Trader Joe's Fresh Mozzarella Cheese Sticks

As a young bachelor, I wasn't much into eating cheese by itself. It just never appealed to me. I was fine with cheese on sandwiches, pasta, pizza, and other stuff—you know, the usual suspects. But as a married man, I've learned to live with a woman who almost always has cheese on hand in our fridge—and not just slices of cheese or shredded cheese, but variants of cheese that were designed to be eaten as stand-alone snacks: those little wheels of Babybel, for example and, of course, various brands of string cheese like Frigo or Polly-O.

At this point, I should pause and clarify something that most of you probably realize already: this is not string cheese. Foodie-hack that I am, I tore into one thinking it was. As I removed the entire plastic sleeve, I wondered why there was so much liquid surrounding the cheese, now spilling out of the packaging and onto my pants and the floor. Then I proceeded to grip the top of the cheese stick and pull down in a peeling motion. Not only did the cheese not peel as anticipated, but a little disc of it wanted to separate from the top in an unexpected way. I popped the little piece into my mouth and immediately realized: this product isn't like other cheap sticks of string cheese that kids constantly crave. This product is far more akin to those expensive mozzarella balls that cost something like $6 or $7 at the supermarket—the kind that's simple, subtle, and super gourmet.

Indeed, these are quality mozzarella balls in stick form. They're cheese sticks for a more refined palate. I'm not saying your kids won't like them. I'm just saying that if they do, they've got refined tastes. I've had some top-shelf mozzarella at county fairs and arts festivals, and for $4 at Trader Joe's, this product isn't a far cry from those other upscale offerings.

It's a clean, light, milky flavor that will be perfect for warmer weather. 

These sticks aren't heavy, gooey, or overpowering in any way. They're super soft, too. There are delightfully few ingredients. I could see them working well in antipasto, or pairing with olives, tomatoes, bruschetta, or any other Italian foods with subtle flavors, but I must admit they make pretty satisfying snacks just by themselves. Sonia's a bit more of a cheese connoisseur than I am, and she enjoys these even more than I do.

If you like the subtle flavors of fresh mozzarella and ever wanted to enjoy them in a convenient, snackable form, this isn't a bad purchase at all. Four and a half stars from my better half. Three and a half stars from me.

Bottom line: 8 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Garlic Salt with Grinder

Let's see...

Sea salt.

Roasted garlic.

Onion.

Ampersand.

Parsley.

In a grinder tube.

That's all, that's it. That's all it is and there ain't no mo'.

It's so simple. It's almost too simple, some might say. But somehow, Trader Joe's Garlic Salt with Grinder is bordlerine magic.

I'm not sure what the sorcery behind this is. Maybe it's extra salty and delicious sea salt, because that comes on strong. Or perhaps it's extra roasty and pleasantly pungent garlic. I mean, open the cap and it'll smack ya upside the olfactories. That garlic permeates every sprinkle of every bite. Maybe it's the onion and parsely helping give the salt and garlic a solid base that holds it all in near perfect harmony. Maybe it's perfect ratios. Maybe it's the grinder making perfectly sized granules that have a little crunch and got dispersed all over whatever.

Maybe it's all of the above.

And listen...typically I'm not a "put salt on everything" kinda guy. Added salt is, to put it mildly, generally not good for you. My day job consists partially of reading and evaluating cardiac patient medical notes...and over and over again: No salt diet. Patient advised to restrict salt intake. Low sodium diet encouraged. And so on and so on.

But everything in moderation, right? And if you're gonna sprinkle more salt on your dinner or whatever, make sure it's a good one!

I want to put this on everything. I discovered this garlic salt grinder at a dinner with friends a few nights ago. Plain cheese pizza...good but not great. Grind some of this TJ's garlic salt on though? Transformative! Since then, I've used some on veggies, eggs, quiche, cous cous. I've thought of making garlic bread with it. About the only thing it didn't taste good on was some homemade coconut ice cream my kids made...but even that wasn't as awful as it sounds. Not recommended though for sure.

I love it. Sandy loves it. Everyone who tried it loved it at the dinner - it was the absolute hit. There's something magic here, I swear. And for $1.99 it ain't a bad price either. It's just that simple.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Garlic Salt with Grinder: 9 out of 10 Golden Spoons 

Trader Joe's Organic Coconut Almond Chia Cereal

Just as in childhood, there are subtle yet unmistakable steps of maturation in adulthood, right? Or at least, definite benchmarks of getting old. Like...

...realizing your bald spot is, in fact, pretty bald.

...waking up and being sore for no apparent reason.

...turning down the volume while blasting '90s music alone in your car because it's "too loud."

...realizing the only reason why you're listening to Pearl Jam is because only God knows what the kids are listening to these days but my goodness it sounds like garbage. Drake? Post Malone? Cardi B? Who are these people?  Are they people? Or robots? Because robots make music these days. Crazy.

And most pertinent to this review: realizing that some cereal tastes much better without any added sugar.

Such is the case with Trader Joe's Organic Coconut Almond Chia Cereal.

That's a lot of natural goodness here. The inherent earthy graininess of the flakes. Tasty toasty almond slivers. Light coconut flavor all abound. If anything there's a lack of chia seed clusters, at least in the top half of the box thus far...maybe them little buggers worked all their way down.

Listen to me. Complaing about not enough chia seeds in my cereal. I do sound old.

It's tasty, tasty cereal for sure. And I'm not usually a cereal person. The flakes are solid and crunchy enough to be fully submerged in milk and still maintain a high factor of munchitude. Probably, if you're a yogurt and cereal person, this would work. And even adding some banana wouldn't be the worst idea.

My one small complaint, though: When I added milk, some of the bites tasted almost vaguely buttery. I'm wondering if it was the wetness unleashed/embellished some of the coconut and oil a little bit. It's not noticeable when dry, and I didn't taste it as much the second time around...but it was a little weird.

All those grains...and proteins...and fiber...and calories...this is hearty, filling cereal for sure! A few small handfuls killed my hunger for quite some time.

Anyways I mentioned the "tastes worse when sugar added" thing to Sandy, and she gave me one of those "well duh" looks before stating many cereals taste that way. It's worth noting she's almost exactly two years older than me and females mature quicker than males and all that...so I'm catching up, love. But yeah, extra sugar kinda kills off half the good stuff about this cerea. Which is a shame because it's pretty darn good in fact. 4.5 from me, 3.5 from the older, maturer missus.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Organic Coconut Almond Chia Cereal: 8 out of 10 Golden Spoons  

Trader Joe's Organic Spicy Avocado Hummus

If pluots and tangelos are things, why aren't chilicados? I don't care if it's half jalapeno or poblano or whatever. This is something that needs to happen: half avocado, half...any kind of chili pepper hybrids. I'm sure there's some sort of scientific reason it can't be done, or perhaps, less likely, some overly-moralistic vegetable farmer discovered the formula but decided that it wasn't his place to "play God." Well, my faithful friend, I would argue that God gave you those brains and farming skills for a reason, and that no harm could possibly come from crossing spicy chilis and avocados. They'd make delicious salsa, guacamole, sandwich-toppers, and...yes, even hummus. C'mon, Monsanto, what could help your public image more than inventing chilicados?

But until that fateful day arrives, thankfully, we have products like this one to tide us over. It begs comparison to the recently-released Buffalo style variety, but alas, we didn't try that one. We'll just have to take the Shelly family's word for it. I'm a much bigger fan of avocado than I am of Buffalo sauce...so that all worked out quite well.

And it's not just avocado here. It's "spicy avocado." If there's one thing I like more than avocados, it's chilicados—which, of course, don't actually exist yet. But the combo of avocado with jalapeno, cayenne, and black pepper, along with garlic and cumin = win.

Now, on the other hand, if you're looking for spicy guacamole, you're looking in the wrong place. The texture is very smooth and hummussy. It's smoother even, perhaps, than ordinary hummus. It also tastes a great deal like ordinary garbanzo-based hummus, but simply flavored with "avocado pulp" and the aforementioned peppers. That's my only complaint. I love garbanzo beans and traditional hummus, but what makes this product unique is its avocadoiness and spiciness. I wouldn't have minded more avocado and less hummus in the flavor department, but that's a minor complaint. It's an excellent product, so long as you like hummus and spicy avocado.

It works great with toasted pita bread, and it's excellent as a chip dip. Sonia is an avocado enthusiast, and she loves her spice, as well. This product is right up her alley. She, too, wouldn't have complained if there were a little more avocado present, but as is, she's a big fan. She likes that it's organic and that there aren't many ingredients. It'll be her second four and a half star score in a row. I'll throw out four.

Bottom line: 8.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Organic Green Kombucha

Holy snakes....it's St Patty's Day already this weekend? Wow. Kinda snuck up on us here.

So, hate to disappoint as usual, but there just might be a certain dearth of St Patty's day themed reviews. There's some back in the archives though - Irish bangers and the puntastic Blarney scone come to mind - so click on around back there.

Best I can do is a green drink review. Won't be our first. And I've written before about my affinity for kombucha...but have you tried Trader Joe's Organic Green Kombucha?

No?

Seriously, go for it.

I can get the hesitation for picking up this beverage. It's a bit intimidating looking in some ways. I mean, I see the bewilderment in my coworkers' eyes when I have just a regular mango kombucha on my desk at work - but a green one? With this spirulina and chlorella stuff, whatever that is? That's just kinda weird, it seems, for most people.

Not me. I love the green kombucha. I go back and forth between different companies, different flavors, etc...but I always come back to this one. I'll admit the first time I bought it, it was with low expectations, which were wrong.

Like other greenish drinks, the prevailing flavor here is actually apple. But not green apple, it's more a general apple apple. That's a good call - sour, acidic green apple taste with an already sour fermented base drink would likely be a little much. So instead of adding to the sour bite, the applem flavor actually balances and enhances it somewhat, making for a smooth, relatively mellow flavor.

And like any good kombucha, there's a bit of ginger in there too. Gotta love that ginger bite. It definitely plays second fiddle to the apple but it's undoubtedly there.

Plus: spirulina. It's good for you.  And chlorella too. Who cares it's seaweed? I certainly don't.

Really, I have nothing bad to say about this kombucha whatsoever. Fantastic stuff. And at $2.69 a bottle, it's pretty reasonably priced for a quality organic kombucha - it certainly won't set you back a pot of gold. If you haven't tried it go for it, it's almost perfect.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Organic Green Kombucha: 9 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Trader Joe's Milk Chocolate & Honey Toffee Pecans

I mentioned a few posts ago that Lemon Lunacy should be added to Mango Mania and Coffeepalooza as another seasonal Trader Joe's flavor extravaganza. Well, on that same note, I guess Toffeepalooza wouldn't be a bad idea either. We're going on 8 or 9 product reviews with the word "toffee" displayed prominently in the title of the product, and a number of others where toffee ingredients or flavors were featured noticeably in the offering but failed to make top billing for one reason or another.

So when I heard about these morsels, it made me wonder why we needed one more toffee-based candy on the shelves of Trader Joe's. Despite its newfangledness and potential buzzworthiness, I might have even passed over it entirely. However, Sonia snagged a bag on her latest TJ's shopping adventure at our old stomping grounds right in the heart of Hollyweird, California.

She was no doubt influenced by the simple, eye-catching honeycomb pattern and stylish font on the bag. Graphic designers are so easily swayed by attractive package design. <sigh> Just because it looks good doesn't mean it is good. Case in point: that "glamorous" Oscars show some of you might have watched the other night is filmed right in the middle of a giant perpetual freak show...and it hasn't gotten any less bizarre since we lived there.

But Sonia's instincts were right again. Unlike Hollyweird, this product lives up to its chic veneer. Upon opening the bag, there's a delightful chocolatey smell that wafts out from the package, with hints of the titular honey and toffee as well. The candies are markedly larger than most pecan nuts, ostensibly because they're coated in so much chocolate and toffee. Most pieces are perfectly bite-sized, but the largest ones are surprisingly grandiose, resembling palm-sized stones, rather than mere pebbles—easily big enough for multiple bites.

The taste is exactly like the smell: full of sweet milk chocolate, honey, and toffee, but with plenty of nutty pecan flavor, too. They're crunchy by virtue of the nuts and toffee, but not unpleasantly hard or brittle. Honestly, they're addictive. There's a resealable zipper at the top of the bag, but if you break this bad boy open in a group of four or more people, there's a good chance you'll never get to use it.

If the title sounds appealing to you and you're a fan of all the constituent ingredients, I can't imagine you'll be too disappointed by this product. Toffee and chocolate aren't really my snacks of choice, but I was once again pleasantly surprised. Double fours once more.

Bottom line: 8 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Organic Watermelon Jerky

What is the sound of one hand clapping?

If a tree falls in the forest but no one hears it, does it make a sound?

What came first, reality TV infamy or the Kardashians?

All of these are unanswerable questions. Meditate on them night and day, and just maybe you'll have an answer...but all of these are timeless mysteries for a reason.

What is watermelon, though, without water?

One could seek out your local friendly mountaintop Zen master...or whip out a food dehydrator and give yourself about a week or so...

...or as of about right now you can head down to everyone here's favorite grocery shop, plop down $3.69, and buy yourself a bag of Trader Joe's Organic Watermelon Jerky.

That's right. Watermelon. In jerky form. As in a famously watery fruit, highly sought after for its thirstquenching glory, dried and flattened and rolled up so as to eliminate any trace of a drop of some high quality H2O.

Listen, I'm about as baffled as you. Or I was. I first heard about this weeks ago and called every other day since then...but there were rollout delays, then weather issues, then...well, finally, I snagged four bags and couldn't wait to rip one open to behold this magical arid fibrous fruit wonder. Waited so long....

It's odd stuff, for sure. It's unquestionably a very concentrated watermelon flavor, as one might expect. It's not as intense as I anticipated, but I'm glad TJ's didn't go the added sugars route. It's just watermelon sans water.

Interesting tidbit from the bag bottom:

Wow! If I'm doing my math right, the end product is about 1/34th its original weight, and is about three quarts of water extracted. Watermelon was hitting that Lasix hard. 

All well and good, but what about the texture? How does it actually work?

The melon jerky is kinda stiff, fibrous, and a little sticky. Both bags I have opened thus far have had all the pieces clumped all together necessitating them to be plied apart carefully. I lack any better way to explain it than saying, imagine a thin, dense sponge that got baked dry. That probably sounds more awful then I intend it you, but there's a surprising amount of chew to it. It's not as much as a jerky from a regular source, but still. There's not too many seeds in the jerky either - I think I've seen maybe only two or three per bag, and they meld in well enough with the rest of the product.

When all said and done, though, I'm not sure how much I actually truly like the watermelon jerky. There's an absolute novelty factor at work, which hit me with some initial marvel, but once it wore off, I was just eating weirdly dry waterlessmelon. I've heard it said that watermelon jerky could be considered a vegan alternative to regular jerky - well, if that's your thing, go for it, but that's a bit of a stretch to me.

I brought some into work to share, and most reviews were pretty friendly. The melon jerky definitely made for some odd reactions and some flatout rejections...but most were positive.

My final call is, if you like watermelon and novel snackage, the jerky is worth at least one try. Worst comes to worst, you can do TJ's no-hassle return policy - but I doubt it'd come to that. I don't know...double fours? That's as much juice as I can squeeze here for these edible contradictions.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Organic Watermelon Jerky: 8 out of 10 Golden Spoons.

Trader Joe's Cinnamon Croissant Loaf

If you love loaves of cinnamon bread and you have an affinity for soft, fresh croissants...

then reach for a piece of Trader Joe's Organic Watermelon Jerky!

LOL! That wouldn't make any sense, now would it? Besides, watermelon jerky isn't real...

What I meant to say is: "then reach for Trader Joe's Cinnamon Croissant Loaf!" 

It's apparently the illegitimate lovechild of one stupid, steamy night between a loaf of frisky cinnamon bread and a sultry croissant. I don't want to get into the logistics of that whole thing, nor do I want to be too judgy...but just suffice it to say that it's a beautiful mistake—a happy accident, if you will.

On its own, the bread is nothing to write home about. It's croissant-ish, but wants to be warmed up even more than a traditional croissant. There's some cinnamon flavor, but it's not overbearing, and it's not really sweet, either. Also, it's just not quite flaky enough straight out of the bag. 

Toasted with butter, on the other hand, this product is simply scrumptious. It's all the deliciousness of a croissant with all the convenience of sliced bread. The melt-in-your-mouth factor increases exponentially when toasted or warmed, as well. It's still not really sweet on its own, so just sprinkle a little extra sugar on top for killer cinnamon toast.

We read online that people were making French toast from this stuff. I twisted Sonia's arm into making some for me since French toast is above my pay-grade as far as culinary endeavors are concerned. It was worth every ounce of effort Sonia put into it. Simply delish with some nice sweet syrup. Hey, I did my part, too. I made sure the dogs didn't eat any when the wifey put the finished product on the table. 

Let's see: they've done cinnamon croissant bread and pancake bread so far. What's next? Waffle bread? Bacon and eggs bread? Cereal bread? Those zany product developers always keep us on our toes.

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Crispy Vegetable Pouches

Who wrote the rule book that says bite-size little fried dealies have to be served before the main course of a meal? Why do salads have to be eaten before the main course? Why dessert after?

Just to spit in the face of such tyrannical traditions, I've eaten appetizers as the main course of my meal as often as I have had the opportunity to do so. I've also eaten desserts first and salads last...because I'm a rebel like that. I've upset many a waitress pulling such stunts, which, incidentally, is why I don't eat out very often anymore. Except Cracker Barrel. We eat there a lot...because they let us stay overnight in their parking lot. And even then we don't eat in the restaurant, but we get take-out and we eat at the dinette in the RV, where I'm not likely to upset our server with my unorthodox dining practices like consuming those tasty biscuits at the end of the meal rather than the beginning.

All that to say: it just goes to show you how woke TJ's is—they specify on the side of the box that this extremely appetizer-esque product can be served "as a light entree." Right on. Free the app. Free the app from its predetermined role on the dinner table. Let it be whatever it wants to be. Free your mind first. Then free the app.

So free the app we did when we had these as our main course for dinner the other night.

They're basically crispy little egg rolls, but served in a different configuration. They contain many of the same ingredients as a typical egg roll, all rolled up into a mini pouch-shaped wonton, with a funky little flower-like bundle at the top. The veggies have a nice flavor, with plenty of oomph from the spice blend, which includes garlic, ginger, and salt. They might even be a little too salty with the soy sauce already added to the vegetables. 

That was Sonia's main complaint: there was no dipping sauce included. I wish they'd have refrained from adding soy sauce to the product itself and left a little packet on the side. Yes, yes, I know...more packaging is bad for the environment. But at least we could have administered the amount of soy sauce of our own choosing. These probably would have been killer with a bit of sweet chili sauce, too.

There's not quite enough in the package to serve as the main course for two people. It says there are 2.5 servings in there, but that's if they're acting as an appetizer, methinks. I probably could have polished off the whole pack myself. We ate it with a little leftover catfish from Cracker Barrel, and that worked out nicely. Southern-Asian fusion isn't a thing as far as I know, but perhaps it should be.

Sonia gives these vegetable pouches four stars. I give 'em three and a half.

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Organic Honey Hedgehog Cookies

What does hedgehog meat taste like? 

We know they're "organic," but were these hedgehogs raised free-range? Were they grass-fed? What part of the hedgehog was used in the making of these morsels? Ribs? Thighs?

You'll not find the answers to these questions in the following review. But I will say that Trader Joe's neglected to list "hedgehog" in the ingredients. Perhaps, like Sonic, they were too fast to catch, and were thus pardoned from becoming ingredients in their namesake cookies. Man, was I was a Sonic the Hedgehog junkie back in the day. And I knew a girl with a hedgehog for a pet in college. Funny little animals. They eat mealworms and take dust baths. If goldfish, bears, and cats can have snacks named after them, why not hedgehogs?

Even lacking hedgehog as an ingredient, as they stand, these vegetarian (not vegan) little crunchy cookies are still quite edible. There's plenty of honey flavor, and the "cultured butter" adds a nice little tangy zip to the sweetness.

They're not unlike Teddy Grahams or regular honey graham crackers, but there's just a slight bit more complexity in the flavors here. I like them. Sonia thinks they're like Barnum's Animals but with even higher quality. 

Texture-wise, they're crispy, crunchy, and buttery. Each pack contains just the right amount of cookies to curb an average case of the afternoon munchies, or they could make a great "dessert" for a lunch box meal in the middle of a work or school day.

$2.99 for six 1 oz. baggies. There are about nine hedgehogs in each bag—the perfect serving size if you ask me.

Also, these hedgehogs are cute, both on the packaging and the cookies themselves. The kids'll love 'em...both the four-year-old kind and the 40-year-old kind.

Once again, Sonia and I will put up matching sets of four stars each on this product.

Bottom line: 8 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Chocolat En Croute

Call me jaded, but when I see "Chocolat En Croute," I assume it's just a gimmick. Crusty chocolate, eh? You expect us to pay $6.49 for a loaf of crusty chocolate, TJ's? I was wholly disinterested. 

Fortunately, Sonia didn't see it that way, and she picked one up before we left the San Antonio area. We needed backup review items for our long journey across western Texas and southern New Mexico. There aren't any Trader Joe's between San Antonio, TX and Tucson, AZ along the I-10 corridor. That's almost 900 miles and 13 hours of driving without a TJ's. We could have taken a detour up to Albuquerque and made a TJ's run there, but that's six hours round trip off our plotted course. So we just stocked up and headed west.

So that means this box has been sliding around our little Norcold RV freezer for over a thousand miles. It was noticeably banged up, but still mostly intact. I photoshopped the worst parts of the package. Did anybody notice?

Nope? Good. 

"So why review this product now?" you wonder. Well, Valentine's Day (VD) is right around the corner, and this is among the items that Trader Joe's is promoting as a VD treat. Now that I've tried it, not only will I not argue with that assertion, I'll wholeheartedly plug this dessert as an ideal gift for your sweetheart.

If your significant other is a chocolate person, but you don't want to go that same old, tired "box of chocolates" route, this is a great alternative. It's bursting with rich dark-ish chocolate taste, but it's also got flaky, buttery crust, almonds, and a delicious, creamy frangipane—reminiscent of amaretto. I don't often read the individual product write-ups on traderjoes.com because they tend to influence my opinions and scores, but I love the description of this dessert on Trader Joe's own website—particularly the line that calls it a "gorgeous, Paris-pâtisserie-worthy pastry." Couldn't have said it better myself.

It's a top-shelf quality product that's almondy, chocolatey, creamy, and bready. I'd buy it again for VD or any special occasion—or just dessert on an ordinary day. Pleasant surprise with this one. Put us down for four stars a piece.  

Brie, turkey, and now chocolate. What will TJ's stick in a pastry crust next? Mango? Cookie butter? Coffee? Your guess is as good as mine.

Bottom line: 8 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Candy Coated Chocolate Peanuts

Some TJ's trips are just about perfect.

Last week, I had literally a five minute window to run in and track down the new sunflower butter cups in case Nathan didn't snag them for a review. Spoiler: he did. I ain't mad, bro, you were spot on.

I went right inside...and first thing I saw: BAM. The cups, right on a checkout display. Cheap for only 99 cents! I grabbed eight...you know...for science. Even the sweet uplifting and very situationally appropriate anthem of the ages came right on the store radio. Of course I'm talking about Belinda Carlisle's "Heaven is a Place on Earth". Got waved over to the nearest and empitest checkout line, struck up a nice convo as usual with the cashier, happened to mention my love of anything tangentially related to chocolate and peanut butter...

...and got these apparently brand new Trader Joe's Candy Coated Chocolate Peanuts for exactly $free.99. That's right, on the house, as a gift from said cashier, because apparently I can be somewhat likeable in real life, at least occasionally. Score.

So I got to enjoy the sunflower cups without the pressure of the review and focus my critical tongue squarely on these newish nutty M&M knockoffs. Really, there's not much more that can be said. There's only so many ways to get a peanut, coat it in milk chocolate, and put a candy shell on it, right? This isn't a novel concept in the least.

Basically, yes, but these TJ's nutty buddies taste at least a little different than the tried and true American classic. There's almost a little more freshness here, with the chocolate tasting perhaps a bit brighter, if that makes sense. It's probably just a little more sugar, but the chocolate here strikes me as being of a slightly better quality. Maybe it's just the TJ's label messing with me - I think most of their chocolate products as being a notch or two above - but I swear it's different and by that I definitely mean tastier.

There's a few other small differences, to be sure. Like no artificial coloring! That's also welcome. Why use some Red 40 when some good ol' beet or cabbage juice can do the trick instead? It's almost like eating salad then too, right? Right?

I enjoyed the chocolate peanut candies for sure, and would buy again for a quick little snacky if the need so arose. I'd probably go for those sunflower seed cups first, but for a consolation prize and a little unexpected bonus, these are a sure thing. My only wish is there'd be some sort of little twist on them somehow, like an added flavor or something kinda funky...oh well.  Just 99 cents for a generous two serving bag, or if you're selfish like me, one big serving that you don't share with your wife. Gonna double my score and make it up to her for sure.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Candy Coated Chocolate Peanuts: 8 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Trader Joe's Dark Chocolate Sunflower Seed Butter Cups

Obviously not a direct imitation of Reese's, these sunny yellow butter cups from Trader Joe's still beg comparison to the king of all chocolate-nut butter combos.

Texture-wise, they're nearly identical, but with perhaps slightly firmer chocolate and slightly thinner nut butter. Any discrepancies are negligible. Everybody might've guessed that. And everybody would probably be right.

It's the flavor that's so delightfully different—and yet not so different that it tastes like something odd, unfamiliar, or unpleasant in any way.  

Years ago, we looked at sunflower seed butter just by itself. I was a big fan. Still am, though I can't say we've purchased it regularly since that review. I described that flavor as "mild, slightly earthy, nutty, and smooth" back then, and that description still stands as far as the filling in these cups is concerned. It's also moderately sweet.

The dark chocolate is pretty typical for Trader Joe's candy-esque fare that we've seen throughout the years. It's rich and full of cocoa flavor and blends pretty well with sunflower seed butter. The overall effect is satisfying and delicious, and there's this vague notion that you're eating something just a little more sophisticated, exotic, and adventurous than a classic Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. 

If you're thinking these might be a "healthy alternative" to traditional peanut butter cups, I'm not saying you're wrong, since TJ's ingredients seem to lack preservatives and artificial stuff, plus there might be more antioxidants in the chocolate here—but fat and calorie-wise, the numbers are comparable. You're still not eating diet food with these sunflower seed butter cups. And that's perfectly okay, particularly if you're only consuming them in moderation...right?

Since peanuts are one of the eight most common food allergens, this product might be a dream come true for those with sensitivities to peanuts. Also see: Justin's Almond Butter Cups. We've tried those from Target, and they're pretty good, but they're usually something like three times the price of this Trader Joe's offering. At 99 cents, it's hard to walk past the checkout stand without considering grabbing a pack or two.

I say give 'em a whirl. Four stars a piece from Sonia and me.

Bottom line: 8 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Pancake Bread

Currently, my kids are obsessed with the movie The Greatest Showman. It's the music, I think, as evidenced by them commanding Alexa to play the soundtrack essentially nonstop. It's a good movie - I've always been a Hugh Jackman fan (who isn't?) and as much as ten-years-ago me would mock current me for saying it, Zac Efron got some talent. If you're not familiar, it's the story of PT Barnum and how he built his circus empire. One of his tricks: kinda massaging the truth a little, to kinda hoodwink the paying customer a little. Like, for instance, having the "world's tallest man" already be an abnormally tall guy, but then putting him on stilts. Or having the "world's largest man" shove a few pillows under his clothes for a little dramatic effect. In a way, it's kinda an innocent playful deception, which most people knew but were willing to be lured in any way by the show and spectacle of it.

All this brings me to Trader Joe's Pancake Bread.

In a world full of carbo-crossovers, most involving pretzels or crosissants (but never pretzels AND croissants - c'mon now!), we now have this. Pancakes and bread, together, in perfect harmony, right? How did it take so long for this to be a thing?

Be honest though. Close your eyes. Forget the label that says "pancake bread." Take a taste. Does it really taste like pancakes? Really? Be honest.

To me, nah. Blindfolded, I'd say it tastes more like a soft cinnamon bread than anything else. All the crumblies on top is more brown sugar, etc than anything else. To be fair, there is a maple essence as well. It's soft and crumbly and a little moist and definitely, and not more rugged or dense like a banana bread. The bread makes an excellent snack, a quick breakfast, would be delicios warmed or eaten straight from the container...but it's more bread than a pancake.

Slap the name "Pancake Bread" on it....okay, now that it's been suggested, I can see it.

Of course, if it were to be named "Soft Cinnamon Maple Bread", while being more apt a descriptor, that's not nearly as exciting. I mean, it'd take me years to buy it probably. But embellish the truth a smidge in some backroom marketing meeting, call it pancake bread - voila! Take the world by storm!

This is why I don't work in marketing.

For the record, Sandy disagrees with me. "It tastes just like a pancake with a lot of syrup kinda drenched in," she said. It should be noted that she enjoys her pancakes with a small puddle of syrup on the side which she daintily dips her pancake bites in, so she'd know what a syrup-logged pancake would actually taste and feel like is beyond me. Other online reviews I've seen claim the TJ's pancake bread tastes just like a buttermilk pancake. I can see where it's all coming from, but it's overstating the facts in my lonesome, sure to be unpopular opinion.

Regardless, the pancakesque loaf is delicious and kinda intoxicating in its carby-comfort ways. I love it. I just wish it were more honest with itself. If Hugh Jackman PT Barnum can, so can this bread, right? My only downvote is for the slight deception of purported pure pancakeyness.  Matching fours from the wife and me.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Pancake Bread: 8 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Trader Joe's Pistachio Gelato

If one having a mustache is "mustachioed," then is one having a pistachio, or pistachio-flavored product, "pistachioed"?

If so, then neither Sonia nor I have been pistachioed in a while. 

We've had plenty of gelato here and there, particularly Talenti, which, incidentally, is the brand Trader Joe's is emulating so obviously with this plastic jar of gelato. We love those jars. Long after the delicious product has been consumed, they can be used for storage, or even for cereal or beverages. So convenient. Like a souvenir cup with every purchase. And once it's outlived its usefulness, right in the recycling bin it goes.

But it's been a hot minute since I've partaken in a pistachio-flavored frozen dessert of any kind. And we're reviewing the food product, not the packaging, right?

Fortunately, the food within the jar outshines the jar itself—even with that sexy, green Starbucks-like emblem. The flavor, to me, is immediately recognizable as pistachio. It's nutty and sweet—but not too sweet. There's a good bunch of pistachio pieces scattered evenly throughout the gelato, and they blend so perfectly, I can't imagine a better nut to dairy ratio.

Sonia thought she tasted coconut just as much as pistachio. If I eat the product with that in mind, I guess I can see what she's talking about. Coconut oil is one of the main ingredients, and coconut and pistachio are actually very similar, dessert-like, nutty flavors if you think about it. They're both right up there with peanuts, pecans, and almonds as far as tasty nuts (and legumes) you might want to throw in a pie...or cake...or ice cream.

And the texture is just what you want a gelato to be—very similar to ice cream but denser, thicker. It's best when you eat it nice and cold, but not frozen solid. It's gotta be riiight when the outer edges of the gelato are getting slightly drippy—right when it's stiff, but slightly pliable, so you can appreciate both its heaviness and its delicateness.

I, for one, think it's a very tasty product and would happily purchase it again. Sonia liked it as well, although she'd like to see whole pistachios in the mix, rather than bits. We're aware TJ's has at least one other flavor of this Talenti-esque gelato...Caramel Cookie Crunch, which was unavailable at the time we purchased this jar. Perhaps that's another review for another day...stay tuned.

Four stars a piece on this pistachioed product.

Bottom line: 8 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Mushroom & Company Multipurpose Umami Seasoning Blend

First and foremost...Happy New Year everyone! Here's to hoping your 2019 will be full of enough golden spoons to make it pantheon worthy.

Second off...umami. It's a word that's always been a little full of mystery for me. It's a word to describe a taste along with salty, sweet, bitter or sour, all of which I feel I have a basic grasp.

But umami? Please. I had my suspicions that Google confirmed: it just means savory. That's all. It's goofy to me, using a word then immediately having to include a much easier to grasp definition. Why can't we just call it "savory" and skip the whole "umami" deal? Granted, it's more fun to say, and makes me feel a little sophisticated, but still. In the food description family, umami is the hoity-toity cousin that tries just a little too hard to stick out.

All this to say if anyone ever asks you what "umami" tastes like, for whatever reason, it wouldn't be a bad idea to pick up Trader Joe's Mushroom & Company Multipurpose Umami Seasoning Blend.

It's, well....savory. Duh. But there's quite a bit going on here too. There's a good salty bite, but also a little spice, a little heat, a little herby earthy type vibe...and comfort. It tastes like comfort. Like a warm broth washing over all the ills of the world. There's just something extra to it. Maybe somehow it's the mushroom powder, as I have no idea what it really does, but man, it's there. It's something to really kinda experience instead of being easily describable.

Except maybe in this regard: it tastes like what makes chicken soup good. Or a good gravy. Or some nicely roasted meat. Or...stuff like that. I can somehow only think of the seasoning through a carnivore lens, though I'm sure it'd work on veggies and potato soup and all that kinda stuff too.

My only complaint is it seems a lot has to be used to make the flavor really noticeable. We made some New Years pork roast that I had to shake a bit much of this on top to really release the umami tsunami. Eh well. No matter. More comfort, one shake at a time.

No real complaints. It'll be a pantry staple as long as TJ's can be bothered to carry it, which will hopefully be all of this year. That'd really make 2019 one to savor.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Mushroom & Company Multipurpose Umami Seasoning Blend: 9 out of 10 Golden Spoons.

Trader Joe's Rolled Corn Tortilla Chips - Chili & Lime Flavored

TJ's takes on takis!

Well, there's an easy headline, right?

I wish I were more familiar with takis, to be honest. But I'm not. And to write this review, I thought I'd track some down and make a side to side comparison, as would only be right. But Christmas and a slow moving stomach bug happened, and there's deadlines to meet and an audience which I can only feebly attempt to appease in my current state, so here we go, a review straight on of Trader Joe's Rolled Corn Tortilla Chips - Chili & Lime Flavored.

Whooooo boy.

There's no other way to say it: these TJ takis might be the most potently flavored item I've ever tried from TJ's. From the first bite, they do not mess around one bit. Holy smokes, wow.

Most chili lime seasonings are kinda subtle, with maybe a little touch of lime or heat. That's so not the case here. Some of the chips stray more towards lime, whereas others are more chili-fied, but both flavors smack around your tastebuds and leave you begging for mercy. You have to love lime to like these - imagine the citrusy sourness of a bag of Sour Patch Kids being condensed down to a small handful of chips, with no sugary balance to sweeten things out after the inital touch. That's what these rolly pollies are like.

Except them there's decent, smoky chili spiciness that then comes in. My tongue was so discombobulated after all the lime that it was tough to discern if it was more or less than a typical chili chip. I'd say the chips stray a lot more towards lime than chili, Sandy says it depends on the chip. But whichever way it tilts, be assured: it'll pack a punch.

Add to all this the super crunchiness of a crisply rolled tortilla chip. There's so many layers of crunch! It's fun! No wonder people love takis. These TJ's ones aren't terribly greasy or anything aside from being a little messy from all the seasoning. Super snacky until the flavor overwhelms you.

I'm hoping these rolled chips will become a staple at TJ's. I want more flavors too - a cinnamon and sugar one would be FANTASTIC. I'd buy those by the case, and I'm tempted to do that here as well. Really, no complaints. I'm impressed, really, as is Sandy. Really darn good all the way around.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Rolled Corn Tortilla Chips - Chili & Lime Flavored: 9 out of 10 Golden Spoons 

Trader Joe's Gingerbread Spice Granola

Ah, gingerbread. This product looks festive and has a gingerbread man-shaped, see-through window on the packaging. A product worthy of a Christmas Eve Day blog post, no doubt. Let's dive right in.

I'm not sure if I'm the odd man out here, but I don't recall having gingerbread much as a kid. No gingerbread cookies or actual gingerbread men. Certainly no gingerbread cereal. I feel like gingerbread may have been more European, or perhaps just characteristic of older generations. Maybe late Gen X'ers were too spoiled by tooth-rotting sugar cookies and chocolate to honor the natural zing of ginger. I'm trying to appreciate it more and more in my old age, especially since ginger provides a long laundry list of health benefits.

Now, we've definitely seen Trader Joe's overdo the ginger in the past. Another granola cereal comes to mind as far as that goes. Of course, there are plenty of you out there that crave those blasts of raw ginger. And plenty of you who don't. Each to his own, right?

Then one foggy Christmas Eve, Nathan came to say: this product has the best balance of actual ginger flavor and brown sugary sweetness that we've seen from TJ's to date...at least in cerealized form. Sonia gobbled it down faster than any other cereal in recent memory. Usually she lets her cereal soggify well beyond any reasonable duration of time, allowing the crunchy bits to deteriorate into a porridge-like consistency, treating all crispy and crunchy cereals more like cold oatmeals. Not sure why. This one, I'm pretty sure there was still some crunch left in the granola when she finished her bowl. That's a testament to how much she appreciated it.

I liked it, too. The ingredients are top quality, and make sense for a semi-indulgent breakfast treat. Oats, brown rice syrup, cane sugar, pecans, candied ginger, cinnamon, just to name a few. We haven't tried it warm yet, but I'm sure it's just as good. Nor have we tried it as a yogurt-topper or anything similarly adventurous. We've just been having it for breakfast every day now for about three days in a row and are just about to polish off the bag. Maybe next year we'll prepare it a different way...if we're not overwhelmed with another batch of brand new TJ's Christmas goodies.

Four Christmas stars from the missus and three and a half Christmas stars from me. Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good bite!

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.