Trader Joe's Baked Pizza Flavored Pillow Crisps

These are just crispy little bite-sized snacks...with absolutely nothing inside. I mean, I wasn't expecting a filling per se. I just thought there'd be more to them. The outer shells are super duper thin and crispy, and inside there's nothing but air. They're totally hollow.

Despite the crispness and crunchiness, both Sonia and I thought the product tasted and felt stale. Something about the durum wheat felt stiff in an off-putting way—almost like plastic—and the little pillows tended to shatter in such a way that sharp, angular pieces wanted to break off and stab the inside of our mouths and lips.

I was okay with the flavor, although the pizza coating could have been a lot stronger. Sonia felt they were bland overall, lacking the taste of Italian spices or cheese. We both agree there's very little that justifies putting the word "pizza" on the label.

In summary, Trader Joe's Baked Pizza Flavored Pillow Crisps are an odd whisper of tomato powder and salt on a hollow tube of stiff semolina and most definitely will not be on our list of repeat purchases. Trader Giotto would never have let this happen. $1.99 for the bag. Product of Italy. Two stars from Sonia. Two and a half stars from me.

Bottom line: 4.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Double Chocolate Croissants

They need to put a huge disclaimer on the front of this package that says THESE TAKE TEN HOURS TO PREPARE. Culinary dummies like me don't take things like proofing into account, generally. Yes, we've reviewed similar products before that required proofing, but I didn't remember it took so much time. Traderjoes.com says you need to proof them "like a bakery would." Newsflash, TJ's: I don't run a bakery. I can barely toast a slice of bread correctly.

Also, our house is cold, arctic vortex and all. The kitchen is definitely not in the typical range of what might be considered "room temperature." Fortunately, I found a great reddit thread with alternative ideas for proofing. There was still some ambient heat lingering in the oven from when I heated our Chicken Shawarma Bowl, so I started the proofing process in the semi-warm oven. I waited about four hours and no visible proofing had occurred. Some folks on the thread said that if the product has been in your freezer for a significant amount of time, they won't proof correctly, but fortunately they also said the product is still delicious even if it hasn't risen like it's supposed to.

And you know what? They were absolutely right. These pastries might not have been as puffy as they were intended to be, but they sure did taste good. There's a richness to the bread that's absolutely marvelous, just like Trader Joe's other frozen croissants. The chocolate flavor is velvety and indulgent, sweet but not overly so, and the whole conglomeration is flaky and buttery as can be.

$5.49 for four bakery-quality croissants. Kosher. Would buy again in warmer weather just to try them when proofed correctly. Four and a half stars a piece from Sonia and me for Trader Joe's Double Chocolate Croissants.

Bottom line: 9 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Chicken Shawarma Bowl

Since this isn't the first shawarma product we've reviewed from Trader Joe's, I've given my spiel about chicken shawarma already. See: Trader Joe's Shawarma Chicken Thighs and Trader Joe's Shawarma Chicken Flatbread Wrap.

I found both of those products fell just shy of the mark for two completely different reasons, but neither was terrible, either. Roro's set the bar pretty high as my reference point for chicken shawarma. Trader Joe's has yet to offer anything truly outstanding in my book. But if they release 30 shawarma products this year, then you can bet I'll try all 30 and review them right here on this blog.

At any rate, I opted to heat this little bowl in the big bakey box rather than the microwave. It involves 40 minutes in the conventional oven, as compared to just five minutes when nuked. There's an arctic blast in effect as I compose this review, and we can use every Btu of heat we can get in the house right now.

In addition to shawarma chicken, we've got basmati rice, veggies, and a garlic sauce. None of the elements were particularly flavorful, nor did they approximate genuine Middle Eastern cuisine. Real shawarma bursts with the bright taste of yogurt and citrus, while this meat was dull and bland. The creamy garlic sauce was similar to the delightful Trader Joe's Garlic Spread Dip, but it wasn't quite as thick or delicious, and predictably, there wasn't nearly enough of it.

The chicken and rice was fine, texture-wise, though part of the appeal of real shawarma is the very thinly-sliced, nearly shredded format of the chicken, rather than bite-sized cubes. Also, I found the tomato pieces to be too large and squishy. I'm not a huge fan of raw tomato, though I'm usually okay when they're cooked like this. The spinach and peppers were hardly noticeable.

To call this a shawarma "fail" might be too strong a word. I'll call it another "missed opportunity." $3.99 for the single serving meal. Product of Canada..? Interesting. Stick to maple syrup, you Canucks. Two and a half stars from me. Three stars from the beautiful wifey on Trader Joe's Chicken Shawarma Bowl.

Bottom line: 5.5 out of 10.