency Cherries.

Bottom line: 8.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Shrimp Pouches of Many Colors

As a kid, I was much more into "grazing" than eating big sit-down meals. My family ate together on Christmas Day, Easter...and that's about it. The rest of the time I would forage around the pantry or the freezer eating random things I found a la carte. Sonia largely grew up in the same manner, although family meals were somewhat more common in her case. Oddly, we're both only children, as well. You'd think three people would be easier to gather around a table than five or six or more, yet it seemed those bigger families were more tightly knit and ate meals together almost every day. Oh well.

Our grazing habits have followed us into adulthood. Since it's just the two of us, Sonia and I have gotten into the habit of eating Trader Joe's appetizers as a mid-day snack from time to time. Somewhere in between Elevensies and Luncheon, these little pouches of shrimpy goodness started calling my name from the back of the freezer, so I fired up a pan and got to steaming.

They're easy enough to heat, going from frozen to hot in just over 10 minutes. The pouches are very similar to the outside of a typical Asian dumpling—soft and slippery, supple and squishy. Inside, there's a clump of shredded shrimp meat mixed with radish, ginger, and spring onion. Along with some spices and oils, there's a very nice savory flavor to these super small sacks of seafood.

$4.29 for 12 little shrimp appetizers. Product of Vietnam. The beautiful wifey and I both wanted more shrimp in each pouch. We also wanted more pouches in the pack. Plus, you have to provide your own soy or sesame sauce. You don't get a ton of bang for your buck with this product. 

On the other hand, the quality is there...and I freaking LOVE shrimp.

Four stars a piece for Trader Joe's Shrimp Pouches of Many Colors.

Bottom line: 8 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Artichoke Bread Pudding

Hot take: Trader Joe's Artichoke Bread Pudding has both the taste and texture that I wanted Trader Joe's Artichoke Timbales to have, but it's still not something I'd reach for regularly simply because I don't crave any kind of vegetable bread pudding very often.

It's a heavy comfort food full of bread and cheese, and it also flaunts the earthy, nutty, bittersweet taste of artichokes. It's kind of a weird concept to me, but it works. It's not desserty at all. It's got more of an appetizer vibe.

There's a surprising amount of cheese in each bite. When you take a forkful of the bread pudding, strings of yummy cheddar cheese appear between the bread crumbs and artichoke chunks. The breading has a faint sourdough flavor, but it's overshadowed by the cheese, spices, and veggies. It's also buttery and rich with notes of onion, garlic, and black pepper in the background.

This is another one that took a significantly longer time in the oven than the instructions indicated. After 20 minutes at 350° the bread pudding was still frozen in the middle. All told, I think it stayed on the center rack for 35 minutes before it was completely heated through.

$4.99 for the 3.5 serving loaf. Decent product, but again, I'm not really a vegetable bread pudding kinda guy. If I had guests that were mad about artichoke, I might repurchase just to share it with them. Otherwise, this is probably a thing that was neat to try just once. Three and a half stars from me. Four stars from the beautiful wifey for Trader Joe's Artichoke Bread Pudding.

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Maple Chicken Breakfast Sausage

Truth be told, I'm not really a sausage guy. I'll do an all beef sausage on occasion—or like in this case, chicken—but I'm very picky about both the taste and texture. If I can detect any kind of casing or skin on the sausage, I'll nope out pretty quickly.

Fortunately, there's nothing like that here. The ingredients are remarkably short and simple. They're called "breakfast sausages" but Sonia and I found them to be quite versatile. You can see in our picture we used them as a pizza topping.

There's just enough maple flavor that you don't have to guess at all what it is that's making them sweet, but the taste of maple isn't so overwhelming that you can't use the sausage as an ingredient in pizza, pasta, omelettes, or vegetable hash. There's not a lot in the way of traditional sausage seasonings, and that's one of the reasons I like these, although lovers of classic sausage might feel differently.

I mean, they're fine by themselves or as part of a typical breakfast platter. We just didn't consume them that way for the most part. We were surprised how much sausage was actually in the package. They lasted us a good long time. We always sliced them up into little discs before heating rather than having them hot dog style, which I think helped cook the meat more evenly.

$4.69 for a dozen mapley chicken sausages. Hormone and antibiotic free. All natural. Fully cooked. Three and a half stars from Sonia, four stars from me for Trader Joe's Maple Chicken Breakfast Sausage.

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Portuguese Bacalhau Tartelettes

These aren't the first Portuguese tarts we've tried from TJ's. We had some desserty, breakfasty custard tarts a few years back. I thought these might be similar. And in some ways they are, of course, but these are actually fishy, dinner-ish tarts, rather than dessert ones.

If you didn't know that "bacalhau" was the Portuguese word for "salted cod," well you're not alone. I guess Trader Joe expects us to be multilingual now. I've nearly worn out my Duolingo app with a 1,365 day streak going on, which I'm very proud of. But I'm learning español and brushing up on Deutsch, but alas, not Português.

It does say "cod" on the box, too, to be fair. But some of us have attention deficit issues here, TJ's. Sometimes your product names are lame and boring, and other times I wish you'd just stick with English. "Cod tarts" would have worked here. But I digress.

Air fryer instructions? Check. Eight tiny frozen fish apps, each with its own little pie tin? Check. Twenty minutes later, it's time for our mid-day meal.

Butter, eggs, potato, and salted fish never tasted so good. Sonia and I demolished the whole pack in a matter of minutes. The tartelettes smelled and tasted similar to New England clam chowder to me, but with a buttery, flaky croissant thrown into the mix instead of crackers or croutons. I never had cod that approximated the taste or texture of clams before, but that's what I got for ya. Fortunately, I love almost all seafood including clams.

The mixture is approximately 50% crispy, flaky, bready shell and 50% soupy, chowdery, fish filling. I was tempted to try to eat mine with my bare hands, but I wound up using a fork. They can be a tad messy.

$4.99 for the pack. Product of Portugal. Another exotic, restaurant-quality appetizer from Trader Joe's. Would buy again. These made a great stand-alone meal for us, but I bet they'd be even better as an appetizer. Four stars from the beautiful wifey. Four and a half stars from me for Trader Joe's Portuguese Bacalhau Tartelettes.

Bottom line: 8.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Italian Artisan Heart Shaped Pasta

Well wouldn't you know it? Trader Joe's Heart Shaped Pasta is back just in time for V.D. season! What's V.D. season, you ask? Valentine's Day, of course. What were you thinking? Get your mind out of the gutter.

Anyhoo, it's real Italian artisan pasta that's shaped like little hearts. Apparently, it's fairly difficult to find heart-shaped pasta for under three bucks..? I don't know, personally. It's not like I was seeking it out. It was just there on the shelf at Trader Joe's screaming, "Review me! Review me!" So here we are...

I mean, the pasta is decent. If boiled correctly, it comes out tender but firm, you know—al dente if you wanna get all authentically Italian and stuff. Of course, you'll need some sauce and maybe some grated parmesan to make it a meal. If you want to go the whole nine yards, you might throw in some meatballs or garlic bread and maybe a nice bottle of cabernet. Whatever floats your boat. I'm sure this isn't the first time you've made pasta for dinner.

I don't find this product to be head and shoulders better than any other ordinary pasta. I mean, it's pretty normal in the flavor department if you ask me. The colors are kind of pinkish and off-white. They're not particularly vivid, especially after cooking them. But if we wanted neon pink and red food, we'd be shopping somewhere other than Trader Joe's and buying stuff with chemical dyes, right? This stuff is colored with tomato and beet powder.

It's cute I guess. Pick up a pack, gentlemen, if you want to keep your ladies happy for the Hallmark holiday. Or if you're single, make some for yourself. Your tears of loneliness can salt the boiling water.

$2.49 for a pound of V.D. pasta. Product of Italy. Three and a half stars a piece from Sonia and me for Trader Joe's Italian Artisan Heart Shaped Pasta.

Bottom line: 7 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Baked Pizza Flavored Pillow Crisps

These are just crispy little bite-sized snacks...with absolutely nothing inside. I mean, I wasn't expecting a filling per se. I just thought there'd be more to them. The outer shells are super duper thin and crispy, and inside there's nothing but air. They're totally hollow.

Despite the crispness and crunchiness, both Sonia and I thought the product tasted and felt stale. Something about the durum wheat felt stiff in an off-putting way—almost like plastic—and the little pillows tended to shatter in such a way that sharp, angular pieces wanted to break off and stab the inside of our mouths and lips.

I was okay with the flavor, although the pizza coating could have been a lot stronger. Sonia felt they were bland overall, lacking the taste of Italian spices or cheese. We both agree there's very little that justifies putting the word "pizza" on the label.

In summary, Trader Joe's Baked Pizza Flavored Pillow Crisps are an odd whisper of tomato powder and salt on a hollow tube of stiff semolina and most definitely will not be on our list of repeat purchases. Trader Giotto would never have let this happen. $1.99 for the bag. Product of Italy. Two stars from Sonia. Two and a half stars from me.

Bottom line: 4.5 out of 10.