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Thursday, March 13, 2014

Trader Giotto's 5 Cheese Frusta

Remember that longlost album Nathan referred to a long time ago, TJ's and DJs? I was cleaning out the attic the other day and came across the B-sides mix and found this rare gem of a song which I'd like to share. Apparently through some power of temporal paradoxes and balls of wibbly-wobbly timey-wimey stuff, even though this is an old, old song, it refers to a brand new Trader Joe's product, Trader Giotto's 5 Cheese Frusta. Ladies and gentlemen, without any further adieu, here's our take on the Young MC classic, called "Frusta Move":

This here's a pie from our guy Giotto
Delivering flavor? Yeah, that's his motto
His name's on it means tastebud lotto
Satisfaction is nearly auto
Okay busta let's talk frusta
Five cheeses on it? I say "me gusta"
Edges folded up like a flat pizza taco
Makes it more handy to go on a walk-o
Need some munchin' or a luncheon
But no need for a high class function?
If you get ten minutes and an oven
Then get ready for some pizza lovin'
It's so easy, gets so cheesy
All melted up but not too greasy
If you want a pizza with kinda a groove
Don't just sit there, frusta move!

Oh hey, just frusta move!

If you're fishin' on a mission
To find the best bite you can be dishin'
Just keep on walking down the frozen aisle
Cuz this ain't it by a mile
Taste's not poppin', needs a toppin'
Cheese is okay but it's best for proppin'
All five kinda melt into a single
Taste got all tangled in the mingle
It's alright for a small bite
Don't hate me, just being' forthright
There's some worse ways to spend two bucks
But this is one pie that sure ain't deluxe
Crust gets crunchy, makes a munchie
Eating this sure beats getting punchy
Disagree and think my rhyme's not smooth?
Not a problem, hey, frusta move!

If you want, you got it, you want it, hey baby you got it - Frusta move!

Bottom line: Trader Giotto's 5 Cheese Frusta: 6 out of 10 Golden Spoons
Pictures courtesy of No, we're not affiliated, but our new camera ate the pics I snapped. Please, Big Joe, don't be mad, we like you.


  1. I think people are too stunned to comment here! :)

  2. OK, I tried this today. tasted like a pretty good pizza slice, with crispy crust folded over the top. Crust was light in flavor, but sauce and cheese were fine. Considering an average plain slice goes for around $2 here, this is a solid option imo.You could bake a tray of these, optionally slicing in half, instead of a whole pizza if you're having a party!

  3. oh my goodness! LOL! Ok, hopefully you're familiar with the NBC show "Community" that comes on Thurs nights? I just caught up on the eps and this reminds me of the Dean's lighthearted goofy rap freestyle that suddenly took a turn for the GANGSTA. He started droppin' legit hard core rhymes while everyone stared at him in shock like "where did that come from??" LOL!

  4. Anyone who quotes Doctor Who in a food review has my complete attention. Karen


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