Trader Joe's Mango, Red Quinoa and Chicken Salad

Given that my last review covered both chocolate-covered potato chips AND pumpkin cheesecake, does it really surprise you that I thought to myself, "Hmm, maybe I should eat a salad?"

Salad can mean a lot of different things, of course. Perhaps it's a simple bed of greens and some light dressing. Maybe there's a flower-shaped radish around or it's heaped with croutons and Bacos (ugh) or it's every veggie in the book. Know what a traditional-style Pittsburgh salad is? Take lettuce, tomatoes, onions and other assorted veggies, toss together, then top with a half metric ton of cheese and a large mitt full of fries, top with some type of meat (sometimes steak, I prefer buffalo chicken) and then drowned in dressing (ranch or bleu cheese, usually, for me)..delicious, though not exactly healthy, and it renders the consumer immobile for about three hours afterwards.

A faithful reader on our Facebook page (if you're not a fan yet, why not? Click the thingy at the bottom!) tipped me off to the TJ's Mango, Red Quinoa and Chicken Salad, which sounded both delicious AND healthy to me. Like other really long named items, I'm just going to shorten this to the TJMRQCS from here on out. On a solo shopping trip, I got two of these, one for me and one for Sandy, with the intention that we have them for a work lunch, and for $3.99 each, not a terrible deal.

Let me tell you: I love this salad. It's tasty in pretty much every way possible. Open it up, and the bowl is literally packed with baby spinach which is crisp and leafy and fresh, with some carrot strings and diced onion. That's it for the veggie portion of the salad - simple yet fresh and tasty, and there's a deceptively copious amount of it in there. The mango? It's aside in a little cup, chopped up and ready to go on, and firm and sweet. Perfect. The red quinoa? Lots of it. It tends to tumble down towards the bottom, of course, but while kinda easy for the palate to skip over, it's there serving its role perfectly, adding some weight and merit to the whole package. And the chicken? I'll admit, it looks a little funky at first, kinda like it got marinated in lemon-lime Gatorade, with nary a noticeable explanation for its isotopic appearance on the label. Read the back a bit, or channel your inward intrepid food adventurer like me and just chomp on down, and you'll realize it's yellow curried to add a rich flavor dimension. And unlike other TJ dishes that tend to skimp on the meat, there's a pretty good, I'd even say appropriate, amount. And lastly, the coconut chile dressing...man. It kinda caught me off guard the first time I sampled it. You see, it starts out sweet and mellow, like coconut milk, with some mango (and perhaps lime) flavor, bordering on almost too sweet, before it drops the people's elbow with a load of chile-laden spice that I wouldn't have anticipated. It's absolutely fantastic tastewise, though it's kinda like slightly-watery mayo in its composure, so it plops instead of pours. I suppose you can dip your forkful instead, but when you also have quinoa, that makes it a harder task to complete successfully. That's the only minus I can think of, because on the whole, I can quantify the TJMRQCS as one of the best salads I've ever had, at least in the prepackaged variety. And naturally, because of the leafy roughage, lean protein, and grainy goodness, the salad is filling and will keep you going all day.

So...what did Sandy think? Wish I could tell you exactly. I'm almost certain she would've loved every bite of it, as the only potentially undesirable bits would be the onions that she could easily flick aside and carry on. Sandy took hers to work, and somehow, for some reason or other, forgot to eat it... *smh*...shame shame. I guess the preschool fish sticks were just too tempting for her, and since she has this fairly strict and sensible rule about never eating something past its supposed "best by" date, the window for her to try it this week has unfortunately passed. Doh. Fortunately for me, Sandy brought it back home, and since I lack such a strict and sensible rule, and hate for such things to go to complete waste, I had a bit of it with my lunch today to remind myself yet again how good it is. It was only two day's past its best-by date, and still impeccably fresh and not one bit funkified, so don't judge me, alright?

I think I've decided that TJMRQCS stands for more than just Trader Joe's Mango, Red Quinoa and Chicken Salad. It also stands for "Trader Joe's Made Russ Quite a Craziscrumptilicios Salad," because that they did. I can give it only the slightest of knocks for the dressing's consistency, and given how minor an offense that is when weighed against the whole, it seems only right that we have a new entrant into the "What's Good at Trader Joe's" Pantheon.

Bottom line: 9.5 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Trader Joe's Lemon & Triple Ginger Snap Ice Cream

Question our food knowledge, wisdom and experience as much as you want, but while both Nathan and I are proudly self-proclaimed foodie-hacks (i.e., a couple normal dudes), I am willing to proclaim myself an ice cream expert beyond dispute. Consider my credentials. Thanks to many family summer vacations in Vermont, I have been to the Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream Factory* innumerable times (at least twice a summer), so I have seen firsthand how some of the best ice cream around is made, and have probably tasted close to every flavor there. In my college years, I went to Penn State, home of the world famous Creamery, which if you haven't had their ice cream, you're seriously missing out. It's one of Bill Clinton's favorites, and you know that fella likes his frozen desserts. Now that I'm in Pittsburgh, I'm not that far away from great local shops like Dave & Andy's and Oh Yeah! which I frequent every so often for a cone or dish of dairy bliss. Needless to say, I've had lots and lots of regular grocery store-type brands over the years as well, as my gut bears witness to. And Sandy? Aside from puppies, fireworks at a Pirates game, and I hope yours truly, she probably loves ice cream more than anything else in this world. If she could have it every meal of thee day, I know she would and not think twice about it. Give her a sub-par bowlful though, she won't be too shy to voice her displeasure. A sure win of a date for the two of us is to grab the pooch and go out for a scoop. Trust us, we're experts.

So when we both say that Trader Joe's Lemon & Triple Ginger Snap Ice Cream may be some of the best ice cream we've ever had, that says one heckuva lot. As Sandy said between mouthfuls the first time we gobbled some down, "There's nothing bad that can be said about this." So true, wifey. The lemon ice cream base is subtly lemony, kinda sweet and tangy, but not over the top citrusy - there's just enough lemon to let you know it's there, and certainly won't make you want to pucker up. I'd say it's the perfect amount, because it accents the triple ginger cookie dough dry-swirled into the mix in just the right balance. If you've had the Triple Ginger Snaps from TJ's, you know exactly how good they are - a heavenly mix of crystallized, fresh and ground ginger made into cookie batter for a perfect ginger-spiced cookie. It is a fairly dry batter, so it doesn't exactly mix seamlessly in the ideal creaminess that is the lemony ice cream, but the whole consistency works well enough and it's so incredibly tasty that you just can't knock it. Overall, the ratio of cookie dough to ice cream is just about right. There was a pretty large vein of batter we unearthed towards the bottom in our particular carton, which made it seem a little bottom-heavy, but believe me, the two of us didn't mind it at all. The side of the container says each carton holds the rough equivalent of 15 cookies worth of dough, which seems about right to me.

Sandy and I chomped our way through the whole quart of this in only two sittings. Yes, we know, that's bad for you. Ice cream will kill you. Shame on us, yada yada yada. Right. Pick this up, take a taste, and try to put it down. You won't be able to. It's more addictive than Teletubbies for a two-year old. You can't not eat it, unless you're weird and don't like superlatively fantasterific ice cream, or you're some type of monk sworn to abstain from any and all types of earthly pleasure, which in that case I'd say you're missing out.

If I had to give a list of the best ice cream I've ever had, there's no way that this isn't near the top. If you're not familiar with the idea of "pantheon," in short, it's the best of the best, the summit of the mountain, if you will, that once someone or something achieves that level, it's impossible to rank it against others who have achieved that status. It's the most elite of statuses, and not an honor to be taken lightly. It's a Hall of Fame within the Hall of Fame (think Billy Williams vs. Ted Williams). Anyways, if I had to make an ice cream Mt. Rushmore, this would be right up there with the Creamery's Peachy Paterno, Ben & Jerry's Cherry Garcia and Chubby Hubby, and the offbeat but incredulously good bacon and Trix** combo from Oh Yeah!. It's that good, and if it makes the ice cream pantheon, you best believe it qualifies for the WGaTJ's one as well. Five from me, five from my lady, and I wish we had five more cartons in the freezer. Probably a good thing that we don't.

Bottom line: 10 out of 10 Golden Spoons

p.s. - Don't forget about our reader contest! See what you can win then read the rules and regs. One week left! How good are your chances!?!?!?
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
*Everyone who works at the Ben & Jerry's factory gets three free pints of ice cream a day. They're also owned by the same folks who own Weight Watchers. Talk about a sustainable business practice.
**Much better than the bacon and hops I had once, as well as the inadvertent wasabi that secretly snuck it's way into my dish once. Talk about an unpleasant surprise.

Trader Joe's Dark Chocolate Caramel with Black Sea Salt Bar

Like any married man, I have certain habits and tendencies that really bother my wife. A lot. One of my absolute worst offenses that I regularly commit is, Sandy wants to hold on to some tasty snacky treat. I see it in the pantry for, oh, a week, or more and figure it's fair game and start helping myself. One time, I swear, she had this box of Girl Scout Tagalongs for something like three months just sitting on a shelf, not even touched. Finally one day, I get hungry, see them, and say to myself, "Self, this is a good treat for which I am hungry. This is past any statute of limitations for any claim of right of spousal exclusivity. Indulge." So I did, and man oh man did I get the stinkeye once Sandy discovered that I dared break its seal to snatch away three measly treats. Just recently, there was this bag of jellybeans that we had since Easter which she hadn't touched since Donald Trump looked like a possible presidential candidate. I took them to work one day for a snack, a couple weeks go by, and she randomly decided maybe on Sunday she wanted them. Again, the stinkeye. It's enough of a regular thing that she now freely admits that she sometimes hides a stash of treats for herself away, like candied nuts or Christmas hard candies, because unlike me, she "doesn't have to eat everything right away." Oh, that girl.

What does all that have to do with this particular (and peculiar-sounding) chocolate bar? You'll read soon enough. First, let me tell you how amazingly good this is. It's so good, one of my good buddies randomly called me one night and first thing out of his mouth, he inquired, "Have you tried the Trader Joe's sea salt/caramel/dark chocolate bar? Holy cow, it's amazing." I didn't think chocolate was something one dude usually called another dude about, no matter how tasty, but I kinda rolled with it. Last week, Sandy and I made an over-the-state-border Trader Joe's run to, uh, procure some other products I'll be reviewing in the upcoming weeks and we started our TJ's shopping after a good dinner out (where I had, among other things, a remarkably good peanut butter coffee porter). In the mood for a good dessert and after a successful crazy taste combination, I saw this on the shelf and decided, what the hay, worth a shot.

A few miles down the highway on the way back home, Sandy and I decided to bust it out. Oh man. First, the chocolate. I'm a guy who has cut his sweet tooth on many a Hershey's milk chocolate bar, so that's what I'm used to. The darker, higher percentage cacao variety has never held much appeal for me - I can appreciate some types but find others to be too bitter for my taste buds. The TJ's bar is 70% cacao so I wasn't sure what to expect. I can only say I was fairly surprised as it was some of the tastiest dark chocolate I've ever had, and any bitterness was more than covered up by the silky rich caramelaliciousness oozing out of each square. Pretty fantastic by it's own right, but amazingly enough, add in the sea salt...out of this world. I wouldn't have guessed it, but the sea salt seems to accentuate the chocolate and caramel with this smoky undertone that just heightens both tastes. In every bite there's the chocolate, caramel, and sea salt, all present yet balanced and very complimentary of each other. I have never had anything that's tasted quite like this. Between the two of us we quickly wolfed down the entire bar, which consisted of eight roughly one-square inch bites to snap apart.

So, back to my opening tangent...I have decided turnaround is fair play. That's right, wifey, it wasn't just dog food I was planning to pick up Thursday night at Trader Joe's. I have listened to you and decided this is something I want to savor again and enjoy over the space of a few days, maybe even a week or more, instead of plowing my way through it first chance I have. And since I couldn't just let you interfere with this plan, I was going to go stash it away somewhere and keep all for me. Anyways, that was my plan, but...dang local TJ's ran out. All the other kinds of chocolate bars but not a single one of these, and believe me, I looked and begged and pleaded to no avail. Obviously, somehow, you discovered what my secret plan was and collaborated with TJ's to make sure they weren't available. Or maybe...wait... you bought them all and hid them all away from me now, didn't you? Oh my gosh, yes, that's what you did. I can't believe you. It's a good thing you're cute, otherwise...dangnabbit, wifey wins again.

Sandy gives it a four and a half, the only demerit because it "gets messy." Keep in mind, this was on a warm day in a Subaru with an air conditioning system that only kinda works, so when she busted it out and started breaking up the squares, it was a little melty and left a small, tasty deposit on our fingers. If it kept cool or even in the freezer, I'd imagine this wouldn't be an issue at all. My take? I gotta give it a full-out five. Unlike other flavor combos I've tried from TJ's, this is so well executed and makes such an unexpectedly crazy good treat. Well done, TJ's, well done.

Bottom line: 9.5 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Trader Joe's Heat & Eat Falafel

Growing up in a small town in central Pennsylvania, there weren't a whole lot of food joints around that sold falafel. I think I was aware of its existence at some point in college, but I never tried it until I lived in L.A., where they had Lebanese chicken places all over the city, most notably Roro's and a chain called Zankou. Both restaurants sold falafel. I tried it. Tasty. I'm definitely a fan of the versatile chick pea (garbanzo bean) and I always have been since I discovered them at the local Bonanza Steakhouse salad bar at the age of six.

With falafel, though, the chick peas are mashed up with some choice spices, rolled into little balls and then deep fried. I'm getting hungry just thinking about it...

This particular Trader Joe's variety comes frozen, although I've heard rumors of non-frozen, fresh falafel from TJ's, too. They actually suggest you reheat these frozen ones in the microwave, although the oven is an acceptable method as well. Before I filled my pita pocket with them or put any hummus on them, I just tried one plain. Delicious!

We ate them with Trader Joe's Smooth and Creamy Spicy Hummus. Ah, hummus, another brilliant chick pea derivative. This product doesn't lie. I totally agree that it's smooth, creamy, and spicy—but not too spicy. Just right. The flavors in here mixed very well with the falafel.

The inner circle (you can see it in the photo) is where all the spiciness comes from. There are dark flecks of some kind of peppery stuff in there. I think it's dark matter. I certainly hope all dark matter tastes this delicious, because our universe is quite full of it. If all dark matter is just like this, once we start really exploring the depths of space, let me tell you, we're in for a spicy future...

OK, that was weird. I just got all astronomical on you. Mainly to see if you were paying attention. But also because I needed a little filler to extend this section of the review beyond the photo of the hummus. It never looks quite right when I post multiple pictures in one review...Whatever, I know I'm weird.

Anyway, back to the topic...Finally, we ate the falafel and hummus in these Trader Joe's Soy Pita Bread pockets. Again, the perfect compliment to the other flavors present. Soy pita is just as good as regular pita. To tell you the truth, I couldn't really tell the difference. Maybe because there's almost as much wheat in these as there is soy. They're definitely not gluten-free. Whattaya gonna do?

So to summarize, we have a trio of big winners here. Especially the falafel. And it's all vegetarian. Let's take our final looks:

Trader Joe's Heat & Eat Falafel. Sonia gives it a perfect 5. I give it a 4.5. Bottom line: 9.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Smooth and Creamy Spicy Hummus. Double 4.5's. Bottom line: 9 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Soy Pita Bread. Sonia gives it a 4.5. I give it a 4. Bottom line: 8.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Organic Mango Passion Granola Cereal

So last Thursday, Sandy and I both took off from work for the day to go to the Pittsburgh Pirates' home opener. The two of us are both pretty hardcore baseball fans, especially when going to see games in person. Our friend Ryan, however, is probably the biggest, most hardcore Pirates aficionado in the entire metro area, and he organized a pregame tailgate for the game where Sandy and I, some of our mutual friends, and some of his coworkers were invited. Beautiful day, so Sandy and I decided to add to the fun by biking down to the game as we live only a handful of miles down a rec path from the stadium. Also, to make sure we had something we could eat while tailgating (keeping true to the meat-free Lent kick we've been on), we brought some veggie burgers along to grill up. When we got there, I immediately and self-consciously came to the realization that we were making an interesting first impression to Ryan's coworkers, who are mostly relatively straight-laced accountant-types. First, the bikes. Then, the vegetarian fare (aside from the burgers, I continually quality-checked the hummus). Add in my fairly bushy beard, and that's three major hippie/hipster* stereotypes we fit. If we only wore skinny jeans, had some Pabst in my pack and started gushing about the Avett Brothers the same way that a fifth grade girl would openly worship Justin Bieber ... anyways, I made the joke that we're not hipsters or hippies, I showered that morning, so on and so forth. It ended up being a pretty great time, though the Pirates' highlight was when the drunk college kid ran on the field in the ninth inning. Typical Pirates.

Anyways, to keep the notion of our non-hipster/hippie ways in play, it was probably best I didn't mention that earlier in the week I fell back in love with granola.

Seriously, Trader Joe's Mango Passion granola is really stupendously good, with the caveat that to enjoy it, you really have to like mangoes. I wouldn't say a fullout passion for them would be a prerequisite like the name suggests, but it definitely helps to have a good, healthy respect and affinity for mango goodness. I personally love mangoes and pretty much anything mango-flavored. This is one power-packed bowl of goodness. The granola itself is my picture of perfection - not too dry or hard, and the rolled oats are perfect in taste and texture. They're nutty, oatty, kinda earthy, wholesome-tasting, a little chewy like granola should be, with some bite to it. They're neither too sweet nor too plain - just the right balance. In the past I've bought granola from the bulk foods section at Whole Foods, and while some were pretty good, others were just too wrong. Not this stuff. The freeze-dried mango bits are pretty tasty too. I kinda wish there were more of them, but if you enjoy them in the fashion I prefer and pour some milk over it, I guess some of the sugars dissolve into the cow juice and spread out the sweetness so it permeates every crunch, while not overbearing the granola bits at all. I haven't read the ingredients list, so not sure what kind of extra stuff may have been put in, but the natural mango taste really seems to come through. The taste in each bite is just so consistently good. If you're a yogurt and granola type person, I'd imagine it'd be just as good, though not sure how the mango taste would spread out if at all. A dry handful was pretty satisfactory as well.

This stuff is filling as all heck too. You know that 10 a.m. test I described a few posts back? This granola completely wrecked the curve for that. Both days I had it last week, I felt a slight grumble in my gut maybe around 11 a.m. but even by my lunch break around noon or 12:30, I wasn't as hungry as all get out. Sure, I was glad when it was lunch (even gladder on the day I enjoyed one of my new lunchtime favorites) but I could've waited longer and been okay. That's a rare event for me, and for the granola to ace it two days in a row ... amazing.

Sandy loves it too. She packed some up for a morning snack. That night, we began talking about it. "It just tasted so ... so ... I don't know," she said, her face scrunching up in thought.

"Happy," I chimed in. "It tastes happy."

A light turned on. "Yes! Happy! That's it! I love it!"

This notion was reinforced tonight when I asked her to take the artful pic you see above. She was legitimately happy to snap the photo of "the box of sunshine and rainbows." I asked her if puppies belonged in there too. "Ooooh, yes, puppies too! And unicorns." So yes, if I had to choose one adjective to describe this product, I'd go with happy, and apparently Sandy agrees. This stuff is like the Michael Franti** of cereal ... Satisfyingly good, good for you, and keeps you full and energized, and definitely positive and happy. Sandy gives it a perfect five, and was pretty shocked when I mentioned I was considering scoring it just a slight notch below that. My only complaint is, as is about anything good, was that there wasn't more of it. The two of us got two breakfasts each out of the box, so four total ... then again, you shouldn't have to eat as much granola as you do regular cereal because it's that much more filling, and I got myself two large bowls of it, so that's more on me than the granola. I find myself agreeing with the wifey. Perfect five from me. In retrospect ... why the heck didn't we get this last night on our shopping trip? Hmmm ....

Bottom line: 10 out of 10 Golden Spoons
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
* Though I'm sure they're technically different, I use the terms hipster and hippie interchangeably. I just call it as I see it.
** Sandy and I saw him in concert a few months back ... amazing show. One of the best concerts I've ever been to ... the only one that tops it in my mind was when I saw George Clinton and Parliament Funkadelic back in college. Dang ... maybe I really am a hippie/hipster at heart.

Baker Josef's Chocolate Cake and Frosting Mixes

Since Russ mentioned Baker Josef in his last post, I thought now would be a good time to bust out a review of the Chocolate Cake and Frosting Mixes.

Now, let me break something down for you. I can't bake. I just barely got an "S-" in Home Ec in 9th grade. The "S" stands for "satisfactory," but the minus implies it's a little less than satisfactory, and just slightly above a "U" for "un-freaking-acceptable." I think they would have given me the "U" if I hadn't tried so hard. But I really did try, and I still failed miserably. So my teacher, though frustrated, had mercy on me. I remember my whole group was a little...shall we say "unskilled" in the culinary arts. All four of us needed a little extra grace in the kitchen. I remember one of our assignments was to bake rice krispy treats, and we wound up chiseling the blackened finished product out of the pan with a hammer and icepick. I'm not kidding.

So, the natural choice was to let my lovely wife prepare and bake this product. She presented it to me as a sort of late Valentine's Day present. So sweet. We also planned on giving a piece to one of our neighbors...but that didn't happen. We couldn't part with it. So. Freaking. GOOD!

Sonia's an adept baker. She says it was simple. She just added eggs, water, and butter to the cake mix, baked it according to the directions, and then added hot water and butter to the icing mix. Seems straightforward enough to me. But for some reason my IQ drops about 50 points when I'm in the kitchen, so I let her handle the whole thing. I do attempt to cook for my wife sometimes, but I don't want to screw up the dessert stuff. It would just be a big letdown for everyone involved.

I actually prefer white cake or red velvet. Not usually big on chocolate. But I must say...this was probably the best chocolate cake I've ever had. The icing was amazing, too. I wouldn't change a thing. The moistness and texture probably has a lot to do with the way Sonia baked it, but I gotta say, both of these mixes are big winners. Props to Sonia and her good friend Baker Josef.

And again, not sure about the ethnicity or the origin of this Josef fellow. But he seems to know what he's doing.

Double fives on both.

Baker Josef's Chocolate Cake Mix, Bottom line: 10 out of 10.
Baker Josef's Chocolate Frosting Mix: Bottom line: 10 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Trader Potato Tots

Xerox. Kleenex. Scotch Tape. These are all pretty commonly known, pretty commonly used terms we use that are actually trademarked brand names. Like, somebody asks you for a Kleenex, and you know to pass them a tissue, whether it's that brand name or not.

But tater tots?

Excuse me, I mean Tater Tots™.

Yes, Ore-Ida actually trademarked the term Tater Tots™ to refer to those little, crispy, semi-greasy, hot, salty, irresistible cylindrical logs of tasty, potatoey goodness known by any good red-white-and-blue-blooded kid ever subjected to cafeteria food in the past fifty years. And to most adults, too. I have yet to find anyone who doesn't like a good, heaping serving of tots, and if I were to find someone, I'd assume they either grew up in a cave on the moon or were a Cyborg. Most likely, both.

Anyways, that trademarking thing is a little unfair sometimes, I think. For instance, Trader Joe's wants to make Tater Tots™, and can't call them that for legal reasons, although they are universally colloquially known as such in the parlance of our times. So they have to come up with another name and the best they can do is "Trader Potato Tots." Yeah, try saying that five times fast (it's even tougher with your mouth full of them). So many things wrong with that name. I mean, what else would you make a tot out of that would lead you to specify it was made from a potato? I've never heard of a broccoli tot or kumquat tot or carrot tot or anything like that. I'm fine with "tater tot" because it's natural and easy to say; "potato tot" is not. And do I want to know what a "trader potato" is? For some reason that conjures up the image of a potato made out of tofu to me, which I don't think is possible (and may be more technically a "traitor potato"), which just isn't right. Don't mess with the goodness of a potato, especially in one of its finest incarnations as a tot. The best alternative for a name I can think of is Trader Tots, though I'm a pharmacy technician and not a trademark lawyer, so I don't know if that's consider too closely named to Tater Tots™.

Anyways, forget all that and let's start chomping. And chomping. And (I wish) more chomping. Needless to say, Sandy and I love these. We usually bake them up (if we had a deep fryer, we'd deep fry everything, even bacon) and plow them down as soon as they're cool enough to bite on down. They seem pretty much unsalted, so sometimes we sprinkle some on, or douse them with a little hot sauce. Sometimes, we just grab them by the handful and mash them on down the trachea. That's usually the nights we make them after going to the gym. The only thing semi-negative thing about them is, Sandy and I have been trying to watch what we eat, and we figure portion control is a good thing, so we try to eat only one serving of whatever we eat. According to the nutrition label, one serving of these guys is only ten tots! Find me anyone, other than my wife and a crotchety, stingy blue-haired cafeteria lady, who thinks eating only ten tots is a good idea. Impossible. If Trader Joe said I could eat more on the label, then I would be allowed. Sigh. On the plus side, you get a two pound bag for only about $2, which at our consumption rate makes them last a while, though certainly not by my choice.

I'm not describing much about what they taste like, because imagine an ideal, good, tasty tot, and yup, that what these taste like. Tots are a classic taste that's so comforting, so good, and honestly, so hard to mess up. Kinda like meatloaf in that regard, though I've had bad meatloaf (never yours, Mom or Megan), and have never ever had a bad tot. So our ranking reflects more of our general feeling towards tater tots .... which is total love. Five from the Mrs and you can take five from me ... uh, Sandy, I'm talking about Golden Spoons, you cannot take half of my allotted tots, you give those back right now! Sandy!!!!!

Bottom line: 10 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Trader Ming's General Tsao Stir Fry Sauce

There are nights, usually Fridays but not always, when Sandy and I simply look at each other because we're so hungry and feel like making next to no effort to get dinner made. For these times, there are four main options: a) popcorn b) freezer pizza c) pizza from the neighborhood shop, Eddie's Pizza Haus or d) China Lin delivery. A lot of those times, we choose China Lin. Popcorn isn't much of a dinner, we'd have to run out of the house for either pizza choice, and Chinese food is just good. I just love the idea of being able to make a phone call and have whatever kind of food delivered right to your door. It's not quite the food replicators from Star Trek, but, you know, it's about as close as we can get. It's always kinda awkward ordering from there, from having to repeat your order a couple times over the yelling lady taking it, to it being delivered half of the time by a ten year old kid. I'm always amazed that they always have it to us within twenty minutes, even though it takes half an hour to get to our place from anywhere because of all the stop signs in the neighborhood (if you're familiar with Morningside, you know exactly what I mean). Anyways, I almost always without fail order the General Tso's Chicken, just because it's so darn good. I've had one or two other things from there, and they seem a little sketchy, but the General Tso's always delivers.

Anyways, my sister got Sandy and I a Trader Joe's cookbook for Christmas this past year, and as we skimmed through it one night, we saw a recipe for General Tsao's Chicken Lettuce Wraps. Until this point, we were somehow completely ignorant of the fact that Trader Joe's Asian accomplice Trader Ming had some of the General's stir fry sauce, because I know we would have picked it up before if we were aware of its existence. This immediately became a must-buy for the next trip.

I tell you what: we had high hopes for it, and it did not disappoint one bit. The sauce itself is a good, rich, goopy concoction (think barbecue sauce for its composure) that had every bit of flavor that I have come to love and know from General Tso chicken. It starts with the sweet and tangy but a good level of spiciness kicks in to give it a good, full bodied taste. The one aspect of flavor that really stood out to me was a combination of garlic and red pepper that gave off a lot of heat and flavor without overpowering the rest. Fantastic stuff. We mixed it in with some chicken I pan-fried up then shredded, wrapped in some lettuce leaves, and served with rice. It was so good Sandy and I started pouring and mixing in with our rice, and before we knew it, we kicked the whole bottle. It was so good I couldn't help but scrape out what I could with my finger just to savor the flavor a little bit longer.

On our subsequent shopping visit, Sandy just picked it up and put it in the cart when I was probably sneaking as many free samples at the sample counter as I could, and didn't even know we got it until I began putting stuff away at home. As soon as I saw it grasped in my hand, my first thought was "Good call, wifey." Sure, it takes a little bit more effort to make something than to just call someone help to bring it right to you, but for the $3 (or cheaper) for the sauce that's right on par with the best that delivery can offer, it's worth it to spend the twenty minutes over a stove instead of stalking old high school friends on Facebook while waiting for Short Round to knock on your door. Because of this great discovery, I'd imagine we'll be ordering out less for Chinese food, especially since two dinners plus tip easily runs at least $20 if not more. Trader Ming, thank you for bringing this into our lives.

Sandy rates this stuff a strong and vibrant five. Her only complaint, as with anything truly good, was there wasn't more. I rate it almost as high, but can't quite give it a five for two reasons. First, I'm going to miss the free Tupperware that comes with delivery. Second, I've always seen it spelled as General Tso, this stuff is spelled as General Tsao, so I'm a little confused as to which one is actually correct (or if either one is, or if they both are ... I get confused easily). But I think despite these slight misgivings, I will enjoy it immensely, and I'm already looking to our next knockoff Chinese feast, so a four and a half rings true to me.

Bottom line: 9.5 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Trader Joe's Chicken Tikka Masala

Loved it!!!

How about calling this Trader Jograj's Chicken Tikka Masala? It tastes just as authentic as the food from the best Indian restaurants I've been to. And that's saying a lot. I really like Indian food, and there are some killer Indian restaurants back in L.A., so my standard was set pretty high.

TJ's really went above and beyond with this dish. Everything down to the Basmati rice was phenomenal. The texture of the chicken is excellent, there's a good amount of sauce, and the real kicker is that they got the flavor right. The Indian spices that give Chicken Tikka Masala that unique taste were all present in the proper amounts and proportions. There might be some Indian restaurants in this country that can do slightly better with fresh ingredients and a hefty price tag, but if you're looking for better frozen, microwaveable Indian food than this, I think you're searching in vain.

Our side dish was Trader Joe's Channa Masala. This item is a noble effort on TJ's part, indeed, but I'm not quite as impressed with it as I was with the chicken. There's plenty of tasty masala sauce, and the chick peas are plentiful (or "Garbanzo beans," if you prefer), but they were a little too hard. They tasted fine, but they were just a bit stiff. I know I'm being pretty picky. It's a pretty tall order to ask for microwaveable Indian food that's on par with a gourmet restaurant. I think TJ's did the impossible with the Chicken Tikka Masala, and they came darn close with the Channa.

Trader Joe's Whole Wheat Tandoori Naan bread is in the same league as the masala dishes. It's almost too good to be true. Some huge Indian food connoisseurs might tell you the naan is better at their favorite 5 star Indian eatery, but again, we're talking about a grocery store product that's a fraction of the price that can be heated in the oven or microwave. I really can't complain. It's whole wheat, so it's good for you. It's a bit thicker than the naan I'm used to from Indian restaurants. I wouldn't say that's a weakness for it, though. It might not be identical to the most authentic naan's, but it's puffy and thick, and that gives it a heartier quality.

All in all, I'd say if you love Indian food, you'll love Trader Joe's, er, Trader Jograj's offerings. I highly recommend them...even if you're not familiar with Indian food, TJ's might be a good place to try out different dishes without making the same monetary investment you would at a fancy restaurant.

Trader Joe's Chicken Tikka Masala gets a 5 out of 5 from me. Sonia gives it a 4.5. Bottom line: 9.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Channa Masala, the Garbanzo bean dish, gets a 4 from me. 4 from Sonia. Bottom line: 8 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Whole Wheat Tandoori Naan gets a 4.5 from me and a 5 from Sonia. Bottom line: 9.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Peanut Brittle

Dear Trader Joe's Peanut Brittle,

Um, I'm always terribly awkward when it comes to stuff like this. I haven't been trying to avoid you. I know you see me whenever I pass by in the grocery aisle, and probably want to get my attention, but I barely glance over and acknowledge you. I don't find you untasty or undesirable or anything like that - quite the opposite, in fact - but, I guess, because of me and who I am, I just need to move along. It's not you, certainly not you, it's ... just me.

Let me attempt to explain. I remember the first time I saw you, on a wooden shelf brimming of promise of tastiness and extra large peanuts. You simply looked marvelous and I could not resist grabbing a boxful and bringing you home as my wife-allotted "one treat" for the week. But then, once you came home, it was back to another wooden shelf. I let you get lost in a time of homemade cookies and treats and sweets and all sorts of great deliciousness the holiday season brings. I almost forgot about you - I mean, I knew you were there, but there were snickerdoodles and buckeyes and pizzelles and chocolate mint guys and, and .... and all this other stuff. I know you're technically not just a holiday treat, but I regarded you as an afterthought. Please forgive me for that. I mean, I know you're mass-produced for profit, not lovingly, thoughtfully handcrafted like others, but that doesn't mean you can't be amazingly delicious as well.

I remember when I first saw and experienced you for what you truly are. Sandy and I had munched our way through most of our cookies but needed some other treat to crunch on for one of our lazy couch-puppy-Netflix nights. She's the one who said, you know, maybe it's about time we gave you a try. I remember opening the box and foil package inside and then seeing you, beautiful, sweet, thick, nutty, salty, crunchy you, big pieces worthy of several mouthfuls mixed with small delightful bites. I have never seen a peanut brittle that looked like you. And your taste - oh, how it filled me with wonder, with salty-sweet comfort, with the thought of some how, some way, everything was just right with the universe at that moment (inside my mouth, at least). Amazing, like you meant for only me, except by the look in Sandy's eyes I knew she was having the same experience. Here I am, a former journalism major, one who trained and learned how to try and convey thoughts and truths into words on a page, and yet I feel a struggle to even words that sound like what I thought at that moment and time.

I know this sounds over-dramatic, and perhaps a little silly because our time together was so short (was it even ten minutes before Sandy and I ate every bit of you we had?), but I think I love you. No, I do. I do love you. You are perfect, absolutely perfect, and for those brief moments we truly shared, I will treasure forever.

But there's me here too. I know it may be tough for you to understand, being an inanimate food product and all, but I cannot buy you again, at least not on a regular basis. I just don't feel like I can control myself around you. If I buy you again, you'd be gone before I parallel-parked the Subaru outside my front door. There's a reasonable chance you might not make it through the checkout line. Mothers shopping there would have to shield the eyes of their small children from the sight of the wild-eyed, red bearded guy who could not stop from shoving you into my mouth. Sandy would have to decide between grabbing her own boxful or taking me on in a Hunger Games-esque death match for you. And we just can't have that. That, and I'm not sure how well you fit in a healthy balanced diet that I try to delude myself into thinking that I eat.

It's not you. It's me. It's a cliche, I know, but so true. I want you but know I cannot have you.

Please understand if next time I go to Trader Joe's, I don't buy you. I'll try to at least smile and nod in your direction, but even that, I fear, may tempt me beyond my boundaries. Please know what you have meant to me, and know that as long as I walk this earth, I will probably never ever find a peanut brittle as delicious, crunchy, nutty and satisfying as you. Never change.

From my heart,

R
--------------------------------------------------------------------

Seriously, this stuff is the shiznit. Buy at your own risk. Double fives.

Bottom line: 10 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Trader Joe's Soy Chorizo

Hey everybody! What's Good at Trader Joe's has a new contributor! So it's been a while since this blog has been updated ... my old college buddy Nathan's been busy moving across the country or something ... and my wife Sandy and I (Russ) happen to pretty big TJ's fans ... so hopefully you'll be seeing at somewhat regular posts by me. We're hoping this blog, while a work in progress, will be a fun way to share about the good, mediocre, and nausea-worthy stuff we find on the shelves at TJ's. Nathan made this sound better up top.

Anyways, enough about that. Let's talk about fake meat product.

If you know anything about me, you know that I like food. And I like my food to taste like what it actually is - a steak to taste like a steak, coffee to taste like coffee, beer to taste like beer, etc. Sandy, on the other hand, is a little different. She likes her coffee to taste like caramel apples (this is what her choice of creamer tells me) and she loves to use black beans to make brownies (which I don't really get ... I just pretend they're actual brownies and go with it). She also loves fake meat. No, not like Spam. Like Morningstar Farms soy chicken products and "chicken" at Whole Foods and stuff like that. She's not vegetarian (she doesn't like vegetables enough to be), but she just loves the fake meat. I've tried it, and honestly, for me, if you want something that tastes like a piece of chicken, have it be the actual bird. It's nasty enough what they do to a chicken to turn it into a box of McNuggets, and I don't want to think of the additional steps of nastiness required to turn a handful of tasty-in-their-own-right beans into that.Anyways, I guess it was her affinity for all things soy that led us to the original purchase of Trader Joe's Soy Chorizo. It sounded interesting to her, and I guess for the $1.99 and her happiness, we put it in the cart. We got home, put it in the freezer (it does freeze well) and a few nights later, decided it was time to try. I did not have high hopes. First off, the very name is a lie if you know any Spanish. Soy Chorizo = "I am sausage".* No, you're beans, not delectably ground up little piggies. Then the way it is packaged is somewhat of a lie. It's tubular shaped, and comes in plastic casing, which originally lead me to believe this was a grillable-type of chorizo. So I go out, put it in on the grill (anything is better grilled), and once it gets even somewhat hot, it starts crumbling into a mess. Not good. I take the pieces I can salvage and not knowing what else to do, come back inside, put in a frying pan, and start cooking it. I explain this to Sandy, we re-figure out our dinner plans, and decide to make a go of it. Not knowing what else to do, I think we ended up tossing in some black beans and rice once the chorizo was crumbled completely and beginning to brown. We also had some salsa to stir in along with some cheese, and either tortillas or tortilla chips. Finally, it was time to take the first bite ...

Freaking. Awesome.

For a soy-based meat product, it's really good. Scratch that. It's just really good, period. It's spicy, but not overly. The chorizo when cooked also has just a little of the requisite gristle so it's hard to remember that it's not actual meat. When made with rice, beans, and other stuff (our favorite way to have it), it really seems to hold it all together without dominating the other tastes. I think it'd be a pretty good meat substitute for anything ground meat would be needed for in a spicier dish, like chili, tacos, or hotter pasta sauces. It's not anything you can shape or form into a patty or loaf, so burgers and the like are out, but it tastes better mixed into things as opposed to standing on its own anyways.

This has become a "must buy" nearly every time we shop at TJ's - Sandy and I always ask each other how much milk we have left, how many eggs, and if we still have any soy chorizo in the freezer. It's almost become that much of a staple - I'd say we eat it probably at least every other week. We heartily recommend trying it out just as described above - with black beans, rice, your favorite salsa, cheese, and tortillas. Sandy calls it our "everything we love in a bowl meal", which I think sums it up pretty well.

I think Nathan did the star rating thing. I'll use the same methodology, except instead of stars I'll use golden spoons. I give it a rock solid 4.5 golden spoons (it's tough to get 5), Sandy's busy so I can't ask her but I think she'd give it a 5, 

so 9.5 golden spoons out of 10.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*It occurred to me after writing this sentence that it might not have been a lie after all. If TJ's wanted me to read into the Spanish meaning of the product name, they probably would have marketed it under Trader Jose's, not Trader Joe's. We call it "I am sausage" anyways because it sounds funnier, and it's so good, I'm not going to argue with it.

Trader Joe's Strawberry Kiwi Juice

Yummy-licious! We like it. We like it a lot. We may have a new favorite beverage from TJ's here. The long-time champ, Pomegranate Limeade may have just been de-throned by the Strawberry Kiwi Juice. This sexy blend of those good-for-you fruit pals, strawberry 'n kiwi, has got it all. It's got flavor, it's not bad for you, it comes from TJ's, you can recycle the bottle and get 5 or 10 cents back for it, it's nutritious, it's delicious, it'll make you run faster and jump higher, it's a magical cure-all that takes you to a fantasy world of love and eternal happiness... All that for just $3.49! No, we didn't spike it. We just had it straight. It's sweet enough for me, but not too sweet for Sonia. It tastes like real fruit. This might be the first beverage I've had where you can actually taste strawberry and kiwi. And not like fakey type strawberry 'n kiwi, either. Despite its definite sweetness, it has a complex flavor. An official taster might describe it like so: (Think of this being said by an aristocratic wine-critic with a fake English accent) "The attack of this beverage is delightfully fruity, yet suitable for sophisticated palates. From there, a bouquet of fine fresh strawberries delights the senses, with just a suggestion of flinty undertones. The exquisite juice finishes with a faintly acidic wash across the tongue, inviting the partaker back for another indulgent taste." Yeah. We give this one a perfect 10.

Trader José's Chunky Salsa

<gasp> This stuff's made in Needham, Mass? Well, this stuff ain't made in San Antonio, but I still think it's a good salsa. Actually it's only sold and distributed from Needham, Mass., and I'm not sure where it's made. Could be New York City for all I know. In this case, it looks like our good friend Trader Jose hopped the border and made straight for the northeast.

I'm happy with it, but I am a yankee, and I apparently cannot be considered a connoisseur of fine salsas. To me, it seems chunky, just like the label says, and it has plenty of flavor. It's got just a little kick, but it won't burn your mouth.

It's OK if a salsa burns your mouth some, as long as it's got the sabor to back it up. ('Sabor' is Spanish for 'flavor.' Have you seen those billboards where it says something like "Experience true sabor." I guess 'sabor' is a real Spanglish word now. We'll go ahead and define the Spanglish term 'sabor' as "flavor, as it pertains to any food or beverage imported from a Latin country, or a Tex-Mex inspired food, such as this salsa.")

Now my wife, who is 1st generation Mexican-American, has the authority to declare this a good salsa, despite the fact it's made in (or at least distributed from) New England. And she actually likes it more than I do. So that says something.

I think they have hotter versions of the same salsa. I guess this is the mild variety. There's a little graph in the shape of a chili on the side of the jar that shows you how hot it is, and the chili is 1/3 red. I'm guessing medium is 2/3 red, and so on. I'll have to try the hotter ones too at some point. For this kind, I give Four and a half Stars. Sonia gives Five Stars. Bottom line: 9.5 out of 10.

Mikawaya Mochi Ice Cream

So...I know this is cheating because technically this mochi isn't Trader Joe's brand, but if you're shopping at TJ's a lot, you need to try these, and I've never seen them anywhere other than Trader Joe's.

For those of you unfamiliar with mochi ice cream, it's a sort of soft, dessert-ish, rice-based shell filled with ice cream, and, ohmyfreakinggosh, it's good.

I guess Mikawaya is a Japanese company. It wouldn't surprise me if these puppies are imported from the Orient. They're a little pricey: in the ballpark of $3 for six little ice cream ball things...but trust me, it's worth it. If you buy them individually at a mochi ice cream restaurant in Little Tokyo, for example, you might pay $1 for each one. So six for $3 is a bargain. Plus, the quality is on par with ones I've had from an actual mochi parlor. They're amazing.

My favorite flavors are strawberry and vanilla. Chocolate is OK...only get the green tea flavor if you LOVE green tea. I've never had mango, but I hear it's not bad.

Next time you're in the frozen section of TJ's, pick up a box. They're scrump-dilly-icious. Bottom line: 9.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Organic Tomato Bisque

Of all the things I would have guessed to be absolutely bursting with flavor, it wouldn't have been tomato soup. But this tomato bisque is quite possibly the best tomato-based soup I've ever had of any brand, anywhere.

Sonia and I like to grill up cheese sandwiches on the George Foreman and dip them in this soup. Simply amazing. We use whole wheat bread or multi-grain bread with Havarti cheese. That seems to go pretty well with this bisque. But just by itself or with saltine crackers is good, too. We haven't tried it yet, but I bet you could use this as a sauce for pasta.

Pick it up for $1.99 a can.

I give it Five out of Five Stars. Sonia does, too. Bottom line: 10 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Pomegranate Limeade

Sweet & Tart indeed! This beverage has become a staple around our house. We love it. At $2.69 a bottle, it's one of the more inexpensive juices to be found at Trader Joe's. Another plus: this beverage is sweetened with real cane sugar, not high fructose corn syrup. We highly recommend this product. Five out of Five Stars from Nathan...Five out of Five Stars from Sonia. Bottom line: 10 out of 10.

Trader Ming's Mandarin Orange Chicken

Sonia and I loved this stuff! Delicious. Restaurant-quality. Sonia cooked these on our stove and served them with TJ's instant brown rice. It was great. The chicken was crispy, tender, and flavorful. The sauce was perfect. Sonia isn't a fan of things that are super-sweet, but even she really liked it. There's just the right balance of orangey sweetness and exotic tanginess. 

I'm a big fan of pretty much any orange chicken. But Trader Joe's really nailed this one, and I would say this is on par with $10-a-plate Chinese restaurant orange chicken. Sonia bought some P.F. Chang's frozen orange chicken the week before we had this one. It was good, but we both agreed the TJ's brand was significantly better. And, Trader Ming's Mandarin Orange Chicken was cheaper, just $4.99! 

We both highly recommend this product. Four and a half Stars out of Five from Nathan...Five out of Five from Sonia. 

Bottom line: 9.5 out of 10.