Friday, April 9, 2021

Trader Joe's Mini Coffee Bean Hold the Cone! Ice Cream Cones

There's pluses and minuses to being an adult. 

Here's a plus: No more having to go school!

Here's a minus: If you have kids, you have to relive all those years again. *Cannot wait* for my kids to be in middle school. Insert eye roll. 

Another plus: You'll have your own money!

Minus: You'll be responsible when things like the 106 year old cast iron stack pipe at your house finally crack and spring a horizontal geyser like Old Faithful. 

Plus: You can do whatever you want!

Minus: You can't do whatever you want!

One last plus: if you wanna eat ice cream for lunch, go right ahead. 

And minus: You'll know enough to know when the ice cream just isn't that particularly good, which kinda puts a damper on the whole affair. 

Sigh. Is what it is, my chosen adult mantra, when it comes to Trader Joe's Mini Coffee Bean Hold the Cone! Ice Cream Cones. 

Usually, us adults in my house like TJ's ice cream and love coffee ice cream. this really should be a slam dunk here. Like, how can this possibly get messed up?

Oddly enough, the answer is easily enough. First: the mouthfeel. This ice cream is it's almost more gummy  than anything else. Cold and creamy, sure...but there's a certain not-right bite to it that's almost chewy. If it had some mochi in it, well, okay, then, sure, but this is purported to be straight up ice cream, and it's just not. It's weird. 

But wait, there's more! Thanks Billy Mays! the taste just really isn't there either for the coffee. Looking critically at this, I think iIcan see why. it's a mini cone, so not so much ice cream - realistically we're looking at a few spoonfuls max per cone here. that's not a lot of really get a flavor going, especially when the vast majority of the ice cream is in close quarters to either the chocolate coating or cone or both. For it to work, the coffee flavor needs to be bold but it's just not, and it's not even just me saying it - it's my lovely bride as well. The ice cream is just kinda tan and bland. 

There you have it. Not quite good ice cream. Dashed desires, emptied expectations, floundered feelings...yup. Just gonna acknowledge it and hope for better next time, though by next time i mean I'm not buying these guys again. Too much disappointment. Matching twos from the Mrs and I. 

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Mini Coffee Bean Hold the Cone! ice Cream Cones: 4 out of 10 Golden Spoons



  1. How weird - these are considered the best flavor of the mini-cones by most of my crewmates at the store. Me as well!

  2. Wow shocking. I thought these were incredible. Easy 10/10.

  3. Added these to my list after reading this, and came back to agree with the other commenters - I’d give them at least 8.5. Coffee + chocolate elements are a winning combo, in my book. And the ice cream quality, in particular, seemed totally fine to me. To each his own.

  4. So weird, I thought the coffee flavor was particularly strong here. Also, I actually really like when ice cream has a "chewiness" to it lol

  5. I am a coffee ice connesieur, having eaten it worldwide and think that the coffee blast in the quart container is stupendous, and at $3.99 BY FAR the best value of ice cream in the US. The coffee is about the best coffee I've ever had, and that includes France where coffee ice cream is a bit of a thing.

  6. I loved everything about this little cone! The coffee ice cream was strong and perfect and I especially marveled at how crispy the waffle cone remained. I was afraid I would be facing a "choco Taco" situation of wilted, chewy cone but this was amazing!