Trader Joe's Organic Reduced Sugar Cherry Preserves

This originally was gonna be a post about Trader Joe's Pumpkin Spice Scone Mix with Maple Flavored Frosting. Cuz, you know, it's seasonal and all, and I for whatever uncharacteristic reason am on some sort of pumpkin spice kick, and given the Rodgers' historic oven-related troubles, Sandy and I figured we were the ones for the job. But somehow in between taking pictures and transferring to my computer, they got eaten. The pictures, not the scones. Well, the scones did get eaten too...but that's another story, and won't go into too much detail on them in case they get revisited later.

Late night scrounge the fridge time then, gotta find something to review...well, hey, here's Trader Joe's Organic Reduced Sugar Cherry Preserves. What else are we gonna do? Got a lot of time left in pumpkin spice season after all.

You might remember that a little while back us yinzers here went on a whole spree with the blueberry preserves. That stuff was the bomb, so would that make this a...cherry bomb? Eh, not quite. I'd say the overall quality of the product is about there - similar mouthfeel, similar texture, spreadability factor high, etc - but at the same time, it's missing a small something, and what it is, I'm not sure.

It's still very good. There's a mild, smooth tartness that ends with a slightly sweet finish. It's almost - but not quite - just like eating straight cherries, except without the pits, of course. But maybe that's it right there. Fresh, juicy ripe cherries are sweet and tart and vibrant and just downright delectable in almost every way. That's not that sense here, not in the same way as the blueberry preserves. Some of the potency gets a little lost in translation.

No matter. It's the current jam of choice for our oldest daughter, who loves it matched with some sunflower spread for a school lunch sandwich. Sandy and I will slather some on some fresh baked bread from our local coffee shop, and really, we've been slacking on the opportunity to put it on a grilled cheese sandwich. Our youngest daughter hates it, though, which I think is hilarious. I *think* she normally like cherries...she's a little weirdo. Eh well. Decent enough jam, and maybe it's a last little remnant of summer to bring into the fullness of fall. Pumpkin spice can wait.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Organic Reduced Sugar Cherry Preserves: 7.5 out of 10 Golden Spoons.

Trader Joe's Cold Brew Coffee Chocolate Bar

Relax. Those stains on the packaging aren't real. Trader Joe's makes it look that way on purpose. Trust me, I wouldn't put a hot cuppa on this product for fear it would melt the chocolate. 

Have you seen "The Arrival," starring Amy Adams and Jeremy Renner? It's one of my favorites from last year's batch of Best Pic noms—even if it did have globalist undertones and subtle "I for one welcome our new alien overlord" themes. What can I say, I'm a sucker for sci-fi. Turns out these coffee stains are part of an intergalactic language used by weird "heptapod" creatures. For those of you not well-versed in this alien tongue, I'll translate the marking on the cover of this product. It reads: "BUY ME AND EAT ME NOW."

So we did.

And now we're having flashbacks to the spring. What? Have you forgotten about Coffeepalooza already? 

After missing sleep for approximately two and a half months, I finally returned to a normal 6-8 hour a night sleeping schedule, and here TJ's goes messing that up again...I thought we were doing pumpkin and apple stuff right now. Guess they forgot to pull this one out of the stockroom back in April, so here it is! Enjoy the wonders of insomnia once again, friends!

For all you coffee-cravers, I could see this $1.99 candy bar being a repeat purchase. Thankfully, I've developed a healthy fear of coffee products since the events of Coffeepalooza and I'll probably be able to stay far away from this item—especially with all the fun fall stuff to keep me busy.

According to the description on the product's packaging, both the chocolate and the caramel filling are infused with coffee. In the chocolate, it's more subtle I think. Sonia claims she can't even really taste coffee with the outer chocolate layer, but she does like the not-too-bitter dark chocolate they chose for it. I'd say there's a hint of something mocha-ish there, but I'll admit the filling boasts significantly more coffee taste.

I'm not sure if the coffee flavor in this chocolate bar is distinctly cold brew or if that's just the way they decided to market it since cold brew is "in" right now. Either way, it's a tasty chocolate bar. Sonia says it does have that unique, light cold brew essence—slightly smoother than traditional roasted coffee. Seems like she knows what she's talking about, so we'll go with that.

I'm not the biggest fan of coffee in the world, but just as I did during the days of Coffeepalooza, I'll try to project a score on behalf of all you coffee-lovers out there. We'll go with four out of five. Sonia concurs.

Bottom line: 8 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Premium Peanut Butter Roundels

So...what's a roundel?

Sounds like a singular member of a 1960's Motown group, or a really balloony shaped letter of the alphabet. If you would have asked me what a roundel was a few days go, I would have said one of those, or pulled some equally dumb joke out of nether regions. I'm a dad, it's what I do.

But as it turns out...a roundel is a "small disk, especially a decorative medallion." Or a circular disc used as a symbol. Says Wikipedia: "The term is used in heraldry, but also commonly used to refer to a type of national insignia used on military aircraft, generally circular in shape and usually comprising concentric rings of different colours." So like all those bull's eye type deals on old airplanes, or to my suburban-acclimated mind, the Target symbol. 

Hrm. Didn't know that 'til now. That makes Trader Joe's Premium Peanut Butter Roundels food for both body and mind.

You don't see TJ's throw the word "premium" around too often. So, that along with the nearly irresistible combo of chocolate and peanut butter made this an intriguing buy. Unfortunately, there's something here that seems a little lacking if not even a little disappointing in some ways. 

Seems to be the chocolate. 

Forgot to take a pic of the actual product (lo siento, amigos), but the roundels look much like the package pic - main coat of dark chocolate with some milk chocolate striped on top. It looks fancy, but really, it's kinda bland and waxy. This isn't the usual TJ quality dark chocolate here, it's noticeably different. The package even confirmed it's different by it's cacao content - only 49% versus the usual 60s octane blend. Even with a decently thick coat, in all honesty, to me, it doesn't taste like much, and that's disappointing.

So naturally, the main flavor is the peanut butter portion. It's good, not great - a little roasty and earthy, but a lot of added sugar. I mean, it's better than the usual Reese Cup fare...but not over-the-top delicious, and it doesn't quite have the "comfort vibe" of a good pb to me. I'd prefer a little roastier, maybe a touch saltier, and not as sweet. It's possible that with a better chocolate coat the peanut butter would stand out a little better or differently, but as is, it's certainly not unpleasant but it's far from transcendent.

The description on the box is pretty apt of the roundel being a "patty." There's no cookie or cakey kinda base. It's a pbv cup in a different form. That's something else that could have improved it - something a little crunchy in there, maybe a few actual peanuts. 

And be forewarned - these get super melty very easily. Use caution when giving to kids. Had to hose off both my girls afterwards. 

So what do these roundels signify? A decent enough treat for the $4 or so from TJ's. Not earth shattering. I'd be somewhat surprised if we get them again - good, but not great. At least I got to add to my vocab while I was at it. Matching threes. 

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Premium Peanut Butter Roundels: 6 out of 10 Golden Spoons 

Trader Joe's Apple Cider Caramels

There's lots of great stuff you can do with cider besides drink it straight. You can turn it into jam or tea or make apple cider donuts...Trader Joe's, we're looking at you, here. Why have we not seen Trader Joe's Apple Cider Donuts yet?

Nevermind. You've blessed us with apple cider caramels. And we're grateful.

But really, packaged like this, it's more of a novelty purchase than anything else. Four caramels for $1.99. One serving in the whole pack. What a tease you are, Joe. 

It's very much a check-out line, afterthought, "I need a little pick-me-up because my blood sugar's low" kind of buy. I guess it would make a nice birthday present for that person at work that you're fond of but don't really know that well. Or, for you singles out there, it might work as a first-date "Hey look, I'm a thoughtful guy but I'm not super weird and overbearing and showing up with a dozen roses yet" kind of gift. Or better yet, for you married folks, it would be the perfect "Hey look, I still think about you when I'm out and about and yet I'm wise and practical and don't spend a ton of money to prove it" kind of gesture.

And then in each of those cases, not only will you get the "Oh, s/he is so thoughtful" points, but once the recipient tastes the caramels, s/he will adore you all the more, because once again, TJ's—or some mysterious third-party vendor, as the case may be—nailed the essence of fall with a delectable, sweet, spicy apple cider product.

The outside is thick, high-quality dark chocolate, with a little white chocolate swirl on top for decoration. The inside is a very sweet caramel that distinctly tastes like apple cider. It doesn't taste much like traditional caramel at all. Anyone with a decent set of taste buds would easily recognize the flavor in a blind taste test. Not just apple. Apple cider. Yumtastic. Applicious. Ciderrific.

The two flavors play against each other in the best way possible. The dark chocolate lends a hint of bitterness, and even this white chocolate-lover wouldn't want this product with any other kind of chocolate, because the cider caramel filling is perfectly sweet by itself and needs the dark chocolate to balance it out. There are just enough cider spices to make this product unique. The flavor is intense in a way, but not at all overbearing.

All we ask is for a family-size box next year, so everybody can try one. Trust me, you'll pine for more when the little box is finished.

Double fours here.

Bottom line: 8 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Mini Pumpkin Ginger Hold the Cone! Ice Cream Cones

Oh September, you sneaky, sneaky month, you. Every year, it's the same, or so it seems. A little after Labor Day, depending on your mood, you linger in the cooler temps and breezes of the fall. It's still pleasant (to me, the best time of the year!) but it's time to reach for a hoodie and a warm beverage. the leaves are turning before getting all crunchy, football is around, crockpot dinners sound like a good idea once more. Heck, even a guy like me can start getting into pumpkin spice for a little bit....

...but then. WHOMP. Back to the 80s, or even 90s. Humidity. Sweltering heat. That autumnal tease is over, making all the heat seems 10 times worse than it actually is. Seems to happen every year, this year no exception, but every time....every. time. .... I get fooled again. Drives me crazy.

So when it's hot but you still want a small taste of fall, why not some seasonal ice cream?

I'm really not sure if I'm relaying the name of this product correctly - look at the packaging, it's confusing - but I'm gonna go with Trader Joe's Mini Pumpkin Ginger Hold the Cone! Ice Cream Cones. We've reviewed some of their brethren before, as well as one or two other pumpkinny ice cream dessert type deals, but here they are, together as one, in a tiny, handheld blissful unity.

I'd say they're decent. As before, it's a good sized treat, with a small dollop of ice cream atop a fairly nondescript typical cone, with the ice cream filled almost all the way down to the very bottom. It's a few bites or a small treat for an adult - a serving size is three of them, for goodness sake - or about perfect for the kids. There's also a crispy candy coating atop the ice cream and plugging the bottom of the cone - no drips!

The candy shell is bit basic. Nothing too special, tastes maybe vaguely gingery. At least it's not as sickeningly sweet as the candy melts you get at Michael's or wherever. Inside the the sugar jacket is the ice cream. Maybe it's the same as the aforementioned Pilgrim Joe's pumpkin ice cream...maybe it's not. It's been a while. But whatever it is, it doesn't taste all that pumpkinlicious...or even pumpkin spicey. Nah, it's mostly ginger, but not nearly to the extent of, say, triple ginger snaps or anything. It's super mild ginger. While perfect for folks who like the idea of ginger but not all that much, it leaves me wanting more.

In the end, they're a bit too much in the middle for me. Not gingery enough to be a sraight-up ginger snack, not anything else enough to be anything else. I like that I can eat two of them and not feel guilty - there's a certain pleasure in eating these with kids and pretending to be a massive giant overlord. Kinda weird that if serving size is three, that only eight are in the box...makes for wonky math. Sandy likes them enough, as do the kids, and as do I, I guess. Kids gave them perfect scores, as they would most anything with sugar, so take that as you will. Pumpkin treat to beat the heat.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Mini Pumpkin Ginger Hold the Cone! Ice Cream Cones: 7.5 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Trader Joe's Pumpkin Marble Mousse Bar

Ah, the first day of fall is finally here. Sure doesn't feel like it yet, though. It'll be nearly 90 degrees here in New Jersey for the next few days. I'm eagerly awaiting temperatures cool enough to wipe out the local mosquito population—or at least temperatures cool enough that I can spend some time outside with long pants and long sleeves on so the little jerks can't bite me as readily. You should see my legs. It looks like I have some bizarre skin disease...but I'll stop right there since this is a food review blog and talk of skin disease and mosquito bites isn't particularly appetizing.

Know what is appetizing? Pumpkin pandemonium at Trader Joe's. We can just stay inside, crank the AC, eat fall foods, and pretend it feels cool outside. Fun stuff.

Pumpkin cheesecake over a fudgy brownie base? Yes, please! Looks delicious!

Except once you bite into it...it's not terrible...but really? That's cheesecake? I tried just the top part of the product by itself—the "mousse" section. It's nothing like cheesecake in my humble opinion. It tastes and feels like pumpkin pie filling. And that, of course, isn't a bad thing in and of itself. But I was promised cheesecake. Also, the fudgy brownie part isn't very fudgy. It's just...there.

There's a vague chocolatiness to the brownie base and an even more vague pumpkinniness to the crown, but overall, it's not particularly pumpkin-spicy or creamy or chocolatey. It's just an orange and brown dessert that, again, isn't terrible. It's just not terribly good or unique, either. The product's name makes it sound super gourmet, but the taste and texture just don't quite live up to our expectations—especially in light of the $6 price tag.

On the plus side, the presentation is stellar. These would look great on the dessert table at a fall party or something. The bars are very simple to prepare: just thaw, cut, and serve. And as Sonia pointed out, all of the constituent parts are quite moist and soft.

We'll easily be able to finish these bars over the course of the next few days, but if you're excited about Trader Joe's pumpkin products, this is not the first six bucks you should spend there.

Bottom line: 6 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Organic Spicy Taco Sauce

You know what Trader Joe's Organic Spicy Taco Sauce would probably taste good on?

I'm gonna go out on a limb here...and say tacos. Just a wager, I suppose. Something tells me that idea just might have some merit.

Yup, here's a review of taco sauce not actually taste-tested on tacos. Not for lack of desire - tacos aren't just for Cinco de Maya and Tuesdays. They'd be everyday chow if I had my say. Not my fault TJ's came out with this on a non-taco designated week here. Or as I call them, only half-kiddingly, the Week of Sadness.

So for what offlabel purposes did we try spicy taco sauce?

Mostly, on eggs in the morning and stirred into our chili. Why not? Taco sauce is, after all, basically hot sauce. It's thicker, and with more base comes more flavor potential, yes, but really...it's slightly goopier hot sauce.

And ya know what? It works. Really, really well.

There's a lot more to the sauce than just flavor fuego. There's the heat, yes, but also smoke and sweet and tang. Taking a spoonful straight up is like a jousting competition - it's the vinegar then tomatoes then cumin and cayenne back to garlic then over to jalapenos. Another bite, and it'll be all jambled up a different way. It's great. Tasted awesome on the eggs, and since for the sake of our kids we have to make our chili pretty tame, once a good couple squirts got mixed in our bowls...almost perfect. I might have a new chili cheat. Bonus tip: Excellence of cornbread crisps when matched with chili: confirmed. I'd personally love to try the sauce on some homemade mac 'n cheese.

Lots of good stuff going on here. I can't even think of any real complaints. Some with a tamer tongue will probably find the TJ taco sauce too spicy, while those who are super-adventurous may wish it were even spicier...I will admit that the potency decreases somewhat when actually consumed with food. But for a storebrand hot sauce that wishes to be neither too wimpy nor too picante (and certainly not too vinegary!), the TJ's sauce straddles a near perfect line. For only a few bucks a bottle, it can make every night taco night. Even when it isn't.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Organic Spicy taco Sauce: 8.5 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Trader Joe's Apple Cider Jam

Today's sign of the apocalypse: Russ reviewed a pumpkin item before I did, and I'm reviewing the first apple cider product of the year. 

But I certainly don't regret it. Because this stuff's deee-licious.

Yep. There's more to the tastes of fall than just pumpkin spice. And honestly, I was more eager to try this fascinating condiment than any of the new "Pumpkin Joe's" items I've seen so far. Haven't you heard? Apple cider jam is the new cookie butter.

My goodness. Where do I start? It's absolutely bursting with apple bits. Chunky style. It's still quite spreadable, but there's more than enough apple pieces to make it substantial. The syrup is sweet, but not overly so. And it actually tastes like cider, not just apples or apple juice. They really nailed the blend of fall spices if you ask me. Just the smell from the jar alone is enough to make you want to put on flannel and jump in a pile of autumn leaves.

Sonia says it reminds her of the filling in a McDonald's apple pie. Really, my love? I mean, sure, there are apple chunks and golden syrup in both cases, but I'd argue the quality here is head and shoulders above those cardboard-clad fast food confections. Plus, there's not a whole lot in the way of a spice blend there with the Golden Arches' offering.

She's also hung up on the price. $3.99 for a small jar does seem a bit steep. We're going through it fast. Like, it'll be gone somewhere between 24-48 hours after first opening it—which is both a testament to its delectability as well as its diminutiveness. Honestly, I could eat the stuff straight out of the jar with a spoon and be perfectly happy. But this jam really shines when served on toast with a little butter. It turns an ordinary slice of bread into a first-rate fall pastry.

Upon my initial taste, I was really thinking this spread was headed for the Pantheon. Sonia was slightly less enthused. She was torn between three and a half and four stars. I went ahead and selected four on her behalf. I'll throw out four and a half myself. 

Now I'm eagerly awaiting Pear Cinnamon Cider Jam and Honey Crisp Cider Jam.

Bottom line: 8.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Organic Pumpkin Spice Granola Bark

It's mid September.....where's all the pumpkin spice!?!?!?!?

Seems to be a later debut this year for the everything pumpkin spice product glut that routinely churns out in the waning days of summer. It is still summer, technically...but seems like most years the yoga pant and Uggs-clad line at the Starbucks at Target is in its third week of being backed all the way up to the Taylor Swift albums by now. Gotta get those PSLs! Not so much this year...and that's alright by me. Never been a huge pumpkin spice guy, never will be, but will dabble some here and there when something intriguing pops up.

Something like Trader Joe's Organic Pumpkin Spice Granola Bark.

Trader Joe's is chief offender for pumpkin spice productopalooza. I mean, look at every pumpkin spice foodstuff we've reviewed...that's not exhaustive, despite the best efforts of the Rodgers clan and our little growing fam here in Western PA. It's gonna get worse this year, I'm positive, so might us well bite the bullet and get it started.

Better yet, I'll take another bite of the granola bark, please.

It's legitimately good. And serious. This isn't kid stuff or some pseudo-nutro Nature Valley type of deal. I mean, just take a look - big, thick, hefty squares of granola, tightly packed with rolled oats and pureed pumpkin, 75% enrobed in a respectably thick layer of 66% dark chocolate, then sprinkled with big ol' roasted pepitas. Each bite is dense, thick, stiff, chewy...don't be like me and accidentally swallow a small unchewed shard, cuz it HURTS. But the granola is very satisfying to gnaw on, and once it settles in your belly, it'll keep ya full.

Even the pumpkin spice accents are a nice touch. I finally figured out that it's the cloves that can make or break a pumpkin spice product - a little too much is way too much. Here, the cloves seem nicely balanced with the ginger and cinnamon and nutmeg to add a nice little warming glow to the otherwise slightly sweetened granola. Earthy oats and all, with a little maple syrup for sweetness, a little spice sprinkled in...it works, nicely. A little more cinnamon would be appreciated but not necessary.

The flaw, albeit minor, is the interplay of the dark chocolate and pumpkin spice. They've always seemed odd bedfellows...the two don't jive for me. Must be a popular enough combo for most folks, but it's a little confusing to my taste...is it supposed to be sweet or savory? The answer's probably both, but the two competing essences cancel enough of each other out to leave it somewhere in the middle.

Oh well. Sandy and I have enjoyed this purchase and I'm sure we'll pick it up a couple more times until pumpkin spice season goes back into hibernation in a couple months. For $3.99 for a respectable sized bag, it's not a bad deal. Good snack, and in a pinch could be used as a morning psuedo breakfast with some coffee and maybe some yogurt or an apple or something. Not bad for our first foray this year.

Bottom line: trader Joe's Organic Pumpkin Spice Granola Bark: 7.5 out of 10 Golden Spoons