Trader Joe's Organic Reduced Sugar Cherry Preserves

This originally was gonna be a post about Trader Joe's Pumpkin Spice Scone Mix with Maple Flavored Frosting. Cuz, you know, it's seasonal and all, and I for whatever uncharacteristic reason am on some sort of pumpkin spice kick, and given the Rodgers' historic oven-related troubles, Sandy and I figured we were the ones for the job. But somehow in between taking pictures and transferring to my computer, they got eaten. The pictures, not the scones. Well, the scones did get eaten too...but that's another story, and won't go into too much detail on them in case they get revisited later.

Late night scrounge the fridge time then, gotta find something to review...well, hey, here's Trader Joe's Organic Reduced Sugar Cherry Preserves. What else are we gonna do? Got a lot of time left in pumpkin spice season after all.

You might remember that a little while back us yinzers here went on a whole spree with the blueberry preserves. That stuff was the bomb, so would that make this a...cherry bomb? Eh, not quite. I'd say the overall quality of the product is about there - similar mouthfeel, similar texture, spreadability factor high, etc - but at the same time, it's missing a small something, and what it is, I'm not sure.

It's still very good. There's a mild, smooth tartness that ends with a slightly sweet finish. It's almost - but not quite - just like eating straight cherries, except without the pits, of course. But maybe that's it right there. Fresh, juicy ripe cherries are sweet and tart and vibrant and just downright delectable in almost every way. That's not that sense here, not in the same way as the blueberry preserves. Some of the potency gets a little lost in translation.

No matter. It's the current jam of choice for our oldest daughter, who loves it matched with some sunflower spread for a school lunch sandwich. Sandy and I will slather some on some fresh baked bread from our local coffee shop, and really, we've been slacking on the opportunity to put it on a grilled cheese sandwich. Our youngest daughter hates it, though, which I think is hilarious. I *think* she normally like cherries...she's a little weirdo. Eh well. Decent enough jam, and maybe it's a last little remnant of summer to bring into the fullness of fall. Pumpkin spice can wait.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Organic Reduced Sugar Cherry Preserves: 7.5 out of 10 Golden Spoons.

Trader Joe's Apple Cider Jam

Today's sign of the apocalypse: Russ reviewed a pumpkin item before I did, and I'm reviewing the first apple cider product of the year. 

But I certainly don't regret it. Because this stuff's deee-licious.

Yep. There's more to the tastes of fall than just pumpkin spice. And honestly, I was more eager to try this fascinating condiment than any of the new "Pumpkin Joe's" items I've seen so far. Haven't you heard? Apple cider jam is the new cookie butter.

My goodness. Where do I start? It's absolutely bursting with apple bits. Chunky style. It's still quite spreadable, but there's more than enough apple pieces to make it substantial. The syrup is sweet, but not overly so. And it actually tastes like cider, not just apples or apple juice. They really nailed the blend of fall spices if you ask me. Just the smell from the jar alone is enough to make you want to put on flannel and jump in a pile of autumn leaves.

Sonia says it reminds her of the filling in a McDonald's apple pie. Really, my love? I mean, sure, there are apple chunks and golden syrup in both cases, but I'd argue the quality here is head and shoulders above those cardboard-clad fast food confections. Plus, there's not a whole lot in the way of a spice blend there with the Golden Arches' offering.

She's also hung up on the price. $3.99 for a small jar does seem a bit steep. We're going through it fast. Like, it'll be gone somewhere between 24-48 hours after first opening it—which is both a testament to its delectability as well as its diminutiveness. Honestly, I could eat the stuff straight out of the jar with a spoon and be perfectly happy. But this jam really shines when served on toast with a little butter. It turns an ordinary slice of bread into a first-rate fall pastry.

Upon my initial taste, I was really thinking this spread was headed for the Pantheon. Sonia was slightly less enthused. She was torn between three and a half and four stars. I went ahead and selected four on her behalf. I'll throw out four and a half myself. 

Now I'm eagerly awaiting Pear Cinnamon Cider Jam and Honey Crisp Cider Jam.

Bottom line: 8.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Organic Apple Banana Fruit Sauce Crushers

Sonia and I are thinking about having kids now that we know these little apple sauce pouches exist. We've been debating the pros and cons of procreating ever since we got married 8 years ago, and the debate always came down to:  "But think of how awful it will be when we pack our kid's lunch for school and we stick a little plastic cup of apple sauce in next to Johnny's sandwich and then we forget to put a spoon in the bag. He'll be taunted by his classmates ruthlessly—scarred for life, looking back on the day he had apple sauce smeared all over his face while striving in vain to lick the remaining sauce out of the cup with only his tongue."

"Also, I don't want to bring anyone into a world where apple banana sauce isn't a thing," Sonia would often interject as a closing thought to the conversation.

"Right, then it's settled," I'd say, as we'd both proceed to go about our child-free lives with clear consciences.

But of course this product shoots holes all through that argument. I mean, there's still the "I don't want my kids to grow up in a post-World War Three apocalyptic nuclear wasteland" argument, but that scenario has always seemed far-fetched compared to the "cup of apple sauce, no spoon" one.

Recently, I've seen these little squeezable apple sauce pouches everywhere. I guess it started with GoGo squeeZ, but now everybody and his brother has their own version—including, of course, Trader Joe. Just to be clear, we'll be reviewing the Trader Joe's version today—in case you didn't catch on to the theme of this blog...and all of our previous 1,030 reviews.

And honestly, this is the first squeezable apple sauce product I've ever tried, of any brand. So I won't really be able to compare it to any of the leading brands. I'm sure they're all quite similar. But I must point out at this juncture that this one is not only gluten-free (did anyone assume otherwise?) but organic and vegan as well. Eat your heart out, Amazon-owned Whole Foods stores with suddenly semi-reasonable prices.

These TJ's "crushers" are $2.69 for four, by the way. Not bad, considering how much packaging there is here. I know, I know, we're sacrificing a bit of "greenness" and cash for the sake of convenience—and the self-esteem of countless grade school children nation-wide.

Flavor-wise, it's a beautiful balance of bananas and apples, with apple shining through just slightly more prominently than its counterpart. I think I rather prefer the taste of this to plain apple sauce. Texture-wise, it's ever so slightly thicker than traditional apple sauce, by virtue of the pureed bananas. The pouch, with its little nozzle at one end, functions very well, and if you work at it for a minute, you can quite satisfactorily squeeze every last drop of the sauce out from the bag. Delightfully practical.

These would make great travel snacks for anyone, not just kids. They'd be great for hiking, camping, or even driving to work. We very well may purchase these again. There are a couple other flavors: Apple, Apple Strawberry, and Apple Carrot—any or all of which we may give a try.

Four stars from me, four stars from Sonia.

Bottom line: 8 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Organic Strawberry Lime Agua Fresca

Ah, with all this rain we've been getting here on the east coast, we haven't had quite as much need for refreshing beverages as of late, but here and there we still have hot days, and lawns still need mowed, and shrubbery that's been left to grow wild, untrimmed, and unchecked by unruly tenants still needs clipped, and houses with no air conditioning and cat urine-soaked carpets still need cleaning on the inside...so needless to say, we still work up significant cravings for liquid refreshment on those days.

Sonia's very happy we reached for this flavor of agua fresca to quench our thirsts. I'm still not blown away, but this is my personal favorite flavor so far.

In case you missed either of them, our crack team of Trader Joe's product-reviewing extraordinaires has already reviewed the Hibiscus variety as well as the Pineapple Mango Mint flavor. As for this Strawberry Lime edition, it seems to me one could just take a sweeter beverage—say, the now-defunct Trader Joe's Pomegranate Limeade or Trader Joe's Organic Strawberry Lemonade and simply dilute them with one part water for every one part juice and come up with a very similar effect...or maybe just leave a glass of one of those beverages out in the rain for an hour or two. 

You could come back, and be like, "Oh look! God has miraculously multiplied my delicious fruit juice and given me twice as much!" And then if a friend pointed out the obvious fact that it was the rain and not necessarily a miracle, you could act all injured that your friend was insulting your faith and then point to the additional miracle that not only did your beverage grow in quantity, but it changed from a sticky, sugary-sweet diabetes trap to...you guessed it: agua fresca!

Sonia likes the lightness of the flavor but does add: "It's not like Mexicans don't like sugar." That's her way of admitting that the flavor could be a little more intense and sweet. Nevertheless, she gives it four and a half stars, an impressive score indeed. In light of her very high score, I'll match this product with the last agua fresca we looked at and throw out three stars.

Finally, here's a short video "review" that plays more like a spec spot for Trader Joe's. Wanna hire us for some TV or internet ads, Big Joe?

 

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Organic Reduced Sugar Wild Blueberry Preserves

Here is the easternish part in the ol' U-S-of-A, there's two main types of blueberries, at least as far as I can discern. One I'll call the "New Jersey blueberry." Those are the huge, round ones, can be as big as marbles. No Chris Christie jokes, please.While they can be sweet, more often than not, those berries tend to be a little more bland to downright sour, and can be mushy very easily. There's not a whole lot necessarily wrong with them - as a kid in suburban Philly, we'd often cross the Delaware River and pick a few quarts for pies and whatnot - but they're not the "good ones" compared to their brethren, what I'll call the "Maine blueberry."

Wild Maine blueberries are the bomb. Small, potent, often extra sweet naturally, without anything else added to them. I associate them with Maine because I can recall picking and eating them right on the spot on family vacations visiting my grandparents and traipsing around the south central part of the state.

Seeing as that Trader Joe's Organic Reduced Sugar Wild Blueberry Preserves is both very sweet, with smaller looking berries in here, it seems a no-brainer that some berries akin to my preferred Maine blueberries are used. It's also a Canadian product, so probably Canadian berries, and NJ is a bit further away from Canada than Maine, so...there's that, eh?

As one should expect from preserves (as opposed to jelly or jam), this is some think, chunky stuff, with the emphasis on the fruit. I swear there's whole berries in almost every bite. It's simplistic enough of a recipe for sure, almost bordering on what you Aunt May would do while canning her own. No hint of anything fake. Except...probably less sugar. It seems odd that a concoction that is composed of 7/18ths added sugar is considered "reduced", and I think I just got a cavity thinking of how much must be in normally sugared jam. Ugh. Anyways, as I said, it's thick and chunky, and almost bordering on a high quality pie filling-type consistency. Yumz.

Delicious stuff, it really is. It's enough that my daughters have asked for "yogurt with blueberry jam" for breakfast every morning for the past week - pictured is our second jar in as many weeks. Seems healthyish enough I don't mind giving it to them so often. And I'll admit to eating it straight off the spoon. Anything else you'd like to do with some good preserves - scones, toast, alongside some cheese, etc - go for it, it'll work. And all for a very reasonable price - only $2.99 for the jar! Nice!

Really can't argue or find many nitpicks - I can't, Sandy can't, our kids can't. Our five year old gave it a perfect score, and I can't argue that. Tastes like summer in a jar - this might be our main jam for now on.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Organic Reduced Sugar Wild Blueberry Preserves: 9.5 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Trader Joe's Cashew Apricot Date & Nut Bites with Coconut & Citrus

Oh goodness. Vacation. All. That. Food. And junk. Lots and lots of junk food.

Please tell me it's not just us.

In our regular day-to-day lives, Sandy and I try to reasonably limit our unhealthyish indulgences to maybe a small portion a day. But on our recent vacation - game on. Chips, candies, cookies, pie, cheese curls, whatever else - oh yes. All that. And ice cream. Oh goodness. If you're ever in the area of Penn Yan, NY, you gotta go to The Spotted Duck. We went there regrettably only twice, including our last official trip stop, and I'd easily consider making the 10 hour round trip just to go there again, it's that awesome.

All this to say, I still got a case of the snackies now that I'm home, but I need something healthy to counterblanace all that...so it was great time to discover Trader Joe's Cashew Apricot Date & Nut Bites with Coconut & Citrus.

You could tell me these bites were a Larabar test product and I'd believe you. There's that very similar vibe, with soft chewy dates making up the body of the bar with nuts densely interspersed. I've grown to enjoy that kinda texture from most Larabars, and it's much the same here. Cashews are a great nutty choice - so much better than either peanuts or almonds IMHO - and I like how the dried apricot adds fruity flair and natural sweetness. The zested citrus peel adds a bright, somewhat unexpected finish - a real nice touch that sets these apri-nut bites apart.

Haven't mentioned the coconut yet. That's because while I'm not opposed to its presence, if I had to choose one ingredient to axe, that'd be it. There's so much else going on, the coconut just isn't terribly necessary, and the fibery specks do mess the texture up a small bit. Not awfully much, but enough to make note.

And another small note: the packaging. The outer bag isn't the problem. It's what's inside. Each bite is individually wrapped in a sealed plastic wrapper that's almost big enough for two bites. That's just unnecessary. I get that TJ's wouldn't want the date bites to stick together, but there's goota be a better solution than that.

So aside from a few small quibbles, we like them a bit. I'd consider them Paleo friendly as the only questionable ingredient is rice flour on the dried fruit...meh. Any way I look at it, the date and nut bites are a healthier bet than the half pound of Sour Patch watermelon chewies I gobbled on vacation. Or the quarter of a grape pie. Or the numerous scoops of ice cream. Or the...you get the point. Check 'em out for $3.99 for the sack. Yums.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Cashew Apricot Date & Nut Bites with Coconut & Citrus: 7.5 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Trader Joe's Calamansi Cooler

If you were to juice an octopus or squid and turn it into a drinkable cocktail, it might be a faint clear-yellow-orange color, and you might call it Calamari Cooler.

Because of its unfamiliarity, the word "calamansi" didn't exactly roll off our tongues, so we opted to be silly and call this drink "Calamari Cooler." We'd pour a can into a glass and offer our guests some Calamari Cooler and were met universally with surprise and/or disgust.

Only then would we explain that we were just being weird because that's just kinda what we do and then we'd show them the can. Neither Sonia nor I nor a single one of our friends had heard of the calamansi fruit before encountering this beverage. We Americans are so sheltered when it comes to exotic fruits. Thank goodness for Trader Joe and his daring ventures into Southeast Asia.

It's a strange flavor, especially at first. But it certainly grew on me since my initial reaction. It really does fall very close to a lemon-lime sort of taste, but there's something else there that's very difficult to put my finger on—almost something tangerine-esque. Sonia thinks it might be more like grapefruit.

The flavor is light, refreshing, and not very intense at all except for some moderate tartness. Despite the fact that sugar is the second ingredient, it's not overly sweet.

It's a nice summer beverage for sure. We'll probably buy it again to beat the summer heat. $2.99 for four cans. Four stars from Sonia. Three and a half from me.

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Pineapple Mango with Natural Mint Flavor Agua Fresca

We've come across obscene amounts of mango products from TJ's over the years, including a beverage or two. We've been braving mango drinks and reviewing them here since 2010. The flavor of this one isn't such a far cry from other authentic mango juices, although this one's much thinner than anything that might be called "nectar," or really even anything called "juice." It's cool, fresh, flavored water.

You really could replicate the flavor of this stuff by taking ordinary mango nectar, adding water, a dash of pineapple juice, and simply brushing your teeth before taking a swig. Same effect. Okay, not really. The mint here tastes slightly more pleasant than Colgate, although it seems a bit out of place somehow. It sounded good when I read it on the label, but in actual practice, I'm not a huge fan.

Sonia grew up with aguas frescas in her native sunny Southern California. Some of her favorites included tamarind, cantaloupe, and watermelon. According to her, even drinks like horchata are technically a type of agua fresca...and I looove me some horchata. 

Russ and Sandy checked out the flower-flavored variety a week or two ago. I tried a similar hibiscus beverage when I lived in L.A. and I wasn't a fan of the taste—but hey, each to his own. I thought I'd fare better with a fruity flavor, but the essence of this one didn't really grab me either.

Sonia likes this drink a lot more than I do. She enjoys the "lightness" of it. I must admit, the lack of sweetness here is very refreshing. It's not a bad beverage, particularly if you consider the refreshment factor. I'm just not digging the overall flavor all that much.

Sonia's interested in trying the other varieties sold at Trader Joe's, but she wishes they offered more traditional flavors like the ones sold in Mexican marketplaces.

Three stars from me. Four stars from the wifey.

Bottom line: 7 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Nothing But Fruit & Nuts - Date - Hazelnut - Cacao

Busy busy busy. Bizzy. Biz-zay. Bizzybizzybiz.

No matter how you say it, or spell it, that's what we are.

There's the normal everyday grind of errands, jobs, and chores. Then whenever we all have the day off together, we try to have a family fun day. In a span of less than a week not too long ago, Sandy and I took the kids to Idlewild amusement park, the zoo, the science center, and the pool. That'd be a whole month, if not full summer, of activites for me growing up. Here's to reasonably priced family memberships! Sandy and I also finally had a little weekend to ourselves not long ago either, where we packed as much as we could into about two days in NYC - a show, a ballgame, the Met, Times Square, and all sorts of touristy crap like Ripley's Museum.

So busy....we're kinda in need of a TJ's run. Supplies are low.

Fortunately for all aspects of our busy lives (and fortunately Nathan chose another flavor for his review), Sandy picked up a sack of Trader Joe's Nothing But Fruit & Nuts - Date - Hazelnut - Cacao. I'm really not sure if that's the official name of these guys, but no other way seems quite right.

At least I am very sure of the ingredients. Dates, hazelnuts, and cacao - that's all there is, there ain't no mo'. They come all formed together in a medium sized disc, individually wrapped. If you're familiar with date-based Larabars, there's some similarities but also a key difference or two. First, I think there's an even higher percentage of dates in each TJ's nutty cacao date cake thing. I say that because the date flavor seems a little stronger - if you don't like dates, you have no chance of liking these - but also there's a textural difference. The TJ's are a touch tougher as well - perhaps dried a bit more? Not sure. They're still plenty easy to bite through, but it was a changeup from the usual Larabar softness I'm more accustomed to.

There's not an abundance of hazelnuts, but there is enough cacao/cocoa/chocolate flavor slipping in to hit a good chocolate spot. The richness of flavor though seems to come mainly from the dates, however, which isn't a bad thing. The snacks are easily portable and filling making an ideal on-the-go energy boost. All. That. Fiber. With, um, all the effects as well, FYI.

It's $3.99 for the eight discs. While I get I could probably make more of my own for a similar price point, I for one don't mind paying a small premium for convenience. I've made similar stuff to these, and it takes some time, and I think I burned out a food processor motor once. Time is money.

Both Sandy and I like them, and they're be sure to be one of our go-to on-the-go get-up-and-goers for go-time. Go!

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Nothing But Fruit & Nuts - Date - Hazelnut - Cacao: 8.5 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Trader Joe's Fig Walnut Nothing But Fruit & Nuts

Many of the Trader Joe's detractors that I've encountered compare the store to Whole Foods and state that Trader Joe's just isn't as healthy. While the average product at TJ's may be less healthy than the average product at WF, you CAN shop extremely healthily at TJ's if you want to—you just need the willpower to avoid the cookie butter aisle. Apparently, you can find pretty much anything else made of cauliflower now.

And my argument is and always has been that the average product at Trader Joe's is healthier than the average product at an average grocery store. Whole Foods was never an option for me because I don't make seven figures a year...yet. If you really wanted to, you could do the majority of your shopping at TJ's whether you're whole organic, kosher, low carb, low fat, vegan, pescatarian, or whatever—and do it for far less money than you could at Whole Foods.

That brings me to my next point. These little guys might be kinda pricey for some of us at $4 for the bag of only eight little snacks. That's 50 cents per disc. But at Whole Foods, a comparable product would most likely be twice as much. I'm not hating on Whole Foods or their shoppers at all. Just, again, I'm not a rich man and Whole Foods is a rich man's store so far as I can tell.

But regardless of which grocery store it comes from, a product flaunting only two ingredients is usually pretty darn healthy. I guess you could hold out for organic figs and walnuts, but you'd be looking at an even heftier price tag. I know I'd be a lot healthier if everything I ate contained only two ingredients. But enough talk of health and grocery stores and price tags. How do these happy fig discs taste?

Surprisingly...they taste like figs. I guess that FIGures <ba-dum-bum-TSHH>. 

They're very sweet. Figs definitely steal the show here. Walnuts are present and provide just a hint of nutty flavor and crunchy texture, but if you're not a fan of figs, you're not going to enjoy this product. These circular, snackular fruit and nut bites are very soft, very moist, and in my opinion, very tasty.

Sonia likes the taste at least as much as I do, and she likes that they're only 70 calories a piece. She points out that even though they're fairly small, they're very dense and satisfying—more than enough to keep your blood sugar up and curb your sweet tooth cravings. Four stars from her.

Again, I'm mystified that these are imported all the way from Turkey. I guess Turkish figs are, like, really good? I wish there were more walnuts, and I wish they were somehow a little cheaper, but all in all, this is a solid healthy snack. Three and a half stars from me.

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Strawberry Raspberry Oatmeal

It's another riveting Friday here at WG@TJ's, as we bring you a spine-tingling review of everybody's favorite breakfast item: OATMEAL!

It's a breakfast that doesn't even possess the flair of an Egg McMuffin, or...I was going to say one of "Uncle Herschel's Favorites" from Cracker Barrel, but I was stopped in my tracks when my Google search yielded the Urban Dictionary definition of that phrase. I'm not even going to link to it here...because it's filthy. But if you're so inclined, I mean, I did promise you something "spine-tingling" today...although it might be more along the lines of "boorishly lewd" to many of you...I know it was for me. Just don't say I didn't warn you.

Ahem. Back to the oatmeal.

This selection is different from a lot of other pre-packaged oatmeal, in that it's not quite as sweet. There's a moderate amount of brown sugar, but the natural flavor of oats is definitely the dominant taste. Certain bites contain enough freeze dried strawberries and raspberries to taste tart and fruitastic, but by and large the flavor of this oatmeal is quite subtle. Perhaps a bit too subtle. Some people might use the word "bland."

That was Sonia's take, too. She rarely adds sweeteners to products other than black coffee, but confessed this might be one of those products that needs a little bit of agave or stevia or honey or simple syrup or whatever healthy sugar is in right now.

We made the oatmeal with a mixture of about 2 parts water, 1 part half and half. I usually prefer just plain old milk, but we didn't have any on hand, and this mixture of water plus half and half is what Sonia usually uses for oatmeal. We ALWAYS have half and half on hand because Sonia uses it with her morning java. And it works. The oatmeal usually has a fair amount of creaminess, and it adds a touch more flavor and substance than just water.

For $1.29 per cup, there are quite a few other oatmeals at TJ's that might be a better value. Here are the "Search This Blog" results for "oatmeal." I couldn't tell you which of those products are currently available, but there are definitely a handful of offerings on that list that scored better with our team. This one gets three stars a piece from Sonia and I.

Bottom line: 6 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Pear & Persimmon Tarte

My father is getting married today. Never thought I'd live to see the day. He clearly doesn't share my disdain for Valentine's Day, but even I must admit that V.D. is just as good a time as any to tie the knot. 

I just hope the happy couple's commitment to one another transcends the triviality of this silly holiday. Sonia and I don't know his new bride particularly well, but we trust the old man knows what he's doing.

It's kind of like pears and persimmons. We both know pears like the back of our hands, but persimmons are a bit more of a mystery to us. Can the couple work together? 

In this case, yes they can. Sonia and I shared this tarte as a romantic non-Valentine's treat. We both enjoyed it. We tasted the sweetness of the pears in the filling, but we had a hard time picking out the taste and texture of the persimmons. 

I tried to pull my old Wikipedia trick where I read a paragraph or two and try to sound like an expert when I regurgitate the knowledge in my own words on this blog. Either my brain isn't functioning at full capacity today or this particular Wikipedia contributor just went above and beyond what the average layman wants to know about persimmons, but there was just too much talk of tannins, astringency, and bletting to wrap my brain around at this juncture. But if you want to give it a shot, be my guest: Persimmon - Wikipedia.

What I can tell you is that this tarte is tasty. The crust is buttery and soft, and the filling is sweet and fruity. There are chunks of pears and, we assume, persimmons as well. There was even "spiced frangipane" almond paste in the breading. It was most noticeable in the outer sections where the fruit filling was more sparse. Nutty, sweet, and delicious.

It's a very high quality tarte at a very reasonable price ($1.99). An hour to thaw and 10 minutes in the oven? Even I can do that...and I did. In fact, that's my hand in that oven mitt. Sonia's proven her worth in the kitchen many, many times over, but I'm still a little challenged in the field of "domestic sciences."

I guess the takeaway here is that unexpected couplings can work. Pears and persimmons are just like rama lamma lamma ka dinga da dinga dong. 

Plus, Happy Valentine's if you're into that whole thing. And congrats to Dad and Patty.

Bottom line: 8 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Apple Raspberry and Apple Apricot Dried Fruit Bars

Just in case Trader Joe is neglecting to push his latest offerings on me in the checkout area like Heisenberg peddling a fresh batch of Blue Ice, every once in a while, I like to glance at that little out-of-the-way section where most Trader Joe's stores like to stash their inexpensive fruit bars, fruit leather, and fruit snacky type things, often in a rustic wooden rack or small woven baskets. That's where I discovered these Apple Raspberry and Apple Apricot Dried Fruit Bars.

We've seen quite a few incarnations of these fruit strips throughout the years, including: Fiberful Handmade Dried Fruit Bars, Organic 100% Natural Fruit Wraps, and several different Apple + Fruit bars. Here's our take on this newest gluten-free, kosher version, straight outta New Zealand (you'd think they'd offer Apple Kiwi flavor, no?)

Bottom line: 7 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Nutty Seedy Fruity Bars

Quite a while back, we made a big joke about there being a product called Trader Joe's Dog Food...For People. It's one of our finer works. Please, if you need a good laugh, take a peek, we'll be back.

I bring this up because there's now apparently a TJ's bird food...for people.

Yes, yes, I know, it's actually called Trader Joe's Nutty Seedy Fruity Bar, in yet another attempt on a grab 'n go snack/energy bar. It's not a bad concept, but the endless variations out there...and to my knowledge, none of them have tried to emulate bird suet anywhere as close to this one.

Yes, suet, like that stuff you put aside in the winter for the birds, only for it to be snatched up by some darn squirrels. Happens all the time.

At least "Nutty Seedy Fruity Bar" is an honest name. Let's see:

Nuts: Almonds, walnuts, brazil nuts
Seeds: Sunflower seeds, pumpkin seeds, chia seeds
Fruit: Date paste
All of the above: Coconuts, present in dried, oil and nectar form

Now, I've named each and every ingredient..but there's apparently 12% missing here. It says it's 88% nuts, seeds and fruit on the front. What's the rest? Tj's love and magic? Maybe.

Anyways, all these ingredients come to together to a dense, chewy, crispy bar. This thing got some girth to it. It's very dry yet oily at the same time - some hydration will probably be handy to have on hand. It's not something to be gnawed right down. Each respective ingredient is present, with the dates and coconut really holding it all together. The nuts are pleasantly earthy and roasty, as are the seeds, with the right amount of proper crunch and crisp for each. It's a nifty little feat.

But...I wish it played up the fruity element just a tad bit more. The dates are more adhesive than flavor additive, leaving mainly the coconut. Some dried blueberries would have a subtle little touch here, which would have also lightened it up a bit. There's a little too much earthiness, so as in life,  a little sweetness would go along a way.

Oh, if you haven't figured it out by now: There's nuts. And coconuts. Lots of fat. Lots and lots of good ol' natural fat of the saturated, polyunsaturated and monounsaturated varieties. Make of that what you will for you. It's not a huge deterrent for me - better this than a Big Mac, IMHO.

The bars in all do make a nice little treat that packs more stomach filling power than one would think. I was quite happy for several hours after munching away on one of them at work, to the point where I almost forgot to eat lunch, which just doesn't happen for a guy like me. I like them, and for what it is, the $2.29 price tag isn't an outright awful value. I'd love that blueberry variety. Just me judging here, as unfair as that is, but Sandy didn't get to hers in time. I'll wing it a three, so double that up. Stock up for those hard winter months ahead.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Nutty Seedy Fruity Bars: 6 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Trader Joe's Unsweetened Organic Açaí Puree Packets

Stepping out of our comfort zones and trying new things—that's what it's all about when it comes to venturing the wilds of Trader Joe's like our team has these past six years. Not that I'm uncomfortable with acai. I've been singing its praises since before this blog began. No, I'm not uncomfortable with acai as an ingredient. But when it comes in a bag pureed all by itself and I'm the one who has to figure out what to do with it—that's a challenge for me. I mean sure, there are suggestions on the packaging and there are tons of recipes and ideas online. But up to this point, the acai in my world has always been pre-measured, pre-mixed, and pre-sweetened. And I liked it that way. 

But could I like it like this? It was worth spending $4.49 to find out.

Sonia and I have been brewing up fruit smoothies in our little generic wannabe "bullet" blender as of late, and we knew acai would be a welcome addition to our concoctions, which generally feature bananas, strawberries, yogurt, almond milk or coconut milk, and agave sweetener. It seemed like acai would probably blend pretty seamlessly with those ingredients. But knowing the berry's properties of earthiness, natural caffeine, and high levels of fiber, there would be certain potential pitfalls associated with using too much or too little in our homemade mixtures, namely: creating a beverage that might not taste great, missing a decent amount of sleep, and/or extra visits to the bathroom. But despite these inherent risks, we dove right in to acai-land and got a-mixin'.

Once thawed, the product is a fascinating purple goo. I had never tasted acai by itself before. It's far less sweet and much more earthy/nutty than I ever imagined. Those mixologists at Robek's and Jamba Juice always told me acai had a "natural chocolate-type flavor." Well, it certainly does when sweetened. But by itself, the flavor might be likened to some unusual, berry-ified bitter cocoa bean paste. If anything, our smoothies needed more sweetener than usual once we added the acai, in order to cancel out its natural bitterness.

Once sweetened, however, it added a very welcome complexity to our beverages that one simply cannot achieve using more traditional fruits and berries. It wasn't quite like those store-bought mixtures or a "professionally-blended" smoothie, but it certainly wasn't bad. We never did quite achieve that chocolatey taste we've had before, but we created an interesting fruit-based beverage with a velvety texture and an inviting richness seldom attained outside an actual smoothie joint—where you'd pay upwards of $5 for a single acai drink. 

Both Sonia and I are finding this one a bit hard to score, since it's just a single ingredient that begs to be used with many other ingredients. But for what it is: a convenient, relatively-reasonably priced (acai ain't cheap) exotic berry puree that can enhance your homemade smoothies and shakes, we think it deserves to be rated "really darn good."

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Roasted Tomatillo & Mango Salsa

Ya know, in retrospect, it was probably unfair of me to say I was done with any Trader Joe's new fangled mango products. Truth was, as probably all of the rest of you, I was just sick of them, and poor Nathan had to pick up the blog slack, which in true Rodgers fashion, was done admirably.

But now, it's *sigh* pumpkin spice season. Unless there's some flashy irresistible bang-up product that I just can't resist (unlikely, but possible), I'm probably leaving all that alone, so if there's a new mango product I could possibly be interested in, I think I oughtta pick it up.

Actually, I have no idea if Trader Joe's Roasted Tomatillo & Mango Salsa is new or not. October doesn't exactly scream "Fruit Salsa Appreciation Month," so it seems weird to think it's new...but then again, I hadn't seen it. Maybe I just had my anti-mango horse blinders on. You tell me.

Would've been a shame to miss out on it. This salsa is mighty fine. There's a lot of sweetness, seemingly more from roasted tomatillo than anything else. And heat. lots of heat. Look at the ingredients - there' ghost pepper in here, which gives off a lot of spice, more than otherwise anticipated from appearances.

In what seems to be a strange step of salsa science, there's also corn and black beans tossed in the mix. I'm not really sure why that is...they're not exactly unwelcome, but it's not like any flavor gets added by them.

Maybe it's just to hide the mangoes.

I mean, there are mangoes in here...some decent sized pieces...but unless you happen to bite square into one, and pay some attention to it, it's easy to miss. With all of those aforementioned factors - roasty tomatillo sweetness, spicy heat, added texture of beans and corn - it's kinda easy to skip over the fact that there's mangoes involved. Even after repeated tastings, I'm not sure if I want to say that they're approaching indetectability or if they inconspicuously tie it all together.

Regardless of whichever answer, I'll come back for more and more. It's pretty fantastic salsa, which i found paired exceptionally well with some multigrain tortilla chips. Sandy's a huge fan because of the heat and absence of tomatoes, and as for me, I like the experimental feel to it - it's an odd hodge-podge that in the end works rather well. Double fours.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Roasted Tomatillo & Mango Salsa: 8 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Trader Joe's Semi-Dried Green Figs

There's really not a whole lot to Trader Joe's Semi-Dried Green Figs. Nothing added or subtracted, but simply a fig, partially dried, and frozen. That's it. That could be the end of the review pretty much right there. But that's not how we roll...because while they do "taste...similar to fresh fruit" they do feel a little different. Had to leave out the "amazingly" because that's a bit too strong of a statement.

Anyways, if you're already familiar with their tried and true semi-dried formula first tested out on apricots, you can expect something similar here.  Those particular fruity tidbits have become a family snacktime favorite around here for 75% of our clan - I don't care about them one way or another, but Sandy, and particularly the kids, can polish off a bag for lunch. In fact, it was those apricots we were looking for when we found the figs and figured to assess them instead.

For taste...yes,  a fig. What we you expecting, a rutabaga? Tastes like a fig. The feel, though? I'm a dried fig aficianado - everytime we go to Costco I need to get me a bag, it lasts me maybe 10 days. I'd say these are much more similar to fresh figs, except I had those recently...too soft, too fleshy, too wiggly, too...I don't even know the word. That was another Costco purchase, and we made our way through the Montana-sized package, but with much less gusto. So I guess these fall fairly squarely in the middle. There's not the tough, chewy, fibrous bite of dried, but not the super soft mouthfeel of fresh. The seeds maintain their crispy qualities as well for a nice textural variant.

Sandy prefers these semi-dried guys straight from the freezer, because she's a little odd, but even when thawed a bit they retain a lot of their middlin' qualities. The kids seem to like them to, maybe not as much as the apricots, but their little chompers have less work to do than with dried, and I couldn't get them (or Sandy) to eat their fair share of fresh. Not a bad purchase for $2.99, we bought two bags and will happily finish them and likely go back for more.


Bottom line: Trader Joe's Semi Dried Green Figs: 7.5 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Trader Joe's Chocolate Covered Dried Fruit

As will be discussed in an upcoming podcast, there's something so great about snacks in plastic tubs. I love the act of opening them - especially removing that shrinkwrapped plastic ring that holds the lid on. I have no idea why that is, but in some ways, I guess it feels like opening a present, except since it's a clear plastic tub, you already know it's going to be good (or so you hope). I like the little plasticky sounds and all. Okay, I'm weird.

Also speaking of podcasts and having no idea...my laptop sat around untouched all day long. Why it decided to automatically and without warning launch into some hours-long Windows 10-related update literally 30 seconds before Nathan, Sonia, Grand Master Marvo, and I were going to record last night is beyond me. I mean, it was doing nothing all day - why then? Sorry about that, we should have our next episode of Let's Talk TJ's later on next week now because of those shenanigans.

But back to the matter at hand - this time around, Trader Joe's Chocolate Covered Dried Fruit. C'mon, this looks like fun - there's the different sized food marbles, in different colors, with different fruits. Opening up the package not only had all the usual tub-popping satisfaction, but also made a huge waft of chocolate came up and smack me in the nostrils. This was going to be fun.

In case you're like me and want to know which colors are which right away, the pinkish ones are the cherries, whitish are strawberries, grayish/purplish are blueberries, and the orangish/tannish are the apricots. There's an -ish for each color, because much to TJ's props, these candies are naturally colored with things like beet juice. Much better than artificial colors, if you ask me, even if the tradeoff is less vibrant coloration. It's not like they affect the flavor anyways.

What does alter the flavor, though, is the composition of those coatings. I expected the usual M&M-y candy shellac, straight into chocolate with a fruit coat. That's not quite right. Instead there's about a few hairs-thick coat of softer white chocolate, before hitting into the dark chocolate. It's kinda offputting. At first I thought maybe it was one of those yogurt-kinda layers, because as compared to the dark chocolate, that's almost what it tastes like - kinda two ends of the spectrum being put right together.

Other than that, the experience is what's to be expected. the cherries and strawberries pop out more in their respective flavors, the blueberries are representative enough, but the apricots? Good idea, I like the theory, but I wouldn't have guessed apricot if I weren't told that's what in there. Instead, it just feels like a dried, chewy, semi-chalky center that gets overpowered by the chocolate. All the other fruits taste they way they ought, with that similar kinda feel.

Anyways, I will say these choco-fruity tidbits definitely hit more of a chocolate spot than a fruit one if you're looking for that brand of sweetness. There's nothing terribly wondrous about them, nothing overly bad either - just curious with that white chocolate layer if you ask me. I snuck 'em into work without Sandy having a chance to try them, so I shared them with a co-worker or two, and got a mostly satisfied "meh" in return. They're deserving of slightly better and to me rank as a fairly solid "not bad."

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Chocolate Covered Dried Fruit: 6.5 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Trader Joe's Blueberry Poppy Seed Cookies

Ever have something that's good in it's own right ruin something else that's perfectly good?

For whatever reason, I'm struggling to think of a great example of this. Must be my lack of imagination, or the heat getting to my brain - I mean, dangit, it's hot. But this has to be a thing...right? Maybe this is somewhat vaguely related to my chocolate gum/Bowie-Jagger theory that two things that are good separately aren't good when put together.

If you can think of any great examples, please, by all means, fire away.

For some fairly weak evidence, I'll put out there Trader Joe's Blueberry Poppy Seed Cookies.

Blueberries, even dried ones = yum. Cookies - obviously great. Even better when they're soft, crumbly, buttery, melt in your mouth shortbread ones, perfect for pairing with any variety of beverages. I love shortbread cookies. This can't fail...

It doesn't. But these cookies don't entirely succeed either. The taste is right. That aforementioned buttery shortbread is spot on, and the poppy seeds don't seem to add much one way or another (unlike those blueberry digestive biscuits a little while back). The blueberries seem right too, and while certainly sweet with enough added sugar in all sorts of various forms, the cookies seem to be right in line flavor wise.

Really, it's the texture. It's so disappointing when the chompers actually hit a blueberry, because it gums up an otherwise perfectly crumbly bite. It's a chewy interruption. Perhaps some other form of blueberry would be more ideal, or heck, even some blueberry extract...but as is? Not a huge fan. Oh well.

Otherwise these bite-sized berry buggers are pretty tasty - we'll happily eat them up, and could be persuaded to buy again for the few bucks they set us back. Purely on taste, they're nearly perfect - but again, so disappointing when striking that berry. Probably more than it should be since the cookies are so good otherwise. Life is hard, I guess.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Blueberry Poppy Seed Cookies: 7 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Trader Joe's Sweetened Dried Orange Slices

We've seen plenty of zombified fruits from Trader Joe's before: apples, bananas, baby bananas, and even other oranges. For the most part, I think those dried fruit snacks have been successful. They're sweet enough to be desserty, but natural enough not to wreck most diets. In all those previous cases, they seemed to capture the innate essence of the fruit and candy-ify it—in some cases without even adding any sugar.

Not only is there plenty of sugar here, but these don't really taste like oranges. I mean, I know they're made of orange slices. And they're definitely citrusy. But I think what throws me off is that they left the rind on. And I've mentioned before that I'm not huge into eating orange peels. I don't know many people who are. 

Perhaps there's a reason why Trader Joe's suggests you do things with this product other than eat it. The back of the packaging recommends using them as garnish on cocktails or as decorations for cakes and cookie platters. On that front, I can't really argue with them. Orange is my favorite color, and I've never minded splashes of it here and there. The write-up on the wrapper also insists that you can consume the attractive little slices, but it does so quite unconvincingly. "This stuff's non-toxic, we promise!"*

Once opened, the package gives off a bizarre fermented fragrance—not unlike what I'd imagine marmalade left in the sun might smell like after a day or so. The taste is a little more pleasant than the aroma in my opinion, but again, the bitterness of the rind spoils a good bit of the sweet flavor of the fruit itself. The slices are sticky with sugar, somewhat difficult to chew, and bits of the candied fruit cling tenaciously to your teeth once you've begun masticating.

Orange is the new blecch!

Sonia was even more repulsed than I was. She literally exclaimed, "Oh God! That's awful!" upon first bite. I think this is her first time giving ZERO stars to a product. I'll give them a generous one and a half, mostly for their decorative value. This might be a return here. Or we might throw a cocktail party and put them to use as garnish, as mentioned above. If the drinks are strong enough, some of our guests might even get crazy enough to eat them.

Bottom line: 1.5 out of 10.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

*That's not actually written on the packaging.