Well wouldn't you know it? Trader Joe's Heart Shaped Pasta is back just in time for V.D. season! What's V.D. season, you ask? Valentine's Day, of course. What were you thinking? Get your mind out of the gutter.
Anyhoo, it's real Italian artisan pasta that's shaped like little hearts. Apparently, it's fairly difficult to find heart-shaped pasta for under three bucks..? I don't know, personally. It's not like I was seeking it out. It was just there on the shelf at Trader Joe's screaming, "Review me! Review me!" So here we are...
I mean, the pasta is decent. If boiled correctly, it comes out tender but firm, you know—al dente if you wanna get all authentically Italian and stuff. Of course, you'll need some sauce and maybe some grated parmesan to make it a meal. If you want to go the whole nine yards, you might throw in some meatballs or garlic bread and maybe a nice bottle of cabernet. Whatever floats your boat. I'm sure this isn't the first time you've made pasta for dinner.
I don't find this product to be head and shoulders better than any other ordinary pasta. I mean, it's pretty normal in the flavor department if you ask me. The colors are kind of pinkish and off-white. They're not particularly vivid, especially after cooking them. But if we wanted neon pink and red food, we'd be shopping somewhere other than Trader Joe's and buying stuff with chemical dyes, right? This stuff is colored with tomato and beet powder.
It's cute I guess. Pick up a pack, gentlemen, if you want to keep your ladies happy for the Hallmark holiday. Or if you're single, make some for yourself. Your tears of loneliness can salt the boiling water.
$2.49 for a pound of V.D. pasta. Product of Italy. Three and a half stars a piece from Sonia and me for Trader Joe's Italian Artisan Heart Shaped Pasta.
These are just crispy little bite-sized snacks...with absolutely nothing inside. I mean, I wasn't expecting a filling per se. I just thought there'd be more to them. The outer shells are super duper thin and crispy, and inside there's nothing but air. They're totally hollow.
Despite the crispness and crunchiness, both Sonia and I thought the product tasted and felt stale. Something about the durum wheat felt stiff in an off-putting way—almost like plastic—and the little pillows tended to shatter in such a way that sharp, angular pieces wanted to break off and stab the inside of our mouths and lips.
I was okay with the flavor, although the pizza coating could have been a lot stronger. Sonia felt they were bland overall, lacking the taste of Italian spices or cheese. We both agree there's very little that justifies putting the word "pizza" on the label.
In summary, Trader Joe's Baked Pizza Flavored Pillow Crisps are an odd whisper of tomato powder and salt on a hollow tube of stiff semolina and most definitely will not be on our list of repeat purchases. Trader Giotto would never have let this happen. $1.99 for the bag. Product of Italy. Two stars from Sonia. Two and a half stars from me.
They need to put a huge disclaimer on the front of this package that says THESE TAKE TEN HOURS TO PREPARE. Culinary dummies like me don't take things like proofing into account, generally. Yes, we've reviewed similar products before that required proofing, but I didn't remember it took so much time. Traderjoes.com says you need to proof them "like a bakery would." Newsflash, TJ's: I don't run a bakery. I can barely toast a slice of bread correctly.
Also, our house is cold, arctic vortex and all. The kitchen is definitely not in the typical range of what might be considered "room temperature." Fortunately, I found a great reddit thread with alternative ideas for proofing. There was still some ambient heat lingering in the oven from when I heated our Chicken Shawarma Bowl, so I started the proofing process in the semi-warm oven. I waited about four hours and no visible proofing had occurred. Some folks on the thread said that if the product has been in your freezer for a significant amount of time, they won't proof correctly, but fortunately they also said the product is still delicious even if it hasn't risen like it's supposed to.
And you know what? They were absolutely right. These pastries might not have been as puffy as they were intended to be, but they sure did taste good. There's a richness to the bread that's absolutely marvelous, just like Trader Joe's other frozen croissants. The chocolate flavor is velvety and indulgent, sweet but not overly so, and the whole conglomeration is flaky and buttery as can be.
$5.49 for four bakery-quality croissants. Kosher. Would buy again in warmer weather just to try them when proofed correctly. Four and a half stars a piece from Sonia and me for Trader Joe's Double Chocolate Croissants.
