Trader Joe's Joe's Dark Coffee Squares

Yes, there are two "Joe's" in the title of this blog post because there are two "Joe's" in the title of the product being reviewed. Seems redundant to me. But then again, my last review had the name "Joe" in it three times. 

And as Russ pointed out in his last review, there has most definitely been a caffeine-laden incursion of coffee-themed commodities at Trader Joe's lately. After 2016's moderately-fruitful mango endeavor, TJ's decided to follow it up with a cascade of coffee—an even more universally-appreciated flavor. In fact, coffee is the second most traded asset in the world. In order to top that, for 2018, Trader Joe's will have to introduce a line of crude oil flavored food products. Good luck with that, Big Joe.

But let's not get ahead of ourselves here. Because there are plenty more coffee items to examine right now in 2017, like these fascinating coffee squares.

Like the Mocha Joe-Joe's, they feature chocolate elements as well as real ground coffee beans. And to me, once again, the taste heavily favors coffee. The texture is not unlike a typical chocolate bar. It's a smooth, creamy effect, with a bit of that "melts-in-your-mouth" kind of vibe. 

Lacking a candy shell, these squares would easily melt in your hand if not for the convenient, if perhaps a bit wasteful, individual packaging. The bag itself is resealable, with a ziplock at the top—so there's no way you'll find these squares going stale...or doing whatever chocolate does when it's exposed to the air. Speaking of packaging, Sonia noticed that the bag has the same fonts, color schemes, and art work as Trader Joe's Dark Roast Coffee. Interesting. She's got a great eye for design like that.

The squares are fairly filling. One piece at a time is probably enough for the average Trader Joe's shopper. They make a nice after-meal treat. Or I suppose you could even have a couple for breakfast if you're running low on actual java (or Rockstar or black tea or whatever your preferred vehicle of caffeine ingestion may be). 

In the end, I didn't like these as much as the Joe-Joe's, probably because they're so rich, with the coffee flavor coming through a little too much for my personal taste. It makes me want to chug a big glass of water just thinking about the richness of them. But for people with a taste for true coffee flavor, these would be perfect. $2.99 for fourteen squares. 

Four and a half stars from Sonia. Three from me.

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Monsooned Malabar Coffee

In case you haven't noticed, it's absolutely coffee season at Trader Joe's. Just in the past couple weeks, we've hit up amazing coffee brownies, coffee cookies, heck, even coffee flavored cased meats. And there's a lot more we haven't officially gotten to yet - but just you wait. Coffee is 2017's answer to 2016's mango, apparently.

And yes....I just realize now this will post on March 17th. St. Patty's Day. If you were hoping for something a little more Irish, check out this or this - or for the imposter green, this. My bad.

Anyways, in this coffee season, and on a day we all could use an extra cup...how about an actual coffee?

Introducing Trader Joe's Monsooned Malabar Coffee. Doesn't that sound fancy and exotic? Um, I guess. There's some huge ol' write up on the back about the history of coffee being transported on ships and being exposed to the elements and how that affected the coffee and how this can of java purports to mimic all that. Well, alright, I'll take their word for it. How's it taste?

Not amazing. Not bad. As an avid black coffee drinker, I like to think I can taste the nuances of different beans and roasts and whatnot. I'm just not picking up much here. But that's not a complaint. I like my coffee to taste, first and foremost, like coffee. That's how this brew is. Medium roast, fairly even and smooth for the whole sip. The can states there's a "woodsy aromatic" which I'm not completely buying but it smells like good coffee.

That's my take. But for a better one, take Sandy's. Up until the past few weeks, her coffee cup consisted of 10 parts creamer and sugar to 1 part coffee. Now, she drinks it plain and straight too. Obligatory Airplane! reference. She adjusted rather quickly, actually, and for all the coffees we've tried at home over the past few weeks, this may have been her favorite thus far. She stated it's because the Monsooned Malabar tries to be a good coffee on its own merits, instead of relying on additives to even it all out, if that makes sense.

And yes, in the spirit of St Patty's Day, you could probably "Irish it up" a bit and it'd work  quite well.

Worth a shot. We're both pretty happy and most likely will buy again, especially with how the two of us drink coffee almost nonstop on the weekends here. Decent stuff at a decent price - $6? $7? Typical price range for TJ's coffee, so we're going with a typical TJ's coffee score.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Monsooned Malabar Coffee: 7 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Trader Joe's Mocha Joe-Joe's

Dunking these puppies in coffee is something akin to an Americanized Tim Tam Slam. Just as the center of a Tim Tam liquefies in the hot beverage, so too does the creamy center of these mocha-flavored sandwich cookies. And it would disintegrate and fall directly into said mug of hot coffee if not for being slurped up by some fat Yank who should no doubt be eating fewer sandwich cookies.

But if you're gonna splurge and eat sugary sandwich cookies, these are the ones to reach for. I'm not even that big into sandwich cookies in general. And I've mentioned many times that I'm not really a coffee person. But these magical Joe-Joe's are pretty delicioso if I do say so myself.

Sonia, the coffee connoisseur, agrees. She had a mug of coffee made within seconds of getting these cookies in the door, and moments later, these Mocha Joe-Joe's were swimming in java. I must admit, they taste pretty amazing when dunked. I'm guessing hot chocolate would work, too, but for some reason, coffee and these cookies just go a little too well together. Seventy cups to kill a person? I don't think I'd ever go that far. But I think I've already had enough to give me a headache, thanks to these yummy dunkables. They're so good, they hurt.

When consumed sans café, they still taste pretty coffee-esque. They do contain real ground coffee beans, but "cocoa" appears even higher on the ingredients list. I guess coffee beans are the more potent of the two, because these cookies are heavy on the coffee side of the mocha equation. They're a little earthy, but they're still very sweet. Flaunting the texture of other classic Joe-Joe's, they're the newest experimental flavor at Trader Joe's, but far more successful than those Mango fellows from last year, if you ask us.

$2.99 for 22 cookies, kosher, tasty, and über-dunkable. Four and a half stars from Sonia, four from me.

Bottom line: 8.5 out of 10.