Mmmkay. This is one of those "sexy" new items I was talking about last week when I promised I'd review something more interesting than common pantry fare soon-ish. Trader Joe's Super Seedy Cheese Snack Bites are definitely new, but are they really that sexy?
Welp, I'm gonna go out on a limb and say...no. But let's look at both sides of this equation. There are some things working here. Let's try to be positive and look at that stuff first.
Parmesan cheese. The number one ingredient. I like parmesan. These are indeed parmesan-laden and cheesy and that's the "CHEESE" part of the product title. In my humble opinion the cheesiness is good and the intensity is about right.
What else is working? The texture. These things are crispy and crunchy in a very unique way. I tried to capture the texture visually with the new macro feature on my phone camera. Pretty cool, right? You can see all the rifts, ridges, nooks, crannies, and seediness up close.
Of course, that photo is larger than life. I mean...depending upon the size of your monitor screen. Maybe if you're on mobile right now, it's just about life size. But then I don't know how big your phone is. Maybe I should just tell you how big they are. Fortunately, there's a ruler right behind me as I write this.
They are 1.25 inches by 1.375 inches on average. Nearly square. Like maybe two or three small bites a piece for me.
So let's move on to what's not working: nearly everything else. The overall taste of these is like black pepper. And I like black pepper. Is it the peppercorns? I guess. They're overwhelming. It's a pungent, acrid, bitter pepper punch in each and every bite. Actually some bites are worse than others. It builds up on the tongue and honestly I can only eat one or two crisps at a time. They're very light, too, in terms of density. If the peppercorn flavor were tempered a bit, I think I'd plow through the bag in one or two sittings easily.
TL;DR - Crunchy parmesan aspects are nice. Peppercorn element is overpowering.
$3.49 for the 2.8 oz bag. I give Trader Joe's Super Seedy Cheese Snack Bites with Puffed Quinoa & Whole Peppercorns two out of five stars. Sonia liked hers in tomato soup okay, although she agrees they're not great on their own. Three stars from her.
Bottom line: 5 out of 10.
When I was growing up, my dad used to buy the family dog treats called People Crackers. The idea was that since people eat crackers or cookies shaped like assorted animals, that animals would enjoy eating crackers shaped like mailmen, milkmen, dog catchers, and various other denizens of the neighborhood. My father got a big kick out of the idea and would remark that the dog was "eating people" each time he'd give them to our miniature poodle named Apricot.
The only reason I bring up the People Crackers is because they were similar in texture, color, and smell to these Chew-Cuterie Assorted Dog Treats. Both treats are/were crunchy like a crispy human cracker, but perhaps a bit thicker and harder than anything a person would enjoy. I believe the People Crackers had different flavors, but I'm not certain. They definitely had a few different colors like these Trader Joe's brand dog cookies.
They come in cheddar flavor, salami, provolone, and prosciutto, and they actually contain real meats and cheeses. I see ingredients like "dried cheese," "pork stock," "natural provolone cheese flavor," and "natural ham flavor."
Alfred and Sadie liked them well enough and didn't show any preference among the four flavors. They gobbled each one down right away. I even tried breaking the crackers into little pieces and putting two different flavors on the floor equidistant from the dogs to see if they'd pick a particular variety over any of the others, but alas, there was simply no pattern.
The dogs generally prefer soft and chewy treats over hard and crunchy ones, so we'll say three out of four paw prints each from Alfred and Sadie. The idea of charcuterie for pets is cute, and we like the designs on the box. We'll give another 1.5 paw prints for the presentation on Trader Joe's Chew-Cuterie Assorted Flavor Dog Treats. There might have been another half a paw print if it came in a resealable package. $3.29 for the box.
Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.
Sonia, my wife, is a proud American, but she's descended from a long line of Mexican ladies that purchased nothing but handmade corn tortillas daily for many generations. A snack we've had at least weekly, if not daily, since we got married over 13 years ago is quesadillas. If we run out of everything else, we've always got little tortillas and some cheese in the fridge. Heat them up, throw on a couple drops of Tapatio or Cholula, and you've got yourself an authentic Mexican-inspired snack.
We've done corn tortillas, flour tortillas, and we've even tried other low-carb tortillas. What I'm trying to get at here is that my beautiful wifey knows her tortillas and is somewhat of a tortilla snob. And I'm slowly becoming one too.
Sonia and I both agree the Mission brand carb balance soft tortillas are surprisingly good. And we both agree that these Trader Joe's Carb Savvy Tortillas made with Whole Wheat are not. In general, they lack flavor. There's a whisper of something oddly nutty by virtue of the whole wheat, but it's just enough to let you know that there's something missing.
The texture is even worse. It's like a thin sheet of leather. It's a little too tough and chewy for either of our tastes. I guess they beat the Mission brand in terms of their lack of carbs. These contain 9 grams of carbohydrates per tortilla compared to Mission's 19 grams each. The difference is tastable.
If you're really concerned about your carb intake and you want to make quesadillas or tacos or wraps or something along those lines, an even lower carb alternative is Trader Joe's Egg Wraps—a product with superior taste and texture, albeit not exactly tortilla-esque, with an extra bit of protein up in the mix and also gluten-free. I guess those wouldn't really work if you're vegan, but that's about the only scenario I can think of where I'd steer you towards these. Are these even vegan? Usually the packaging announces it quite loudly and proudly...
$2.69 for 10 tortillas. Would not buy again. One star from Sonia for Trader Joe's Carb Savvy Tortillas made with Whole Wheat. Two stars from me.
Bottom line: 3 out of 10.
They are 1.25 inches by 1.375 inches on average. Nearly square. Like maybe two or three small bites a piece for me.
