Trader Joe's Hot Cocoa Heart Melts

I won't rant about how I feel about heart-shaped food items in this post. I did that once on this blog and I'm kinda over it now. We press the little heart button on Instagram and sometimes Farcebook. We listen to iHeart Radio. We play the game of Hearts with playing cards. We make hearts with our hands like Damar Hamlin. Seems like everybody has a cardiologist these days. One of my favorite song lyrics goes, "Destroy the mind, destroy the body, but you cannot destroy the heart." As a green comet passes close to our planet this week, we are reminded that the heart chakra is green.

But Valentine's hearts are always packaged in red and pink. For tradition's sake, that's just fine with me. Even if the product itself is brown and white, a red and pink bag is appropriate for this time of year. It's a resealable bag—or at least, it was supposed to be. The ziplock strip on ours only went across three quarters of the mouth of the bag. Fortunately, we have chip clips to keep it closed.

The most uncommon quality of Trader Joe's Hot Cocoa Heart Melts is their ability to serve as hot cocoa bombs when dropped into a mug of steamy milk or to simply serve as stand-alone chocolate candies. In the latter case, they taste like sweet milk chocolate, super salty caramel, and soft mini marshmallows. I guess they kind of taste like that in the former case, too, but combined with hot milk, the flavors seem balanced a little more and the extra-salty caramel tastes less like a mistake and more like a gourmet twist on everyday hot chocolate.

I like 'em okay. Sonia does, too. For us, these fall just below the Peppermint Hot Chocolate and Trader Joe's Abuelita—but they're head and shoulders above the Hot Cocoa Ornaments or the Double Chocolate Stirring Spoon. The fact that they're also decent as a regular chocolate caramel candy is a plus.

$3.99 for about 15 hearts. Four stars from Sonia. Three and a half stars from me for Trader Joe's Hot Cocoa Heart Melts.

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.

Peanut Butter & Jelly Frooze Balls

Just a quick hit for today. It's our first non-Trader Joe's brand product of 2023. It is widely available at Trader Joe's stores as well as a few other major retailers and grocery chains.

Frooze Balls. Not sure how I feel about that name for the product. Like I guess it could be a contraction or portmanteau of the words "fruit" and "ooze." They are made mostly of fruit, and there is a sort of ooze in the middle of them, so "Frooze Balls" it is.

They're made of date and coconut squished into a soft, moist texture, filled with peanut butter and various fruit purees and juices to make up the "jelly" part of the equation. They're fairly filling for how small they are, and they taste kind of like you'd expect: sweet, fruity, nutty. I like them okay, but I tire of them quickly after I've had one or two. They lack...pizzazz in my book, though many will disagree.

Sonia's a tad more into them than I am. She gives them four stars. We've also tried the chocolate hazelnut variety, which I like about the same as these. Sonia prefers PB&J over chocolate hazelnut. $1.99 for five balls. Vegan. Kosher. I give the Peanut Butter & Jelly Frooze Balls three and a half stars.

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Organic Mediterranean Style Salad Kit

If you want to pique my interest in any food product, slap the word "Mediterranean" on it. The promise of garbanzo beans, feta cheese, and any kind of pita or flatbread will reel me in every time, guaranteed.

Throw in other ingredients like romaine lettuce, radicchio, and red wine vinaigrette, and there's a good chance we'll have a winner on our hands. Speaking of red wine vinaigrette, does Subway still have that stuff? I don't go to Subway anymore because the last half dozen times or so I've gone, the prices have gone up, and there's no red wine vinaigrette. I digress.

So the ingredients in Trader Joe's Mediterranean Style Salad are good, but these kits rarely, if ever, have enough of the dressings, toppings, and fixins. 

I mean the vinaigrette, cheese, and flatbread strips were all lacking in our package. I'm not paying four bucks for a bag of lettuce here, Trader Joe's. I want a complete salad kit. 

The photo we took might lead one to conclude there were plenty of toppings, but this was our first little bowl of salad. Subsequent helpings were not as abundant in terms of flatbread strips, cheese, and dressing. We always have some vinaigrette on hand, so that wasn't really an issue. 

The bites that had each and every ingredient were delicious, but there were plenty of bites that were mostly just lettuce. I wasn't a fan of the little sun-dried tomatoes, either. I'm weird about tomato, though. I gave mine to Sonia. She was fine to finish them all but thought they were overly dried and too hard somehow. I just thought they were overly tomatoey somehow.

$3.99 for three and a half servings. A few tweaks here and there would put this in repeat-buy territory. As of right now, three stars from me on Trader Joe's Mediterranean Style Salad Kit. Sonia gives it three and a half.

Bottom line: 6.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Everyday Seasoning with Grinder

Maybe I'm still shell-shocked by the unreasonable amount of peppercorn in the recently-reviewed Trader Joe's Peppercorn Snack Bites with Peppercorn & More Peppercorn or I feel like I've had enough peppercorn flavor to last a lifetime, but even the relatively well-balanced peppercorn taste here in Trader Joe's Everyday Seasoning is a little much for me.

Again, I like the taste of peppercorn, black pepper, and pretty much any pepper derivative, as far as condiments and seasonings are concerned. I just don't like an overabundance of it. And I honestly think Trader Joe's Everyday Seasoning might have been a contender for my Pantheon of great TJ's foods if there were just two minor alterations to this seasoning blend:

1. Tone down the peppercorn in relation to the mustard seed, garlic, onion, and chili pepper flavors.

2. Lose the salt altogether.

Why get rid of the salt, you ask? Well, for one thing: who doesn't have salt in their home? You can always add it separately if you wish.

I'm often using these Trader Joe's seasonings to flavor foods that already have salt in them. You can make a cheap microwave meal a gourmet dining experience simply by adding Trader Joe's 21 Seasoning Salute. Those TV dinner type things are already loaded with sodium and there's no need to add more.

At least some of TJ's other seasoning blends like the Ajika Seasoning and the Za'atar Seasoning that contain some salt have it much lower on their ingredients list. In this case, salt is number one. I guess sea salt is preferable to regular salt, but still, there's roughly the same amount of sodium in both.

$1.99 for the shaker. I must admit the built-in grinder is fun and convenient. Sonia likes this blend for cooking purposes and will score it a little higher than I do for that reason. Four stars from her. I give Trader Joe's Everyday Seasoning three stars.

Bottom line: 7 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Chew-Cuterie

When I was growing up, my dad used to buy the family dog treats called People Crackers. The idea was that since people eat crackers or cookies shaped like assorted animals, that animals would enjoy eating crackers shaped like mailmen, milkmen, dog catchers, and various other denizens of the neighborhood. My father got a big kick out of the idea and would remark that the dog was "eating people" each time he'd give them to our miniature poodle named Apricot.

The only reason I bring up the People Crackers is because they were similar in texture, color, and smell to these Chew-Cuterie Assorted Dog Treats. Both treats are/were crunchy like a crispy human cracker, but perhaps a bit thicker and harder than anything a person would enjoy. I believe the People Crackers had different flavors, but I'm not certain. They definitely had a few different colors like these Trader Joe's brand dog cookies.

They come in cheddar flavor, salami, provolone, and prosciutto, and they actually contain real meats and cheeses. I see ingredients like "dried cheese," "pork stock," "natural provolone cheese flavor," and "natural ham flavor."

Alfred and Sadie liked them well enough and didn't show any preference among the four flavors. They gobbled each one down right away. I even tried breaking the crackers into little pieces and putting two different flavors on the floor equidistant from the dogs to see if they'd pick a particular variety over any of the others, but alas, there was simply no pattern.

The dogs generally prefer soft and chewy treats over hard and crunchy ones, so we'll say three out of four paw prints each from Alfred and Sadie. The idea of charcuterie for pets is cute, and we like the designs on the box. We'll give another 1.5 paw prints for the presentation on Trader Joe's Chew-Cuterie Assorted Flavor Dog Treats. There might have been another half a paw print if it came in a resealable package. $3.29 for the box.

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Chicken Noodle Soup with Veggies

I promise there are some sexy new product reviews coming down the pipeline soon. I've just had a backlog of random pantry staple type items building up that never got reviewed over the past year or two that I'm just getting around to now. What qualifies as a "sexy" product review, you ask? Something less boring and newer than boxed chicken soup, that's what.

But boring as chicken soup may be, it's as appropriate in January as it ever is. At two bucks a box, the price is right, and I think it's a pretty good product overall.

Sometimes chicken soup is like a breath of fresh air wafting through a country kitchen. Other times, it's reminiscent of dismal hospital fare or the tasteless cuisine you'd find in old folks' homes. This product falls squarely in between those two extremes, and probably a shade closer to that pleasant country kitchen side.

It's not as good as the Kettle-Cooked Chicken Soup by my reckoning, but then again, few soups are that good. On the plus side, there are big soft noodles in this soup—something the kettle cooked version lacked. 

There's still a generous amount of veggie chunks, and even an adequate quantity of chicken, too. However, I'm on record saying I'll always ask for more chicken in chicken soup, and this specimen is no different. GIMME MOAR CHICKENZ!

The broth has a pleasant flavor. It's salty and savory and is good enough to slurp down straight from the bowl by itself once you've sought out each and every piece of celery, carrot, chicken, and noodle with your spoon.

I like boxes better than other shapes for soup in the pantry since you can stack them like bricks top to bottom and front to back and not lose any space. Like I said, the price is right and it's surprisingly palatable soup. We'll purchase again. Four out of five stars from Sonia for Trader Joe's Chicken Noodle Soup with Veggies. Three and a half stars from me.

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Non-Dairy Frozen Dessert Chocolate Fudge Oat Bars

Let's kick the new year off right. It's January, and everybody's craving frozen treats, right? No? Well then, let's crank up the heat, put on a tropical island screen saver, and pretend it's the middle of July. Not every review can be seasonally appropriate.

I've honestly been surprised how well oat lends itself to fudge and chocolate flavors. In almost every case, these oats and oat milk-based products would have been a godsend if I were still on my milk-free diet as I was as a child, or for that matter, if I were vegan. I'm thinking these Chocolate Fudge Oat Bars, the recently-reviewed Very Chocolatey Oat Non-Dairy Frozen Dessert, and Trader Joe's Oat Chocolate Bars.

Conversely, in each case, these chocolatey oat desserts fall just shy of my good old dairy-based stand-by treats. Although it's not really my thing these days, I used to love a good Fudgesicle circa junior high and high school. That's basically what these are: vegan fudge popsicles.

They taste fudgey enough for me, although they might fall a hair shy of the originals in terms of rich chocolatey goodness and creaminess. Still, for being oat-based, it's hard to complain, since the differences are negligible.

Texture-wise, they're sorta creamy-ish, I guess, but also almost a tad oily I'd say. Is it the cocoa butter? Sunflower lecithin? Both? It's not really unappetizing, just unique. The mouthfeel of this product is...interesting.

$3.49 for four bars. It seems odd there are only four. Six would be ideal by my estimate. Sonia gives these oaty treats four out of five stars. I give Trader Joe's Non-Dairy Frozen Dessert Chocolate Fudge Oat Bars three out of five stars.

Bottom line: 7 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Sparkling Apple Cider

I've always been a fan of Martinelli's sparkling cider. That stuff just feels like a special occasion. Everything from the elegant bottle and packaging to the carbonation to the taste of the apple cider is absolutely top-notch. Plus, it's not a lot of money. I think I paid in the ballpark of three or four bucks for the last bottle I purchased. Before age 21 and when celebrating with my non-alcoholic friends, Martinelli's was always the gold standard and my personal go-to for dry New Year's type events.

So how does Trader Joe's Sparkling Apple Cider compare? Well, the price is right at $2.99. The presentation isn't quite as opulent as its name brand counterpart, but it's not an unattractive bottle, either.

Martinelli's certifies that all its cider is made from 100% USA-grown apples while Trader Joe's does not make such a claim. It's surprising how many of TJ's products are sourced abroad, but I guess that's just part of Mr. Joe's international mystique and allure. In both cases, the product is 100% juice with nothing added except vitamin C (ascorbic acid) and carbonation.

The taste? It's appley sweet with just a whisper of sour. The carbonation level is comparable to Martinelli's and other sparkling juices and ciders we've seen from Trader Joe's. It's an excellent replacement for champagne for the big ball drop or to pair alongside salty and savory appetizers.

If Martinelli's received a perfect score from Sonia and me, this Trader Joe's Sparkling Apple Cider would get just a shade less than that. I can't quite put my finger on why I like Martinelli's a bit more. We'll go with four stars from the beautiful wifey and three and a half from me. There's nothing wrong with this beverage, but in the end, I'd prefer a sparkling white grape juice from Trader Joe's instead.

This will probably be our last post for 2022, so happy New Year, friends! Buckle up for 2023. It's gonna be a wild ride.

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Sparkling Cranberry Flavored Juice Blend

I think Trader Joe's rolls out this beverage around Thanksgiving time each year, but it feels Christmassy enough to me. I mean, there are snowflakes on the label for goodness' sake. Even if you missed your chance to pick up a bottle this season, Trader Joe's Sparkling Cranberry Juice Blend is one of those products that's been around year after year for quite a while.

At this point, I want to start linking to all the other cranberry flavored beverages we've reviewed on this blog. Why? I don't even know. It's at least partly because I don't have a lot to say about this particular drink. And it might be partly to show off just how thoroughly we have combed through Trader Joe's line of (mostly) delicious fruit-flavored beverages.

But I'll let you use the "Search This Blog" feature if you're feeling like surfing the wave of crantastic holiday bevvies into the new year, and I'll cut to the chase and give you our thoughts.

Sonia thought that, if anything, the drink was too sweet. I was thinking I wouldn't have minded it a little sweeter. There's a strong tartness that doesn't exactly represent the flavor of cranberry here. No wonder. There's lemon juice in the mix. 

The sweetness Sonia detected was undoubtedly due to the white grape juice; the number one ingredient. Actual cranberry juice falls in between grape and lemon on the list.

I can't imagine why they wouldn't use cranberry as the number one juice in the mix and then add in bits of white grape as needed for sweetness. That said, it's still vaguely cranberry-esque, refreshing, and perfectly carbonated. It is tart, tangy, and sweet—just how sweet apparently depends on who you ask. It feels "special" and festive enough, if only because we don't buy this type of drink on the regular.

I'd have it with our Christmas Day feast and be happy enough. Would I buy it again? Maybe. $2.49 for the 750 mL bottle. Double three and a half star scores here for Trader Joe's Sparkling Cranberry Flavored Juice Blend.

Bottom line: 7 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Fig & Olive Crisps

The box claims that figs and olives have been served together for millennia. Welp, golly. Don't I feel behind the times by a few thousand years. This is the first I've heard of it.

I guess it makes sense. You've got the sweet with the figs and the salty with the olives. Throw in some grains and seeds and you've got the beginnings of a top-shelf hors d'oeuvre right here.

We've seen Trader Joe's do this before. They combine two fascinating ingredients that seem like they'd be at odds with one another and throw them into a crunchy "crisp" format. I'm thinking summer's Strawberry & Jalapeño Crisps as well as the very autumnal Pumpkin Cranberry Crisps. The general verdict: they're good, but they need to be served with a dip, spread, or cheese.

Trader Joe's Fig & Olive Crisps are no different. Both flavor-wise and texture-wise, these crisps can only be fully redeemed with creamy cheeses. The sweet Christmassy figginess does clash with the briny olive flavor in a way when the crisps are consumed sans condiments. But there's just something about a good chevre or even low-brow cream cheese that balances out the flavors just right and tempers the über-crunchiness to a tolerable level. The box also recommends brie, cheddar, or manchego cheese, as well as sliced olives and figs.

I know there are folks out there that love these just the way they are. Sonia and I don't fall into that category 100% but we can see where those folks are coming from. Also, figs are super apropos during Yuletide, so we'll try to be fair and balanced. 

$3.99 for the box. The beautiful wifey gives Trader Joe's Fig & Olive Crisps three and a half stars. I'll throw out three.

Bottom line: 6.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Nuts About Rosemary Mix

I grew up calling hazelnuts "filberts." After a quick internet search, I found people claiming that they're the exact same thing and the two monikers are interchangeable. I also found people stating that although somewhat similar, they are, in fact, two different types of nuts. I found claims that Americans say "hazelnut" while Brits and Europeans say "filbert" for reasons they failed to adequately explain. Further, some said that they were called "filberts" after St. Philbert's Feast, which is held in France near the time of hazelnut harvest.

At any rate, Trader Joe's calls the ones in this mix "hazelnuts." I'm fine with that. I like them. I like this mix okay. But wouldn't you know it: this mix tastes like rosemary...like A LOT of rosemary. Who'd have guessed?

As is typical, I was racing through the aisles at Trader Joe's shortly after opening, trying to score some as-yet-unreviewed items before the store got even more crowded. I guess I was thinking this was more of a snack mix, following in the tradition of Trader Joe's Step Up to the Snack Bar Mix from four years back, or Trader Joe's Stepping It Up Spicy Snack Bar Mix from just a couple years ago, both reviewed during the month of December on this blog. But it's all nuts. It's all nuts and rosemary.

And if you're nuts about rosemary, that's a good thing. There are visible flecks of the stuff on nearly every nut. And it's a great lot of nuts for just about seven bucks. The vast majority of the nuts in our tub were completely whole, with a minority of the cashews being halves. They're all seriously high quality.

I think I might have enjoyed this more if there had been crackers or crisps or pretzels of some sort to soothe the raging carbivore within me. There's a fair amount of sea salt here, and just a hint of sunflower oil and sugar, so the nuts aren't entirely undressed. Fortunately, Sonia and I like cashews, pecans, almonds, and hazelnuts quite a bit.

Rosemary? I'm good with rosemary when it plays second fiddle to other flavors. The nuts are fairly rosemary-forward here. I'm totally down for a handful or two at a time, and then I have to back off. Sonia's the same way, but in general, she's a tad more wary of too much rosemary.

Wary of rosemary. Heh. That rhymes.

But she actually threw me a curveball here. She thinks the rosemary balance with the nut flavor is just about right. She's significantly more into these than I am, and she's on record not liking products because of "too much rosemary" in the past. I'm thinking specifically of Trader Joe's Turkey-Less Stuffed Roast we reviewed many years ago.

I'll go with three stars here for the good quality and decent value. Sonia will throw out four stars. I'll just say if you LOVE the taste of rosemary, I think a projected score for this one might be closer to 8 or 9. But for us, we'll give Trader Joe's Nuts About Rosemary about seven total stars.

Bottom line: 7 out of 10.

Trader Joe's O' Nog

History repeats itself. After trying Trader Joe's O' Nog for the first time, I think Sonia said verbatim the same thing she said after tasting Trader Joe's Almond Nog.

"I like this better than regular egg nog."

Blasphemy. Culinary heresy, pure and simple. Vegans and lactose intolerants, you guys get a free pass. But the beautiful wifey is neither of those.

I'm just kidding. She's free to think silly things like that. And I'm free to think that traditional egg nog will never be surpassed by anything non-dairy.

But comparing this to full calorie, milk-based, egg-laden nog is unfair in some ways. So let's look at it for what it is: it's an oat-based beverage that very nearly approximates the flavor of traditional egg nog. It got the sweetness level right. It got the spice blend right. And it came very close to getting the creaminess right.

The texture, like the almond nog, is noticeably more watery than the real stuff. And while the almond nog was predictably nutty, this oat beverage is predictably grainy in a similar sense, flavor-wise.

This drink reminds Sonia of atole, or atole blanco, a traditional corn-based Mexican beverage usually served hot. So, logically, Sonia tried Trader Joe's O' Nog warmed up and she absolutely loved it. I must agree it works as a hot beverage, possibly even better than it does when served cold.

I can verify it works well when mixed with bourbon. I'd assume, like egg nog or almond nog, that it would go great with rum, brandy, Jägermeister, or any number of alcoholic additives, too.

It's not just dairy-free, but also vegan, soy free, gluten free, and lactose free. The only ingredients not in the "2% or less" category are water, hydrolyzed oats, and cane sugar.

$2.99 for the quart. Sonia will go with four stars again. I'll go with a solid three for the noble effort on Trader Joe's O' Nog Non-Dairy Oat Beverage.

Bottom line: 7 out of 10.

Trader Joe's The Most Wonderful Time of the Year Advent Calendar

Goodness gracious, Trader Joe. Talk about self-promotion. There's so much advertising for your own stuff on this advent calendar, you should pay us to take one!

But, alas, I did pay the whopping 99¢ for 24 pieces of chocolate. Let's see if they're as bad as Trader Joe's Old Advent Calendar.

Actually, nope. These are fresher somehow. Maybe it's because this one is wrapped in cellophane. I feel like the ones many years ago were just cardboard. I could be wrong, though. It's been 11 years.

Nevertheless, these chocolates are nothing to write home about. They're just plain sweet milk chocolate with no gimmicks, no surprises. I'd never buy them if not for the 24 interactive countdown windows. Advent calendars are fun even if the chocolate is yucky. Also, this one has a handy dandy checklist on the back with all your favorite Christmas items. They're the same ones featured on the artwork on the front.

Coincidentally, we've reviewed just about all those products on the advent calendar. Two can play at that shameless self-promotion game, Trader Joe's.

In the top left, we've got a big tin of Trader Joe's Jingle Jangle.

In the bottom left, I see a bag of Trader Joe's Scandinavian Tidings.

On the top right, there's a bottle of Trader Joe's Winter Wassail.

Also, on the right, I spy with my little eye: a carton of Trader Joe's Almond Nog.

And there's some Trader Joe's Candy Cane Joe-Joe's down there, too.

Last but certainly not least, there's a jar of Trader Joe's Cookie Butter.

What can I say? It's fun and cheap. And the chocolate doesn't taste like glue or cardboard. Three and a half stars a piece from Sonia and me for Trader Joe's The Most Wonderful Time of the Year Advent Calendar. That's fair, right?

Bottom line: 7 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Gluten Free Triple Ginger Muffins

Like raw garlic, ginger is one of those miracle substances that's truly a gift to mankind. It has antibacterial properties. It can lower blood pressure. It can even aid digestion and help fight the common cold. Unlike garlic, it actually lends a great flavor to candies, sweet beverages, and other treats.

I can't vouch for any health benefits or healing properties from this particular product, but I can tell you it tastes significantly like real, raw, unadulterated ginger. In my opinion, they got the ginger flavor juuust right. It's always a delicate balance. The recently-reviewed Gingerbread Sandwich Cookies didn't have enough real ginger flavor if you ask me, and products like the Ginger, Almond & Cashew Granola had too much raw ginger flavor. This product nailed the ginger level with ginger puree, candied ginger, crystallized ginger, and ground ginger. Wait. That's four kinds of ginger. That makes this product Trader Joe's Gluten Free Quadruple Ginger Muffins. I guess "triple ginger" rolls off the tongue a little better.

The ginger is balanced out by the alternative flours like rice, potato, and tapioca along with a sweetness blend including molasses and brown sugar. Sonia, in particular, loved the molasses and brown sugar. The ginger flavor is powerful, but not overwhelming.

Texture-wise, these are practically identical to October's Gluten Free Pumpkin Streusel Muffins. They're not simply moist or oily, they're nearly wet with a sticky liquid glaze. There's an unusual fresh-baked quality about them, and they don't suffer for a lack of wheat or gluten. Unlike the pumpkin version, these didn't seem to have that grainy or gritty texture at all.

$4.99 for four muffins. Sonia likes pumpkin just a bit more than she likes ginger, so she'll go a half star lower on this one. I'll go half a star higher since these didn't make me cough. So four stars from me, three and a half from the beautiful wifey on Trader Joe's Gluten Free Triple Ginger Muffins.

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's This Coconut Brings Chocolate on a Date Bars

This product isn't very Thanksgivingy, is it? Not at first glance, no. But just think of all the travel that will be happening this week. You'll be stuck in the car with ravenous kids and nowhere to pull over. Everyone will be screaming that they're hungry while you're driving over the river and through the woods to grandmother's house you go, and then you'll remember you brought a box of Trader Joe's This Coconut Brings Chocolate on a Date Bars.

Convenient? Of course. Just five ingredients—that's a plus. The texture: soft, chewy, moist, with little bits of coconut swimming all throughout. Both Sonia and I like the mouthfeel just fine.

As far as the taste goes, this will be the second product in a row where we disagree. Sonia says the chocolate throws the whole thing off. She'd rather have a 100% fruit and coconut bar. We've seen those before: Trader Joe's Apple + Coconut Bar.

I think the chocolate is done exceptionally well in this instance: there's both non-sweet chocolate and cocoa powder, and it rounds out the product with a rich, dark indulgent quality that plain fruit bars lack. I'll plow through this box all by myself with little or no help from the beautiful wifey. Also, the size of the bars is absolutely perfect for keeping the blood sugar up and holding the munchies at bay.

As an aside, I should mention that I'm not sure why there appears to be a big white patch on the bar in the photo I took. It almost looks like a weird white mold on the bar. I assure you it didn't look like that in real life. Must have been a trick of the light or something.

$3.69 for five bars. Five? Why not six? Hmm. I'd still buy 'em again. Sonia probably wouldn't. Three stars from her. I've gotta throw out at least four and a half to keep Trader Joe's This Coconut Brings Chocolate on a Date Bars in the realm of respectability.

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Gingerbread Sandwich Cookies

Is this jumping the gun? It's not quite the Christmas season yet in my book. Thanksgiving should get its rightful day in the sun, for sure. I mean, on one hand, this product has been available at Trader Joe's for at least a couple weeks now, and I do know people that do Christmas movies, decorations, trees, you name it, starting the day after Halloween. Even I think that's too early. In our household, as well as the house I grew up in, the Christmas season officially begins the day after Thanksgiving, aka Black Friday. The tree goes up in all its glory, the decorations come out, and the Christmas song playlist begins.

I'll make an exception with this product since it's not overtly Christmassy. One could make an argument that gingerbread is fair game at Thanksgiving. Furthermore, folks need to know in advance whether this is a worthy holiday season purchase or not. So...is it? In short, Sonia will tell you an enthusiastic "yes!" and I'll give you a lackluster "meh."

There's nothing inherently wrong with these cookies. They're soft rather than crispy, which is a plus as far as we're concerned. They taste relatively fresh and gingery, although there's very little actual raw ginger flavor. They're more like stereotypical dessert-ish gingerbread. I'm not big into the sandwich cookie format always, but I must admit it works here. That's one of Sonia's favorite parts—the huge amounts of cream cheese-based filling. You can even see in the photo some of the specimens are just bursting at the seams with sweet cream icing. It might be overkill in a few instances, but the average cookie in the box is balanced pretty well in terms of filling versus gingerbread.

Sonia keeps going back for several cookies throughout the course of each day, whereas I've tired of the flavor for the most part. They still taste fresh enough. I guess I'm just not a huge gingerbread cookie fan. Also, there are big granules of sugar that crunch when you chew them. It makes me think the enamel on my teeth is crumbling with each and every bite. And the aftertaste, while not particularly pungent, has an odd baking soda essence.

At around five bucks for 18 cookies, it's hard to complain about the value-factor. Still, I don't think I'll muster more than three holiday stars for these wintry cookies. Sonia will tell you I'm wrong and that they're a great early Christmas season treat and would be perfect for parties. Four and a half stars from her. If you've tried these, let us know in the comments who's right and who's wrong about Trader Joe's Gingerbread Sandwich Cookies.

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Very Chocolatey Oat Non-Dairy Frozen Dessert with Fudge Brownies

Every Good Boy Deserves Fudge. E-G-B-D-F. Anybody else? It's a mnemonic device to remember the lines on the treble clef. Or, alternatively, Every Good Boy Does Fine. I was terrible at piano even after nine years of lessons. I'm much more of a bass guitar guy. Sorry for the rabbit trail. I could go on for pages and pages, but we have a product to review here.

Trader Joe's Very Chocolatey Oat Non-Dairy Frozen Dessert with Fudge Brownies. That's a mouthful and a half for a product title. If nothing else, it's accurate. I mean, the fudge brownies aren't, like, whole brownies or anything. They're not even really chunks. More like bits...or bites. But there's a bunch of 'em, and they're pretty tasty.

Here we have rich, fudgy chocolate oat milk ice cream on top of rich, fudgy chocolate morsels. I have to be in the mood for "chocolate overload" to really enjoy a product like this one. Fortunately, I had one of my infrequent cravings just the other day. It was cold and gloomy, and I needed a pick-me-up. This did the trick in terms of picking me up...but not so much in terms of warming me up.

Well, duh. It is frozen dessert after all.

The oatiness doesn't really detract from the flavor. It's a pretty decent frozen dessert for being vegan. I will say there's something "loamy" about the look and texture. Can I use that word here? It's generally reserved for describing dirt. "This soil is loamy," said the farmer. It means a certain percentage is clay, silt, and sand. Not that it felt sandy in my mouth or anything like that. Clay-ish, perhaps.

Truth be told, I'm not really up to speed on all these newfangled dairy-free options from other brands these days. I've had a few. I think I'm more partial to rice-based ice cream than oat, but I wouldn't complain if you stuck a bowl of this frozen treat in front of me.

Sonia liked it but didn't love it. She'd generally prefer a vanilla-based frozen treat and thinks oat lends itself to less rich flavor combos rather than double chocolate like we have here.

$3.99 for the pint. Don't think I'd pick it up again, but I might if I were lactose intolerant or vegan. Three and a half stars from Sonia. Three from me for Trader Joe's Very Chocolatey Oat Non-Dairy Frozen Dessert.

Bottom line: 6.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Organic Artichoke Pasta Sauce

Here's an interesting one. Not feeling marinara sauce on your pasta dish tonight? Don't want Alfredo either? This product might be the alternative you've been looking for.

Or maybe not. The flavor is...interesting. It tastes sour more than anything else, but also bitter, tangy, cheesy. It's quite flavorful, the only question is: will you as an individual like this flavor? 

I could see it being quite off-putting to some and delightful to others, much like the artichoke timbales we looked at a while back, though I think I liked this product more than those oddball appetizers.

You can kind of tell from the picture this product isn't as liquidy as most tomato-based pasta sauces or even Alfredo. It's sort of a coarse, custard-like consistency—like pureed artichokes with cheeses mixed in. It doesn't look very appetizing by itself: almost reminiscent of baby food.

Of course it thins a bit when heated. We also found it works best as a very modest coating. Neither Sonia nor I wanted to pile it on too thick, since the flavor was almost too intense.

It was fine by itself on plain pasta. However, contrary to our initial assumptions, the wifey and I both liked it better when we added some sweet chicken sausage to the dish. The sweetness helped offset some of the sauce's astringency.

Sonia says she'd buy it again just to have that third pasta sauce option on hand. I don't know if I'd ever prefer this over good old-fashioned Ragu or whatever, but I feel more worldly and sophisticated having tried it. $3.49 for the jar. Three and a half stars from the missus. Three from me for Trader Joe's Organic Artichoke Pasta Sauce.

Bottom line: 6.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Pumpkin Gnocchi

Maybe our taste buds are broken, but this tasted exactly like sweet potato gnocchi to Sonia and me. It's the combination of potato flakes, pumpkin puree, and cane sugar I bet. I know pumpkin tastes like squash....because it is a squash. But sweet potato? I guess if you throw regular potato and sugar in there...

Texture-wise, the gnocchi was soft, supple, and pliable, as were most iterations of gnocchi we've seen from Trader Joe's throughout the years. Nothing to complain about there. The flavor, while pleasant...was just a tad plain.

Sonia read on the interwebs that adding sage butter to this product really made its flavor shine. Alas, we had no sage. So I did a search for what herbs could replace sage and came back with marjoram, thyme, and oregano.

I looked in our spice rack and discovered that Trader Joe's Za'atar Seasoning contains all three. So I added butter and a dusting of zaatar. Delicious. It really complimented the sweet potato-esque elements in the product and made the whole thing much more flavorful. And in my opinion, the more butter, the better.

It's a decent product, but both the beautiful wifey and I think it needs a bit of help to push it into that realm of really darn goodness. As is, we'll go with "not bad."

$2.99 for 3 servings. Three and a half stars from Sonia. Three from me.

Bottom line: 6.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Cinnamon Roll Drizzled Granola

Granola, deservedly or otherwise, has a reputation of being a somewhat healthy, tasty, hippie-ish kinda thing to eat. Cinnamon rolls, very deservedly, have a reputation of being one of the utmost of decadence, a timeless, classic culinary masterpiece when warm and gooey with all sorts of butter and sugar and other not so healthy things. 

Mash 'em together in Trader Joe's Cinnamon Roll Drizzled Granola and whatcha got?

It's pretty tasty, that's what it is....but it's neither really a cinnamon roll or granola. I call this kinda thing the Rhode Island phenomenon. Discuss!

Part of the whole appeal of a classic cinnamon roll is the soft, warm, inviting bite into it, right? That warm gooiness that just invites your incisors to do their thang....yum. That's just not here, of course. instead, it's these large chunks of rolled oats that are room temperature and chewy and at times quite a mouthful. In my experience so far, there's been a few stray harder bits of grit that weren't anticipated, which thankfully didn't mess up my dental work. Granted, there's lot of the taste of a cinnamon roll, as it's replicated well here - plenty of cinnamon and brown sugar, and that cool icing drizzled atop - but, unshockingly, it's not exactly the real deal. 

And it's not quite granola either. My lovely bride had some and stated she'd never pour some into a bowl and splash some milk atop. I'd agree, this doesn't have that vibe. It's just too large and chunky and yeah i guess you could break it up....and the package itself recommends eating it cereal style...but I just can't see it. Same deal with busting some up to put on yogurt or whatever. Nah, all this is more close to just straight up snack out out of the bag.

In all, I like this the TJ's cinna roll granola but consider it to be almost more like a candy than anything else...except baked oat candy probably doesn't exist...yet. It's just so much sugar, especially that drizzle everywhere splattered on everything and holding it all together. Less of that could be more here. The granola's get enough going for it for me to give it a pass over all and it's a probable repurchase for the $5 or so it cost. 

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Cinnamon Roll Drizzled Granola: 7 out of 10 Golden Spoons