Trader Joe's Sweetened Dried Lemon Slices

I'm a guy in his mid-30's, but I'll freely admit it: I like my emojis. I won't go too overboard with them, I don't think. I mean, I'm not going to try and write the rest of this review using just them, or narrate my day, or do whatever else kids do with them these days, but I'll let them slip into my every day text conversations with my wife, in my emails and whatnot.

One thing I don't like, though, is how sometimes they don't technologically translate across different platforms. Take, for instance, when Sandy sent me an email from her iPhone to my work email stating she had just tried Trader Joe's Sweetened Dried Lemon Slices for the first time. What I got on my side, on some old Windows platform in Outlook (I'm not even sure if it's XP) was this grim-looking dull face with large eyes that were maybe crying, maybe horrified, or just getting poofy after being stung by a bee. Not sure what it was at all, but I took it as something bad, which to me wouldn't be unexpected after trying a sour mummified citric corpse slice, peel and all.

Nope. It was the hearts for eyes, big smile deal. As in, totally in love.

I'm not entirely sure that's my instinctive reaction, but I think I can muster a thumbs up overall. The package front of these zombie lemon discs say they are "moist" and "sweet." Those don't seem like entirely accurate descriptors to me. These TJ lemon slices are definitely dried out, with nary a drop of anything to be squeezed out. Robert Plant would probably be proud. But when biting through, there's still a softness and certain gumminess to them, that makes seem almost like candy. The candy vibe is kinda picked up by the added sugar which seems to accent the natural lemon flavor without going too overboard and getting too cloy.

What's kinda missing is the big, tart, citrusy bite one would expect from a lemon. Maybe that's contained more or less in the absent juice. Then again, these are fairly snackable as is, and could have multiple applications that a stronger flavor may not have. I could just as easily see these lemon slices as a garnish for a dessert - something creamy and/or had a fair amount of frosting comes to mind - as I could for simple summer salads, and maybe dishes like grilled chicken and veggies as well.

It's a decent sized package and seems a good value at about $3 for the bag. There's plenty to go around in there. These will be probably be a summer-long repeat-buy. Kinda can't wait to try them alongside some iced tea. So, perhaps in short: 🏜️🍋🔪😃👍 💵. Now it's just ⏰ for the 🥄s.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Sweetened Dried Lemon Slices: 8 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Trader Joe's Party Cake

"I'm coming up, so you better get this party started."

"Y'all want this party started right?  Y'all want this party started quickly, right?"

"Tonight we're gonna party like it's 1999."

"When it's time to party we will always party hard. Party hard, party hard."

"It's my party and I'll cry if I want to."

So many songs come to mind when the word "party" comes up. Most of them aren't particularly good songs, but they're somehow memorable nonetheless. Parties just have to have certain things: party songs, party people—and most definitely, party cake.

This isn't anywhere close to the best cake I've ever had, but I'll just state right here and now that this product gets a thumbs up from me. It tastes good. Nothing earth-shattering. No reinvention of the wheel here. This is just another one of the many cases where I'm forced to compare Trader Joe's offering to that of every other grocery store in America and I find their offering among the best in terms of overall value. You might be able to find something tastier and/or healthier from a mom and pop's bakery store, but you'd be hard-pressed to find something that can serve eight people for less than $7. 

Sonia will be the resident grump on this one and claim that the icing is "too sweet and oily." She also didn't care for the overabundance of happy, festive sprinkles. I will admit, I'd have enjoyed them a bit more if they were evenly distributed across the entire exterior of the cake instead of mostly just on the outside edge. But hey, we're nitpicking now. Also, I think they wanted the top to be free and clear of funfetti nonsense in case consumers want to plug the top of the cake full of candles or write in some cheesy personalized message like, "Lordy, Lordy, Look Who's 40!" or "Nifty, Nifty, The Washington Capitals Made It Past the Second Round of the Playoffs!"

We both agree the bread part is the best part of the cake. It's not overly sweet. It's soft and moist—er, "not dry," if you prefer. It's got a nice subtle vanilla flavor, and it goes great with milk. What more can you ask of a pre-packaged grocery store cake? Not much. For that reason, I'll give my standard four stars. Sonia's only game for three this time around. She wants a gluten-free version. They should be able to just substitute that wheat flour with rice and tapioca flours, right? Right. Let's get to work on that, Big Joe. Thanks in advance.

Bottom line: 7 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Mint Watermelon Flavored Black Tea

Nothing says middle aged suburban peer pressure in the spring and summer than the distant drone of a lawnmower. If the neighbor's yard is mowed, yours has gotta be too. Once you hear one, you'll hear at least three more, guaranteed, in the next hour.

I literally have not had a chance to mow mine all spring long - too cold, too wet, too busy, too something - until this past Wednesday night. Yeah, it was so bad I had to attack it midweek, after work, before dinner. Kept losing the dog in the thicket. And of course, all my neighbors had already, so mine I was busting it out as quick as I could, pushing thru kneehigh grass, raking, sweating, feeling gross, had to get done before it got too late, with storms threatening to roll in so extra humid...ugh.

Fortunately, Sandy made a fresh batch of iced Trader Joe's Mint Watermelon Flavored Black Tea earlier that afternoon. Doesn't that sound like summer in a glass? And my longstanding "refreshment benchmark" is how cooling and pleasant a beverage is once I'm done mowing the lawn, so here was a perfect chance.

Ahhhhhhhhhh.

"Mint" and "watermelon" do not sound like natural flavor bedfellows to me. I hold both flavors in close to equal regard...but together? Potential chocolate gum theory application here. But nah, it works. Seems to me it's because both flavors are a very light, natural kinda of flavor, at least when unsweetened. The mint could have been bubblegummy, the watermelon could have been Kool Aid-y, but nope. Just light and crisp, with both flavors about equally present and wellbalanced, while backed by the usual steeped tinge of black tea.

This tea is some pretty good stuff. There's no sticky-sweet aftertaste, no artifical sugar crud, nothing along those lines at all. And yet I feel no need to guzzle it either. A good glassful is about all that's really needed.

Sandy and I didn't try it hot. We probably won't until temps are on the way down, not the way up. My instinct is that it wouldn't be as good as a steamy mug, but I've been wrong. You tell me if I'm wrong.

Count us as fans. Here's one tea worthy of a neighborhood-wide buzz.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Mint Watermelon Flavored Black Tea: 8.5 out of 10 Golden Spoons