Trader Joe's Gluten Free Ginger Snaps

Oh SNAP! These ginger cookies are gluten free!

Once again we have a Trader Joe's victory in gluten free-flavor, and uh...a Trader Joe's...valiant effort in gluten-free texture.

There's an unexpected lemoniness to these cookies that makes them delightful at first bite. There's also a gingeriness, but...that's to be expected. I have mixed feelings about ginger. It's good for you. That's good. In cookies, it can add flavor. That's good. Sometimes it adds too much flavor. That's bad. There's ginger beer. That's good. There's ginger tea. That's bad. Ginger by itself is nasty as heck. That's bad.

And ginger snaps? Well, they're hit or miss. They're generally a bit dry and snappy, which would kind of seem to lend them to a gluten-free form. But, unfortunately, in my humble opinion, these were a bit too dry and snappy. Like tear-up-your-mouth-by-the-second-cookie kind of dry and snappy. Like "Is the blood in my mouth adding or detracting from the taste of these delightful snacks?" kind of dry and snappy.

Sonia, on the other hand, liked them a lot. She sees where I'm coming from in the rips-your-mouth-to-shreds-worse-than-six-bowls-of-Captain-Crunch department. But I think her mouth is a little more resilient than mine, what with three-plus decades of real Mexican spices and L.A. food truck cuisine to build up her resistance to oral battery such as these weaponized cookies.

Seldom in life will you come across such a tasty food that has such a ridiculously inhospitable texture. I really wanted to eat more...but I could not bear the pain. It's something like drinking a Slurpee and getting a brain freeze, but instead of it being cold liquid, it's just ultra-crispy cookies. If I were to break down my 5 potential stars into 2.5 stars for taste and 2.5 stars for texture, these get all 2.5 stars in the flavor arena, and none of the stars in the texture arena. That might be a little harsh, but I'm still compulsively tonguing the roof of my mouth to see if it's healed yet. I say if you've got a mouth of steel—or if you're on a gluten-free diet and you need a tasty cookie, try them. Otherwise, steer clear.

Sonia gives them a 4. She's one tough cookie...just like these Ginger Snaps.

Bottom line: 6.5 out of 10

Trader Joe's Organic Green Tea & Lemonade

"Herbaceous."

There's many words I've stumbled across in my day. Up until now, this hasn't been one of them. I wonder why. I mean, it's a pretty great word. It's straight to the point, and you know exactly what it means once you hear it: vibrant, full of herbs and not much else. If you're botanically inclined, you can add in stuff like "lacking woody stems." That can be a good thing, especially for tea, which we'll get to in a moment. Also, it's kinda fun to say. Try it out for yourselves, nice and slow...See? First time I said it, I immediately thought of Buddy the Elf saying "Fransisco." So, straight to the point yet fun to say, and kinda fun to read, too. Perhaps I haven't paid enough attention in my seventh grade biology classes, or somehow skimmed over the word if it's appeared on the menu at a coffee shop or tea house. At the very least, I would've thought that one of the stoners in "Dazed and Confused" would have said it, like the guy who went on to CSI: Miami, because, well, let's face it, it sounds like something a stoner would say. I'd also thing that either Dr. Dre or Snoop Dogg would be clever enough to rhyme something with it, which I'm definitely not. The furthest I get is "Yer face" then...nothing.

Anyways, the first time I've encountered the word "herbaceous" was on the side panel of Trader Joe's Organic Green Tea & Lemonade. Herbaceous. Even without doing too much further research on the word, I knew that was a pretty apt way to describe green tea. Green tea is one of those things that I *try* to like. Really, I do. It's supposed to be healthy (or "healthier", at least) and may or may not have super heart-beatin' and cancer-whuppin' powers. I'm behind that. It's just...the taste. To me, green tea tastes like rain water that's comingled with lawn clippings for too long. That's perhaps a bit harsh, but you know what it feels like on the side of your lower gums after swallowing a straight shot of green tea? Ugh. That's a bit harsh to me, too and it's what I dislike the most about green tea in general.

Trader Joe's Organic Green Tea & Lemonade is decent, though. I'm a big fan of their Arnold Palmer, and while I can't think of a golfer to name this drink after, I'll admit this has a lighter, crisper taste overall. There's also enough lemonade in there to almost cover up the parts of green tea taste that I don't like as much, without being too sugary or citrusy or anything like that. It works, except for when I neglect to shake it up before drinking. That's when all the green tea parts float into my cup and down my throat, which even then, doesn't bother me as much as green tea usually does. Perhaps it's just a little milder than what I'm used to. Still, this isn't a drink that I can just gulp and gulp down, so I'm not overly wild about it like I am about some of their other juices. Yet I've bought it the last two times I've gone shopping at TJ's, and have been able to more or less enjoy it over the course of nearly the whole week. My wife's pretty impressed by that, as she's used to seeing the empties in the recycle bin after only a day or so.

Sandy's been semi-busy enjoying the TJ Tropical Carrot Juice over the past week or so to give this tea much of a try. We still haven't figured out what a tropical carrot is, but man, that's good stuff. She also may be slightly avoiding the green tea/lemonade because of the some of the unknown stuff with teas and pregnancies. We both know it's probably fine for mama and baby, but figure not to chance it, and plus that way I get my drink, and she gets hers without me guzzling all of it, so it's win/win/possible win. That works well enough for us. As for this particular drink...eh...I'm kinda split on it. I neither love nor hate it, yet have bought it a couple times. Maybe that has to do with the price. At $2.69, it's one of the cheaper half-gallons of juicy beverage, and I know that'll last me a week while being satisfied enough. Sounds like something a smidge or two above average to me.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Organic Green Tea & Lemonade: 6.5 out of 10 Golden Spoons.

Trader Joe's Dark Chocolate Covered Peanut Butter Wafer Cookies

Are they wafers? Or are they cookies? Come on, Trader Joe, make up your mind. I think you could have just dropped the "cookies" from the already lengthy title of these delectable snacks. The term "wafers" would adequately describe them.

By now, if you've been reading this blog for a while, you should know that if we start off by critiquing the artwork on the bag or the name of the food itself, that there's not a whole lot else to complain about. It's always fun to start off an entry with a complaint. It grabs the reader's attention and gets them thinking about what kind of shallow, horrible people we are to tear apart their favorite grocery store chain's products on the highly subjective basis of flawed packaging, and it allows the reader to feel better about him or herself, knowing that he or she does not succumb to such trivialities, thus inflating the ego, generating a sense of well-being, and subconsciously inviting the reader to proceed into the rest of the semi-informative blog entry written by someone of questionable moral fiber.

Having purged myself of negativity in the preceding paragraph, I shall now go on to sing the praises of these snacksational wafers. Dark chocolate? Not even really a fan in general. I prefer white chocolate because it has more sugar. But as was the case with the Dark Chocolate Peanut Butter Filled Cupcakes, there's a great balance of sweetness and richness. Sonia loves dark chocolate desserts as a rule, and these wafers were no exception.

As for the waferage, I was skeptical at first. The only dessert wafers I've ever had, prior to these, were those cheap, nasty artificial cream-filled deals that you get from vending machines. For some reason, those always taste stale to me, even when they're supposedly fresh. But the crispy, wafery part in Trader Joe's product was decidedly crunchable and happy, nestled among layers of creamy peanut butter.

They're the perfect size, too. They really are "bite-size," in my opinion. There are so many products out there that try to get away with that "bite-size" label, but really, bite-sized mini-wheats, who do you think you're fooling? I can easily fit 3 or 4 of those guys in my mouth in one bite. And what's up with sushi? I don't know if they cut the rolls into smaller bites in Asian countries, but every time I have a piece here, I feel like I've eaten an entire fish in one bite. I wind up chewing for ages. Way too big. But these wafers, er cookies, er wafer cookies...their size is spot on. Bite-freaking-sized. All other so-called "bite-sized" foodstuffs in existence should be produced with the exact dimensions of these wafers.

To summarize, we've got a great, crispy snack on our hands here. Sonia and I are both big fans. She's going with a 4.5. I'm a big fan, too, but I think I'll stick with 4 stars. But Trader Joe, if you're listening to me out there, if you ever make a white chocolate version, I promise I'll give 'em at least a 4.5...

Bottom line: 8.5 out of 10.