Trader Joe's Chicken & Sweet Potato Sausage Bites with Cranberries Jerky Dog Treats

Happy December, everyone! Alfred and Sadie have stepped in to give us another dog treat review. Is this even a holiday item? We're treating it as if it is. There are cranberries in there, after all. And what's more holiday-ish than a cranberry?

These things smelled like the Wild King Salmon Jerky, much to the dogs' delight. How TJ's can make chicken and sweet potato smell like salmon, I'm not sure. Sonia thought they smelled like bacon. Maybe some kind of goofy rancid bacon, but hey—dogs love stuff that smells kinda funky.

The video features antlered pets (Sadie better watch out she doesn't wind up in that Venison Burger!) ...as well as Sonia's take on the dog treats. They're still a little big and firm for our small dogs, but maybe not as bad as some of the treats we've seen in the past. Our dogs loved the taste.



Bottom line: 8 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Gingerbread Flavor Dog Treats

It's another dog treat review! As has been the case with all of our mostly-pointless pet treat reviews, the dogs inhale the treats with reckless abandon despite the fact that they're clearly optimized for larger dogs. However, in this case, the cute gingerbread man shapes lend themselves to easy bite-size snacks for small dogs by simply decapitating and/or amputating limbs from the hapless cookie men. Be sure to click on the video, because this one features beautiful Christmas decorations, animals wearing hats, and my lovely wife eating dog food! Enjoy!



Bottom line: 8.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Pumpkin Flavored Dog Treats

Happy Friday, everyone! Here's a bonus review for anyone who has dogs. (It's really just an excuse to throw that hot keyword "pumpkin" out there a few more times before the human pumpkin foods roll in.) I mean, sure, Russ has found a few "harvest" items lately, but they're nothing like the "p-word" in terms of search engine love. So here we go, PUMPKIN!

Like other Trader Joe's brand pet treats, Alfred and Sadie loved these. They're too big for small dogs and they're super hard, but our hounds couldn't care less. Also, they don't taste much like pumpkin at all. Do the dogs know that? Do they care? Probably not. Just watch the video. Sorry for the run-and-gun-style shooting, shoddy editing, and poor sound quality. But hey, there are cute puppies and pretty fall pumpkin treat things. Plus, I eat dog food! Again!

For those of you pining for human pumpkin food, hang on, get ready, and stay tuned. There's a pumpkin storm coming that will utterly blow your mind!

If you're interested in the nutrition info for this product, just click here.

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10 paw prints.

Trader Joe's Dog Food...For People

You ever look at Fluffy or Rex, happily chomping away at whatever's in their bowl for the 3000th time, and wonder how a creature can so happily eat the same thing over and over again? Or, even better, think it'd be so great to just be able to buy a 20-lb sack of chow for like $10 like you do for the dog, and just have that be your food for a month? You think, hey, it works for them, something like that should be able to work for me. Then you remember, yes, there was once upon a time that you could do that, but college has forever ruined you on ramen noodles, so you just can't do that again.

Me? I think about that stuff often. I sure know my bank account appreciates the sentiment. Then it laughs because it hurts too much to cry.

Fortunately, we're in luck! Similar to what happened around this time last year, the WGATJ quartet has been hand-selected by Big Joe to try out a brand new product, Trader Joe's Dog Food...For People. This one actually has a significant chance to hit the market - although testing very well with us, those nitro-foam-erated salmon muffins apparently increased one's chance of spontaneous human combustion to a level that the FDA just wasn't comfortable with. Stupid regulations...

Much like the cats cookies for people, Trader Joe's Dog Food...For People is an animal-esque product clearly meant for human consumption. Don't get them confused - though Fido probably won't mind, actual dog food tastes too much like a nasty Triscuit for most people to enjoy, which Russ learned firsthand thanks to his seventh-grade science teacher. The concept itself is so straightforward yet so brilliant - it's just a sack of food pellets designed for human consumption, brimming with all sorts of nutrients and hey, some flavor, too, that makes a good, sustainable food source that's worthy of everyday eating.

Wait, you say. How can someone be happy eating the same thing every day? Doesn't that get old?

At least ramen has different colored salt packages, right? As usual, Big Joe's a step ahead. From what we've been told, there are a few varieties in the works. The one we got to sample was chicken, quinoa, apples, and Brussel sprouts, with a maple-y finish. Granted, it didn't really look like any of that, because it was just dark brown and tan crunchy pellets...but it's all there. Every bit. And to help change things up every so often, there's little "additional flavor" packets on the side to mix in - like hot sauce, bacon grease, cheddar - it's all in powdered form, but if you can overcome that, it's incredibly satiating. If that's not enough variety, there's vegan as well as seasonal varieties in the works (Thanksgiving: turkey, cranberries, sweet potatoes, gravy, pecan pie, and TUMS, for example). Just like real pet food, it comes in a 20 pound bag, so it lasts a while. Savor it in.

But...this is where it gets little weird. Might be a deal breaker for some, but trust us, it helps, we're experts. Historians have recently discovered that our primitive ancestors may have eaten on all fours before the invention of the table. They saw the animals around them doing it, so they simply copied what they saw wolves and bears doing and ate off the floor of their caves. Eating in this posture may have increased the metabolism and aided digestion. Similar to the popular "caveman diet," TJ's has latched on to this idea and thus formulated this product to be consumed like a dog or a primitive human. Nathan was kind enough to make an instructional video to demonstrate the suggested eating technique for the Trader Joe's Dog Food...For People. It's strictly educational, of course.

In all, this is a legitimate game-changer. I have eaten nothing except this for about three or four days straight, and not only have been happy and felt great, but I've noticed some pleasant, well, not "side effects" but perhaps "unexpected bonuses." First, I'm sleeping better, in nearly any position. My senses of smell and hearing have greatly improved, and my "fur coat" (for lack of better term) has been become fuller and stronger, which was wonderful for dealing with the last of the wintry throes. I'm also feeling a lot happier, especially when seeing fire hydrants, although my wife and boss say I seem more distrac-SQUIRREL!!!!...Um, where was I?

A twenty pound bag costs only $11.99 and lasts for a few weeks, depending on how many cups I eat a day. The side panel says for an active male about my size I should eat three or four servings daily, which seems right. Really, just this, some water, and whatever scraps my toddler sneaks me are all I need. That and a little scratch behind my ears from time to time, and for that mailman to stop coming around. If there's one chow that can make my tail wag, this would be it.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Dog Food...For People: 
10 out of 10 Golden Retrievers

Trader Joe's Peanut Butter Flavor Natural Dog Treats

Everybody's favorite furry four-legged foodies are back! Alfred and Sadie just tried these peanut butter flavored treats and they're big fans. But at this point in their food reviewing career, they're not super picky.

We're pretty sure their final verdict would have been a perfect score, but Sonia and I had to dock a couple of pawprints since the cookie sizes are HUGE for little dogs. The box claims they're for "big & small" dogs, but I'm gonna go ahead and say that if your dogs are as small as ours, you'll probably wanna break up those cookies for Fido, unless he has a REALLY big mouth. They're shaped like bones, fire hydrants, shoes, squirrels, couches, and cars, because dogs LOVE biscuits shaped like things they enjoy chasing, chewing up, or peeing on.

But I'll stop rambling there...because I ramble some more in the video. Click here to read the dog treat ingredients list. Also check out Alfie and Sadie's review of TJ's Chicken Recipe Jerky Sticks.



Bottom line: 8 out of 10 Pawprints.

Trader Joe's Chicken Recipe Jerky Sticks for Dogs