Trader Joe's Chewy Marshmallow Bar

Rice Krispies are pretty much a disappointment cereal, right? I've never met anyone who could honestly say they legitimately enjoyed a bowl of them. I know I sure haven't. Sure, sure, there's the snap, crackle and pop thing that's kinda cool...but then what? Within moments you have little, soggy, limp, mushy and basically tasteless tidbits of toasted rice like substance. Even worse, if not rinsed out right after, the cereal gets cemented into your bowl as it dries, which means depending on my stage of life my mom or my wife would yell at me for it. You'd think I'd learn.

Nah, the only legit reason to buy Rice Krispies is to make Rice Krispie treats. Now those are good, and an all time classic. So simple to do. So delicious.

Which, by the way, I'd recommend over buying Trader Joe's Chewy Marshmallow Bar.

Don't get me wrong, I actually enjoyed this new "gotcha, made ya buy" treat from TJ's. If you want one, or just need a quick snack to keep yourself from going hungry or to placate the kiddos mid-shopping trip, there's no reason not to buy it. Homemade ones are better is all I'm saying.

The taste is all there. It's not like there's much to really mess up or experiment with here - it's toasted rice and marshmallows. If somehow you don't know what this combo tastes like, you've lived a very different life than probably 99.9% of people reading this. I've got nothing else to add here.

It's really more in the feel, I think. Most homemade variations are tightly packed, dense chunks, at least in my experience. Not so here. Once out of the package the marshmallow bar gets droopy and bendy, and the overall feel is pretty light. Also, there's full (or close to full) mini marshmallows interspersed throughout the bar. Some might find this texturally challenging. I didn't particularly but I also prefer a firmer treat.

Others have said this confection is much like a "Dream Bar" or something of the sort from Starbucks. Haven't had one - we don't frequent Starbucks as I consider them "emergency caffeination only" - but perhaps one of you can chime in to state how apt that comparison may be. 

It's a $1.49 each for this TJ's chewy bar, which strikes me neither a great deal nor as a ripoff. They're big enough that Sandy and I split one, and our kids split the other without complaint. I'm neither disappointed nor overwhelmed so I'll just say a three while Sandy chimes in with a little higher.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Chewy Marshmallow Bar: 7 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Trader Joe's Milk Chocolate Covered Mini Pretzels

Seems like TJ's has had chocolate covered pretzels on their shelves for years...like basically always. I can't remember a time they haven't been there. And yet, I don't think we've ever purchased them. Not the plain old milk chocolate covered ones, anyway. 

But now, they're in a fancy new resealable bag, they're featured prominently on traderjoes.com under "What's New," and TJ's is begging us to taste them again...for the first time, or something like that.

So we did.

No cookie butter filling. No exotic foreign confectionery coating. No hazelnut sprinkles. Just pretzels and chocolate. And some newfangled packaging.

I've always liked chocolate covered pretzels, and these are no exception. They taste exactly as I remember them. Salty, sweet, bready. The chocolate is still smooth and the pretzels are still crunchy. They still dot your fingertips with little brown splotches if it's warm outside, and they're still just a tad too firm when it's cold out—or if you store them in the fridge rather than the pantry. 

They're so run-of-the-mill, I'm really at a loss what to write about them. There's absolutely nothing new or innovative about these tasty tidbits, but it's also nice to know they didn't screw them up, either.

I have this memory from very early childhood. It was probably the first time I'd ever had a chocolate covered pretzel. It was evening and the sky was dark. There were two elderly ladies that babysat me frequently in those days, and I was in their apartment on Chocolate Avenue in Hershey, PA. No lie. There's a Chocolate Ave there. Cocoa Ave, too. Anyway, they had this little apartment in downtown Hershey, and I spent a lot of time there. At this point, I couldn't have been older than three or four years old. I remember eating a chocolate pretzel they gave me—my parents wouldn't allow me to have chocolate back in those days, but these two: Nana and Minnie—they'd let me live a little while in their care. The chocolate pretzel they gave me was so transcendently delicious, I remember being excited about life in a way that's very hard to capture now at nearly 40 years old. And then, as if the moment weren't special enough, I recall looking up into the night sky through their kitchen window and seeing a streak of light—I had no idea what it was at the time, but in retrospect, it must have been a shooting star. I don't think I've ever experienced a sense of awe greater than that instant, with the taste of chocolate pretzel dangling on my tongue. 

I don't eat chocolate pretzels all that often these days, but that night in the early 80's comes to mind almost every time I do, and for that reason, there will always be a special place in my heart for these tasty morsels. $3.49 for the 12 oz bag.

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Ghost Chile BBQ Sauce

Nothing can make smashburger night any better at my house.

What's a smashburger, you ask? Simple. I break out my trusty cast iron griddle, heat it up, lightly handle a small chunk of ground beef (really, as little as possible, can't mush or ball it up too much), place in the piping hot cast iron...and promptly smash into thin burger form with a cast iron bacon press. Add a little salt and pepper, flip after a minute or two, melt some cheese atop. Goodness, it makes a good burger...way better than what should be possible. Fun to make too.

And not only that...but all my kids like them and practically beg for them, and eat them happily. If we go more than two weeks without smashburger night, it's an upset.

Yup, nothing can make smashburger night any better...except for just maybe Trader Joe's Ghost Chile BBQ Sauce.

 I'm always on the lookout for new and interesting sauces for TJ's. This must be pretty dang new, because man, sounds awesome, right? Also a little daunting, even though past ghost pepper products from TJ's were a bit underwhelming.

What's the case here? This BBQ sauce is hot. Legitmately. It takes a bit for the flames to stoke themselves, but when they do...wooo. It's a bit much for Sandy, who took a few bites on some grilled chicken for our first go around with the sauce, and promptly waved the mercy flag. I didn't but about halfway through, at the base of my throat, I felt that heat rise up with my eyes watering just a touch. It wasn't unbearable but it's been a while since I've enjoyed a good little burn like that.

It's a well-balanced heat, though. Upfront the sauce tastes a bit tame and even a little sweet and sugary from the tomatoes and pineapple juice base. It's a set-up, though, that starts sneaking in with a little pepper, a little garlic and spice, a little touch of smokiness. Then it hits. Not right away, but when it does, it does.

My only real complaint, if I could call it that, is that it's a bit thin for my taste. There's not much body to the sauce as it strays more towards a very light consistency. I like thick and gloppy sauce, not watery and runny.

Other than that, the ghost chile barbeque sauce is a winner in my book. Buy a supply and apply to all your summery barbeque needs if you can handle it. Tasted equally delicious on grilled chicken as it did on my aforementioned smashburger. Next time I smoke a pulled pork I know what sauce I'll be using, and should look to baste on some ribs. That's gotta be good. Just know your crowd. Sandy said she liked it but would like it more if she "knew how to handle it" which is her weay of saying it was a touch too potent for her. She's going with only a mere three for her score which is too low in my book. Maybe there's some legit ways to tamper it down a bit without losing too much, but that's not for me. Four and a half, I say.This stuff is an absolute smash.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Ghost Chile BBQ Sauce: 7.5 out of 10 Golden Spoons