Gum's The Word Sugar Free Gum

Okay, I'll admit it, I was fooled. This looks like a Trader Joe's product, is packaged like a Trader Joe's product, and has the classic value of a Trader Joe's product (24 pieces for 99 cents? Nice!). Indeed, the only place I have ever seen this sold is at a Trader Joe's, right by the checkout, in fact. However, Gum's The Word is not labelled as a Trader Joe's product, so....I'm guessing it's not really a Trader Joe's product. Fortunately there's a precedent or two...or three...for these kinda situations on the blog, and since a) these are sold at Trader Joe's b) I can chew enough gum to give Violet Beauregarde a run for her money and c) I didn't notice this wasn't a TJ's product 'til literally about 30 seconds ago, well, I'm reviewing it and you can't do anything about it. Them's the rules.

And, well, I'm kinda glad it isn't a TJ's product, because it isn't all that great. The chief issues with the chewy chomping Chiclet wannabes is, they start off so incredibly minty that my sinuses would be cleared (which I kinda like) but within literally two minutes there's no flavor left at all (which I don't like at all). Seriously, goes from actually too much peppermint to none at all in no time flat with no happy medium. It's kinda like a sprinter who exerts too much effort from the start line to save anything for the finish line. There's another colloquialism or two I could use, but this is a family website. At least it's about the right consistency that would incline me to keep chewing if any it had more flavor that lasted any respectable amount of time. Other than that and the aforementioned value, meh. There's also a spearmint incarnation, which I doubt I'd like much better, as peppermint is usually higher up in the flavor hierarchy for me.

Sandy isn't as generally gung ho about gum as I am. She chews it occasionally on road trips but that's about it. "Meh, it's gum, and that's about it," she said. Yeah, at the end of the day, that's pretty much all that can be said. It's gum at a good price, with a cool package design and a name that tangentially reminds me of one of the most annoying Family Guy episodes ever. That doesn't mean it tastes great.

Bottom line: Gum's The Word Sugar Free Gum: 5 out of 10 Golden Spoons
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Trader Joe's Spinach & Kale Pie

If you're a fan of Trader Joe's Spinach and Kale Greek Yogurt Dip, and were ever like "Dude, I really wish I could eat something like this in a pie," guess what? Your prayers have been answered.

Although, I really wonder if the word pie was the best choice in this case. "Pastry" would seem to be slightly more accurate to me, but I've petitioned for that coveted Trader Joe's product-naming position repeatedly over the past few years and have yet to receive a response, so what do I know?

At any rate, this item turns out pretty well when cooked in the oven. It's extraordinarily flaky. Like, explosively flaky. Little bits of the crust wound up all over the table and floor as I crunched away each piece with my fork. But I was pleased with the taste. The crust was lightly buttery and croissant-like, flavor-wise.

The filling was very similar to the aforementioned spinach dip. And as was the case with the spinach dip, I definitely tasted spinach, but I really couldn't tell you if I tasted kale. Even after multiple dishes containing kale, I'm still not really sure if I know what it tastes like. That could be partly due to its blandness (but let's be kind and use the term "subtle flavor" instead). Or it may be due to the fact that kale and spinach are so similar in texture, flavor, and color, that it's completely pointless to put both of them into the same food together, except maybe to add a bit of exoticness to the name of the product. The only major difference between the spinach dip and the filling of this pastry is the absence of Greek yogurt in the latter.

With or without yogurt, spinach and kale would seem to be a healthy food choice. For a diet like mine, it might be a step in the right direction for the green roughage alone, but this particular item is chock full of sodium and saturated fat. The pie is pretty large, but not so large that a normal serving size is 1/6 of it. 1/4 of the pie seems a more realistic serving size to me, but you know how mathematically-creative people can be when drawing up the numbers for that Nutrition Facts column.

I think it's worthy of three stars. Sonia's going with three and a half on this one. Not bad.

Bottom line: 6.5 out of 10

Trader Joe's Petite Cocoa Batons

In honor of this particular petite product, I'm going to write only a petite (by my standards) review of Trader Joe's Petite Cocoa Batons. No tangential ramblings. No lengthy sidebars. No nothing but my straightforward opinion about the product at hand. Okay, here we go. 

Actually, that's just a polite way to say that there's nothing much to say about these mini choco-sticks. Well, to call them a stick, much less a baton, is a bit of an overstatement. To me, a baton is something able to be twirled about by a color guard member in a parade, and a stick is something I should poke my sister with. These, friends, are neither. Call them a teeny roll or micro-wonton, but don't call them a baton, because the only place these will be twirled with the all the freedom afforded by being baton is in your mouth or tummy because they're so small, like a quarter by half an inch, maybe. You can't even swish your coffee with these guys. It's not a baton. 

But they are petite, and they're certainly full of cocoa, but again, that's about all I can say. Imagine a wafery Cocoa Puff with a kinda creamy center, and that's about what these are. They're light, airy, and crispy, with a lil' dollop in the middle, and that's about it. If hungry, I could probably eat the whole box and not be remotely satisfied. After just a few of them, the taste doesn't do all that much for me, anyways. They're actually kinda boring. I suppose they could be a nice companion for that aforementioned cup of coffee as part of your a petit dejeuner, but other than that, I feel a little silly just munching on them as I sit on my couch writing this review. 

Anyways, Sandy likes 'em, with the disclaimer she'd prefer they sided more towards gran than petit. Me too. I'd imagine at least then there'd be something more we could do with these choco-batons than just munch them on down. Overall, they're probably not a repeat purchase unless when Baby M gets a little older and we want to give her a mini treat for doing something good....eh....they'll probably be discontinued by then anyways, which begs the question of why on God's green earth these or these are still available. Anyways, however you want to split our score below between Sandy and me, you're probably right.

 
Bottom line: Trader Joe's Petite Cocoa Batons: 5.5 out of 10 Golden Spoons