Trader Joe's Gochujang Vegetable Stir Fry

 Yeah, yeah, I know, we review plenty of snacks and treats here - more than plenty, but believe me, we eat our veggies too, at least my lovely bride, our kiddo squad and I. Produce takes up a significant chunk of our grocery bill and food storage, and as long as we don't stick it in the basement refrigerator, almost never our garbage bags. The beer fridge unfortunately where fruits and veggies go to be neglected and die.

We just don't review too many here, except when something new and exciting like Trader Joe's Gochujang Vegetable Stir Fry comes out, we just gotta try it!

Wait...what? This isn't brand new and has been around for months...or maybe even years? I could have sworn I've never seen this before - maybe it's somehow magically new to the Pittsburgh region (we are, after all, pretty much last to get anything), or maybe we do need to pay more attention to the veggies at TJ's after all. 

Anyhoos, what you see here is what you get. It's a nice little medley of everyone's trendy-ish low carb fave - zoodles! -  carrots, diced bell peppers, edamame, broccoli and green beans, all awash in a soy-based gochujang-tinged sauce. Nothing fancy, and honestly, a touch underwhelming, for a couple reasons. 

First and foremost - where's all the zoodles?!?!?!?! For a supposed four serving bag, which Sandy and I easily split two ways, we each got maybe two bites of zucchini. C'mon now.  If we stuck to a serving each, does that mean one bite - or less - for each? Give up the zoodles! 

Second, this would be much better off as a fresh and not frozen product. There's so much moisture from the freezing process here that everything seems a little soft and limp, aside from the edamame. It also took forever for the sauce to vaguely thicken up which further contributed to the over-steamed sensation. 

And third - well - maybe this is just me and my mixed experiences with gochujang, but I'd expect just a touch more of a kick. The spice level here is pretty mild, more of a touch of warmth than anything. It's pretty tasty and pleasant, don't get me wrong, but seems like maybe a touch less soy and a bit more chili pepper would do the trick. 

It's not an awful mix, but don't get it thinking it can be a meal by itself. We added some grilled chicken and even then it was somewhat lacking, even when doubling up servings. A little rice, or a lot more noodles, would have been a good touch. 

In all, it's not bad mix for what it is, but I'd much prefer the raw/roasted/fresh veg we're used to than this frozen mix. At least it didn't come from a can. I'd pick it up again, maybe but add a couple cukes and break out our spiral cutter too. And add some of our own gochujang to kick it up. or maybe just makes it myself, can't be that hard...anyways....

Double threes. 

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Gochujang Vegetable Stir Fry: 6 out of 10 Golden Spoons. 

Trader Joe's Peanuts in a Pickle

In case you forgot to pick up a bag of plain peanuts and a shaker of Seasoning in a Pickle on your last Trader Joe's run, no worries. TJ's has your back. They've gone and mixed pickle flavors into peanuts for you. It's almost as if they tried mixing the aforementioned pickle seasoning blend with peanuts and realized it's absurdly messy. And it's not only messy, but not enough seasoning sticks to the nuts. So they went and...I honestly don't know what they did. I think they actually pickled these nuts! <reaches down inside and finds the restraint to avoid any juvenile "deez nuts" jokes>

The back of the bag gives us hints but no real answers. It's says the peanuts are "infused" with pickle flavor. Later on in the spiel, they use the word "imbued." It mentions there's no powder in the equation. It's true. There's not. And the nuts aren't oily at all, either. They might even be less oily than regular peanuts somehow. Sonia kept remarking how dry they were. But they certainly have a pickle taste to them.

At first, we both thought the pickle flavor was a little on the weak side, but then after a few handfuls, we felt the briny pickliness build up on our tongues. I might not have minded a bit more pickle taste, but Sonia was pleased with the intensity of the flavor.

They actually look identical to regular Virginia peanuts. There's no green color, no visible flecks of dill, nothing. Just like they can edit genomes and create plants that yield more fruit or be drought-resistant or whatever, I think maybe they spliced some DNA and cross-bred peanuts with pickles to make these. <Cue comments where people tell me pickles are just pickled cucumbers and that pickles don't have their own genetic code blah blah blah yadda yadda science science science>

$2.49 for the bag. Sonia likes them more than I do and would buy them again. I'm on the fence. Four stars from her. Three from me.

Bottom line: 7 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Spicy Mango Lemonade

 

Let's get one thing right outta the way here. 

We're gonna talk about pureed jalapeños. In a beverage, namely Trader Joe's Spicy Mango Lemonade. 

Ho. Lee. Crud. 

Now, c'mon. Jalapeños can carry a little kick, but they're far from the spiciest pepper out there. How many Scovilles are they? Too lazy to look it up, but it's nothing compared to a habanero or Scotch bonnet, much less the infamous Merciless Pepper of Quetzalacatenango. I get that, and I get it completely. 

But man....

Maybe it's because it'sin an otherwise cool, refreshing beverage form. Maybe the lemon and citrus amp up the heat a little, or mango just so happens to be a natural capsaicin amplifier, or maybe I'm turning into more and more of wimp as my 40th birthday creeps ever so closer....

But this stuff is HOT and SPICY. Real kick. No false advertising or faux bravado. Hot dang. 

I was prideful at first and took a big gulp. Big mistake. If my tastebuds were Super Mario, the heat was some pretty big league Thwomps, maybe world six level. It can be navigated, for sure, but you best get yourself prepared. Don't know why or how, but man - just HOT. 

I'm sure you can cut down the heat a bit, by mixing in some fizzy water or some booze even. Tried it that way, and it worked extremely well. 

Aside from the heat, there's plenty of sweet hits from the mango and citrusy sour notes from the lemon to really fill out the flavor in a rather enjoyable way.  There's no pulp or anything, just smooth juice. Want some lemonade with a kick? Here's your shot. 

That being said, the jalapeño limeade from TJ's seems to be a touch more refreshing and palatable. My theory is that limes and jalapeños just kinda go together better than jalapeños and lemons and mangos. Or perhaps it's just a little more familiar.

Anyways, the spicy mango lemonade is worth a pick up if you haven't tried, but consider yourself warned. Can you beat the heat?

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Spicy Mango Lemonade: 7.5 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Trader Joe's Brown Sugar Non-Dairy Oat Creamer

Sonia is the designated coffee drinker in our household. I'll partake of the stuff out of necessity, or just once in a blue moon to change things up a bit. By and large, though, I'm an energy drink guy. 

Despite the wife's affinity for java, she's never really been a "black coffee" girl. She's gotta have her half and half or at least some type of non-dairy substitute. If we wake up in the morning and Sonia discovers we're out of coffee creamer...well, let's just say that's not a good start to the day for our family. As American women go, Sonia's among the least pampered and non-divalike I've ever known, but woe unto you if you used up the half and half the night before and didn't make a late night convenience store run to replace it.

So it's good we had some of this Trader Joe's Brown Sugar Non-Dairy Oat Creamer on hand the last time that happened. Sonia says this version is both sweeter and creamier than any other oat-based creamer she's ever had. She's tried at least three other brands: Califia Farms, Elmhurst, and Coffee Mate Natural Bliss. I'm sure I've tried at least one of those others, but it certainly didn't stand out as super-delicious or life-changing in any way. Sonia says other oat-based creamers seem much more watery than this Trader Joe's selection.

There really is a whisper of actual brown sugar flavor in this creamer. Mostly, it's just sweet, but there is some brown sugar in the ingredients and you can taste it ever so slightly. It's also got that faint nutty oaty wholesomeness that other oat creamers do.

As far as the creaminess is concerned, some extra thickness might be due at least in part to the presence of pea protein and/or the controversial ingredient: sunflower oil. I keep hearing from more and more sources that sunflower oil—and all seed oils in general—are carcinogenic and shouldn't be consumed at all, or at least not in large quantities. If you do an internet search, you'll find plenty of articles about the potential dangers of seed oils, along with dissenting opinions, and there's at least one piece about this product in particular. I'm no food scientist, and Big Seed Oil hasn't sent me any "financial incentives" to promote their products just yet...so I'll just leave it at that for now.

We're looking at about two bucks for 16 oz of vegan-friendly creamer. Possibly a repeat purchase for the beautiful wifey. Four stars from Sonia. Three from me.

Bottom line: 7 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Seasoned Waffle Cut Fries

 

Man, is there anything really all that much better in the world than a nice, big pile of piping hot, crispy, delicious fries?

And make them waffle fries at that? Sign me up! It won't matter if I'm hungry or not, I'm down.

All that added surface area, with all the little nooks and crevices and valleys and whatever else, when made just right, make quite possibly the most perfect fry in the world....

....which is absolutely why I should've taken the suggestion on the bag of Trader Joe's Seasoned Waffle Cut Fries and airfried them. 

But NOOOOOOOOOO. 

We have an airfryer. It's just a little guy, with small features. Small basket. Takes a while to do much of anything for a hungry crew with it. So I thought I'd just bake them a few extra minutes instead and get the whole batch done with at once. That'd be close enough, right? Certainly spot on, but it'd work....or work enough...right?

Wrong. 

Even when baking a few extra minutes, man, these TJ's fries just wouldn't crisp up, at all. The texture was almost more like steamed then baked. Maybe a few more minutes would've done it, but I already had them in there for an extra five or so, and dangit, we had dance classes to get to. They were kinda damp and undercooked and felt like they were more ready to mash in a bowl them into my belly. 

I guess all that's on me? Maybe? Our oven works pretty decently, so...anyways. 

Anything else with the fries are great. The seasoning blend is pretty basic but pleasant with a little paprika and pepper and other assorted spices. Our kids who tend to be somewhat spice adverse had no problems with it whatsoever. We all love our fries.

Definitely, we need to get these again and go for it with the airfryer. Or maybe get a bigger better airfryer. We're redoing our kitchen coming up shortly, so I guess we'll toss that on the list and slot it right behind the espresso machine both my lovely bride and I want and will finally have space for. Or something.

Seriously, airfryer or bust with these, it seems. 

$3.99ish for the bag, came with enough to feed our hangry crew. If you have teenagers, you'll need an extra I'm sure. Pretty tasty and we'll do better next time, and heck even though we enjoyed them decently as is, I'm sure we'd give them a bump. 

AIRFRY THEM!!!!!!!

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Seasoned Waffle Cut Fries: 7.5 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Trader Joe's Hot Dog Buns

Unable to procure the brioche, New England style, or gluten-free hot dog buns we've heard so much about, Sonia and I grabbed these regular old Trader Joe's Hot Dog Buns for our Memorial Day festivities this year. In addition to remembering those who made the ultimate sacrifice for our country and making sure the lawn is mowed and tidy, it's also obligatory to cook and consume at least one meat product outdoors on this last weekend in May, you know, if you're an American. I mean, if you're vegan or something like that, you can do veggie burgers or veggie dogs and I'm cool with that. I'm just pointing out that in our never-ending quest to pretend we're normal, Sonia and I made it a point to purchase and consume some buns and all-beef franks for this traditional kickoff-to-summer weekend—and we sampled a couple in advance for this review.

In addition to good taste and a nice, soft texture, I'm looking for at least one other thing in a hot dog bun: the ability to effectively and securely cradle a hot dog. On the taste and texture points, these buns get near top marks. On that last matter, Sonia and I both found this bread product slightly wanting.

They just aren't the ideal shape for hot dog buns. The buns splay apart and create a sort of v-shape that you can stick a hot dog into, but each side of the bun isn't particularly stable and is prone to breakage. It's like they're too square. It's very similar to eating a hot dog with two halves of a slice of regular bread—something I'm sure most of us have done, since they always put a different number of buns and dogs in single packs. You know, there's 10 hot dogs and only 8 buns. You either have to do some math and find the lowest common denominator and eat hot dogs every day for like a month, or you have a couple dogs left over—and you wind up eating them with hamburger buns, regular sliced bread, or you wind up chopping them up and eating them with mac and cheese or whatever.

But again, they tasted fine. Ours were fresh, pliable, bready, and yummy. They're about as firm as the leading brand's buns, at least in terms of mouthfeel. No complaints there. Decent value, too, at $1.99 for 8 buns. It's just they have that weird shape, and they wanted to fall apart so easily, dumping pieces of hot dog onto the ground. At least it made the dogs happy—and by "dogs" here, I mean the canines, AKA mutts, AKA Alfred and Sadie.

Three stars from the beautiful wifey. Three and a half from yours truly for Trader Joe's Hot Dog Buns.

Bottom line: 6.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Truffle Flavored BBQ Sauce

Apparently my lawn has a lot of moisture in it, because this spring a large patch of mushrooms decided to sprout out. Was eyeballing it the other night when I was grilling out again...which made me question my use of condiments.

Yup, it was Trader Joe's Truffle Flavored BBQ Sauce. 

Sure, whatever fungi is afoot in my frontier is favorited to be funky than fancy and frankly not fit for food, but still. 

Anyways, as for the barbeque sauce, I had mixed hopes. Truffles can easily go either way for me, and sometimes make my mouth itch. Still, I was intrigued enough to give it a try.

As it turns out, I need not worry too much about the presence of truffles here...because there's not much more than a palpable hint of them in this new sauce. Seriously, it's just enough to be tasted, and not much else. The trufflometer certainly doesn't go sky high here. There's just enough of that familiar umamilicious essence to be noticeable and discernible, but not enough to take over. 

The remainder of the sauce seems to be a pretty basic Kansas City-type recipe - a little smoky, a little sweet, a touch of spice. It's kinda thick and rich and a touch gloopy. The truffles do add a nice little touch to the flavor, and it works together well, but some of the sweetness seems to cover up the truffles. Honestly, a little more truffle wouldn't have hurt. 

Or...maybe I'm a mad man...but something like a more mustard-y BBQ base, like Carolina style sauce, with truffle added? I can see that being anywhere from 0 to 11 on the ol' Golden Spoon chart, but I'd definitely have to find out, and would think it'd be a more intriguing choice than the "standard" TJ's went with here. 

Don't love it, don't hate it, will definitely use what I got and see where my hand reaches next time I wander near the sauce shelf. Use as you would with BBQ sauce of course. I think it was pretty cheap for the small bottle - in the $3ish range - so worth the gamble if you can tolerate truffles even a little, because thats about what you're gonna get.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Truffle Flavored BBQ Sauce: 6 out of 10 Golden Spoons 

Trader Joe's Organic Poppy Seed Dressing

I want to throw this question out there for our readers: is canola oil healthy or not? I mean, I don't know. I don't have a horse in this race. I know at least one or two of our readers have expressed concerns over it in the past, stating that they would not purchase any products containing canola oil. Well, it's the first​ ingredient in this product.

I know there are other controversial substances that I do have an opinion about: high fructose corn syrup, for example. My sensitive system tells me that stuff is a no go. I can have a small amount once in a while and not suffer any major consequences, but regular fountain sodas are absolutely off-limits for me these days.

My body seems to be fine with canola oil, but that doesn't mean there aren't some kind of long term consequences going on behind the scenes. I found a number of "alternative" sites claiming that canola oil can cause everything from inflammation to cancer. On the other hand, it seems like all of the "official" state-sponsored, Ministry of Truth-approved sources say that canola oil is just hunky-dory—organizations like Mayo Clinic and Harvard University. Nothing to see here, folks. Move along.

Normally, that alone would make me automatically suspicious of the substance in question, but since my body isn't sensitive to it...I just don't know. So if you, our readers, have an opinion about canola oil one way or the other, I'd love to hear about it in the comments below. That said, let's look at this poppyseed dressing.

It's surprisingly sweet. It's a tad tangy. If I were trying it in a blind taste test, I might think it was a honey mustard dressing of some kind. You can see, feel, and taste the poppy seeds. They add some texture and nuttiness to the equation. The mouthfeel here is medium-thin, smooth, with a relatively low viscosity. It coats nicely.

It worked well with our kale and cabbage salad. I think Sonia liked it a little more than I did. $3.69 for 12oz. Organic. Don't consume before taking a drug test. We're on the fence about a repeat purchase. Four stars from Sonia, three from me for Trader Joe's Organic Poppy Seed Dressing.

Bottom line: 7 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Caramel Washed Gouda Cheese

Okay. Time for some real cheese. Vegans and lactose-intolerants, thanks for tuning in today, but you may want to sit this one out.

Where's a good place to start? The label, maybe? Note that it says "caramel washed" rather than caramel-infused or caramel-flavored. In fact, there's not a ton of caramel taste here, much to my chagrin. I mean, there's almost something innately caramel-esque in other gouda cheeses I've had, and this variety doesn't seem to be head-and-shoulders more caramelly, if that makes sense. There's still just a whisper of caramel.

The cheese is nutty and creamy, and perhaps a bit bolder than other goudas I've tried by virtue of this one having "aged 5 months." It's rich and ever so slightly sweet. Yes, I do wish it were a tad sweeter.

Although just now as I'm writing this, Sonia has used the remaining portions of our block of gouda to make grilled cheese...and it tastes sweeter than I remember. It actually makes a very decent, exotic-tasting sandwich. I much prefer it this way to room temperature, served on crackers. It's almost like the heat woke up the flavors, including the sweetness. The texture is better this way, too.

Sonia points out that it's not as oily as other goudas, which is a big plus in her book. It's nice and thick and creamy, texture-wise, but not super greasy. She gives this cheese a solid four and a definite thumbs up. I might have been tempted to go lower, but after having it as a grilled cheese sandwich, I think it's easily in the "would purchase again" tier of cheeses, so I'll go with a respectable three and a half. Apparently Trader Joe's Caramel Washed Gouda has been around for at least seven years or so. "Better late than never" applies here.

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Fancy Cheese Crunchies

Generally when consuming Cheetos, the less digits you can get involved in the whole matter, the better. All that orange dust caking on everywhere? Ugh. It's even worse with the kids. 

Well, skip the kids and make sure to at least prop the pinkie, here comes Trader Joe's Fancy Cheese Crunchies. They fancy!

Sort of, anyways. I cracked open the bag and nearly gagged at first smell. Trapped up truffles can do that, I guess. Just smelled...musty and kinda stank. I don't know how else to describe it, and the first bite or two tasted like dirty feet to me. 

So yeah, not off to a good start.

Fortunately, I persisted, and by maybe the fourth bite, the real flavor of these new crunchers too effect. Instead of unnaturally glowing orange cheddar, these corn snacks are dusted with a mix of parmesan and black truffle pepper. While initially off-putting, the flavor grew on me with each passing bite. It's a little delicate and mild, with still a funky bite. I've never been able to get a truly good grasp on truffle flavor, mostly because I need to take a quick drink after or my mouth gets all itchy, but it's got that umami-licious funk that for those who enjoy it, they probably will here. 

Texturally, if you come into this expecting something akin to a Cheeto, that's what you got. There's only so many ways to conjure up corn meal and veggie oil, I guess. From the crunch I can't quite discern if they're baked or fried, but I'd presume baked given the overall lack of general greasiness. Could be wrong, won't be the last time here for sure. 

Overall, I'd give these a solid not bad. I can't see my kids liking them, though I've been proven wrong over and over with them, so that's a hearty who knows. Same with my lovely bride. I'm not 100% sure I'd rebuy them, mostly because of my mild truffle allergy and that I'm reasonably sure no one else here would eat them, but I can recognize them a little bit for what they are - a solid, not bad, slightly different, somewhat fancy spin on an old standby classic. 

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Fancy Cheese Crunchies: 5.5 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Trader Joe's Everything but the Bagel Seasoned Bite Sized Crackers

Sometimes just a little rebranding is needed to get a little spark or buzz. Just ask Dunkin'. Dunkin' who? That's not a question that needs to be asked, but now I'm able to tell my kids that when I was their age, it was called Dunkin' Donuts. Now, just Dunkin'. You barely noticed that change, but I'm betting those DD suits are betting you'll now notice everything else that their "bake places" have, including crappy oversugared coffee drinks and greasy sammies. Oh well. Their profits are looking good as a result. 

More relevantly, here's Trader Joe's Everything but the Bagel Seasoned Bite Sized Crackers. Ahh, good ol' EBTB. It's a growing behemoth of a TJ's-nurtured "pet brand" so to speak - it's everywhere now - the seasoning blend, on chips, interestingly on bagels (everything but the bagel bagels? what?) and even on salmon. And now, finally, crackers. 

Oh wait. I stand corrected. According to my TJ's inside sources (AKA whoever happened to be the cashier on my last trip), these crackers have been around for YEARS and were just rebranded under the EBTB banner. This actually sounded vaguely right - I kinda remember a red box - but never tried them, never picked them up. Didn't help that there's only so many crackers one household should buy on any given trip, and all our usuals were out of stock, which highlighted this gleaming white box of snacktime promise even more prominently. 

Anyways, as far as crackers go, it's a decent cracker. Think of a slightly knock-off Wheat Thin with all the usual garlic and onion and various seeds which somehow is universally accepted as "everything" when quite frankly it excludes a lot more than it includes, and there you have it. There's plenty of flavor by themselves - I'd almost say too much - which we've been snacking on and off on. It is a bit too potent for a cracker, so a little pairing with some cheese is a good move. There's ample munch and crunch, for sure. In our household, at least, the purported adults like them more than the kiddos do - they can down a pallet of Cheddar Rockets in a day, this box has survived for nearly a week now. It's a good snack, for sure, but not addictive. At most, it's a fairly possible rebuy.

My apologies for the crappy pic. It's what happens when you have to snap one before dawn as you rush out the door. Maybe instead of rebranding myself, i just need a better set up And time. Lots more time. Sigh. 

Anyways, give 'em a try if you feel so inclined, and if like us you previously ignored their existence just to be enticed by the new packaging. 

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Everything but the Bagel Seasoned Bite Sized Crackers: 7 out of 10 Golden Spoons. 

Trader Joe's Hold the Dairy! Mini Chocolate Frozen Dessert Cones

When they say "mini cones" they're not joking. These are obscenely diminutive desserts in my book. We've seen miniature cones from Trader Joe's before, but I think these are the smallest yet.

And it wouldn't be such a big deal but each cone is individually wrapped, and they're not super easy to get out of the packaging without mangling some of the pretty waves of coconut ice cream on top of the tiny cones. I dunno. Maybe I'm just hopelessly inept at unwrapping teensy little baby frozen desserts. I have fat hands. Perhaps I'd do better using an exacto knife and tweezers.

I'm exaggerating of course. But only a bit. My complaints about this product are primarily the format of the packaging. I'd much rather have, say, four normal-sized Nutty Buddy-style sundae cones than a dozen microscopic ones.

The flavor? It's good. It's chocolatey coconut milk. It's not a far cry from dairy. I mean, you can tell it's not dairy if you pay attention. I feel like they chose chocolate because it's rich and it overshadows the natural coconut milk flavor. I'd almost always prefer vanilla. I think it would allow the natural coconut milk flavor to shine even more. But if you're trying to trick a dairy-lover into eating something totally vegan, these are a decent choice.

The wafer cone and other ingredients are very much on par with a regular dairy-ful ice cream sundae cone, and there's nothing to complain about there. The overall effect is sweet, crunchy, and satisfying...as long as you eat more than one. I wouldn't have minded some nuts of some kind.

$3.99 for 12 very small cones. Not a terrible value. Just too much packaging. Dairy-free. Vegan. Coconut-based. There's actually coconut milk, coconut water, and coconut oil.

I'd probably reach for one of the other "Hold the Cone" options before I'd purchase these again, although I'd love to see these larger and with other flavor options. Three and a half stars a piece on these Hold the Dairy! cones. 

Bottom line: 7 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Ube Pretzels

Earlier this week, I made one of my usual, occasional laments that here in Pittsburgh, we always seems last to get anything new, TJ's-wise. Weeks will go by and my lovely bride, who's always got her fingers on the pulse of new products in the pipeline, will be showing me the latest Instagram hype of whatever's new and hot. And we wait...and wait...and wait...and finally, when we get it, not that whatever it is usually isn't delicious, but it's kinda old news for the vast majority of yinz. 

Well, perhaps Big Joe finally heard all of that and tossed us a bone to gnaw on, with Trader Joe's Ube Pretzels. 

Neither Sandy nor I had heard of them or knew anything about them. It was a complete surprise. Somehow, we got ourselves a bag. I mean, I'm positive we're not like Neil Armstrong or anything, but for once, we kinda felt the rush of being first, or at least pretty darn close enough to it. 

If that isn't true, don't ruin it for us, please!

Anyways, TJ's ube pretzels. In case you didn't know, ube is basically a purplish sweet potato that naturally sweet, a touch savory, and translates well across many dishes, notably desserts and sweets. TJ's has been on a kick with them recent years, most notably with ube ice cream. Almost anything with ube, we like. 

As you can likely see, the basic premise here is very simple: a yogurty ube-flavored candy coating over some typical salty snappy pretzels. That's it. It's simple yet fun at the same time. We couldn't wait to start crushing some, and our kiddos were pretty excited about eating purple pretzels. Win win all around. 

Except...well...don't get me wrong, I like them. The few remaining survicors in the bag can attest to how many I snatched away from them. But there's something just a touch off on them. It seems to me that the candy coating is a touch or two more straight up sugar than actual ube flavored. Like Buddy the Elf ("Does it have sugar in it?...Then yes!"), I love straight up sugar, but it just doesn't work as great with the ube and then trying to work in a salty grainy pretzel. If something is ube, I want more ube. I can save the super sugary stuff for other times. 

Other than that, these pretzels are definitely a fun little snack that's worth the try. A bag runs about $3 and will definitely get a little sugar rush for that midafternoon lull. There's a good general thumbs up all around from us here in the 'burgh, what with us being first and all. Don't ruin that illusion!

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Ube Pretzels: 6.5 out of 10 Golden Spoons
 

Trader Joe's Oat Chocolate Bars

There's a lot of power in preconceived notions, right? 

I'm going to use the possibly new Trader Joe's Oat Chocolate Bars as an example. 

See: I grew up not far from Hershey, PA, the self-proclaimed chocolate capital of the world. I've grown to realize their particular brand might not be the absolute best that's out there. Still, their chocolate is fairly ubiquitous, right? It's easily identifiable and serves as an easy standard to which one can easily compare all other chocolates too, , even if only to say how much better whatever the chocolate is compared to Hershey's. There's a reason we often use Hershey's as a comparison in our reviews as our yardstick. 

Welllll....one small bite of these TJ's oat chocolate bars, and I was ready to toss it and find me a Hershey's.

There's something just "off" about them, on first bite, that I didn't like. It tasted...grainy, and more than perceptibly so. Just off, and not "like what a milk chocolate bar should taste like." I stray more towards dark chocolate, but when going the lighter route, I guess I want the fullness and comfortable richness that regular ol' dairy milk helps afford and things like oats can't quite replicate. 

I ate the rest (I mean, it's chocolate, after all) but that initial impression, formed by years of my own experience, didn't change much. 

Then it kinda hit me: "my own experience." What about others? 

My lovely bride originally bought these as a small snack for herself and a friend who's vegan. It's a three pack, so two for them and one for me. Perfect. Anyways, if someone was vegan or dairy free, whether by choice or by need...I guess the TJ's is a pretty decent "milk" chocolate bar. There is a certain smoothness and even a touch of creaminess that the bar replicates reasonably well. Everyone deserves a chance at a good milk chocolate bar, right? 

In the end, this still won't be my chocolate of choice, but that's okay. I'm glad it's out there as an available option for whoever it would appeal for. Choices are good, and what doesn't work for me will probably work for someone else. It's all good. 

Anyways, I'm not a huge fan, but my wife and her friend were, so I'll lean more on their judgment than mine and say it's worth a shot, especially if traditional milk chocolate just isn't for you, for any reason. Double fours? Sure. 

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Oat Chocolate Bars: 8 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Trader Joe's Spring Gummies

The tulips in the backyard really want to come out. But just when we think they're about to go full-bloom, they get pummeled with cold north winds and snow flurries and they just stay tucked away—a few tufts of green leaflets poking out of the partially-thawed ground. One of these days soon they'll present their pretty petals, but for now it's a bit too chilly still.

Nevertheless, it is indeed springtime and Easter's not very far away. Nothing's more vernal than blooming flowers, playful butterflies, and cute chirpy birds. Even the convenient resealable bag boasts gorgeous green grass and beautiful blue skies.

The colors of the candies themselves are pastel pink, green, and yellow. As far as I could tell, however, there was no difference in flavors. They all had the same vaguely sweet, mostly forgettable taste. 

It's just cane sugar and a bunch of supporting ingredients that give the candies their color and texture. Fortunately, there's no pork gelatin. Hooray for kosher gummies. Also, they're gluten free.

So these would be fine for a kid's Easter basket or just a mid-day blood sugar booster. We've seen some disappointing gummy candy from Trader Joe's throughout the years and we've also seen some amazingly delicious offerings. These fall exactly in between the two extremes flavor-wise. But since they're presented so nicely, we'll be kind when we score them.

$2.99 for the bag. I think they were new as of last year, and they're making their second seasonal appearance right now. Three stars from Sonia. Three from me for Trader Joe's Spring Gummies.

Bottom line: 6 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Peanut Butter Chewy Coated & Drizzled Granola Bars

You ever see or hear or taste something "new" and immediately think, hey' I've experienced this before, but can't figure out where, when, or what it was?

That's 100% the case here with the new Trader Joe's Peanut Butter Chewy Coated & Drizzled Granola Bars. 

I swear I've had them before. Naturally, TJ's doesn't make these, or any of their products, so there's a chance I've had the brand name equivalent. 

Or maybe not. Let' be honest - how unique and different and everything can you get with a peanut butter granola bar? There's only so many ways to invent a wheel. 

Everything that can reasonably expected, and everything promised in photos and packaging is present. The bars are of sufficiently good quality with tier rolled oats and rice crisps and whatnot, which makes for a not too soft, not too hard bite with just the right amount of chew. They're neither floppy and flailing nor suitable for small construction projects. There's that peanut butter shellacking on the bottom side (that'd be the coat) with some extra kinda hanging around haphazardly atop (that'd be the drizzle). It's a small, perfect sized snack, plenty portable, filling enough for what it is, and no real complaints...

...but also absolutely nothing descript or unique or anything to set it apart from the crowd in any tangible way I can discern. Granted, I've barely had the brainpower to somewhat manage everything else I have in life recently, much less to categorically and definitively compare and contrast my nearly 40 years' experience of eating peanut butter granola bars to this particular TJ's brand. It's a big catalogue, and not well notated. All that to say, chime in if you got something, cuz I'm drawing a blank here. 

Nothing wrong, will rebuy, kids love them, nothing overly right, but hey, it's a decent snack. Not bad at all for what it is.  

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Peanut Butter Chewy Coated & Drizzled Granola Bars: 6.5 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Trader Joe's Egg Wraps

Look, in the deli section! It's an egg....it's a wrap...it's the new Trader Joe's Egg Wraps!

You ever eat something with a familiar flavor in an unconventional or at least non-standard form? That's pretty much the experience here with these new-fangled gluten-free dairy-free kinda crepe-like eggy tortilla type thingies. It's...equally somewhat familiar and somewhat foreign all at once. 

The closest approximation I can make as far as taste is a Dutch baby pancake, which are pretty heavy into eggs and flour if you're not acquainted with them. Even that's not quite right, as it's rice flour and millet used here, not all-purpose. And obviously the wraps aren't all big and poofy either. But it gets the idea of a super egginess into a pancake-esque form, with a slightly more "grain"y taste. Odd, perhaps, but it works. 

The wraps themselves are super pliable and easy to use, like any respectable tortilla. Whether warming up or eating cold from the fridge, the flavor and flexibility remained really about the same. it was easy to make a quick ham and cheese wrap that wasn't greasy or slimy or offputting in any way. For us, I could see us using the wraps as a quick morning breakfast when the craving for eggs hits, but the time doesn't allow. Of course, if you need to be gluten-free, or just want to sneak some extra protein into your diet, you don't need to wait til breakfast time. That's just us. 

Six wraps come in the package, which is good for three servings. Cost was about $4.49 if I recall right, so about 75 cents each. Seems fair to have that kinda convenience/novelty upcharge baked in. No real complaints, and they're differently interesting to try on out.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Egg Wraps: 8 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Trader Joe's Crispy Crunchy Peanut Butter Cookies

 

In the world of cookies, there's a few ways you can go, of course. 

There's soft and squishy/melty. Soft and crumbly. Crispy and crumbly. Crispy and crunchy. hard and crunchy. And then just plain ol' rocks. 

For my money, as that list progresses, the quality and enjoyment factor of a peanut butter cookie goes down significantly...but we may have a new benchmark with Trader Joe's Crispy Crunchy Peanut Butter Cookies. 

Usually, it's the taste that diminishes the further right on the spectrum you go. But, it's not the case here. there's an undeniably strong peanut butter flavor, albeit somewhat sweet and sugary. it's a cookie, after all. But the taste is fairly nutty, a touch savory, and hits a lot of key notes, and is enough of a winning combo for my book. The little occasional chunk of peanut does help seal the deal.

But man, these would be even better if softer in my opinion, to really let that flavor wash over. Instead, the bite-sized cookies border on being too hard, too crunchy at times. The molars do get a work out here. A little milk or hot chocolate does soften them, for sure, but it'd be nice to have a softer bite without resorting to dunking. 

These new TJ pb cookies are pretty tasty, and a tub is worth a pick up for the occasional munch or homework time motivator. At about $4 for the tub it's a good enough value even for not being my preferred texture. There's only so many ways you can go.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Crispy Crunchy Peanut Butter Cookies: 7 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Trader Joe's Beer Bread Mix

Ah, beer, bread, and butter. That's a winning triple B combo right there. Each of the three is pretty delish on its own. Combined? Even better. Throw in some shredded cheese—yes this product calls for shredded cheese as an optional ingredient—and those are four pretty spectacular food elements. 

All together, will they become even greater than the sum of their parts, a la Voltron? I know I'm dating myself with that reference. I'd have said Avengers or something more contemporary, but they never physically combine into one giant superhero. Man, I miss the 80's.

Unfortunately, three of the four ingredients aren't supplied by Trader Joe's in this box. It's just the mix. But most people have some kind of butter or butter substitute in the kitchen. 

Not a drinker? No beer on hand? No problem. You can substitute with any carbonated beverage. Coke or Pepsi? Hmmm. I wouldn't chance it, personally. But I think seltzer water might be even weirder. Red Bull or Rockstar? Please try it and report back here. The wife wouldn't let me turn this loaf of bread mix into an energy drink experiment.

So we used Tiramisu Pastry Stout—also from Trader Joe's, but not Trader Joe's brand. It's a dark beer. Fairly desserty. Way better than the Chocolate Babka Stout by my reckoning, but still not something I'd seek out regularly. As mentioned above, the shredded cheese is optional, but we used a blend that included jack, cheddar, and colby.

We wound up having ours in the oven at 350° for about an hour by the time it was all said and done. The bread came out with a big poofy top. The "head" of the bread was crusty and crispy. The insides ranged from absolutely perfect to just a little undercooked, texture-wise.

The flavor was surprisingly good straight out of the oven. It's hard to put my finger on just what it reminded us of, but we were both thinking of that complementary bread from Outback Steakhouse for some reason. 

It also reminded me a little bit of banana bread, but without bananas obviously, and maybe a little less sweet. Honestly, pretty darn yummy. Paired well with a thin spread of butter.

I'm curious what the results would be if you used a different beverage or different kind of cheese. I feel like this would be another product entirely if you used cheap beer and left out the shredded cheddar combo. 

$2.99 for the mix. It yields 16 servings of bread. Three and a half stars a piece from Sonia and me.

Bottom line: 7 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Shredded Pizza Seasoned Toscano Cheese

It's Friday and that means only one thing in our house: it's jammie movie pizza night! My lovely bride and our *coughcough* charming little rascals look forward to it every week...especially the pizza. Say what you will about the last twoish years, but one of the upshots is that we've really perfected the craft of homemade pizza, and are continuing to branch out...I can't wait til it's warm enough to fire up the OOni we bought ourselves for Christmas!

So yeah we love pizza here, love making it...and maybe that's the problem we have with Trader Joe's Shredded Pizza Seasoned Toscano Cheese. 

Perhaps it's silly me. I bought this on a whim on a pizza supply procurement run. I figured it'd be great atop a pizza. That's...not really the case. This cheese just doesn't melt as well as a good mozzarella. And unlike mozzarella, which adds a little of its own mildness that absorbs and incorporates spice and taste and zing from other elements of the pizza, this cheese tries to do it all by itself. It's seasoned to be a pizza, not to be for a pizza, at least to me. The garlic gets too roasty sweet and the rest of the spice blend is a tick or two off from what I prefer.

That and there's this odd tang that toscano has that I forgot that I'm always on the fence of enjoying. 

Probably if sprinkled in a salad or atop a baked potato or into some scrambled eggs I'd enjoy it a bit more. Undeniably, the toscano is going for a pizzaesque vibe, and it does taste at least somewhat like a decent pizza all by itself, and if more things could taste like pizza, well...I don't know. Maybe it's one of those "it's decent but not for us" kinda deals, especially for making pizza so we can season it as we wish, not how this cheese imposes, if you follow. 

I'll go nice and say it's not bad. If it dig it, by all means enjoy, maybe in your jammies while watching Encanto for the 17th time tonight like we just might be.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Shredded Pizza Seasoned Toscano Cheese: 6 out of 10 Golden Spoons