Trader Joe's Organic Vegan Nacho Dip

A little about me: I had severe allergies to wheat, milk, and sugar all through my childhood. I was deprived of the vast majority of foods that my friends and classmates got to eat on a regular basis. I was treated with daily allergy shots, often administering them to myself, and have now, for the most part, outgrown those food allergies, though I still suffer from some mild to moderate sensitivities, namely to gluten, while my wife Sonia has some mild to moderate lactose intolerance.

All through those years of food allergies, my parents did what they could to provide alternatives: goat milk or soy milk instead of cow's milk, rice bread or millet bread instead of wheat bread, NutraSweet and later stevia instead of sugar, and so on. There weren't any Trader Joe's or Whole Foods around, so our options were pretty limited. Fortunately, there were a few mom and pop's "health food" stores and some local farms that offered foods that were hard to find at typical mainstream grocery stores.

I'm actually somewhat grateful for those years of having an extremely limited diet. First, because it taught me to more fully appreciate those very common foods that most people take for granted. Second, because it forced me to broaden my horizons early. There were certain things that I discovered during those years that I would still eat and do still eat now: Rice Dream or coconut-based ice cream, for example. I still generally love things made with rice flour, too.

But there are also alternative foods that I tried back then that were so awful in my opinion that I would have rather just done without any version of said food. Sugar-free carob chips come to mind. Some might argue: "Well, Nathan, you can't have real chocolate chips, so you'll have to eat sugar-free carob!"

But then that argument doesn't make sense at all, does it? I would much rather give up on both chocolate chips and their disgusting alternative at that point.

All that to say when I review things that are dairy-free or gluten-free or sugar-free or whatever, I'm reviewing it from the perspective of a little boy who will happily try almost anything, but will then share his genuine opinion of that thing. I will not sacrifice honesty for the sake of people who might have a different opinion of a particular product. If you disagree with my assessment of an item, feel free to post your opinion as a comment on the blog or our social media, but don't accuse me of lacking "compassion" and "gratitude" because my viewpoint is different than yours. Every reviewer brings his or her own bias to the table to some degree, and I'm no different.

And along those lines, this product falls squarely into that sugar-free carob category. If I were strictly vegan or still allergic to milk, I would happily do without real nacho cheese dip AND this cashew-based alternative...because it's simply not good.

For the record: I like cashews. I also generally like anything nacho cheese flavored. But from the moment I peeled back the plastic covering, there was an off-putting smell. It was a kind of foot-esque odor, strong enough to make me wince. There was something vaguely nacho-ish about the smell, but nothing suggesting nacho cheese dip.

After heating, the smell was more heavily nacho than feet, but it still wasn't particularly pleasant. Taking a bite with an unsalted tortilla chip, there was a moment where the dip was just a flavorless mush. Then a moment later, there was a wash of vague nacho spice. Sonia's experience was very similar. The condiment never even came close to approximating the richness or creaminess of real nacho cheese, and there's just not enough spice to cover up the product's weaknesses.

Texture-wise, it seemed oddly thick and pasty, maybe a little oily. Sonia said it reminded her of toothpaste. I don't disagree, although the texture and appearance are both a notch more impressive than the flavor if you ask me.

I'll throw out one star for that reason. Sonia will go with a generous two for Trader Joe's Vegan Nacho Dip, pointing out that it might conceivably work as a minor ingredient in a grand mishmash of southwestern style foods. We'll most likely take advantage of Trader Joe's outstanding no hassle return policy and get our $3.99 back on this one.

Bottom line: 3 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Ranch Seasoning Blend

Did you know that you don't need to shake a shaker? It's true. It's amazing what you can learn while surfing the interwebs. You just hold the shaker in place while upside down and rotate the plastic covering with the holes back and forth. Or hold the plastic covering in place and rotate the shaker itself. The salt or pepper or, in this case ranch powder, just falls right out...much more evenly than if you shake it, I might add. It was one of those "my whole life has been a lie" moments for me. So there you go. That's a free life hack just for reading this blog.

Another life hack: put this stuff on popcorn. Ranch popcorn. You're welcome. Why isn't ranch popcorn a thing? Well, actually, I suppose it is. But why isn't it more popular? I dunno. As I'm writing this paragraph, I'm realizing it says "sprinkle on popcorn" on the front of the label. I guess Trader Joe's beat me to it.

Pro tip: the more buttery your popcorn is, the better this seasoning will stick to it.

To be honest, ranch isn't really my thing. It's definitely not my go-to as far as salad dressing is concerned. I'm not big into hot wings or anything like that. In the upper midwest, they give out ranch with freaking everything. At some bar/grills around here, they give you ranch with French fries. I'm always like, "Um...have you ever heard of ketchup?"

But I digress. Ranch has its place. It's great as a veggie dip with carrots and celery and broccoli, although this powder doesn't really work in that application. I bet you could mix it with some sour cream and create a makeshift ranch dip. The side of the shaker actually has a recipe for "Creamy Buttermilk Ranch Dressing" involving mayo and buttermilk but I bet it would be just as good using only sour cream and this seasoning, a la those Hidden Valley seasoning packets.

It might just be me, but I felt this ranch flavor was particularly potent, almost spicy even. There's plenty of garlic, onion, dill, and pepper taste in addition to the creamy buttermilk. I'm thinking you could use this on baked potatoes, fish, poultry, or other meats. Anybody have any other crazy ideas? Love to hear about them in the comments.

We both liked it and would buy it again. $2.99 for the shaker. Four stars a piece from Sonia and me for Trader Joe's Ranch Seasoning Blend.

Bottom line: 8 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Organic Date Syrup

Ah, the Deglet Noor date. So much deglettier than regular dates. They provide so much noorishment, those fancy DNDs. I'm being facetious, of course. I don't know much about dates, but you can click that link in the first line if you want to read a post that demonstrates at least a passing knowledge of a couple date species, as well as a brief review of a previous Trader Joe's date product.

I'm not sure why I was thinking the syrup would be clear and thin, similar to agave, but it's quite dark and somewhat thicker than I assumed. It looks very much like chocolate syrup or balsamic reduction.

The flavor is super sweet, but it's distinctly different than most sweeteners. To me, it's not a completely neutral flavor. It really tastes like dates. So it's fruity in that sense. But it's also a "dark" sweetness, more similar to molasses in a way than plain old sugar or something like Karo. Neither Sonia nor I particularly like molasses, but we both like this. It's like...what we always wished molasses would taste like...if that makes sense.

It worked great as a sweetener in our smoothies. We've been putting a bit of honey in them as of late, but this functions pretty much in the same manner. There is that deep, dark, almost caramel-like flavor to the date syrup, so it enhances the taste of the fruits and juices even more.

I won't say it's a replacement for good old maple syrup. I don't think there's anything you could put on a pancake or waffle that's hands down better than real maple. But if you wanna mix things up a little, this stuff sure isn't bad in that regard. The pic up above is Trader Joe's Organic Date Syrup on a piece of French toast. It was pretty tasty. Not better than maple syrup. Just different. I'm always down for a bit of novelty, but I think I'll return to the old standby for my next stack of flapjacks.

$3.49 for a 6.09 oz squeeze bottle. There's nothing but organic Deglet Noor dates in there. Pretty impressive product. Trader Joe's Organic Date Syrup gets four stars a piece from Sonia and me.

Bottom line: 8 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Tamarind Sauce

Not all that long ago, the beautiful wifey made a comment about craving tamarind sauce with another Trader Joe's product we reviewed. The comment struck me as totally random at the time, but at least part of my reaction was due to my general disdain for tamarind-flavored things.

I've had tamarind candy, tamarind soda, and even tamarind-flavored vodka. In each case, I thought it was kinda gross. Sonia grew up with such treats...well, okay, not the vodka, but the tamarind candy and beverages are something she's totally accustomed to. I think it's a Mexican thing.

To me, this sauce isn't a far cry from steak sauce, flavor-wise, but perhaps a bit more versatile. It's a bit thinner than A1 and other leading brands and perhaps a tad sweeter, but both types of sauces are tart, tangy, citrusy, and have an interesting blend of peppery spices underneath it all. This tamarind sauce is almost like a slightly fruitier version of Worcestershire sauce.

I don't think the average American wants A1-flavored candy or steak sauce soda, do you? But in its proper context as a condiment for meat, it's perfectly tasty. I'd say the same for tamarind, personally.

This sauce worked well with salmon, providing the same sort of sweet-tart element you might get from teriyaki sauce. It also went great with grilled chicken. I'm sure it would work well with white fish or shrimp. I don't eat steak very often, but I'd absolutely use it in place of A1 or Worcestershire.

It pours a deep, dark brown—almost like used motor oil. But because it's so relatively thin, it doesn't coat very well, and you can go through a lot of it quite quickly. I think it was $2.99 for about 7 oz.

We're both down for another purchase. Four stars from me. Four and a half from Sonia.

Bottom line: 8.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Incredisauce

It's really too bad that I seem to only get cravings for Chick-Fil-A on Sundays. Because...well...you know. 

But hey! Now I can skip the equally unfathomably long and quick drive thru lines and dip my tendies any time I want, close my eyes, and fool myself into thinking it's the real deal (or close enoguh to it) by busting out the new Trader Joe's Incredisauce!

Make no mistake: just as it was pretty clear that TJ's was taking on In-N-Out with the ol' Magnifisauce, it's obvious who the new target is. Superman's disembodied hand is holding a nugget there, after all.

And if you've ever had the Chick-Fil-A dipping sauce, this TJ's one is really pretty close. It's mustard based, primarily, but with oil and egg whites mixed in for some extra may-liciios body, There's tomato paste and garlic and onion and apple cider vinegar and...well, you can read the ingredients yourself, but it's almost not necessary as each are equally taste-able. It feels like cheating to just rehash the product's own description, but a little sweet, kind atnagy, and definitely smoky are all pretty apt descriptors. The real difference I could taste was the smokiness - seems amped more in the Incredisauce than the Chick-Fil-A if I'm recalling things correctly. 

Nutritionally speaking, this stuff is a disaster though. Added sugar. Soybean oil. All that salt. I mean, everything in moderation, so make out of that as you will. I'll try not to dunk and slather as tempting as that would be. 

Can't quite get the best pic of the ingredients and nutrition label - it's all pretty small - so here's the info from the official TJ's website. 

It's $3.29 for the bottle and should last you a while. Not a bad deal at all. Would definitely buy again any day, and maybe twice on Sundays. Double fours. 

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Incredisauce: 8 out of 10 Golden Spoons.

Trader Joe's Pesto Rosso

I'm not a fan of traditional pesto. For years, I thought it was one of the spices used in the mixture that turned me off, but some time ago, I realized that most regular pestos use pine nuts as a base. Pine nuts have always revolted me for some reason. Sure enough, every non-pine nut-based pesto I've tried since has been a thumbs up for me, this one included.

It's tomato-based, and there's parmesan cheese, cashew, and carrot puree in the mix. The spice blend includes basil, garlic, and lemon juice. It's an interesting flavor—sorta tangy, savory, and acrid, with hints of nuttiness and earthiness underneath. Goes well with pasta. There are some other serving suggestions on the jar that we haven't tried yet, including pizza and soup.

The sauce is thick and dense. Just a few spoonfuls are enough to coat a surprising amount of pasta. It's mostly smooth. No chunks of anything in there, although it's somewhat lumpy until you distribute it evenly across many pieces of pasta.

$2.49 for the jar. Would go great with crackers and cheese. We'd maybe buy it again to have on standby with a charcuterie board or something fancy like that, but I don't think it would ever be a day-to-day go-to kind of condiment for me. Although, I kinda wanna make grilled cheese with fontina, gruyere, or havarti and pair it with this. Maybe goat cheese?

Product of Italy. Three and a half stars a piece from Sonia and me.

Bottom line: 7 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Green & Red Hatch Chile Flakes

 

Hatch chiles. So hot right now. 

Well...not precisely, actually. 

See, there's the new Trader Joe's Green & Red Hatch Chile Flakes. So yeah, there's likely a small buzz about the peppers of the Gods on TJ's related social media and little bloggies like ours. Not a bad thing at all. 

But, well, if you're not overly familiar with hatch chiles, first of all, they're not in season right now - their heyday seems to be late summer/early fall AKA pumpkin spice season - and second, well, hatch chiles aren't really all that hot or spicy. 

Hatch chiles deliver more on a sweet/smoky/little touch of heat level, in ways I've never directly experienced but have had others describe as absolutely transcendent. I'm not getting that out of the shaker here. Sweet, mild, little smoke, a little heat? Sure, and a welcome change up from the usual crushed red pepper flakes. Out of body/out of world experience? Nah. Maybe save that for the Hatch Harvest festivities that go on at peak season from what I hear. 

Use them as you'd use any pepper sprinkle - eggs, pizza, soup, salad, veggies, meat, anything that could use a little oomph - and it's nice for TJ's to offer a versatile condiment that help convey at least a fraction of the whole hatch experience. I'm not in love but I certainly won't mind getting these on the regular when available. Tasty flakes. 

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Green & Red Hatch Chile Flakes: 7 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Trader Joe's Wine Infused Sea Salt Seasoning Grinder

For years, my grandmother's side of the family would gather all together for Thanksgiving. It was (and still is) a pretty big crew...enough great uncles, aunts, cousins, nieces, nephews, whatever else that we would have to rent an auditorium at a local campground to fit all 70+ plus of us. Huge. Overwhelming. And awesome. It was tradition for each family to bring things, with a whole system worked up by my great uncles and aunts, and it would be tradition for any newlyweds to bring only things like some butter, salt, or at most a veggie tray. You had to earn the right to bring dessert or a turkey. 

Anyways, though we no longer gather together like that any more, and my lovely bride and I aren't exactly newlyweds any more either after our recent double digit anniversary, I really wonder what would have happened if we were ever to be entrusted with bringing salt and pepper, and brought in something like Trader Joe's Wine Infused Sea Salt Seasoning Grinder. 

Probably some of my more conservatively minded aunts would be concerned if the wine in the salt would make them drunk. Probably a few of my uncles would hope it would. Of course, that wouldn't happen...and I'd like to think everyone there would realize it...but there'd be a stir regardless. Russ and Sandy, with their fancy salt. With booze in it. There'd be stories to tell from it, no doubt. 

Anyways, for a big fancy salt grinder, this ain't bad. It's real simple yet somewhat elegantly composed of sea salt infused with rosé, mixed with pink peppercorns and a touch of rosemary. those components all add a nice little savory touch that puts a little extra taste in other than just plain ol' salt. Subtle and nice. i like it. 

Could easily see some sprinkled atop some roasted turkey or stuffing or veggies or whatever else you may want to sprinkle some salt on. Given the rosemary, I'm not sure it'd be a good match for anything going for a salty/sweet combo, like some type of dessert....but as always, I could be wrong. It's only $4.99 for this banana-sized salt grinder too, so I have a feeling we'll have this a while. 

Here's to hoping you and yours have a Happy Thanksgiving. 

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Wine Infused Sea Salt Seasoning Grinder: 8 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Trader Joe's Indian Style Garlic Achaar Sauce

Why is Indian food so delicious? I don't think I've ever had an Indian dish I didn't like. My hypothesis: it's the spices and sauces.

This tasty new Trader Joe's brand condiment lends credence to that theory. It's piquant, potent, and fabulously flavorsome. However, I have to share the following: while re-familiarizing myself with achaar sauce via internet search, I came across another popular jarred garlic achaar sauce: Brooklyn Delhi. First of all, that's a freaking brilliant play on words—not a Brooklyn deli like a delicatessen, but Delhi like the city in India. Ha! I love it.

Anyway, I mused for a moment about whether Brooklyn Delhi could possibly be Trader Joe's third party supplier of their own achaar. No sooner had the thought entered my mind when I stumbled across a tweet from the founder of Brooklyn Delhi calling Trader Joe's offering a "cheap, watered-down knock-off" of her version. 

All I have to say is DANG, girl, if this stuff is watered-down, then your roasted garlic achaar sauce must be absolutely life-changing and I must try it as soon as I can get my hands on some.

Because "watered-down" was the phrase farthest from my mind when I first tried this product. It's so rich and flavorful. It's super garlicky, but there are also hot chili spices and a deep, earthy bite that's so unique. We put it on naan bread with some eggs and garlic-flavored goat cheese. Fan-freaking-tastic. It's honestly quite noshable with nothing but bread—the eggs and cheese just made it a complete meal.

This would go great with chicken, fish, shrimp, fries, appetizers...honestly it's probably easier to list things it wouldn't go with than things it potentially could. I wouldn't try it with desserts, I guess. It would ruin ice cream or cake, I suppose.

I'm excited to experiment with it. $2.69 for the jar. It's not a huge jar, but a little goes a long way. Four and a half stars from Sonia. Four from me.

Bottom line: 8.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Cheesy Seasoning Blend

 Growing up, if were gonna have broccoli, my mom would almost always take a huge chunk of Velveeta, toss it into a large Pyrex glass measuring cup, likely add a little milk, and nuke it to make an ooey-gooey cheese sauce for all us kids to drown our veggies in. 

Man. The mere thought of that these days makes pretty much every major body system of mine feel clogged. Awesome for a kid? Sure thing! Don't blame my mama one bit. But now? Not so much. 

Still, cheese goes so great with veggies...there has to be a better way...maybe like the new Trader Joe's Cheesy Seasoning Blend? 

This cheesy sprinkle actually works pretty decently, and packs more of a cheesy punch than expected. Is it a cheese or is it a spice? Or is enough of each to be both? I'm not smart enough to say with all certainty.

But anyways even a light sprinkle on some roasted broccoli gave those trees some cheese to please. I swear it tasted like perhaps i sprinkled a little actual cheese on there, not so much from the globby melty sense but just in the pure flavor sense. Very nice and sharply cheddarific, with a little hint of garlic to boot. Delish. Like it.

I can definitely see this working on more than just veggies, of course. popcorn is an absolute no brainer. Some saldas and pastas and maybe even on pizza could work. Soups too. Or buttered bread. or...well..you get the point. Very little would be better of without a little hit of cheddar. 

And as an added bonus, you know how sprinkle cheese can get all melty then glues itself on dishes? not the case here. As the main dinnertime dish handler in the fam, that's an automatic win.

My lovely bride, our ever-so-charming rugrats and I all liked it. Yeah, we'll be using this a lot. Decent enough - not earth shattering but solid. Double fours cuz why not. 

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Cheesy Seasoning Blend: 8 out of 10 Golden Spoons 

Trader Joe's Sweet & Savory Lightly Spiced Pumpkin Spread

So technically pumpkin's a fruit, right? The experts say so anyway. And we know we're supposed to accept the opinions of the experts and not really rock the boat with dissenting opinions these days.

So my question is: why isn't this "pumpkin fruit spread." Hmmm? All the other fruits like pineapple, apple, watermelon, strawberry, banana, and peach all got "fruit spread" as part of their condiments' monikers.

Maybe it's because some people don't accept pumpkin as a fruit and think of it more as a vegetable. So why isn't it "pumpkin vegetable spread"? Maybe there's an unfair bias against pumpkins.

Or maybe Trader Joe's just didn't want to open that can of worms and start an all-out war between those who think of pumpkin as a vegetable and those who think of pumpkin as a fruit. They just decided to sit on the fence and let you the consumer decide. Not pumpkin fruit spread. Not pumpkin vegetable spread. Just pumpkin spread.

Whether fruit or vegetable or both or neither, the packaging on this product is fun. Kinda rustic and farmer's market-esque. There are at least a couple elements that are totally unnecessary and simply for show. I guess they're channeling that homemade and put in a Mason jar sorta vibe.

Opening the jar, the smell is...unique. It's almost like honey...mixed with an odd gourd-like smell. Like it actually smells like when you're carving a jack-o-lantern and you have the pumpkin guts all over newspapers on the floor and you're pulling the seeds out of the wet, stringy innards of the pumpkin. Like that—and honey.

Pumpkin is the number one ingredient here. There's actually no honey in the mix, but I'm guessing cane sugar yields a sweetness comparable to that of honey. This isn't a spoon it out of the jar type spread here in my opinion. It needs to be mixed and tempered with other foods and ingredients in order to be palatable. The jar suggests eating it with cheeses, cold cuts, roasted meats, or vegetables.

We tried it with crackers and goat cheese and it sorta kinda worked I guess. We tried it with turkey cold cuts and that wasn't really a winner, either. I guess I'm just struggling to find a purpose for this condiment. I need a pumpkin spread pairing wheel like they do with wines and stuff here. The suggestions on the jar are too vague.

Still it's an interesting product, not hampered by an excess of pumpkin spices or cloying, unchecked sweetness. I can't decide if I like the chunks of raw actual pumpkin floating throughout the mixture or if I think they're gross. Time will tell. For now, I give this stuff two and a half stars. Sonia will go a full star higher with three and a half.

Bottom line: 6 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Organic Peach Fruit Spread

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

That's what they say, anyway. I always assume that's what's going on when someone does something I'm doing. As a school kid, back when I had a full head of blond hair, I got a spike. A week later, half my class showed up at homeroom with pointy Bart Simpson haircuts and tubes of hair gel in hand. What a trendsetter I am, I thought to myself.

Or a slightly more recent example: one day I brought a Trader Joe's brand beverage to work. And two days later, some co-workers followed suit and brought TJ's drinks along, too. Same thing happened with cookies, sauces, pastries... Cheers, friends. Great minds think alike.

I mean, they might have been making fun of me in some underhanded, passive-aggressive way. But I had no reason to think that, nor would I have cared even if it were the case. I'll always just assume the best, refer to the first line of this post, and carry on with business as usual.

But what about when somebody imitates themself? I mean, isn't that what we have here? Trader Joe's already offered us a pretty stellar fruit spread made with real peaches. If it ain't broke, then why try to fix it?

Could be a 3rd party supplier issue. Could be people were scared off by the "Bellini" part of the product. I mean, it did contain real white wine, but not even enough to make mention of an alcohol content. Whatever the reason, I say, if you're going to imitate yourself, keep the product at least as good as it was and hopefully make a few improvements.

Organic peaches. Organic cane sugar. I guess those are upgrades. No Prosecco. Whether that's an improvement or not depends upon your perspective, I suppose.

One thing some people might like that I wasn't particularly thrilled with: bigger peach chunks. The peaches in the previous iteration were pureed. There are big wads of pure peach here that simply don't want to spread onto toast smoothly. Again, some people might not mind that. I guess it works for pie filling or smoothie ingredients.

Flavor-wise, the two products are very similar. You could taste the white wine before, which I liked. This flavor is more purely peach. Neither product was overly sweet, but this one might even be a smidge less sugary. I'd probably settle on the same score for both if it weren't for those large, slightly stringy peach masses scattered throughout this jar. I'll go half a star lower. Sonia will keep her score the same, stating that she likes it just as much and at $2.49 for the jar, it's significantly less expensive.

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Onion Salt

Right there on the front of the shaker, it says this product is "a savory allium blend." I've heard the word allium before, but I had to look it up.

It's the genus that includes many of the most delicious plants on God's green earth: garlic, onions, shallots, leeks, scallions, and chives.

More like alli-YUM, am I right?

Furthermore, their medicinal properties are epic. I've cured bacterial infections and lowered my blood pressure with raw garlic, for example. Now, make no mistake, this isn't medical advice...but if it were medical advice, it might just be the best medical advice you ever received.

To be sure, you need the raw stuff to get those wizard-level health benefits from the allium family, so you're not going to be putting any pharmacists out of business with products like this one. However, the scrumptious savory flavors of the allium family are here in spades.

It's not just onion you'll taste. There's garlic and chives in the mix, too. Also kosher salt...hence the word "salt" in the product title. I wouldn't have been heartbroken if it were just onion, garlic, and chives. You can always add your own salt if you wish. Furthermore, why leave out shallots, leeks, and scallions from the mix..?

The side of the label says to try it with eggs or stir into sour cream for a dip. I did both. At the SAME TIME. Pretty delicious. Garlic and onion sour cream-topped scrambled eggs are the bomb.

$1.99 for a 2 oz. shaker. Four stars a piece from Sonia and me. I'd love to hear what else you do with this stuff in the comments below.

Bottom line: 8 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Cold Brew Coffee BBQ Sauce

 Inarguably, there's few things that pair together better in these hot summer months than some grilling or smoking and a cold, cold beverage. It's especially true if said cold beverage is a little sudsy and a bit hoppy, at least for me, but really, any cold one could do. 

However, coffee isn't the first drink that comes to mind when it comes to grilling. If you're pulling an all-nighter on a mega "slow and low" session, sure, I can get it. I don't do those at this stage in my life. If I'm up all night it's usually not for something fun like that. 

However, Trader Joe's Cold Brew Coffee BBQ Sauce is having me rethink that a little. No, not staying up all night to crutch and foilwrap a piece of meat. It's that maybe...coffee and barbeque make better bedfellows than I lent credence to. 

The base of the sauce is a good, basic, straightforward BBQ sauce. It's sweet and spicy with solid notes of both brown sugar and chili pepper, with apple cider vinegar and molasses adding plenty of depth. There's some sneaky heat towards the ened - it's not high, by any stretch, but spicier than I thought it'd be. Even then, the heat is offset partially and nicely by a little herbal flair. The last ingredient in the sauce is dried rosemary and I swear I tasted that before I read the list. 

So what does the cold brew coffee add?

Plenty. 

There is absolutely a distinct taste of nonacidic, non-bitey, mild, smooth black coffee that permeates the sauce as a core component. I think if all the cold brew and all the rest of the sauce were to somehow be seperated from one another and sampled individually, we'd have a okay cup of cold brew and a decent enough sauce. Put 'em both together though? Another level, and one of the more distinct sauces I've hoad in a hot minute. 

Good stuff. I've used the sauce a few times for pulled pork and it works great. Can't imagine it not working well for brisket or ribs. It may be a touch too heavy for chicken, but I'd give that a try before saying that definitively. If you got a pro tip for the sauce, leave it in a comment below, I'm all ears. 

It's a winner in my family. Costs maybe $4. Gonna keep on keepin' on with it. Double fours. 

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Cold Brew Coffee BBQ Sauce: 8 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Trader Joe's Peri-Peri Sauce

Okay, here's something totally new to me.

Never heard of peri-peri sauce before. It's pretty rare I'll find something at Trader Joe's that I'm completely unfamiliar with. Usually, I've at least heard of the product online or I've seen it on an ethnic cuisine menu. I'm reviewing it today as much to open up a discussion about it as I am telling you my thoughts and opinions.

What it is: it's a thin, orange liquid. It's thinner than most condiments—definitely thinner than ketchup, cocktail sauce, or sriracha. It's spicy. There's a taste of hot chilies. Has some kick for sure. Higher than a 5 out of 10 on my spice-o-meter. Mouth and throat-tingling from the first bite.

What it's not: it's not sweet at all. This isn't a desserty thing. There's absolutely no sugar or sweeteners of any kind in the bottle. It's not like curry in any way. It's not coconutty, nor milky, nor by that same measure is it bitter—although it almost has the same effect on the palate that bitter tastes do, if that makes any sense at all. It's a little harsh in a way that makes me want to wince in the same manner I do with bitter foods.

Ten seconds into an internet search and I'm seeing that this is, in fact, a traditional African sauce. This variety contains no tomato or vinegar which, from what I'm reading, might not be the norm for this condiment.

I can confirm it goes well with white fish, and I'm certain it would work on grilled chicken, too. I had it with crab cakes and tried it on French fries, and it's okay with those. It obviously provides some heat to whatever you add it to. I'm struggling to think of other applications for this stuff.

Once again, I'm grateful to try an international product for a reasonable price, thanks to Trader Joe's: $3.29 for 6.76 fl oz. I have no idea how to score this fairly. I'd love to hear your thoughts, particularly if you're familiar with other versions of peri-peri sauce.

Product of South Africa. SA is crazy chaotic right now. Hope the folks there are doing okay. Wonder how long until that type of discord is seen in the good ol' US of A..?

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Crispy Thai Chilies & Sesame Seeds

 In October 2006, Arizona Cardinals head coach Dennis Green, after a particularly frustrating loss, unleashed one legendary postgame tirade with a phrase that I still think of often: "They ARE who we THOUGHT they WERE!" 

Sometimes, yup, it's just really that simple. 

But there's also the old, always applicable adage that appearances can be deceiving. If you're paying any sort of attention to the world around you, you likely know this is unassailable truth. 

And with Trader Joe's Crispy Thai Chilies & Sesame Seeds, we get a little bit of both at the same time.

Let's get coach to cool off by going his way first. Thai chili peppers and spices. Vibrant, flaming red. Overly aromatic. It's got that crispy, slightly greasy yet dry feel. Even the seeds help the whole spicy vibe, even though it's important to note they're sesame and not pepper seeds. Nonetheless, there's the undeniable impression before even one taste: this peppery snack is gonna be flamelickingly hot. And yup, it is as we thought it is: hot hot hot. lots of heat, towards the upper limit of my tolerance for easy consumption. I'm not sure of the Scovilles but it's up there. Even with that, there is a little flavor nuance with some garlic and whatnot, but oh yeah: hot. 

So there's that. But there's also the word "snack" as a descriptor, and truth be told, it doesn't look like much of a "snack." The peppers are really no more than little papery wisps without much of anything behind them, leaving the girth of the snack to the little clumps of sesame seeds. Kinda like bird food (not a recommended usage btw). Yet, after a few bites, that's how the chilies and seeds kinda come together, with a little sense of fullness behind them. Maybe it's a little of the heat, or the peppers getting some rehydrated while consumed, or some other sorcery, but it's a legit snack, albeit perhaps a lighter one.

There's other applications I could see. I'd love to mix some peppers and seeds up with some tempura chicken or sdauteed shrimp and serve with rice, or even just over some fried rice. Maybe a salad or some eggs too. I think it could work. Snack and condiment - why not?

Good stuff, and not a bad buy from the impulse islands near the checkout. I think a sack was only like $2 so if this sounds like your kinda thing, I'd give it a go and not just let it off the hook. 

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Crispy Thai Chilies & Sesame Seeds: 7.5 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Trader Joe's Vegan Tzatziki Dip

I was highly skeptical about this condiment.

I've never been a fan of vegan cheeses. I honestly think I've had more consistently edible vegan fake meat than vegan cheese or vegan dairy in general. Sonia and I both love our dairy products.

Likewise, I love me some tzatziki sauce, so I was curious how this would turn out, curious what they'd use in place of yogurt, curious if they'd be able to mimic both the taste and texture of that unique, tangy Middle Eastern sauce.

Just as I suspected, the flavor is nearly identical to traditional tzatziki, but the texture is somewhat different. The taste is full of dill and tangy citrus flavors, with notes of garlic and pepper in the background. There is a creaminess there, too. But it's not quite like dairy cream. It appears they used an alternative that's made of coconut oil and potato starch. Yikes! That's a weird combo to replace Greek yogurt, right?

But you know what? It works. It works in terms of flavor—somehow it doesn't taste like coconut or potatoes. It really tastes pretty darn close to actual tzatziki.

Now the texture is another story. To me, it's significantly thicker than the traditional stuff. It's a bit starchy, too, but still there's this quality that nearly imitates actual thick yogurt. And in the end, unusually thick tzatziki isn't really bad at all. It's easier to get a bunch of it on your falafel or veggies or pita or whatever you're eating it with. It comes out of the tub in little globs. It's much less runny than traditional dairy tzatziki. It's honestly weirdly good that way. I don't know what the dairy equivalent might be. Like maybe...what if they made tzatziki with cottage cheese instead of Greek yogurt?

Sonia's a big fan. She likes it better than traditional tzatziki and promises she'll buy it again. Four and a half stars from her.

$3.99 for the tub. Although I'm a fan, I can't say it'll replace dairy tzatziki for me completely. If I were vegan or lactose-intolerant, I'd be all over this stuff every time I stepped into a Trader Joe's. Three and a half stars from me and an overall thumbs up.

Bottom line: 8 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Pineapple Fruit Spread

Jam, jelly, preserves, spread, compote, marmalade. I won't pretend to know the differences among them. A thirty second internet research session on the subject illuminated a few key points: first, jelly is smooth with no fruit chunks. So this is most definitely not jelly.

Second, fruit spreads contain nothing but fruit...unless they're from Trader Joe's, in which case they contain cane sugar and coconut milk, among other natural additives. Depending on which set of criteria you go with, this product might actually qualify as marmalade more than any of the other categories since it has fruit chunks along with sugar, but I guess pineapple isn't technically citrus, so that disqualifies it. But I digress. My point is that there isn't a whole lot of consistency among definitions on the internet as far as jarred fruitstuffs are concerned.

Speaking of consistency, this stuff is chunky. It's thicc with two c's. There are big wads of pineapple chunks here and there. There are also generous quantities of those stringy, pulpy sections of pineapple scattered throughout. I wasn't a huge fan of those. The base of this spread is nice and smooth, so the stringiness kinda gets in the way if you ask me. It wasn't a dealbreaker, though. It's still a great product, versatile and unique.

It's very sweet, tart, and pineappley. If you're so inclined, you could spoon it straight from the jar. I put it on a piece of toast with a little butter, and it's pretty freaking tasty that way. As is the case with many different fruits and fruit spreads, it goes great with cottage cheese. Another idea we haven't tried yet but are fairly confident will work: throw it in a blender with vanilla ice cream and make a pineapple milkshake.

Sonia was grossed out by this, but I'll share it anyway for those of you with strong stomachs: I made a peanut butter and pineapple fruit spread sandwich. It totally worked, IMHO. Not saying you need to try it that way, but maybe if you're feeling adventurous, you know... I'll still take grape jelly over pineapple spread for my daily PBJ, but hey, variety is the spice of life as they say.

We're going to baste some salmon in this stuff tonight with a bit of teriyaki sauce glaze, too. We'll report back if anybody's interested.

It would also make a great dip/topping for coconut shrimp. I also thought of putting pieces of turkey bacon on a pizza and then adding a few dollops of this spread for a makeshift kosher Hawaiian pizza, but nah, this stuff's too sweet methinks—too much sugar for an application like that.

Pineapple fans, have at it. I just wish it were a little less stringy. Sonia gives it four out of five stars. I'll go with three and a half.

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Everything and the Elote Greek Style Yogurt Dip

 Ever bite into anything unsuspectingly and kinda hope for the best? 

For the unobservant, which surprisingly included my lovely bride in this instance, it can absolutely happen with the new Trader Joe's Everything and the Elote Greek Style Yogurt Dip. 

The name gives a small clue - the "and." Not a "but" like we've seen for elote seasoning, and is common in the "everything but the..." product lines, most notably with bagels. It's an "and," and in what I'm pretty sure is a somewhat inaccurate expansion of the definition of the word "elote," there's actual corn in the elote dip. Like, elote is a type of seasoned Mexican street corn, and not just corn itself, right?

Anyways, yes, there's corn in the yogurt dip, And to be honest, it's an odd feel. It's not off putting, just...odd. Personally, I would have done without and it's kinda weird in the occasional bite when chomping on a chip with a dab of creamy yogurt dip to bite into a smushy corn kernel. Might have worked better during development stages, who knows. If it were up to me, I'd say no corn and keep everything else as is, or if you insisted on corn, making more of a corn salsa-style product and skip the Greek yogurt altogether. There's too much of it to ignore, not enough to really make a central feature of the product...between all or none they went for the middle and missed IMHO.  Knowing when it was coming made it a better bite, but the best were the ones without any corn.

No other real complaints, though. I love anything elote and there's plenty of that here. A little heat, a little smoke, lots of spicy depth balanced out nicely with the cool creaminess - it's delicious and kinda addictive. The heat isn't overwhelming, so it may be somewhat of a toned down experience, which has its plusses and minuses. Tons of flavor, though, so I'm not gonna complain much. And the nutritional info isn't as awful  as one may expect for something of  the sort, unless you eat half the tub....

Still, the corn...

The tub of elote dip was about $3 and worth a buy for sure. Just know what's coming. 

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Everything and the Elote Greek Style Yogurt Dip: 7 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Trader Joe's Organic Spicy Honey Sauce

 Mmmm. "Sauce."

Granted, the use of the word "sauce" in the name "Trader Joe's Organic Spicy Honey Sauce" isn't as intimidating as, say, while cleaning my kitchen for a move years back I found a plain looking packet, on a shelf, with no context or hint or anything for what it contained other than the word SAUCE. Had no idea what kind of sauce or what product it was from. It was....just sauce. And I wasn't gonna find out, as desperate as I may have been to liven up my daily ramen rations at that point. 

Still, it's a bit concerning here. I mean, why "sauce"? What else could you possibly need other than honey and chili pepper for hot honey? Why mess with that?

Apparently, the answer is white vinegar. Go figure. 

Thankfully, the taste of vinegar isn't very apparent in the final TJ's hot honey product unless you're taking a straight from the spoon hit. I tried that and while not overly bad, it wasn't exactly 100% delish. It must not be more than a small splash as the honey itself is still thick and rich, not watered down, and the initial sweet honey hints and the chili afterburn bookend a short but awkward transition phase in the middle that I guess the vinegar helps support somehow. Still not really sure of the purpose of the vinegar to be honest. 

On a final product though? Can't taste the vinegar. Nah. That sweetness rides a whole wave over 'til it's the pepper's turn to take over. It's a very satisfying flavor note that lends itself well to a variety of dishes. First time we tried it, I glazed some over some grilled salmon. The look in my lovely bride's eyes said we'll be doing that again. Dipped some fried right in it, some chicken nuggz to, drizzled some over bacon really just for the heck of it. Can't wait to brush some on some homemade pizza crust, or put some over grilled veggies or potatoes or...the list goes on. Sandy says she'll even put some in some tea. What's your idea? Share away!

Oh, and lest you think that vinegar thing is weird....the ubiquitous Mike's Hot Honey is also composed of the same three ingredients, so there. Don't mess with success. I actually haven't had Mike's in quite a while to really make a direct comparison, though Sandy said Mike's heat hits more as cinnamony-y than pepper-y, at least to her, and TJ's is more the latter.

Good stuff. Whose sauce is boss? Don't care, we'll enjoy 'em both in their turns in our pantry. Double fours.