Trader Joe's Crème Brûlée Tarte

I'm not sure if there are just fewer Christmas items this year, or if they were just sold out of most of them at our local Trader Joe's, but this is about the most Christmassy thing we could find on our last TJ's run. I mean, there's nothing unChristmassy about creme brulee, but there are also no conventions I'm aware of that would insist that it be consumed this time of year in particular. Nevertheless, this is the post we leave you with on this 22nd of December, and it's likely the last post you'll see until after Christmas Day.

So. Hmmm. I followed the directions to the letter. And I'm not sure if my broiler just never got hot enough, but I don't think the sugar ever melted the way it was supposed to. I let the oven preheat for significantly longer than the estimated 5 minutes, just to make sure it was broiling, and I left the product in for at least 2 minutes. I did take it out shortly thereafter for fear I'd burn the entire thing. After reviewing another creme brulee product a few years back, a reader commented in regards to the sugar topping: "You need a blow torch." 

At first—foodie-hack that I am—I thought he was joking, but then I realized that there is such a thing as a culinary blow torch. Well, I didn't own one then and I certainly don't own one now, so...I considered improvising and holding a can of Sonia's hairspray or Lysol up to a lighter and seeing if that would do the trick, but then my better judgment got the best of me, and I decided it wasn't worth risking the clean and fresh fragrance of disinfectant or the alluring odor of a women's aerosol hair product ruining the flavor of this tarte altogether. Caramelized sugar tastes just fine whether it's completely melted or not.

So after allowing the product to cool for 3 minutes, I prepared to slice it. Wait a minute. Since when do you slice creme brulee? Since it became a "tarte" apparently. This is more like a pie with creme brulee-flavored filling than actual creme brulee. Not bad, just different. It actually has a crust. It's a thin crust, but it's unmistakably crusty and bready.

The filling is thick, rich, and somewhat custard-like, similar to real creme brulee, but something about the flavor just fell flat in my opinion. I feel like the topping was nice and sweet, but the flavor of the filling was perhaps a bit too "eggy" for me, if that makes sense, and it lacked a bit of that sweet creamy vibe in certain other creme brulee selections that I've tried. It's nothing to complain about, but in the end, nothing to write home about either.

Sonia had similar sentiments about this dessert overall, though her opinion of the filling was slightly more positive than mine. She'll give this product three and a half Christmas stars. I'll go with three.

Happy holidays!

Bottom line: 6.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Irish Whiskey Caramels

In Connecticut, in order to be fit for sale, a pickle must be able to bounce.

In Maryland, it is illegal to curse while driving.

In several states and locales there are strict laws about not walking backwards past a movie theater with an ice cream cone in your back pocket on Sundays.

Sure, there are many dumb state laws, but the one that brings me the most grief: the strict laws about where one can buy alcohol in Pennsylvania.

Can't buy it most places other states take for granted. And definitely not in a grocery store, unless there's a cafe attached to the store that can be thus considered a restaurant/establishment. And even then, it's just beer and wine, and not the good hard stuff. That's reserved for the state-owned-and-operated liquor stores. I kid you not.

So no...we did not purchase Trader Joe's Irish Whiskey Caramels at a Trader Joe's in good ol' PA. How'd we get our hands on them? We're not gonna snitch ourselves out, but if the authorities really wanted to know, they probably would already. You know, Elf on the Shelf and all that. He's the snitch.

But yes, we got these TJ whiskey chocolates just in time for the holidays. Major thanks to one of Sandy's friends are in order. If you have local access to these, thank your stars, because these boozy bonbons are the bomb. The dark chocolate shell is, as usual, right on point - dark and decadent with fantastic cocoa flavor. I'd say by taste it's probably around 65-70% dark, though I could be wrong. It's certainly not too terribly bitter, and instead lends a rich decadence to the product.

So, of course, the Irish whiskey gets infused into the oozy boozy caramel core. It's single malt, so fairly light and mild, without much bite that other whiskeys have. It's most noticeable right after the initial sugary touch of the caramel, and again with the slightest of boozy burn at the end, but in the middle it's pretty rich, almost too sweet caramel. Key word: almost. The sweetness gets held just enough in check to make it a smooth, almost velvetty experience.

Needless to say, these are really good. Just one or two are enough, and that's a good thing...no, you'd probably need to eat a palletful to get a buzz from the whiskey, and you'd be more likely to go into diabetic shock from the experience. Each eight pack runs $3.99, making it a nice sized little gift if you need such a thing, even if just for yourself. Really wish these could be legal in my state, but if they were, who knows what other kind of heathenry could be let loose? Maybe...selling cars on Sundays (also currently illegal here)! Double fours from the wife and me.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Irish Whiskey Caramels: 8 outof 10 Golden Spoons

Trader Joe's Mini Cannoli

I know at least two members of the WG@TJ's team have been to Italy. The closest I've ever been to Italy would have to be Little Italy in New York City—I mean, physically, the closest I've ever been would be Spain or France—but if you're talking authentic Italian pizza, pasta, and desserts, NYC would be it for me.

While there, I picked up a cannoli from a little pastry shop. It was surprisingly inexpensive and deee-licious. Since then, I've had a few other cannolis from Italian restaurants and delis, but they all pale in comparison to that amazing Little Italy cannoli so far. So how does Trader Joe's offering size up?

It's pretty darn good. The shell isn't bad at all, but it's hard-pressed to compete with a just-baked one, fresh off the cooling rack from a professional pastry chef. Trader Joe's offering comes frozen, and you simply thaw for a while at room temperature or in the fridge. Considering its recent frozen-ness, it's honestly quite amazing.

And the filling is even better. Buffalo milk ricotta. Yep. It's just a little more tangy than other cannoli fillings I've tried, and I love it that way. It's still sweet and blends nicely with the dark chocolate, but there's just a little something in this version that gives it an extra zip—I assume we can attribute that to the use of buffalo milk instead of just plain old cow juice...? It's like a very high-quality cream cheese almost. Whatever it is, I like it. I should also note that regular cow's milk does appear lower down on the ingredients list, so if you have some kind of cow's milk allergy, you still may need to be wary here.

The bready part of these pastries is soft and crumbly, and the filling is super creamy in texture. The dark chocolate adds even more complexity and a slight rigidity to the shell, and there's just the right amount of it.

I'm certainly no cannoli expert, but these are at least the second-best cannolis I've ever had. Four bucks for six cannolis—er, cannoli? Is the plural still just "cannoli" with no "s" as the packaging would imply? Any Italian-speakers up in this piece?

These treats are indeed "miniature." A single mini cannoli isn't really a full dessert just by itself unless you have that...that thing where you don't keep eating until you're bursting at the seams each meal. Oh yeah, I think it's called "self-control" or something like that. You'll either need to combine these with other mini desserts to create your own sampler platter or just eat three at a time like the nutrition info suggests. Who am I to argue with Trader Joe? Three cannoli it is...but only because he twisted my arm.

Double fours here.

Bottom line: 8 out of 10.