Trader Joe's Instant Cold Brew Coffee

Coffee demands honesty, so let's just get right to it:

Is there any truthful way I can persuade you that Trader Joe's Instant Cold Brew Coffee is, somehow, miraculously, an an actual legitimately good coffee option that'd make you want to either skip the drive thru, walk by the neighborhood shop or stash away your Mason jars and clear that shelf in your fridge?

HAHAHAHAHAHA. No way. 

It's not great coffee, by any stretch. To complicate things, it's not like there's an actual, tried and true recipe for success here. It's: grab a spoon, throw a scoopful-ish into 12oz of cold water, stir, sip. Too weak? Add more coffee. Too strong? Add more water. Sip. Repeat as necessary. I mean, sure, that's a way to do things, but when I'm tired and in a rush that necessitates resorting to instant friggerin' coffee, I have neither the time no the mental facilities to go full out Bill Nye and experiment my way into something resembling a passable cuppa joe. And pardon me for assuming, but that's likely a statement we'd share. Reliable, decent coffee is what we want and demand, and while there's probably a way to figure out how to make one with this particular cannister of powder, is it really worth the effort? 

I will give it this, though. I am somewhat of a cold brew snob. Why add to these hot, humid summer by swallowing down a steaming cup of coffee? Ugh. Many cold brews I have tasted, whether from a shop, a chain, or a prepackaged type deal, have had this unnecessarily bittersweet bite. Some even taste like tin. Yuck. The TJ's instant cold brew possesses none of that. It's just plain ol' boring coffee, kinda earthy and flat. But not flat earthy cuz that's just weird.  It lacks much of any description and is neither bold nor weak, neither sweet nor overly bitter, neither here nor there. I mean, it's not like that great cup of nitro cold brew from the neighborhood coffee shop, but it's not dirt and water either. It's just coffee, admittedly closer to Sanka than Starbucks, but still. Doctoring it up with cream and sweeteners may help if you're into that kinda thing. I'm not, so your mileage may vary. 

I'll keep it stashed away at my work desk, because if there's a true affront to coffee here, it's the work pot. Yikes. Need a change up every once in a while and this, not entirely unfortunately, will have to do. My lovely bride isn't going to bother with it and I don't blame her. I'll be nice and not completely trash the coffee - I mean, it is instant coffee, it's not like those Arabica beans chose this destiny for themselves, I'm not gonna hate on their existence, and at the end they still give me caffeine. 

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Instant Cold Brew Coffee: 4 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Trader Joe's Sparkling Lemonade

Few things are as refreshing as lemonade on a hot summer day, especially after a strenuous activity like mowing the lawn. You wipe the sweat off your brow, walk into the air conditioning, and fire up the kettle to boil a nice piping hot cup of lemonade, or in this case, sparkling lemonade.

Oh, but wait... This particular product is subtly recommending that you consume it cold. Isn't that odd? The box plainly reads "Best Enjoyed CHILLED." Remove one of the slim cans from outer packaging and it too reads "Best Enjoyed CHILLED." Glance at the spiel on the reverse side of the can, and there's another line reminding consumers to "Keep it cold..." Even the website says "We recommend serving Trader Joe's Sparkling Lemonade ice cold..."

Does this stuff spontaneously combust if you heat it up like a normal mug of summer time lemonade? If consumed at room temperature, will it cause internal hemorrhaging or something like that?

Alright, alright. Fine, I'll take the advice of the experts and put these in the fridge for a while. Maybe I'll even throw in an ice cube or two. It's apparently vitally important that this product remain absolutely frigid.

And you know what, it's not bad that way. It's almost as if I've been drinking lemonade wrong all these years. Cold lemonade. You heard it here first, folks. Way better than hot lemonade, even with marshmallows on top.

Okay, I'll tone down the sarcasm for the rest of this post. Promise. With only three ingredients, it's not hard to imagine what this product tastes like. There's carbonated water, sugar, and concentrated lemon juice. It errs on the side of "not too sweet" at least compared to most other lemonade beverages I've tried.

It's mildly tart and lemony, as you'd expect. It tastes very natural. The carbonation is a nice touch. I wouldn't have minded it with a tad more of the sweet and tart elements. The flavor's not particularly intense. It's more in the direction of "light and refreshing," which isn't a bad thing at all.

I think it was $3.99 for four cans. Might be a repeat purchase. Four stars from Sonia. Three and a half from me.

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Eggwich Breadless Breakfast Sandwich

Age old question time: which came first, the chicken or the egg?

In the case of Trader Joe's Eggwich Breadless Breakfast Sandwich, the answer is pretty clear to me: the chicken.

Huh?

Years ago, remember when KFC made waves with their sandwich using two slabs of fried chicken as the bun? If memory serves correctly, Taco Bell followed soon after with a fried chicken taco shell. While perhaps not the first ever entities to do so, I feel as though that's when the idea of using protein in place of carbs for sandwiches got introduced to the general public consciousness. That's straight spitballing with no research behind it whatsoever,so if I'm wrong I'm wrong, but I'm sticking to it...for now. 

Anyhoos, the TJ's eggwich. Love me a good breakfast sandwich, and while tough to screw up, they unfortunately can be. Just ask the new cafe by my workplace. Ugh. 

What struck me yet again about this kind of sandwich is how normal it all tasted. Like, the lack of carbs was scarcely noted. Certainly, a good bagel or croissant or whatever can add to the overall appeal of a sandwich, but when not there and everything else is good enough as is, their lack of presence really isn't a huge deal. 

That'd be the case here. First off, the eggs. Certainly, they're not as good as fresh-cracked ones, but for a frozen egg entity it'll do just fine. The egg pucks are a bit firm, to be sure, but not rubbery or chewy or anything, and not too un-egg-like to elicit much response. 

The turkey sausage and cheese are pretty standard issue, without much to note. If you want to add a little salsa or hot sauce to liven it up, by all means, go for it. As is, there's a nice little white pepper/black pepper to give the whole sandwich a little savory flair. It's all not all that greasy at all. 

I like 'em, as does my lovely bride. Apparently Costco sells a version of something similar to this which we neglected to price-check, so I'm not 100% sure of how great a deal that two of them for $3.99 is, but I know that's about what one breakfast sandwich costs most anywhere these days unless you're going off a drive thru value menu. So there's that. These sandwiches are very likely rebuy to help tide over on the busy mornings as school winds its way back up and I'm back in the office for my daytime job. Decent sandwiches for sure, so don't be too chicken to try 'em out!

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Eggwich Breadless Breakfast Sandwich: 8 out of 10 Golden Spoons